TALK IT OUT
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TALK IT OUT
S1 E8 - Finding Solace in NF's "Hope": Vulnerability, Resilience, and Healing Through Music
How has NF's music been a lifeline for those on their mental health journey? Join us on A&J Reactions as we kick off our channel with an in-depth exploration of NF's latest album, "Hope." We share personal stories about how NF's raw and honest lyrics have played a pivotal role in our own therapy and healing journeys, starting from when we were dating six years ago to today. By breaking down the album's most compelling tracks, we aim to build a sense of community and offer insights to listeners who also find solace in NF's music.
We reflect on the broader themes of vulnerability and resilience that resonate throughout NF's work, discussing the importance of being open about our struggles for personal growth and better relationships. Through our passionate analysis, we hope to encourage our listeners to embrace their own vulnerabilities and find strength in their journeys. Whether you're a longtime fan of NF or just discovering his music, this episode promises an engaging and heartfelt conversation that underscores the transformative power of honest storytelling in music.
Hey guys, welcome to A&J Reactions. We're super, super, super excited to start this channel. At least I am. I feel like I've been waiting a minute to be able to do music reactions and other reactions too. I've been trying to like figure out a way to make this all happen, so I'm really excited that we are making it happen. We're going to start off listening to the Hope album by NF. We kind of debated on doing the NF journey, which other creators have done reactions to, but after talking about it we realized that it's not really a reaction from us. It's more of like a breakdown, because we know, all the songs.
Speaker 1:We've listened to all the songs and we love NF, so we wanted to start with the Hope album for our breakdown. Just because it is our favorite album, I would say.
Speaker 3:It's definitely up there. Yeah, the search was really good too. I would say it's definitely up there. Yeah, the search was really good too though.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and you know how I feel about like Clouds, Like I love it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that mixtape was bomb.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but the reason that we wanted to start off with NF songs is because NF has meant a lot to us and we've first started listening to him. I mean, you showed me his songs when we were still just dating, like six years ago, so we've been listening to him on and off for quite a while, but within the last year, with going through our own like therapy journeys and mental health journeys and healing journeys, you especially have really fallen back to appreciate NF and the way that he writes his music and how vulnerable he is, and so we wanted to start our reactions with NF. I'm really excited, though, because I feel like NF has just helped you and I understand each other better through the conversations we've had through his music.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, he's been, his music has been a big part of my personal healing journey. Yeah, and we grew up very similarly, super similarly, like eerily. Yeah, we grew up very similarly super similarly like eerily, and so I think both him and I and a lot of other people out there who come from that background kind of developed the same sorts of outlook on life. Yeah, and that's why so many people relate to him. Yeah, like I mean, I watch, enough reaction videos all the time.
Speaker 3:I mean you watch them a good deal with me and people all the time say like holy crap, this dude is relatable yeah because he is.
Speaker 3:He's honest about what he's feeling and he's not afraid to put it out there and to share it with other people, because throughout the course of his albums he's made it well known. Like I know that what I'm doing is having an impact on people and I want it to, and he knows that the music helps a lot of us to understand things about ourselves. That's stupid, but because we love NF so much, we do want to dive in, break down the lyrics, break down how we feel about it, hear from y'all what you think about it, um yeah, or what you know about it. You know we don't necessarily go super deep down the nf, twitter, rabbit holes and stuff.
Speaker 1:I get into it a little bit, but I know that some of y'all out there are going to be vulnerable with his feelings and put it out there. Because that is kind of one of the reasons that we started talk it out and started our podcast is be able to and started our podcast is be able to help show others what being vulnerable can do for your life and the impact it can have in your healing journey and just impact in life in general. So I definitely look up to NF's vulnerability a lot.
Speaker 3:But not just being vulnerable. No I think our podcast and what's nice for me to share about it is that you just have to keep trying, Like it sucks and it's hard. I have my days, even very recently, that you've seen me just be like why am I doing this?
Speaker 3:Yeah, what's the point in trying? Yeah, you've seen me just be like why am I doing this? Yeah, what's the point in trying? Yeah, and it's crazy Like NF even talks about it in some of his music, saying like there's, there's this side of me of like dressed in white the hope album, this is who I really am. But then there's that version of him dressed in black that I think we all have and it's like, okay, when I'm trying to be better, that guy's going to fight back even harder, and that's how it's been for me personally.
Speaker 3:It's just like sucks sometimes, but I want to share that with people because to me that's real right. And it's like this is real. It's not sugarcoating it, it's not giving it to you any other type of way, except for sometimes it sucks, but you just have to keep persevering because it will get better.
Speaker 1:But it's just such a lifestyle change, trying to go from this place of like darkness that you've been in for so long to learning how to truly be yourself in essence yeah, absolutely, and not hide behind your defense mechanisms and who you've had to be to keep yourself safe and all of that, because you're still those things are still a part of you. It's still who you are, but realizing that it's not all you have to be and you don't have to hide behind these things, yeah, yeah. But I think that kind of working our way backwards is going to be really fun, and starting off with hope is going to be like something that probably resonates more with you and I in our life today is like freaking, trying to have hope so and having hope so. I'm so excited to start with hope.
