The Messy Middle: What Business Really Looks Like When Nobody's Watching

It is 9:00 PM on a Friday night and I am sitting in the podcast studio.

I am supposed to be packing for Bali. But I need to talk to you first.

The last six months have been the hardest season I have gone through in business. A retreat that barely broke even. A podcast studio that cost ten times what I budgeted for. A $7,000 credit card balance just to cover wages. Months of $20K revenue against $19K in expenses. And in the middle of all of it, finding out I was a top five finalist in the Seven News Young Achievers Awards for all of Western Australia.

I felt like a fraud. I felt like a failure. And I almost gave up.

This is the episode about the messy middle. The part nobody posts. The season that breaks you before it shapes you.
→ How I financially overextended myself and what I would do differently
→ The 1:00 AM anxiety spiral that forced me to finally face the numbers
→ What I did in 48 hours to start releasing the pressure without it all falling apart
→ The five-day turnaround where a bucking bull sale, unpaid invoices, and three new clients all landed at once
→ Why I think I have outgrown the role I have been forcing myself to stay inside
→ The life path number, Chinese zodiac, and human design profile that gave me more clarity than six months of pushing through
→ The 6/2 human design profile and what it finally explained about the way I work, burn out, and recover
→ The one mindset shift that matters most when everything is falling apart

If you are in a hard season right now, this episode is for you. Not the polished version. The real one.
Do not give up. You can pivot, adapt, and reassess. But the only way you truly fail is if you stop.

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→ https://beautyindustryleaders.com.au/

I want to empower women in the beauty industry to create an impact, build an empire, and leave their legacy!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So it's like running a marathon. You're running this marathon, you feel like you're finally getting towards the finish line, and you're struggling to breathe, and then you reach the last 100 meters. There's people at the finish line. They're cheering you on, and what people don't see is you're running barefoot on shattered glass and it's digging in, even though everyone is just like so happy and cheering you on, like, wow, this is so amazing, you're barely surviving. I realized that over the period of like the last six months that I really financially overexpended myself. I was ending up having like 20k months, but then 19k worth of expenses. I also had 7k of credit card debt at one stage, just trying to cover all the wages. I was celebrating 100 episodes on the podcast. I was celebrating making over half a million dollars as a personal milestone before I turned 24. I then celebrated my 24th birthday. And then on top of all of this, I also had been nominated for the Seven News Young Achievers Awards, specifically the Brian Hart Young Leader. And I started going, should I even be coaching? Like, am I even good at this? Hello and welcome back to another episode on the Beauty Industry Leaders Podcast. I'm your host, Sammy Kennedy. We have so much to catch up on. Like right now, I am sitting in the podcast studio. It is 9 p.m. on a Friday night. I'm flying out to Bali tomorrow. And the only reason why I'm here right now is because I started packing for Bali. I got all my clothes in the suitcase, and then I realized I should probably pack my makeup. So I pulled out all my makeup brushes, got distracted, and thought I'll clean them all. And then as I started cleaning them, I was like, did I book accommodation? So then I'm on looking at sites, trying to figure out a place to stay. And then while I was on the internet, I thought I'll look in Google Drive and see how many podcast episodes I have in the bank. And I only had one and I needed at least two. So I actually realized I can't clean my makeup brushes because now I've got to do a full face of makeup and then drive to the podcast studio and record a podcast episode. And here I am thinking about what am I going to talk about? And as I was on the car drive here, I thought, you know what? I'm just going to talk about what business has really been like behind the scenes. Because on social media, I've been sharing little snippets about some of the challenges that I've been going through, some of the shifts that I've been making, and what the messy middle in business looks like when you're scaling. And if you are going through a really hard season, or you feel like you're completely burnt out and ready to just pull the pin, or you're excited by the idea of a new career or pivot or change, this episode is for you. Now, someone asked me recently, like, what is it like running a business? And they don't have a business, so they can't really grasp the challenges, the struggles, the sacrifices, and the risks that come with running it. They just look at all the business owners that they follow on Instagram and they see the fancy holidays and the luxury handbags and the nice cars. And I'm like, yeah, you can have that. And that is incredible, and it is definitely achievable and attainable. But just be aware that it's not always like that. And sometimes the hard things that you have to go through to get to that stage are so damn painful. And