Why we need to stop designing lives we constantly want to escape from

If December is the only time you finally breathe, this episode is for you.

I’m talking about the moment I realised the life I was designing — the one I thought looked “successful” — was actually exhausting me by the end of every year.

This one’s not about productivity hacks or how to squeeze more into your day. It’s about learning to pause on purpose. Daily. Not just during the holidays.

Let’s talk about why rest is not a reward. Why slowing down doesn't mean falling behind. And why we need to stop designing lives we constantly want to escape from.

→ Show notes, 🖤, and links mentioned are waiting for you here: https://kunshuis.com/2025/12/04/stop-designing-lives-we-constantly-want-to-escape-from/

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Transcript

The December moment that changed how I saw work

SPEAKER_00 0:27

And I remember so clearly it was December. We had that December vibe everywhere. I was still working at the agency at that time. Everyone in the office was just crawling to the finish line. And I remember sitting at my desk thinking, wait, is this how life should be? We work forty eight to fifty weeks a year in full speed, hustle mode, just to earn a few days off in December, where we feel like we can finally breathe, like really breathe. That moment was the first time I thought, this can't be it. That life rhythm just didn't make sense to me. And to be honest, it still doesn't. That was one of the reasons I started working for myself. I didn't want to design a career that I constantly needed a break from. I wanted to design a life where pausing wasn't a treat. It was part of the plan. We've built a culture around urgency. Reply now, post now, sign now, do more, be more, don't fall behind. And even as creatives, we've bought into it. We've confused being busy with being important. We've confused full calendars with full hearts. But let me ask you something real. When was the last time you felt actually truly connected to your creativity? If it's been a while, you're not broken. You're probably just too busy. Not just I made something, but that yes, this came from somewhere deep kind of creativity. Because creativity, it doesn't live in chaos, it lives in quiet. I recently followed The Power Pause by Near Rouge and read the book The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Margoma. And they both had something in me that I knew in my gut. Their words put it into something I felt in my bones as a working woman, as a mum, as someone trying to build a creative business and still have energy for my life in the end of the day. Here's the shared message I took from both. Slowing down isn't weakness, it's wisdom. We think the pause is where we stop, but it's actually where we come to life. Now I know this is where the fear kicks in. You're probably thinking, but if I slow down I'll fall behind. I want to ask you, behind who? The people running themselves into burnout, the ones who never see their kids, the ones who are successful but can't sleep at night. I don't want that version of success, do you? I've seen this in my own business. The more I've paused, the clearer I become. When I pause, I can hear myself. I say no to things that don't align and I stop working from panic. And the work that does come in, it feels better, more me. So no, you don't fall behind when you pause, you just stop following the wrong people. I'm not talking about backing up and going to Bali for three months. I mean the kind of pause that you can take in the middle of your daily messy life. For me it looks like making a coffee or sitting with it. Just actually sitting, not checking my phone first thing in the morning, having slow mornings before opening my laptop, saying can I get back to you tomorrow? Instead of replying in a panic now. It's small, it's not fancy, but it shifts everything. There's something beautiful about this time of the year, isn't there? You can feel the lightness in the air. Kids are out of school and people are wearing sandals again if you're in the southern part of the world. It's like we finally remember what life feels like. Well it's not driven by deadlines. But here's what I want to challenge you with. Why do we wait for December to feel like this? Why do we treat rest like a reward instead of a rhythm? What if your days felt like this in July or in March? What if we didn't save joy, place, slow mornings and space only for holidays? What if that was built into your daily life you're designing? Because the truth is you don't need to escape your life to rest, you just need to redesign it. Let me give you something practical. Just something that helped me to pause when the world wants me to rush. I don't open Instagram before nine. Well, I try this one. Every time I do, my brain thanks me. Number two, build a buffer. Don't schedule calls back to back or meetings back to back. Leave breathing space to sit and do what you want to do. Number three, finish your tea before starting the next thing or your coffee. It's simple but it's powerful. Number four, sit outside. Yes, I've even it's windy or too warm or too cold, nature resets us every single time. Number five, speak slower, breathe slower, move slower. Your whole nervous system follows your pace. And I just want to say, even though I know all of this, even though I teach it and I talk to you about it, I still sometimes feel like I'm failing when I pause, like I should be doing more, proving more, that quiet is somehow lazy. But then I really breathe and I remember we weren't made to live lives driven by rush culture. We weren't created for constant speed. We were made to bring peace, the peace of heaven, into the world around us daily, into our homes, into our emails, into our design processes. That peace, it starts with us and in us, in the pause. The reminder I want to leave you with today, friend. Pause is not a break in your journey. It is the journey. You're not behind, you're really not lazy, you just died from trying to meet the standard that was never made for you. So let's rewrite it. Let's design something better. Let's start small, something slower, something sustainable, something that feels like you. So thank you for being here. You're not alone in this. We'll talk again next week. Design your life purposefully wherever you are.