Dove's Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. Podcast
Join us as we delve into the complexities of our emotional worlds with Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach. In this episode, Demetria shares her insights from her platform, Dove's Inner Beauty, which challenges conventional beauty standards and advocates for genuine well-being. We discuss the life-changing impact of mental health first aid, trauma recovery, and suicide prevention.
Off-air, Demetria embraces life's simple joys, reflecting her deep commitment to maintaining balance. She opens up about balancing a rigorous career with cherished family moments, offering listeners a personal look at managing wellness amidst daily pressures. Tune in to discover not only Demetria's professional expertise but also her personal strategies for fostering inner beauty and work-life harmony. This episode is more than a dialogue—it's an invitation to promote mental health and uncover the beauty that lies within us all.
For more information about Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. visit:
https://www.dovesinnerbeauty.com/
Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y.
(336) 298-6599
Dove's Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. Podcast
Healthy vs. Harmful: Master Your Anger Response for Better Relationships
How Can We Differentiate Between Healthy Expressions Of Anger And Destructive Reactions, And What Strategies Can Help Us Channel Anger In A More Constructive Way?
Feeling angry is universal, but how we handle that powerful emotion makes all the difference in our relationships and mental well-being. Join certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach Demetria Nickens as she skillfully unravels the complex nature of anger and guides us toward healthier expressions.
The conversation begins with a crucial distinction many of us miss: anger is simply an emotion, while yelling, fighting, or withdrawing are our chosen responses to that emotion. Demetria emphasizes that feeling angry isn't the problem—it's what we do with it that matters. Through practical insights and personal examples, she reveals how self-awareness becomes our greatest tool for transformation. "You cannot change something you don't pay attention to," she notes, highlighting how unconscious anger patterns perpetuate destructive cycles.
Ready to transform your relationship with anger? Listen now and discover how this powerful emotion can become a catalyst for growth rather than destruction. Visit DovesInnerBeauty.com for a complimentary consultation and continue your journey toward emotional awareness.
For more information about Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. visit:
https://www.DovesInnerBeauty.com/
Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y.
(336) 298-6599
Welcome to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. Leading the way is Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach with over two decades of experience in fostering emotional awareness in others by engaging their mental health.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast awareness in others by engaging their mental health. Anger is a natural emotion, but how we express it can either strengthen or damage our relationship and well-being. In this episode, we're going to explore the fine line between healthy and harmful expressions of anger, along with practical ways to turn this powerful emotion into a tool for growth and understanding. Welcome back everyone. This is Garfield Born, co-host, slash producer, back in the studio with the one and only Demetria Nickens. Demetria, how's it going today?
Speaker 3:It's going well. It's going well. How are you?
Speaker 2:I got a big question for today. You ready for it?
Speaker 3:I'm ready. I'm ready.
Speaker 2:How can we differentiate between healthy expressions of anger and destructive reaction, and what strategies can help us channel anger into a more constructive way?
Speaker 3:channel anger into a more constructive way. Such a big question, right? So, and I want to start with anger. Right, you started out this conversation with this idea that anger being an emotion. Right, and this is how we have to see it in order to express it appropriately. Right, people see anger and they think it's the action, it's the yelling. Yelling is anger. No, the anger is the emotion. The yelling is how you react to it, it's your expression of that anger, right?
Speaker 3:So then, this idea of the expression of anger, it is how you show the emotion, right, the expression is how you show it, and so it's important that people can differentiate. Just simply that anger is the emotion first, right, it's not what you do after. Right, how you express it is the problem. That's healthy or, quote-unquote, destructive. And so, when we think about expression, how we move forward in showing this thing, this emotion, right, if you're sad, you may cry, right, not always, but maybe. So with any emotion, there's normally something that comes after, right? So, in anger, there's often what we like to call these unhealthy reactions, and so it's important that we really think about how are you reacting to anger? Right, you have to notice how you're reacting to it and you have to notice. Is it really anger? So the first way to really understand, right, how you are reacting to anger is to just notice that. Is this even anger number one, right and number two what do you do after, right? What when you're angry? What happens next? What's that next thing? Because if you never notice it, you'll just continue to do whatever, right? So if I'm always angry and I yell, all right time I get angry, that's not serving me to yell every time I get angry. But if you don't notice that and be able to say, oh, I need to fix that. Every time I'm angry, every time I yell because I get angry, I need to fix that, you'll just continue to do it mindlessly, right, it'll just continue to go on and on.
Speaker 3:And so it's important that you stop right and really think about well, what is it right? What is going on? Can and I notice enough about what this is? Is it anger? Has someone crossed a boundary with you? Have they wronged you? Is it really anger or could it be something else altogether? Are you just frustrated because you have a loss of control about a situation, right? Do you feel rejected because someone didn't acknowledge you in a way that you wanted to be acknowledged. Do you feel overwhelmed because you have so much going on in your life that everything coming at you at one time and that creates a level of anger within you? So it's really overwhelmed not necessarily anger, right. Do you feel manipulated? Someone that you trusted and then turned around, did something you know negative, right? So all of those things can lead to this idea of anger, but they don't have to be anger. It's how you have decided that, yes, this is going to be anger, right, and so we have to notice that.