not enough people are actually aware of what that looks like as a business owner. And so we see all these people excited about starting a business and chasing the dream until they realize how much effort it takes, how much energy it demands of you, how much you give up to get to a certain place. And like I'm under the impression that the people who go, I do everything in balance, they don't build anything incredible until after they've gone through that hard season of not having balance because you've got to put extra time in. You've got to meet deadlines. Sometimes you've got to work some late nights. Sometimes you've got to do things that other people are not willing to do to get a result that they have not got. And I'm not throwing out and saying balance can't exist, but I do believe that when you're in seasons of startup or when you're in seasons of scaling, there isn't the opportunity to just be able to coast because there's so much pressure on the line and things are riding on you. You've got to make it work. You can't just sit back and like wait for it to all figure itself out. So, anyways, coming back to what I explained business as to this person, I said it's like running a marathon. You're running this marathon and it's been hours. You feel like you're finally getting towards the finish line and you're struggling to breathe, but you're still keeping that pace. And then you reach the last 100 meters and you realize, okay, this is my moment. I've got to sprint. There's people at the finish line. They're cheering you on. You can hear the crowd roaring. And what people don't see is that you're running barefoot on shattered glass and it's digging in, you're bleeding out, your toenails have fallen off, you've done again, David Goggins. And even though everyone is just like so happy and cheering you on, like, wow, this is so amazing, you're barely surviving, and you're just like, oh my gosh, I'm almost there. And so sometimes that's what business can feel like. Obviously, there's other times where it's amazing and it feels good, and you're like, wow, I'm so proud. But sometimes when you're in those hard seasons, it does not feel good and it doesn't feel like a massive accomplishment. And this really hit me recently because I realized that over the period of like the last six months that I really financially overextended myself. And I took on too many high-risk projects at once and divided too much of my attention, energy, and focus, which then led me to actually get into a really tough financial position. So the retreat that I hosted back in February in Vietnam, that was incredible. I don't regret it at all. I'm not saying that I never wish I did it. I am so proud of what we built. And I loved having all the guests come and seeing the speakers being able to educate and empower these women. It was just like so mind-blowing. Now, that whole experience took so much energy out of me to the fact that I think I'm still burnt out from it, to be honest. But because I was so eager and I was like, I'm gonna build this retreat thing, I want to bring people together. This is my calling. I took the profit, which there was not that much. Like I barely broke even. I think I had maybe like a couple grand profit. So then I injected some of my other money into putting down a deposit with the very small amount of profit I had from the retreat to go towards doing a next retreat. And so that was about five grand to put that deposit down. So I then started promoting spots for that retreat, and then the whole fuel crisis happened. And I got so many people pull out. They were like, I'm sorry, I'm not gonna be able to make it work. It I'm not in a good financial position. And because a lot of them were beauty business owners, they were getting a lot of cancellations. And so when all the people in the beauty industry were struggling with cancellations and not having as much cash flow as normal, that impacted obviously my ability to be able to get those people in and run a retreat. So I kind of sat with it for a bit and I thought, you know what, I'm gonna go for other business owners who aren't in the beauty industry, who have online businesses, who have that flexibility and freedom, and invite them, but do it at cost price just so that I can get through this financial period. Now, the position I was in was that if I canceled the retreat, I would lose the five grand. And if I ran the retreat, I could just try sell the spots, have another five or so grand to pay off the rest, and then still be able to enjoy it. And so either way, I was gonna lose five grand. I mean, if I didn't sell the spots and I had to go through it, then it would have been 10 grand. But do you know what I mean? Like it was just a lot to try and carry. And so as I'm trying to get enough cash flow and people to say yes, I've got some people saying yes, and then they're pulling out, and then I've got a bit of money coming in, but then the podcast studio, that just completely that completely blew out of budget. Like I thought this was gonna cost like three grand in the early stages, and as I've mentioned, it has ended up being a $30,000 investment. The cameras definitely took me by surprise because I thought I would be able to get away with the ZV E10s and they were about $1,200 each at the time. But then realizing that I needed the FX30s because they have the inbuilt fan and they don't just