Dove's Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. Podcast
Join us as we delve into the complexities of our emotional worlds with Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach. In this episode, Demetria shares her insights from her platform, Dove's Inner Beauty, which challenges conventional beauty standards and advocates for genuine well-being. We discuss the life-changing impact of mental health first aid, trauma recovery, and suicide prevention.
Off-air, Demetria embraces life's simple joys, reflecting her deep commitment to maintaining balance. She opens up about balancing a rigorous career with cherished family moments, offering listeners a personal look at managing wellness amidst daily pressures. Tune in to discover not only Demetria's professional expertise but also her personal strategies for fostering inner beauty and work-life harmony. This episode is more than a dialogue—it's an invitation to promote mental health and uncover the beauty that lies within us all.
For more information about Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. visit:
https://www.dovesinnerbeauty.com/
Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y.
(336) 298-6599
Dove's Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. Podcast
Anger's Secret Identity: The Trauma Connection No One Talks About
What Role Does Unresolved Trauma Play In How We Experience And Express Anger, And How Can We Begin To Heal Those Deeper Triggers?
The protective barriers we build in childhood often follow us into adulthood, shaping our emotional responses in ways we don't fully recognize. Trauma recovery coach Demetria Nickens takes us on a powerful journey exploring how unresolved trauma manifests as anger throughout our lives.
When we experience trauma, particularly in childhood, our brain catalogs successful survival strategies. If fighting helped you escape danger once, your brain automatically reaches for that same response when faced with perceived threats later in life. This becomes problematic when we continue applying childhood protection mechanisms to adult situations. As Demetria eloquently explains, "Things that served you and protected you when you were younger doesn't mean that they serve and protect you now."
The path to healing begins with awareness. Noticing physical sensations like sweating or increased heart rate before emotional reactions take hold creates space to interrupt automatic responses. This bodily awareness serves as an early warning system, allowing us to choose different reactions rather than falling into established patterns. Most importantly, we must recognize when we're "trauma reacting" versus responding to present circumstances.
Ready to transform your relationship with anger by healing its underlying causes? Tune in to this transformative episode that might just change how you understand your emotional responses forever!
For more information about Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. visit:
https://www.DovesInnerBeauty.com/
Dove’s Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y.
(336) 298-6599
Welcome to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. Leading the way is Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach with over two decades of experience in fostering emotional awareness in others by engaging their mental health awareness in others by engaging their mental health.
Speaker 2:Unresolved trauma can shape the way we experience emotions, especially anger. For many, anger becomes a protective shield masking pain that hasn't yet been addressed. In this episode, we're going to discuss the deep connection between trauma and anger and how healing from past wounds can lead to greater emotional balance and peace. Welcome back everyone. This is Garfield Bourne, co-host slash producer, back in the studio with coach Demetria Nickens. Demetria, how's it going today?
Speaker 3:Going well so.
Speaker 2:Demetria, what role does unresolved trauma play in how we experience and express anger, and how can we begin to heal those deeper triggers?
Speaker 3:Great question. First, I want to speak about this idea of trauma. Right, most people don't want to sit and talk about trauma. It's one of those words that people just want to avoid altogether, like, no, I don't want to go there when a trauma has happened to you in general, right in your life. It is something that most people hide. They they don't want to talk about. It's just one of those words that people shy away from. And so when you think about trauma and how it impacts anger, it's possible that it absolutely has impacted. I want to start with an example of how this could possibly kind of turn.
Speaker 3:You think about trauma a lot of times. It's about a loss of control, right? So I don't know. Let's say, you got into a huge fight when you were a kid and now that fight left you hurt and bruised and you just remember this fight when you were a kid and it just imprints on you, this pain of this fight, right, anytime someone gets loud with you, you know you're, you're more of a freeze. I don't want to move because I'm scared. Right, anytime someone gets angry, you're in a fight mode because you're thinking about this fight from your kid, right? So it could be either way, it could be something completely different. But just give me that but is everyone's very different?
Speaker 3:But generally, when you think about this idea of trauma, it is not only printed Right, your brain is meant to protect you at the end of the day, right, it is how it is wired. Your brain is wired to protect. And so if in that situation, when you were a kid, right, and you were in this fight, you were wired to fight and that got you out of it, or you were wired to freeze and that got you out of it, or you were wired to run and that got you out of it, or you were wired to run and that got you out of it, then your brain said, all right, this thing right here protected you. So let's say, because we're talking about anger, fight. Right, you fought your way through that situation and you got out of it. Right, great, so fighting helped you get out of that situation. So now your brain says, okay, we're going to fight, we're going to fight to protect you. And so anytime you get into another situation and where you feel threatened, now you go to fight, because your brain has now said, hey, this worked in the past. Your brain continues to think that through. So, as you go through life and you go through situations that might be similar to that situation from your trauma, your brain's going to react in the same way because, hey, it's helped you then, so it's going to help you now.
Speaker 3:However, how about when you get older and you get into a situation where you're at school and you feel like your teacher has threatened you? Can you go fighting this teacher in order to get your way? You'd be kicked out of school. All types of things can happen, right, but our brain has automatically said, hey, fighting has worked for you before. So what do you mean? You can't fight now, and so you're conflicting with your automatic nervous system processes, right, and so in order to fix that, you have to regulate. You have to understand that this is even happening to you.
