The Healing Has Arrived! with Somiari Fubara

In this episode of How Y'all Healing, host Spry Lee Scott interviews Somiari Fubara, a former regional director of mental health services. They discuss the importance of self-care and healing practices, particularly in Black and Brown communities. Somiari shares her self-care package, which includes gratitude, meditation, yoga, connecting with ancestors, and cold exposure. They also discuss the importance of consent and body autonomy, especially in healing from trauma. Somiari emphasizes the need to meet people where they are in their healing journey and validate their experiences. They also explore the difference between trauma and traumatic experiences. In this conversation, Spry Lee Scott and Somiari discuss the importance of holistic health and healing. They emphasize the need to address the mind, body, and spirit as interconnected aspects of well-being. They highlight the significance of practices such as meditation, healthy interactions, exercise, and proper sleep in maintaining overall health. They also discuss the impact of trauma on mental health and the importance of healing from past wounds. Somiari shares her personal experience of honoring her brother's legacy and the practices she incorporates into her daily life. The conversation concludes with a celebration of life and healing, and the reminder that the healing has arrived.


https://www.instagram.com/somiaribella?igsh=MTJ6cHI3c2FvdGF6Yg==

https://www.medicine4melanin.com/howyallhealing

Music credits:
Intro… https://www.therelaxedmovement.com/

Outro… Jarico - Island; supported by @FreeBackgroundMusicForCreators
https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC9YwmlkIQlAQPz8IY6RHnPg/featured?sub_confirmation=1

Transcript

Spry Lee Scott (SLS)
Hello and welcome to How Y'all Healing?™️, a series of conversations with healers, leaders, and organizations about their healing journey and the importance of health and wellness for Black and Brown people. We talk to guests about the work that they are doing to heal our communities and find out what's in their personal self -care package. I am your host, Spry Lee Scott, and this is How Y 'all Healing.

SLS 
What's up, what's up, what's up, y 'all? Welcome to the premiere episode of How Y'all Healing?™️. I think that deserves another round of applause.

Thank you to my invisible audience. And so like the intro said, this is How Y'all Healing?™️, and we are talking about what is in your self care package. And I am excited because my first guest is here with us and I just want to introduce this amazing person and it is Somiari Fubara. And she is the former regional director of mental health services for KIPP NYC. She is also a certified clinical adolescent and trauma professional, a certified integrative medicine provider (I practiced that), and a certified breath, body, and mind teacher. And I have to add that she is an amazing mother to an amazing nine -year -old, whose emotional intelligence is just like off the chain. But we'll talk, I'm sure he will find his way into this conversation. Her areas of concentration include healing, practices, mindfulness, holistic medicine, and spirituality. With so many accomplishments under her belt, we would be here all day trying to name them all, but I want to mention two of them. One is her work with counseling the Chibok girls that escaped Boko Haram back in 2014. And if you're not familiar with that story, please Google it and just check it out because it's a story, to say the least.

SLS 
And the other thing is when she became an author, creator, and editor for the RAINN project called Lean On Me, A Caregiver's Guide to Safeguarding Children and Supporting Healing from Sexual Abuse. And that is actually when, I think I met you right before you started working on that project. So that kind of gives us a timeline. And that was back in 2022. 

Somiari Fubara (SF)
No, I was actually finishing the project. We met in September, the project was almost over. We were just in the final editing and it came out in November of 2022. 

SLS 
Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. So good. So she jumped the gun. let's just welcome her. 

SF
Thank you.

SLS 
I don't know how long I'm gonna be using this applause, but we're gonna use it for now. It worked during the pilot episode, it's gonna work today. So again, thank you for joining us. And let's just get right to it. So again, How Y'all Healing?™️ asks what is in your self -care package? So let's start with that. What is in your self -care package right now?

SF
Well first I want to say thank you so much for having me on and I think this is such an important conversation that we're going to have. And so to answer your question, I am originally from Nigeria. Although I've been in America now like 34 years, I'm rooted in our culture and our culture is rich with a lot of healing practices. As a therapist now for almost what, 17 years or so, one of the things I realized is that I was disconnecting from these healing practices, and I was taking on a very Western dynamic, because that's how you are educated in undergrad, grad school, that kind of thing. So if I would say right now, like my package includes a gratitude every morning. I have a meditation practice of at least 15 to 20 minutes morning and night. I call it the double dose medicine. And I've been doing these practices since probably I was 23 or 24, there about. So they're now part of, they're like a lifestyle. I also practice yoga. That is, again, we'll probably get into this, but my brother who transitioned in 2021 was the one that introduced me.

And that is something that I do quite a bit. But I also find it very healing to connect with my ancestors, especially now that my brother that I'm very close with has transitioned. Whether it's in my meditation moments or just in everyday, just taking really quiet moments to hear and listen to what may need to be said or even guidance in just everyday life. And then I've included quite, I mean, in addition to my diet and everything, I've included a lot of cold exposure, which again, I think people think these are all new things, but they're not. We are a water people. really. I grew up, in the Opobo Kingdom, well, prior to them creating a bridge, you could only get to it by the water. And the water is very, very cold. And we so love going into the water. 

SLS 
So that debunks the myth that black people don't swim. 