switch off and overheat mid-podcast episode, I was like, oh, okay, they're three and a half grand each. And I only have two at the moment. I still need to get a third, but I've just held off that because it's not the right time. So where I'm going with all of this is like I took on so many high-risk projects. Hosting a retreat, you don't know if you're gonna sell the spots, you don't know if you're gonna make your money. And usually the first two to three, you're not gonna make money, you're just gonna break even. And then once you've got the reputation and you've got the momentum and you created this whole brand and FOMO, then selling them gets easier. And so I actually found that hosting these retreats, I had the right plan and strategy to scale it. But given the people who I was selling it to and the timing, it just wasn't ideal. And so I ended up getting myself into more debt because those retreats didn't sell in the way that I thought they would. And that was really hard because I was thinking, okay, well, what do I do? Do I keep coaching? Do I still host events? Like I had this big vision and plan. And I think because that didn't work out, part of me was like, do I actually want this? Like, I'm am I willing to fight for this? And am I willing to work so damn hard and then put more profit into that, or would I rather something else? And so then I was starting to question everything and I was like, I don't know. Now, as the podcast studio was costing a lot of money, I started freaking out because on top of that, I have $3k a month for a business mentor, I've got another $1280 for a mastermind that I'm in, and then I've got wages, I've hired a team, and that can be anywhere from like three to six grand a month. And then it just depends because I've got contractors, I've got weight, like there's just so many different things that are all happening at once. And because I was scaling up, I was like, okay, cool, I've got the cash flow here. But things started going backwards, and I was ending up having like 20k months, but then 19k worth of expenses. And I would have podcast guests coming from Sydney, and we didn't have two chairs in here, so then I've got to get a couch. Okay, well, a couch is gonna be $1,200. So it's just like money was just disappearing, and I'm usually really good with cash flow and profitable pricing and all of those things, which is why I felt like even more of a failure. But the thing was, I couldn't just get halfway through doing this. I needed to finish it, and so I did. And then once I finished it, I was so burnt out that I didn't market it. And because I didn't have any bookings coming through, I just felt like, what am I doing? Have I made the wrong decision? You know, was I too eager? Am I good enough? Like, can I actually make this work? And the imposter syndrome kicked in, and then it was like I was celebrating a hundred episodes on the podcast, and then I was celebrating making over half a million dollars as a personal milestone before I turned 24. I then celebrated my 24th birthday, and then on top of all of this, I also had been nominated for the Seven News Young Achievers Awards, specifically the Reinhardt Young Leader. And the crazy part about all of that is each week I would move through the next phase. So I made it as a semifinalist, which is the top 10 in the whole of WA. And then the week after, I just found out recently that I made it as a finalist. And that's the top five in the state. So to be recognized amongst that and then feel like behind the scenes my cash flow was not supporting that, I felt like a failure. I felt like a fraud. And I started going, should I even be coaching? Like, am I even good at this? You know, what should I be doing? And it's crazy because you read my award application and you look at all the things that I've been able to achieve, like scaling a business of multi-millions and being able to build a multi-six-figure business and having these profit margins. But it was just this season, like the last six months, I've always made at least 30% profit. But like this last six months has not. Like I've just been having like losses each month. And fortunately, I had enough savings, and then I also had 7k of credit card debt at one stage, just trying to cover all the wages, that I was able to get through it. Now, as I'm getting into this hole, I'm spiraling at this stage because I'm going, what the hell? Like, how am I meant to get out of this? And I can't just rely on someone else. Like, I made these decisions, I got myself here, I need to get myself out. And so I woke up at 1 a.m. I had mad anxiety, and I remember just laying there going, What am I doing? I don't know. And so I tried to go back to sleep, I couldn't get back to sleep, and I thought to myself, Well, I'm not gonna doom scroll. That is not going to help. I'm gonna sit down and I'm just gonna face the music. And so I pulled out my banking app, I looked at all of my expenses, and I thought to myself, what can I put on hold? What can I try and cancel? Or what can I reduce and then later pay back just so that I can get myself out of this hole? And so I did that. I sent off a few emails. I was able to drop down to weekly payments for some things. I was able to put one of my big expenses on pause, and that was enough to release the insane amount of pressure that I was feeling. And then as I was moving through that the next