Your Partner Can Bankrupt You Emotionally, Not Just Financially with Marcia Colosi

I met a woman who was born on a dirt floor in Peru and couldn't read until she was seven. Now she's a business coach, keynote speaker, author, and the person some of the most successful women I know call when their life looks perfect from the outside and feels completely empty on the inside.

Marcia Colosi and I talk about the relationship stuff nobody wants to say out loud. Why busy is not a flex. Why over mothering your husband is a problem. Why the wrong partner can bankrupt you long before your bank account shows it. And why chasing a goal doesn't always feel the way you think it will once you get there.

→ Why "busy" is actually just time scarcity in disguise
→ What it really means to date yourself first
→ Why over mothering your husband is quietly wrecking your marriage
→ We don't attract what we want, we attract what we are
→ The subtle signs someone in your life is toxic for you
→ Why a man is not a financial plan (and neither is a woman)
→ The "time mates" concept, and why some people are only meant for a season
→ Why nobody is actually self made

This one made me want to call my partner the second we stopped recording.

Follow Marcia: @marciacolosi
Podcast: The Marcia Colosi Show

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I was born on a dirt floor in the mountains of Peru, born into poverty. When we're speaking about poverty, we're not talking about food stamps because there's no food stamps in Peru. We're talking there's no food for you tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Marcia, a businesswoman, keynote speaker, author, top-rated podcast host, and emotional intelligence coach, featured in the award-winning documentary The Gift in Adversity. Marcia's life began in survival mode, but instead it became the foundation for her life's work. How does someone go from being on the dirt floor to then opening yourself up to receiving all these incredible things?

SPEAKER_01 0:36

We're always gonna act in alignment with our self-identity. For those first five foundational years, I was like, I'm a poor little girl, and what I deserve is the dirt floor. And so even though I had a bed, my mom would find me on the floor again because that was my identity.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

How do we find the balance between external success and internal fulfillment?

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. Because after you've climbed this mountain to only realize you've climbed the wrong mountain, that that wasn't even your mountain to climb.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Is there one piece of advice that has really impacted you in your journey that you could pay forward to the person listening to this right now?

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Yeah, this quote landed in my life when I needed it most, and it was.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Hello and welcome back to Delusional. I'm your host, Sammy Kennedy, and today I am interviewing one of the most incredible women I have ever met in my life. And I don't take that lightly. Like I have met her in a passing-by environment, and then I never thought I would see her again. Later to only find myself speaking up on stage with her at an event. And I think there's some people that you meet in your life, you have no idea if they're going to be important or not. And when I look at Marcia's journey, she is not just an incredible human. She is a founder, a coach, a thought leader, a mother of three, a wife. And the reason why I wanted to bring her onto the podcast is because there's so many people out there who make all these crazy claims about the things they do and the life we need to live. But Marcia finds the right balance and formula for you, which is what we're going to be talking into today. So welcome to the show, Marcia. How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_01 2:24

I'm so excited to be here and thank you for that intro. I loved it.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

I always start this podcast with one question. And the whole idea is that like every single founder, entrepreneur, visionary, high performer, they are all called delusional before they're called successful. What's one crazy vision that you've had that no one else believed in until it actually happened? Oh, I love this question.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Well, I think it's me speaking, just in general. So as you mentioned, I was born on a dirt floor in the mountains of Peru, born into poverty. When we're speaking about poverty, we're not talking about food stamps because there's no food stamps in Peru. We're talking there's no food for you tomorrow. Uh there's one bread roll. How are we going to split this amongst the whole family? And that made me a very insecure, very shy, introverted little girl when I was finally adopted and moved to Canada as I was five years old. And I could barely, you know, speak in class. I would sit there and cry to the point where they'd have to go get my sister because I would be crying inconsolably. They didn't know what to do with me. And they couldn't speak to me because I couldn't speak English. So I could only speak Spanish at that point. But I had this little thought in my mind, like, you know, when kids, when you're in your bedroom and you're you're dressing up, I don't know if you have like a wedding dress. I never envisioned myself getting married. That was never my thing. It was never my dream. My dream was somehow speaking. And that's very delusional, considering I would never put up my hand in class. I couldn't read or write until I was after seven. Um, and yeah, to think now that I have made that happen, I was very much a delusional little girl wanting that. And now that you've achieved it, what has life looked like for you? Oh my gosh. My my life now is not even what I dreamed of because, like I said, I never envisioned myself getting married. My whole vision growing up was I wanted to be a successful businesswoman. That's always what I wanted. I never envisioned the husband. I definitely didn't envision children. And now I'm married with three children. My I have a 10-week old, almost 10-week old, um, waiting in the car outside. And so my life is so much more full than I had envisioned because my version of success growing up was just to make money and have the freedom to travel when I wanted to. I remember one of my visions was living in a high rise and looking down in the city and looking at the lights. And that was the picture that I would hold in my mind as I was working towards my goals. And when I was in my 20s, I made that happen. And I was like, this is really cool. And then the family and the kids that I never wanted came later. And now I'm like, wow, this is far beyond what I had even imagined my life to be. And I think, like, in retrospect, like maybe why I didn't even envision the family side of things was because my family was so dysfunctional. You know, my father was an alcoholic, abusive man. My mom, I always perceived her to be a very weak woman who didn't stand up for us. And I was like, why do I want that? So it was never even in my vision. So I think I never allowed myself to want that. And then God blessed me in that way, anyway. And then, um, so now I would say that my life is so much more full than I could have even imagined.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

When I first heard your story on the stage about how you started your life on that dirt floor and you were given these things, like you were given a bed, you were given love, you were given food, you naturally just retracted back to what you believed you were worthy of, and you were back on the dirt floor. How does someone go from being on the dirt floor to then opening yourself up to receiving all these incredible things, to then having so much overflow that you can actually give it out to others?

