Challenge Your Mind, Change The World

The Art of Asking Questions – Teaching Teens to Think Deeper

• The Classic High School Teacher • Season 1 • Episode 13

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Imagine a world where teens are empowered to harness their natural curiosity to fuel their learning and critical thinking. 

That's exactly what we're exploring in this episode as we unlock the secrets to fostering a questioning habit in young minds. 

Join me as I weave together insights from a refreshing summer break in New Zealand with research-backed strategies aimed at transforming how we engage with teenagers. 

Discover the impact of traditional education systems and fast-paced lifestyles on stifling curiosity, and learn how creating a nurturing environment for questions can enhance learning and memory retention. 

We dive into the art of questioning and uncover four powerful techniques inspired by Socratic methods that sharpen thinking and communication skills. 

From the importance of "why" and "what if" questions to the role of intellectual curiosity in lifelong learning, these tools are designed to help teens navigate complex reasoning and creative problem-solving. 

Embrace the challenge of engaging your teen's curiosity through thoughtful debates and flipping questions back on them. 

🧠 Final Thoughts for Parents

Helping your teen navigate misinformation doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. By teaching them how to question content rather than what to believe, you’re giving them a lifelong skill that will help them make informed, independent decisions.

💡 Remember: The best way to teach your teen is to fact-check together. Instead of saying, "That's fake news," try:

🗣️ "Let's investigate that claim together!"

This opens the door for critical thinking, respectful discussion, and curiosity.

🔗 Download your free copy now and start empowering your teen today!

📥 [ Download Guide Here]

And, as an added bonus, explore the Essay Clinic for additional support in developing writing and critical thinking skills. 

Transform your teen's world with the power of questions, and share your journey with us!

If you enjoyed today's episode, please take the time to rate our podcast. Your rating means the world to us and it allows us to continue to share and grow our message of support to other fabulous humans out there!

Confidence to Lead Academy is coming soon! This is THE subscription your teen needs to be on if they are shy, full of potential yet lack the confidence to explore it, or dream of having a life where they can learn how to step up and be heard, but just need that little extra nudge to do so. The Confidence to Lead Academy is all about giving your teen a voice that helps them speak up in class, push themselves out of their comfort zone and begin to develop real leadership skills that will help them long after school finishes. The waitlist has opened - learn more here!


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Speaker 1:

Well, hello. It is so good to have you join me on today's episode. I have come back from a massive, long summer holiday break with my family, with my children and, as we all know, as parents, the summer break can go on for a long time and I think that we have had an amazing summer here in the Southern Hemisphere, in New Zealand, my children, we have been able to travel around the South Island, we've been to Queenstown, we've been up to Golden Bay, we have had some lovely time in Christchurch with family, and I think it's just been a really, really good summer for us all to reset, because it's been a challenging couple of years. I think all parents will relate to this. 2024 was hard and I am very, very excited to see what 2025 is going to bring for all of our families out there listening. It is a new year and it is the dawn of something really exciting, because I have been busy working during the summer on a brand new course and I'm not going to reveal too much just yet because I'm going to keep it a surprise, but what I can tell you, or what I can hint at, is that this is going to be something that so many of my wonderful parent community has asked me to create that is not currently taught in schools but is so important to the welfare of our young people. So I'm not saying any more at this stage. You're just going to have to wait and see. But I am very excited about it and I know that you will be too. So stay tuned for some more news to be announced shortly. But anyway, today let's move on with the podcast.

Speaker 1:

If you are new to Challenge your Mind, change the World this is the podcast for parents who want to raise curious, thoughtful and confident teens who can hold their own in a world full of surface level thinking. I'm Francesca, and today we're going to talk about one of the most powerful tools you can give your teenager. It's the ability to ask great questions, but not just any questions. We're talking about the kind of questions that stretch the mind, challenge assumptions and lead lead to deeper understanding. Because, let's be honest, our world rewards fast answers. Google, ai, social media it's all designed to give instant responses. But where does that leave our kids? Are they just memorizing facts or are they learning how to think? Today, I'm going to show you how to nurture a question asking habit in your team that will make them not only more engaged in learning, but also more persuasive, more creative and let's face it, just more interesting to talk to. So if you're tired of hearing one word answers from your team or, in my, my tween, and if you want to get them thinking beyond the obvious and engaging in real conversations, this episode is for you.

