S2E11 - The Internet Remains Undefeated

Wellllllll....the boys just had a fun chat about how the internet has totally changed everything—from the way we scroll through social media, obsess over online reviews, and even complain to customer service. There were some hilarious stories about brutal reviews, how picking a restaurant isn’t the same anymore, and why a friend’s “you HAVE to try this place” still beats any algorithm. Basically a trip down memory lane mixed with laughing at the chaos the digital world has brought to eating out and dealing with businesses.

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Transcript

Speaker 2 (00:00.236)
manager of Noah's Seafood Restaurant replies, if you came late and your table was given away, how did you manage to eat the lobster that we don't sell?

What was that lady's name?

Jeremy as well.

You know

Are you just looking up Jeremy reviews?

Speaker 1 (00:17.902)
Gotcha, bitch!

you

Speaker 3 (00:38.798)
to start the show.

not another cadence, please.

Speaker 3 (00:45.806)
No,

Six, nine, six, nine.

Nice.

I actually did a promote the show during the outage. I did. They're talking about, you know, us having to drive out to the locations and, you know, they figured everything out remotely. So then we had to drive back. So we had a, we had a, large outage today. Keller, a lot of us network, network engineers had to drive out to sites that

no.

Speaker 2 (01:24.046)
Uh, we could not reach remotely. So a couple of us had some long drives. I had a two and a half hour drive to Ocala and one of the other guys had, I think two hours to Tampa from Fort Myers or something like that. I was, I was nine minutes away from one of the locations when they figured out how to get into it and fix it remotely.

Well, I'm having an outage right now because I'm drinking.

Okay.

Speaker 1 (02:04.022)
If you see my left blinker on, you know why.

what are we talking about today?

The internet is undefeated.

Yes, it is.

We're in the age of information. And that information is doing things to us. It's changing our lives. It's giving us fancy little apps.

Speaker 1 (02:27.948)
changing our genders.

I don't think it does.

I think it does.

The information.

Let me just kill all the inertia there.

Speaker 1 (02:39.982)
Yeah!

Your hair is getting awfully long, Jeremy.

Thanks man, yours isn't.

You

The beard is coming back though. It's coming back in a little bit there. Yeah

Speaker 3 (02:53.868)
You look like Tim McGraw.

thank you.

this a little bit I will give you that

Bought a coke and some gas.

It's great when Steven Seagal gives you compliments. It's amazing.

Speaker 3 (03:07.234)
Most welcome.

Ha ha ha.

Speaker 1 (03:13.13)
Under Siege, four and a half.

Horrible cigar.

So keep telling us, Jeremy, why has the internet changed our lives? What are we talking about?

Social media is one thing everyone knows about Facebook and some of you kids know about MySpace, but there's also Craigslist and we don't give it enough appreciation. It's still around. It's not in its glory days.

we still have personals on there?

Speaker 3 (03:43.042)
They do.

No.

I think they think they do. They have missed connections. I pulled up a story.

Speaker 2 (03:54.338)
The old I saw you.

back in 2012 to the girl who attempted a B &E this morning. So apparently I'll just read it. Okay, I'm going to read this one. Hi, I'm a guy whose house you tried breaking into this morning around 930 a.m. Our conversation was short. You only said, my gosh, my gosh, as you saw me staring back at you through the door blinds. Still, I feel we made a good connection.

reading them.

Speaker 3 (04:24.268)
Separated by only inches the door and the two locks you were trying to pick I gave you 15 minutes to make your getaway You're welcome. By the way, I don't know if you were with a professional crew, but please don't try to break into my house again I'd hate to shoot your cute freckled face. However, if you're up for a legal encounter, I'm game You know the one

you

What a a what a what a paradox, right? Like

She breaks into his house and he's still trying to spit game.

Like, what do you do?

Speaker 3 (05:05.304)
Like I almost shot you in the fucking neck.

With my dick.

No, sword.

