Challenge Your Mind, Change The World
A Parent's Portal to Learn How to Develop Critical Thinking Skills at Home, Communication Strategies & How Young People Can Find Their Voice - collated from years of experience of a high school teacher.
Welcome to "Challenge Your Mind, Change the World" a podcast specifically designed for parents who are eager to foster a culture of critical thinking and academic excellence within their home. Hosted by The Classic High School Teacher, a seasoned English Literature, Drama, Social Studies and Ancient History teacher and a distinguished writer of teaching resources with over 20 years experience, as well as extensive experience in the business world, this podcast aims to bridge the gap between parental support, academic success and life beyond school for our next generation.
In today’s rapidly changing educational and business landscapes, the ability to think critically is not just a skill but a necessity for academic achievement and beyond. Each episode of our podcast delves into practical strategies, insightful discussions, and actionable advice on how parents can effectively encourage and nurture critical thinking skills in their teenagers as well as learning how to balance life out of school, and well being.
We focus on simplifying complex theories of critical thinking into manageable lessons that can be easily integrated into daily academic support, as well as other pressures currently facing teenagers and their families.
By listening to our podcast, you will discover:
- Expert techniques to enhance critical thinking and problem-solving skills in teenagers.
- Engaging methods to inspire a love for learning and intellectual curiosity.
- Tips for fostering effective communication and argumentation skills for academic essays and discussions.
- Real-world applications of critical thinking skills for academic success and lifelong learning.
- Preparation for life beyond High School
Join us on this journey to empower your teenager to excel both socially and personally by mastering the art of critical thinking. Together, we can lay a solid foundation for their success, not just in school, but in life.
Challenge Your Mind, Change The World
Shrinking Worlds and Growing Brains: Why Your Teen Keeps Saying "I Can't"
Have you noticed your once-confident teen suddenly hesitating or avoiding challenges altogether? You're not alone—and it's not just a phase.
Welcome to the avoidance cycle, a neurological pattern quietly reshaping how teenagers approach life's challenges.
In this deep dive into teen psychology and neuroscience, we explore why avoidance feels so rewarding to the teenage brain yet simultaneously shrinks confidence over time.
When teens repeatedly step back from challenges, they're not just dodging discomfort—they're physically rewiring their neural pathways, strengthening circuits for fear while weakening those for resilience.
The science is clear: every avoided challenge reinforces the belief "I can't handle this," creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that follows teens into adulthood.
But there's hope. Drawing from cutting-edge research in neuroplasticity, I share three powerful strategies parents can implement immediately: the 10-second rule that bypasses anticipatory anxiety, reframing failure as valuable data collection, and rewarding brave attempts rather than just successful outcomes.
Through real-world examples like Mia, a talented drama student paralyzed by fear until she tackled challenges in micro-steps, we see how even deeply entrenched avoidance patterns can transform into courage through intentional action.
The key insight? Confidence isn't something teens are born with—it's something they build through repeated brave actions, no matter how small.
Your teen doesn't need to feel ready to start; they just need to start to build readiness.
Share this episode with another parent witnessing their teen's world growing smaller through avoidance, and subscribe for more science-backed strategies that help teens challenge their minds to change their world.
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Hey there and welcome back to Challenge your Mind, change the World. I'm Francesca Hudson, and today we're tackling something that's quietly shaping the way our teens navigate life. I like to call it the avoidance cycle, and we see this as educators and we see this as parents. Now, this is something that I see all the time, whether it's in the classroom, in coaching or even in conversations with parents who say I don't get it. My teen used to be so confident and now they hesitate over everything. And I get it. We live in a world where stress is really high and expectations are overwhelming and, let's be honest, avoidance feels like the easiest solution. When something feels uncomfortable or risky, their natural instinct is to pull back, to step away and say maybe later or I just can't. But here is the kicker Every time a teen avoids a challenge, they're not just dodging discomfort, they're shrinking their confidence, and the more they do it, the harder it is to break the cycle. And it starts small. They skip answering a question in class, then they stop trying new things and then suddenly their world gets smaller and smaller, and before you know it, they're not just avoiding hard things, they're avoiding growth, and that's what we're going to look into today. Why does this happen? What does science say about it and, most importantly, what can you do as a parent to help them break free? Because here's the truth confidence isn't something you either have or you don't. It's built through action. And today I'm going to show you exactly how to help your teen step out of avoidance and into growth. So if you've ever watched your teen hesitate, second guess themselves or, flat heart, refuse to engage with a challenge, this episode is for you.
