Overcoming Inner Darkness Through Christ's Compassion

Ever wondered how a single event can change your life forever? Allison's experience at the Band of Brothers boot camp in Halifax, Nova Scotia did just that. Through his candid recounting, we explore a journey of skepticism turning into profound faith, catalyzed by an empathetic man's persistent invitation to baptism. Confronting her own selfishness and realigning his priorities, particularly towards his family, Allison’s story is one of emotional and spiritual recovery.

Moving to a new community often means facing the challenge of finding a new church family. Allison shares his trials and triumphs in connecting with the Pentecostal church on Larry Utek Blvd, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Through leadership roles, workshops, and Bible studies, he managed to stay connected to his faith. Allison’s personal philosophy, guided by the question "What would Jesus do?", serves as a compass for his actions and decisions, illustrating the importance of a direct relationship with Christ in navigating life's complexities.

Shift the focus to an HVAC worker whose faith journey also led to a significant transformation. His story of reducing anxiety and improving family harmony through faith, particularly as a member of the Church of Christ, is inspiring. Allison also offers a unique perspective on embracing one's inner darkness, sharing how recognizing and befriending her own inner challenges has been crucial for his growth. Drawing parallels with the show Dexter, he discusses how this introspection, combined with Christ's compassion, has paved the way for his healing.

Transcript

Rick Campbell 0:04

Hi, this is Rick Campbell with GPS. I want to welcome you to the podcast today. I have in the studio today. Allison, how are you Doing fantastic? Good to see you. Thanks for coming in you bet. Having the discussion before we started recording was really good. There's a lot of stuff there that I'd like to see you get into and talk about. One of the first questions is that I'm going to ask you is how did you come to faith?

Rick Campbell 0:46

You can start wherever you like.

Allison Chapman 0:50

Well, when I came to faith, the moment, like the moment I took, that moment, you know, took the plunge I would say would be just last year, okay, so that was at the Band of Brothers boot Camp in Spryfield, Halifax. Okay, it's every fall. I've been going for years and there's just this amazing man that just never gave up on me the whole entire time, since the first time he met me and he just we were doing baptisms and he, literally he just looked at me and he said your turn, your turn. And I'm like, ah, I think I'm good, okay, I think I got this, you know, right, you know. And he's like, no, get in the water, okay. And he literally got in the water with me, okay, plunged me in, and when I come out of that water I could barely walk. Wow, they literally pulled me out of the water. Okay, like I really looked at that, like I'm a symbolism person, right, and the symbol for me.

Rick Campbell 2:06

I knew if I was going to do this.

Allison Chapman 2:07

This was a fresh start and I wasn't going back. Right, this is it Right. So, yeah, just last year. The work up to that was quite the journey and it would be literally 2017.

Rick Campbell 2:19

Right.

Allison Chapman 2:20

And so I met this gentleman. He comes into my house. It's like a sales call, okay, you know it's all the stuff. And then he could kind of see the pain that my wife and I were in, okay, and he just asks the question you know, like so what's the why that makes you cry? That's interesting. What's the why that makes you cry? What's the why that makes you cry? Okay, because we were talking life insurance, we're talking leaving a legacy for my children, okay, and my wife and I looked at each other and literally bawled our heads off and he's just wow, so we struck a nerve there somewhere, something opened up, right, yeah, yeah, because I was hunting for money?

Allison Chapman 3:04

Oh, okay, I was hunting for money. Oh, okay, I was hunting for money. Okay, but money doesn't come until you're aligned with your higher self. And I had no standards back then. Just what I thought. I was just in pure survival mode, right.

Allison Chapman 3:19

So, with the back story of all this, him and I meet, he comes into my home. It's a, like I said, it's a sales call for insurance and investments and where I'm ex-military and I have injury, I was hesitant to switch providers because I have a good plan, I am busted up, okay, and I was afraid that it would cost more, be more effort and all that stuff. So, right, we just start talking feelings and he's a super empathic person, like he really is a conduit to the higher creator. He is beyond and he just started pulling information out of us. Um, that's fine, he leaves. He calls me the next day hey, I think you should come with me to this men's group. And, of course, some pure survival. I'm like I don't do men's groups and I don't do this and I don't do that, right, anyway, we. Um.

