Ep 123: Toni Everard - How To Know if You Block Receiving in Your Business

Ep 123 – 🎧 Show Notes: How to Know If You Block Receiving in Your Business

For many service providers, the challenge isn’t wanting more clients, money or ease. It’s feeling safe enough to receive them.

In this episode, business and mindset coach Toni Everard explores why so many heart-led service providers unconsciously block receiving, not because they’re afraid of success, but because receiving has come with consequences in the past.

This conversation goes beneath mindset and strategy and looks at the protective walls people build to avoid judgement, over-responsibility, emotional obligation and the fear of being blamed if others don’t get results. Toni also unpacks how introversion can be a way of holding energy back to avoid depletion, and why safety, boundaries and structure are essential for sustainable growth.

This episode is for service providers who want to receive more income without burning out, over-giving or losing themselves in the process.

In this episode, you will learn:

• Why people don’t block receiving because they don’t want more, but because they fear the consequences of receiving
• How walls built for protection can quietly repel clients, income and opportunity
• Why many heart-led service providers associate receiving with obligation, judgement or “strings attached”
• How introversion can be a strategy for conserving energy when receiving has felt draining or unsafe
• Why blurred responsibility makes growth feel risky and keeps businesses stuck just under six figures
• How boundaries and structure replace walls and make receiving feel safe again

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If you found it valuable, share it with someone who’s building a service-based business and wants to grow without over-giving, or leave a review to help more people discover The Coaching Circle.

