Dove's Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. Podcast

Managing Anger Through Healthy Boundaries with Demetria Nickens

• Demetria Nickens • Episode 10

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How Do Healthy Boundaries Help Manage Anger?

Discover how recognizing and setting healthy boundaries can be your secret weapon for managing anger in our latest episode featuring the insightful Demetria Nickens. Learn why uncommunicated expectations often lead to frustration and conflict, and why it's crucial to understand your personal limits. Demetria, a seasoned mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach, shares her expertise on the importance of clear communication in maintaining healthy relationships and preventing misunderstandings.

Join us as Demetria and co-host Garfield Bowen dive into real-life scenarios, such as marital conflicts, to illustrate the practical application of boundaries in everyday interactions. From identifying your triggers to setting realistic expectations, this episode offers invaluable guidance on navigating your emotional landscape with greater awareness and control. Whether it's respect, personal space, or shared responsibilities, you'll come away with actionable tips to enhance your emotional well-being and manage anger more effectively. Tune in and enrich your emotional toolkit!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. Leading the way is Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach with over two decades of experience in fostering emotional awareness in others by engaging their mental health.

Speaker 2:

Ever wondered how setting healthy boundaries can keep your anger in check? Tune in as we chat with a mental health expert who breaks down the surprising connection between boundaries and keeping your cool. Welcome back everyone. This is Garfield Bowen, co-host slash producer. Back in the studio with Demetria Nickens. Demetria, how are you doing today?

Speaker 3:

I'm doing great, great, great. How are you?

Speaker 2:

I'm well so, Demetria. How can setting healthy boundaries help us better understand and manage our anger?

Speaker 3:

Oh well, so when we think about, you have to think about the definition of boundaries, right, when you understand, kind of, what it means to cross the boundary and I think that's part of the problem A lot of people don't recognize that they have boundaries in place that people, other people, are crossing and that they're getting angry about. So take, for instance, if you know that I don't know, you don't like it when someone calls you a name, right, you feel disrespected, right, Someone has obviously crossed the boundary with you, and then you get angry. But if you've never told that person that, hey, I don't like to be disrespected, then how do they know they crossed that boundary? Right? It's always assumed, right, that the bad things are going to cross the boundary, right, it's always assumed that, oh, if you get, if you say something bad to me, or if you call me a name, or you know, all the negative things are always crossing a boundary with folks. But it really just depends on the person, right? Some people care a lot about being disrespected and some other people could care less. It depends on who disrespects them.

Speaker 3:

And the reality is that we're so individualized as people, it's so important that we understand each other's boundaries and really kind of figure out what that is, because if I don't know, I'm making you mad. If you never expressed that, I made you mad, right? So, like a husband and wife situations, right, when a husband doesn't pick up after himself and the wife gets upset and she's like why am I always cleaning up after you, right? Like that whole scenario. Well, the husband has crossed the boundary up after you, right? Like that whole scenario. Well, the husband has crossed the boundary with his wife, right? This wife feels like he is a grown man, he needs to take care of himself, that he has crossed the boundary. Like, why should I be your maid? I'm your wife? Right, he's crossed this boundary. But did the wife communicate that? Right? Did they have a conversation about what he expects out of a wife versus what she expects out of a husband? And if they never discuss those expectations with one another, then it's not fair to be mad at somebody based on not talking through those expectations.

Speaker 3:

So I think it's really important for people to know, to one understand themselves Well, what are your boundaries, right? Where does the line cross? Right, understand what those boundaries are for yourself and then understand when someone crosses it. Right, so what is that breaking point for you when you're going to get upset if somebody crosses this boundary? So, at the level of disrespect, right, if you feel disrespected, what is it? Is it a curse word? Is it touching you? Is that you know? What? Is it exactly that? Come that? That is a part of this disrespect that is going to take your anger over the edge, and so that's that's not only knowing boundaries, but what we all like to call triggers. Right, what is quote unquote triggering you? But triggers are really, really boundaries that have been crossed, right, but we never call it that right, we never talk about it in that way.

Speaker 3:

And so people have to start creating healthy boundaries with everyone in their life by understanding expectations for each other, understanding what that looks like and communicating so that you can manage what you're going to do next right, what the next thing is going to happen. So, if something, if this happened, if X happens, then Y happens, right. But if you don't understand X, or if someone else doesn't understand X, then is it fair that Y is going to happen, right. And so we have to, we have to start thinking that way, where we can really communicate with one another what these boundaries are, so that we can understand why people react the way they react and why they're doing the things they're doing. We got to stop the assumptions of anger, right? We have to really start understanding well, where does it genuinely, why is this the thing? And that way we can get a little deeper, dig a little deeper with each other.

Speaker 2:

I'm starting a little troubled here. Deeper with each other. Start a little trouble here. You had the husband and wife syndrome. So if the wife never communicated to the husband, whose fault is it?

Speaker 3:

Ah, you know, I'm not going to get in trouble with wives. I'm a wife, right. So I'm not going to get in trouble with wives. I'm a wife, right. So you know I'm not going to get in trouble with wives. But I will say collectively, they should have had that conversation before they moved in with each other. But no, I am a wife and so I'm not getting in trouble with wives. I understand, I've been there. However, it's the conversations you have before you move in with one another. It's really important to kind of know what your house habits are before you even make that step all right, good stuff.

Speaker 2:

So we all gotta do a better job communicating. Demetra, you have a wonderful rest today.

Speaker 1:

We'll see you on the next episode thank you thank you for tuning in to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. For a complimentary consultation, visit DovesInnerBeautycom or reach out to us via email at InnerBeauty, at DovesInnerBeautycom.