S2E14 - The Applicant

This time on the Stale Bread Podcast:

The boys throw professionalism out the window and play an unhinged job interview game called “The Applicant.” One by one, they apply for increasingly ridiculous jobs while the others act like deeply unhelpful hiring managers, offering vague, ominous, and mildly concerning job requirements. Chaos ensues.

Things spiral quickly into absurdity—highlights include shocking realization that these “careers” are uniquely absurd. Along the way, they swap horror stories from their own work lives, featuring painfully awkward interviews and workplaces that feel more like fever dreams than jobs.

The result is a rapid-fire mix of roasting, nonsense, and oddly relatable job trauma. It’s hilarious, a little unhinged, and somehow still manages to poke fun at how strange the job market really is—while making you very grateful for the normalcy of a job we have.

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Chapters

• 1:54 The Interviews Begin
• 6:49 Things Take a Turn
• 10:25 A New Challenge Appears
• 12:17 This Feels Questionable
• 18:22 Nobody Saw This Coming
• 29:48 Real Job Talk
• 32:01 Wrapping Up the Madness

Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00.13)
Well, Jeremy, I am a former porn producer. Been filming, filming live sets for many, many years. I'm very hands on guy. And I really like, I like to, I like to take, take the lead if you know what I mean.

Well, Keller, Dusty Rhodes gave his answer.

Yeah, I'm great with children.

Speaker 1 (00:35.624)
Nice job, Jeff Epstein.

there.

Speaker 1 (00:44.622)
you

Speaker 1 (00:53.683)
All right. Welcome back. Welcome back. Today's show. Jeremy, you want to explain what we're doing?

Well, since you started the recording without me, sure, I'll dive right in. We're going to be talking about gerbs. Mike, take it from there.

What?

He took our derps!

Chirps!

Speaker 2 (01:28.29)
Jerb-a-jerb-jerbs-jerbs. I need a jerk!

Today's show is called The Applicant. And what's gonna happen is we've all found a off the wall job, something that's kind of weird. One person is going to be the person applying for the job, but they don't know what they're gonna be doing. And the other person is going to be telling them the requirements of the job without telling them what the job is. And at the end of the interview, we're gonna try to guess what the job is.

Alright, so who's fucking who?

Or have you guys set up a specific person for your application?

not okay but I would like to do the interview or be the interviewer first okay

Speaker 3 (02:14.338)
Mike, go ahead, Mike.

Alright, I'll be I'll be the applicant. God here we go.

Oh, please come in. Have a seat. Mike, is it Mike? Act like it's a real air view. You to shape up and put on a tie, you fucker.

But this is Yeah, like.

Speaker 1 (02:31.796)
Listen, listen, you want me to work for you. just don't know.

Hey, hey, it's a me killer. How you doing today Mike? Hey Doing I'm doing

Hey, hey, don't.

Speaker 3 (02:46.294)
Don't mind me, I'm just going to be overwatching the process and making sure that policies are being followed. Please continue.

shit!

we got HR. We got HR in the house. Excellent.

Hey Mike, can you shit in this bag? I need to go to the laundromat.

Speaker 1 (03:08.014)
Sure can. I like it in a pizza box.

I'm glad you came in today about the job and filled out application for it. I you have some experience in this field before. It looks like you spent a couple years doing this. Can you remind me of what the last place was called that you worked at?

yeah, I worked at a Jewish deli in Brooklyn, New York.

called the Jewish Deli in Brooklyn, New York. That's a very odd name. Okay. Well, with this job, you have certain safety and responsibilities that go along with it. So I had a couple of questions to make sure you're the right fit for this job. How do you feel about coworkers who occasionally shed their work clothes and leave them lying around?

Yes.

Speaker 1 (04:01.496)
Totally okay with that.

Totally okay with that. Okay. Did that happen a lot at the New York deli? Okay. If there was a job that required wearing like very thick gloves, but also demanded like delicate touch, would you be up to that?

Yeah, great.

Speaker 1 (04:10.787)
Did.