SPEAKER_01 6:29

I love that. Well, first of all, we're always gonna act in alignment with our self-identity. And for those first five foundational years, I was like, I'm a poor little girl. And what I deserve is the dirt floor. And so even though I had a bed, my mom would find me. My adoptive mother, who's a beautiful Australian woman, would find me on the floor again because that was my identity. And it wasn't until I was a teenager and I hit a rock bottom where I realized that I'm gonna keep coming back here unless I change something fundamental about me. I can't continue down this path because I'm gonna just bring myself down to these metaphoric dirt floors, whether it's overdosing, whether it's being in an abusive relationship, you know, being in toxic friendships, I'm gonna keep bringing myself back to this dirt floor. So, what do I need to do to believe that I deserve something different? And I really started this journey of personal development. And I think the the main thing that I did, because people ask me all the time, like, what was that one thing? Well, there was a million things, but the one thing that I did that I think was one of the hardest things was I changed my environment. So I was living in Toronto, I was a hairdresser at the time, I had a really toxic lifestyle, had drug dealer boyfriend. Like I had it was just my life was a mess. And I decided to move finally with my mom and my sister to Australia who had already moved here and start over and be completely isolated. And I got into university and I, instead of going out when everyone was going out, instead of really building those friendships, I stayed in and I read and I reflected and I just built this discipline of solitude. There's a difference between solitude, being consciously alone, and being lonely. And I never saw it as being lonely. And now I reflect and I'm like, yeah, it will, it makes so much sense. Because if I can't stand to be in my own company on my own, why would I think that a man will want to be in my company? Why would I think that other why would I be magnetic to other women who want to hang out with me if I can't sit with just me? And so that was probably the hardest, most isolating thing to do, having the discipline to say, you know what, no, I'm not gonna go out. No, I'm not gonna do this and just read and really get into the personal development field. Um, that was the main thing that I think really set the foundation for then all the other things I did after.

SPEAKER_00 9:06

It's crazy. Like everything you're saying, it is relatable in so many different aspects of life, like specifically the dirt floor, how you keep coming back to that environment. That's all you believe you're worthy of. Maybe you have a friend and they always get cheated on. And it's like, well, you're not walking away from that, you're not choosing different. Maybe it's the business owner who's like, oh my gosh, I'm just barely surviving week to week. But they never set up the financial systems, they don't track anything, and it's just like, how do you actually let go of that? This is what it's always been, this is how it's always going to be. To that was a stage in my life, and I'm ready to close that chapter and choose different. When you look at business owners and high performers, it's so easy to get caught up in the flex of being busy, right? I'm busy, yeah, I've been so busy lately. Do you want to hang out? Oh, sorry, I'm a bit busy at the moment. And we wear it like this badge of honor. How important do you think it is to step away from being busy and actually learn how to date yourself? I love that.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

Well, it's funny because as you were saying, even like wording the question, when I hear busy now, like before it was a flex, right? But now I'm like, oh, time scarcity. That's what I see it as now. Like if you're constantly saying, like, I'm so busy, I'm so busy. Busy doesn't mean productivity. Busy doesn't actually mean anything. You could be really busy doing a lot of nothing. So you can be busy doing nothing. And I think it's really important to come back and prioritize yourself. And when I talk about dating yourself, it's really making yourself the priority. It's getting to know yourself, what you value, what are your goals truly, because otherwise you're gonna be living life for somebody else. And I think the better you know yourself, not only will you attract the right partner because they're gonna get to know the real you, and you're gonna attract the right business partner and partnerships and collaborations and all that. So I think it's so important to make yourself the priority, clear out romanticizing this alone time and and again, not making it like it's lonely, but it's solitude and and and there's something about solitude that I feel like anchors you into your truth and you become so much more strong and you become magnetic. Because if I know who I am and there's a level of certainty about me, then I become magnetic to people that are also high caliber in that regard. Like they also know themselves, they also know where they want to go. So I think getting to know yourself, dating yourself, um, making yourself a priority is one of the best ways to serve others, include even as a mother. You know, especially as a mother. Especially as a mother, because as a mother, when we get into like the shadow aspect of what it is to be a mother and getting into her mothering, we can over-mother. We can over-mother our husband, we can overmother our children, we can become the martyr in the home of like, I'm gonna give so much, and then I'm gonna be angry with you because I've given you so much. Nobody has asked us or forced us to do that. We have chosen that. So when I decide to put myself first, now I'm modeling to my daughters. This is what a strong, powerful woman is. I'm modeling to my my son what a powerful woman is. So he's not gonna go after a wounded woman who's gonna, you know, verbally abuse him and all of these things because he's gonna know he's gonna have that example of the healthy dynamic between me and their father. And that comes from me pouring into myself first. I can't be kind and compassionate to my husband if I'm not giving that compassion to myself first. We can't have that level of intimacy with each other if I don't have that level of intimacy with myself first. So it all starts with us. We are our first project, in essence. Um, so that's what I would say to women, especially now in the day of like I think about my daughters who are growing up in this day of social media where, you know, they're all they're seeing is beautiful faces. And now these beautiful faces aren't even human. So now they're competing against things that are not even human. Before we were competing against like plastic surgery, now it's just perfection, quite literally. And I want them to have that self-worth, to know what it is that they truly want. And the only way for them to be able to do that is to watch me go first. I can't tell them, you know, like respect yourself, and then I'm constantly keeping promises to myself. If I'm saying, like, prioritize yourself, but like, you know, I didn't shower all day because I'm too busy looking after everybody else, like I have to go first.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

It's so interesting you say that because when I did my NLP training years ago, one of the examples that they told was this mother, she had all the kids, and she was like, You're so beautiful, I love you so much. And then she would look in the mirror and be like, I hate myself, like I'm so ugly and all of this. And so when she was actually telling her kids these things, they never believed her because it's not what you say, it's actually how you showcase it, how you action it, how you live your own life will also set the bar for other people and how they treat you.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

I have had so many experiences in my life where I didn't value myself. And so other people around me, they would take advantage, they would kind of, I guess, get away with more things. But now that I'm very strict and strong on my boundaries and who I surround myself with and what I stand for, it's completely changed my life. And when you look at being a business owner, it is literally the most eye-opening journey of your own self-discovery of like who you are, what you stand for. And like this ends up bleeding out into so many different areas. You've got culture, you've got your leadership style, you've got the way that you market the client experience. Like the more you figure out who you are and what you want, that reflects on everything else.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Absolutely. And it's like we don't attract what we want, we attract what we are. That's essentially what you are saying, you know? And some of that's energetics, but some of it is just, oh, well, I see Sammy going to the gym, I see her working on her business, I see her eating well. Well, I can't treat her like crap because she has these standards. It's implicit. You don't have to say to someone, you will respect me. You're modeling it by the way you're living your life every day. It's like, oh gosh, she takes her life seriously. Like, I'm not gonna play around with this girl. And I think that's something that women, um, when we try to be almost like too explicit, like I need to tell him or I need to tell her. I'm like, you will respect me. If you need to tell someone that they need to respect you, you've already lost. Right. It's like you need to command it in your presence. Like you, you're gonna, it's not that you're gonna yell at them. It's it's like you will literally remove yourself from the situation. If someone is not bringing the respect and whatever else that you're seeking from that dynamic, maybe it's like a business partnership where that person's not bringing the energy or like the work ethic. It's like nothing needs to happen. You can, you're allowed to just remove yourself. And I think that is one of the ways that we can communicate our boundaries, our self-worth, and who we are without having to like overly communicate. And and from a parenting perspective, I love the saying that things are caught, not taught, which is essentially what you said. You can tell your kids all day long, like, love yourself. You're beautiful. But then if you're criticizing yourself in the mirror, they're gonna catch that. They're gonna catch your low self-confidence. They're not gonna listen to your words. They're watching you, you know, they're watching you interact with your partner. If you're saying, you know, choose a good man, but the man you're with treats you like crap, like they're no, they're gonna repeat that pattern. And that's that's the essence of you know, generational trauma, right? Is is that um pattern of whatever we witness in the home tends to be what we repeat, unless we make that conscious decision. And you and I were talking about this in our other podcast conversation, where you witness some things from a business perspective where you recognize I don't want that pattern and now you're correcting that pattern. So that trauma, let's call it business trauma, is gonna stop with you because you've been conscious enough to witness it and be like, no, it's gonna stop with me.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