Allison Chapman 4:20

So here's the story. I, I had $281 to my name, wow, and I mean that was. These were epic times for me the boot camp was like $230 with taxes to go. And he just said, if you're meant to be, you know you'll find a way. I was like, okay, so I slept on it and the time's ticking, the time's ticking, the time is ticking and I just said, okay, I'm going, packed my little bag, my sleeping bag and you know they have bunks there and stuff and it's like kind of like a little military kind of encampment, kind of right.

Allison Chapman 5:04

Um, paid it, left my wife with 31 dollars at the end of the month with the rent coming, and all boy, oh, yeah, yeah. And of course she is. You know, we've been together for now. We just hit our 21st wedding anniversary. Oh, congratulations, that's great, thank you. And it to win it all the way awesome, man right, that's great. Never like, never like. She's my rock. And left her with 31 dollars, like all right, here we go. So off I go and um, change my life. It actually changed my life, but it wasn't christ and the church and religion right off the bat, it was um. It was like, wow, am I an a-hole? Okay, am I self?

Allison Chapman 5:49

I am so selfish I cannot believe what I am not doing right now so you know, and it was all about my kids and my wife, but mostly the kids.

Rick Campbell 6:03

Okay.

Allison Chapman 6:04

So that's great. I come back. Big redemption time. You know I call everybody and bawl in my head off. I had to sleep for three days. It took that much out of you. It took that much out of me.

Allison Chapman 6:14

I literally come home and crawled to my bed and I didn't leave that house the majority of the time in my bedroom for almost three days, like two and a half days. That took you that much time to recover. I cried so hard that the men beside me in the front row of that audience there were times they held me up in my chair Wow, it just you know the grinch and the heart cracks open. He's like, oh, he's doing the thing. That was me and that was awesome. And then the next year I went and then it was all about my marriage.

Allison Chapman 6:50

Okay, epic COVID hits. We don't actually have a physical location for a while. And then I go again. And then it's about my dad. That's heavy. So it was so heavy for me. I went through the whole boot camp going. This is great, it's like a refresher and it was like the last webinar or the last seminar, okay, and it's like the video. You know where this long distance runner from wherever, I forget now his dad. Dad trained him and they told him he would never make it. He'd never make it. And doesn't he get to the Olympics? Wow. And anyway, on the, on the final stretch, he blows a hamstring oh no, loses the race. Yeah, and his father literally runs down over the stadium, picks up his son and drags him across the finish line like like I'm on end right now, yeah, okay, I'm like, so that was the whole dead.

Allison Chapman 7:56

Where are you for me? Okay, and all that. And then last time I went, it was so great they actually invited me into leadership, nice, so tell me a little bit about Band of Brothers then.

Allison Chapman 8:09

Band of Brothers. It's Christian faith, right, jesus is the way, he is the standard, which is amazing. And it's a three-day program. Well, they say you should check your cell phones off, but I definitely I left my phone in the car. Okay, like no distraction, I'm going there to learn, right, right. So first, I'm a philosopher, I'm a learner, you know, the faith was not a part of me at all, okay, right, so I had to learn. Like, what is that? What are these systems, what are these methods? Why I'm a, why, why, behind the what? Okay, and yes, you show up and it's, it's a, it's a complete system. And you, you do a seminar, you reflect, you journal, um, you have quiet time, and then you gather and then and just rinse and repeat for three days and it's like different things. You know the purpose of a man, the adventure of a man, fatherhood, fighting for the heart of your beauty, your wife, okay, you know. And then what? Being a man of God is Okay, and it's the same thing every year, but it's different inside every time. Nice.

Allison Chapman 9:25

Yeah so that's where I got my beginnings, so it's different inside every time. Nice, yeah, so that's where I got my beginnings.

Rick Campbell 9:29

Social facility new, new, okay, but I've been looking for it my whole life, I think uh, I think, as I said before we started recording, um, we, you know I'd like to promote band of brothers and and get more information out there. So you, you know, if you do have something that you can pass along to TP1 and to our other podcast, gps, that would be fantastic. Yeah, we'd love to help you promote that if at all possible.

Allison Chapman 9:58

You bet yeah, I'd love that. Thank you for that. Yeah, exposure is great.