Speaker 1:This is like one of the best songs, also one of the best freaking like cinematography and storytelling. As far as the music video goes and the lyrics and just, oh, I just love it, so I literally, it is a masterpiece I know I'm on my way I'm coming.
Speaker 7:don't, don't lose faith in me. I know you've been waiting. I know you've been praying for my soul. Oh, oh. Oh 30 years you've been dragging your feet, telling me I'm the reason we're stagnant. 30 years you've been claiming you're honest and promising progress. Well, where is he that? I don't want you to feel like a failure. I know this hurts, but I gave you your chance to deliver. Now it's my turn.
Speaker 1:I just, literally I have to stop it, because there's so many thoughts going through my head that, like, I've listened to this intro so many times but never really like, sat and thought like with the line of sat and thought like with the line of like I know that this is hard to hear yeah, well, and it's like because he's talking to himself, talking to nf yeah, and, but not even hope. But this is, this is nf in the place of hope, talking to nf in the place of fear.
Speaker 3:And living in the darkness, but it's betrayed us.
Speaker 1:Right and to really like sit there and think about how it sucks to hear that. It sucks to hear that, like the things that I thought were keeping me safe aren't serving me and I need to change that. Sucks to hear. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Sucks bad. Sent me for a loop. Yeah, when I went through it pissed me off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, threw it, pissed me off, yeah, yeah. But I also love, in the sense of hope, talking to him saying 30 years you've been blaming me, saying I'm the reason that we've been stagnant yeah, but like that's exactly what I do yeah it's like all the bad crap eventually gets to you, drags you down, makes you, it influences the decision that you make.
Speaker 3:That makes you feel real crappy. And then you say, oh well, why do I even try?
Speaker 1:every time I try it doesn't work out right and it's like you blame that, like that, you blame it all on what you're trying to be, who you're trying to become, and never on like who you are Well and who you currently are, and what are the factors of the things that you're deciding to do now that you're not getting to that thing, you know, because that's really the only thing that you can blame, because those are the only things that are happening currently I mean, those are the only things you can blame.
Speaker 1:That makes sense, yeah, but in our minds oh no, like you can blame so many other things, yeah, no, but also like I just I rewind and like I gave you your chance to deliver. Yeah. Like there's a time where you have to realize that these things are no longer serving you.
Speaker 3:I mean, that's what you saw with me right around the time that you moved to North Carolina was like where I was hitting that point of like. I gave you your chance to deliver, like you've done everything that you can try and it's just not gonna work this way yeah so you've got to change it yeah you got to ask for help essentially is where the point that I got to, because I had no clue how to deal with it well, even then mental health is a very I think every single person on earth should find therapy of some sort.
Speaker 1:Right Well, and take it seriously.
Speaker 3:It's hard to understand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really hard to understand, and also just the world that all of us have grown up in and live in. We're all dealing with mental health issues. Yeah. And like it can't be this big secret. It shouldn't be this thing that everybody gets drowned in, like there's help and if you are in it, that's what really matters. Yeah.
Speaker 7:Okay, ready. Yep.
Speaker 1:I like that he says give the people something different, and then it zooms out and there's nobody there. And he's still by himself and it's like this is giving you something different, right? Like not just give the people something different, but yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 7:Give the people something different. So, without further ado, I like to introduce my my album, my album, my album, my album, my album, my album, my album, my album Hope. What's my definition of success? Listening to what your heart says, standing up for what you know is right.
Speaker 3:Well, everybody else is I have to pause it there because that's one of my favorite lines in this whole song yeah like stand up for what you know knows right, even when everybody else is scared to do so, tucking their toe between their legs. Like I just feel. Like I don't know if we've ever really like had that as a society, but since I've been alive and at least old enough to understand society like that is not the case. Majority of people are going to follow the crowd if it's an easier route and like it's just so much more fulfilling. When you do listen to your heart and no matter what the outcome is, you can feel okay with it yeah, because you know that you gave it.
Speaker 3:You gave it your all yeah, well, and you were just true to yourself right.
Speaker 1:well, and authenticity is all we really have in the world truly is yourself, and if you're not being yourself, then who are you and who are you being that? That? That is a really I like that line.
Speaker 7:I do like that line. I do like that line.
Speaker 3:I know we just paused and I just want to make it quick, but um this is a breakdown, so expect a lot of words a lot of pauses, you mean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I bet.
Speaker 3:Um what did he?
Speaker 3:just say what did he just say? Oh yeah, just that last part of his definition of success. He said um, giving more when you have nothing left, like that is that pumps you up, like that's like something that a coach would say to you in the locker room when you're down at halftime. Yeah, it's like even just like working out, going through hard things in life that really like challenge our mental capabilities and like sometimes you're exhausted. Yeah, like you. It's like trying to push that bar up and your arms are just shaking. Right.
