Episode 37 - With Sharon Armstrong

In this week's episode I'm chatting to Sharon Armstrong who is less than 6 months into her grow out. And finding it easier than she expected. Sharon's the first person I've spoken to who's mentioned the Happier grey Podcast being one of the inspirations for choosing to go grey :)

Transcript

Happier Grey with Sharon Armstrong

Helen: Hello and thanks for joining me, Helen Johnson, for the Happier Grey podcast. I'm pro-ageing and love my grey hair, but I know it can be quite intimidating to take the plunge, so each week I'll be chatting to other women who've chosen to embrace the grey in the hope of inspiring and supporting you, whether you already have silver hair, in the process of going grey, or just considering ditching the dye.

Today, I'm joined by Sharon Armstrong. She's a graphic designer, illustrator, and surface pattern designer based in North Shields in the North East of England. She loves beach holidays, running, rummaging around charity shops, making her own clothes, going for nature walks with her eight-year-old daughter, hubby Lee and Bedlington Terrier, Fozzie.

Good morning, Sharon. How are you?

Sharon: I'm good. How are you, Helen?

Helen: I'm good. I've done a yoga class, so I'm feeling fully stretched

Sharon: Fab.

Helen: and raring to go.

I am going to start by asking you, a little bit about your hair history. What was your hair like when you were a child?

Sharon: Yeah, so dark brown, and it gradually just got curlier and curlier. I've always had the curly hair.

Helen: Okay. And did you have it long or short when you were little?

Sharon: Ooh, oh god, I’m very, always changing my hair, so yeah, every length possible.

Helen: Did you experiment with dyeing it when you're in your teens?

Sharon: Yes, yeah, it was all the thing then, wasn't it? It was just a bit of fun, I think there was all those henna kits, wasn't there? And I loved trying all that, and used to get together with my friends and, we'd all be dyeing each other's hairs different colours, and that sort of thing.

Helen: Did you keep dyeing after that or did you let it go back to its natural colour?

Sharon: Yeah, I think it was pretty much semi-permanent ones those days, wasn't it? So, you had it as colour and then it just gradually got back to the normal colour.

Helen: And when did you find your first grey hair? Can you remember?

Sharon: I can't remember exactly, but I think it might've been mid-twenties. But there was just the odd one, and I think I probably just cut it out.

Helen: I think a lot of people either pull them out or cut them out when they just start.

Sharon: Yeah.

Helen: So did you just leave your hair then for a while?

Sharon: Yeah,

Helen: Not colour it?

Sharon: Yeah, I didn't colour it. Actually, I remember now, I used to get blonde bits put in and, I used to quite like getting that sort of thing. I remember going through a spell of doing that in my 20s as well, but yeah, majority of the time it was just my natural colour.

Helen: Okay, and then did you decide to start dyeing it at some point to cover up the greys?

Sharon: Yes, definitely. I think that was more once I got into my thirties, it got to the point where, there was getting to be quite a lot of greys. And then, I at first, I would just dye it at home myself, just get kits from the from the shops. 

But then, more and more grey hair started coming through. You couldn't get the, effect that you wanted yourself.

Then I basically just got on a routine of, every five to six weeks, trip to the hairdresser's getting my roots done like that all the time. So that'll be well over ten years. Every five weeks. Getting it done.

Helen: Can you remember why you decided to cover the greys in the first place?

Sharon: I think I just thought it was what you did. It never occurred to me to ever not do it. I just thought that, that's what you did. And, you know, to hide them.

Helen: Okay, yeah, I think it's quite conditioned into us.

Sharon: Yeah, and to be honest, it's only been, the last year, and it's basically been, your podcast. Seeing it come up on LinkedIn, and seeing these pictures, and I guess it's happened gradually over time that I've thought, hang on a minute, lots of people don't do this.

And once you kind of, it dawns on you, then you just start spotting more and more women that aren't following this, thing of getting your hair done every five, six weeks.