Speaker 1 (04:23.171)
no, can't wear gloves. Unfortunately.

man. Well, what if we get them sized to your hands?

They have to be custom.

Have to be cussed. Well, I think we can handle that, though. All right. Well, have you ever tried like drinking juice out of a Capri Sun without bending the straw wrong?

Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:46.634)
Okay, well that would help with this job. It definitely would. On a scale of one to surgeon, how steady are your hands when holding something kind of wiggly?

Like a one

A one? Yeah. Okay. We might have to work with that and might have to get you up to that that surgeon there because this is a dangerous job. All right. When the last time you stared danger directly on the face and didn't blink first, have you? When's the last time that's happened?

blink first. man. It's been a long time, know, staring staring at those that those meat bones in the deli man.

Yeah, I feel you. Well, this final question here. So how do you feel about coworkers who hiss when stressed?

Speaker 1 (05:48.416)
hiss when stressed.

Yeah.

Hiss. When stressed.

Yeah, did that happen the deli a

No, definitely not. Didn't have any live bodies there.

Speaker 2 (06:02.998)
I'm surprised that that didn't happen. Well, we that's the interview. I think you're a pretty good candidate for for this job. Maybe we'll give you a call. Maybe we won't. Maybe we'll just never call you again and you can go back to your deli. You fuck.

I don't want to be your fluffer.

Is that what you think this job is sir?

Yeah!

No, we don't. All right. We're going to call the police and get you out here because this is for a snake milker position.

Speaker 1 (06:38.579)
milker. What the fuck is this thing?

Dirty dirty man

I'm fucking pissed.

What?

You would have got it, wouldn't you?

Speaker 3 (06:49.696)
No, because my interview to Keller was to be a fluffer.

No!

No, it wasn't.

you

Hahaha!

Speaker 2 (07:07.438)
Well, I you got to replay on that one. well, Mike has failed the interview.

I the interview. didn't get the job.

He did not get the job.

Jeremy, you want me to go while you come up with something else?

Yeah, you wanna do color?

Speaker 2 (07:29.294)
I guess he probably should since, yeah.

Yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't going to do this like as an interview like that. I was just going more or less for, uh, you know, what the job requirements are.

thought it was pretty fun as an interview. And your last snake milking position was at the New York deli. New York Jewish deli.

Jewish deli.

Speaker 2 (07:57.198)
You milk a lot of snakes there.

Speaker 2 (08:03.951)
One-eyed monsters in the bathroom?

Yeah, alright, so Mr. Mr. Keller, welcome. Welcome in today. I just want to you want to know what your background is as far as education. Looking for some high highly skilled individuals here.

well, my education consists of the DARE program. I walk around and show kids the effects of what drugs have done to people, and it helps steer them away for a positive impact on their life.

You know, that's great because we were really looking for a bachelor's in psychology, neuroscience or behavioral science, but three years relevance in the field is great.

Thank you.

Speaker 1 (08:52.37)
okay. What kind of skills do you have?

I'm pretty good with my hands and touching certain parts of myself.

You think you can do some ethical research as far as your conduct goes?

Ethnic research? Sure.

Not ethnic, ethical.

Speaker 1 (09:19.309)
Ethical research. Yeah, you're gonna do some ethical research.

I'll do ethical, ethnic, whatever you need. I just need this job because I'm out of drug money.

Well, do you think you'll be able to gain a top secret clearance from the military by going through a background check?

That's a little iffy.

Because we're gonna need to pass that you're gonna need to pass a polygraph you need to pass a psych evaluation and you're

Speaker 2 (09:51.067)
shit.

If I do psychedelics, does that help me pass the psych eval?

is we need the people participating to do that, but not the researchers.

So I'm not in the group of researchers this time?

I mean, you could be at this point. So we can throw all that out of the in the window. Yeah, we're talking about possibly looking into people that use certain types of drugs for interrogations.

Speaker 2 (10:15.018)
out the window.

Speaker 2 (10:31.374)
Agent Orange, I'm in.