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Transcript

0:00

You are listening to the Coaching Circle with Tony Everard, business and Mindset coach and your strategic thinking partner. This podcast is for those who want to step out of the hustle and glow in the flow. We'll talk about all things mindset, energy, and structure so you can evolve from the inside out and build a business that supports the life you want to live. Let's dive in. Welcome to another episode of the Coaching Circle podcast, and today I'm talking about something that affects a lot of the business owners that I work with, and that is really about feeling blocked to receiving in your business now. It might not be the first thing that comes to your mind that is, oh, I'm blocked to receiving, but I'm gonna talk about what it is and how it might show up for you. Because if you've ever felt like you are giving a lot, and you're trying hard, and you're doing all the things, but you are just not getting the reward, the clients, the income, the ease that you want, the support that you want, then this might be something that's going on for you. And it's really important that you can recognize this and understand what's going on at a really deep level so that you can do something to change it. And, this, like I said, is so important in business and I'm really. really passionate about supporting small business owners because we make a big difference to, society, to the community. So many people are supported by small business, whether it's by the services that you provide or just the income that you are creating so that you can support yourself and your family and and then be able to buy from other small businesses. It's a really important part of society, so I'm very passionate about it, and I think that if you're in small business. You've gotta learn how to do this right and align yourself with it so that you can do it successfully. Because this is why we start businesses to start with, right? Is that we wanna be able to be in control of our life and what it is that we do, and live a life that we actually love living. This is something I'm super passionate about. So if you are feeling like the, what you are giving out isn't being matched by what you are receiving, then. Then I'm talking to you. Okay. I'm talking to you. So receiving could be receiving support, it could be receiving, a sense of ease or relief, or receiving more clients or more income, more revenue into your business, more attention. Under your business as well. So it could be, if you feel like you are the world's best kept secret, then this could be a way that you are blocking receiving of attention as well. So when we talk about receiving, it all comes down to energy, right? We're either giving energy or we are receiving energy, and this is the basis of all life, right? That we live in. So even if you breathe, you can't just breathe in. It is gonna get uncomfortable unless you breathe out. And the same as if you breathe out, it gets uncomfortable if you don't breathe back in again. There's always this giving and receiving. There's always these cycles and this is how the world works and it's no different when than we're in our business. Now the reason though, why you might be blocked to receiving. It can be a little bit deeper than maybe you've thought about before, and it's certainly not something that people usually do consciously or deliberately, but usually we block receiving because it's a form of protection, right? It's a form of conditioning that we've learned. From childhood, and it's a form of protection. So receiving isn't generally blocked by whether you desire something or not. It's blocked by the fear of consequence. So most people think that, they're afraid of success or being too visible, or that they've got some, blocks around money. And this can be true, but. What I really think is underneath this, and what I've found for myself and clients that I've helped to really shift this, is that receiving just doesn't feel safe or it hasn't felt safe in the past because often receiving, whether that's support or love or connection or money or anything else like that, having just that people in your space can come with consequences or it can come with strings attached. In the past, receiving may have meant for you that you, like for example, if you had attention on you, that perhaps you got judged or scrutinized. if you were blamed for someone else not getting the results that they wanted to get or someone not having what they want and they weren't taking that responsibility for themselves and they were blaming you for it, you might have been having to carry a lot of responsibility. That wasn't yours to carry from a very young age, and that could be emotional responsibility. It could be actual, doing tasks, responsibility. It could be that you would lose control of your own time, that other people would encroach on your time and take up more of your time, and you didn't have control over that. Or you might be thinking that if I have more people in my business, more clients in my business, that I'll get burnt out. That I'll always have to be on that I'll have to be on 24 7. you might have been expected to overgive, when you were young. You might have had a lot of emotional obligation. Or feeling emotionally controlled by other people and just a sense that support or connection or allowing people in came with some kind of strings attached. And so this is when we get into this space of feeling like receiving. It feels like we're gonna owe somebody something, and that your system, then your nervous system, your unconscious mind does something that's very smart for that situation, very smart for that situation where you don't have any other options. And that is it can build some walls around you. So often I hear about. People saying that they don't feel supported or they don't feel connected, or they don't feel like anybody really knows them. Then this can also be really closely linked to not receiving support or not receiving money because we've got wolves up. And those wolves are there to protect you. They've been built by your nervous system, your unconscious mind to protect you. But what they also do is they. Block the flow of energy. They block the flow of us receiving anything that's actually gonna be good for us as well. you can't have a wool that only stops. bad people getting in. It also stops, good people from getting in, right? that's how wolves work. It