Speaker 3:But like you have to be able to just tap in and like just dig that little bit deeper and like get it up, right, finish it out. Yeah. Because, like, that's what it's going to take. Right. It's healing is hard.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, and I do like that. He says, like being brave enough to dream big. I mean, a lot of people think about dreams of their career or whatever. But you can take it to the point of where do you want your life to be in five years, as far as your mental life, your family life, your friend life, what dream do you have of what you wish life could be like? And not being afraid to have that mindset when you're in your healing journey to say like okay, when I am, like my mental is getting so overwhelming I want to give up so bad. And being able to have that like quick burst through of like I can't give up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but also like don't, don't let the world tell you, like, what your capabilities are. Yeah. Be brave enough to dream big, like I don't want to crap on any professions, but I grew up wanting to be a police officer. I'm not saying that's a small dream, but it's a very, extremely achievable dream. Here I feel like he's saying like I made it as a rapper, a white rapper yeah and like he's got a really good following yeah so obviously he had to dream big, right?
Speaker 3:it's not every day you grow up and say I want to be a rapper, I want to go into a professional sports, and people say, oh well, you might want to have like a backup plan because that probably won't work. It's like no dream big.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, well. And then the next line he follows it up with like the grind right, Like you have to put in the work you have to, or nothing will come of anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I think a lot of the time we convince ourselves that because of what? We're hearing from everyone else that it's not possible, and so we don't really put in as much work as we should, because we convince ourselves why would I do it anyway? Like, what are the chances that my dream comes true?
Speaker 1:yeah, like letting other people's ideas influence your decision. Yeah. When it's something that you really want. Yeah.
Speaker 7:Being brave enough to dream big, big when you're told to just quit. Quit more when you got nothing left. It's a person that'll take a chance on something, Something that we're talking never happened. It's a person that can see the bright side through the dark times when there ain't one. It's someone who ain't never had nothing. Ain't afraid to walk away from more profit because they'd rather do something that they really love and take the pay cut. It's a person that would never waver or change who they are just to try and gain some credibility so they can feel accepted by a stranger. It's a person that can take the furs in their life.
Speaker 1:I like, never thought about that line this way. But, like, how many of us are ignoring the people close to us that know us and care about us to try to get validation from strangers? Yeah, especially with the power of social media? How, like? How are you treating the people that are there? Yeah, but also how are you treating the people that are there?
Speaker 3:Yeah, but also, how are you treating yourself? Yeah. Why do you need validation from external sources? I'm not saying it's not nice to have that. I'm not saying it's not good for us to feel validated by other human beings. Yeah. But for it to like wreck our world, that somebody wouldn't validate us. I don't think, if we're in a healthy place, that it should have too much of an effect. Right, and that's definitely not a place I'm at by any means. Yeah. But I'm getting there, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah there, you know, yeah, yeah, also I do think like him. Having fear come in the like video is just it's just iconic.
Speaker 7:These music videos are so good some credibility so they can feel accepted by a stranger. It's a person that can take the fears and they life and turn them into motivation. It's believing in yourself when no one else does. It's amazing what a little bit of faith can do. If you don't even believe in you, why would you think or expect anybody else that's around you to? I done did things that I regret. I knew you were gonna pause.
Speaker 1:You know how much I love that.
Speaker 3:You know how much.
Speaker 1:I love that line. It goes back to like if you don't think you can do it, you won't. Yeah. And who is anybody else to tell you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I do like how it's like, if you don't believe in yourself, why would you expect someone else to believe in you, right? Like are you really offended that the fact that someone doesn't believe in you, right, you don't.
Speaker 1:you really offended that the fact that someone doesn't believe in you, right, you don't believe in you, yeah. So, why would somebody else?
Speaker 3:like people, can you should?
Speaker 1:know you the most.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And if it's think about it, somebody's like investing. Coming in looking at something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you're like timid, don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:And don't believe in what you're selling or pitching or whatever.
Speaker 3:They're going to see it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, spent years at the crossroad, but it was me who changed that. I changed it. Yeah, like he, I just love that. It's like it's that living in confidence. I did that. Yeah. I changed it. I was living there for how long?
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, and we know that he deals with OCD pretty, at least decently heavy, seems like he mentions it a lot.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think people who have ocd deal with it it's like just there. Yeah, it's literally, it's a um obsessive, like but I just picture being at a crossroad yeah and, like me too, also having ocd.
Speaker 3:Yeah, being in a four-way intersection, I'm just standing there like I don't know what, what way to take and like it paralyzes you. Yeah, there's too many options. Yeah. And you just you don't necessarily know where any of them go. Yeah. You might have an idea Right Based on scenery, what is in the distance, whatever. Yeah.
Speaker 3:But you don't know, yeah. But like he's saying, I changed that, yeah, and I know yeah. But like he's saying I changed that, yeah, and I just picture in like he just took one of these paths he's just gonna try something, whichever one felt the most right, he just went well, and that's the thing too is him saying like I had no hope, but I changed that?
Speaker 1:like is he saying he decided that he was gonna have hope and that's what changed it, that's what gave him more clarity to understand what path may be right.
Speaker 7:Yeah, of my life carrying a lot of baggage that I should have walked away from.
