I'll Just Let Myself In
"I’ll Just Let Myself In" is an empowering new podcast dedicated to people who are ready to take a chance on themselves and forge their own path. Hosted by Lish Speaks, each episode explores personal stories, triumphs, and challenges of navigating industries from the “outside-in.” From entrepreneurship to career advancement, self-care to self-discovery, this podcast provides candid conversations, practical advice, and inspirational anecdotes to motivate listeners to embrace their identity, defy societal norms, and pursue their dreams unapologetically. Join us on this journey as we celebrate the strength and tenacity of our guest and hopefully ourselves! It's time to take a chance on yourself and Let Yourself In!
Video version available on the @lishspeaks Youtube channel
I'll Just Let Myself In
Overlooked to On-Stage and Booked - Into the Overflow w/ Enrique Holmes
What happens when God turns your greatest disappointment into your most powerful ministry moment? Worship leader Enrique Holmes reveals the raw journey that took him from classroom teacher to the Stellar Awards stage in ways he never expected.
After publicly sharing his disappointment about missing Stellar Award nominations despite consideration in multiple categories, Enrique found himself facing a crucial spiritual test. Rather than dwelling in that disappointment, he chose to resubmit his gifts to God - not knowing that divine redirection would lead him to minister alongside Tasha Cobbs Leonard on the very Stellar stage where he'd hoped to be recognized.
This conversation travels deep into territory rarely discussed in Christian circles: the vulnerability of feeling overlooked, the temptation to process disappointment publicly rather than spiritually, and the breakthrough that comes when we surrender our expectations. Enrique opens up about how his brotherhood circle "The Stones" carried him through dark moments, including a powerful reconciliation with Tim Bowman Jr. that provided exactly the encouragement he needed before his performance.
Beyond music ministry, Enrique shares how balancing his teaching career with worship leading keeps him grounded while impacting students who now attend church with him. His powerful testimony of breaking generational cycles by forgiving his absent father allows him to be the father he never had to both his son and his students. "I want people to remember me as someone who gave it all, even when he felt like he had nothing," he shares, revealing the heart behind his ministry.
Whether you're feeling overlooked in your calling, navigating disappointment, or wondering how to balance your dreams with daily reality, this conversation offers genuine wisdom for the journey. Enrique's testimony reminds us that sometimes what looks like rejection is actually God's protection, preparing us for something far greater than we imagined.
Send us a text with your thoughts, feedback, or questions for the host!
Just being vulnerable, which I felt like because of who I am, to other people, like within the church space. I didn't really know who to talk to about my disappointment, you know, and I almost felt bad for being disappointed because, like you're doing this for God you know doesn't make sense, and so I'm like you're doing this for God, but I'm like I know I'm doing this for God, but it would.
Speaker 1:It would be nice you know, because I know what I put into this record. I know all the lives it's changed and enlist the. The moment that I knew something had changed, um, that that I was, I don't know like my, my motives had tried to get challenged, was when the testimonies that people have given me of I was in chemo and I played this record I was getting ready to end my life and your song came, things like that. It like I started forgetting about that and just and I allowed the disappointment to overshadow the testimonies of the saints. And that's when I got just really had to go into a place with the Lord and just be like God.
Speaker 2:I resubmit this gift this calling back to you Don't bring no drama my way. Don't bring no drama my way. What's up? Everybody? It's your girl. Lish Speaks, and welcome back to another episode of my podcast. I'll Just Let Myself In. It's the podcast where we don't wait for an imaginary permission slip or an imaginary seat at some table. We walk through our God-given doors. This podcast is going to be exciting because y'all know I always try to bring y'all guests who really do embody the nature of the spirit of this podcast, guests who don't necessarily wait for someone else to give them an opportunity when they are sure that God has told them to do something. And my guest today fits the bill. Listen, this man is a prophetic preacher, a minister, a writer, a worshiper. He's a BMI Christian Award winner. He done been on a stellar stage, y'all. More importantly than all that, he is a husband, he is a father and a true champion of worshiping the Lord in spirit and truth. Y'all give it up for my brother, enrique Holmes. Welcome.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the couch. Thank you so much for having me, liz, absolutely, man, it's good to be here.
Speaker 2:Listen, I'm so excited to have you because I feel like you are in a season where God has proven to you that he has the last word, where God has proven to you that he has the last word.
Speaker 1:I am in a season where God has proven to me that he has the last word Absolutely.
Speaker 2:You know, I thought about the title of this and most of my all of my titles are into something you know, as a play on, I'll Just Let Myself In and for you, I thought about this. I don't know if it's going to stick, but I thought about into overlooked to onstage, booked From overlooked to onstage booked.
Speaker 2:Man recently. The run that you are on is so dope and so fun to watch. As someone who's just been seeing you from a distance for some time, I think it's been incredible to see your vulnerability. Wow, you said some things online. You took them down. Now I might cut it. I cut this if you want me to no. But you shared very vulnerably online about some disappointments. But God yeah yeah yeah, god. So let's get into it, right.
Speaker 1:Okay, God yeah yeah, yeah, god.
Speaker 2:So let's get into it right, okay, in this genre of gospel. Let me tell you, the people have been chatting about gospel lately.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of noise. There's a lot to say.
Speaker 2:Outfits.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Too much runs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, too much.
Speaker 2:It's a lot going on. But in this genre, it's big but small, mm-hmm lot going on, but in this, in this genre, um, it's big but small. So one of the things I always tell people is, when you don't get something, the chances that you know the person who got it are very high, absolutely even in the media space absolutely.
Speaker 2:If I don't get, you know, to go on the red carpet or to go, what? To some award, whatever, the chances that I know the people who are going to be there are very, very high. And you talked about, you know, being considered for stellar awards, yeah, and a little bit of the disappointment you felt when you didn't get those nominations, yeah. And I want to encourage you with something in a minute, but before I do that, I want you to talk about how it felt, from what seemed like being overlooked, going from that to being on stage booked.
Speaker 1:How did that feel, um, you know, it felt it felt crazy and and the thing is, I took those posts down, not because I felt like I said something wrong, um, because one, I'm not a hater, yeah, um so it was like as soon as, like everybody you know, the news came out, like I went under every last person that I knew or or could find that that was nominated and was like congratulations, um, because I did that to, first of all, um, protect my heart, um, but then also I had to let it be known because people started texting me, calling me like are you okay, whatever.