So when you talk about like dating yourself and finding that relationship, what do you think most people actually need to focus on? Like specifically, if they were gonna go out and say, all right, I need to build this relationship with myself, what do I actually need to do? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Well, it really depends on where they are in their life, right? So if you're someone who cannot stand to be alone, because some people are like that. Like the definitely was me. If you can't be alone at all, we'll start there, right? If that makes you uncomfortable, can you go have lunch on your own and sit in your presence and not be scrolling on your phone? Because anyone can do that. We can all be waiting in line and we're just like scrolling on our phone and stuff like that. Can you just really be with yourself? Can you come home from work after a week's work and you know, cook yourself a nice dinner and really be in your presence? And even more important to subconsciously enjoy it, be like, you know what, this feels good. Like I enjoy this. That would be if you don't like being on your own. And then from the perspective of I'm comfortable in my own presence, I like hanging out with myself. Then it's about understanding like, what are your core values? Like, who are you? What do you want to create in this world? And one thing I would say though is as you're doing these like reflective questions or just thinking or journaling, is just remember that like who you are is going to shift as time goes by, as you have experiences. So just because you said, these are my values now, this is my life vision now, you're not locked into that forever. Like you're gonna change your mind. You should change your mind. That's called maturity. People think, oh, I didn't achieve that goal and like uh well, that means I failed. Well, no, you actually you didn't work that hard towards it because it was no longer in alignment for you. So you didn't fail. You actually just evolved beyond that vision, and that's okay. Um, so I would say sitting back and and asking self-reflective questions to really get to know you. If someone were to interview you, but like, hey, like what makes you tick? What lights you up? You know, what are deal breakers for you? Could you answer those? Getting to know yourself at that level. Because once you know yourself at that level, then anyone that comes into your life, you're gonna know almost like right away. It'll be like intuitive of whether they're like a good fit for you, whether it's personally, intimately, like with a partner or professionally. But if you don't have that baseline information, then it's gonna, it's not that you won't know. It's just that it might take you longer to get there and like know is this person a good fit.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Yeah, I hear everything you're saying. It's like business owners that are so caught up in what they're doing, sometimes they forget that they need to have their own self-identity and they tie themselves up in the business. And it's like one of the questions I used to ask on my podcast was if I were to take the business away, who are you? And for some of them, it was really uncomfortable. Like they had to pause and think about it and they're like, I don't know. And so that was something that I realized having a hobby, having some kind of interest, doing things for yourself, that is so important. Because if you throw everything into one business, your children, you know, your partner, and you don't have anything left for you, doesn't matter how much you pour into everything else, you'll still feel so empty inside.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think when we tie our identity with, let's say, a business or even being a mother. And I've seen this because I've coached women that are now there becoming empty nesters. Their children are moving out and they're like, who am I? Well, what happened with this woman is she overly identified with her role as mother and she became obsessed with her children. This is why your your marriage should be more important. Because when your children leave, you want to know that you have something, like there's someone there that has witnessed that journey with you, and you guys are still partners. Because if I'm a mother, and I'd never say just mother, but if being a mother is everything to me, my relationship with my children may become dysfunctional because now I'm putting too much pressure on them to meet my emotional needs. And we can be even begin to parentify our children, and they start having this role of caretaking us because. Now, oh, I'm lonely. Oh, you're leaving, you're going out. I'm I'm lonely tonight. It's like this is the unhealthy dynamic that some of us can get into. Now, this can also happen with your business if you over-identify in your business and your core worth is in your business. What if your business fails? Does that mean now you lack worth? And this is very common in men. And I don't want to say very common in men who haven't done the work to you know remove themselves and recognize their business is an aspect of who they are. It's something that they create. It is not their worth. That's why I don't like the uh term net worth. It makes me like like it has nothing to do, it's how much money you have. It has nothing to do with worth because people do, words are powerful. People really do make it about their worth of who they are. And so when you make your business your life, who are you when that business doesn't exist anymore? And this is where we can create these little like life crises for ourselves because we're not anchored into the only thing that is true. And that is who you are at your core, beyond being a parent, beyond having businesses, beyond whatever other role you have in society. There's something bigger and deeper and more true at the core of you.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

That's a lot to process. Like I'm literally sitting here listening to every word you're saying. And I think there's a lot of our self-worth tied into how much money am I making? How many awards have I won? What does that external success look like? And we forget to balance it out with the other things. And everyone can relate to having this big goal, and maybe you do achieve it, but then at the end of the day, it's like, oh, it wasn't really what I thought it would be. You know? It's like you think there's gonna be fireworks, and it's like I remember 10,000 followers on Instagram. Yeah, oh yeah. And I was like, nothing's changed, the same. Didn't get a red carpet. Hello. Yes, yeah. Well, you hit that revenue milestone. I never forget when we made a million dollars. Great, a million dollars. Still the same person. Don't have Lambos. Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 24:14