Okay. We're thinking about possibly hiring also somebody to monitor this as a government body. Would you be willing to monitor the doctors and the patients?

Yeah, is this like a?

Like oversight. A little oversight committee.

Oversight, okay.

Speaker 1 (11:00.59)
Make sure the program goes swimmingly.

Oversight with overbite. I got it.

Yeah, well, all right. Well, I guess I guess we'll get back to you. Well, what's your salary range, by the way? What are you looking for?

million dollars per year.

That's not what we're going to offer. Entry level starts around $60,000 and senior level $120,000. Okay. Well, we'll get back to you,

Speaker 2 (11:24.344)
I'll take it.

Speaker 2 (11:28.854)
Am I?

think you're underqualified.

Am I an interrogator?

over watching doctors and patients.

for the government.

Speaker 2 (11:43.83)
Or the government? I don't know what that would be called. Am I Tyler?

No, you're not Tyler.

You

So you would be working for MKUltra for the CIA.

MKULTRA

Speaker 2 (12:06.574)
Is that part of the military?

So MKUltra was a illegal human experimentation program by the CIA and they illegally gave people drugs and watched it happen.

Yeah, I've seen his shows.

All kinds of stuff.

Yeah, like I said, under qualified.

Speaker 1 (12:28.391)
You

So I was pretty qualified at first I was like, where's my drugs? Yeah

Yes, yes! He's in!

well, I guess I have go back to doing drugs without getting paid.

MKUltra was crazy bro they did like electroshock hypnosis... Yeah verbal and sexual abuse

Speaker 3 (12:51.672)
Kinky.

Speaker 3 (12:56.556)
really, Kinky?

All to see what your breaking limits are.

And then MKUltra was preceded by Project Artichoke.

I don't even want to know, that sounds anal.

Mind control. They tried to, they injected people with LSD and tried to think they could take mind control over them.

Speaker 2 (13:18.382)
Oh that's a pretty cool job, it doesn't pay very well though.

Well, since we have a podcast, now it's time to talk about DMT. That was a Joe Rogan reference, but nevermind.

DMT.

What? You don't know what DMT is? Well, go listen to Joe Rogan.

Speaker 3 (13:39.446)
Alright, so who's looking for a goddamn job in this economy?

I

Well, I guess we're both looking for one.

We're both looking for one, sure.

Yeah, we come at it. It's like stepbrothers. We get hired together or not at all.

Speaker 3 (13:56.938)
Alright, well...

Well my tuxedo t-shirt because it's formal but I like to party

Alright gentlemen, well...

Speaker 3 (14:07.564)
We can interview the both of you, kind of get a feel for your managerial styles. And then we'll be in contact.

Thank you lesbian.

What the fuck? Do I look like Rosie O'Donnell?

Speaker 1 (14:25.262)
She got dick holes in her pants.

Alright, this question is for Mike.

big budget.

Okay, Keller. How do you usually handle actors who have trouble delivering their performance on cue?

I try to pep them up get them ready for the scene feel energetic

Speaker 3 (14:56.664)
Alright, Keller this is for you as well. What's your strategy for keeping long shoots running smoothly without losing energy on set?

administering cocaine

Well, I mean, this is Hollywood. All right, Mike, lighting is key. How do you make sure the focus stays on the main performance and not the background noise?

Got people on the lights, bro. I mean, we got, we got, we got gaffers. We got people running this big show.

Lighten it up.

Speaker 2 (15:27.68)
a real real guy looking for this job. Hell yeah. Gaffers. All right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry lesbian friend. I gave him cocaine.

I want this job now.

Speaker 3 (15:42.496)
Alright, I'm gonna have to edit the shit out of this. Well Mike, you know you're lighting, let's talk about something similar. Some scenes require unusual camera angles. Are you comfortable getting very close to the action? Or do you use your zoom?

definitely all up in this shit. We're putting plastic on top of the cameras, whatever we gotta do.

Dexter style.

Yeah, we're shooting with iPhones because it's going to get messy.