Speaker 3:Years of my life wishing I was someone different looking for some validation Years of my life trying to feel a void, pretending I love this little snippet in the video. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That obviously is not in the actual track that's on the album. The actual track that's on the album. But we we know in mansion he talks about this right here and this is like what's going on inside his head. In mansion this place sounds like there's just a bunch of stuff in there. It's cluttered, writing on the walls, on the floors, on everything he said in the song, punching holes in the wall and then, like here on hope, all these years later, the mansion is cleaned out yeah, like nothing is in there, right, the walls don't have any writing on them.
Speaker 3:Like it looks like it's I mean it's dusty, but it's ready to sell.
Speaker 1:Right, well, and not even ready to sell, but, I think, just ready to be walked away from. It has been walked away from. Yeah. It's dusty. It's dirty, like that's not a house, that's like up for sale Houses don't look like that when they're for sale.
Speaker 3:Well, it's also not like a place that he's living in anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Right, Well, and then to have fear push him back into this place is also a good, like a good reminder to not let, to not let fear push you back into a place that isn't that you've moved out of.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But it'll probably happen, oh for sure, especially when you're first learning and first trying and changing those neural pathways. The brain and the body knows goes back to what it knows and that's what's kept it safe.
Speaker 1:Of course you're gonna go back there yeah but learning how to have, like that control over the fear that you live in and the hope that you have, and learning how to control those things for the betterment of you, especially coming from somebody like I have a generalized anxiety disorder. I always say like I swear I had anxiety coming out of the womb Like depression. I can put like a timeline on as far as, like middle school. Yeah, anxiety, literally don't know a time in my life don't have a conscious remembrance of like not being anxious, and fear is something I lived in for a long time and then having traumatic experiences through childhood just cemented that fear more and more and more. Yeah, it presented itself in completely different ways than like yours, but it was there and it was strong. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Did you? Already go back. I don't know. I love that.
Speaker 7:It sounds like it's like coming from, like a yeah, it's like coming from, like a, it's echoing, yeah.
Speaker 3:All of his burdens that he's now moved to one room inside the mansion.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, but also the lyrics right there where he says that it's a necessary evil. Yeah. And there's going to be growing pains and they're going to suck, but it's beneficial.
Speaker 3:Yeah, not just beneficial, but necessary, necessary. It needs to happen.
Speaker 1:Right and like it's, it's needs to happen, right, well, and you think about nobody freaking. Likes change yeah but it's so necessary for evolution to take place yeah and to be able to evolve as a person and a human and overcome your struggles and your battles. Yeah. It's necessary, but like end of thought right there. But I'm just going to go back to what you were saying. With all of his burdens in one room. Also, I love that he just barges into the room, he's not?
Speaker 3:afraid to open any doors anymore? Yeah, and he's not paying any attention to fear. Yeah, he's looking around the room like what's going on here? Yeah, but he's not like giving fear a time of day yeah, sorry.
Speaker 1:I just thought of the unfortunate fact that a lot of people have to hit their rock bottom to get the help they need. We're a stubborn species yeah, and how sad it is that there are people who hit their rock bottom and, instead of letting that rock bottom push off of the bottom and propel you into something better, yeah, and it defines you yeah, it defines you, it holds you back, it keeps you at rock bottom for so long, or at least near the bottom for so long.
Speaker 1:And even worse, people who do commit suicide and just end it and don't think that there's ever anything better.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's. That's such a, it's so horrible. Well, and I know like what sucks for me thinking about it is, I feel like most of those people. I mean, you hear all the time stories of people who have attempted to commit suicide and lived through it and they say so many, so many of them will tell you like the moment I pulled the trigger, the moment I jumped, I regretted it the instant that I committed to it yeah it was a regret yeah, because I got to the point of no turning back yeah, because, like you do, I can see how you get to that point.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Yeah, I've been down bad, yeah, and the thing is is that it's just a moment. It's a moment where you're just down, down, down. That moment might be a few hours, a few days a few weeks whatever the case, but it's just a moment, weeks, whatever the case but it's just a moment. If you were in a clear mind, you'd be able to tell yourself it'll be, it'll get better, yeah. But when you're in that, just enveloped with it it's like this sucks Right.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think it's so good for me to like hear you say those things. I know that you're not like going to attempt suicide, but you have been in places at that low of like I don't have a plan, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it and for you to, in your healthy mind, truly understand okay, I know that that's not truly how I feel and you've you it's not like this is the first time I'm hearing this.
Speaker 1:You say this. These are conversations that we have after those things have been said, or whatever, once we're in healthy places.
Speaker 3:But but it's hard to bring that, that healthy version of me, into the equation when it, when I'm hanging out with the old version of me. Yeah, it's like I don't even think about right, like I know I'm gonna feel better like I don't have that thought it'd be one thing if I had that thought and ignored it and just chose to stay miserable. But I don't even have the thought, right.
Speaker 1:But then also like the fact that we are a species, that we need our people around us, we need our community, we need a support system system and because I have really truly tried to like, understand and listen to who you are fully the the, the fear side and the hope side and accepting those sides of you, I've understood how to better help you in those moments and I can help you get to those points a lot faster and a lot easier. Yeah.
