Empower Your Soul

Divine Downloads and Self-Doubt: The Real Spiritual Journey

• Medium Nicole • Season 1 • Episode 118

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Ever felt like your spiritual guides were playing a cosmic joke on you? That's the raw, unfiltered conversation we're having today. 

The spiritual path comes with this unspoken expectation that once you commit to serving spirit, everything falls into place - clients appear, money flows, and divine guidance lights a clear path forward. What a beautiful fantasy that is! The reality? It's a mind-bending dance between moments of crystal clarity and crushing self-doubt. One day, you're flooded with divine downloads and absolute certainty; the next morning, you wake up questioning everything about your purpose and abilities.

This episode dives deep into the messy middle of spiritual entrepreneurship – the part where you realize spirit shows you the destination but expects you to navigate the journey yourself. I share my personal frustrations with this process, from experiencing the rollercoaster of Saturday's perfect downloads followed by Sunday's paralyzing doubts, to the surprising ways spirit provides (like unexpected consulting work appearing right when I needed funds for rebranding). 

The truth about working with spirit isn't that they abandon us or fail to provide – it's that they challenge us to grow through the process. They show us what's possible, but we have to prove we're willing to work for it. We must recognize our ego's interference while still honoring our divine guidance. Most importantly, we need to remember that spirit wouldn't reveal a path if we weren't capable of walking it.

Ready to reframe your spiritual journey? Listen now and remember: your struggles don't mean you're doing it wrong – they mean you're doing the real work. Share your experiences or questions with me – my inbox is waiting to hear from you!

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Speaker 1:

Hi there, welcome back to Empower your Soul. I am at my wits fucking end right now. I have tried to record about six different podcast episodes and I get so far down the fucking rabbit hole. I know you probably love it sometimes, but at the same time, like, why can't I stay on fucking topic, right, like? So I'm going to try to do this. I don't know how long or short this is going to be, but there's something to the absolute mind fuck that is spirit, because we do something that we think is what we're supposed to be doing and then we end up doing the complete fucking opposite thing all the time. So let's talk about this. Let's talk about the mind fuck that is spirit, and how, like, we're just supposed to trust and how that's such bullshit. Okay, this is my, my PSA. I'm putting my, my spirit guide team on notice today Because it is so fucking confusing, like it is so hard being in the spiritual space, because I think a lot of us expect, myself included.

Speaker 1:

When you start this journey, you think it's going to be easy, right, you think that spirit is going to take care of things. It's going to be easy. They're going to give you the downloads. I'm here, I'm waiting. Just give me the information. I will do what you say. I will serve spirit exactly the way that I'm supposed to be serving spirit, and it will be delivered and I will do, and that is that, right I am. I am doing, sorry, I'm going to say this. I am doing you a favor, spirit, bring me the clients and I will do the favor for you. Right, it's like in our minds. It's the symbiotic partnership between us and spirit and they will take care of us, they will take care of the bills and I will take care of the clients and the people that need it. For the love of God. It is so not fucking like that. I'm sorry, it isn't, it isn't, and I think that's I'm going to like not go down the super deep rabbit hole here, but I think that is the reality that a lot of people walk into or think about when they're starting the spiritual journey.

Speaker 1:

Again, myself included. I thought that too. I even know somebody through a class who quit her job right after realizing that she could talk to spirit to open up her own business, and thought that spirit was going to give her this Hail Mary, everything financially would be taken care of. And it didn't happen. She had to end up going back to her job, right, and so, like there is so much and I don't want this to be discouraging for anybody that is trying to go on this path Like I want you to know that, but I also I want you to walk into this path with eyes wide open, knowing what the fuck it's like, because we think that if we're here for spirit, they're going to take care of us and I think that they do.

Speaker 1:

But but that requires work. We have to put in work. It is not an easy or free ride period, but I think like it would be unrealistic to expect that working with spirit would be a free ride, an easy ride because we are here on planet Earth, which I would equate to hell, which means that we all have to put in the work to survive. Nobody pays our bills but us, okay, and so it would be great if they could send me the clients to make things easier, and I think that they do, and I and I guess that's where I want to asterisk this a little bit is I think that they find ways to make it easier, but it doesn't always look like I want it to look like it doesn't. I mean point blank, it doesn't. And so they will always provide for me.

