Ep 158 What's your relationship with money?
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[00:00:00] Let's talk about money. Oh, money is a hot topic, and it is a very emotionally charged topic for a lot of people. Now, I've got a very, very long relationship with money that goes all the way back to childhood, and so it's no surprise that I've spent a lot of, uh, a lot of my life involved in banking and finance and money and business and, uh, really helping people with their money mindset.
And you know, I think often people, people know that there is some kind of emotional charge around money, but I don't think many people really explore their relationship with money at a very deep level. Now, I wanna just go back a bit and just give you a bit of background around my own relationship with money, because I can remember way back when I was at school, when people would say, you know, "What do you wanna do when you grow up?"
The one thing I can remember saying is, [00:01:00] "I wanna work in a bank." Now, the context of this, I can't remember my exact rationale about that, but it seemed like a cool place to be. And I grew up through the '80s, so I was born in the '70s, grew up through the '80s, and, uh, my dad ha- had a business- And he used to voice much of his displeasure about money and banks and especially the Keating government.
Now, given the context that interest rates did go up in Australia to around the, the 18, 20%, whatever, at that time, it was pretty tough on people who, uh, especially people in business. And being a young girl in that time, I was very impressionable to the environment I was in and the conversations that had around money.
And not only did I hear a lot of this negative stuff around money and the banks and the government, but also there was a lot of secrecy around money in my household. So [00:02:00] we were not allowed to talk about money, and, uh, I had no idea how much money we had. I had to go out and work from a very young age. I was out at, like, uh, going around to old people's house and doing gardening and housework and stuff for them, and I didn't really love it, right?
And I had to do this, and not only did I have to go out and work for money at that young age, but I didn't really have control over that money once I earned it either. But that's a whole story for another day. But I always saw there was a lot of... Money seemed a, like a big mystery to me for a long time.
So, you know, I could see, um, that my dad and his wife were making money, and they were buying things that they wanted, but then there was a different story for me, and what I was allowed to have access to, money, and what I had to do for money. And, and so anyway, I remember this whole thing around money was it was always quite a hot topic.
And so I decided I want to work in a bank, and I ended up [00:03:00] working in banking for about 10 years altogether, through my 20s and 30s, and, uh, and so I was always around money. And then from there, I really stepped into, uh, accounting and finance, so I, I learnt more about money and business, and I even ended up doing some money coaching.
And what was really interesting through all of those experiences, from my really young experiences right through to, you know, when I was money coaching, I saw all different examples of people who had money, people who didn't have money, people who were stressed about money, you know, people who loved money, people who hated money, and everything in between.
So it's always been really fascinating to me. And definitely there's been a lot of work that I've had to do for myself around money and being able to have what I want, and that definitely ramped up when I was in business. And this is something that is super relevant to you if you're in business as well because the thing is- [00:04:00] Money, making money and being profitable is the highest intention of business, right?
Like, if you don't wanna be making money and being profitable, then there's all kinds of ways that you could do what it is that you do. You could have a hobby, you could have a charity, you could have a not-for-profit, right? You could, you know, have a job. And essentially in a job you still wanna be making money.
But money is a big part of all of our lives and we live in a reality where money is the currency that you're able to then create the environment that you want to live in. Now, I've heard so many different stories from people and especially over the last 10 years that I've been coaching people and especially, you know, people in business because money is very linked to sales and, um, and you know how your business operates as well.
And so I've heard all kinds of things from people saying that, "You know, money's just not important to me. I don't really care about money. Um, [00:05:00] you know, those people that are greedy and they just want more money. Um, I just only want enough money that I can, you know, pay myself. Um, I don't wanna be materialistic.
I don't wanna be making millions." Um, and to other people that are like, "Yeah, I wanna make a lot of money. I wanna make as much money as I can. I've got big goals. I've got goals. I wanna make a million dollars, $100 million, a billion dollars," right? There's all different relationships that people have with money.