SF
And most of the time we don't have swimming teachers. Like a lot of people in Nigeria know how to swim. You have to know how to swim. You're going to drown. You have the whole island and there, their main occupation as fishermen back in the day. You have to know how to swim. And then, like I said, you're in the Atlantic Ocean, which is cold. So that has been the combination of all those things are really like what I call my self -care toolbox. 


SLS 
And it's so funny that you mentioned the cold therapy because you're from Nigeria. I was born in Brooklyn, and I don't like the cold. And I remember one of your posts with you and your son, Morrow outside putting your feet in the cold and in the snow. And I'm like, this Nigerian woman, lady, should you be... I'd be ready to get out of New York. So cold therapy is a Nigerian tradition?

SF
Well, I don't think they look at it as cold therapy. It's just what we do. It's like people get in the water, and most of the time, your water is cold, especially if you're in a rural area. There is no hot water. The water is always cold. 

SLS 
Right, because I was in Nigeria. And it was either you wait 20 minutes for that water to warm up, or you...

SF
or your boiling water or something, but the water is cold. And if the light, the electricity is off that day and you don't have a generator, you are taking a cold shower. So you, unless you're not trying to leave the house that day, get to where you can. That's why I said it's like people, especially here in the Western world, it's like, my God, it's this new thing, cold therapy. And I'm like, well, this is our practice.
Whether by force or by choice, everyone is mostly acclimated to cold water. 

SLS 
Right, and on the trailer, by the time this episode comes out, the trailer is, I'm sure, it's been circulating. And in the trailer, I talk about when I first started looking at different healing modalities. And you mentioned something that a lot of these traditions or a lot of these practices are indigenous practices and these are ours. And this is something that I've learned but it's such, a lot of times, it's so taboo. I grew up in a church. 

SF
I went to seminary. I know. 

SLS
You know.  A lot of these practices, when you start talking about yoga and meditation and things, people are like, no, that's bad, for lack of better terms. But one of the things that I've learned is that some of the people, and I'm just gonna, and I'm using air quotes when I say people, who taught us against or kept us from using these practices, they use them, themselves.

SF
Exactly.

SLS 
So they go and they learned it, they use it for themselves, and then they teach us against it.  I tell people it’s kind of like driving a car. Like I could give you my car to drive. Let's say you want to borrow my car for the weekend. You borrow my car for the weekend. You're gonna drive it but it's MY car. So I know how to use it. I know all of the tricks and trades and all the little things. So I'm gonna use it better than you. And that's what I equate this to. So the reason it's kept from us is because it's different when we use our own practices. Because it belongs to us.

SF
I would definitely agree. So it's interesting you said, so when I went home, I was recruited to come home to help with the Chivok girls. And when I went home, and this was what, 2017, I remember there was this psychiatrist from Columbia that was like, you know, all these different things that you could use to help them with their healing. And I remember saying to everybody, I am going to learn from these women what they need to heal. Because one of the things, Nigeria is huge country. And I'm from the southern part of Nigeria. They're from the north, like night and day. Their culture is very different from mine, even though we're all Nigerians. So it's actually a slap in the face and not culturally humble to go into any space and be like, I'm the expert, and I know what you need on your healing journey. And so that was the first thing that was very important to me. And I bring that up to say that I took healing practices that they didn't even realize were healing for them, and just brought it up to the surface. 

So I had them breathing, because they're very religious, very Christian, but I just incorporated breath work with their prayer. We had breath work prayer groups that they thought was like something revolutionary. And I was like, you guys have been breathing all this time. You were breathing in captivity, you're breathing now and you've had prayer, that's what brought you out. I just got you to have an anchor so that you're not in the mind. Because a lot of times prayer is often just you talking. There isn't this element of silence to hear, and the connection to the present moment. And so that's what I was trying. 

And then they loved music. Singing, music, dance. I was like, I want you guys to feel like our therapy is gonna be singing and music and dancing. because that is our culture. We've always been iinto the music and the dancing in most indigenous cultures. And then I did incorporate some yoga, you know, and they were a little hesitant before, but I called it, just stretching our bodies. So I had to change languaging so that they weren't, based on what they had been told and educated, that they didn't reject the things that were gonna really be helpful for their healing journey. And then they loved it.

SLS
Because it's a part of them, and it's important, like you said, you have to meet them where they are. 

SF
Exactly. 

SLS
We both are certified yoga instructors, and when I first started out teaching, I just had an idea that, all right, I got this class, I have this practice and I'm gonna show up, and this is what we're gonna do. I don't care who's in the class, we're gonna do our Sun Salutation A, and then our Sun Salutation B, and move on. But what I realized is that I have to see who's in the class first. I can come prepared, but I can't just say there's this one size fits all. And that's in healing and everything. We have to meet people where they are and grow with them. 

SF
Exactly. And that was the other thing. They kept saying we're broken, you know, about being fixed. And I said, well, you got the wrong woman because I'm not here to fix anybody and I don't see any broken people. And I would always tell them, I'm here to journey with you. We're going to go on a journey together and you're going to be in the driver's seat. I'm going to be the passenger, and we're going to have conversations, and we may cry and we may laugh, or we may dance and we may sing. We may hug. I can't tell you the element of healing of just hugs. They would get these huge smiles on their face, because every time I saw them, that was the first thing I would do, is I would genuinely just hug them, almost to say, I'm taking the stuff so that you can create more room, so that you can have clarity. And it became a thing. We have to remember, especially with this particular group of women, there was no contact for some of them three years. There wasn't that physical contact. At least not that safe physical contact. And neurobiologically, just for survival, everyone needs at least 12 hugs a day. I think that's what we experienced during the pandemic. We were touch deprived. 