Speaker 1:

We'll start with a question. We'll start with a question, and the question is this when was the last time your teen asked you a really good question, not just what's for dinner or can I have the car keys, but a question that made you stop and think? If you can't remember, you're not alone. Most kids start out as relentless question askers. If you've ever been around a four-year-old, for example, you know exactly what I mean. Why is the sky blue? Why do we have to sleep? Why can't I touch the stove? Why, why? Why? It's exhausting, right, but it's also proof of something incredible Kids are born curious.

Speaker 1:

They are natural philosophers, scientists and storytellers. Now I have a six-year-old boy and he is constantly asking questions, constantly. And it's right at the point where I'm trying to run an email, or I'm trying to get something done for work, I'm trying to meet a deadline, or I am cooking dinner or my mind is on something else and I really have to stop and pull myself in and think, no, this isn't annoying that my son is asking me all these questions. This is a good thing. He is nourishing his sense of curiosity. So I think that the question asking, as frustrating as it is in the early years, is a good thing, and obviously we're talking about teenagers here. But I want to give you a background to why question asking is so important in our youth and why does it stop? Because research confirms this innate curiosity. A 2018 study published in the journal Neuromage found that curiosity actually primes the brain for learning by activating the dopaminergic system, the same part of the brain responsible for motivation and reward. So, essentially, when kids are curious, their brains become more receptive to new information and learning becomes intrinsically rewarding. In another study from the University of California Davis found that curiosity enhances memory retention. When kids are interested in a topic, their brains absorb and store the information way more effectively far more effectively, even if it's unrelated to what initially sparked their curiosity. This means that when a child asks why do birds fly? And receives an engaging answer, they're more likely to retain not only that information, but also other knowledge learned in that moment. So if kids are biologically wired to be curious, why do so many of them stop asking questions Somewhere along the way that questioning habit fades?

Speaker 1:

Schools emphasize answers over questions. Tests, reward memorization over critical thinking. Social media gives them instant responses instead of forcing them to dig deeper. And, if we're being totally honest, sometimes we as parents unintentionally shut it down too. We're busy, we're tired. We give quick responses instead of inviting our children to explore further, and I have been a culprit of this in the past too. This is why I have to constantly keep checking myself and think no, this is a good thing that my boys are asking questions and are wanting to learn about the world.

Speaker 1:

Now, there are several key factors that contribute to this decline in curiosity, and the first one is the school system prioritizes answers over inquiry. In traditional education, particularly from late elementary school onwards, the focus shifts dramatically from exploration to performance. Dr Susan Engle, a developmental psychologist at Williams College, found that in a typical classroom, students ask an average of only two to five questions per hour. Two to five questions per hour, while teachers, on the other hand, ask over 60. That's a dramatic reversal from early childhood, with kids asked hundreds of questions a day. The shift happens because standardized tests prioritize right answers over thoughtful exploration, and students become conditioned to view education as a series of tasks to complete rather than a journey of discovery, and so this means that questioning is often seen as disruptive or slowing down the curriculum and, as a result, by the time kids reach their teenage years, many have learned to default to passive learning, waiting for the answers instead of actively seeking them.

Speaker 1:

Now, I was an English literature teacher at an all-boys school, and you can imagine when you're in class talking about a character's emotions in the story or the motivations. Why did the plot, why did the story develop in the way that it did? Asking boys that you are met with crickets, it's really hard to get them to answer, to raise up their hand and answer, and you know it's so. I really prioritized question asking in the classroom because it's one of the best ways to develop critical thinking skills, and I could see it slowly creeping in this instant gratification culture where we now have Google, ai and social media. It's a digital age that we live in, and curiosity often stops at the very first answer. The second question arises why do we dream? What's the capital of Portugal? The answer is just a Google search or a chat GPT query away. Now, while this convenience is incredible, it eliminates the process of thinking through a question, actually thinking, the process of thinking, making connections, informing hypotheses, before arriving at an answer.