morning, I thought, okay, so what do I need to do to get more cash flow in? So I went and did some lead generation, and I looked at some of the conversations that I'd had with people previously who were interested in working with me or booking out the studio or whatever it may have been. And that's when I realized, even though I was still so burnt out, I probably just needed some space to just take a step back. Because when you're pushing so hard to make something work, sometimes it's it's just not gonna happen. Like you actually need to stop, pause, go and do something else, fill your cut back up, get yourself some clarity, and then come back into it with a fresh set of eyes. And so even though I knew what I should have been doing, I was just still in that state of burnout and I was quite reactive. So I knew that even if I'm having these conversations with these people, even if I'm doing these things, it's not gonna come from a place of the best version of me. It's gonna come from this almost like desperate energy. And I know that that does not work. So as I started going, okay, I'm I'm putting the wheels in motion, I know what I'm gonna do, but I'm just gonna take a step back and just pause. And so fortunately for me, my birthday came up and Nick had gone and booked a hotel and we stayed there, and I just had some time to actually enjoy my birthday. My dad flew up from Albany, my brother was there as well. We went and played darts at Flight Club, and it was really wholesome. And I just, I honestly was so grateful in that moment to think, you know what, even when the world feels like it's falling apart, I still have really incredible people around me, and life is still worth living. Like I'm not gonna give up. It's just this is a season that is testing me and it is going to help me grow. And I think that's the mindset that you have to have when everything is falling apart. Instead of being a victim and going, oh my gosh, not again. It's like, okay, well, what is this teaching me? Like, what do I need to do different? What do I need to learn? How am I going to create a solution for this so this doesn't happen again? And so after my birthday, I swear all the things that I started putting in motion were working. Within the space of me wanting to completely give up, like laying in bed, just over it done, like that's it, through to having like maybe five days later. I cannot even begin to describe how much of a miracle happened. So, first off, I'd been negotiating this bucking bull sale for a while. Yeah, if you're wondering what the hell am I doing talking about a bucking bull, at Wild West Bowling, we bought a mechanical bucking bull, and that cost over about $75,000. And we've had it in our venue, but it's just not something that is a big money maker for us because it's not the right demographic. And so I saw another business open up and I reached out to them asking if they would be interested, and they were really interested. They definitely wanted to look at bringing it into their venue, but the biggest setback for them was insurance. Now, just to give you some insight, with the bucking bull, for this venue to have it, it is $140,000 per year just to get the insurance for it. So it's a big investment for them to buy this bucking bull from us and be paying $140,000 a year just for insurance only. And so what happened is I had been having a chat to the guy, everything was looking amazing. I had my dad bring up the bucking bull, we brought it into the venue, trialed it out, and they loved it. But just because they hadn't had that information back from the insurance, they weren't going to go ahead with the purchase. So they brought it back down to Albany. And this was over the space of like a few weeks. And then eventually, like after my birthday, I got this call saying, Hey, we're happy to proceed with it. So we're able to sell the Bucking Bull for 50,000 plus GST, and then out of that, I get 10% commission. So that was a really great opportunity for me to be able to get some cash flow back in and then pay off the 7K credit card debt that I had to try and keep on top of all the wages and pay everyone and keep everyone happy. And then on top of that, I had about $3,000 worth of client invoices that hadn't been paid. And I was just really fortunate that I didn't actually ask or follow up anything crazy at the time. It was just, I don't know if they maybe saw my post, but I had all of them get paid. So that money came back in. And then I had a new podcast client where we're doing all the production for them. So that was another three and a half grand. And then I had someone else reach out to me and they just wanted podcast strategy only. So I ended up getting $16.50 from that. And then on top of all of that, I had a client who came in and recorded some professional content for Talking Head Reels and hadn't heard back from her in over a month. And then I got this massive spreadsheet of all the edits that she wanted, and she wanted 20 reels, so we charged three grand for that. So it was just like out of nowhere, all of this cash flow finally started coming in. And I was just amazed because I did not feel like there was any way that I was going to get out of my situation. And it's funny because I have lived through. Almost going bankrupt with the bowling alley build. I know what it's like to have all these expenses due and no money in the bank