Rick Campbell 10:04

So are you currently part of a church family?

Allison Chapman 10:10

No, we moved. Okay, so we moved to a new community. Um, and I was, you know, I was, I'm part of the pentecostal church in larry utek. Okay, um, you know the full gospel, right? So, instead of new people knew this, knew that I literally communicate commune from where I live to halifax, okay, yeah, so, to be fair, really not like on the sunday the sunday aspect of things don't usually work out to be fair okay, so we stayed connected through, like the leadership and the groups and the workshops and the bible studies. Okay, and that's really how I am connected through that.

Rick Campbell 10:49

Do they have like an online ministry too? Like do they broadcast their services or like on YouTube or anything like that? No, no, interesting Okay.

Allison Chapman 10:58

Yeah, and, to be fair, it's a lot of guys doing a lot of work and doing the best they can, Okay, but, like everything, we all have day jobs. We all have day jobs. We all have 16 side hustles on the go and you're busy, yeah, and I mean steve jobs. I mean he built pixar and apple and and by by 56. So I mean I know there's time, okay, but it's. I think big picture is coordination roles. The turnover is high. So it's really being consistent with what we talked about at Last. Band of Brothers. Okay, you know we need a committee. You know this gentleman is responsible for this. He is this person.

Rick Campbell 11:40

He is this person?

Allison Chapman 11:41

He is this person, but that hasn't come to light yet. Okay, I think things will. They'll expand once the framework for that gets put in place.

Rick Campbell 11:52

Okay, good, good. How do you keep close to Christ?

Allison Chapman 11:58

Well, I have a simple philosophy and, and it's simple, what would Jesus do Fair enough? And I asked myself that before I. Would Jesus do Fair enough? And I ask myself that before I pretty much do anything, okay. And then if I'm doing, engaging in something, or doing something not even not bad, or anything, just if I'm making a decision to do something, I just ask myself another question If you're old JC sitting here, yeah, would he be proud of me? Uh-huh, you know so it doesn't allow me to hide, okay. So I, I walk with christ every day okay, good all right.

Allison Chapman 12:40

So he's here, he's always, he's my buddy, he's my brother, he's my guide, he's my buddy, he's my brother, he's my guide, he's my standard. So if you understand who Christ really is, then when you say you know what would Jesus do, it's easy to know what he wouldn't do. Okay, because I'm a wouldn't person. It's weird, like you know, I get tagged a lot for my friends and family if I'm a negative outlook. Right, but only through understanding your pain can you find peace. Mm-hmm, because if you don't understand where the pain is coming from, you can never find a remedy. It's like throwing antibiotics at it. You might think you have an infection, but you don't really know. Right, you're taking medications your whole life and really you're just allergic to the fabric softener you're using, right, yeah, so I just kind of come to this conclusion of all right. So I mean this is what he stands for, this is what he's done. Christ actually means consciousness, it means a higher consciousness. So when Christ returns, what that really means philosophically is when everyone unites in a like-minded fashion at the Christ consciousness, the mindset. Christ returns, right. So I'm like, oh, okay, so how do I stay in line? And this is back. You know I've healed a lot, actually Okay. You know I feel a lot actually okay.

Allison Chapman 14:05

But before you know, if I, you know, get the frustration of I was explosive and I couldn't control. I had no control over my emotions at all. Okay, zero to 100, wow, but never. But I always had this restraint within me, okay, this natural restraint, even when I was young, through the the dark times, never broke the law, never did drugs, never drank. I, if I wanted to really hurt somebody, I just wouldn't, I would, I would internalize it and hold it in, and then that led me to my journey in the gym and stuff like that. Right, but my relationship with Christ is just that basically. Hey, bro, am I doing good? Like, are you proud of me? Am I doing okay? And if I'm not doing okay, if I didn't do it good enough, then instruct me on how I can do it better next time. Okay, I'll look at him like my life coach.

Rick Campbell 14:56

Okay. Do you find, like, if you're reading the Bible, do you find that God speaks through you in that way? No, interesting, no.