Speaker 1:

Psychologists have found that struggle and effort are crucial parts of deep learning and, according to the desirable difficulty principle, which was coined by the cognitive psychologists Robert York and Elizabeth York, the learning is most effective when it requires effort. So interesting that learning is most effective when it requires effort. You think about anything that we do in life as adults. If it's hard, it's because we're learning something new. And when we allow our teens and our children to take the easy route, searching for quick answers without engaging in the thought process in other words, searching for quick answers without engaging in the thought process we actually rob them of the opportunity to build those deep cognitive skills. And this is compounded by social media's design, which rewards engagement over thoughtfulness. Platforms like TikTok, instagram and Snapchat deliver those short, dopamine boosting content, but it's conditioning the brain to crave that instant feedback rather than long-form inquiry.

Speaker 1:

And another major reason teens stop asking questions is the fear of judgment. This is a big one. Studies have found that between ages of 9 and 14, self-consciousness peaks. And my son is going through this right now my oldest son. So Dr Carol Dweck, who's renowned for her research on growth mindset, which we love at the classic high school teacher. A growth mindset explains that as children become more aware of their peer preconceptions, they start avoiding situations where they might appear ignorant or stupid. And in school, asking a question can feel like a risk what if it's deemed dumb? What if everyone already knows the answer? And a Harvard study on psychological safety found that in environments where students fear embarrassment, they ask fewer questions, they take fewer intellectual risks and they participate less. And the irony with this, the smartest people in the world are often the ones asking the most questions. But for many teens, protecting their social image becomes more important than curiosity.

Speaker 1:

At home, I am always encouraging my children to explore, and my children are growing up in a household where both parents are entrepreneurs. We've been self-employed for many, many, many, many years now, and so they know what it's like to take an idea from scratch, develop it, think it through from different angles and then apply that in the real world, to take those risks, to ask those questions, to find things challenging and work through them. And this is what I think is lacking to a certain extent in school is that we tend to wrap our students in cotton wool and have them very much. What's the word? It's almost like being institutionalized from an academic point of view of this is the curriculum, this is what we're learning, and we don't deviate from that, especially at high school level, because obviously you can't. You have exams to study for, you have criteria that you have to meet, and academic progress is measured through very rigorous measurement tools. So the idea for risk-taking and making it safe for students to take intellectual risks or to ask wide-ranging questions becomes eliminated.

Speaker 1:

So we need to look at what we can do at home, and you know, parental responses can shut down inquiry too, without even meaning to and I say this with love in my heart because I am a parent and I do this as well. But if we are being totally honest, sometimes we as parents unintentionally shut it down too. We're busy, we're tired, we give quick responses instead of inviting our children to explore further, and I know that most parents don't mean to discourage curiosity, but life gets hectic. We are also busy when your teen asks why do people believe in conspiracy theories or what's the meaning of life? It can feel overwhelming, especially when you're driving home at 5pm and stuck in rush hour traffic and you're tired and you're thinking about what you're going to cook for tea Like happened to me the other day with my son and so we're often tempted to give a short, conclusive answer or redirect the conversation to something more practical, but every time we do this, we send a subtle message Some questions aren't worth exploring. No, we want to encourage these type of questions.

Speaker 1:

According to Dr Todd Kashtan, who's the author of the book, curious curiosity thrives in environments where inquiry is encouraged and rewarded, and it doesn't mean we need to have all the answers as parents or as adults. It just means we need to create space for the conversation. So what do we do about it? How do we reignite our children's curiosity, our teenagers' curiosity, and get them to engage in deeper thinking? That's exactly what we're going to explore in the next segment.

Speaker 1:

We're going to talk about how to flip the script and start fostering curiosity again by using simple, powerful techniques that work in everyday conversations, because, at the end of the day, asking great questions isn't just about academic success. It's about raising kids who know how to think, and I have some good news for you. The ability to ask great questions is like a muscle it can be strengthened and you, as a parent, are in the best position to help your teen develop it. Curiosity isn't something you either have or don't have. It's a skill and, like any skill, it gets stronger with practice. Don't have it's a skill and like any skill, it gets stronger with practice.