Yeah, yeah. It's so true. So one of the things I see too is that people don't want to lose that desire, right? We don't want to lose that desire, which is also one of the reasons as women, we we think we need to stay in our masculine energy to be successful. It's like, well, if I'm too much in my feminine, too much in my receiving and laying back, then I won't be successful. And I think you can do both, right? So I still want to have the awards. Don't get me wrong, right? And it's just, but it's coming from a place of excitement and fun. And can we make the award mean something else? Like you getting an award means you've impacted others. It's not about, oh, now I'm this big important person. It's like, no, the award is a reflection of the service I've given. It's the same thing with the revenue, right? So a million dollars means that I've impacted X number of people. And so as females, I feel like men in general feel more comfortable with like having the big goals and they're unapologetic. As women, for some reason, it's like, well, why does she want so much? And it's like there's a lot more judgment, right? Whereas, well, why can't it just be fun? Like sometimes I have in now that I have my third baby, it's like, should I just slow down? And you know, am I being greedy? Um, you know, is it irresponsible of me? Should I do do my priorities need to change now? I have all of this that I'm also navigating through, where I'm like, no, my identity doesn't change because now I have another baby. It's another baby to love and bless, but I can still want all the same things that I wanted before. And I think that's always been a part of my journey where I want to show women that they don't have to choose. Like, you don't have to say, you know what, I'm gonna lose my competitive edge because now I just want to be feminine because that's the only way I'm gonna have a healthy relationship. That's not true. You can have both. You can have the career that you want, you can be super excited about chasing your goals. And you can also have the healthy relationship. It just requires you being mindful about it and just knowing a few things about the energetics of things. But yeah, I think it's so important for women to not feel like they have to apologize for wanting a lot or that them being hungry is somehow wrong and we've over-demonized the whole hustle culture. Like if you're not taking action, you're not getting anything done, you get that right. Like this sometimes I think like they say that as women, we can only just sit back and know you're you're gonna be so frustrated and disappointed because you're not gonna achieve anything. And I think that's where um potentially, not all, but some manifestation courses, when they teach about just energetics and they don't really, really drive the point of the aligned action part, I think it can lead to a lot of frustration and people going, oh, this doesn't work, or I'm not meant to be successful.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

You say that so eloquently. Like when I explain it to people, I'm like, if you're gonna put crystals out and manifest, like the only crystals that have magical powers is crystal meth. That is gold. But do you know what I mean? Like you have to take the action, you can't just have the vision. And you know, having ideas, I know people get really funny of like, oh, I had this idea and oh yeah, I could have done that. I've had a lot of people in my lifetime either they've said it to me or they've said it about someone else. It's like, oh yeah, I was thinking of doing that. But did you do it? No. So you're not gonna get the credit, you're not gonna get the results, you're not going to achieve anything if you just think it. You have to do it. Yes, oh, I love that. Coming into the next kind of thing of like, okay, I've dated myself, I'm figuring out who I am, what I want out of life, my values, these standards, you start to get really clear on your identity. How important is it to find the right partner? Whether it's a life partner, or especially if you're gonna be a business partner, like those are two really strong relationships where you're deeply intertwined in your lives. How important is it to find that person?

SPEAKER_01 28:26

It's gonna make or break you. Like just like a business partner could bankrupt you, your life partner can bankrupt you emotionally, psychologically, maybe even financially too, right? So I think it's the most important thing because especially if you're an entrepreneur, as a female entrepreneur, you're gonna go on blind faith on a lot of things. And it's you're gonna be building something from nothing. It's gonna be a vision, it's gonna be so intangible, like it's gonna be so abstract. And so you need to have someone that is gonna have to believe in you. And if not, be fully your number one cheerleader, which I think is the best thing to do. Like my husband believes in me so much. He thinks that I'm like the best coach on the planet. Like he will argue with you. He literally will argue with anybody who would say otherwise, right? And I think that's incredible. But I also think that I have friends whose husbands aren't involved in their business or maybe don't even really uh are obsessed with their business or anything like that. But hey, I love you and I'm gonna support you. Like, what can I do? How can I help with the kids? Or yeah, no problem, you're gonna be late. I'll cook dinner or I'll do the laundry or whatever it is. You have to have someone that is at least, if they don't understand your business concept or plan, that they at least just believe in you and be like, I'm gonna support you whether, you know, this blows up or whether it's like in the red every month for however long it needs to be in the red. I think that is the most important thing because being an entrepreneur is already so hard. We're already like doubting ourselves and, you know, having all of the things that come up and all of the resistance and the blocks and the challenges, the external challenges. The last thing you want is to come home and have someone just crap all over your dreams or question you or, you know, and I've been there too. Like I was with someone that didn't believe in entrepreneurship at all. And it was really hard. And how do you build from there? You want to feel like the person that you're with is fully supporting you because it's always gonna plant that seed of doubt. Like, am I crazy for wanting this? Maybe they're right, and you need someone who's equally as delusional as you're gonna be like, You got this, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Yeah, like choosing the wrong partner is ultimately going to hold you back in so many ways. Whether it's, hey, I don't really think this is gonna work, maybe you should go back to a normal job. It might be, are you sure about that? Like every time someone questions you, you're already questioning yourself. Like deep down, you just need someone to either say, Hey, let's rethink this and come up with another game plan so that we can get you back on track, rather than like just retract completely. Absolutely. Yeah. When you're in those like relationships where you didn't have that supportive partner, or maybe it was your friends or family, what are the telltale signs that they're actually the people who may be toxic for you? Because sometimes you don't realize when you're in it, right? You know, you kind of just go, oh no, they just normally like that. So for the person listening to this, how would they know if this is showing up in their life?

SPEAKER_01 31:37

Yeah, a hundred percent. And one disclaimer that I would say is like a lot of people don't even realize they're toxic in your life. So what they see as realistic is I always say that someone who thinks they're realistic is just pessimistic. They're pessimistic, but they're calling themselves realistic. They're seeing only what could go wrong and they're not seeing what could go right. And how they'll frame it is that they care about you and that they're only looking out for you. And that makes so much sense. And and like I get that. Um, but at the same time, if you keep forcing that on me, that's gonna be a problem. If you tell me one time of like, hey, I just feel like I need to share this with you, I'd be like, great, thanks for sharing. And I'll probably just ignore that advice if I don't feel like it's true for me. But if that person constantly is trying to tell you why it's, you know, the econom, but the economy, babe, have you seen people aren't spending money? Like, are you sure you want to do that? Um, they're constantly bringing that up. It's not that that person is trying to tear you down, it's just that that person, like, God didn't tell them your vision. And that's fine. Like it was whispered in your ear for a reason. Nobody else needs to understand it. But once you lay that boundary of, like, hey, like this is so important. Like, I don't need any like external noise unless it's like, we're doing this, let's go. I got your back. Please don't tell me. If they can't respect that, now that person is becoming toxic because now they're not respecting a boundary of yours. So that's how, in like the more subtle ways, another way that I think is less subtle is social media is like a whole other world. Like this is our physical world, then we have a digital world, it's equally real. And so when you have somebody that you know in real life and they're not supporting anything, and they're like up in all your stories, but never liked or clapped for you, that is someone who is not praying for your success. And to me, that is somebody that is toxic. And I will quite literally remove people like that because the thing is, is our thoughts are powerful. Before something becomes solid, it was a thought first. I don't want other people's negative thoughts projecting through onto me through a screen, even. I I just don't need that. I'm only creating space for people that like I have to feel confident that the person loves me. I don't have like this whole idea of friend of me, it's like some of my girlfriends will come and they'll tell me, like, oh, my friend did this, this, this. I'm like, girl, that is not your friend. If you have to guess about somebody's intentions, their intentions aren't good. It's either somebody loves you and they support you and you'll feel it, or it's a no-go. Because if you have to wonder, it's like it's like when we're dating someone, right? If he keeps you guessing, honey, you're in anxiety, that's not the one. Right. He needs to be so clear about like, you're the one. I want you. Like that's one thing that Dan did when we, when he was like pursuing me is I never guessed how he was feeling about me. I always knew. And I remember when I reflected back at other relationships, I was kind of guessing. I'm like, why didn't he message back? And like, if he's leaving me wondering and I'm in a state of anxiety, that's not that's not safety. And the one thing that a man can and should bring to a relationship is safety, physical, emotional, psychological. Um, so I think there's lots of ways to tell if someone's being toxic in your life, but those are like kind of more subtle ways. And then also obviously if they're like talking behind your back and things like that, or you know, just not speaking highly of your business, all of that is obviously a toxic too. But there's definitely more subtle ways that we can pick up on if someone doesn't want the best for us.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