Allison Chapman 15:07

Interesting. No, and, to be fair, I'm not overly biblical. Okay, I mean, the passages are great. I mean the passages and the Psalms really help me with my healing and they help me in my life. There's a lot of value there for me, helped me in my life, I, there's a lot of value there for me. But when I, if I read a passage or if I read a verse, yes, it reminds me of something, or it'll anchor something in me of like, yes, that's, this is a value, that's a virtue, this is that. But no, I, I don't, to be fair, I really don't have a super deep connection with that, with the bible itself. Okay, yeah, mine's really with christ. Okay, and not to it's not to just defame anything at all, I don't know. For me personally, it just works so well. I'm just, if I start getting like like that in my mind, the negative thoughts, I literally get a tap on my shoulder just like that going hey, man, what's up?

Allison Chapman 16:11

okay yeah so a verse doesn't come to my mind, it goes. You know better than that. That's what I get. So when I read the bible, that's what I get I learned that I need to work on this. I understand that. Wow, that's amazing. That's what I receive, okay, from the written word mm-hmm, but again, always goes back. It always goes back to my spiritual or my spirit friend, right, okay?

Rick Campbell 16:38

life guide to be fair, yeah, okay let's talk about family now, and are there any other members of your family that know Christ too?

Allison Chapman 16:51

Yeah, we were without Christ for so long.

Rick Campbell 16:56

Okay, I was literally the spearhead on that, so once you came to know Christ, then your family just followed along, like your wife and kids and everything Not so much like hey guys, this is awesome Come with me because they're skeptical too.

Journey of Transformation and Healing

Allison Chapman 17:14

Okay, right, they have questions, they always have questions, and I have 10,000 questions still about things. But there's just things that make sense and there's things that don't. And there's things that are worth digging up and there's things that's not. Okay, right, that make sense and there's things that don't. And there's things that are worth digging up and there's things it's not okay right, like I mean, you can get into all these philosophical, spiritual aspects of things, like we can get into an anglican and a presbyterian and a protestant and a pentecostal, and they all sit at the same table and they all have a different view slightly, okay, so I didn't find value in picking that apart at all. You know what I mean. You all have your belief. You all have your thing, where you come from. For me, the common denominator is Christ. Yes, so I do a lot of work in churches. I do a lot of HVAC repair, installations, cleanings.

Rick Campbell 17:59

Okay.

Allison Chapman 18:02

So the question comes up within seconds of like so what church do you belong to and what stuff?

Rick Campbell 18:07

I said I belong to the.

Allison Chapman 18:08

Church of Christ and I just defuse it all. Okay, and it doesn't matter. I mean I work with Catholic Church and I work with the Pentecostal Church. But yeah, to get back on that, it was really you know. My wife started seeing changes in me. Oh, okay, you know she's like. Okay, he's approachable, he's listening, he actually shows he cares. He's not just money fixed, he's spending more time with the kids. He's not having an anxiety attack Sitting still, like I'd be like 110 heart rate sitting still. Wow, having pure physical panic attacks.

Rick Campbell 18:50

Driving, physically frozen, driving down the road is this where you you had mentioned about um like being explosive, like emotionally oh yeah, so I take it that that that went away too, yeah wow, yeah, yeah.

Allison Chapman 19:04

So my wife, she, she's involved with the Hearts of Beauty, mm-hmm, and that was awesome. So I mean, she watched me for almost six years go through this transformational journey, okay, and she's like, huh, I'm going to be something to that, right, he's changed. He's changed. Yeah, yeah, there's a transformation there. He's changed. He's changed. Yeah, there's a transformation there. So she's with me.

Allison Chapman 19:30

My two youngest are now this year 13 and 9. Okay, my 13-year-old, she's a lot younger, so much like me when I was young. Oh, it takes right after dad. Oh man, she's like my shadow, right, and we're besties. It's amazing. The same thing, though. She's going through the exact same mindset I did. She's like I'm not doing that, I don't know about it, it's corny, it's this, it's that, because they get a lot of ridicule, I mean the schools. Well, yes, that's true, yeah, so there's a language here. Like you know, you don't want to be preachy and you don't want to force your beliefs on people and stuff, right? So for us, we just took the approach of listening to people and then just offering straightforward advice, if they're open to it, okay, if they're open to it.