Speaker 1:Let's get into it. All right, let's start with the basics. Avoidance is a natural human response to discomfort. Right, it's wired into us. The brain's job at its core is to keep us safe, and when something feels risky or uncertain or outside our comfort zone, the brain hits the panic button, it whispers this is too much, you might fail. What if you look stupid? And before we know it, our body listens, our heart races, our stomach knots up and suddenly avoidance doesn't just feel like a choice, it feels like the only option. This is human nature.
Speaker 1:Now here's where it gets tricky with teens. Their brains are still developing, specifically the prefrontal cortex, which is the part responsible for logical reasoning, problem solving and for managing emotions. So when a challenge presents itself, whether it's raising their hand in class or trying out for a team or tackling a difficult subject, their emotional brain, which is called the amygdala, often overrides their rational brain and in that moment, avoiding the challenge actually feels like a huge relief to them or to any of us. And that's where the cycle begins. So let me just break it down for you, this avoidance cycle, how it works, because this cycle is sneaky and it's happening in millions of homes right now.
Speaker 1:So the first step in the avoidance cycle is that a challenge appears, so maybe it's a big science project or a group presentation, or even something as simple as asking for help. And then step two in the cycle, your team begins to feel anxious. Their thoughts begin to spiral what if I mess up? What if people judge me? What if I don't know what to say? And then step three in the avoidance cycle is that they choose to avoid. Instead of facing discomfort, they take the easy way out. They don't sign up, they forget about the assignment, they procrastinate, they come up with excuses. And then step four is that instant relief that they get.
Speaker 1:The brain rewards avoidance because in the short term it works. The anxiety disappears, kill, crisis averted. But then, step five, confidence takes a hit. Every avoided challenge reinforces the belief I can't do this, I'm not capable, I'm not enough. And the next time a challenge comes up, well, the cycle repeats. Only now your teen is even less sure of themselves.
Speaker 1:Does this sound familiar to you at home? This is why I tell parents avoidance isn't just a behavior, it's a shrinking of self-belief. And if we don't step in, teenagers and our children don't just avoid schoolwork or social situations. They start avoiding opportunities, they stop applying for leadership roles, they don't try new things, they retreat from challenges instead of rising to them. Their world becomes smaller and smaller, and that is a heartbreaking thing to watch. So let's look at the science behind it. Why avoidance weakens the brain? Because I want to let you in on something that I find really fascinating. This isn't just emotional, it's neurological.
Speaker 1:Research from Stanford University shows that when teens repeatedly avoid challenges, the neural pathways responsible for resilience and problem solving begin to weaken. Think of the brain like a muscle If you stop using it in a certain way, it shrinks, and brain scans reveal that teens who avoid challenges have reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for decision making and logical thinking. Meanwhile their amygdala, the part responsible for fear and anxiety becomes more dominant. In simple terms, this means that the more they avoid, the more anxiety takes control. And what's even more fascinating, the brain actually rewards avoidance by releasing dopamine, which we've all heard of, the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure. So every time a teen dodges a difficult situation, they feel that brief reward of relief.
Speaker 1:But here's the dangerous part in all of this that relief is addictive. Every time they avoid, their brain learns. Avoiding feels good, avoiding is safe. Let's do that again. And just like that, a pattern is reinforced. That's why avoidance isn't just a phrase. It's a rewiring of the brain, and if we don't interrupt the cycle, teens risk carrying these patterns into adulthood, where avoidance turns into missed career opportunities, unfulfilled potential and self-doubt that never really goes away. So what can we do about this at home? What can we do about this as parents and as educators? Well, I've got some good news for you. The brain is just as capable of reinforcing courage as it is avoidance. When children and teens take even small, brave steps, they activate their prefrontal cortex, they rewire their neural pathways and literally build confidence from the inside out. Isn't that cool? And in just a minute I'm going to share exactly how you, as a parent, can help your teen retrain their brain and break out of that avoidance cycle that they might be going through and step into courage instead of fear. Stay with me. This is where it gets powerful.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you about Mia. I'm going to change your name for privacy reasons, but we'll call her Mia, and Mia was one of the most expressive, creative and passionate students that I had ever seen in drama class. I used to be a drama teacher. I taught drama as well as English literature and history for many, many years, and so I would come across all different types of students in the drama world at high school, and Mia really stood out. She loved acting, she devoured scripts, she studied scenes in her free time and she could recite monologues from memory, and she was the kind of student that you just knew was going to be destined for the stage. But there was one problem Mia refused to audition for the school play, so every time signups came around, she had an excuse Too busy, I'm not ready, I'll probably miss out. But when I pulled her aside and I really talked to her, she finally admitted the truth. She said she felt like she wasn't good enough, that she would embarrass herself and that everybody would just see that she was a fraud.