Helen: Yeah, it's a bit like being on the treadmill, and it becomes such a habit that you just don't question it. You get the stress of seeing the roots, and thinking, oh God, they're getting longer and longer. Oh, I really have to do something about them. Just cause that's what you're conditioned to think, 

Sharon: Yeah. I just never, never thought anything else, and it's only really seeing other women that I thought right, I'm not going to do that anymore, and how great they look.

And I was just thought, oh, actually, I want to.  To me, it's almost like going back to being a teenager, and experimenting with your hair colour. I'm like thinking, oh, I want to experiment and see what I look like.

Helen: I'm glad that the podcast has played a small part in your decision because the whole point of doing the podcast was just to say to people, grey hair is lovely. Why are we all worrying about it? 

Anyway, you are in the grow out phase. So, when did you last dye your hair?

Sharon: Yeah, so that was in June. I did get it done, because I had a little holiday in June and I did think, oh, I'll get it done just before I go away. And then after that, I'll just leave it and see. 

With hair I'm quite flippant, I don't worry about it. I just think, just see, you know, I'll get a cut, see how I feel. I'll grow it, see how I feel. 

And I've just done the same with this. I've just thought, I'll just start growing it. And if at any point, I don't like it, I can just get it dyed again. It's no big deal. So now it's been about six months. And, I think I'm quite lucky in that, with us having curly hair, it's not as obvious.

I mean I have had times where I feel quite self-conscious. You know, if you're having like a night out and that sort of thing. You do have a bit more of it in your mind thinking, oh, are people looking at me, you know, thinking, oh God, she needs to get her hair done. In general, I don't think it's that noticeable because of the waviness.

We've just been away again. And I did think am I going to feel self-conscious on holiday, but it wasn't too bad actually. I just wore hair bands and stuff, during the day. And then on a night-time, obviously I was, styling my hair, and I just thought oh, it looks fine.

One thing I have started doing, I've always liked bright colours and that sort of thing, but I've started wearing really big earrings. And I feel like somehow the earrings, and the bright colours, are almost distracting from the hair.

Helen: Okay, so you're making a statement in a different way.

Sharon: Yeah. But I'm liking what's coming through. It's quite sort of fascinating just to see what's actually grown and what it looks like.

Helen: Yeah, and I think that's the other thing it's never what you expect. Cause with the roots, you just see the white. And then when it comes through, there's a degree of the old colour left.

Sharon: Oh Yes.

Helen: So, it's a mix.

Sharon: I am now getting to the point where I'm thinking, oh, come on, hurry up. I just want it to be done now. But, to be honest, I'd had me hair pretty short, a couple of years ago, and, it took us a year to grow it out to a longer style, and that was probably more traumatic than what this has been. Because at least it's in the style that I like.

Helen: Yeah,

Sharon: And my hair is quite short, so it's not gonna take forever for it to grow. I'm hoping that maybe it's after Christmas. It might be almost gone. 

Helen: I think it’s interesting that you reach, you’re at that phase where you kind of run out of patience. That’s what happened with me, cause I think in the beginning I had good days and bad days. Just because I was so conditioned that the roots were a bad thing. And a lot of the time my hair was tied back because my hair was longer than yours when I was growing it out.

But you do eventually reach a phase, and for me it was like 12, 18 months in, where I was just like, no, I just don't want any more of the blonde, because mine was bleached blonde before. And I ended up having a jaw length bob with layers, just because I wanted it over. 

Sharon: Yeah. I can't go much shorter with mine. But I'm obsessed at the moment with looking for inspiration online for, what style I want it,

Helen: Yeah.

Sharon: once all the grey has come through. That's what I'm constantly looking for.

Oh, it might look nice like this, or it might look nice like that. Yeah. So I'm finding it quite an exciting time, even though it is taking longer than I thought.

Helen: So, where are you looking for your inspiration online? 

Sharon: A couple of Instagram accounts that I follow. And tags on Instagram as well are pretty good. You can, search that way, for either curly hairstyles, or I have been looking for grey curly hairstyles as well.

Helen: Okay, but mainly on Instagram?