SLS
Right. And I said that I don't do social distancing. I did physical distancing. But I need socialization. I need to communicate. I remember one time my mom, in 2020, was in the nursing home. And especially at the beginning of the pandemic and everything was like, you can't go in. So we would have these visits where they would bring her down into the sunroom and I would be on the outside. And that would be our visit. And I remember the nurse who brought her down said, get in here and hug your mother. And she was like, she needs that hug. And I went and I did it. I'm grateful for her because like you said, that's a part of our healing too. 

SF
It is, it is. A lot of people, especially when you have to, for people that have had any kind of sexual abuse. You have to be careful about that boundary, but you also have to understand that there has to be a creation of both physically and emotional safety to say that this kind of touch is okay. Like almost helping them heal from the fact that that touch was harmful and hurtful, and validate that, and then say, not all touch is that. And that's even something that I had to learn with these young women. I would always get consent. People don't realize you have to get consent. So they thought it was weird that I would be like, may I hug you? And they were looking at me like, why is she just asking? She's just hugged me. But every time before I hugged them, I would say, may I hug you? And so eventually it was like, they would just say, yes. Like they would just say, yeah, you see me coming and they know I'm gonna ask of that. But I'm like, I need you to understand, your body is your body. And it has been violated. And I'm not going to be a contributor to you not understanding that your body is your body. Those boundaries are important. 

SLS
You're helping them develop a new relationship with what touch is. 
But then you're also teaching them to create boundaries for themselves. That’s something that a lot of people don’t know. 

SF
So speaking of my son, so he's big on energy. If he's not feeling you, he's not feeling you. He doesn't care who you are. If you’re family or not family. And people are always looking at me where they're like, well, can I hug you? And he's like, no, thank you. And they'll look at me and thinking like I'm gonna be like, come on. 

When I think of the Santa Claus pictures, and you hear and see some kids screaming and yelling, while the parent is like, it's only gonna be five minutes. I'm like, we're already desensitizing that child. That by force, anybody can take ownership of your body. Like, if you do not wanna sit on that person's lap or you don't want that hug, you cannot say no. And that’s from an early age.  I remember when we were living in Nigeria, that was one of the first conversations I had with him (my son). I said listen, if you do not want to, it makes you uncomfortable, it's crossing any boundaries, your answer is no, and no is a complete sentence. You do not have to give an explanation. He's like, well, mommy, what if it's an adult? I said, I do not care who it is. If you are not comfortable, you are allowed to say no.
Now he's like, no. I mean, he's always been that way, but now people are like, can I have your… No, not right now. 

SLS
And that's what I do. I ask. When I'm dealing with other children, especially, I ask if I can have a hug and I'm okay if they say no. I don't make a big deal out of it. Because that's the other thing, (people will say) you don't want to hug me? And it's no. I respect that. And not only with other children, but I do it with my children as well. And I always tell them, whatever you practice at home, you can take that and apply it in the street. I remember being at a birthday party, a kid's birthday party one time, and some of the parents were sitting around and we were talking about that. And one of the mothers said, “I enforce that as well in my home with my daughter, except when it comes to her father.” And she said her father is the only one that she can't say no to. And I was like, hmmm. I don't know about that. I was like, nah, because it's like.
🛑
My daughter, again, it doesn't change how she feels about me. But it helps her to understand that I don't care what I do for you. Your body is your body. And if you get to tell me no, then when you out in the streets and you dealing with these dudes and they say, well, I pay for your nails, I pay for your hair, I did this, I did that, I took you to dinner. What you mean?

That's the same thing that I heard when that mom said, she can say that to anyone except for her father because of what he does for her. And it's like, no, my body is mine regardless of what anybody does for me. Absolutely. And I think that's a good thing that you brought up because when I was working on that project, Lean On Me, which was what? I think it was a two year project or there about.

Spry Lee Scott (22:44.792)
That's one of the things that a lot of the survivors talked about. I don't know about white spaces, but in ours, brown and black spaces, there's this sense of not teaching body autonomy and agency and ownership. And family is okay. Forget even dad. Family's okay, but what we realize is that

a lot of the violations, whether sexual, physical, otherwise, are from people that we know. We know that's the statistics. It's from, so it is that father, it is that mother, it is that uncle or aunt. And so when you're teaching a child from a young age, well this person is exempt. It's like, well then if that person, God forbid, does something that violates them,

they don't feel like they can speak up. Or if they do speak up, they don't feel like they will be validated or heard or believed. Because look at what this person does for you. There's no way that this person would have done that. And so it was so important to me in that project to explain to caregivers. Like it is not the stranger that is violating the child.

It's the people that they're very familiar with. One of the things I heard someone on social media talk about, and a parent, says she doesn't teach her kids about strangers. She teaches them about strange behavior. Yes. Because strange behavior can be anyone. That is...

that's a really, really, really good thing because I really do think this project, like I said, it showed people, here are the red flags. And sometimes they're very covert. forget even just act, it's the grooming dynamic was one of the things that we discussed in both the video series and the guidebook is we're missing these elements of grooming. That special attention that that child is getting.