Allison Chapman 20:21

Okay. So, because I have such a massive history in mental health that was not faith-based, I really gravitate towards the philosophical aspect of healing, okay. And then for me it's philosophy is the surgery, but Jesus is like the medication afterwards. So, to make sense of that, I can make sense of everything in my life, but still be freaking out, right, still be terrified and mad and sad, and it really is fear and love, right. So I was in pure fear at all times and every other negative emotion comes from fear. Okay, yes, fear is the root.

Allison Chapman 21:02

Yeah, you judge someone because you're afraid of what they may do to you. You judge something because you're afraid that you can't withstand it. There's a fear, right. Okay, you know, you don't call your boss back because you're afraid about not having the skills to have the conversation. There's always a fear. Um, so, with my family, with all this, I guess, with my rambling, with my getting well, with all of this experience with my family, my 13 year old daughter is literally just watching me. She's watching my behavior. Wow, because children model you. They don't listen to you, they model you, they watch. They're watching all the time aren't they yeah?

Allison Chapman 21:49

yeah, um, my dad forgiven, it's not about that anymore. There was a time, though, okay, that if he was six feet under I wouldn't have cared. Wow, for real. And. But there's times now in my adult life I reflect back on on him and be like, wow, that was him. I just did that, and or I just accomplished that, or I conquered that and that was him. Wow. So I modeled him. Okay, right. So my daughter's modeling me.

Allison Chapman 22:19

My youngest daughter just turned nine and she's kind of like you know what you call your, your love child, your spirit child, you know just, she's so, just in the moment. She's not in the past. No comprehension of the future. She's all right now, okay, and 13 year-old, she is literally all in the past. Okay, right, you mess around with me before you're done. But that was me, so she modeled me, right. So my youngest is in that transition where she didn't really see that part of me to model it. Okay, so she's more receptive. So she has a picture of Christ over her bed. Uh, she calls him yeshua. Oh, okay, um, she, he protects her when she sleeps. She has a really big bedroom. She feels alone in there. She's right next to us, okay, but she's like no, he's got my back he's pure love, yeah, so it's um interesting.

Allison Chapman 23:24

Yes, it was interesting, but no, no one just followed me. No one just followed me, like that. It was more it took time yeah, what's this guy doing?

Rick Campbell 23:34

what's dad doing now?

Allison Chapman 23:36

what's he up to? Okay, right, because I've taken so many courses and so many would you say.

Rick Campbell 23:41

It's sort of like a light slowly coming on and then brightening up and then they're seeing. You know a totally different husband and dad.

Allison Chapman 23:51

Yeah more, more of a lot of things, okay. So what I had to stop doing was being so biblical in my house, because that gets into the like that part. Like, okay, got it Right, don't go away and come back and then learn something new and throw it on us Is what they're really saying?

Rick Campbell 24:13

So what you're saying I get. What you're saying is that you have to live it.

Allison Chapman 24:18

Got to model it A hundred percent, okay, trust. Trust is only built through time. Mm-hmm, like time plus new behavior equals trust.

Rick Campbell 24:31

Hmm.

Allison Chapman 24:32

So I have new behavior, right, but I have no time. Ah, okay, because in the past my wife would say yeah, you say this all the time, yeah, yeah, yeah, you say you're going to stop, but you just do it again. So I had no time. So you, just because we live in 3D time and space, right, it takes time to get there. So my family's just really watching me to see what I'm doing, see what I'm up to, see what I don't do so they're seeing that light?

Rick Campbell 25:06

come on, aren't they? And it's getting.

Allison Chapman 25:08

It seems to be getting brighter day by day yeah, yeah, without making it like a recruitment aspect, it's. It's like a. It's a higher quality of life, it's an, it's an enriched marriage. It's a whole, more wholesome relationship with my children. It's giving them their space and being quiet, because I always have this philosophy of always teaching my kids, but that gets in the way of being a dad. I see, you know, hey, you do know that. And Phoenix, she's 13. She's like dad. I know All right, and I'm like okay, like, okay. So, instead of being like well, listen to your father. Yeah, I'm like okay. So what do you know about that? Enlighten me so I can be quiet.

Rick Campbell 25:58

Right.