Speaker 3:In order to fix that, you have to go back and kind of fix that trauma from way back when, right, and all the times that it's happened and it's continued to prove itself to be correct. Because things that served you and protected you when you were younger doesn't mean that they serve and protect you now. Younger doesn't mean that they serve and protect you now. And so oftentimes, with anger, right, people just automatically fight, flight or freeze or fawn. We've added fawn over the years from a trauma perspective. But these ideas that this is how people react and while one of those things may have served you where fight may have served you because I don't know, anger, threatening, whatever it was that made you feel this way may have served you, is it going to always serve you? It's not, and if we don't go back and start to heal some of those trauma wounds, we won't ever be able to fix it moving forward.
Speaker 3:So at what point do you decide to go talk to a therapist? At what point do you decide I need a coach? At what point do you decide to go talk to a therapist? At what point do you decide I need a coach? At what point do you decide that maybe I need to heal my inner child? Right. At what point do you decide that you need to work on your bodily awareness and emotion? Right? At what point do you say okay, I feel sweaty, I feel hot, I'm noticing that these things are going on with me and so you have to deal with your trauma in that way because you're feeling it throughout your body. Right, you got to make those decisions so you can make those changes, and without stopping to start looking at that trauma and how it impacted you.
Speaker 3:Right, what they call like trauma reaction. Right, you're reacting from your trauma. You're not reacting out of what's going on right now in your life. You're reacting from something that happened way back then and you don't even recognize. And so this is why you know hear me say this over and over and over and over Noticing is so important in the process. Can I notice that this is the case? And then can I be honest enough with myself to say, yeah, every time I get mad, I fight somebody, right, every time I get angry, this is what I've been doing and it's proved to work for me most of my life.
Speaker 3:However, now that I'm an adult, or now that I'm in college, or whatever that looks like now that you're older, does it still serve you now, or is it just getting you in trouble, right? Does it still serve you now, or is it getting you fired from jobs? Does it serve you now or are it just getting you in trouble, right? Does it still serve you now, or is it getting you fired from jobs? Does it serve you now, or are you just feel like you're stuck in a space, and so it's important that you really start to stop and sit with yourself and say, okay, thank you for serving me back then, but I need to serve me now.
Speaker 3:And what is the new way that I can say that I can now move forward? When this happens, I need to stop. When I feel the emotion, instead of just immediately reacting, I need to focus on what this thing is that is making me react so negatively or so such in a in a in a fight way. Right, you got to start working with somebody to start breaking some of that down so that you can stop trauma reacting. Right, because every time you get mad or threatened or whatever, the actual trauma is Right. You can't go around doing that same thing because it's not going to continue to serve you as an adult.
Speaker 3:Maybe it protected you then and you can honor that that the young. You did survive because of that. You can still honor that Right. Thank you to the younger me that helped me survive. I appreciate you. I Making sure that it's serving you in your adulthood and as you get older. How can you change that to make yourself the better person now? Because if not, you're just still acting like the same young person that was back in that fight a few years ago.
Speaker 3:Right, and whatever the trauma is, this is a similar pattern, right, you'll find the pattern, but you got to find the pattern in your life and what that looks like. You never go back and say I'm going to look at my trauma, understand the patterns, the lies and things that I've told myself about this pattern, how it is quote unquote, not helped me. What I've told all of that matters, right, and that's a lot to sit with in one person by themselves. This is why people go to therapy. This is why they get a coach, right, this is why you know the work needs to be done.
Speaker 3:But you got to be willing to sit with yourself to do the work, and that is the hardest part of it, because nobody wants to sit and cry and talk and think about this old thing that happened back then. They feel like they've gotten over it. They never oh, it's fine, I don't worry about it, it's nothing, okay. No, you suppressed it. Right, it's not. Oh, it's fine, I don't worry about it, it's not there, okay. No, you suppressed it, right, it's not that it's fine, it's just. You're really good at suppression. So how can you, instead of suppressing and just feeling and doing the same thing, feel and heal, all right, because that is what's going to move us forward, that is when we get us to our goals and move us in the direction I want.
Speaker 2:It seems like everything starts with the self-awareness. If someone has a friend or family member that's not self-aware, what is the one thing that you can share to kind of prompt that self-awareness?
Speaker 3:Prompting self-awareness. I think it's something that you have to be willing to do. The first step is knowing that you got a problem right that age old say it. It really is that first step, that knowing you have a problem if you are not willing to be self-aware. I think that's part of the problem. You can't make someone else be self-aware. You can tell them all day long you are the problem and you are the issue, and pointing fingers is not helpful, right?
Speaker 3:If you're a family member and you're dealing with someone that has concerns or issues, pointing the finger is never going to get them to be self-aware. Inviting them to a meeting, inviting them to say, hey, I know someone, would you like to talk to them about this? You know, being empathetic, those things matter, right? Those things knowing that, hey, I'm here to listen to you about whatever and did not judge whatever they say, just listen. Right, because those things open the doors for people to be willing to start to talk. People are never going to talk to you if they don't feel a safety, right, and so if you can create a moment of peace, of safety to someone else, then they're way more willing to start having those conversations and way more willing to then become self-aware, but the wall will be up until you know people feel that safety around them.
Speaker 2:Today we got a lot of good stuff on anger, managing anger and how it relates to trauma. I guess if you need more, you got to reach out and get that coach. Demetria, get that Lifeline. Okay, listen, demetria, love it. You have a wonderful rest of the day.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to the Doves Inner Beauty podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. For a complimentary consultation, visit DovesInnerBeautycom or call 336-298-6599. That's 336-298-6599. That's 336-298-6599.