Speaker 1:

Research in cognitive science has shown that the brain thrives on questions and when we engage in inquiry, prefrontal cortex the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking and decision making becomes more active. Neuroimaging studies I love this. I geek out on neuroimaging studies, but I'll give you an example. So neuroimaging studies have also revealed that curiosity triggers the hippocampus, the brain's learning and memory center, meaning that asking good questions doesn't just help us think. It actually helps us remember and retain information better.

Speaker 1:

So if you want your teen to be a sharper thinker or a better communicator and more engaged in their learning, it all starts with fostering the right kind of questions, and here are four simple, science-backed strategies to get you started. So strategy one is answer with a question. This is my favorite one. I do this all the time at home with my boys and instead of just giving your team an answer, throw the question back at them. If they ask why do I have to study history? Don't launch into a lecture. Instead, say that's a great question, why do you think history is important? This technique is known as Socratic questioning, a method dating back to the Greek philosopher, socrates, and, fun fact, I also have a classics degree, but that's another conversation for another day. So Socrates, the Greek philosopher, believed that learning happens best when students are guided to think critically rather than just being given the information right.

Speaker 1:

And Harvard study on active learning active learning, that's another key phrase that we are very big at here at the classic high school teacher. So a Harvard study on active learning found that when students are encouraged to generate their own explanations, their attention improves significantly, and this is because self-explanation forces the brain to work harder, making the learning experience more meaningful. So by flipping the question back to your child or to your teenager, you're encouraging your teen to firstly engage in metacognition, which is thinking about their own thinking, and then you're encouraging your teen to think about their own thinking. You're encouraging your teen to challenge their assumptions and develop more nuanced opinions things are not always black and white and you're also encouraging them to become independent thinkers rather than the passive learners that they're slipping into at this age. So try it today.

Speaker 1:

The next time your teen asks a question, resist the urge to answer right away. Instead, guide them to find their own reasoning first. Now my second strategy is teach the power of why and what if. So there are two types of questions that lead to deeper thinking why and what if and I would highly encourage your team to use both Now. Neuroscientists have discovered that asking why questions activates the prefrontal cortex, which is the same area responsible for complex reasoning and problem solving. So when teens regularly engage in why-based reasoning, they become better at distinguishing cause and effect, which is crucial for subjects like science, philosophy and even real-world decision-making. And similarly, what-if questions activate creative problem-solving pathways in the brain. I love all this neurological information I just geek out on, but they do. They activate creative problem-solving pathways in the brain, encouraging lateral thinking, which is the ability to connect seemingly unrelated ideas to generate new insights. It's like a chat GPT built into your brain by doing this, and here's how to use this in everyday conversations.

Speaker 1:

If your child or teen says I hate math. Don't just sympathize with them. Push them deeper. Ask why do you think math is so difficult for you? Or if they say I don't think climate change is real, ask what if you had to defend the opposite position in a debate? Now this method forces them to go beyond surface level thinking and engage in real intellectual inquiry, and a fascinating Stanford study on cognitive flexibility found that students who were encouraged to take multiple perspectives on an issue performed better on problem-solving tasks and demonstrated higher levels of creativity and adaptability. So these kinds of questions aren't just about fostering curiosity. They're also helping our children and our teens develop essential life skills. So the next time your teen makes a sweeping statement which they love to do don't let them stop there. Help them push further with a why or a what. If I challenge you to do that Now, my third strategy is we want to model intellectual curiosity.

Speaker 1:

Our kids learn how to think by watching how we think. So one of the best things that you can do as a parent or as a caregiver or as a mentor, an adult, is to model curiosity in your own life. Ask big questions out loud, even if you don't have the answers. I wonder why humans dream. I wonder how different our world would be if the internet didn't exist. Those kind of big questions.

Speaker 1:

There's a fascinating study from Yale University that found children are more likely to adopt curiosity-driven behaviors when they see adults modeling curiosity in everyday life. In other words, if your teen never sees you questioning things, they'll assume it's not important. And I like to do this. When I'm in the car with my kids, when we're driving somewhere and, as I say, we're stuck in traffic or it's taking quite long to get there, I often will say the questions out loud just to see what the reaction is from my kids or what they'll say in reply. And it's quite interesting sometimes what they're reasoning, the way that they rationalize life. So this is why intellectual humility, which is the ability to admit we don't know something, is such a powerful parenting tool. Studies have found that when parents say things like that's a great question, I don't know the answer, but let's find out together, kids actually become more engaged in the learning process because they see that curiosity is a lifelong pursuit. It's not something that ends with school. Try it yourself Next time your teen asks a question you don't know the answer to. Don't just Google it. Discuss it first, what are some possible explanations? How could you test them? By doing this, you're teaching your teen that curiosity isn't about instant answers, it's about the process of discovery.