Keller, if a scene requires multiple performers, how do you keep everyone in sync so that nobody gets off cue?

Speaker 2 (16:21.304)
God, I've already answered this so many times. Cocaine.

Well, so far this is really easy race. All right, well, we're nearing the end here of my questions. So, Keller, would you say you're better at filming long, drawn out storylines or short flicks?

Usually short flicks.

Mike, sometimes actors need lot of physical direction. You're already yelling cut and action. You're getting the crew to do what they need to do. Are you confident at giving specific instructions to people in the flight?

I'm all up in this. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (17:04.835)
Gotcha.

Why are you still in your New York Jewish jelly for

There you go.

Sorry lesbian friend.

God, What the fuck? All right, well, before we get to the last two questions, Mike, why don't you tell me a little bit about your background and why your background fits this job?

Speaker 1 (17:37.954)
Well, Jeremy, I am a former porn producer. Been filming, filming live sets for many, many years. I'm very hands on guy. And I really like, I like to, I like to take, take the lead if you know what I mean.

Well, Keller, Dusty Rhodes gave his answer.

Yeah, I'm great with children.

Speaker 2 (18:12.076)
Haha

Nice job, Jeff Epstein.

No, it's nothing like that, but I have the I keep them in line

Speaker 2 (18:26.67)
I used to work for...

Just stop, just stop.

Speaker 2 (18:38.338)
shit! I have experience working with children on the Cosby show.

Ha

Speaker 2 (18:49.959)
my gosh.

Alright.

Breathing. Okay, well, Mike Keller's not getting this job. I'm just putting that out there right now.

got it figured.

Alright, so I can ass- it's safe to assume that you're comfortable yelling things like cut, do it again, but add another finger,

Speaker 2 (19:10.54)
Speaker 1 (19:20.926)
Absolutely. yeah.

Yep. Well, Mike, based on your prior experience, we are in fact looking for an experienced porn director. So you're

What do know? I it was getting set up for being like a gay porn actor or something. No.

be a trick it wasn't gonna

Speaker 3 (19:46.414)
Wait. We got a moral debate here. You would rather be working with kids than do gay porn?

Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 (19:54.294)
Of

I don't want to have prior experience with gay porn, so I'll tell them kids.

Not with porn, but...

Do you own an island?

No, I mean, I would work with kids.

Speaker 3 (20:11.608)
This is just the government's daily reminder to release the files.

Alright, I got you the cookie.

Speaker 2 (20:22.655)
man.

I kept Jeremy. kept waiting. I kept waiting and I thought you were going to just knock us over and I'm like, so I went, I went total curve ball and decided to get as disgusting and low as possible.

That was as disgusting as you could get.

now. Yes. Yes.

My vanilla friend.

Speaker 1 (20:51.598)
what kind of interviews have we been on that have been just absolute trash, absolutely good?

Oh, I got caught lying in one. Yeah, I went to had an interview for Publix warehouse. I was probably like 19 and they're paying really good at time. I think it was like 20 bucks an hour back in the day when I was 19. So that's really freaking good.

Really?

Speaker 3 (21:19.534)
40 years ago.

Yeah, it's 40 years ago. Fuck you. But I had a friend that worked there previously and he was going back on an interview and I was like, I don't have any experience in the warehouse. It's like just lie and put something on there. They don't they don't really know. I was like, all right. Well, I put on there something that he did before and I wrote down the dates and all this stuff. And and then we're like going through the interview. It seemed like it was going pretty good.

And then he's like, so what dates did you work at this warehouse again? And I could not remember the fucking dates that I put down. was like, oh, should be on the paper there. He's like, I don't have the paper in front of me. What was was dates? I was like, uh, and he could just see it in my face. I was like, look, man, I lied. I just told him, I was like, look, I don't have any experience. I really need this job. He's like, well,

Unfortunately, we can't hire you because you lied on your application. yeah, I did not get that job. Got to learn how to lie better.

Yeah, memorize the dates next time. You should walk back in there with another application.