The timing of you giving that exact explanation. Last night, Nick and I were in bed and we were watching, he's just not that into you. And it's exactly that. If he wanted to call, he would call. And the excuses that these women were making up, like, or maybe he lost his phone or he said he's out of town, he'll call me when he comes back. And they are being delusional. You know, people like sometimes we try to make excuses for other people's behavior, and it's not helpful. Like if someone wants to be in your life, exactly what you're saying, they will make the time, the effort, they will show it. And I think when you go on that journey of starting a business, it does really show who is there for you and who is triggered by you taking risks, doing something big, doing something that's out of the blue. And like sometimes it becomes this mirror, right? Where, hey, if we started at the same place and you start going here and I'm still down here, I'm gonna try to pull you down because I don't want you to be up here and I highlights that I'm here.

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Yeah. And I think too, it's sometimes if the person isn't and like it's not nefarious, they they they they maybe they love you, but they're like, Sammy, like I feel like, you know, you're going to all these places and you're speaking at these events, and like I feel like I'm losing you rather than me telling you that I'm just gonna like not like your stuff.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

I'm just gonna Yeah, or like, hey, I haven't seen you in a while. I'd love to catch up, or you know, are we still friends? Like, do you know what I mean? People just don't even think like that anymore. And I think social media does have a lot to do with it. It's like kind of, I'm still that person that will pick up the phone and give someone a call in the middle of the day, whether it's inconvenient for them or not. I'm like, hey, how are you going? I was thinking about you today, like what's been happening. Whereas other people just like stare and oh, yep, saw that trip, cool, you know, and it's just like if you want good quality relationships and friendships in your life, you have to actively invest the time into it. And that is hard sometimes. When you're a business owner, you're carrying clients, you're carrying your team, you're then trying to carry whatever dynamic you've got in your home, whether you're a mother, whether you're a daughter, whether you're a wife or partner. And it's just like there's so much to carry. But if you don't prioritize relationships in your life, it really does start to impact everything. Because if your business is everything and you only do your business and you expect this incredible caliber of a person that you attracted when you're at your best, and you stop looking after yourself, you stop trying in the relationship, what's gonna happen?

SPEAKER_01 38:04

Absolutely. I I agree with everything that you're saying. Um, Dan and I, you know, people looking at our relationship, we share what we share online, but we actually have really high standards of each other. Um and some of them are said and some of them are just assumed. Really, we we kind of know that about each other. And yes, I've had a baby, but it doesn't give me an excuse to eat everything in the fridge. Like there's still some sort of control there because it's not about me like looking so good for him. It's about um baseline respect for my body. Yes. And um, if I were to lose that, then he, I don't think he would respect me in the same way. And it's the same thing with him. Like I have standards for him as a husband and and as a father, and we're constantly sharing with each other how we want the other person to grow. And because we feel so secure in the relationship, we don't see it as an attack. So we want to be like healthy, strong in our bodies. We want to be great parents. We're sending each other parenting content. You know, we we want to make sure that our relationship and our intimacy is where it needs to be. So it's constant investing. It's not just easy. You don't just like land your relationship in the smooth sailing. It you have to maintain it. It's like going to the gym. You don't just like go to the gym once. You're like, yeah, I got my membership. I've gotten into this exclusive gym and now I'm gonna forever be fit. It's like, no, you get married and now you have to continue to invest in that relationship. Um, and I think that that's, you know, I love that we've been talking about the importance of relationship because I think people are craving it so much. And I don't know, in the in the last years, I feel like we've become not great communicators. And as women, I feel like it should be our strong suit. And it's really not, and that's why I'm it's a strong focus of one of my passions is feminine communication, because you can communicate your needs without being demanding and aggressive and emasculating the man because no man wants to be scolded, but you also have needs and you're allowed to communicate them. And when we lose that ability to communicate with each other, that's when everything's gonna suffer. Our intimate relationship, our businesses, our friendships. Like as you were saying, if you're not reaching out to someone and saying, like, hey, I miss you, like I haven't seen you in a long time, how do you expect that to heal? It's not just a miracle gonna happen. You have to actually put in that effort.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

So many people have not had great role models for parents. Some have had amazing role models, and if you're one of those ones, you're lucky. However, a lot of us have this intergenerational trauma that has just been passed down from generation to generation. And it's not necessarily anyone's fault. It's just that's all that you were shown growing up, so that that kind of becomes all you know. For the people who are business owners, they're stressed out and they're coming home expecting their partner to pick up all the pieces, or they're getting upset and like, I've been working hard and you do nothing. Like, how do you actually fix that kind of relationship or that dynamic? Because there's always seasons in business. There's seasons where you're probably in hustle mode, you're scaling, you can't be maybe the present wife, mother, you know, even if you're not married and you're just trying to shop for yourself. Like, that's literally me when Nick's not home. I'm not doing the washing for a week sometime. And then I'm like, oh, I have no socks underwear left. Okay, it's time now, you know. Like sometimes I've just abandoned myself because I'm going so hard. But then there's been other seasons where I'm like, okay, I need to slow down and be more present. If you get to that point where you've like self-sacrificed and you're putting everything into the business and all the other balls are starting to drop, how do you actually fix that relationship?