Speaker 1:

Now my fourth strategy is to encourage debate, but we want to do it in a fun way. We don't want it to feel like it's an academic exercise. We want to make it cool and we know that many teens love to argue and, instead of shutting it down, channel that energy into thoughtful debate. Next time your child or your teen has a strong opinion on something whether it's a movie, a school rule or a social issue, opinion on something, whether it's a movie, a school rule or a social issue ask them to defend their position. What evidence do you have for that? What would someone on the other side of this argument say? How do you know you're right?

Speaker 1:

Now, this technique builds argumentation skills which have been shown to improve critical thinking, problem solving and even emotional intelligence, and a 2019 study from the University of Michigan found that students who engaged in structured debate improved in three key areas. They improved in analytical reasoning, so breaking down complex ideas into logical components. They improved in perspective taking, so that's, understanding opposing viewpoints the opposite side of you. And they improved in verbal articulation, so that's expressing ideas clearly and persuasively, and these three techniques are so important in this day and age. There are so many polar opposites of opinions and things in life. This day and age, there are so many polar opposites of opinions and things on life, and we want our teens to grow up as intelligent, thoughtful humans that can really contribute to the global debate. So how do you apply this at home?

Speaker 1:

If your child says school is pointless, don't just disagree, challenge them on it. You could say what's your argument? Can you defend that position in a debate? Or if they say this politician is terrible, ask them well, what are three policies that they support that you disagree with? Because debate forces teens to engage beyond the knee. Jerk reactions and social media soundbites that they're picking up and absorbing, but they don't actually have an opinion on themselves. They're just following the crowd. So it helps our children to form independent opinions, to think critically and to develop those persuasive skills, all of which are crucial for their future careers and their relationships.

Speaker 1:

So try it at the dinner table. Pick, pick a fun, lighthearted topic like are video games good for your brain or should pineapple be on pizza? It's a big debate in our house and let them defend their stance. You will be surprised at how engaged they become. So these strategies answering with a question, using why and what if, modeling curiosity and encouraging debate are simple, but they had profound effects on your teen's ability to think critically and independently. And if you start implementing even one of these today, you'll begin to see a shift in how your teen engages with ideas, challenges assumptions and develops intellectual confidence. And remember your goal isn't to turn them into a walking encyclopedia. And remember your goal isn't to turn them into a walking encyclopedia. It's to help them become thoughtful, curious and articulate individuals who know how to think for themselves.

Speaker 1:

So why does all this matter? Why should we, as parents, make the effort to teach our teens how to ask better questions? Well, it's because the ability to ask great questions is one of the most powerful skills a person can have. It leads to innovation, it drives problem solving, it makes people better leaders, better thinkers and better communicators. And in a world where AI and automation are taking over many jobs, the people who can think critically will always be in demand. Jobs the people who can think critically will always be in demand. Now, the World Economic Forum's Future of Jobs report consistently ranks critical thinking, problem solving and creativity as the most valuable job skills for the coming decades. It's incredible. These aren't skills you can memorize from a textbook. They are developed through curiosity, questioning and deep thinking.

Speaker 1:

As AI and automation replace routine tasks, employers are increasingly looking for individuals who can think beyond surface level answers. Ai can generate data, but it can't ask new, groundbreaking questions, so employers are looking for those think outside the box type of questions. Employers are looking for challenging existing systems. So many of today's most successful entrepreneurs and leaders didn't just accept the world as it was. They asked I love this question how can this be done differently? It's taking those intellectual risks that we talked about earlier, so we want to encourage our children from an early age to be able to start thinking along these lines. And finally, in this World Economic Forum's Future of Jobs report, they found that employers are increasingly looking for individuals who can communicate complex ideas clearly. So leaders and change makers aren't the ones who simply know information. They're the ones who can frame problems in new ways and rally others around innovative solutions. You want to know one of the best examples Now.

