The AfterMeth: Gay Men Recovering from Crystal Methamphetamine and Chemsex Addiction
Vision:
To eradicate crystal meth addiction and chemsex misuse, especially among the gay male population.
Mission:
Using the power of social media, The AfterMeth will increase awareness around the characteristics and effects of crystal meth and chemsex on the community of men who have sex with men, provide stories of hope to inspire struggling users and produce a repository of tools to be used by the loved ones of men who want to break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex.
Join Dallas Bragg every other week. You can find The AfterMeth Podcast anywhere you listen to your favorite podcasts. Find answers to:
How can I stop relapsing? How can I heal my addiction? How does crystal meth addiction affect gay men? How can I get sober?
In this solo episode, Dallas Bragg tackles a question most men in chemsex recovery answer too quickly: "Who's on my team?" The opposite of addiction may be connection, but shame around meth, GHB, or mephedrone keeps men from asking for help — and even when they do, what they usually get is "I'm here if you need me," which Dallas calls about as useful as a fart in the wind at eleven o'clock on a Friday night. Loving someone is a feeling; a team is a function. He reframes recovery as running a business, with the listener as founder and the people around them as staff who get hired, trained, reviewed, and sometimes let go. It sounds cold, he admits, but the cost of a bad quarter here is your life, and the founder mindset — checking the calendar, deciding on Monday what Saturday night will look like — is exactly what separates the men who make this work.
The second half lays out the job description. Team members need specifics: named danger zones (payday, Friday after nine, the week in November when mom died), instructions to call rather than text because texting lets you perform, and pointed questions like "Have you found yourself on Grindr today?" that a vague "fine" can't slide past. Dallas urges listeners to define a "level two" escalation in advance — someone comes to take your phone or stay with you, not just a pep talk — because euphoric recall will never hand you the exit on its own. He covers training your team like a 90-day probationary hire, casting by strength (the nosy straight-woman friend who won't apologize for invading your privacy belongs on the front line, the soft enabler does not), cross-training for coverage, temporary scaffolding like view-only bank access or phone monitoring, and giving honest performance reviews, including letting go of anyone who flakes and teaches your brain the system has holes. His closing message is that authority over your recovery is a birthright, not something earned by consecutive meth-free days: you're not asking for help, you're staffing an operation. A supplemental study guide is linked in the show notes.
Chemsex. Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others. Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast. Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering. Alright, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast and the solo episode. Don't forget there is a supplemental study guide that goes along with every episode. The link is in the show notes. Please remember to like, subscribe, and rate the podcast so we can get the algorithm to place it in the ears and eyes of those who need it. All right, so today we are talking about your team. How to build your chemsex recovery team and how important this is. Look, we cannot do this alone. You cannot do this alone. Connecting with your team and sharing the load, having other people really reach in, hold you up, and help you through it is the best way to do this. The only way to do this, really. But what I see is because it's chemsex, because it's meth or methadrone or monkey dust or DHB or whatever, there's shame around it. And when there's shame around that, then we're afraid to ask for help often. Or we're afraid to tell our friends, we're afraid to tell our family, our partner, whoever. And we don't ask for help. So I want to be very clear about this today. About what to do and how to step into your power around who is on your recovery team and specifically what they what their role is. This is the key here that we're going to talk about here today. If you are continuing to relapse, if you are taking it all on your own, if you feel like you're a piece of shit because you only have 30 consecutive meth-free days and that you don't deserve help, and you don't deserve people to go out of their way to help you, to support you. We gotta get rid of that.
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We gotta get past that powerlessness belief and step up, take control and make this happen.
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So I want to ask yourself, or want you to ask yourself right now, without really thinking about it. Okay, who's on my team? Now, if you had to really pause there, this one is for you. Or as you're listening, you may have a team that came to mind. But I want you to really think about are they truly serving you in the best way possible? Are you utilizing them the best way possible? Could this be the missing link for your recovery? So, you know, most men can name people who love them. That is not the same thing here. Loving is a feeling, right? A team is an actual function. This, I'm here if you need me, quote unquote, if you're not if you're not watching me, I'm doing the air signs. It's a beautiful sentiment. Here's my phone number, I'm here if you need me. That is not a role. There's no job attached to it, there's no commitment attached to it, there's no specificity attached to it. Nobody knows what to do with that. Including you and probably including them. And if it's 11 o'clock on a Friday night, when your chest is tight and you're shaking, and the phone is in your hand, well, I'm here if you need me.
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Does about as good as a fart in the wind.