Speaker 7:So I'm a prime example of what happens when you choose to not accept defeat and face your demons. Took me 30 years to realize that if you want to get the opportunity to be the greatest version of yourself, sometimes you gotta, will you talk about who that guy is?
Speaker 1:You told me before.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so in. We'll get to this later on as we continue to record videos. But this is the dude from Let you Down. He's the old guy that is watching nate burn in the car, drown in the river, and it never really like alludes to who he is. Yeah, then at the very end it his wife calls him and it's like hey, nate.
Speaker 3:And the old guy turns around and you see his real music tattoo on his arm yeah which is nate's yeah and so, and then the cage is from his perception album, where he talks about him being inside the cage holding the keys to let himself out, but being locked in the cage, yeah, and it's like we hold the key literally to letting ourselves out of the cage that we are living in. The cage that we're telling ourselves we hate being in and is the reason we're crazy. We're holding the keys to let ourselves out and we're just standing there holding the bars.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what do you think that it means, like in terms of the song, the fact that he brings that up?
Speaker 3:song the fact that he brings that up for me I see it as like, if he didn't choose to focus on healing, this would. This is his future, yeah like he's gonna be an old man, still inside that cage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I want to go back and see because he's saying right there too, like he's the prime example of what happens, as he's walking into a prime example of what happens if you don't do it right, yeah, okay sometimes you have to oh I love his freaking lines hold on. Sometimes you gotta be someone you're not. You're, it's gonna feel like you're not that person. Someone you're not, it's gonna feel like you're not that person when you're like healing, it does feel that way. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I still feel that way to a high degree.
Speaker 1:Right, but like, sometimes you gotta be someone you're not to hear the voice of reason.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it doesn't mean like. I mean I don't know what it means, but I don't Interpret this as being like Someone you're not. I don't. I don't think someone you're not. Yeah. Is saying your whole entire personality, yeah, at all times. Yeah, I think it's saying when you're in that place yeah.
Speaker 1:Saying when you're in that place yeah, when you are that person you don't have that voice of reason you need to be someone that you're not at this moment yeah, it doesn't mean that you're not that ever right or you can't consider yourself that 98 of the time right, but when you're in that moment of living on the other side, you have to like take a step back and be like what part of me am I being right now? Yeah. And I need to be the person that is the voice of reason. Right now, I need to step into that mindset.
Speaker 3:But you have to practice. Yeah, because you're not going to remember to do this every single time when you first start healing.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:You might go 10 times of like still having a normal blow up. Yep. And then that 11th time is when you finally have the thought of like, oh, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Yeah. And then you listen to it and next time you have like three blowouts before you have that thought, come back. Yeah, it's not like you're just going to wake up one day and decide like this is who I'm going to be from here on out, every single day.
Speaker 1:This is who I'm going to. This is the part of me that I'm going to live in and be in all the time, Right? No, like you can't just wake up one day and accept that.
Speaker 3:It is hard to accept that, though, cause I I used to do that every single time in the past. It was like, okay, I'm setting this as my goal, I'm committed to it. Right, it doesn't go perfectly. I get pissed.
Speaker 1:Well, and you're like I'm not going to try, why am I? Even trying. Why am I doing this? Why would I do that? And then you just have the best wife in the entire world that tells you that we don't give up. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Literally, sometimes I really feel like I have to be like your coach. Honestly and that just might be because, like of who we are as people, we both like respond to the like more athletic mind, competitive mind, and so like, literally, I would I have to tell you like do you want to give up?
Speaker 1:yeah like are you a quitter? Like we're at like halftime, pump up, we're trailing, yeah, like also, I just want to point out that you I believe that if you do have kids, it should be a moment to step back and really evaluate yourself, because you are influencing these humans, that you are in charge of them, you are molding them into the people they are going to be. That is a big deal, and so, if you do have kids, please do that first of all. But also, like, if you're planning on having kids one day, please do this. If you're not planning on having kids one day, please do this. It is still worth it. You deserve it. Like, yeah, everybody deserves this. You don't have to have kids to do it, but I do love that NF always takes time in his songs and his music to talk about how important family is to him.
Speaker 3:Right, I mean we know he was very neglected as a child. Yeah. And and it's great to see him take that so seriously Right, like I know what it feels like to be neglected, so my children are never going to feel that.
Speaker 1:Well, and both of us have feelings of that manner towards our childhood, of feeling neglected. Yeah. In different ways, in multiple ways, between both of us and family is so important to both of us, because it's what we craved.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:It's what we've wanted our whole lives, and so to see that portrayed in somebody who especially has so much influence is just so good to see. Yeah.
Speaker 7:Yeah, the reason I've been making. Really take a step back and look in the mirror. At least for me, that's what it did. I also really do like that, that line. I just don't want him to grow up thinking that he'll never be enough.
Speaker 1:I also really do like that, that line. I mean there's so many things in that line that are like heavy and beautiful and amazing and whatever right, but for him to be able to still say like this is how I felt as a kid, right, and this wasn't a shot. Mom, I'm not trying to attack you and beat you down and blame you, yeah, but I just don't it is part of his story it is part of his story.