Speaker 1:So I was like just to let everybody know. At one time, hey y'all, I think the post said something like you know, I'm disappointed that I did not receive any nominations for the Stella Awards because I was considered in like six or seven categories and I was like you know, but we put out an amazing album you know, that was for my team and then I said congratulations to everyone who was nominated and my mentor DePose lived for a little while, yeah, and the comments went crazy.
Speaker 1:I was up in them comments, thousands of comments, literally thousands of comments of people just like sharing things that I felt, if I can be honest, that I did feel in my heart, and it was in that moment where I felt like they were saying things that I wish I could say. And so I'm going to let these come in, because normally I'll micromanage my comments and I'll hide certain things or whatever if it's messy or whatever.
Speaker 1:I'll micromanage my comments and I'll hide certain things or whatever, if it's messy or whatever. But with this, I noticed that I started allowing the enemy to use me by letting certain things that I wouldn't normally let live live, because I felt like it's justifying me or whatever, or validating me when God had already validated me. And so the comments actually started turning the post into something else and my mentor, tashkab's Leonard, hit me up and was like Enrique, yeah, you know what I mean. She didn't say take it down, she was just like you know, it's becoming something. And I was like but you know, I didn't say anything wrong, I congratulate you, I did this, I did that and Holy Spirit convicted me yeah, he'll do it he convicted me and I took the post down, I archived the post and I just went on about my way.
Speaker 1:But then, maybe three weeks before the Stella Awards, tasha texted me and said Enrique, I have an idea. And Tasha's been my mentor for over 14 years now. And she said I have an idea. And she didn't tell me what the idea was. She said but just make plans to be at the Stellars the day before and the day of Lish. I wasn't planning on going to the Stellar Awards because my feelings was hurt. Can I be honest? My feelings was hurt now, you know, and so I was like I'm not going. But then I was my friends Jonathan McReynolds, d-lo, who won producer of the year Major, performed that night. All my friends were like up for these awards and stuff Shout out to Major, my brother.
Speaker 2:I love Major. He was so kind to me.
Speaker 1:Major is a kind person. I love it. We were just talking in the chat today about how Major has a way of making everyone feel like they are the most important person standing in front of him at the moment, and so I was like I got to go support my brothers or whatever. And so I think, god, that was a test of the Lord testing my heart, because I did go ahead and make plans and then Tasha sent that message and I was like, well, I wasn't planning on going to the awards you know, and she never told me what was up.
Speaker 1:I went to her release concert and she didn't tell me anything then either Lish.
Speaker 2:So I'm saying like so when did she tell you?
Speaker 1:And then her husband, pastor Kenny. He was like, bro, you and Tasha about to tear it up at the Stellar Awards and I was like, well, what is it going to look like? She wants us to perform, right. And he was like, yeah, but not like background, like she wants you up front performing with her. And I was like what? She hasn't sent me anything. Maybe two weeks before the Stellars, like a week and a half, she sent me over the voice. I was like, hey, I want you to minister with me at the Stellars. I believe that the Lord wants this moment to happen. And so it was almost like. It was almost like what I, what I wanted the comments to do for me.
Speaker 2:One thing I know I can't sing, so I ain't gonna do it, but you know what you wrote it it was honestly a God.
Speaker 1:God did that moment. Yes, um cause. In 2019, I was sitting in the audience of the Stella Awards um I was considered for my first album and I just I just happened to be there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, just being a worship leader, um, even just being at the Stella Awards, it was just like, man, I'm just happy to be here and I feel that expectation, um, somehow another change, something in me. Yeah, you know, I don't like, not in an evil way, but you know, like people would tell you like, bro, you about to sweep you know, bro, you about to do this, because I'm like, well, maybe I am about to you know and so like dang I'm, I'm considered for seven awards.
Speaker 1:Surely I'm gonna get one, you know, and things like that. And so I think, like that expectation started um, just building up in me and, um, I felt let down. But I felt like I don't know, like I'm just being vulnerable, which I felt like because of who I am, to other people, like within the church space. I didn't really know who to talk to about my disappointment, you know, and I almost felt bad for being disappointed because, like you're doing this for God Doesn't make sense, yes, and so I'm like you're doing this for God, but I'm like.
Speaker 2:I know I'm doing this for God, but it would be nice you know, because I know what I put into this record.
Speaker 1:I know all the lives it's changed and and the moment that I knew something had changed, um, that that I was I don't know like, like my motives had tried to get challenged, was when the testimonies that people have given me of I was in chemo and I played this record I was getting ready to end my life and your song came, things like that. It like I started forgetting about that and just and I allow the disappointment to overshadow the testimonies of the saints, the disappointment to overshadow the testimonies of the saints, and that's when I just really had to go into a place with the Lord and just be like God. I resubmit this gift, this calling back to you, because I did allow my expectations to make it about me.
Speaker 2:Sounds like that might have been the whole reason. Let's wait. Let's wait on this one, because I bet you, when you win a Stella Award, it'll mean something different to you than it would have meant had you won it. When you get nominated, it'll mean something different. Your heart will be in a different place. And it's not that your heart was in a bad place. We're human right, but God will get our attention.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:He don't play with that.
Speaker 1:He'll reveal some things in you that you didn't know was there Absolutely, and it was almost like I was all right before the considerations I was all right before this was even, you know, whatever.
Speaker 1:Like when I did this album, I wasn't saying, oh, I'm going to write this song because this song is going to get me this Like I was just like no, like I was writing songs from a place of where God was taking me through. I, from a place of where God was taking me through, I'm just like this song going to bless somebody and it's been doing exactly what the purpose of it was. And I'm not saying, like you know, getting nominated and all this kind of thing is a bad thing. It's absolutely amazing. But, you know, sometimes God will reveal certain broken places, because I've struggled with rejection most of my life, just growing up, and God showed me an unhealed place in me that I needed to go out and deal with through this, and so it's like, you know, all things work together for the good, and so I really believe this is one of those all things kind of moments.