And the interesting thing in that is the word relationship because whether you've been aware of this before or not, you have a relationship with money. You have a relationship with money. And if you didn't, you wouldn't be creating all of these labels and feelings in relationship to money, right? So this is the thing that I want you to really think about today is what is your relationship with money and what [00:06:00] does money represent to you?
Because how you think about money, what you think money does, how you think money influences people, uh, how you think it might change people, how you might think it affects your life or your relationships or how people perceive you is all very, very important and it will have an influence over how much money you feel safe making, keeping, spending, um, you know, creating more of.
And so it's really interesting as well when we think about this relationship with money, sometimes people have a relationship where they get a lot of money and then they lose money, and then they make a lot of money again, and then they lose it a lot. Um, other people just manage to keep themselves in this sort of very steady, um, like I call it a thermostat, right?
A very steady range of where-- how much money that they can make. And this is what I call a [00:07:00] financial thermostat. So a financial thermostat is the range of money that you have access to that feels the most familiar to you, and it is the range that where you feel like, okay, whatever money is doing for me in this space, where I feel good about it or bad about it or whatever, stressed about it, it doesn't really matter, but it feels familiar, and it matches the story that you have around money.
And so When we think about a relationship then, if we've got a relationship with money and we've got a financial thermostat, then that means there are some specific kinds of characteristics and beliefs and values and, uh, ways that you interact with money that, that stay fairly consistent. And to get outside of that, you have to do something different that's gonna feel unfamiliar.
Now, the way that you can [00:08:00] recognize where your thermostat is, is that, especially if you own business, to have a think to yourself, right, what is the amount of money that your bank account will drop down to before you think, "Oh my God, I have to do something to make money," right? What is that thermostat?
Because if you, um, uh, have a range where like, "Oh my God, if my, if I can't pay my bills," and then that causes me enough stress to get into action, then your thermostat is in that range where it's down to very low, where you're gonna be, uh, in trouble. And then how much money is it that you can make or have before you stop thinking about money?
And that will be your upper limit. And somewhere you'll stay between these two in, within that range, right? So there'll be a limit where you feel like, "Ah, I have to go and make money 'cause it's freaking me out that it's too low." And then there'll [00:09:00] be a limit where you're like, "Oh, I don't have to worry about money anymore because I've got enough for what I want."
And so that thermostat will continue operating at an unconscious level until you decide to do something different and to sort out what it is in that relationship that is keeping you at that level. And so the things we have to think about then is why do we have that level? Why do we have a thermostat?
So wherever your money level is, most people want to have more money, okay? If you didn't wanna have more money, you probably wouldn't be listening to this podcast because it wouldn't really interest you, right? But most people that I talk to wanna be able to make more money because let's face it, having more money gives you more options.
It gives you more flexibility around how you live your life, what, how you spend your time, what it is that you can buy, what it is that you can have, whether [00:10:00] that's the house you live in, the car you drive, the holidays that you go on, the type of food you eat, the clothes that you wear, the activities that you do.
Everything in your life that relates to money- Right? Is influenced by you having the money for that or not having the money for that. And if you're wanting something outside of that, then we've gotta shift outside of that and really look at it. But here's some of the things that really can be happening underneath this relationship that you have with money, because keeping yourself at a particular level of, uh, financial security can also serve as a boundary.
So have you ever found yourself saying things like, "Oh, I can't afford that," or, "I can't take that risk," or, um, you know, "I can't leave yet, I [00:11:00] can't go on holidays," um, well, or, "I need to keep doing this because I need the money. I, I'm busy doing this because I need the money"? That's how money can form a boundary for us, and this is why it's so important as we think about money as the relationship we have with money, but it's also then the relationship we have with power.
Because if you've got more money, and then that gives you more options of what it is that you can do, and you have more abundance or more than what you need, then sometimes that feels like it feels risky for people because that means that you're gonna have to start enforcing boundaries other than, "I can't afford it," or, "I don't have money for that."
And that can feel really risky or unsafe for people. So sometimes people think that, "Oh, yeah, I wanna have more money," but underneath, there's this fear that if I have more money, other people are [00:12:00] gonna think that I'm gr- greedy, or if I have more money, other people are gonna think that I'm selfish, or if I have more money, other people are gonna expect that I'm gonna spend it in this particular way, or I'm gonna help them out.