account and miracles happen. And that has been proof for me time and time again. But it just felt like this time, given that I was in the beauty industry, seeing the absurd amount of businesses that were getting put up for sale and all the posts about is anyone having cancellations and then all the comments, it was actually just really depressing. Like I started spiraling and I was going, do I have a career here? Like, are people going to be able to afford me? Am I going to be able to make money? And I guess in a massive period of burnout, I was like, do I actually want this? And like, what am I doing? And I just started questioning everything. And so the conversations that I was having with, you know, my family and also Nick, as well as my clients, it made me realize that it's not that I hate what I do. It's that I'm probably really burnt out and that I've actually outgrown my role of what I've been doing for a long time. And I've been trying to stay within this box, which is what I spoke about in the hundred episodes, that I just I feel like I have outgrown because I don't know, there's just some part of me that wants big things in life. And when I was going through this massive spiral, I had these signs, right? You ask for signs sometimes. You're like, okay, do I keep going? Do I not? And one of them was that on my birthday, I went to go get my blood tested. I just wanted to check my iron levels because I've been quite tired. So we'll see what they come back with. But there was this Indian lady and she asked me, What do I do? And I told her I do podcasting. And she said, Oh, I listen to podcasts. I said, What kind of podcast do you listen to? And she said, astrology once. And I was like, oh, okay. And then she asked me what my birthday was. So I said it's today, which was the 26th of May. And she was like, I don't do normal astrology. I look more at the life path and the destiny number. And so let me read this out to you because this actually, whether it's true or not, it gave me the clarity I needed at the time. So the way that your life path number is calculated is your birthday. So mine is the 26th. So two plus six equals eight. Hence why I am life path number eight. So the life path number eight personality is one of hard work and hard lessons. People born with this life path number get their worth from accomplishing great things. The bigger the goal, the more satisfying it feels when they achieve it. Money and material goods are important to them because they are rewards and reminders of all the effort they put in. People with this life path direct all their energy into creating a life of success and abundance. Dealing with people in positions of authority is often tough for people born with an eight-life path number because they are leaders themselves and are supremely confident in their abilities. They don't take kindly to being told what to do, especially if it goes against what they would choose to do. Life Path 8 people, too, can also come across as authoritative and must learn that all relationships are about harmony. With all the work these life path people put into reaching their goals and feeling accomplished, they would be wise to pay attention to their health. Stress is the all-too familiar enemy of those born with the eight life path number. If allowed, it will slow down or deter these people on their path to reaching their goals. Making time for meditation, friendship, and enjoyable pursuits helps bring these things back into balance. Health is wealth, so maintaining a healthy lifestyle should be a top priority. When it comes to relationships, people with an eight life path will put in the same work and dedication that they put into everything else. They will do well in long-term situations, but these relationships may look more like business arrangements than passionate love affairs. Life path number eight, people see themselves as providers and willingly take on the role of supporting a partner or family. They know they are self-sufficient, but when they see that they are prosperous enough to also provide for loved ones to them, that's proof of success. I read that and I was like, oh, that's quite interesting. And then I started thinking about, okay, well, what about my Chinese zodiac? And of course, as you may already know, this year is the year of the horse, and I'm a horse. So I started looking into the Chinese zodiacs, and it said, horses are known for being ambitious, independent, adventurous, energetic, and charismatic. They crave freedom, momentum, and growth. Horse energy is fast moving and powerful, which means they're likely drawn to big goals, exciting opportunities, leadership, and building a life on their own terms. So then I was like, okay, well, that's interesting. That lines up. Now I'm not sure if you've heard of human design, but if you haven't, look it up. You put your birthday in and your time, and then it'll come up with this whole chart. And it's really hard to understand the chart. So just screenshot that, put that into Chat GPT and get it to explain everything to you. But the one thing that I really like about human design is that it explained my profile in depth to a point where I was like, oh wow, okay, this is how I'm meant to work. And this isn't always gospel, like, don't treat it as like you read this and this is your future and that's all you'll ever be. But I think it's really cool to