Speaker 2:I love it. Well, tear it up Y'all, did you, tasha? Jordan G Welch killed it. I think it's so fun to get to play with your peers and your mentors, to get to minister. And let me tell you something, speaking of that album that you put so much work in. You had everybody on their mama on that album.
Speaker 2:You and Tasha Cobbs Leonard Let me not say Tasha like I know her you and Tasha Cobbs Leonard, naomi Reign, william Murphy, kalante Gavin. You stand up next to some voices and let me tell you you ain't no slouch. Okay, you ain't no slouch. My brother, I've seen you minister on stage a couple times and I've seen you take it from one place to another. One thing you're really good at is I want to call it crowd control, but what it really is is ministry right. You're good at delivering what God has put on you and taking his people from one place of emotion and one place of revelation to a place of celebration, to a place of worship, to a place of, you know, dancing. How do you navigate when you're on stage? Where to start and where to go?
Speaker 1:My dad, Apostle Travis Jennings, taught me that for real. One thing he has taught me is no matter how big or small the audience is, we all need God. And so give it as if it's your last time. And he taught me how to go beyond the lyrics of a song to minister to people. Because I would sing a song when I like 17 years ago, when I first came to Harvest and I met my pastor, I would just sing the song exactly how the record had it, Like you ain't getting no more, no less. And he just told me he says, after the lyrics end, God's going to give you a song and that's going to be your ministry. And so he began to help train and develop me in those areas and like getting a revelation about what you're seeing, Like, what does this song mean to you? What do these lyrics mean to you? And and then he passed me off to Tasha and just seeing her like one thing I can always say Tasha, don't miss.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:She don't miss and it's because she know who she's doing it for and she know she's confident in the anointing that's on her life. And you mentioned BCI. I was nervous, you know, because I had never been in that space before. It's like my nerves eat me up before I I get up there, but it's like once I get on the stage it's just like something else.
Speaker 2:Say something to the mic. Once I say something into the mic, I'm ready. I'm just like it's just like that's all.
Speaker 1:that's all I need to do, and, um, but right before, the thing that broke nervousness off of me, um, before I walked on the stage at BCI was Jackie met me in the hallway and in passing she said Enrique, I need the presence of God, minister. That's all I needed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I needed Shout out to Jackie Orbrook we love you, jackie, we love.
Speaker 1:Jackie, that's all I needed, because you know, I was just so focused on hey, I'm going to stick to the time that they gave me and you know, we're going to do this three minutes and 40, whatever seconds. And Jackie said she was like, hey, hey, bro, I need the presence of God, this room needs the glory of God. Go for it, minister. And so it was like once that track ended, it was just like, hey, let's go, let's go on there and to see creatives of all walks of life.
Speaker 2:He was up at the front of that place, From all all areas, millions of followers, thousands of followers, hundreds, whatever.
Speaker 1:None of that mattered, because we were in the presence of God and we were all just able to just praise him. Pride, I love on them. It was, it was beautiful yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2:I think about you, know the fact that you've been in this game for over a decade. You know putting in work, creating projects, putting music out, and I feel like in everything we go through, a mentor of mine said this to me when I was young, in the faith. She said in everything you're going to go through, there's a lesson the enemy wants you to learn and there's a lesson that the father wants you to learn, and you got to pick which lesson you're going to learn. I think about this all the time.
Speaker 2:That's good, I think about it all the time.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:When you are thinking about all the years you've been in the game, all the things you've been doing, the people that you've stood next to, people, that you've worked, people that you've helped, people that you've worked people that you've helped, yeah, um, people that may have left you to go work for somebody bigger. I've seen you talk about that. Right, yeah, what do you think the lesson that the enemy wants you to learn from this is, versus the lesson that you decided to learn from the?
Speaker 1:father. The lesson that the enemy wanted me to do was to focus so much on who left that I forgot to consider and acknowledge those who stayed.
Speaker 2:That's a word for somebody.
Speaker 1:And the enemy wanted me to get into a place where I spent the rest of my life trying to prove the people who did not believe in me, who left me, who doubted me, wrong. Yeah, instead of spending the rest of my life proving God right by just being who he created me to be.
Speaker 1:I love it, and so I feel that the lesson that the Lord has been teaching me is that what he has for me is for me. Yeah, I don't have to chase after anybody, I don't have to knock any doors down, but every door that God has placed before me it opened. I was able to let myself in.
Speaker 1:I didn't have to, I didn't have to beg, I didn't have to brown nose, I didn't have to slide none on the table. It's like everything that God has had for me, it's literally been for me and it fit perfectly. Like God, like, let me know, like even at this, even at the Stellars, like I was so nervous leading up to it yeah, so nervous, even in rehearsal I was so nervous. And D-Lo, he, just my brother, d-lo, just he, oh, he was playing for the Stellars that night and he won, oh, he won producer of the year at at the Stellars and the song that he produced with Pastor Mike won every award that it was out there for Pastor Mike won like 99 awards, pastor.
Speaker 2:Mike did not share. He got 99 pounds, but an award ain't won.
Speaker 1:How about that? And um, man D-Lo told me after our soundcheck we have rehearsals and stuff our soundcheck and I text him. I said I soundcheck and I test. But I say, hey, how was it? He was like it was straight, but you got more. Get out your head Like my brother's hard on me Like he was like nah, there's more.
Speaker 1:There's more, there's more. And so when I went, when I was getting ready to go on the stage to minister, I wasn't nervous. I wasn't nervous, yeah, because the nervousness most times comes from the fact that you don't feel like you belong where it is that God has placed you. And so I'm sitting here wondering and tripping out on. Am I really here?
Speaker 1:Like seeing Donna McClurkin walk past me, seeing Shirley Caesar walk past me, seeing all these people walk past, and I'm just like, and it's just started that what's it called Imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome. And and D-Lo was like you belong here, yeah, you belong here. And before we went up, tasha came and hugged me. She said Rike, you ready? And I was like I'm ready.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:Lisa knows Smith.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, we were passing each other backstage several times. Every time we passed each other, we was like we're really here, we're really here and to see what the lord has done, like like lish, I ain't gonna lie to you I I felt like I told my wife, I felt like I belonged there from the red carpet to the way that you guys received me on the red carpet and and and invited me in. Somebody asked me yesterday, like how was it? Like how was your experience backstage? I said everybody was nice to me, it was. Everybody was nice to me, it was beautiful.