Spry Lee Scott (25:00.078)
should be of concern to you. Because why? Why isn't everybody else getting, it's one thing if everybody's getting that special attention, but even at that, look for the grooming signs. And I don't think we have those conversations enough in our communities to have an understanding that yes, you're saying, that so -and -so from down the street, he's safe, and that's what the child is seeing.

Like this is a person everybody believes and thinks is safe. I can't say anything, I can't speak up because I will not be believed if I say something about this person. Right, right. I wanna talk more about your writings with the project, the Lean On Me project. So, and it's funny you said again, you were already working on it when we met.

And something that stuck out to me with one of our early conversations, and I don't know if you remembered it or not, but we were talking, and it pretty much changed the trajectory of how I saw things. And you said that there is a difference between trauma and traumatic experiences. Can you talk about that, Yeah, and I remember that.

My head was blown. I was like, what? So let's talk about that. So I think the understanding, you know, earlier on, this was in my 20s, I realized, and people know this, I think for the most part now, it's like they're big T, big T traumas and small T traumas. And here's the fact, especially because we just went through COVID, everybody has had trauma. COVID.

was a traumatic event globally. But were you traumatized? were you experiencing the trauma over and over in the sense that's where it's like, okay, this thing happened, but I was able to talk about it. I was able to use healing practices. I was able to all these different things where it did not morph into

Spry Lee Scott (27:25.172)
either a reoccurring traumatic experience or a complex traumatic experience. So that's what I was saying is like, the trauma, we experience trauma every day. that's, I mean, and I'm not a big news taker of news information because I just, given the work I do, I have to really protect my space and my energy. But I'm like, you can't, especially here in New York, you can't go through.

the day without seeing a trauma event. Whether it's the homeless person that is just like completely wilding out and then something, and especially for children, like I'm walking with my son, I have to always be mindful of that. When we come home and we have to process, we have to unpack what he heard, what he saw, because that is trauma. Now,

Let's say I'm taking all this stuff with him and I realize that this is trauma, but I don't give him space to talk about it. There is no safety to talk about it. There's no safety to process and ask questions or to say, this is making me feel a certain way. It can then be a suppressed dynamic that then morphs into a traumatic experience. All right. See, you just took me back there.

Woo. All right. And I agree, because I'm listening to you and I'm thinking about COVID, because again, we all experienced it, right? It's not one person who did not experience COVID and pandemic, the quarantine. Everybody experienced it. But when I look at my quote unquote relationship to. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

COVID and the pandemic and being quarantined, I almost felt guilty because I felt like it wasn't that bad. And for me, it's because what you were saying, I was doing breath work, we were doing meditation, we were going outside, we was like, what? We going outside, it's sunny, we got all this grass, we put our feet in the ground.

Spry Lee Scott (29:51.948)
to the point where people, I mean now it's over, so it's four years ago. But we had our whole block outside at one point, because they saw us and I think we gave them permission to kind of like be outside. And it's like, no, the sun is healing. Come outside and get some sun. part, yes. when, and you know, this year there have been talks about, COVID is back and we may be going back into quarantine. And we're like, okay.

All right, like we kind of started planning what we're gonna do just in case. But again, I know other people who, and this is why, and I said I felt guilty, because it was one of those things where I didn't wanna talk about it, because I know other people who seriously had some, like it was a.

It was a traumatic event. But I think the other thing to mention is based on what you said, it's the experience of the thing. All of us, that's how you can have two people in a home, a divorce happens. A divorce is a trauma, okay? One person's experience of it and they're flourishing, the other one, it completely derails them.

It's the individualized experience. It's not an objective thing. It's a subjective thing and people don't realize it. So I'm right there with you. Morrow and I's experience of COVID, was, we were outside hours. Like all the things you mentioned, it brought us together in a way that I was so grateful for.

And so, but I do understand that other people's experience of it was like people died. I was fortunate nobody in my family died and things of that sort. So I had to make room and validate that experience and empathize with that experience because that's the healing that they needed as well. And say, told, that wasn't my experience. However, I'm here as you journey.

Spry Lee Scott (32:13.506)
through these stages of grief, given whether the fears, the inconsistencies, the anxiety that came up during COVID, and I just never had those. Like it wasn't my experience, but it doesn't mean I need to invalidate or negate somebody else's. And I think that's where we get into a little bit of a tough situation when we're talking about healing, is you can't be like I'm...

I'm a healer, I'm coming to help you heal. That's like you already, that's not gonna work. Because you're creating either a dependent or codependent relationship and you are not empowering that person. They have all these abilities within them. All you're doing is helping them bring it to the surface. And you are empowering them to get to that point where they realize, yes, this happened to me, we're going to go through it and we're going to come out on the other side.

I think one of the things that helps me as a healer, as a leader, is understanding that I'm still on this journey as well. And the same way that I'm here to be with you on your journey, I also know that there are some things that you may be able to offer me that will help with my healing. And I'm just at a different stage.

And it reminds me of a question a friend of mine asked me a while ago, and it was like, are you, when do you, can you be healed? Like, can you be healed? And I thought, if you would've asked me before I had children, I would've said yeah, right? Because I did my therapy and everything, and what I tell people, I say, if you think you're healed, just go have some children, because they will bring

All that stuff. The triggers, boom, boom, all those wounds. It's like, please, my son? And I also saw something that said, first child is the one that's sent here to help you heal. And I was like, is, if that ain't a word, because my son.