Speaker 3:He's not just gonna leave it out yeah, to like save her memory or like make her look better, or whatever right like it's. It's not to take a shot. It's not saying it to be rude. Yeah, it's just a fact.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and like just the way that he portrays what true like forgiveness is too is like they say forgiveness is for, isn't for the person who wronged you. Yeah, it's for yourself and that's that's. It's kind of a true monument in that, especially because his mom has passed yeah you've said before, like it is so crazy to you that he's forgiven his mom without her, without her being here without being able to, like sit down, have a face-to-face conversation and hearing her story and like I don't know.
Speaker 3:I mean, I just feel like I needed more understanding in order to get to that point with my mom yeah but not being able to have that. I mean, maybe when you know that's not an option it's different, but to me it's just like man that must have taken some serious work yeah to get to that point of being able to say, hey, it's okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's crazy, thank you.
Speaker 3:I need to go back so that I can like actually talk about a couple things. Yeah, but I didn't want to interrupt that whole sequence.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't either I literally, like the whole time was just like Listening to it just like as is is amazing. Amazing. I know it literally like gets my heart racing. I love it.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And literally like Well, and all the.
Speaker 1:Feel my, feel my heart right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, feel my heart right now.
Speaker 1:yeah, and all the instruments and the orchestra sounds, literally when we were at the, when we were at the concert, oh, like, I literally like, thank god, I am not like addicted to hard drugs or like do hard drugs, because I would have like jumped off that balcony at the end of it, like it was just so three stories up it was just so high nobody down there catches you like, just like hit the ground at the reins.
Speaker 3:That'd be so sad everyone turns around and just stares at you for a second and goes like that was just so epic you're just there
Speaker 1:you can't say that. You cannot say that, no, but like I'm also the books I'm reading right now. There's like this drug that like makes people, like it latches on to like deep feelings. If you've ever been suicidal, it like latches on to that. It's like this whole thing and like I was literally thinking about that as like if I took kill blaze, which is the drug in this book, and I was at that concert, I would literally be like it's just so epic, okay, but anyways, what do you want to say about this part?
Speaker 7:30 years of pain, 30 years of fearful, 30 years of anger, 30 years of empty, 30 years of shame, 30 years of broken, 30 years of anguish, 30 years of hopeless 30 years of all these times that we've listened to.
Speaker 1:This is he's starting to vocalize and almost like scream out to the world, like I'm letting these things go of all those things that I felt about myself for the last 30 years, like I'm screaming it out that that's true getting it out of me and then fear is coming like hey, don't, don't let this out, what are you doing? Yeah like hold up.
Speaker 1:His fears are starting to lose control yes and all of these words that he's using, yeah, are words that come from fear, right well and all of these words that he's using, I bet are the words, some of the words, that come from fear. Right, well, and all of these words that he's using, I bet are the words, some of the words, that were scribbled on the walls of the mansion about who he was, the belief in his diary, his notebook exactly like, and most of these words are things that I think all of us have experienced at some point.
Speaker 1:They are there are human experiences and human emotions. It's a story that we all share.
Speaker 3:Yeah, nobody gets out of it.
Speaker 1:And to be able to take control like that and let it out like the, the personification of doing that within his. This song and this video, and this, like everything about it, is just like it should ring true to all of us yeah oh, so good also just being willing to accept all of these things yeah, you're accepting them. Yeah, because you're speaking them aloud.
Speaker 3:You're giving them, yeah a voice you're saying like for 30 years I've been doing this, yep, this, this.
Speaker 1:Yep. I've believed this, this and this about myself, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I love these two back to back. 30 years of pushing everyone away, Like if that doesn't describe me, I don't know what does. Like, especially seven, eight years ago. Like if you reached a certain point of closeness to me. It was like see you later, Either I would destroy the relationship or I just would cease to like have the relationship and like it's just that, like fear, like it's fear protecting itself from anyone or anything that could potentially sway you away from being afraid or could hurt you or just what you perceive could hurt you yeah because it's not always things that are actually dangerous to you.
Speaker 3:You just perceive them as a danger because that's what you've learned to do.
Speaker 1:Okay, but one of the reasons that you would push people away is because you didn't want them to have the opportunity to hurt you. Yeah. And I think that that's probably a common fear in people who have had abandonment in their lives, especially their young lives. That's probably a shared feeling.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 1:And like on the other hand, I am usually one that like tries to cling and like cannot let go. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I have to learn how to let go of a lot of things in life and also like people and like I. That's the lesson I have to learn. It's like I had to learn the opposite lesson of you and and you and I are like it's just a moment of like. I'm glad I'm married to you and we have each other and I feel like we are literally like each other's yin and yang. Yeah is because we balance each other out so well in that way yeah that's tender and I don't want to cry so.
Speaker 1:But another part I love about this part is how he starts like yelling.
Speaker 3:Yeah, back and forth.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And getting so like.