With there, Mike.

consent

Speaker 3 (05:21.55)
Always with consent.

man.

That's so I could I consider Craig's list personal is like the Maury Maury Povich of personal

It's very white trash ghetto. yeah. Very white trash ghetto. But I mean, what if they actually did fucking meet up and they hit it off?

I feel like she would steal, steal his shit.

Speaker 2 (05:54.913)
She was there for a reason.

She already stole his heart.

Aww, such a love story. The only thing she left was the chlamydia.

Speaker 2 (06:09.038)
You got any more?

They started to get a little lame after a while, but we used to sit around and read the casual encounters to each other. We'd go through and we'd find a good one. Like, I'm behind the Albertsons on 13th street. Come by and we'll have a good time with this loaf of bread.

Speaking of sales.

Red in the buns.

Some of it wasn't even about sex. Let's stand around and put a bunch of rubber ducks in a pool.

Speaker 2 (06:43.224)
What?

Just.

random shit. I don't know where it originated but there was one on a college campus and this might not have been Craigslist but it's still the power of social media and the internet. This guy made a claim that he was going to drink an entire gallon of milk in the courtyard of the college and invited everyone and they all showed up to watch this guy chug a gallon of muke

A puke. a fucking... No! Muke!

Milk? Milk? Puke? Unless you get rhyming, Duke. It was a fluke.

Speaker 2 (07:25.847)
you

No.

Speaker 3 (07:30.744)
They all came to watch him chug a whole gallon of milk and then puke everywhere.

so there was Pew, okay.

Yeah, there was puke and a massive crowd showed up to watch this guy chug. They didn't know he was going to puke, but I mean, you kind of do if you're going to chug a gallon of

Now was that on the Internet?

That was on the internet.

Speaker 1 (07:54.766)
Where can we see him? This man chugged milk compute.

Let me look it up while you guys-

That beautiful beam footage.

I found some excellent, bad restaurant reviews with the restaurant replying with excellent replies, absolutely destroying the bad reviewer. Here's one ordered a waffle to find a fingernail and hair on my food. Absolutely shocking customer services. I was told I would have to wait another hour to get a fresh one. I asked for a refund, but never received one.

wouldn't send my worst enemy here. Reply from the owner of the restaurant. Our restaurant is not even open yet, so this is impossible. We open May 12th, just in case anyone thinks this is remotely true.

Speaker 1 (08:49.838)
Maybe it was an old owner.

I don't know.

Vindictive bitches.

This one, this one was good. Don't go. The muscles were rubbery. The scallops were hard and overcooked in the Luglini was inedible and coated in hot sauce. I like heat, but this was all heat and no flavor. The worst part, however, was that we waited 60 minutes for just an appetizer of French fries, which was the only good part of the meal and 90 minutes for entrees. I think our waitress simply forgot to put in our order.

I remember where this place was. I remember when this place was Martins many years ago. What a shame it was either an off in quotes day or others were paid Yelp reviews. But what we experienced was an establishment ready for kitchen nightmares. So the business owner replies Jeremy.

Speaker 3 (09:52.354)
Hey, that's me. Fuck that place.

Something seemed very wrong about this review. So I consulted my staff, checked our security cameras and our point of sale system in attempt to corroborate your story. We discovered your account of the events as described as above is a complete fabrication. In other words, a lie. We have clear video footage of you with your family with timestamps as well as timestamps on all the orders.

and checks for your table. And then he goes on and lists every single timestamp to 18. Jeremy and family sat down to 19. Michelle brings menus to 1935. Weight, water and utensils arrives to 28. Order Prince and kitchen to 58. Appetizer arrives. Now I did find that kind of strange. 30 minutes for an appetizer. That is a little long.

Yeah. But that's why you had the right to complain, Jeremy.

Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 (10:59.992)
But then, but then 10 minutes later, the entrees arrived and they devoured the entree in 12 minutes. he goes on and says they left two minutes later and then eight minutes later, Jeremy posts the fraudulent review. You then goes, we're reporting you.