Allison Chapman 25:59

Show me you know, and I'll be quiet. And she'd be like blah, blah. I'm like, oh, okay, great, or I don't know, but sometimes you learn things on your own. So by slowing down, being more compassionate, learning, learning the trust philosophy, like on in my, in my community we do equations. I find men love equations, math-oriented, absolutely yeah, like the whole, like this times. That equals this. Over that, we have the no-brainer equation, we have a trust equation, we have equations for everything.

Allison Chapman 26:36

So analytical or I'm very logical, analytical- yeah logical that's another word that I would use to, yeah, um, emotions are almost, uh, they're almost a weakness when it comes to healing, right, right, cause you can't, you can't identify the hurt when you're always hurting. You know, uh, you know, if you ever had a major injury and they'll say where's it hurt? Everywhere, everywhere, but Everywhere, yeah, everywhere, but really it's, it's, you know, it's a ligament or it's a ripped muscle or it's a broken bone somewhere, but the pain is everywhere. So you can't identify it.

Allison Chapman 27:10

So I've learned I mean, some people have said that I disassociate with things, okay, and I do, but not I do intentionally for a short period of time, Right, so if I feel these, I feel like the emotions well up I've got, I've trained myself now where I can literally go stop and I just like, literally, can just like just unhook it and just set it on the table and look at it and be like, okay, what's your problem? Right, like, what do you want right now?

Rick Campbell 27:40

Okay, I was feeling good a minute ago, right? So what's this all about?

Allison Chapman 27:44

yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, you don't belong here, and then I study and go. Actually, you do belong here. That's an unresolved issue.

Allison Chapman 27:50

It was a trauma I've, I've buried or something I've alluded, or so, logically, um, like I said, in the community, everybody has a box. Right, it can be a match box, a shoe box, doesn't matter. All right, everybody, we're getting deep. Everybody, put your emotions in the box. We're logic, land, okay, we're logic. Only, we're going to read the map, we're going to study the terrain, we're going to orientate the compass and we're going for it.

Embracing the Shadow Self

Allison Chapman 28:16

Who's ready? Right, because, because my army career taught me to cry when the war's over, oh, okay. My life with my dad taught me, you know, you can cry when it's done, oh okay, yeah, so, but man, be a man, right now, sort it out, figure it out. So I was like, okay, if you're a leader, you got to figure out leaders as a leader of a battalion, a platoon, a company, your family. If you're on your knees crying on the side of the road, you're not leading your family. No, and that was always me, blowing up, emotional, disconnected, unavailable. So I was like, okay, this is ridiculous. So I'm like I'm gonna learn to catch it. So, like the show dexter you ever seen the show Dexter where he calls it the monster, the darkness?

Rick Campbell 29:03

Oh, okay.

Allison Chapman 29:04

Well, I wasn't killing people on blood slides, no. But to be fair, I had a darkness, oh okay, and when I was younger I always tried to snuff it out. But your shadow self is always a part of you and I didn't know that I was trying to kill it. So I'm very visual and I I know what my monster looks like. He's with me also, but now he's on a leash and he's there only if I need him. So I've, instead of killing it, subduing it, imprisoning it, separating myself from it, I become its friend. So that was my healing aspect of like, why am I not getting better? I'm on the pills, I'm in the therapy, um, I'm praying, I'm this and that like, but the pain just kept coming back. So so for me, yeah, I just learned to. You know the moment when your heart rate goes up and then something happens. Well, the moment before that, okay. So I trained myself to be the moment before the moment something bad happens, right. So then I it'd be like a trigger, so I'd just be. There's that thing.

Rick Campbell 30:20

There it is and I'd be like I would just stop everything and be like looking for it.

Allison Chapman 30:26

What is it? Is it internal or is it external? Where is the stimulus coming from? Looking for it? Looking for it, you know? And then that's where I disassociate. I just, literally, just just take the heart out of my chest, I put it on the table and use my brain. Okay, logically, what's going on? Right? That guy's tapping his finger on the table and I want to break his arm off and beat him with it. Right? It's like okay. So is that my problem? No, is he doing anything wrong? No, okay, am I? Am I being ridiculous?

Rick Campbell 30:58

yes, is this my?

Allison Chapman 31:00

problem. Yes, Okay, Done. So to me that's over now Then I do the thing where. All right, Mr Chapman, smarten up right. But see, I didn't have Christ then. So Christ for me equals compassion. Okay, he is my compassion.