Speaker 1:Passionate, passionate and like, ooh, just like fear, looks scared when he's yelling Right. Yeah, like you'll never evolve, is what he's trying to say to him. Yeah, and hope comes back and is like still, just like I'm winning.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I will win and that was the other line that I want to talk about was right after the one we just spoke on. You'll never evolve like. I love the word evolve and and nf uses it a few times throughout his album, but it's where he will specifically use the word evolve in place of a word that most other people would put there, and he'll put evolve. Yeah, and it's like when I think of this like as dorky as it sounds, I think of like Pokemon. Shut up. That's amazing.
Speaker 3:Like when a Pokemon evolves into. Like its next form, its next form yeah it's bigger, it's stronger it's better like period and I think of like evolving and just being like yeah, okay, I love that now I'm just like better do you want to?
Speaker 1:you want me to tell you what I think about. I think of like a caterpillar evolving into a butterfly that's what I always think of with like evolves yeah because it's just such a it's such a immediate like evolution of species, yeah, that like we see, yeah, and like how you have to think that you're gonna die in this cocoon and then you become a beautiful butter. Like it's just such a good like paradox and like I love it, but then also like it's like cute and you're like pokemon, but like thinking about evolving.
Speaker 3:Yeah, however, you want to look at it yeah um and fear saying like and this is what fear does, right when you're trying to change yeah when you're trying to say positive things about yourself, it's gonna come back. It's gonna come back when you're trying to say positive things about yourself.
Speaker 1:It's going to come back. It's going to come back and it's going to tell you negative things about yourself, the same things that you've been telling yourself and negative things, in a way that is like it's going to come back and tell you the things that it knows is going to make you Question, question. Yeah, it's you against you, baby.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it knows all of your deepest fears, the things that are going to trigger you the most, but then it be your own brain yeah, but then like it's saying you'll never evolve, and then coming back with I know I can change. Yeah, like that's what evolving is is changing yep, and it doesn't have to be looked at as like as extravagant as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly or freaking pokemon character leveling up like it's just change right, or even I also think about like um, who was it?
Speaker 1:Darwin? Is that the one who went to the Galapagos Islands? Yeah. And saw the like evolutionary change of like their fur changes, and you know what I mean. Yeah, like. It doesn't have to be as extravagant as that either. It doesn't have to just happen from generation to like. Oh yeah, the next generation should be better than the generation before, but it can't be better unless that generation starts building the blocks so that it can be better Unless the individuals within the generation are better. Exactly.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so like it's just change. That's what evolution is is change, and change can happen now.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Ugh, I love it.
Speaker 3:It's not as hard as we make it out to be yeah, but it also is hard. That part of fear yelling at him just hits me every time where he's like you don't have the heart like what a dagger, what a dagger to throw yeah because if you're not in a good space and you have a thought like that, you don't have the heart. That's the kind of stuff that makes people give up yeah is if they convince themselves. I don't have the heart. Yeah. I can't do it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I feel like that's giving up, telling yourself you don't have the heart and just letting it be it. Okay, I guess I don't have the heart. Yeah. Like no, you got to fight back.
Speaker 1:Well, and then I also love this part where, like fear says, like, is it like three things in a row? You gotta fight back. Well, and I also love this part where, like fear says, like, is it like three things in a row, four things in a row? Just, I mean, look at the freaking veins. Like it's like he's getting choked out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like like he is so desperate and like he is so close to like being dead and not having control that's what I mean by being dead, and that's why he does three in a row yeah, it's like this is my hail, mary yes, yeah, but like, but also that's totally how it feels. Before you get to that like point of I'm taking the reins, yeah it's like you are like clawing out of yourself, like you want to crawl out of your skin with this, like fear yeah, it's like.
Speaker 3:It's like playing a freaking rivalry game in sports. Yeah, it's gonna be a brawl. Yeah, it's gonna be haymakers back and forth they know you the best.
Speaker 1:Yep, you play each other the most. They know you the best yeah okay, let's go back a little and then play it yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7:Honestly, though, like to be like oh wait, wait, just go back for a second.
Speaker 1:You never be loved, you'll never be safe. Might as well give up. Those are freaking daggers. Yeah, literally just saying not running away. Like to come back from all of those daggers and say I'm not running away from this. Yeah, I'm not running away from these fears yeah, it's powerful that's powerful. That's the hoodie I got at the concert was the done running hoodie, because I love that I like that merchandise, the done running shirts and all those ones hi like like I'm done, running from this, I'm facing it yeah I'm facing you, I'm owning you literally, because then it's like I'm taking the reins yeah, well, I love
Speaker 3:I'm in control now, like on freaking that inside out movie, like I'm in control of the panel now yeah, when I love the last line, where it's just like he starts saying that sentence, like I'm taking the, and then fear says no and he says I'm taking the reins. Yeah, like fear, let out that last. Like it hurt. Yeah, fear, yeah, yeah, fear, yeah, to have to be defeated. Right. It shows like fear gave absolutely everything he could on top of this mountain.
Speaker 1:Okay, but think about the freaking Inside Out 2 movie that we saw, where anxiety just had to learn that that, like it was, everybody had to understand that it was doing things from a place of love. It thought that it was doing the right thing. It thought that it was protecting.