Speaker 3:Okay, a lot of times there's an emotion behind the anger. So what can we figure out? Is the cause of anger? Right, we understand what this thing is, right. And then you understand what's your response. What is your normal response?
Speaker 3:Okay, if it's yelling, can you stop yourself from yelling? What does that look like? If I notice that I'm angry? Oh, wait a minute, can I stop myself? Notice that I'm angry. Feel the anger. It's okay to feel angry, right? It's what you do with it afterwards that matters. You cannot just go around yelling, throwing things. You know, fighting people, right? If your response to anger is always fight or I'm going to run away, or I'm just going to freeze in this moment because that's a all. Those are very normal responses to anger.
Speaker 3:Okay, but how do you work towards changing that? But you can't change something you don't pay attention to and that's part of the problem is, right, not enough people actually pay attention enough to want to stop and change it. So it's important that, okay, figure out what's really happening, what's going on, and then, okay, acknowledge it. Right, be able to say you know what? I'm angry because this person really let me down. I believed in who they were, I believed in the situation and they manipulated me. So I'm really angry about that.
Speaker 3:And you're allowed to feel that anger, allow yourself to feel that, but then what are you going to do about it next? Are you going to set a boundary with that person moving forward, where you don't tell them your secrets or you don't spend time with them? Okay, right, that's more healthy than I'm going to call them up and I'm going to argue and I'm going to yell and I'm going to have every negative word to say to them and I'm going to curse them out. But you got to stop yourself at some point, so you got to decide. When you decide to stop yourself, is it going to be after the fact that you've already done the destructive means, or is it going to be at the point where you just acknowledge that?
Speaker 3:You know what? I'm angry. I'm not going to act in my anger, I'm just going to feel mad. I'm going to be angry. Okay, whatever. Maybe I need to go to the gym and punch some punching bags instead, instead of going over here and about to punch this person's face. That's different. So you can still have a reaction of like fights. Okay, maybe that is your normal reaction. So how do you transfer that normal reaction into something that's actually going to be positive for you? Maybe it's your fight? Go to the gym right, use that, get that anger out right In a positive way instead of towards someone else. So there are ways in which, when you're noticing that this is what your response normally is, there are ways that you, when you're noticing that this is what your response normally is, there are ways that you can figure out how to kind of make them more appropriate, make them quote unquote healthy. And so you just got to stop, though, and notice first, because if you never stop and notice, you'll just continue to do the same things over and over, and over?
Speaker 2:What if you're on the other side? Okay, you're having a conversation with a friend, a spouse, and you notice that the volume just starts getting louder and louder, and louder. How do you?
Speaker 3:handle that to avoid it getting to the level of anger. And so I would say it's important to keep yourself like notice yourself, right? Are you getting angrier as they're getting angrier? Two angry people have never solved anything, right? Even when you're talking about kids. Right, you know I have an eight-year-old son. Like this little dude will manipulate me and dad, right, you know this is what kids do do and he will make me angry.
Speaker 3:I know that I have to be like okay, I feel a way right now I don't want to yell at him. Dad, I need you to come, come help. I know that's happened my husband, and say, hey, babe, I need you to come help with this right now because I can't, because I'm going to be yelling angry mommy, right, and I don't want to be yelling angry mommy, so I need you to help. So you have to notice enough yourself to be able to say, okay, I can't do this with you, or be able to say, hey, I noticed that you're upset right now. Can you stay calm enough in that situation? I noticed that you're a little upset right now because you're raising your voice. At least, that's how it sounds to me. Let me know if I'm wrong. I've noticed this going on, tell me it's making me feel unsafe or it's making me feel angry.
Speaker 3:So, using this thing called I statements, this ability to say I noticed that you are raising your voice. Is that towards me? Is that because you know what is happening there, right, and being able to say it, makes me feel uncomfortable in that moment. Being able to say that in a calm state. But you got to notice, right. You have to notice yourself, because if you're just getting angry as the person that you're noticing getting angry, so you're just going to match the anger.
Speaker 3:Two angry people have never solved anything. So if you're both just going to be angry, you're wasting each other's time. So be able to say, okay, do I just need to tap out of this conversation? Do I need to wait and have this conversation with you later? Maybe we don't need to have another conversation ever again in life. I don't know. Right. I think it depends on the situation. You have to decide what those boundaries are going to be when someone comes at you with anger. When somebody's coming at you with anger, what are your boundaries so that it doesn't become something more than what you want it to right? You can't control what somebody else does. But you can be in control of you and what you do and how you decide to react.
Speaker 2:And so that's what I would say. Listen, I love this great stuff. Well, I can say that if you're in that situation, you got to tag in Coach Demetria.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'll do that for you.
Speaker 2:Listen, you have a wonderful day, thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. For a complimentary consultation, visit DovesInnerBeautycom or call 336-298-6599. That's 336-298-6599.