We are reporting you and this review to Yelp and I will be adding a link to this reply so everyone can see your receipts, the kitchen receipt and the stills of the security cameras with timestamps. For those taking the time to read this reply, I would also like to point out that not only is Jeremy a liar and someone that likes to eat food, he and his family ordered that get it, then get it taken off the bill. He also left zero tip for his server who has been waiting on.

80 minutes.

man, I'm a real piece of shit.

No tip. Eating all the damn food.

Speaker 2 (12:05.666)
We take our service and food preparation very seriously. We go to great lengths to attend to the needs of our customers and offer the best possible dining experience. We're always open to honest, constructive criticism. I can't talk today. Your review, however, is a total sham and you should be ashamed of yourself. If for no other reason than the example you're setting for your children.

Speaker 2 (12:31.618)
Jeremy, what are you doing?

Well, I got one that has been floating around the internet that's pretty hilarious for a little Caesar's is a review that was on Yale. They got five stars. says Kevin is the guy's name stopped into this little Caesar's just trying to get a $6 pizza and ended up in a full on action movie. Just as I grabbed my order, this furious do

Dude barges in yelling about how I cut him off in traffic earlier before I could respond. He throws a punch, but then out of nowhere, the guy behind the counter jumps over it like he's been waiting for this moment his whole life. It just beats the living hell out of the guy. The guy ran off and the cashier just dusts himself off. I said, are you okay, man? And he looked at me dead in my eyes and said, bitch, this little Caesar's we always hot and ready.

Five stars will absolutely return.

Absolutely. That's good.

Speaker 1 (13:40.366)
Yeah

Speaker 2 (13:45.838)
Here's one from Noah Seafood restaurant. The service was good. The food wasn't good. The lobster. The food wasn't good. The lobster. We had a reservation at 7 p.m. and we came in a little late and our table was given away after 10 minutes. Although there were plenty of empty tables. The manager of Noah Seafood restaurant replies. If you came late and your table was given away, how did you manage to eat the lobster that we don't sell?

What was that lady's name?

Jeremy as well.

You know, are you?

just looking up Jeremy reviews

Speaker 1 (14:25.326)
Gotcha, bitch!

There's been a lot of cases where people will come together and review bomb the shit out of some restaurants. There was one place, man, I got in on it, too. We were told that one of the guys was racist to one of our friends. So and he was the business owner. So we all reviewed him that we know as a white. Yeah, we fucking took him to town. No.

He was right.

Speaker 1 (15:00.042)
What? Yeah, there'd be a racist too. Who had to be a white man.

he's white minded

Speaker 1 (15:10.958)
Yeah, just like all this shit with the cracker barrel.

but that guy's out of business now. But yeah, all this shit with all the shit with Cracker Barrel with them changing the logo.

you see their stock drop significantly because of that?

Yeah, over a fucking photo.

Over a logo.

Speaker 3 (15:32.992)
Well, they were going to it wasn't just the logo, they were going to change the buildings to you know how McDonald's is very modernized. You've got Chipotle, all those they just look like square modern buildings.

my God, they were going to make it more comfortable.

No, It goes deeper than that. I found out it's because the franchisees don't own the land. They're renting the building a lot of times. So if they can't pay their bill, it gets kicked out. If they want to ever sell that space in the future, they don't have a building that can only be used for a McDonald's or only a Pizza Hut. So they make the buildings look more modernized.

No

Speaker 3 (16:19.682)
They can just swap signs and change functions and sell it to whomever.

That's so

conspiracy theory about fast food restaurants that they are purposely making the seating inside uncomfortable so that you just get your food and go. So that way they can cycle people in and out.

Well, now I can keep pay kiosk. They don't even like to come to the counter. I like ordered food ahead. so I could go get it on my lunch break and be real quick about it. And I sat there for like 15 minutes while they just walked by me. was like, Hey, waving and everything else. They just ignored the shit out of me.

talk to the little robot.