stops people giving you all their drama, but it also stops you from getting the support that you need. So we've gotta really be aware of these wolves that we've built and find much more effective ways to protect our peace, to protect our wellbeing, to protect our time, all of these things that we may not have. Learned, when we were young. So the wolves aren't flaws that you have. The wolves aren't blockages that are fixed in there that can't be shifted, right? They're not tattoos that are stuck on your skin. Mind you, tattoos can be lasered off. Now these days, I can tell you that for sure, I've had that done before. But these wolves are protection strategies and they will exist until you find a more efficient way of keeping yourself safe and protected. And they keep you safe from feeling like you are being drained or you are being used, or that you are being emotionally manipulated by other people or that you are being held risk. Responsible for things that you can't control. And, but that, like I said, this is the paradox. It's those walls that protect us from getting drained or from, being attacked or judged or scrutinized or expected of that also repel the beautiful clients and income that you actually want to receive. And so receiving does require a level of openness, and openness requires a level of inner safety. Now, when I say inner safety, this is really important because inner safety is the structure that you need for yourself so that you can increase your capacity for receiving. When we talk about WW are like something that we try to create as an external thing, we try to block out the external things to keep ourselves safe, whereas we want to create a structure that means we are much more open to receiving, but we know we've got control over what it is that we do receive. And when we are really clear about that, it becomes an energetic. Boundary that we have that's very easy to hold in place and to trust so that you can trust yourself to receive the clients, the income, the connection, the people into your life. So if we are not open and you nervous system is braced, even subtly, then the signal that you are sending out is approach carefully. Okay? And If you have this kind of energetic imprint that says, I'm bracing for your, before you enter my area, your clients are gonna feel that. And the really important thing is that clients want to feel safe coming into your space. Clients want to feel safe paying you money. Clients want to feel like you have a container that can hold them. If you've got an energetic blueprint that says, I'm wary of you, that doesn't feel safe and inviting. For your clients and they feel like, oh, I could, it feels risky for me to come in here 'cause I don't know how you are going to respond. I don't know if you are going to flake out. I don't know if you are going to shut me out. I don't know if you are going to deliver, because this container doesn't feel like a safe container for me to step into. This doesn't feel like a safe container that I wanna bring my money into, so we. This is why so many really amazing, coaches, practitioners, service providers really get stuck at a certain level because they haven't been able to expand that capacity of being seen, of, being able to receive, of creating that support for themselves that makes it feel good for more clients to come into. And that's not a lack of skill. This isn't like a skill problem. This isn't because you're not really great at what you are doing. It's because you haven't built this inner safety or the structure even in your business to feel like it's going to hold that for you. Now, this is why so much of the work that I've done with my clients, I've seen people who are like, oh, okay, I'll try all this lead generation. And maybe I'll go and put some ads out, I'll do all these things thinking it's just that not enough people are seeing me. But it's not that you can put all the money you like into ads, but if they're going out with the same type of energy that's trying to protect you. It, they still won't bring people in. So the deep work that I do with people that makes the bigger shift is creating this inner safety. It's creating this inner reality where you know it's safe for you to be able to hold your boundaries and have a clear expectation of what your role is. And what your client's role is when they come into your space. And that makes all the difference. And when you do that, then it becomes so much more of a joy to be interacting with people, to be having sales conversations with people, to be able to receive money because it feels safe. It feels like you've got the capacity to keep yourself safe while you are receiving, whether that's attention, clients income, all of those things. Now really interesting is that a lot of the heart led people that I work with also tend to be higher on the introversion spectrum. Now that means that whether you are introverted or extroverted does has to do with how you. how you create energy in yourself or how you restore energy in yourself. So people that are highly extroverted, love being around people, they'll feel it, feel energized by being around people, and they really love that. People that are highly and so extroverted, people are often much more open, right? Because they're willing to interact and have that energy exchanged with other people. People that are highly introverted. And like I said, it's a scale. You're not like just completely one end or the other. You might be, but you can be in between as well. But people that are highly introverted. Do not feel safe. Being around other people and being around a lot of other people can be very draining for them. They want to recharge by themselves or very, with like few very quiet people to, you know, one or two people that are also quiet that they feel safer to recharge around. Now, for myself, I classify myself as a, Extroverted introvert. And that is, I do love going out and I do a lot of social things and I've run trainings and groups and all those kinds of things and I love doing that. And I also know at the end of the day, I still need to recharge at home by myself. I'm not gonna recharge at the end of a big day by going out with more people that won't work for me. but it's become. More, I've got greater capacity for having more social interaction or more interaction with more people the more I've created the inner safety for myself. And so what that means is that when you are highly introverted, you are