Speaker 1:Everybody was nice to me. That's why I don't even see like how any drama or anything can kind of stand from Stellar's, because it was just. It was honestly, at least my experience was just so beautiful from the staff how they treated me to the red carpet. Y'all were just I don't know, it was just amazing, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a great time and I think you know, even for me there were things that day that were trying to get to me right.
Speaker 2:Like we were. We were supposed to be on the red carpet. Then they took us off the red carpet, put us up in a room. Then I kind of got to go back down, but it was. You know, I was getting in my head and then I had to realize, oh, the devil wants you to learn a lesson here. He wants you to learn people don't keep their word, people are shady, people play favorites. And I said but the father wants you to learn that you can persevere and that you can still show up and that you can still be an encouragement. And one of the things that was so cool for me was when we were in that press room upstairs and I was getting to ask some of my questions you and I was getting to ask some of my questions.
Speaker 2:You know, the cool thing about that is that everybody in the room gets to hear it. The whack thing about it is everybody in the room gets to record it. So many outlets have used the answers to my questions without me asking the question, Right, and I'm fine with that. It feels a little bit corny, like at first when you in your flesh, but then I realized, oh man, I asked questions that resonated Wow. First when you're in your flesh, yeah, but then I realized, oh man, I asked questions that resonated wow, and the answers that the people gave to my questions were things that these outlets you know, because it's like, not an individual person it's like outlets.
Speaker 2:You know, these are the things they think that their followers want to hear and so I was able to be of service in that room and it's. It's one of those things where when you think you're supposed to be at a certain place for a certain thing, like you thought you were supposed to be at Stella's as a nominee you know what I mean Not even as a winner.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Not even as a performer.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But God said no, no, no, You're going to be here as a minister.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right and I think it just always checks me. Holy Spirit would just be checking me because it's like you don't know, you don't know the plan that I have for you, the plans that God has for you to prosper you, not to harm you, give you hope in the future. So I think about that. And it was so cool because I'm sure you've read this. But one of the things that I saw on threads after the Stella Awards, which I feel like everybody was on threads and child, we was in community, right right.
Speaker 2:But one of the things that I thought was so fitting and encouraging was a thread by Jonathan McReynolds that said, between Lisa Knowles, jordan G Welsh, tasha Travis' coming music, daryl PJ's new EP, enrique Jason Nelson and my coming live album, I Don't Wanna Hear no in all caps, complaints about the quality of gospel music for at least a year. This stuff is amazing. If you mad, you are not paying attention. Wow, and he mentioned your name First of all. Shout out to Jonathan McReynolds, that's a big dog, heavy in the game as well.
Speaker 2:And for him to mention your name amongst your friends, your peers, your mentors. You know, I just know it has to be some validation. Oh yeah, Even though God waited until you no longer needed the validation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the crazy thing is Jonathan is one of my best friends. We have a group, we call ourselves the Stones, and the crazy thing is Jonathan is one of my best friends. I love it. We have a group, we call ourselves the Stones. It's several of us in there and we've been holding each other up and people wouldn't even know it. But every single week, every single week, we pray together. I love that. Every single week we pray together, we get on a call, but every single day, like like all day, my phone is going out because we're doing life together. And when I, when I had that disappointment and I told y'all I didn't know who I could talk to these were the people in the group they asking me, calling me separately together. Hey, bro, how you doing? I just told him. I said y'all just give me today, yeah, because I'm in my feelings. Yeah, but, but we're going to be good.
Speaker 2:But they carried you through.
Speaker 1:And they carried me all the way through, love it All the way through. Yeah, like sound advice, affirmation, all the different things that you would expect from a brotherhood. And even backstage, when I was getting ready to go on, I went into Major's dressing room and cause he's one of the stars, and we just sat back there and talked and was like, bro, can you believe, like God connected us, like last year, end of last year, and we've been able to build this brotherhood, like we've seen each other in every possible emotion you can think of. I seen Johnny, major, jabari, dolly, d-lo, E-Mail D all these people, dion Kibben, like all these people that got, like we've got us, joined us, like together in this covenant and we've been able to walk each other through some dark places, been able to celebrate each other through some dark places, been able to celebrate each other in some high places, like when I first got to Nashville, ain't had nothing to do on that Thursday we went to the studio. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I bet y'all did and we celebrated Jonathan listened through his music, dance, all the different things and just as brothers, we had nothing else to do but just come together and it was the happiest night of our lives. You know what I mean. And so that was affirming. And even when my album released, Donald Lawrence posted my album Yep, and twice yeah, and did voiceovers.
Speaker 2:And he responded to that oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Talking about his experience, yeah, yeah, being nominated 11 times and not winning once and having to sit through everybody else Hear me and I think that that's what made me cancel the pity party, because one thing I found out about pity parties is they're very expensive and nobody's coming. A pity party is very expensive and nobody's coming. And if they come, they won't stay.
Speaker 2:If they come, they won't stay.
Speaker 1:If they come, they won't stay. They ain't bringing no gift.
Speaker 2:They ain't fixing it.
Speaker 1:They coming to see and the thing is, and one thing that it did was Donna Lawrence and Erica Campbell, who have been very supportive of me. They both told their testimonies. Albums that I have listened to that have blessed me, and I was just like. These people have been in this for way longer than me. They're way more known than me Number one album.
Speaker 2:Erica said she had a number one album and they went through all of this.
Speaker 1:I play Erica's album out.
Speaker 2:Hear me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love Erica and I was just like, if they went through this, who am I to just sit here Now? I still feel disappointed, and I have a right to feel that way. I can feel disappointment, but I don't have to be disappointed. I don't have to become these feelings and sit over here and be soft. I ain't never doing music again.
Speaker 1:Now I'm over here just being extra, like I'm not doing music. No more, cancel it, you know, and it's just like you know. But God gave me that moment. He gave me a moment to be able to say you know what I'm in my feelings, but God is not intimidated by these feelings. And instead of taking it to Facebook, instagram and threads, you know what I'm going to just take this to the Lord.