Speaker 2 (17:05.518)
or go to Little Caesar's.

Well, meanwhile, food was just sitting there the whole time I was staring at. probably should have just walked back there and got it. But speaking of chain restaurants, I got another one from Outback. This lady, Diane, gave him one star. It says, I am absolutely livid. My husband drove all the way to pick up our Outback order and you people forgot the Bloomin' Uggen. That was the only thing I wanted. A little bit later, she drops another one, five stars.

My fat husband ate the bloomin' onion in the closet wide. I'm sorry, I don't know how to delete reviews.

Speaker 1 (17:51.925)
They're doing their thing. left. They did give her the bloomin' audience.

Not only was it her husband, it was her fat husband.

you

She was so pissed at her husband that she said in the review, she was fat. He was fat. Here's one. Here's a good one. Sat at the bar with my friend tonight for an hour and she never got served. Bartender was rude. Response from the owner. Your friend was intoxicated to the point of falling down. She was cut off. It would have been illegal to serve her if she needs help. Seek AA.org.

You

Speaker 2 (18:37.07)
Seriously though, if you need help, cka.org.

I'll just serious it out. I need help. I don't think they can help me.

Michael's sponsor.

I will, I'll sponsor you.

I'll sponsor you too. Keller, are gonna sponsor someone?

Speaker 1 (18:56.814)
What does that entail?

Well, fuck him. Like, comment, and subscribe. Drop us a little note if you need a sponsor. again, we may or may not respond.

I'll respond. Yeah. There used to be four members to this podcast. Michael's Siamese twin that they separated from him.

Miguel?

Yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:28.162)
No,

I'm sorry.

Spical.

Fuck it, call him Pykel.

I got a review here, but I don't know where it's from. It just says Brooklyn, New York, but it says one star, the entire kitchen and wait staff saw an ice cream truck and ran outside, leaving me alone in the restaurant. 10 minutes later, they all come back with ice cream cones. I still can't believe this actually happened.

Speaker 3 (19:54.382)
They just break.

Can you imagine? You imagine just everybody drops their stuff and runs out.

Probably wasn't Blue Bill.

Jeremy, going back to the, the review bombing.

Let's take it back. Let's go.

Speaker 2 (20:09.678)
Have you ever positive reviewed a bomb a positive bomb review to place because you know, they weren't getting enough traffic or something and you knew the place was good.

Yeah, I've been trying to do that a lot more. I don't know, I jumped on the bandwagon to help some friends with the one situation, but normally I get annoyed if people ask me for reviews, especially if it's like they say it to every customer kind of thing and circle the thing on the receipt. Here, check this out. I'm like, the way I feel is it's three stars.

I'm not going to bother leaving you a three star review because that's not going to do that's going to hurt you more than help you. If you if you actually do go above and beyond just giving me my fucking food and impress me. Yeah, I'll leave a review. And if you do the opposite, yeah, I'll leave a review, but I'm not I don't just give reviews anymore.

Right.

My reviews are more word of mouth. just tell other people it was awful.

Speaker 3 (21:22.934)
Or if you guys remember when we were growing up, we didn't have any of this shit. Uncle Ross would say that, yeah, I went to the Italian restaurant downtown and it was phenomenal. And you'd go there and uncle Ross doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. you don't leave a note on the wall and everyone that comes in can read these notes. This place sucks. We didn't have that shit.

was the opposite. was by word of mouth, like Keller was saying that this place was the shit and they didn't do any advertising or anything. Nobody knew about this place except by word of mouth. And it was in like a nondescript location. So not everybody knew where to go. They didn't have a sign on the side of the road. Nothing. There was a place in when I was growing up in Jacksonville.

It was called pizza blue and it was just over the Julianton Creek bridge in fruit Cove and it was the best damn pizza place in town. And we think it was run by the mafia, but it was.