likely got bigger walls up, right? You spend more time trying to, manage your energy. Around other people, because introversion is based on, and this comes from METAPROGRAMS and NLP, and how you can change this for yourself. You're not just stuck one way or the other. Introversion comes from this deep seated belief that it's not safe for me to be around other people, but it's not safe for me to be perceived by other people. And so I'm always a bit on guard. If I'm highly introverted, I'm always having to. see what's going on around me and what, like how do I keep myself safe? And this is very unconscious, okay? But you can change it. So the more you create this inner safety and essentially inner safety means that, do I know that people can still judge me or perceive me in a way, negative way, or that they might still criticize me or any of those things? Yes, I know that's possible. However, I also know that they don't have a right to. Okay. I don't have to let any of that in. That's more to do with them than it is to me. And if I hold myself in a space of a hundred percent, believing that I have a right to show up and to express myself and to have my own needs and to receive and to be supported and all those things, and I've got a God-given, To that. Then anyone else who tries to go against that, I'm gonna know that I'm more worried. I'm more in the mind that they're a problem than I think that I'm a problem. And that it's obvious that they're the problem. And then your certainty about that trumps their doubt. And when you are really certain about what you deserve and how much of right you have to feel. Safe and, that you belong. And to be able to express yourself and that anybody else trying to, have a go at you cross your boundaries is not okay, then the less likely you will have people trying to cross your boundaries, right? This is what's really important. The more we have a fear that someone's gonna, cross our boundaries and that we don't have control over that, the more likely you're gonna find people who want to do that because they're the kind of people that are looking for people who. They can do that too, right? So it is like that mirror. Whatever you fear you are going to create as an external reality. So you strengthen that within yourself, right? You strengthen within yourself around what you believe you are entitled to, and that is your piece that is, your own boundaries, that is your own expression that is being supported, that is receiving all of those things. You have this certainty that's okay for you to have. Then the less likely you are going to have people going against that. So that's the inner certainty that you create for yourself. And this has a lot to do with masculine and feminine energy as well, because it's the masculine energy that will. Protect your boundaries, that will defend your boundaries, that will have a really strong energetic boundary that people can feel that they won't just cross your boundaries. You can express that, and when that's there strongly, then you will feel much safer. The feminine energy feels safe to receive the feminine energy feels safe, to be supported, to trust what they're receiving, to, be expressed and to know their value and their worth. This is the real key to it. And this can take some really deep work, right? Working with a coach, working with someone who understands these structures, and it's so much more important. It's important for everyone, but if you are in sales, you are in business. You are in a space where you are needing to express your value to receive, then this is way more important than what you would possibly think. And in fact, your business will not survive or will not grow unless you can bring this in. And so that is, a big part of it. And when we think about this as receiving, sometimes that can feel like a big responsibility to people. Okay. And so that deeper sort of feeling of, oh, I'm gonna be responsible if people don't get results, they're going to blame me. and that can send us into this space of overgiving or being, taking responsibility for other people's victimhood or other people's emotional states. It can be that place where we are overgiving and overdelivering to feel like we are before we feel like we are valued. And when that responsibility is blurred, when there's a blurred between what your responsibility is and what your client's responsibility is, that's when receiving still feels dangerous. And so that's really the important part, is being really clear around who's what responsibility. And your responsibility is never for other people's emotional stakes. Even if you are a therapist, you can help people. To change their emotional state, but you can't do it for them. It's still their responsibility. We are still dealing with adults, unless you're working with children and then of course you're working with children in a different capacity. But you gotta think about this as, an adult. Being really clear around where these boundaries are and often people that are givers and are heart led and like to help others and like to feel needed and like to be able to, make a positive difference in people's lives. Were often the people that as children had too much responsibility or they were given the responsibility of. parenting adults around them or being responsible for the emotional states of the a adults around them. And look, I know I get this, I've been there as well. This is deep work that I've had to do for myself, but it's understanding that those things are not your responsibility and to get. The best results from your clients. You have to know what is your responsibility and what is not your responsibility. Because if you take responsibility for your client's results, their emotional states, anything else that's going on, that's their responsibility. If you take responsibility for it, you will rob them of the growth that they need from you. So it's really important that we get these boundaries clear, so then your clients will get better results. You'll feel that it's safe for you to receive and you will feel supported and like you're having a much better time in your business. And, so you step into growth rather than protect. Okay. You can't grow and stay safe at the same time. Yes, you can have structure that creates safety for you, but you can't be forever monitoring, am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe and grow at the same time, you need a structure that supports you so you know that