Speaker 2:And this is a lesson in many things. Right, we're talking about the sellers, but in general, we have feelings about many things, many areas of our life, where we feel like, oh, this is not what I thought it would be, this is not how I thought it would be by now. I thought things would be this way or this is what I want, or I'm disappointed in this person, or my mom or my daddy ain't there, whatever, and sometimes we take it to social media or even to another person in gossip, before we take it to the Lord in prayer and take it to wise counsel, and I think it is really. You know, social media is certainly a gift, but if there's a curse in it, it's that Sometimes we don't process our emotions spiritually, even as believers, we process them socially. And so then now God has to deal with not just getting your heart right, but now he got to deal with you, seeing the opinions of everybody around you while he tries to help you get your heart right.
Speaker 2:So I think it's pretty dope that you have this group of of brothers. I want to go back to that for a second. You know how important is it for the men of god to have brotherhood, community accountability. You know a place, a safe place, with men who are, yes, going to love them and and be there for them and hold them up, but also correct them and not allow them to do silliness.
Speaker 1:You know how important is that? No, it's very important. And you know me growing up without my father, I didn't know that level, that level of accountability. So that place, when it came to men, I guess it was just a broken place for me. But you know, I have best friends who in certain areas, like this group, the stones these are friends who know the industry, are in the industry, but they're not industry friends, meaning we ain't linking together, because I need you to do, put me on with this. We rarely even talk about music. We be talking about life.
Speaker 1:And then I have a best friend, phil, who owns a barbershop. He was one of my first examples of a brother being married and loving his wife, and we went to high school together. You know I have one of my best friends, emmanuel. You know he's, you know it's just like I have friends in all these different areas. Matter of fact, I have a brother, Tim Bowman Jr. When I was sitting in the back, they pulled me from the audience because I was supposed to minister at a certain time, but we kind of got a little behind. So I was in the back for like two hours.
Speaker 1:We got a lot behind, a lot behind, and I was in the back for like two and a half hours and Tim called me and was like Enrique, do not do what I did. You belong in this moment. You belong in this place. Don't do what I did. Live in the moment, don't be thinking about what's next. Don't get up there and try to perform Minister, do what you do every single Sunday. And it broke this false burden and expectation off of me. So I feel like men need friends who get it. Men need friends that can speak into your, speak to your past, your present and your future. Friends that are in the same industry, or friends that might not be in the same industry as you, and things like that. I just feel like God will give you brothers that will be able to, you know, speak to a place in you that you just need in the moment. And the crazy thing is like this is crazy, and I'm going to tell you this, tim and I had not spoken in over like a year. Wow and a half.
Speaker 2:Okay, y'all had some beef. What happened?
Speaker 1:So, and the thing is, it wasn't even like a beef per se, it was like a misunderstanding Yep that's how beef is. And the last person that I expected, I'm getting emotional.
Speaker 2:It's okay.
Speaker 1:Crap. The last person that I expected was the person that I needed and I don't know Like it was. Like the last person that I expected to receive that call from in that moment was the voice that I needed to hear in that moment, and Tim don't even know that Like I need, I don't know Like I was. I was when he called me. I was in the back by myself, just my wife was in the audience and my son was in the audience and I was just pacing the floor just like overthinking. I had got back to that overthinking place. I'm like, oh God, this is taking long and I just met Dover, thinking he called me and I stopped walking and he was just like brother, not trying to talk about whatever happened, none of this stuff. He spoke directly to what I needed to hear.
Speaker 2:And it broke off of me in that moment. For real, let's talk about forgiveness, because sometimes things happen. You talked about not going on with your dad. Now you are a dad you talked about not going on with your dad.
Speaker 1:Now you are a dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you talked about, you know, not having a huge issue, but issues, issues arise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:I tell people all the time in the industry, just because we Christians, we still at work you don't like all your coworkers. Hello somebody, you know what I mean. There's going to be times where things happen and you're like that was shady, you know what I mean or that was weird. But because we are Christians, we are called to forgive, we're called to love and I think even in that moment I don't know the depths that happened, I don't need to, but it seems like there was a level of forgiveness moving forward, allowance right, Because even for him to feel comfortable to call you that, you had to have had a posture of brother.
Speaker 1:I love you.
Speaker 2:We good you that you had to have had a posture of brother I'm. I love you. We good. You know, in this industry where again it's it's small and you got to work with people who may have done stuff to you or did weird stuff, how do you navigate, forgiving and moving forward?
Speaker 1:you know um, it's, it's. It's hard to practice what you preach, ain't it? Because it's easy to tell somebody forgive, forgive, forgive, let it go, move forward, put the past behind you. It's easy to tell somebody else to do that until you're in that moment where you have to forgive, forgive, forgive, move forward, put the past behind you.
Speaker 1:I feel that it's very important for us to forgive, because if I did not forgive my father, I would have been trying to raise my son in the shadow of everything my father did not do for me, and so I would have been still trying to prove something to him. You know what I mean? Because I would have been raising my son through the lens of my own rejection, which is not healthy, because my son is not my rejection, you know, he gets a clean slate. So I had to forgive my father and get to a point where, of course, I wish things were different. I feel like there are certain things that I had to go through and deal with internally, externally, that I don't feel like I would have had to had I had my father in my life, and those are the things that the enemy plays on, those hypothetical things Like if you were in my life, you know, but I always my wife actually checked me with this. She said but if he had been in your life, your life wouldn't be going what it is going right now.
Speaker 1:You know you wouldn't have needed those certain people, that you connected with, those father figures that helped to ground you and steer you into the things of God. It just lets me know that God's plan is perfect and it does not feel perfect because it hurts sometimes, but all things work together for the good. And if it's going to be all things, it can't be all good things, because it would just say good things, that's not all things good things, because it would just say good things, that's not all things, all things, the good, the bad and the ugly. Somehow or another in God's infinite wisdom, he found a way to make it all work together for our good. So my disappointment led to one of the greatest highlights of my music career and I did not understand. I know God showed me me at the Stellars and I automatically assumed that it meant through the way of a nomination or a win.