Or it might even mean that it's linked to how much time you spend. So people might... You might think, "Oh, if I've got more money, people are gonna think that I don't have to commit so much of my time to work because I've got more money, so that must mean I must be more available to them and their needs."
And so money then creates a boundary. It creates this easy way to say, "No, I can't do that," or, "I can't afford that," or, "I can't choose that." Okay? And it's something that if you're in sales, it's one of the m- one of the most common objections that comes up for people. And if you're in business, you are in sales, by the way.
Um, but it's one of the most common objections that comes up, is people say, "Oh, I can't afford that," or, "I don't have money for that." So it's a boundary, and more often than not, [00:13:00] it's not really that they don't have the money for it or can't afford it, but it's something that they can say when they're not certain of something, and it acts as a barrier.
It acts as a boundary to not moving out of their comfort zone And so really what we're gonna think about is when you have more money, it gives you more power, but you have to feel like you're able to, uh, handle that level of power and to be able to create boundaries and to be able to deal with that and manage it and express yourself in that way.
And for a lot of people, that comes up with a lot of fear around being judged or criticized or seen as greedy. For other people, there's a sense of, "Oh, if people think that I have money, then I'm gonna be admired, or I'm gonna be seen as, um, more important or more valuable or more influential." And even that can be loaded because yeah, some people go out and they make more money, but [00:14:00] then it, um, you know, takes up a lot of their time, or people get busy trying to make it look like they've got more money so that they can have this sense of, "This is how people can perceive me."
And so this is why we-- it's really interesting to dive into your relationship with money and to be able to neutralize it in a way that feels like, "Yes, I can choose what it is that I wanna have. I can charge what it is that I want to charge. I can be as abundant as I want to be abundant, and I can have boundaries around my time and energy regardless of the amount of money that I'm making."
So there's a really cool exercise that you can do with your relationship with money, and that is to start thinking about money as a person or as some kind of a being, representation that [00:15:00] you have a relationship with. And even as we're talking now, if you can just bring that to mind, like if money was represented as a person or a, um, you know, animated type character, what would your representation of money be?
How would that seem to you? And if money was standing in front of you right now, and it was looking at you, and you were looking at it, what would it feel like that relationship is? Does it feel like you're great friends, and that you're really close, and that you're connected, and that you have got a, you know, mutual respect for each other and liking for each other, and, you know, really welcoming to be connected with money?
Or does it feel somehow a little bit distant, or that somehow it's not as close to you as you would like? [00:16:00] And so I want you to think about this now. Bring to mind that representation that you have of money. And by the way, this is gonna be a little exercise, so if you are driving, perhaps don't do this while you're driving.
It's best done when you're not driving and that you can, um, you know, really sit and imagine this for yourself. So I want you to imagine that you're looking at money. This is... And this exercise, by the way, it does come from NLP. It's called perceptual positions, and it's where we're gonna set up, uh, an environment where you can imagine that there's you, and then there's money sitting, looking across from each other.
And then there's a third person who is a, a neutral but respected person that is watching you two. Okay? And so the first step is, is to [00:17:00] be you sit there, and you're looking at money. And as you look at money, look how money is represented to you. Look at how you see money, how you feel about money. Even when you look at money, what do you think money thinks about you?
How do you feel your connection is? How do you feel your relationship is? What do you think is going on there between you and money? And really get a sense of what are those thoughts, what are those feelings, and is it a type of relationship that you would feel like, yeah, this is a really great relationship, and money is, like, an important part of my life, or anything else that it is.
And really get a sense of that, and really look at money and get a sense of that. How is money represented? How does it feel? What do you think it's doing or not doing for you or to you? What do you think it perceives you as? What do you think it thinks about you? And how much access do [00:18:00] you feel like you have with that relationship with money?