Sharon: Yeah.

Helen: Very different question next then. How have your friends and family reacted to your decision?

Sharon: Really positively, actually. I was quite nervous, to tell them, just because you don't know, how people are going to react. Everybody's been really positive, and really supportive, and said, oh definitely you should go for it. There's not been one person being negative, which I was surprised about.

Especially family, because it can be a little bit blunt at times. But yeah, my mum was like, oh, it's really trendy these days, you should definitely do it. So, yeah, it's been really nice actually. I think that's helped with my attitude towards it.

Helen: Yeah, I think that's one of the other things as well. I think we all have the expectation that people will disapprove.

Sharon: Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Helen: And the reality for most people is you might find one or two people who do, but most people are encouraging. And I find you get a lot of compliments about the colour as well.

Sharon: Yeah, I’m looking forward to that, lovely.

Helen: Well, you are still in the most difficult phase, I would say. Those first six months, especially when you've just got the growth and people might just think, oh, you've been lazy, and you should just go and colour it. Until it becomes really obvious that that's not what you're doing.

Sharon: Yeah, yeah. There's a few mums in my daughter's class, when I'm doing the school run. and they've done it.

I was the same with them at first, I'd thought, oh, have they just not had their roots done? But it's obvious now that they've went through it and grown it out.

 I think that's the thing, isn't it? People don't say anything.

Helen: Yeah, I think even if people are thinking it, most people think it would be very rude to actually say anything to you.

Sharon: Yeah, definitely. 

Helen: Okay, so then a question about ageing. I don't actually know how old you are. 

Sharon: I’m 45.

Helen: Okay. So, are you finding any other changes as you're ageing, and are you doing anything to help yourself? 

Sharon: Yeah, I mean you know, there’s obviously a lot of changes you go through. And I’m probably at the start of all of that. I have noticed, you know, hair coming out, that sort of thing. You do find that you're stiffer and that sort of thing as well. 

Probably about 10 years ago, I got into running, and I got into my fitness that way. And that's something I think that's really important for me to maintain.

I was thinking that I'm not going to be as fit as what I was when I was younger, but I think that's probably a mindset thing. I just want to maintain it really. I find that fitness is a big thing for, stress and, just happiness as well. Really boosts my mood.

So yeah, that’s something that I’m wanting to keep up. And this year I’ve found as well to combat, sleepless nights, and you know, waking up lots of times during the night. I think that's an ageing thing.

Alcohol this year. My husband he did it previously, last year. He's not cut it out completely, but whereas, in the past we would drink a lot in the house together. The weekend wouldn't go by where we wouldn't, have a few drinks.

We're just finding now that unless I'm actually on a night out with friends, I just can't see the benefit of drinking. I feel I get a much better sleep, and I can't be doing with the hangovers anymore. I will have one if I really want one. But I just don't see the benefit of it now to when I was younger. 

So, there are probably two things, just trying to keep up with my fitness and, keep myself motivated in that area, and cutting out the alcohol. I do feel much better not doing that.

Helen: Okay, so you’ve said you’ve got a dog, so you’re obviously out walking the dog in nature every day. 

Sharon: Yeah.

Helen: And you run as well. How often do you run?

Sharon: Probably about three times a week.

Helen: Okay.

Sharon: I did the Great North run, September gone. I've done that the last couple of years. I generally sign up to a couple of 10Ks as well. In the sort of beginning off the year, so that keeps us going over the winter as well. I've got to keep that fitness level up. It's good to have something sort of on the horizon.

Helen: Which I find quite interesting. I did the Great North Run once, more than 25 years ago,

Sharon: All right, yeah,

Helen: and hated it.

Sharon: Oh!

Helen: Because there were just too many people and I couldn't run running's like a meditation for me and I normally run on my own.

Sharon: Uh huh. 

Helen: And I just couldn’t. Because you can’t get into a sensible stride pattern for about the first half of it. Really didn’t enjoy it. I was like I’m never doing it again.Oh, no. 