SPEAKER_01 41:52

Yeah, well, first of all, you have to have that desire because some people will be so in their business that they're like, well, that person should just meet me where I'm at, like, pick up the slack. I'm doing the thing. You have to treat the other person with the utmost respect, right? So you have to go into it respectfully and say, like, hey, this is we're not where we're usually vibing, and we can both feel it. How do we fix this? And it's like coming together and deciding to like invest back into your relationship, because I think every relationship goes through that, but you have to have that desire to essentially heal it. Um, when you're in like hyper performance and you're so busy doing all of the things and you're just feeling like that disconnect with your relationship, even just having the conversation of like, hey, you know, I really miss you. I know this is like hustle mode for me right now because I'm in the middle of launching XYZ. I'd really love it if we could plan a dinner, you know, on this date. So it's like a celebration of things. So it's something for you guys to look forward to. And just acknowledging the elephant in the room that things are not the way that they have. Like I said, I'll go back to I just had a baby, okay? So obviously the dynamic in my home has changed so much. And like sometimes we'll be just trying to get kids out the door, and we're both running on no sleep, and we'll literally look at each other from like one end of the house, the other end of the house, and we'll be like, I miss you. And like it's that the acknowledgement of like, hey, I see you, I love you. We're just in this right now, and that's okay. So I think like having a family vision or a couple's vision. So you guys have your independent goals and like what you want to achieve, and then you come together as like, what do we stand for as a couple, right? And so we have a family vision. And so the kids know that, like, for example, like they know that I'm doing this today. Um, and we anchor them into like a vacation. Like, we're gonna go here on this date. This is what we need to sacrifice. It's gonna take your sacrifice, it's gonna take my sacrifice because I fully acknowledge my kids are sacrificing. Sacrificing to, but they're in it, they're understanding that we're building something together. And I kind of feel like it's um a little bit like what your story of you being in the entrepreneurial world. It's like including everyone into the journey. So if your partner isn't in your business, letting them know what's happening in your business and like getting their buy-in and having something to look forward to. Um, and then obviously there's more tactical things that you could do if you feel like there's certain specific resistance points in the relationship. But if it's just a time thing of like, hey, we're not getting to see each other because we're both so busy right now, just acknowledging that goes such a long way because you don't know what's happening in the other person's mind. Like they could be like, does she still love me? She hasn't even looked at me, like she, you know, the they create their own stories. Like we're all running our on our own traumas and we don't know the severity of them. So it's just um extending that olive branch and and just giving them that peace of mind that you love them, you're there for them, and that you have something to look forward to. But I can dive into that in different ways if you want to.

SPEAKER_00 45:06

I really love everything that you've just shared there because it is so valuable. You've got so many different aspects of like, hey, there's the acknowledgement piece, and there's the hey, I might not have the most time, but I can give you something. You're still a priority. I'm not gonna just completely abandon you. I think that's where people actually start to fall apart, is where they've been treated as this incredible priority, and then it's just like they've been passed off to the side because, oh, you're always gonna be there. And it's like, no, they're not always gonna be there if you don't make them a priority. And when it comes to your business and your relationships, like I look at my parents, for example, they have been in survival mode all their life, just business after business, and we've been a part of that, we've felt it, we've seen it. But I think there's an active part where I remember my mum said, you know, my dad is just constantly at bowling, he was building the bowling alley. What do you expect him to do? Like, we're about to go bankrupt. Do you want him to just stay at home and do the mowing or something? Like, no. But the fact is, it's like she can either get in this boat with him and be a part of that, or she can go, okay, once a fortnight, if that's all we can do, like one dinner together. And so that's what they did. And it was really beautiful to see that. And you know, I've gone through seasons with Nick where he is so loyal and he is so helpful. Like these shoes, I was at an awards night and they did not fit. And he went to one shop, they didn't have like the little gel inserts, went all the way, walked to another one. This is like an hour before the awards start, and he is just so committed. And sometimes I sit there and I'm like, I've hosted these retreats and I've done this whole podcast, and he'll be in here with me researching, doing all those things, and he holds it together behind the scenes when I'm falling apart so that I can show up for clients, for my family, everyone else. And it's just like, if I don't take a step back and show him or appreciate him, and like funnily enough, some people they think gifts are gonna fix everything. Here, I'll give you the watch, I'll give you the necklace. No, sometimes these people just want time. Sometimes we chase all these other things, and it's just like, yeah, well, I did this for you and I did that, and I'm making all these sacrifices to make this money to set up our future. But I think it's so important to just take that second to acknowledge it. Like sometimes they they dated you because they wanted to be with you and they don't get to be with you. What's the point?

SPEAKER_01 47:32

Yeah, oh my gosh, I love that. Shout out to Nick, amazing. I love that, and I think too, it's it's feeling included. So I was with someone who's very successful and he traveled around the world all the time, and a lot of the times I got to go with him for business. Um, but I was always felt forgotten. I always felt so dismissed. I was not important. I was not introduced to people. I felt like his colleagues were more important than me. And in the end, I couldn't do it anymore. And it was literally all he had to say was include me in the decision. Like make it a part of that person's vision as well. Like at least include them in some of the decisions so they don't feel like they're this passenger in your rocket ship. Nobody wants that. They want to feel like we're we're like doing this together, we're driving this together in some way. Even if you're the main leader and you're the main talking piece of the project, they want to feel like, you know, I was considered in these decisions because when they feel like they're this afterthought, that's when they'll start to disengage. And that's what happened for me. I was like, he's gonna live his life the way he wants it, regardless if I'm here or not. Like I have made no impact on any of this his decisions. He's never asked me once. And so why am I even here?

SPEAKER_00 49:03

It's like Disney movies, right? There's always main character, and they've got that best friend, that person who is the guide on their journey. And that main character cannot have their transformation without the guide. Another thing that came up for me when you were talking about that was I remember I was traveling one time, met this guy, he was from New Zealand. Funnily enough, he was doing old school backpacking, like a map in his hands, no phone, like it was unreal. And I just I said, Let's go out for lunch, not because I wanted to date him or anything, just because I was like, you're a cool person. I love what you're doing. And he sat down and explained this concept to me about time mates. And so we all, you know, may or may not believe in soulmates, the idea that someone is like intertwined, connected, same values, like, you know, they're your person. We might experience this across friends, it might be people in our family, it might be romantic relationships. And what happens is like you might be vibing, you might be on the same path, you've got the same goals, or you're going through the same experience. Think about it at like school or university, like you're just kind of like on that trajectory together. And what might happen is one person starts growing and going a different way. And it's like you either grow together or you grow apart. And so some people are gonna be time mates for a very long time, but others, they're just there for that one season or that one period. And so it's ultimately coming back to what you're saying about having yes, your own goals, but you have to have those combined goals together. Whether it's like, okay, I've got the business here, I might be driving the business, I might be building the revenue. But from that, that's going into our future. Maybe it's buying a house, maybe it's setting up investments, maybe it's going on a holiday. Like if you're just working for the sake of working, and I'm definitely someone who did this in the past and it became an issue in our relationship, it's like you're always busy. There's always another thing. Like, when are we actually going to stop and enjoy this? And I went, wow. So these next six months, I've actually just scaled back everything. I've got like two main focuses of what I want to do instead of like 10 main ones and 30 side quests. And I'm really enjoying my relationship and I'm in such a happy, beautiful place, and I can make time and be there for friends. Whereas before it was like, hey, I'm doing all these things. If you want to catch up with me, we'll just do a dinner and like try to get everyone in the same room because I don't have time to do it one-on-one. And like that's better than nothing. But I just, I really feel like now, okay, I'm in a great place to give back. Because when you're on that upwards trajectory, when you're doing all those things, sometimes it's like you want the people to come support me and cheer you on. But then it's like, if you're just always doing those things and you're not giving anything back, like how can you expect them to?