understand how you work and take the parts that feel relevant and then be more intentional with the way that you show up. And so the one thing that it gave me clarity or closure on is that my profile is a 6-2, which means I'm meant to become a role model. Not through perfection, but through lived experience. You're someone who learns deeply through trial and error, challenges, reinvention, and real life lessons. People with a 6'2 profile often feel different growing up because they're not here to follow the normal path. You're here to turn your experiences into wisdom that helps lead others. So the two line is all about having natural gifts. And so my energy works best when I have the space to recharge, I follow what feels aligned, I stop overproving myself, and I let my natural gifts speak from themselves. So my human design profile is the six-two, which is the role model. So the six line is for people who live their life in three phases. So there's phase one, which is like birth until about 30, and that's all chaotic learning through experience. You're not here to learn theoretically. You learn by trying things, failing, experimenting, taking risks, making mistakes, intense highs and lows, and discovering what actually works through lived experience. People with a sixth line usually feel like, why has my life been so intense? Yes. Why do I keep learning the hard way? Yes. Why do I feel older than everyone else emotionally? Yes. Because the reason is you're gathering wisdom. You're not meant to become successful from reading a textbook. You're meant to become wise through living. And then the phase two is around 30 to 50, which they call on the roof. And this is where the sixth line starts pulling back. So you become more selective, more observant, less interested in proving yourself, more focused on alignment than hustle. And you stop chasing for the sake of chasing. This phase is all about integration. People often think six lines become quieter, but really they become more refined. You begin asking, what actually matters? What's sustainable? What kind of life do I really want? Who do I actually want around me? And this is often when your leadership becomes magnetic rather than forceful. People start looking at you as the mentor, the example, the authority, the person who gets it. Not because you tried to look successful, but because your life experience becomes undeniable. And then phase three is 50 plus, and this is the true role model. This is the embodiment phase. You naturally become someone others look to for wisdom, perspective, guidance, leadership, emotional maturity, and grounded success. Not through perfection, through authenticity. And so that is the sixth part of the six two. And then the two part is the hermit. And this is for people who are very naturally gifted. You have talents that feel effortless to you but impressive to other people. And the challenge is you often underestimate your gifts because they feel so normal to you. But I, in order to thrive, need alone time, space, retreat, creative freedom, and periods of disappearing from the world. You're not designed to constantly be on, although I feel like I constantly am. If you push yourself into endless visibility, networking, output, and hustle, you'll burn out emotionally and creatively. Yep, I can attest to that. The two line also works through being called out, meaning opportunities usually come when people recognize your gifts and invite you into bigger things. So it was quite interesting because when ChatGPT broke it down, it was explaining about there's certain things that I need to do, like sleep on big decisions. So don't make a decision in the moment. If someone asks me something, say yep, I'll think about it and I'll come back to you. Don't commit under pressure and don't say yes just because you're excited about it, or don't say no in emotional lows, which I guess if you listen to this whole episode, you would have heard that. I was experiencing an emotional low and I was like, I'm done. But that's not the right time to make those decisions. And then it was so funny because it was going through all of the different roles that would work really well for my profile. And it said leadership, mentoring, speaking, teaching, community building, visionary entrepreneurship, personal branding, creating movements, transforming industries through lived experience, because your energy feels real, not manufactured. But, anyways, don't take this as gospel. It's obviously just an interesting observation. And my cameras are about to run out. But if you're going through a hard season in business, I want to remind you not to give up. Like if you need to take a break, if you need to go on a holiday, if you need to read some star signs or something, like do that thing. But I promise you, you have what it takes to keep going. Do not give up. Please do not give up. You can pivot, you can adapt, you can reassess, but the only way you truly fail is if you give up. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I hope that you found some inspirational value out of it. If you are going through a hard season, my DMs are always open. So send me a message. And please make sure that you subscribe to us on YouTube so we can keep growing the show and getting incredible guests on and bringing more insane value for you. Thank you so much, and I will catch you for the next episode. Bye.