So he, so good jobs for a guy like little side jobs. And, he always had tons of money and lived on the river. wasn't like a super fancy house, but he was like getting a old charger dynoed and all this other shit that costs some money. And I was like, I don't know what the fuck this man does, but he looks like he's, he's killed people for a living. Then I brought, our friend, our B friend, Rex into it.

And he was over there. He's like, you're right. This guy seems like he was in the mafia or something. And later on down the road, guess what he owns? A funeral home. Sounds like here's your side tracks. That's the kind of tracks, right?

Speaker 3 (23:15.384)
Could be laundering. I knew of someone that they weren't necessarily in the mafia, but they laundered their money.

But every time you go over there, you get at least a hundred dollars. So he would say, I have a problem with something. go over and find out it's just like a surge protector that was switched off, switch it back on. Here's a hundred dollars. Thank you for your time. We called them the hundred dollar man. It was wild.

You

Speaker 3 (23:45.474)
He was smuggling shit in those caskets. You saw bad boys.

Maybe, you never know. Two. Never know.

us too.

was still a bad boy, so I wasn't sure if it was one or two, so I just threw the name. Thanks for picking it up.

Definitely too.

Speaker 3 (24:02.296)
boys is bad. Bad. Bad boys. They should redo that as a live action, but replace them with sheep.

I was going to, I thought you were going to say, replace them with Chris Rock.

That would be fucking hilarious. Do a parody of Bad Boys, but have Chris Rock play Will Smith.

No gun fights, just slapping.

And the captain's just jaded pink it with a mustache. And shiny ball.

Speaker 3 (24:31.502)
You

whoosh.

We know y'all

We better stop, we're all gonna get slapped.

This flood of information, I feel like it does have its negative effects too. And one of the biggest is traffic. I was just talking with someone today that growing up in Orlando. Yeah, it's always busy, but as a local, you know the shortcuts. So you can just kind of dodge in and out of it and make your time and be good. And now everyone has Google Maps. Everyone knows the shortcuts.

Speaker 3 (25:12.074)
Everyone knows where to go and all the streets are flooded and everyone's going every

It still surprises me though, like when, you you still take those roads, you still stick that path, if somebody's taking it along with you, you're like, where did this person find this out? What? How? How?

But sometimes they're just going home and you follow them.

Oh, well then you've also got like the state parks and and the local gems and things like that like The Springs for example you used to be able to get up and and go to the Springs at a reasonable time you know eight o'clock in the morning if you really wanted to make sure you got in there in time and now they line you up and they hand out tickets and if your ticket is if

They run out of tickets. You don't get in and that's it. And people start lining up at 536 in the morning. Yeah, so we can't even get into our favorite Springs that we grew up in.

Speaker 1 (26:21.614)
I got a hat for you. Just, just tell them that you, piss all in that. And the stream then they'll give up their tickets.

Alligators piss in that they don't care

Yeah. Or like see my brother, Chris, he shit all in this last time he was here and it was all smeared over a rock.

But which rock was it?

Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:46.914)
You guys ever shit in the woods?

Of

Did it on the way home today.

I've shit in, in, in, a back of my vehicle and the woods behind a, now it was in, but was that the time you saved me?

Yeah, that's what I saved you. You locked yourself in your van.

Speaker 2 (27:12.764)
What? You lock yourself in your van?

Yeah, it was it wasn't an Arby's it was not an Arby's

think we talked about this in episode one.

That was the case.

In I were just one inside Arby's.

Speaker 2 (27:27.47)
On our premiere episode in season one we talked about really I don't remember

So yeah, we'll refresh your memory. Keller really had the shit. So we got in the back of his work van and

There was a box and I sat on the little butt box and shit inside this box and they had plastic liner and everything. So was all super neat. I had my wipes and all that and I tidy up and tape this box closed and have plastic all over it. And then I go to get out and the door is locked. It's like summertime too. And I'm like panicking and I'm like trying to get this thing open and I can't.

my gosh.