Speaker 1:But my win was that I stood on a stage that people who have received nominations and wins have not even stood on, you know, to minister on, and it was just such a God thing I can't take no credit for it. Like God put me there for a reason and I just kept telling my wife. Like my wife came to the back shaking, she was like, babe, you don't understand how good that was. I was like, okay, well, I can't wait to see it. And so, yeah, it's forgiveness. Forgiveness is a big deal, because the last thing you want to do is try to carry somebody else over the finish line, and that's what we're doing. We're carrying dead weight, yeah, and in this race, and we're like, why is it taking me so long to get there? Yep, well, because you're carrying baggage that you could have dropped off yep three years ago, two years ago.
Speaker 1:You know, and what I tell people, too, about unforgiveness.
Speaker 2:It really is, you know, you drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die.
Speaker 1:You've heard that before.
Speaker 2:right, yeah, yeah, yeah it really is Like when you live in unforgiveness. It leads, it gives way to so many other things Bitterness, you know, rage, anger, all things. You know, anger, all things, you know. It just compounds and what happens is you turn around one day and you don't even recognize yourself because the unforgiveness has taken over, and so it's so important, you know, to to really deal with those things when they happen, especially in the body of christ, because the enemy has a plan yeah, right he don't care if you out there in the world arguing.
Speaker 2:He want the church divided. You know, know, tussling.
Speaker 1:Every week about something new.
Speaker 2:He is defeated, but y'all acting like he ain't in that area sometimes. A fight every single week, it's a lot, man, it's a lot. Listen you minister weekly at church.
Speaker 1:Most weeks, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, how do you do that when you are a mere human right? Every Saturday night ain't a good Saturday night. Every Sunday morning ain't a good Sunday morning. You know you don't walk into church every I know this to be true for my own. You know time in ministry. You don't walk into church every Sunday morning feeling ready to minister or even like you have something to give. You don't walk in always in unforgiveness or always in peace. You know don't walk in always in unforgiveness or always in peace, you know. So what do you do to get yourself in a place to give on a Sunday morning where you may not feel like you?
Speaker 1:have much. I always reminded myself that I need God, just like the people that I'm about the same to need him. And, um, even, even Stellars. We, I found out, remember like two weeks, like oh, we can have before. So I brought my mom, we brought our nanny, my son, my wife, everybody was with us. So we drove down four hours and when this, when the show ended, I drove back that was us too.
Speaker 2:We laughed because I had to minister on that sunday.
Speaker 1:so I and my wife was like, we'll drive my mom's, like, and they know I'm not gonna like let them drive, and um, I'm not going to let them drive and I was tired, but we got home around four in the morning.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, we got home at four in the morning too, and I had to be at church at eight.
Speaker 1:And I had to be at church at eight o'clock. I had to go return the rental car and left my keys in the rental car, so I had to. I had walked all the way to my car, found out it was locked, ubered to church that morning and I'm just getting frustrated because I was like maybe I should just got somebody else to lead, you know, or whatever. But I showed up, got there, you know, when I needed to be there and I ministered, you know, just left the biggest stage in gospel music and then came to my local church and ministered as if none of that even mattered. And I believe that the Lord, you know, my friend um Zeke he texted me was like bro, and this is why God can trust you, the people, in that, in that audience did not know.
Speaker 2:Did not know or care.
Speaker 1:You know they just like hey, I'm here, they gonna care when they see it on TV. I'm here to get my breakthrough, you know, or whatever. They didn't know all the things. So after worship I ubered back to um the airport wow, low, because my key has a a little thing on it air tag on it. Um, walk, you're walking around, wow. For 15 minutes trying to find where the car is. Walked all the way to everywhere I've never even seen before. And the lady at the front desk over there where they clean the cars, I said, um, I grabbed it out this morning, wow. And I was at the front desk over there where they clean the cars. I said I grabbed it out this morning, wow. And I was calling the car company to see if they could try to trace it back to you. I sent her some lunch money and said girl, get my key.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, right, right.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go home. I'm going home and I slept the night away and I was back at work teaching the next morning morning. And you know I mean but my, but my, my school has sent out emails congratulations. I'm very on, mr holmes. My students going crazy on social media send me on the red carpet, things like that. So it's just like god is. God is just showing me how to steward every area that he's called me to well and um, and how he'll give me grace for every season. So even in those moments where I don't feel like showing up, those moments, moments where I have nothing left, I have been a witness that his strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Speaker 2:That's good. I can so relate, and I don't even know how you do it. At my church I did run of show, and so I oversee the whole planning of service, the cameras, this that. I speak to AV, I'm trying to like the conduit between AV and everybody and all the things.
Speaker 2:I'm exhausted, just doing that, okay. So if I had to get up there and sing after all that, my goodness Like I really tell people all the time. Please be grateful for your worship leaders, your AV team, the people who get to church hours early to make sure that you have a good experience, week after week after week after week. Who can barely take a Sunday off, who can't just sleep in and watch it online.
Speaker 2:Be grateful for these people, because there is really a deep sacrifice on their lives, on the lives of their spouses, on the lives of their children. The worship minister in my church, their family got one car and they live in Austell and I worship up the road from here. They all got to come at 8 am, everybody. You know, and it is an intense sacrifice, but I feel like ministers of music have something so rich and deep and it's why the enemy tries so hard to discredit that part.
Speaker 2:I listened to you on Just Ask, the Podcast Shout out to my girl, jessica Smith, and she said a couple of things that I thought were really good. She talked about how you know the music ministry in many churches gets pimped out. You know how it is not honored the way that it needs to be honored. I wanted to know how do you feel about the state of not just gospel music but music ministry in local churches?
Speaker 1:um, I feel, I feel that just like that youth pastor era. I was a youth pastor for 12 years that was an era where being a youth pastor was like the hot thing. You know everybody just called the youth Because it was cool. You know you could wear your Jordans and her knees. It's cool until it's time to you know yeah, yeah, yeah. Or when you know you got to show up to some games and you know orchestra concerts and band concerts.
Speaker 2:Yep and people's plays.
Speaker 1:And you drive an hour and one of the youth that you're going to celebrate gets to play for three minutes. Yep if that you know what I mean, and so it's like it was a life of sacrifice, two lines.
Speaker 2:This has happened to me.
Speaker 1:You a tree, you a plant in Wizard of Oz.
Speaker 2:One of my kids was a fish in Little Mermaid, you one of the Brits on a yellow brick road and I done drove. This has happened to me.