Speaker 1:Now here's where it gets interesting, because this wasn't just about acting. I started noticing that Mia wasn't just avoiding auditions, she was avoiding everything. The next year, she stopped speaking up in class, she wouldn't volunteer for group presentations and she turned down a leadership role she was personally personally nominated for, and by the time she was in her third year, she had completely convinced herself that she just wasn't a confident person. Now, pause for a second here, because this is how avoidance works the more we avoid, the more we believe we can't handle challenges, and once that belief takes hold, it spreads like wildfire. So back to Mia.
Speaker 1:What did I do as the teacher? Well, instead of pushing Mia straight into a high stakes audition, which would trigger all her fears, I took a different approach. We started small, so I encouraged her to practice a single line from the script in front of just one person Yep, just one person. Then she repeated the line in front of three people when she was confident, and then she performed the same line in front of her drama teacher. So we've gone from one person to three people, to a grown-up, her teacher, slightly more intimidating.
Speaker 1:And then she auditioned for a minor role, not the lead, not even a big speaking part, just something to get her back into the game. And every step was designed to stretch her comfort zone without overwhelming her nervous system. And guess what? By the time the next play came around, mia wasn't just auditioning, she was landing the lead role. Yes, go, mia, I'm so proud.
Speaker 1:So what changed? Well, mia didn't magically become confident overnight. She didn't wake up one day suddenly fearless. What happened was far more powerful. She stopped letting avoidance run the show and started proving to herself that she could handle discomfort Ah, key word there discomfort. And instead of waiting for confidence to come first, she acted first and confidence followed.
Speaker 1:And this is what I tell parents all the time Confidence isn't something teens abhor with. It's something that they build, and the only way to build it is through action. Now imagine if I had just told Mia oh, come on, just go for it, you'll be fine. That would have been useless. Useless why? Because her brain was stuck in an avoidance loop and what broke the cycle was gradual exposure. And that's exactly how you can, as parents at home, help your teens step out of avoidance and into confidence.
Speaker 1:I would suggest not to push them into the deep end right away and help your kids to take micro steps towards the challenge. What's the smallest, least intimidating? Help your kids to take micro steps towards the challenge. What's the smallest, least intimidating step that they can take? And start there. Then you can turn courage into a habit. Help your kids build confidence through action rather than waiting for it to just magically appear, and then you can reinforce their efforts, not just the outcome. So instead of saying great job, getting the lead, you could say instead I love that you showed up and gave it a shot. That way, your children and your teens confidence doesn't just depend on success. It depends on their willingness to try. And here's the big idea I want you to walk away with today at the end of this episode.
Speaker 1:Avoidance doesn't just protect teens from failure, it also steals their chance to grow. Every time they avoid, their confidence shrinks. But every time they take action, no matter how small, they're proving to themselves that they can handle challenges. And once they start proving that to themselves, everything changes. So now that we understand how avoidance shrinks confidence, let's talk about the most important part how to break the cycle. And if your teen is stuck in avoidance mode. It's not enough to just say be more confident or just do it. If only it was that easy, right. Instead, we need to work with the brain, not against it.
Speaker 1:This is where I get into my real passion neuroscience, and here are three powerful research-backed strategies to help your teen or your child, is to help your teen to step out of avoidance and into action. So the first one is the use the 10 second rule. Have you ever noticed that the anticipation of doing something is often worse than actually doing it? It's like going to the gym Just get in the car and go to the gym. You don't have to do the workout, just get there. And then, when you're there, you're like well, I'm here, now I might as well start working out. It's kind of the same thing for teens and for kids.
Speaker 1:But if we go back to the science for a minute, anxiety researcher Dr Lisa DeMoor explains that most avoidance comes from anticipatory fear, meaning the brain overestimates how difficult or uncomfortable a task is going to be. But here's the trick If a teen can start within 10 seconds, the brain stops panicking. Amazing, how cool is that? Why do you think this works? Well, I'll tell you. Once we begin an action, our brain shifts from fear mode to task mode and it stops obsessing over worst case scenarios and actually focuses on the next step. So the next time your teen is avoiding something, whether it's starting homework or making a phone call or walking into a room, say just try it for 10 seconds, that's it, just 10 seconds. No pressure to finish, no commitment to doing the whole thing, just 10 seconds. So, for example, if your teen refuses to start their homework, you could say look, I don't need you to do the whole thing, just open the book and read the first question for 10 seconds. Once they start, the brain stops resisting and in most cases, they keep going. I'm not going to guarantee it's in 100% of cases we know teenagers but in most cases they keep going past that 10 second mark.