And so then I'm like, oh, shit, I'm glad I can't call my manager. Like, I cannot call my manager to come get me out the back of this van after I just shit in a box.

Speaker 1 (28:26.862)
So I called Jeremy. was like, Hey, are you close to here? He's like, not really, but I can be. I was like, yeah, I'm going to need you to be. I'm like, nothing. I'm just locked in the back of my van. He's like, what were you doing back there? was like, I had to tell him the whole story.

Were you were you guys close at the time or?

Not that close, no.

this is your bonding experience.

I mean, I was one of the only people you talked to in the yard, so we were becoming friends.

Speaker 1 (28:59.458)
Sure.

Speaker 1 (29:06.951)
okay. Yeah. I would never call it Mike, because he's too judgmental.

Yeah.

I would have judged you so bad.

It's so bad. You're judging me right now. This happened years ago or more. Well, I don't know how long ago. Not 10 years ago. Let's say seven years ago. That seems more accurate.

I am judging you right now.

Speaker 1 (29:34.626)
Yeah, but I have my share places of having to go.

I don't know how we got on that. I wish you know what I wish you could do and we should start this app guys if you're listening and you you know how to do this kind of shit I know it's an app we need to review bathroom

Neither.

Speaker 2 (29:55.982)
Yep, I was just gonna say there's gotta be a bathroom wrap somewhere.

I don't know, but then would it ruin all the secret shit spots?

Of course, absolutely it would.

Like that Publix that used to be close to your house.

Ugh.

Speaker 1 (30:12.59)
I know I've shit in there. I've shit in all the Publix's. It's nice and clean and secluded. It looks like no one's ever used the Publix bathroom except for me when I go in there. It's so nice.

Where shitting is a pleasure.

the racetrack gas stations were always the best ones for me. They had the most solid. The new ones. Yes, the new ones. Yes, not the

over the most.

You've been hit or miss for me because someone always likes to go in there and blast a massive shit and not sit down first.

Speaker 2 (30:48.468)
no, it was, it was always a problem for me because every time I would go to gate, there was usually one stall of the old ones. And when I'm there, I got to go. So I always needed a multiple stall place to be able to do my thing.

Well, you could always lock yourself in the back of your van.

I won't say I haven't before, but I something similar.

But only, I've only shit my pants once, I'm good. I'm on a record.

You got that you got that that work sign how many days less it's less your pants

Speaker 1 (31:37.078)
The only one and only time and there was nothing I could do. It was in the mountains. There was no woods around me. It was just town homes like so you got approximately like 30 people and like a 200 foot section and nothing around.

Well guys, tell us about your internet undefeated stories. Like, comment and subscribe on the state on the fuck all this shit. Fuck it. Yeah.

Fuck,

Right in the pussy.

Speaker 2 (32:13.772)
Like, comment, subscribe and all of our socials guys. Let us know how you think the Internet is undefeated and what your best stories from the Internet are.

And don't shit yourself.

You know, we didn't give Keller the opportunity last time, so I think we should give Keller the opportunity. Keller, why don't you take us out?

He did. said, don't shit yourself. That's how we ended. Don't shit yourself.

Don't shit yourself. But I can't say it. so like shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush,

Speaker 3 (32:44.834)
One more time, Keller.

Don't shit your pants.

Okay, one more time.

Don't shit yourself.

You gotta say peace, motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (32:57.804)
Motherfucker!

One more time.

Peace.

Motherfucker.

you

Speaker 1 (33:10.83)
you

you

Speaker 3 (33:20.078)
you

you

Speaker 2 (33:37.346)
Del Bred podcast is Daniel Keller, Jeremy Pope and Michael Kalysnik recorded live at SMG Studios, Division of SMG Communications. Executive producers Michael Kalysnik and Tony Skippersen Clark.