Speaker 1:From Austell to Madonna to come and see a brick. You ain't got to lie, you just laying on the ground and your tuba is out of key. You know, but it was like a life of sacrifice and I was talking to somebody this morning Like I literally gave the latter years of my teens and all of my 20s to youth ministry teens and all of my 20s to youth ministry and um, and I just feel like, um, I know god is blessing me for it, but when you think about it, yeah, like it's a lot of sacrifice all of my 20s yeah like that's a lot, yeah, like, like, yeah, that's a lot right.
Speaker 2:And I feel that right now, trying to be friends with 16 year olds and be a confidant, yeah.
Speaker 1:Like and to see their lives and all that kind of stuff. It's worth it. But then it's heavy. Yeah, that's heavy to know that the life that we live for the Lord is a life of continuous sacrifice. When you feel like you've gotten to the end of one level of sacrifice, here comes another level of sacrifice, and to whom much is given, much is required, and it's like dang God, like more out of me, like I almost died where I felt like I was in that last season and you want more from me. Like you want me to keep forgiving, you want me to keep giving, you want me to keep putting myself second, you want me to keep showing up when I feel like I have nothing left. And and his answer is like yeah, and that's like I'm talking slow because that's heavy and to really even voice, it is almost depressing, but God always finds a way to sneak people into your life and into your ear. And my students, dang man, like I keep getting emotional because, like I work at Frederick Douglass High School and my students are in this place now where they're like Ms Holmes, I'm coming to church with you on Sunday. I'm coming to church. I'm coming to church and it feels like the seeds that I sow into youth ministry. I'm now doing it on a larger level in my school To where it's like my students are going to church. One of my students I'm going to say his name, keontae Keontae Webb. He calls himself Keontae Webb Holmes and he went to church for the first time on Sunday. He's a singer and he was so happy he FaceTimed me from church. My students come into church with me on Sundays and just like hey, we're pulling up, we're coming, or whatever. And for them to see my life like today at the school.
Speaker 1:I was in my classroom. I got there like 45 minutes early. The school. I was in my classroom. I got there like 45 minutes early and two of the male teachers walked into my class and one of the males said I was walking past so-and-so's class and I heard praise going on and I walked in and I look on the screen and it's you and the other teacher's like yeah, I've been going through a rough season and this song God did that didn't get me through.
Speaker 1:And they're sitting there wondering like why are you here? And God keeps showing me while I'm here. This is why I'm here and you know students sending me videos of the same teacher playing my songs in the class and students having like little praise breaks in the room. It's up. You know, I'm saying like these are the things where God shows me, enrique. I know it's a heavy lift, yeah, yeah, but this is the product of it. You know what I mean. And so, like when I look at the worship, like worship culture things, I'm grateful that there's a spotlight on it, but I'm just praying that the Lord matures us to realize that this ain't nothing to play with. Like worship should not be seen as being a worship pastor. Like worship should not be seen as being a worship pastor or worship leader should not be seen as your avenue to stardom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, your gateway.
Speaker 1:It should not be seen as like your gateway to the Stellars, because people don't know Like I've been leading worship. I'm 34 years old. I've been leading worship at the same church. I've only been at two churches. I've been leading worship at harvest since I was 17 years old, so now over half of my life, and before a stellar, even I didn't want to do no music. I recorded my first album live album in 2016 you know I mean released in 2018. I recorded this, the, the new album in 2022, released in 2024.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm, and so this ain't like you know what I mean Like I could have chased after that instead of doing youth ministry, but the Lord wanted to plant a seed in me then and it's the seed is sprouting now within the school system. I'm getting ready in this next year. I just finished. When I part, I got a congratulations on your graduation. Come on now.
Speaker 1:I just completed my my educational leadership certification, because the prophecy over my life was that you're going to build your own school, but the lord showed me you're going to teach first, because you need to see what teachers need from you. Then you're going to go into administration and be a principal, so you're going to get every level. Before you build any school, you're going to know how this thing works and the lord has had me on the fast track. When the pandemic hit, I literally went back to school. After dropping out in like 20, 2011, in 2019, I went, I went back to school and I, I went, I got my associates, bachelors, masters come on now and I just finished this degree all in like five, six years I love that back to back?
Speaker 1:yeah, while while leading worship, while touring while touring, while, while doing all these different things, while working a full-time job, all these, while becoming a husband, while becoming a father, all these things, and the lord graced me for all of those different things. So people that see, like you, on these stages, they don't understand, yeah, they don't understand what's happening backstage, in the backstage of your life yeah, yeah, that's good listen.
Speaker 2:I tell people all the time, 24 hours in the day, that's enough time for you to follow your dreams and face your reality yeah, yeah, it's enough time. I don't want to hear it. You know what? I mean like you don't gotta quit your job to become a full-time work. Come on, and work, you know, because you're going, you're going to despise that gift after a while, when it's not providing for you and that's why the lord has kept me.
Speaker 1:No people like they ask me why are you doing this? My students just asked me this morning. But someone's like I keep wondering like, why you? Why you, why are you coming here? Like you, you don't have to do this. And I tell them all the time yes, I do. It keeps me grounded. It keeps me grounded. It keeps me in a place where I don't I'm not depending on ministry to take care of my life, because I don't want to despise my gift, I don't want to despise this calling and I know that there's going to come a moment where the Lord is going to cause me to do whatever, but I'm not going to rush that. I'm not going to rush that because I'm not going to be out here pitching pennies when I don't have to.
Speaker 2:Right, get a job, yes, and you like what you do.
Speaker 1:Get a job. Get a job until God calls you off of it. Like, what are we doing? Like, don't, don't, don't the Bible already says that our days be full of trouble. Don't you add trouble on top of trouble because you want to move before God tells you to. And people can prophesy to me every day, every night, every second. I'm not coming off of what God put me on until the Lord takes me off and he will show me when to do it.
Speaker 2:That's good. Listen, you can't help yourself. You got to preach, you got to preach, you got to preach. Um, really quick, two questions. I one that I always end with. I'll ask you one before that Firm Foundation.
Speaker 1:Oh God.
Speaker 2:How do you take a song that everybody? Sings and make it sound like ain't nobody singing before you.
Speaker 1:Like what sang it before you. Like what. I'm like what in the world. How did that come about, that song? When I transitioned into the worship pastoral at Belong?