Speaker 2 (22:34.67)
is right now today. I'm back. I'm gonna remember these dates.

i want twenty dollars an hour

God, I'm taking a pay cut, shit.

Speaker 1 (22:50.67)
I remember I was working for Walgreens at the time and I was working in the photo department, lead photo technician. And I would have a lot of interactions with people from all sorts of different walks of life. And I had a guy come in and he said, I really like your work ethic. I think you could do really well with what I'm doing over at Computech or whatever the name of the company was. I'm just making that up. But we're having a seminar tonight.

you should come over. And I'm like, I want out of this job. Let me go see what's going on. And it was a pyramid scheme. And I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there through this whole seminar of like how to, how to sell something. And you know, I, I, I don't want to be disrespectful and just walk out, but at the whole time I'm like, fuck this, I'm getting the hell out of here. And

work for some of those. Did you really for Kirby Kirby vacuum cleaner? Yeah. and then they stole my whole giant folder of CDs when I quit because I, asked them for a Vance on my paycheck and they're like, well, you haven't really made enough. Yeah. I was like, gotta have some money, man. If you want me to come to work, they gave me that check and then I cashed it and I never came back.

I to go get my CDs and they took all my CDs. I was like, all right, I had like so many burnt CDs in that folder.

man.

Speaker 3 (24:26.616)
That's a weird Mike, you said you were a photo tech. So I'm sure the shit you developed, saw lots of cuts of porn.

I saw everything bro. Not just, not just nudies and all stuff. I saw everything.

Enlighten us.

Yes, we have to call.

We had to call the police one time for child pornography

Speaker 2 (24:52.024)
No

killer has prior experience with that.

Shut the fuck up. No, sir. No, sir. Yeah.

And it was a gosh, it was probably three weeks of me working there. And I brought it up to one of the managers and I told him, said, Hey, this is kind of weird. It was like one of those episodes from law and order where like the person has been stocking, you know, these photos of these young kids. And I'm like, I don't think this is right. I don't know. And I, and

God.

Speaker 1 (25:32.194)
The policy is, you know, to bring it to the manager and do that. And they had to call the police. I think, I think it went, I think it wouldn't even be on that.

They probably set up a sting operation for him to come pick up his photos and then boom. Got him.

Uh, it was, yeah, it was, it was disgusting. Um, the, so right after I started working there as well, I noticed that some people would take pictures of their deceased loved ones in the coffin, like at the, at the wake and

I found that very strange.

Like peace signs and everything?

Speaker 1 (26:23.436)
No, just posing. No, no, not at all.

Was it like, that Bernies?

Speaker 3 (26:33.038)
That always struck me as odd as well.

It was very strange, but apparently my store manager who had been doing it for years, I'd asked them about it. And when you work in the photo department, you sign a kind of like a confidentiality thing. Like you don't talk about specifics unless somebody's in danger or somebody's violence, things like that.

They're coming for you Mike, right then broke it

So, I mean, I'm not stating specifics, but.

I guess it's not that odd because when you think about it back when photography first started becoming a thing, lot of times people you see a lot of the old black and white and the person in the center is dead. They're them up and the whole family poses around the dead person. Yeah, it's your last family photo together before they throw dirt on you and your worm food. That's also where flowers come from.

Speaker 1 (27:32.579)
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (27:36.568)
They'd fill the room full of flowers during the waking. Yeah, you decomposing. Little fun fact for you, everyone.

so you wouldn't smell.

Speaker 1 (27:45.55)
before formaldehyde. But yeah, I thought always thought that was strange, but it was always not like usually it was non Americans that were doing it. It was somebody from another country. More specifically, Asian and Africans.

so they're probably texting back to the group, be like, we finally got them.

What the fuck? You couldn't text when Mike worked there.

shit. They got a page, so.

That's true. had to get a page. You had to go to the pay phone call back.

Speaker 2 (28:28.27)
Then you get stuck there down 1-800 numbers.

And then every now and again, you got like every so often you'd get the husband and wife just doing, doing their thing.

then Mike would be doing his thing to the husband.