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Okay? You already run a business if you are in chemisex recovery. And if you're not, I want you to think about your chemisex recovery as you are the founder and you are an entrepreneur running a business. Here is what I've noticed about the men who really do make this work. They're looking at their calendar. They're quote unquote making projections, they're planning ahead. Nothing gets ahead of them, right? They're structuring their days, they have a calendar. They're staying ahead of open hours that could lead them to using. They're deciding on Monday what Saturday night is going to look like. That's that entrepreneurship attitude we need with chemsex recovery. You're running an operation. And the cost of a bad quarter could be your life, right? So let's overlay that into chemsex recovery. If you're the founder, then the people around you aren't well-wishers saying, I'm here if you need me. These people are your staff. And staff get hired, they get trained, they get reviewed, and sometimes they get let go. And I know how that sounds. My friends, my family, they're not staff. It sounds really cold. Or the men in the rooms that I go to, my support group. That's cold to talk about your best friend like an employee, but I want you to stay with me on this. It's too important. Right? Write the job description for your team. Chemsex recovery, chemsex in its very nature, is specific. Has it I'm so sorry, has its own architecture. Gazumite, bless me. Sex and the drug, right? They get wired right in the same pathway as we know. Shame lives in your body. Shame you to say you do meth is so much different than to say I have a drinking problem, right? And that reward loop, that's dopamine stacked in your brain, reopens faster than anybody believes until it's happening to them. Somebody who has never been near this, who has never participated in chemsex, who has no idea besides what they saw on Breaking Bad or something on television, they cannot know what it's like. So you have to train them. You have to share with your team, these are my danger zones. Not well, sometimes I'm sh when I'm struggling, can you be there for me? No. You need to be specific. Friday afternoon, payday, Sunday and Monday I'm off together. When I travel, that week in November when mom died, Sunday afternoons. I have something coming up at work, a big presentation, I'm going to dive after that. That's my danger zone. You need to be specific. And how they contact you. Call me. Do not text me and tell them why. Texting lets me perform. I can get away without texting you. But my voice and my image can give me away. And then you want to be specific about the questions that they need to ask, not, hey, you doing okay? A yes or no question is not going to suffice in chemisex recovery. If somebody asks how you're doing, you're going to say fine every time. A vague question, especially if you're having, if your brain is in that reward loop and you're having youth work recall, you're not going to stop and say, you're not going to stop and explain it because your brain is trying to convince you to use. So you're going to be vague if you can be vague. A vague question gets a vague answer. And you both feel like you did something. All right, I let him check in. And then your your check-in partners, maybe they're watching Bravo or something. Okay, I've checked in on him. He's fine. Back to my show. Give them questions that you can't surf through that are individual to you, that will help them pry out of you what needs to be said. Have you had any thoughts of using today? Have you found yourself on grinder or looking to try to get on grinder? Have you been emotionally dysregulated today? Have you been unusually up, unusually down?
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Whatever question for you hits to the root of a telltale sign that you're in trouble.
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Not just, hey, are you doing okay? Now you either tell them the truth or you actively lie to a real human voice, right? Most men can't do that second one. And once these people are really in your team, just like when you know when the boss is off today, they're going to know when something's off with you. It there is an intuitive pattern. When you are supporting somebody who's using, there is an intuitive pattern that you pick up on. When they're not answering the way they usually answer, they're not answering at the speed they usually answer. The way that they're answering, look, we know we read between the lines as your support team, but you usually think you have one over on them. But this is you want to set it up so that you can't. So you get to say, yes, I had a fleeting thought earlier. Based on that, we need to take this to level two, code red, right? Decide what that is. Decide what that is beforehand. If I tell you, support team member, that I had a fleeting thought, if then, if I have a fleeting thought, then. So level two is not a pep talk, it's not an extra call. Level two is somebody to come take your phone from you. Level two is somebody to come stay with you. Level two is something extreme to snap you out of the sleepwalking and autopilot. And a video check-in instead of a call. Maybe you double that for the week, the rest of the week or the rest of the day. Build it while you're feeling good before you need it. Because when euphoric recall hits, you're not you ain't calling nobody. In fact, you're probably not answering anybody. You want to get ahead of this. Your brain will not hand you that exit. It has other plans and it's very good at them. So the communication has to already be in motion. And you need a system, a defined system, like a fire, like a fire evacuation route that's posted on the wall. And then do fire drills. Team member one, if this is what you're seeing, then this happens. You need a system that's already moving, not something you have to build mid flight. Then you train them. Nobody starts a job knowing how to do it. You need to assign these people and educate them on chemsex if they aren't aware of it. Have them watch some podcasts. This one would be great. Assign them some readings, some research. Bring them to a meeting with you. Teach them what meth actually does to the reward system and what your patterns are like because a person who doesn't understand the mechanism will keep handing you willpower advice. And willpower advice from someone who loves you is its own kind of emptiness. They're going to go to bed at it at 9 p.m., not knowing that your danger zone is 11 p.m. People don't mind staying up a little extra or doing a little extra for you. They don't mind because they really want to see you succeed. And if they understand the nuances of chemsex, they're going to they're going to do it. Teach them what a trigger looks like.
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They need to know what it looks like.
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And if you if you have to, and introduce them to other people who have recovered, if you can. They're on probation. You hire them, you train them, you put them on probation. In month one, they're learning your patterns. They're learning on the job training. And by month three, they should know what it's like. They should know your patterns. They should know what's happening with you. They should be running check-ins without you prompting. And they should be on top of things for you. Because you've trained them that way. An untrained teammate, they're not a bad person. They're just unprepared, uneducated. That is your job. Okay? You hire for the role, not for somebody you love as well, by the way. You're casting a team, and we've all hired somebody we don't like, but they're good at their job.