Speaker 2:Shout out to Pastor LeBriant.
Speaker 1:And Pastor Fadika. Fred, yes, they had that song on the list. I was just filling in. I had never known the song or whatever, and it was a worship night and I didn't want to learn the song. And so I learned it enough to get through it.
Speaker 1:And because I was in a season where my foundation was shaky and I did not, you know, I did not want to sing that song because I was like it going to break me. I know I'm not going to make it through this part, especially when it was saying I still got joy and chaos. I was contemplating suicide. And the thing is, when I say contemplating, I knew I wasn't going to do it. It was literally a contemplation, like then we just kept planning it in my mind to make me think about it and I'm like I'm not going to get myself, but it was like for me to even get to that point. You know what I mean. And so I sung it that night and I was ministering and I was like I still got joy and chaos. I got peace. That makes no sense. The part that took me down. I won't be going under. I'm not held by my own strength.
Speaker 1:And as I was singing it, a song that carried me through years ago was he's able? And I was just like, wait a minute. Like you know, I'm known to mash up a song, whatever. So, um, you know, after we, we sung it a few times and I was like god is able to do and um, but instead of going to he's able, I was like he won't boom and I got the video of my phone and it exploded in the room and when it was time for me to do my release concert I didn't want to put it on my album.
Speaker 1:But when I did my album release concert I was like I want to record my album release concert, so I'm actually releasing some of that soon.
Speaker 2:Come on now. Come on now.
Speaker 1:And Kimberly Joy.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I was like get Kim to be on it and we recorded it. And when I tell you the way that it ministered those, this happened in 2022? Really, yes, my first time singing it. 2022. No, no, 2023. Okay, that sounds about right. 2022. No, did I record it? 2023.
Speaker 2:That sounds about right 2023.
Speaker 1:2023 was when I sung it for the very first time and, yeah, the rest was history. It stuck with me and we recorded it, we released it and it has just been blessing people. I've been seeing people sing the mix and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:It's amazing and it's just like dang man. Yeah, like I told you, you ain't no slouch, you be on the stage with big voices and your voice be just as big. I love to hear it. You know, after coming off this stellar performance and allXM Holy Culture, listeners to know about what you got coming up.
Speaker 1:Yes, so I am getting ready to release some more music, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm planning for my next live recording and this is all like fresh a meeting last week. I'm planning my tour. You're Gonna See it tour, yes, and so it's just going to be amazing.
Speaker 1:Like I feel like God has given me back, because even after ministering at the Stellars, I was still in a place of like you know, like super grateful, but also like do I still want to do this or whatever? Not that I'm not called to it, but like where's that, where's that fire to do it, like to push me into it? And I had a meeting with, with my label, refresh Refrain and G Morris Coleman and Naomi Rain. And we had a meeting and we just came together and we was just like, let's get back to what God has called you to do. And it was just like the wake up call I needed. It was. It just felt like everything just started lining together, everything is aligned together. So all the things tour, music, planet, starting to write again for the next live recording. So I'm just, I'm really excited. I know I'm going to record next year and but I'm going to. I'm going to be putting out some new music within the next month or so.
Speaker 2:Amen, I'm excited about it. Listen, you always have coverage when it comes to press, anything you need covered. Want us to talk about? Holler at me. You already know I'm so proud of your perseverance. I'm proud of your witness, your light, of what you're doing in the community with our youth and just of who you are. I asked a question to end our show and that question is in the grand scheme of things, what do you want your legacy to be? That's a heavy question, isn't it?
Speaker 1:In the grand scheme of things, what would I want my legacy to be? I want people to remember me as someone who gave it all, even when he felt like he had nothing. Um, like, especially when it comes to parenting. Like a lot of my students call me pops and they look at me as a father. You know even the way I parent my son, cooper.
Speaker 1:I didn't have that, but I'm being what I didn't have and I know that it is nothing but the grace of God like giving me, giving me to be able to do that, and and. So that's what I giving me to be able to do that and um, and so that's what I want my legacy to be. Like, um, a self, that that I was a selfless man, that I was able to give something that I never received myself but I always wish I had. And the reason why I give so much in that area is because I know how I felt not having it. I know how I felt not having my father in the stands at a game, or, you know, when they have father son things and all that kind of stuff. I didn't have that, and so when it comes to my, my students, I show up for them. I show up for those games.
Speaker 1:Me and Cooper was just at a football game a few weeks ago and as soon as that game ended I put the videos in my story. Those boys ran over, jumped the fence, hugged me. You know they won the game, hugging all on Cooper and stuff like that, and that's and my wife tells me that all the time Like, babe, god's going to bless you, yes, because you are literally being something that you never had, and yeah, and yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:You're well on your way. Well on your way to fulfilling that legacy. I'm super excited about your future. I will not be like everybody else and say what's you still doing working? I know exactly what you're still doing working. I get it, but I do know that there will come a time when God will call you to other things, and the greatest thing about that is you're still going to be able to start that school. Lebron James started school.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:People. You can start schools while being you know in your field, and so I'm just excited to see what God is going to do through you. Excited to hear the new music that is coming. You got a home at Holy Culture, sirius XM. More importantly than that, you got a home at I'll Just Let Myself In With your Girlish.
Speaker 1:Speaks, no matter where I go.
Speaker 2:So I'm just thankful that you came. I'm thankful for your yes and excited to have had you on the show. This has been another episode of. I'll Just Let Myself In With your Girlish Speaks, and I'm so grateful for all of you who have tuned in. If you're listening on Holy Culture, sirius XM channel 140, monday nights, eastern Standard Time, 8 pm. If you're listening there, thank you so much. If you're watching on their YouTube, thank you so much. If you are watching on my YouTube, atlas Speaks. Please subscribe.
Speaker 2:I realize about 80% of the people who regularly watch my content are not subscribed. You may not even know you're not subscribed. You may just say, oh, it always comes up on my mentions or it always comes Subscribe. Go ahead and click the subscribe button so that you don't miss anything we have going on over here. As I always tell you guys, this is a podcast where we don't wait for some imaginary permission slip or some seat at an imaginary table, we listen voice and we let ourselves into the doors he's telling us to until next week. Thank you so much for joining peace.