you are safe to grow. This is the big difference. So receiving Then, when we consider this, receiving them becomes safe. When. We've got responsibility clearly defined in our relationships, in who we are connected to in our business with our clients, right? Receiving feel safe. When our expectations are really clear, they're explicit. They're not just implied. You can't expect people to respect boundaries that you are not willing to express. You have to be able to express them. Receiving feel safe when your time and energy are protected. You are very clear about when your calendar's open to work with people. how you expect people to show up when they show up into your sessions. This is all stuff that you need to educate people on. it's same in business as it is in our personal relationships. If you've got people in your personal life who just come in and dump all their emotional stuff and be negative and dah, dah, they're never gonna stop that unless you give a boundary around that, right? It's really important. So you are creating these boundaries that makes a container that it's safe for you to be in, to receive, because you are choosing what you receive. You're not just open for the sake of being open and letting any old riffraff come in. You are being open and selective. You're being open and selective and really discerning about what is welcome to come into your space. And when you do that, then you're creating this energetic blueprint that's going to be welcoming to the right people because the right people want a container that is going to suit them. The right people don't want to come into a container where there's no boundaries, that there's any old kind of people in there, that there's some kind of chaos going on. They're not interested in that. So creating that safe container with the right boundaries, with the right expectations, the right the right responsibility, roles being given and made that really clear. The right people wanna come into that space, and that's where receiving feels like support. Receiving feels like ease. Receiving feels like a really beautiful natural flow of energy, and that is. So important. And at that point we realized we don't need these big walls up to protect ourselves. They're a place with boundaries. And boundaries don't block flow boundaries, filter flow. And this is the shift that allows that business growth without you feeling burnt out. And this is so in service of your clients as well, because if your clients feel like they can just come in at any time, anywhere and just ask for whatever they want and you get it, there's no challenge. It doesn't feel like there is a prize that they're getting from being in there. They won't value it as much. Okay. And this is so important at any stage of business, but especially when you are moving into that wanting to get to your first six figures. It becomes different issues at different levels, at whatever level you wanna go to. But if you are at that stage where you are still trying to hit that six figures, this is a really important thing for you to be able to welcome in more clients, more money, more attention, to be more in the spotlight, because you're not going to get to the income you want if you are hiding. You have to be in front of people. More people need to know about you, for you to get more clients. Of course, that's how it works. So to have that more clients, more money, more attention, more demand, be in more demand, then you need to be in a place where you've got these good boundaries and structure so that it feels safe. Because if receiving still feels like an invasion of your space, or your energy, or your time, or that you're gonna be depleted, or that you're not gonna lose control, then your system will cap that growth. not because you are just afraid of success, but because you're protecting yourself from, the cost that you don't want to pay again, that your nervous system knows is, has experienced before and doesn't wanna repeat. the solution then means it's never to be pushing harder. It's to build a business that makes feeling, receiving, feeling safe for you. Okay? And it's, it will show up in all areas of your life, in your personal relationships as well as in your business relationships. I hope this has really landed for you today. And think about this, in depth and just notice it. If there's any area of your business where receiving, whether that be support, attention, money, clients. If it feels like there's any tension in your body or if it feels it doesn't feel safe, or if you feel like choked up when you go to give an offer or get on a sales call or to, do some social media that's gonna bring attention to you. Then this is what you really wanna consider. What is your nervous system protecting you from? And of course, if this has been helpful, and if you think, yes, there's something that is in here for me, reach out. This is the work that I do with people. Reach out. Do not keep yourself hidden away as the world's best hidden secret because the world needs you. I know if you're listening to this and you've got to this point, you're a heart led entrepreneur and you are here to help people. The world needs you. Okay. reach out, have a chat, and, definitely this is the work that I do with people. If you know someone who also needs to hear this message, please share it with them. And, comment, do those things because. when I hear from people that I was listening to, your podcast and I got, what you said really resonated with me and really made a difference. it's so motivating for me to keep creating this content for you because I am super passionate about supporting people in this space and, and if this has helped you, let me know. I really appreciate it. And so that is it for today's episode, but I'm really excited because I'm doing a river series. So the next episode, that'll be out is going to be around selling. And what often people say is either people say they don't like selling or they love selling, but they don't like being sold to. And, if one of those is you're gonna wanna tune into the next episode. Have a fabulous day if you're in Adelaide, south Australia. Stay cool. We are in a heat wave. That's Adelaide. enjoy. I'll speak to you next episode. If you love this episode, you can help me get the message out to more people. Simply leave a review and share this episode with someone who'd love to hear it. Thanks for tuning into the Coaching Circle. I'll catch you in the next episode.