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Every person on this team needs a role. Interview them. You are in charge here.
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There's too much at stake to be meek, to hold yourself back, and to be afraid to ask.
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If you don't ask, you don't get it.
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So some people who adore you, they want what's best for you, and they're soft with you, and they enable you wrong. Wrong higher. Now there's a place for them somewhere, but not on the top level. They're not a frontline manager, okay? Cast cast and roll them by their strength. This one is a night owl. I know what their job's going to be. This one doesn't care where you are, when you are, when she calls, she will push and push until you answer. You want to have some of the most nosy, intrusive possible people on your team. I've talked about this before. Oftentimes, no offense, this is a straight woman. One of your straight woman friends. She is going to make fucking sure that you do what you're supposed to do, but you have to let her and train her and set the expectation. You want somebody who will invade your privacy and not apologize for it. Okay. This woman or this person, you know, they're not worried. They're not worried about being a buzzkill or a cock block, because sometimes the other gay men are. Right? A lot of gay men will be worried about that and back off a little bit. No. No operation lets one person be the only one who can do a critical job, right? So if your night owl is traveling, who is the replacement? Cross-training. You need to cross-train as well so that you have coverage for when one person's not there. I'm serious about this. There should never be a gap in duties because you are going to see that gap and run with it. In early chemsex recovery, you have to give up your privacy and you do it on purpose. And for some men, that means maybe have having somebody with view-only access to your bank account. For some, it means parental control so that somebody else looks to see and they can monitor everything you're doing on your phone.
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If this sounds extreme, I want to ask you, how has what you've been doing working?
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So I know, I know exactly how this feels, right? It feels a little butt scary to some of you, but this is the scaffolding to your recovery. You put it up to build the structure, and then you take it down as time goes on, right? You you can step down. This isn't the rest of your life, right? This is necessary for this portion of your life. Okay. So with your team, just like if you're running a business, give them performance reviews. This is the this is the part that really separates the men who create a long-term impactful team. You review your team the way a supervisor would. Here's how you're doing. Here's what you've been missing. Here's what I need more of. Here's what I need less of. Here's your ratings. You will let things go after a while. You will see that employees not doing their job, but because of the way that your brain is structured and has been restructured by myth, you're more apt to let things go and just let that employee be. No, you must not do that. You might notice somebody just calling and just chit-chatting. Right? No. Don't let them get away with that. You can't decide, you just you have to get out of this mindset that you're asking too much, that you're a burden, that you don't want to hurt their feelings. It is not worth it. This is too detrimental to your life to worry about hurting somebody's feelings. And I'm telling you, more often than not, you're not going to. They want to do more. They want to see you well. People who really love you will go further than you ever imagined, further than you even ask. But you must make it clear. You the one steering this ship. Somebody who's flaking on check-ins, they need to be reprimanded or let go. They're teaching your brain that the system has holes in it. And if your brain learns that a system has a hole in it, it's going to take it. Okay? And you can do all of this, of course, with grace. You don't have to be an asshole. If the role wasn't the right fit, just I'm grateful for you. I know you're trying, but this is not what I need right now.
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I need something else.
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Because would you let an underperforming employee if their failure was costing you your business? Would you let the friendship get in the way if their failure is costing you your life?
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You are the leader here.
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It does not matter how many times you have relapsed. It does not matter how long you've been using, or how hard you've been using, or how many fucking meth-free days consecutively you have in a row. It does not matter. Your authority over your own record recovery is your birthright and your right and your power is not something you earn. It comes with the job. It's your responsibility. So don't be meek about it, be mousy about it. Don't soften the ask or apologize or decide in advance that it's too much before somebody's even had a chance to say yes. There is too much at stake for you to be polite about this.
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Graceful, yes. Merciful, yes. If you're asking one person for more than they can do, adjust their job description.
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Give somebody else more that needs more to do or can do. Or hire somebody new. Or thank them and excuse them from the team. You're the leader here. You're not asking for help, you're staffing an operation. And you're the one in charge of it. The end of the day, what happens at that bottom line, which is your recovery, is entirely up to you. And if you have gone the extra mile and you've set your team up for success, if you have properly trained, properly evaluated, properly set it up, remember consistency, proactivity, and certainty. This is the proactivity part. And consistency, because they also, your employees, some of them will start to fade a little, get shaky. They need you as the leader to round them up, to remind them, to say, Hey, I need you here.
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There's nothing wrong with that. So who is on your team?
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What are their roles? Do they know exactly what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it? Or are they just somebody who says, I'm there if you need me? A list of phone numbers in your phone do no fucking good for chemsex recovery because you're not going to call them.
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When you have crossed that threshold of euphoric recall, you have to be proactive and plan ahead. As specific as possible. This is what it takes.
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I want to hear from you. Does this make sense to you? Does this resonate? Is it bullshit? Do you have a team? What have you done? Tell me in the comments. If you're on YouTube, tell me in the comments on Spotify, DM me, whatever you want to do. Send me a send me a nice little letter. Um, I don't care. I would love to hear from you though. So I hope this helps. And I'll see you next week.
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