Spry Lee Scott (34:34.07)
And it's not again specifically him, but just watching him and the experiences that he went through. I went through some things at an early age that now when I'm looking at him and when I see him at six, I remember things that I experienced at six, things that I experienced at seven and at eight and at nine. And so now I'm reminded or

I find myself often searching for tools to give him to process. And I realized, because at first, and I think this is when we were talking, I was trying to keep him from traumatic experiences. I'm like, all right, I'm going to protect him. I got this bubble that he is good. And as I...

woke up, in reality, it's like, no, you can't protect your children from traumatic experiences. But you can give them the tools that keep those traumatic experiences from turning into something more. Yeah, like a deep wounding. I agree, people used to ask me that too, and my answer was like, I'm healed and healing. Because there are layers to this stuff, and you're so right.

Before I had my son, I was like, but I was still like, I'm healed, but there are layers. And even you have not experienced everything in your life. So you do not know what possible traumas are ahead. However, if you have the mindset and you're actively in the practice of.

this is what my practices are. These are my tools that I'm practicing every day, that it's a lifestyle. Like I always tell people it's like a difference between mental health and mental wellness. Like I always like, when you're healthy, it's the absence of illness. But when you're healthy does not mean you are well. You just are not ill. So I am like, people are like, we're so focused on mental health, mental health, mental health. And so,

Spry Lee Scott (36:55.296)
It's like, they don't have bipolar, or they don't have all these different diagnoses, or they're not depressed. However, are they well? Are they able to enjoy their lives? Are they living in, do they feel like they're thriving, or they're just surviving and coping? Because that's the other thing that years ago I kept saying to people, like, give them coping skills. I'm like, no, I want people, I wanna help people heal. I don't want them to cope.

Because if they're coping, here's the thing, is like you're gonna have to either they create a tolerance at some point in time. And I also understand that healing is layers. And as you get down to the root, that may take years to heal from that layer. But at least we understand that we're not putting a band -aid or we're not giving medication. And not anything a knock on medication, if it's needed, it's needed. But I feel like the mental,

health system is a symptomology system, dynamic, and it's not about root cause, which is often back to a traumatic event and experience. It's, she's depressed. We did this assessment, she's depressed, let's give her antidepressants. But my question is, when and what is causing the depression symptoms?

We don't just go to a tree and cut off the branches and say, the root is healed. You gotta go and see what's happening at the root. So these are things that again, I think any healer has to understand, you are healed and healing. You may have healed from that thing years ago and you're not triggered and it's not a wound there anymore. However, maybe there's a new thing that happened. Nobody knew COVID was coming.

And for a lot of people that brought up a lot of stuff. that well, well, yeah. Nobody knew how COVID was coming. Well, that is the truth. I when you said that I was like, yeah, he's right. Well, somebody knew COVID was coming. Right. We just didn't know COVID was coming and we didn't know the impact of it. Right. And the truth about it is COVID revealed a lot of things and it

Spry Lee Scott (39:18.282)
it caused a lot of trauma for a lot of young people. As well as adults, but we have to remember the young people, their brains are still developing. And so a traumatic event that is, what was COVID? Like to when we felt kind of safe was like a good two years. That's complex traumatic event. Right. And that's safe on a...

I guess on a greater scale. That's with everyone, but then there were still people who were dealing with the after effects of Exactly. And within stuff that were not even related to COVID. there was still domestic violence went through the roof, child abuse, all that stuff went through the roof. The kids were like, I mean, we did that youth quest.

thing with Crash Bell, where the kids were not okay. But for everybody was just so in the future or just caught up that we couldn't realize that not only were the kids were not okay, a lot of adults were not okay. And even though I feel like COVID helped people slow down and have an understanding and it really for a moment shifted people's...

priorities and understanding of what really matters. And how do I ensure that I'm not just surviving, but I'm thriving? Once we were open, I felt like all that stuff just went out the door. It's like back to the grind, back to the hustle, back to us being very like go, go, go, which is also a trauma response. It's like let's fill everything up because that silence and that quiet.

means you gotta deal. And we're not always trying to deal. And I just don't think that's been modeled for us in a really tangible way that don't run from the silence, don't run from the healing, embrace it. Like even crying. I have so many clients that are like, I haven't cried in years.

Spry Lee Scott (41:41.11)
and then they get in with me and I'm like, well, you're about to start crying a lot. I'm just letting you know this is what it's gonna be because all that suppressed stuff has to come out for you it's something that, it's funny because again, a lot of this is indigenous to what we're supposed to be doing, but then over generations, we've been taught not to do it. And of course, the history.

in America, well not even in America, the history of black and brown people throughout the world. It's proof to just how our generations have been taught not to do so many, or not to be intentional about our healing. You know, we didn't have time. You know, didn't, excuse me, and...

You know, and so now, like when I look at my parents or our generations before us, they weren't, so when you talk about crying and talking, things like that, forget about going out in the cold. Like, just a conversation. You know, just ask me how I'm doing, a hug. These are things that weren't.

That weren't taught and so now like we have this new generation of People who are and and this is what excites me about doing this work because we do have People who and thank you part of it is also the show social media as well, but healing is cool now. healing is cool my only concern now is I Remember it was 2010

And I was like, special specialization is gonna be trauma. And trauma wasn't the buzzword and it wasn't the thing then. And then it became the thing. And so I remember some women saying, I'm, you know, like just labeling themselves some like trauma specialist. And I got very concerned is because we go and read some books, we go do some things and then we.