SPEAKER_01 51:53

Yeah, I a hundred percent. And I love that you're you're taking time for you and Nick. And and I feel like he's gonna feel like more prepared for the next sprinting cycle that you guys have. Because you're gonna have a sprint cycle. You're gonna have like the jogging cycle where you guys are just relaxing, enjoying living. And then you're gonna have another season of where you're gonna, because that's you who you are, Sammy. Like you can't, you denying that would be betraying yourself, right? You pretending that you're just gonna be like a housewife and have no creative projects outside of that, you'd be lying to yourself, right? Same thing with me. So knowing that you've got your seasons and like honoring that season, and then like anchoring back into your relationship and pouring into that, and it refuels that. So then you guys can go on that next sprint together.

SPEAKER_00 52:47

Coming back to what you were saying before about, you know, the partner thing, like I, in my last relationship, I was the person who was just larger than life, had these big visions, these big dreams, and it was like he was there, but it was like kind of dragging him along. Like it was like I he's just trying to keep up with me. And I think that's why we grew apart ultimately. But then I thought to myself, yeah, it would be great to have someone who is equally as successful, owning a business, you know, all of those things. And I actually look back to that last relationship like we both were kind of running our own businesses, plus we were both involved in our own family businesses. And we never had time for each other. We completely disconnected. And I think when you almost convince yourself that finding someone the exact same as you is going to be the answer, it's usually anything but that. You went on to date this guy who was super successful, but where's the time for you? And so sometimes, like when you're looking for that partner, it is the person that you least expect. It is the person who is almost the opposite of you, and you need that because it balances you out. I think a lot of people may struggle to find the right partner, and other people might already have that. And so they convince themselves, like, I want to do this all alone. But we're not meant to be alone. And who are you gonna call when you're at the top and having all these wins? Or who are you gonna call when you're hitting rock bottom? Having someone in your life that you can bring on that journey with you, whether they're actively involved in the business or they're sitting on the sideline, just supporting you in the relationship, it does make such a difference. Like, I think there's this whole concept around being self-made. And I did this all on my own. I didn't have any help. And like you said in our other podcast, it's like, well, the parents, what about the friends? What about the teachers? What about the mentors? Like, you're not self-made. And this whole idea of self-made, it's kind of toxic.

SPEAKER_01 54:47

Yeah, absolutely. Like nobody, nobody is self-made. Everybody had contribution from someone. And it's interesting because the women that I work with is women sometimes they'll come to me. They're now maybe mid to late 30s, maybe even in their 40s. They've had the career. Okay. So maybe they've built um six, seven, eight-figure business. Um, maybe they're doctors, um, surgeons. And what they missed out on was the love. Because as women, we, you know, we can go too far down the like, I want the equal rights and I can compete with a man. You're not a man though. And at the end of the day, you will never want to live a life just like a man does because they have they have different biology, they have different just desires in general. So we spent so much time proving that we could compete with men that we forgot to be women. And when we do that, what happens is we end up lonely. And so, what I think I would love for people to take away from what you're saying is that like you're building something. So you're not sacrificing yourself because I really don't subscribe to don't go to school, just marry someone young, let him take care of you. If you're a good wife, though, life is so unpredictable. Like the number of women who thought they had it made, they thought they married their dream man, great career, to only get divorced at 40. Oh, now what? What are you going to do now? You you had nothing of your own. Your identity was in your husband. You have to have something of your own, whether it's whether it's a business, whether it's a skill, even. And that's why for my children, I'm not going to force them to go to university, but I'm going to encourage it. I'll say at least either have a degree or start a business. I can help you with that, or have some kind of skill that you can monetize, because you have to be self-sufficient. You have to have something for yourself. So it's like as women, we really have to remember that we dance in the middle. Like if we go so far into the masculine and say, like, I'm going to build my career, I want to be self-made, what you're going to end up is very lonely. And the other thing is when you're in that like hyper-independence mode, you are literally a repellent to men. What you do is like you, like any, and that's the other thing. These women will tell me, Mars, I'm, I would like to attract a very masculine man. That's not going to happen until you decide to get into your feminine because you have the opposites attract, right? So with Dan and I, we're both very fluid. So I can be a lot in my feminine. I can also be very in my masculine, but him too. He can go into his feminine and he can go into his masculine, but you can't be in the same frequencies at the same time. Like you can't both be in your masculine because you'll butt heads and that's when you fight, right? So you have to be able, and I really think that women are a lot in a lot better position to um dance between the two, kind of like go between the two than men are. Men are a lot more rigid, um, generally speaking. I know some men aren't. Um, but just just knowing that, okay, so I can be in my hustle mode, I can be in my masculine, chase my goals, but I'm not gonna do it to the extent that I'm going to deny all my relationships, lose the best man I've ever had in my life because I'm so focused on my goals. And then on the other side, we're not going, you know what, I'm gonna be so much in my feminine, I just need to marry a good man. And like a man is not a financial plan because anything can go wrong, right? So you need to be self-sufficient on your own. And I think it's the balance of the two. And I think that with you honoring your relationship how you are right now and saying, like, you know what, I'm gonna focus on the two important projects and focus on fulfillment in my life. That's how we're gonna create the successful life that people see online. When you see someone who has, you know, a family, a business, and and true abundance in that regard, well, they had to make some difficult choices to get there, right? It wasn't smooth sailing all the way. They had to build their, also their skill set, their emotional intelligence, their energetics. They had to work on their mindset. They had to sit with themselves, they had to take radical responsibility for, you know, how they, the role that they played in their past relationships that failed, all of those things. It's those people that are willing to do that type of work that end up having this the successful life that I think we're all trying to achieve. And it for me, it's a work in progress, you know, like I definitely haven't mastered it. Um, I'm on my journey and I share my journey because it's not, it's not easy. But I'm just conscious of that mistake of going down that only focusing on your career. And I can see where that gets people because I've worked with many of them and I could see myself, I could see into the future. I was gonna be that if I didn't change. I was gonna be that exactly.