Mike made copies.

You

Speaker 1 (28:48.206)
Bro. Now I will, I will say 99 % you don't want to see.

99, but there was that 1 % and I'm like, whoa.

Then they come and pick them up like who drops off the shit and just like isn't worried about it

You see that movie with Robin Williams where he played a photo?

an hour photo I think. Everybody always told me to watch it never saw it.

Speaker 3 (29:20.558)
Starts so sweet, you know, this photo tech is watching this family grow up through their photos that they come to develop and it's got, you know, sweet guardian overtones and things like that. And then he develops photo where he sees the husband cheating. And that's where things get weird.

That was like his first kind of creepy role wasn't it? Yeah

That was, did a good fucking job.

Yeah, well, he was awesome actor. So. What about you? Your interview? Your bad interview?

didn't really apply to that many jobs to be honest. I usually got them and I stuck around.

Speaker 1 (30:03.214)
You never had like an awkward moment or anything?

No, the most I ever had. I was going to work for a company and I didn't really like their pitch and I told them that I would be contacting them when I made a decision.

think Jeremy's situation, they were feeling more awkward and he wasn't feeling awkward.

Well, Jeremy played the Uno Reverse card.

I didn't want the fucking job

Speaker 1 (30:29.826)
I'll have my people call your people.

Yeah, they advertise the shit at a high rate of pay and that high rate of pay was only attainable after so many months and top performers and it meant time away from home. It just it wasn't worth it. I like being near my kids.

You had kids all the way back then?

shit, had my first real job was in high school. I got it at 15 and I worked there until I was 18. Then I did some odd jobs here and there and I'm not going through my resume because it's no one's business the places I've worked for a long time.

This makes great podcasting. Thank you.

Speaker 1 (31:13.716)
That's sure you're fuck. Jeremy. You're

That's what I'm saying. It's my job history is uneventful and professional.

Aww.

Boring as fuck. I'm a longevity guy. I like to stick around if something's working.

or not working.

Speaker 3 (31:33.002)
Well, if I'm not working, then I got no point to be there and I'm going to be hauled off the premises.

No, that was a reference to your exes

there any value in that anymore though? In longevity? know, companies seem to not put value in longevity anymore.

These don't seem to care at all.

about you. It wasn't really for them. It was just the stability and having kids, got to make sure things are paid for. This is a paycheck and it's working out pretty well until it was.

Speaker 2 (32:04.632)
Why children are a trap. You'll work somewhere forever till the day you die to provide for them.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we hope you enjoyed today's episode and we hope we've inspired you to become porn directors and

Night Milkers.

Yeah, or be a fucking fluffer if you want to. Just follow your dreams.

Go work for CIA for the love of God, you know?

Speaker 3 (32:30.754)
Yeah, torture people with drugs.

Yeah.

to all of them at the same time.

You can totally do it. You can do whatever you like. And one thing you can definitely do is like, comment, and subscribe on all of our social medias.

Give Jeremy an opportunity to do real bad at an interview. Come on guys, give him a call.

Speaker 3 (32:54.254)
You know what we should do.

What should we do?

We should do some fake interviews. We should call some places up and just do some really shitty interviews. Waste their time.

that work we'd already have to have an interview.

No, I'm not saying right now, saying-

Speaker 1 (33:11.564)
No, we, that's why we get an interview.

Ladies and gentlemen, do you think that's a good idea? Let us know.

My name is Barb. I like cocaine.

It's... It makes my nose tangle.

us out Jeremy.

Speaker 3 (33:32.174)
Go fuck yourself, Keller. Peace, motherfuckers.

you

you

you

Speaker 3 (33:46.959)
you

you

Speaker 1 (33:54.088)
you

Speaker 1 (34:05.166)
Del Bred podcast is Daniel Keller, Jeremy Pope and Michael Kulisnik recorded live at SMG Studios, Division of SMG Communications. Executive producers Michael Kulisnik and Tony Skippersen Clark.