Speaker 1:

Whether you agree with his politics or not, elon Musk's first principles thinking means he doesn't just accept common assumptions about how things are done. He breaks them down into fundamental truths and rebuilds ideas from the ground up. Now that kind of thinking starts with curiosity-driven questioning. So when we encourage our teens to ask better questions, we're future-proofing them. We're giving them an advantage in a world that values thinkers, not memorizers. But this isn't just about career readiness.

Speaker 1:

The ability to ask great questions has a profound impact on mental well-being, resilience and personal growth. Back to my study from the University of Michigan. I found that people who engage in frequent, open-ended questioning tend to have higher emotional intelligence. They understand perspectives better and navigate social interactions far more effectively. They have greater resilience, so they're better at handling uncertainty because they explore multiple solutions to problems instead of seeing setbacks as dead ends. And they also have a stronger sense of identity, so they challenge societal expectations and make far more intentional decisions about their futures. So teens who develop self-reflective questioning skills, asking things like what does success mean to me or why do I believe this Are so much more likely to have a clearer sense of purpose and stronger decision making abilities. This is why some of the most successful individuals in history Albert Einstein, murray Curie, leonardo da Vinci were relentless questioners. Their achievements weren't based on what they knew, but on what they wanted to know. But even beyond that, teaching your teen to ask great questions does something even more important it strengthens your relationship with them. It shows them that their thoughts matter, that their opinions are worth exploring and that their curiosity is something to be encouraged, not shut down.

Speaker 1:

Let's be honest connecting with teenagers can be hard. They start pulling away, getting lost in their own worlds, and sometimes it feels like every conversation is a battle. I taught teens for 10 years. I had five classes of 30 kids every single year for 10 years, year in, year out. Those conversations can be hard. But here's the game changer when you engage your teen in deep, meaningful conversations, you're building trust. You're showing them that you're not just an authority figure, you're a thinking partner.

Speaker 1:

Research from Dr Lisa Damoa love her as psychologist specializing in adolescent development suggests that teens who feel like their ideas and perspectives are valued at home develop higher self-esteem and are more likely to engage in open conversations with their parents. So this means that something as simple as answering a question with another question, or encouraging debate or modeling curiosity can actually help strengthen your relationship with your teen then talk about. Talk about universal appeal with questioning. Think about it. When was the last time you asked your teen a question that made them stop and think, not just about their grades or their chores or social life, but about who they are, what they value and how do they see the world? Instead of asking did you finish your homework? You could try what's something you learned today that surprised you? Or if you could change one rule at school, what would it be and why? Or what's the question you wish adults asked you more often?

Speaker 1:

These kind of questions don't just keep your teen thinking, they keep your connection with them alive, because at the end of the day, our goal as parents isn't just to raise kids who get good grades. It's to raise kids who know how to think. And this is the heart of everything that we do at the Classic High School Teacher, because when they step out into the real world, they won't be judged by how many facts they memorized in high school. They'll be judged by how well they solve problems, they adapt to challenges, they lead conversations, they think beyond the obvious, and that all starts with curiosity. So if there's one thing I hope you take away from this episode. It's this. The best gift you can give your team isn't all the answers, it's the ability to ask better questions.

Speaker 1:

Now, before we wrap up, here's my challenge for you Over the next week, try incorporating at least one of the strategies that we discussed today, whether it's flipping a question back on your teen, or modeling intellectual curiosity, or encouraging debate. Pick one and see how your teen responds. And if you try it, I'd love to hear about it. Send me a message or leave a comment and let me know what happened when you shifted the way that you engage with your teen's curiosity. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to Challenge your Mind, change the World, so you never miss another deep dive into the art of thinking, learning and raising thoughtful teens. And if you're looking for more ways to help your teen develop stronger thinking and writing skills, check out the Essay Clinic. It's my signature online program designed to help teens master the art of writing and critical thinking and literary essay writing. So thanks for listening and remember asking the right questions can change the world. See you next time. Bye, for now.

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