Spry Lee Scott (43:59.694)
then say we are equipped to then help people, but we haven't done our work. And I remember when I was, I think I was 21 when I said if I'm, I didn't choose to go into psychology and be a therapist and do that, that wasn't, let me rephrase.

In some dynamic, I chose it, but it wasn't, I was actually going to be a neurosurgeon. That is what I was, I thought I was gonna Okay, neurosurgeon. I know, so, that's what I said. I was like, I'm gonna be a neurosurgeon. And this was, no, you are called to do this. And I remember my second year of college, I was like, I don't,

if I'm going to do this and I'm going to really journey with people, I don't wanna do book stuff and I wanna make sure that I've done my work. And it was unheard of as a 20 -some year old then, you're talking about like 2001 dynamic, to say I'm going to do the work. Nobody was talking about that. And the work wasn't just,

I'm healing from wounds, childhood stuff, or whatever the case may be. But it was also, how am I taking care of myself holistically? It was when I decided to become a vegan. It was when I decided like, educating myself about processed foods and understanding that my second brain is my gut. And how that impacts the upper brain.

And so when we're saying all these chemical imbalances, I was like, could it be tied to some of the stuff we are taking in and these dynamics? So it became very important to me that I really needed to like get to the root for myself in order to say to other people, I have made this journey and I can guarantee you, you stay the path. It's not always gonna be easy.

Spry Lee Scott (46:17.858)
There are gonna be a lot of tears. There are gonna be days where you're gonna be like, what the hell? Like, what is happening? on this roller coaster. And you get there and you realize, it was all worth it. But I don't, I remember being in a non -profit clinical practice where most of the people, therapists don't do the work.

So when people are like, when most of my clients, when they come to me, they've tried all these different therapists and then somebody's like, no, you need to go to Somi. And then they arrive and I'm just like, they're dumbfounded. I'm like, how are you sleeping? And I'm like, for the next month, I just want you to change your sleep pattern. They're like, well, but what about, I'm like, we're gonna get to all, trust me, you are gonna get to all the roots.

and unlearn a whole bunch of stuff.

but part of your healing is getting sufficient rest. You cannot heal if your body is on the go. Like think of it, if we think of our bodies as a vehicle. And you were just talking about a car. If you run your car all day, every day, don't check the engine, don't check the oil, don't get it for the tune up, don't do any of that stuff, it is going to break down.

And that is what we are seeing on a very global level. Or even if you run the car all day, and it's just one of those things that you don't check. Right. It will affect the way the rest of the car works. Absolutely. And so even just that, I've always told people, I was like, your circadian rhythm, you got to know what that is. We got to get it in check.

Spry Lee Scott (48:12.32)
I know we're now a society where we stay up really late. We think, at one point in time, I forget who it was that would toot like, I only sleep four hours a night. yeah, it was that whole hustle culture of no sleep, team no sleep. I was like, nah. I like sleeping. I wish I could take naps. Listen, when I went to Cuba,

I remember I was doing missionary work. get there, foreign concept, I'm like 23, and the woman I'm staying with says to me, whatever you're doing, you have to be done by 12. And I'm like, well, no. The work day doesn't end till like four or five o 'clock. She's like, well at 12, everything shuts down, we take a nap. And I thought she was being funny. I was like, okay.

Everything shut down. Wow. And they took a nap. Sometimes they didn't reopen till like two. Mm -hmm. I had a similar experience when I was in Spain and it's called Siesta. Yes! And they shut everything down. I remember going to one of the department stores. was almost like the version of Macy's or something, right?

And it was maybe one o 'clock and I went and they were like, the workers are out to lunch. And I was like, all of the workers? And they were like, yeah. Everybody goes, they take, it's not, again, it's not that one hour, it's like two hours. they go home and they eat together.

and rest and then they come back and finish their day. Yeah, but now the science is showing that we should be taking naps. in like five kindergarten where we need people off naps, kids off naps, just to realize that the science is like, no, you need like a good 30 minute power nap during your day. because nothing is meant to run eight hours.

Spry Lee Scott (50:29.05)
in the day. I can't remember the doctor. He's a Harvard doctor and he came up with this acronym called SHIELD. And he originally came up with it because he was trying to help elderly people with brain health. Or they were having Alzheimer's or dementia and make sure that their brain was staying healthy. So he came up with this acronym called SHIELD and he...

Shield standard for the first s was sleep. Mm -hmm. He was like you need to be getting seven to eight hours of sleep I don't care what anybody else or hustle culture told you The body needs that to repair because that's when it repairs then he said you need to Handle stress. Okay, then that was the H the I was Interactions are your interactions healthy?

So that's like the hugs and communication. Then he said E was exercise. I always tell people, I know we've gone to this, like you need to be in the gym and blah, blah, it's like movement. We're in New York, if you walk, just instead of, like if it's a walk that you can do in 20 minutes, do that walk instead of taking the train or whatever, you're biking or whatever. And then the L was learn something new every day. And then the D was diet.

And then he said, do you know what the American diet is called? And people were like, what is it? He said, it's the acronym SAD. And people were like, whoa. And I'm like, I don't know what else to tell you other than that. you're the standard American diet spells out the acronym SAD.