And then once you have that, and you've got a real sense of what that is like, then the next step is for you to step out of your body and out of your position and go and stand in the shoes of money. So you become money. So you step into the shoes of money and become that representation that you have of money, and imagine that as money, you're looking back at yourself now.
So as money, you're, you're money, and you're there going, "Okay, I'm money," and thinking about what it's like to be money as a person, as a, you know, being, and you're looking back at yourself. And then notice what do you feel like as money? What do you feel like that that version of you over there looking back at you, what...
How do you perceive them? How are they showing up to you? How... What is the feeling that you're [00:19:00] getting from them? What does that relationship feel like for you as money, money having a relationship with you? What does that feel like being money and perceiving that relationship that you as money are having with you that's sitting over the other side?
Really notice what as money that you can see yourself as. What does it feel like? What are your thoughts? What are the feelings? How does it feel to know as money what that other version of you thinks and feels about it? What is that like? And as money, what is it that you really want to feel about that other version of you?
Really get a sense of that. And, and once you've got all of your thoughts and feelings and perceptions as being money looking back at yourself, then what I want you to do is notice the differences, and [00:20:00] next you're gonna step into that third, third person place, okay? So the neutral observer place, and you can imagine as someone that you know who's wise or neutral or that whose, you know, opinion you would value.
And I want you to step into their shoes. And as you step into their shoes, you can now look across and see that version of you and money looking at each other. And as that third neutral person, what do you notice about the relationship between you and money, right? Looking on, so you can see yourself sitting there, you can see money sitting there.
You can see how you both feel and act towards each other, the relationship that you have. And as that third person, what do you notice about that? And what do you notice is different? And what do you notice that perhaps you hadn't noticed before Now, you [00:21:00] can do this for a bit longer. You can take your time to do this at another time But it's really important thing to notice that and get that full different perspective of money and your relationship with money.
And essentially, when you do that, you'll start to see something shift. You'll start to see something that you didn't see before. Now, maybe it brings up some memories for you. Maybe it makes you feel different about money. Maybe it makes you feel more neutral about money. Maybe you're really aware that there's something there that you need to shift.
And if you do, then of course reach out to someone that can help you do that. This is stuff that I work with my clients all the time. The amount of work that I do with people around how they feel about money and people paying them, and all those kinds of things, it's very relevant to how people become successful in business.
And so that's the thing that you wanna look at. [00:22:00] And once you can get clear about what's really going on with your relationship with money and what it is that now you have a different perspective on and that you wanna change, maybe it's changed something for you straight away. That can happen as well.
Or like I said, maybe you found something a bit deeper, and this is the type of work that the Turning Point works really well on. So the Turning Point process is, uh, I've just, uh, about to teach that this weekend as a matter of fact, and, uh, it's a powerful process because so much of this conditioning goes back to childhood.
And I know it's definitely something that I have had to do so much work on for myself, and to really change my own relationship with money and what it is that I'm allowed to have, and what it is I'm allowed to make. And this is the difference that really shifted me from charging people, uh, you know, in the hundreds of dollars to work with me to in the thousands of dollars to work [00:23:00] with me.
And the thing is, what's really interesting is that when you change your relationship with money, and you have a healthier respect for money and the value that it represents, the people that you charge get better results. So the clients that I work with now that pay me thousands of dollars get way better results than the clients that I used to work with that I would charge hundreds of dollars.
And it's-- That's why we wanna change our relationship with money and our relationship with value, and our relationship with being able to create what it is that you want. It's a very, very powerful, uh, process, and this work goes deep. And so today, I hope this has given you a different aspect to think about money, and know that the universe is not on a budget.
There is so much money that is available in the world, and there are people out there who [00:24:00] wanna spend their money. They love spending money. Everybody spends money every single day. And it's a, uh, it's a flow that goes through people and to people all day long. So your perception of money is the only thing that is holding you back from where you are now and where you want to be.
And if you're in business, it's definitely something you need to resolve. So if this has brought something up for you that you want to find out more about, then of course reach out to me as well. You can find my details in the show notes. And, uh, here's to living abundantly and having businesses that operate profitably