Sharon: Yeah, it's one of those things, isn't it? You either love it or hate it. For me, I do enjoy the day, an, it's the atmosphere and all that sort of thing, when you're actually doing it. But for me, it's just good to have something off in the distance that I know I need going for.

And I'm the same when I'm out running, I just run on my own. And I have been a member of a running club previously. But yeah, I just like getting out on my own and just having that little bit of time to yourself, isn't it? 

Helen: Yeah, for me, it literally is like when people talk about meditating, it's like that. I just go into my own head, and I don't listen to music or anything like that.

Sharon: No, I don't either. People find that weird, I think, but yeah. But I don’t.

Helen: Most people do, yeah, most people are like, how do you not have, well, just don't. I'm just taking notice of the scenery that I'm running through, which, cause I run down by the River Tyne.

Sharon: Oh, lovely. Oh,

Helen: So, it's pretty here, so that's good.

Sharon: Oh, well, I'll run along the coast. 

Helen: Oh, again, nice scenery. 

I'm gonna ask you about shampoo now, cause you've got curly hair. And I don't have curly hair, so I don't know much about curly hair generally. Do you use a special shampoo and conditioner anyway for curly hair?

Sharon: I tend to use John Frieda Frizzies. I use them, but not all the time. I had been using, an Elvive one, for coloured hair previously. I'm kind of at the stage of researching and, I've been asking people what they use to take notes. Once it all comes through, I want to, see what other people find works.

Cause I use this curly one, but not every day, not all the time, cause it makes it too soft. Because I've been looking for styles on Instagram, obviously now I get all the tailored ads, brands.

Helen: Oh yeah. You will.

Sharon: There was one called White Hot on Instagram, and they have, real people that they show, on there. It does make you think, oh, that's one of the ones that I'm thinking about trying.

Helen: It is interesting, some people I talk to do use special shampoos and some people don't, and I don't.

Sharon: You don't? Oh, I was just about to say to you, no.

Helen: No, but I've always used, Aveda shampoos and conditioners, which are just natural ones. And then I've got a seaweed one as well. My hair's not as brittle as it used to be. And I only wash it once a week, but I tend to use the restructuring conditioner I used to use when I had blonde hair.

Cause I just think it maybe needs a little bit of looking after, to stop it getting really dry. But I don't do anything to stop it colouring. Maybe, when my hair gets whiter, cause I've still got quite a lot of the dark blonde in it. So, my hair tends often to look like it's just got highlights anyway. So far, I've not really had a problem.

One last question then. If somebody came to you and said, I'm thinking about going grey, what advice would you have for them? Silence.

Sharon: Oh, I mean I’d definitely tell them to go for it. I think it is freeing, you don't realise how trapped you felt in that dyeing process until you give it a go 

Yeah, hairbands. Little hair scarves. Yeah, they all help.

Helen: So, if you're going out, then at the moment you'd put a hairband on?

Sharon: Just depends really, with the outfit and stuff. yeah, big earrings, that's my thing. Yeah, big earrings for distraction.

Helen: And maybe not worry about it.

Sharon: Just try not to think about it, because like you say, it's that whole thing on holiday where you worry about, getting your swimwear on. Everybody else is so worried about what they look like, they're not actually looking at you, and I think it probably is the same thing with your hair.

Probably, if you asked people afterwards, what did you think of my hair? They'd probably go, oh, you know, I didn't notice it. Cause everybody's so concerned about their self, aren't they? Thinking everybody's looking, at their imperfections, 

Helen: I think most of the time, as you said, people are just concerned about how they are looking that day, rather than other people. And certainly, they're not looking to pick holes in people.

Sharon: No, no. Definitely not.

Helen: Okay, well I'm going to say thanks for joining me then. It's been really interesting chatting with you and good luck with the rest of your grow out.

Sharon: Aw, thank you Helen, it's been lovely chatting to you.

Helen: Thanks so much for joining me for this week's show. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have. I'll be back again next week, but in the meantime, you can follow me on Instagram at happier.grey. Have a great week.