SPEAKER_00 59:49

Yeah, I would meet guys and they would be very impressed by what I've achieved, but almost like a bit confronted by my level of confidence. Yeah, exactly. And so it's like met this guy at the coffee shop, and you know, he said to one of, like, we have a mutual friend. He goes, Wow, she's very confident, like, you know, very taken back. And I think I wasn't confident when I was younger. I got bullied, I put myself in situations that just made me feel like shit because I didn't believe in my self-worth and I didn't believe in having boundaries or saying no or standing up for myself. But I don't have people who sit there and just say horrible comments about me in a comment section anymore. I had that all in high school. I had people make memes about me and everything and all those pages. Now I've portrayed myself in a different way. I know what standard I expect. And I also treat people how I want to be treated. I don't see how that behavior would kind of become reciprocated from how I'm showing up. So it's interesting, like the whole dynamic of how your life can change by how you develop the relationship with yourself and how you carry relationships with others. It does impact even clients. Like, if you have, for example, when I was doing coaching, I would have some business owners come to me and they're like, My clients aren't showing up on time, you know, they're not paying their appointments, like they're doing all this dodgy shit. And then you just look at their life and how they're doing the same thing. And it's just like, hang on, this is happening because you're allowing it to happen and you're also leading with that behavior too. With business, it's really easy to get caught up, as we were saying, like in all the external success, the achievements, that validation. How do we find the balance between external success and internal fulfillment? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:43

I feel like that's the thing that is the, in my opinion, like the epitome of success, right? Um, I think as Tony Rodman says, success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure, right? Because after you've climbed this mountain to only realize you've climbed the wrong mountain. That's that wasn't even your mountain to climb. You know, you're not even happy up there. You don't like the view from there. So it's really knowing yourself, you know, like how we create that balance is knowing that you're achieving the goals that you want for your reason. You're not trying to live out the life that your mom wanted or your dad wanted, or that someone else has projected on you, or something you've seen online, that it truly is your mountain. And the other piece to that is that you haven't identified with this mountain. The mountain is something you get to climb, and there's it's something that it needs to come from your ambition, it needs to be like soul-driven. Like, this is what I'm supposed to do. Like, this is exciting, this is fun, and not from a sense of I need to prove my worth. So I I say it as one's ego driven, one's spirit driven. Like if you're following your purpose because you feel like you're here to serve people, that's gonna feel good. You're gonna feel good. Um, if you're doing it to prove your worth, um, that's not gonna feel good even if you are successful. So going back to what we were talking about with the relationships, I don't think you can be successful without uh and being fulfilled without having that human relational element. Because there's lots of people who hit the epitome of success. Maybe they're even multimillionaires, billionaires, and they're, you know, how many marriages in, you know, domestic abuse, custody battles, is that success? Maybe, right? In monetary terms, absolutely. But is that person fulfilled? I would say no.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

Absolutely. Right?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:41

So it's like deciding what that looks like for you. So for you might be to be happily married and have children, or maybe it's not. So deciding what does success look like for you, and then knowing that, yes, part of it is like an achievement base, but making sure that you're not your identity isn't tied to that achievement. This is something you're supposed to do and you're coming from a place of service because that always feels good. And from an energetics perspective, that's how you get abundance when you come from a place of service. And then just remembering that you do nothing alone, like we've touched on already. You know, there's no self such thing as self-made. Everybody was made through whether it's even a hard upbringing from your parents or the education that you were blessed with, or a mentor that came at the right time. We were all blessed in some way. And so therefore, none of us are self-made.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:35

Gosh, you have such a good way of just putting everything together. You know exactly what to say, and the best analogies too, because I'm thinking about this mountain, and for so long I thought it was beauty industry leaders and being, and I'm like, I don't even like beauty. Why am I here? Is it just to prove to everyone that I can be young and get to the top here? And then I realized the mountain that I wanted to climb was being with my family and having this successful, fun business that impacts so many people, not just our customers, the Albany community tourists, like it gives people that opportunity to disconnect from social media, from the phones, from like that loneliness and just have fun again. And I think it's such a random business, but because we have so much passion and pride in what we're doing, it has become so successful and people want to be a part of that. And was my life mission meant to be this one way? And maybe it was for a period of time. And then I realized, oh, actually, through doing that and realizing this is not what I want, now I know what I do want. And this podcast, these conversations, the people that I've connected with, none of it would have happened if I didn't put myself out there and truly, like when I did the rebrand, it was like, am I gonna have people give me backlash on this? I had so many more people message me and say, I love this direction, than like what I made up in my head. And so sometimes like you get caught up in the relationship or the business idea or the brand, and you feel stuck and you just procrastinate on it because it's just like, is it more comfortable to stay here because it's all I've ever known? I've spent all this time and I've committed, or is it like, do I need to pivot? Do I need to change things up? And it doesn't mean abandoning everything that you've done and like calling it quits and walking away. It's just like, how do you fall in love with those things again?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:26

Yeah, I love that. And I feel like you gave yourself permission to just change your mind. Like you literally just changed your mind. You you succeeded in one area, realized that this isn't really where you want to play long term. You had fun there. You did what you needed to do, you achieved it. You kind of ticked that box because you're achievement-oriented. Like that's just your personality type, right? Same with me, same with me. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like that we need to not villainize women wanting to achieve. There's nothing wrong with that. That's a great thing. It means we're doing something for the world. And then you decided you wanted to, like, how I see it for you is like you kind of came home to what business is for you. And that was like the upbringing that you had in the entrepreneurial world. And that feels good because you're taking two boxes at once. You're spending time with your family and you are achieving business goals. I think that's what a lot of people wish that they had, right? I would love to do business with my kids. Hopefully, they want to in the future. I don't know. Luca wants to be a famous soccer player. Aliyah probably does want to get into business. Um, you're just gonna have to buy a soccer team.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:30

Well, thank you so much, Mars. It's been really beautiful to have you on. Like everything that you share is so valuable. And I know I'm gonna actually listen back to this podcast episode because if it's not for the person listening, it's definitely relevant for me and where I'm at. Before we wrap up today's episode, is there one piece of advice that has really impacted you in your journey that you could pay forward to the person listening to this right now?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:54

Yeah, this quote landed in my life when I needed it most. And it was we don't create abundance. Abundance is always present. We create limitations. And what that means to me is that God is always trying to bless us. We are always surrounded by so much abundance, but it's our minds and our limited and scarcity thinking that keeps us stuck, and that we're not actually stuck. We get to choose abundance and we get to choose it in the present moment. Just so powerful. I've got chills.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:29

Thank you so much for coming onto the podcast. If people want to connect with you, if they want to listen to your podcast or work with you, where's the best place to do that?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:37

Absolutely. So you can follow me at Marcia Colosi and on the Marcia Colasi show.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:44

Amazing. Thank you so much. We'll catch you for the next episode. Bye.