Speaker 1:Okay, my second research backed strategy is reframe failure as data collection. Now, what do I mean by that? Most teens avoid challenges because they're afraid of failing. But here's the game changer. What if we removed failure from the equation all together? Instead of asking did you succeed or fail, start asking what did you learn? What's one thing you do differently next time.
Speaker 1:Now, why does this work? Well, because by treating failure as data collection instead of just a personality identity, we strip away the shame that keeps our children and our teens stuck in avoidance. When they no longer see mistakes as proof they're not good enough, but as feedback that helps them grow, they stop being afraid to try. So, for example, let's say your teen stumbles through a speech in class and is embarrassed, instead of saying it's okay, you'll do better next time. You could try this. Okay, what's one thing you learned from that and what would you tweak next time? Now, instead of avoidance, their brain shifts into that problem-solving mode that we want them to get into. I'll give you a real-world case study to back this up. So, in a study on a growth mindset by Dr Carol Dweck, students who were taught to see failure as feedback showed higher motivation. They showed better performance and a greater willingness to try to take risks. So the takeaway in all of this failure isn't the enemy, fear of failure is, and when we reframe failure, we take away its power.
Speaker 1:Now my third strategy is to reward brave attempts, not just success. Now, what I mean by this is most parents say these things that I'm about to say without realizing it. They say and I'm guilty of this too. We all do it. Great job winning the debate. Or I'm so proud of you for acing that test.
Speaker 1:Now, these kinds of comments seem harmless right, but here's the issue with them. When we only praise success, our kids start believing that their worth is tied to the outcome. And what happens when they're not sure that they can succeed? They avoid it because to them the risk of failure feels too high. So there's a fix to this, and it's to praise the effort, not just the outcome.
Speaker 1:Instead of saying great job winning the debate, you could say saw you push yourself today. That took guts. You could say before you pushed yourself today, that took guts. Or instead of saying I'm so proud of your A on the test, you could say I love how hard you studied for this. That kind of effort will take you so far. Now why does this work? Well, it shifts our kids' focus from perfection to progress. It teaches them that effort is what builds success, not natural talent. And it builds intrinsic motivation, meaning that our kids will take on challenges for themselves, not just for external validation. And here's my bonus tip for you At the dinner table tonight, you could try asking what's one thing you did today that was outside of your comfort zone. I love this. I do this all the time at home with my kids, and we really celebrate that, because that's how confidence is built. And if there's one thing I want you to take away from today, it's this.
Speaker 1:Confidence isn't something that teens are born with. It's something they build. And how do they build it? By doing hard things, even when they don't feel ready. Every time they take action, they are literally rewiring your brain for courage. So the next time your teen hesitates, remind them.
Speaker 1:Avoidance shrinks confidence, but action, any action makes it grow. You've got this, and so do they. And here's what's truly incredible the brain can rewire itself at any time. Every time your teen takes on a challenge, even a small one, they're physically reshaping their brain with courage. That's not just feel-good advice, that's science, neuroplasticity, research, neuropathicity I can't say it today.
Speaker 1:Neuropathicity research shows that the more we engage in a behavior, the stronger those neural pathways become. When teens repeatedly step into discomfort, when they raise their hand at school or they speak up or they push through a tough moment, their brain strengthens the circuits responsible for bravery. And the best, best part, it works both ways. Avoidance shrinks confidence, but action any action makes it grow. So the next time your teen hesitates, remind them you don't have to feel ready, you just have to start, because confidence doesn't come from waiting, it comes from doing All right.
Speaker 1:Well, that's it for today. If this episode really spoke to you, my friend, send it to another parent who needs to hear it. Let's help more teens step out of there and into their full potential. And hey, if you haven't already hit that subscribe button, because every week we're diving into more science-backed, real-world strategies to help your teen challenge their mind so they can change their world. Until next time, my friend, keep pushing boundaries, keep believing in growth and keep taking action, because the best way to build confidence isn't to wait for it, it's to create it. Bye for now.