Would that be a reason why one in four people? is? Huh? SAD is? Standard American American Diet, okay. All right. I was thinking, no, because I was thinking, because in Seattle, and this is a side note, in Seattle, they have a time of year that they call it SAD. Yeah, Seasonal Affect Disorder. Yeah, that's when, because they don't get much sunlight. American...

Spry Lee Scott (52:48.148)
Yeah, but there's also seasonal affect disorder as well. I was little late on the train, but I got it. Yeah, that happens quite like in Maine and in further up north in Seattle when there's not, you know, which is why especially for us as brown and black people, you find that a lot of brown, especially during the fall and winter times, our vitamin D levels are really low because and that's what is a huge component to the seasonal affect disorder.

is because your vitamin D, which is really essential to keep your depression and serotonin in check, you're not getting that, we're not going outside because we don't like the cold. So we're not even getting that little bit of sunlight that may be coming through during the wintertime. But in Nigeria, it's sunny a lot. we don't. And a lot of these, where we're from A lot of our countries.

Yeah, there's a lot of sun. So we're getting that vitamin D, which is one of the things like even with COVID, people will be like, we're outside. COVID is not hitting us the way it's hitting you guys, but we were indoors. They kept telling us to stay indoors. And I was like, no, we are going outside. can find Central Park. Nobody was there. Wow.

I mean, I was like, that's greenery. Like you said, find an open space. I understand keep physical distance, but find an open space and just be outside and be in nature. All that inside was not helpful for us at all. Right, I know we gotta, we'll be here all night. All night. But I wanna, one, because we're talking about just help on a holistic.

And that's one of the other things that I think probably stood out when we met and we were talking, we had that conversation. But I want to talk about just the importance of, again, and we've talked about it with the car, but just want to reiterate the importance of the holistic approach to health. Absolutely. So I think one of the, again,

Spry Lee Scott (55:09.592)
We as brown and black people and our ancestry, we knew the way. There's a lot of indoctrination and getting rid of the stuff we knew. But one of the greatest disservice to us as a people is the, we have separated ourselves. So this system has said, your body,

your mind and your spirit are all these different things. But here's the thing, we are a whole being. Your body, as I sit here, my mind, body and spirit are right here. But if I have been conditioned that this is separate, this is separate, that's why you can go to a doctor. When I was pre -med, I was like, why aren't we asking them about their mental health? Because what?

the pain they're feeling could be a somatic thing, or there could be some spiritual component to it that we don't. But that is not the way, even now it's like we're just getting into mind -body, but nobody is really considering that it's separating. So people are feeling like I'm these three different people, and it's really causing really serious mental health issues.

So when we talk about holistic health, for me is, are you feeding or giving your body, your mind, and your spirit the food that it needs, that it's nourishing? Whatever, however that looks like. So I told you earlier before we got in on that, you my son and I recently went to St. Croix. And it was.

We shut off and we're in St. Croix and we're swimming in the Caribbean Sea literally every day. Wow. In salt water that is so healing and getting vitamin D. But we're also connecting, we did rituals to connect to our ancestors for our spiritual. Every morning we do meditation. That's our spiritual food. If you're a Christian or a Buddhist, whatever your religious practice is,

Spry Lee Scott (57:29.132)
You gotta tap into that. You are not this separate entity. You cannot wake up and say, I'm going to do the green juice, but I'm going to take in all this traumatic information. So you have given your body good food, but your mind just got trashed and your spirit has been neglected. You see what I'm saying? So even when I work with

I tell them, I'm like, I can't treat you in your person in separate isolation. You're not your mind, your body. So if you're telling me you're having bad pain, let's figure, let's have a comprehensive conversation with your doctor. That's where that integrative medical part was so important to me. I'm like, what are you eating? How's your stress level?

How are your interactions? Are you having healthy interactions? I recently got a dynamic in which I would talk to people and their work environment was so toxic, they didn't realize that they were developing chronic illnesses and autoimmune issues just from being in a toxic environment. Just from work. Just from work. You know, people talking about like all of this stuff is coming up and I'm like,

Nothing heals or grows in toxicity.

You cannot take a good seed and put it in a toxic waste soil. It's not gonna grow. So when we think, really wanna emphasize the people, it's like all of you matters. However that looks, whatever your spiritual practice is, whatever your mental health practice is, whatever your physical practice is, they have to be in alignment and they have to be a practice.

Spry Lee Scott (59:27.752)
Every single day and then I tell people especially when you're in crisis, then you double your practice Because when we crisis happens what happens our practices go out the door, right? And I'm like, no, no, no, that's when you doing you're meditating up your meditation to three times a day Wow, if you are eating really well Maybe time to detox

If you are, you know, especially during grief, I tell people all the time, get more rest. And I say that because when my brother transitioned, people thought that I was in shock. And I was like, no, I've been doing this for 20 some years. I'm not gonna be in this moment and throw.

away or like say because my brother is transitioning that All these things that have kept me well Will take the back burner right if anything not only did I up it I ensured that I brought him along In that dynamic and that was one of the things that brought him so much peace is because we started every morning in that hospital in silence and meditation

and then we played music and we did aromatherapy and I hugged him and I gave him healing massages and we prayed and we were in gratitude and he couldn't leave his hospital bed but we would open up the screen and get vitamin D. Those are the things that you go into a hospital space and his nurse was like, what you're doing for your brother is more than.

is more than any doctor can do for him. And that's what was healing for him. Because he could hear himself. He couldn't sleep when I got there. He was like, I'm anxious. I can't sleep. Within 48 hours, he was sleeping. But not only healing for him, it was also healing for you. And it goes back to what we said, what we started with, because it takes...