Speaker 1:Riley and so fear thinks the same way. It's not something that you can demonize in yourself. I think that's where the acceptance and the love and then the being able to move on and heal comes from is accepting. It's a part of me and I understand that you think that this is love and you're doing this because of love.
Speaker 3:But you have to allow certain things to happen in your life, even if past experiences have proved those things to be scary, Because that's where fear convinces, that's where, because of fear, you convince yourself that, well, because that happened to me and I was hurt, I'm never going to let that situation even play out another time. But you have to train yourself to like let those things happen and then it's like okay, like I just let that happen and it was fine. I think it's still good to have your guard up to a certain extent. Yeah.
Speaker 3:So that you can still protect yourself.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:But it doesn't need to be just like this, glaring, like to every single thing around you, right? Right, right.
Speaker 1:And, like we have the overall right, we have hope and fear are the two main things. Right, and we're capable of fear for a reason, and it's because it can be used to protect you as well, as long as it's in control controlled yeah, sorry, that's what I meant.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, as long as it's being controlled like yeah, fear and control all of a sudden, I've just flipped completely and I'm like yeah, no, but like it's the accepting and like understanding that it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be the one in control and understanding that it shouldn't be and accepting that you have it and embracing that you have. You have the ability to feel deeply like you. Like we've talked about in the podcast is like changing the the story, changing the book, changing the narrative. You have the power to do that yeah so do it well and at least try and and like it doesn't.
Speaker 1:It's not gonna be perfect. You're not gonna wake up tomorrow and the whole book's gonna be rewritten.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, and the last thing that the last thing that I want to say is that just the kind of whole theme of this reminds me of a story. I don't remember where exactly I heard it and I don't remember it perfectly, but there was somebody who was trying to be like one of the first or first few people to ever swim across the English Channel. Okay.
Speaker 3:From, like France or whatever, to England. And they had to do it with no breaks but there was like a safety boat that followed them across if they decided to give up. And it was like foggy and everything and they were swimming and swimming and swimming and like they got so tired to the point that they finally just like decided to throw in the towel and climb in the boat. And then the boat took her I think it was a woman, took her like a quarter mile to shore. She couldn't see that the shore was that close and she gave up Because she was like I've shore was that close and she gave up because she was like I've given everything that I've got and it's like don't give up because you don't know, with mental health, you don't know how close you are to breaking through and like hitting that point of that's heartbreaking.
Speaker 3:Okay, like yeah if you, you give up and you could have been like this close to hitting your breakthrough and like hitting that point of that's heartbreaking, okay yeah. Like if you give up and you could have been, like this close to hitting your breakthrough and if you just would have like. Seen it through Persevered for like two more weeks. Let's say you could have had a moment that was like holy crap.
Speaker 1:Life changing, life changing Ugh, that's so sad that that happened though yeah, sucks that sucks but, really good lesson.
Speaker 3:Yes she never gave up on anything in her life.
Speaker 1:After that, I bet if she was you, that would be the case. Your ocd would never let you do that again. You would die before you let that happen.
Speaker 3:You're like doing something where I'm actually going to die.
Speaker 7:People are like bro, you'll die, You'll die. I'm not giving up. Never again.
Speaker 1:That's actually hilarious. Okay, well, also, I did want to say for the video as well, that beautiful last thought, by the way, but I did want to say we did. Definitely took a lot longer on this song. Um, not all of our breakdowns will be like this, but we wanted to do this kind of as like our intro to why we care about these songs, kind of the well and hope is your favorite nf song and it is I don't want to say it's not my favorite, but like this and maybe a couple more I wouldn't say this tied at the top is this my favorite?
Speaker 1:we should have to rank like our top three songs after we do this.
Speaker 3:I'm glad you only said three. If you said like a bigger number, I would. That would have destroyed me. I would have been. I would take eight hours to do like 10 songs. What are your top 10 nf songs?
Speaker 1:oh, give me a work day, I'll get back to you no, I'm saying, like we need to pick three, so like we can only pick three and then rank them one, two and three and we have to choose. We should do that at the end of. We should like do this from like when we finish this series. Yeah, because that makes sense. Like we're gonna go and break all of them down. You know what I mean yeah um, but what was I saying?
Speaker 3:so the videos won't always be this long it won't always be this long.
Speaker 1:Also, this is our podcast episode for the week, so, um we wanted to give our listeners. We've had people interested in our reaction videos as far as like sports music. Um reality TV dating shows, yeah.
Speaker 3:Just a little sneak peek of what the channel will look like outside of Talk it Out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so hopefully you guys, whatever channel you're on, go check out the other channel if you're interested. We would love to have you in both places. Definitely, community is a big reason why we're doing this channel and our podcast. So please like be a part of our community and comment. Go to our Instagram for Talk it Out at Talk it Out underscore show if you're not already following us and leave comments and interact there with us. Not already following us? And leave comments and interact there with us. And also, please go like give give feedback on original videos. The links will be in our bio as well. Yeah, um, this is nate's music, so he deserves all and that's just his channel.
Speaker 3:NF Real Music, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we'll catch you guys on the next one. I love how much we just talked about Hope. I love that song so much, seriously.