Spry Lee Scott (01:01:52.578)
the traumatic experience from becoming trauma. Exactly. And I think that's the same thing. Thank you for that. Because as I think about my mom who transitioned two years ago now, and I think two years, no, not even two years ago. Yeah, because when I met you, she was really...

Right, so she transitioned in 2023, so a year ago. I remember going through that. I was, guess my practices kicked in. Exactly. And so I was able to deal with it. I think people look at me and they see, they're like, wow.

the way you've dealt with it and dealing with it. And it's like because I'm able to see it differently and I'm able to process through it. And I allow myself to still feel the feelings. And we continue to move. And we continue to not survive, but we continue to thrive.

I know we gotta go again. We would be here, but I want to give you an opportunity because you talked about honoring the ancestors and that's so important and I know how much your brother, Chief Black, mean to you. And I live, I've never met him, but I like I've met him and I'm like, I see him sometimes and I'm like, no, you ain't never met this man?

but I forget and I think that's beautiful. So let's end the podcast on you telling us about Chief Black. wow, so his birthday was on Friday. see, birthday. Happy birthday brother.

Spry Lee Scott (01:04:04.342)
Yeah, what you just said is something that everybody says. They're like, the way you honor your brother, I feel like I know him. And we know new mutual people that do know my brother, so.

What can I, I think one of the greatest things about him is that he was humanly divine. He had in 46 years of life,

I think it was mastered and mastering the art of being a divine being, but being a human being as well. When I was in seminary, they would always say, you know, your spiritual being having a human experience. Yes. And then years ago, I was given this talk in Texas, and I remember telling someone, and someone always reminds me, do you remember saying this? And I said,

Yeah, she's like, we are all divinity in motion. And that's one of the things my brother lived. Even after I was one of the first people, actually I was the first people, I have a sister that he also told.

His wife was first, then I was, I was like his wife. Yes, please put that there. I know, I didn't know she was there. So I was writing about it. I one of the first people he told that he had kidney cancer. And I remember it was March 2020, we're in lockdown, he calls and he says he has this. And at no point did he feel like I'm going to retreat. He actually, he did it afraid. He was so afraid and he wasn't ready to leave.

Spry Lee Scott (01:05:49.688)
He really wasn't. And when I got to his hospital room in Dubai, I remember he said, I'm writing a book of this title, says, The Healer Has Arrived, and I looked at him and I smiled. And I gave him a kiss on the forehead. And the best way I can say, as we honor the people that have transitioned, your mother included, I can't tell you where they went, where they are, but I can tell you.

that with my brother, he is with me. Every day. Every single day. I have conversations with him. And these are the practices from our standpoint, our indigenous practices that we have now demonized as something else. So if you tell someone, I'm having conversations with my brother that has transitioned, they're looking at you like you have lost your marbles. My son and I don't go a day without dancing. That was one of my

brothers healing practices, music and dancing. We dance and we dance with them. We have dance battles with them. It's one of the things that is part of our healing practice. So his being and his legacy is about, he's always said, show up and do it whether you're afraid, do it authentically, do it in your full divinity. And that I carry with me every day.

And so I tell people all the time, I am not afraid because I feel like his being is now ingrained in mine. And so I walk in a way that not only honors my divinity, but honors his legacy and his divinity. Right. Right. And thank you so much. I think we found the title for this episode.

I'm gonna switch it up a little bit, it's not the healer, but the healing. The healing. It's the pilot episode for how y 'all healing and the healing has arrived. I love it. I love it. Thank you. you. Thank you so much, Somi Ari, for being here. Thank you, Chief Black, for joining us as well. your mother. Yes, my mom, Lydia Scott, she shows up. We'll have that conversation later.

Spry Lee Scott (01:08:13.27)
My mom, like being places the premiere episode is on her birthday. my God. had my 50th birthday party on her birthday last year. my God. And then this year, because I said, I'm going to choose to use her day as a day of celebration. And so this is the premiere episode today. If you're listening on the day we release this night.

September 23rd, so happy birthday mom. Happy birthday, Mr. Again, thank you. Thank you for joining us. Please tell the folks where they can reach you. I am on Instagram under Somiari Bella. I'm on LinkedIn. I just got back on Facebook. I am actually actively working to get my website up. I do do a private practice.

But I do work with lot of nonprofits, just getting, making sure that we are culturally humble and we are healing centered, engaged. Healing centered, engaged. Because the problem is trauma. Right. The solution is healing. The solution is healing. So thank you. The healing has arrived. The healing has Thank you all. And all of our information, of course, will be in our descriptions on all of our...

wherever we post this, the podcast. So wherever it is, all of your information will be included in there as well. Worst case scenario, go to medicine, or best case scenario, go to medicine4melanin .com and it will be listed under the How Y 'all Healing tab. Just click on it. So again, we say thank you and follow us. Please feel free to like this episode.

Share it if you don't like it, share it anyway. Talk about us. Okay, just get it out there. Let people know that the healing has arrived. Healing has arrived! Thank you.