Speaker 1:

But I always, it's always like question mark Is this the way? What I should be doing? Like, like, is this? Was this a test from spirit or did they deliver? So, case in point um, I'm going to go through a rebranding process.

Speaker 1:

I tried it before. Spirit said hold off. It didn't feel right. So I held off right, and so I ended up reaching out last week to the rebranding lady and I'm like Spirit is finally telling me it's time to move forward. Let's go. So I open up her packages. She's amazing, by the way. I've seen her redesign a ton of stuff. I know she's amazing, by the way. I've seen her redesign a ton of stuff. I know she's amazing. I know she's worth her money, worth the money. But she asked which package I wanted. That's what she said. And the package that Spirit told me to get was the middle of the line package, which is thousands of dollars, thousands of dollars, because rebranding is not cheap. And I literally stammered to Spirit. I'm like are you fucking kidding me? Where is that money coming from? And they're like don't worry, we got it. And I was like was this like the weird dude that's like on the Facebook ads. That's like Spirit told me to quit my job or told me to go full time. They're going to find and then he gets a Prius. You know which one I'm talking about. I haven't seen him in a while, by the way, he'll probably pop up, because I just said that You're welcome everybody.

Speaker 1:

Because I hear that story and I think bullshit, right, because that's me, because Spirit is never actually that clear. They don't like tell you to do step A, step B, step C, and I think that's what's interesting about this. Like I, at least for me, and maybe this is something to do with my human design, something to do with my chart, I don't know, but spirit is never that clear for me. It's always a knowing and so, like except for this time, they were like do the middle one to the middle few thousand dollar program? And I was like are you shitting me? And they said I'll take care of it, just wait. And I'm like okay, I don't know what fucking Hail Mary you're coming with with a few thousand dollars, but okay.

Speaker 1:

And then, literally the next day, when I went to go sign this contract, my old consulting company reached out to me and they're like hey, could you do literally that same amount of money? It's worth of work in two weeks for us. And I'm like, what it's even happening? Um, so, yeah, so this is what I'm saying. And then like and then me, which is the mind fuck version of you know, spirit is just like is this a trick? Like am I? I thought I'm not supposed to be doing that. Is this a trick? I'm supposed to be trusting that spirit is leading the way, but at the same time, they're finding money for me through consulting, which is not where I want to go, and it's not what I want to do. And it's not but like, but at the same time, that's where the money is Right. And so it's so interesting to me, because it's this constant game of should I, shouldn't I? What is this? What is that? And then, when I think it's this constant game of should I, shouldn't I? What is this? What is that? And then, when I think it's something, it ends up being something else, and that's about how clear it is working with spirit. So another example I'm going to give you is that, which is so cool, by the way, which is so cool that they show up in that way, knock on wood, they, they find ways to deliver and take care of me on the spiritual path, but at the same time, I have to fucking leap and then hope that they catch me. Right, I have to leap and hope that they catch me. Yeah, it is the most stressful bullshit one could ever go through. So here's another example.

Speaker 1:

Okay, this weekend, saturday, I felt so good and connected to spirit. I like I was getting downloads. I was feeling really good, like I don't know what was in the water that day. I was just feeling really aligned and really in connection with spirit. And again, for me, a lot of my downloads come in as knowing. A lot of my downloads come in as it feels good in my body and just knowing that this is a good decision. So, all day Saturday, I kept getting downloads for new and new things to launch, to release, new, new training things, new communities, etc. And every single one I tapped into felt really good. Like felt really good down to my bones, really good. I'm like it's going to be successful, it's going to be amazing. This is my path, this is what I'm supposed to do, right, like, even down to the pricing, even down to all of these things, which, which I love, because this is what I want. I want spirit to give me the exact fucking path I'm supposed to go down. It would be a lot easier. I know it takes my empowerment away and my free will away, but let's be honest, can you just point me to my best path and I will go? I'm not afraid to do the work I digress. So I went to bed feeling so good on Saturday, like I finally felt good and I felt like relaxed and I was like, okay, I got it. Now I got it. This is going to be amazing.

Speaker 1:

And then I woke up Sunday morning and it all went to shit. It all went to shit. All the things that I felt so sure about. Literally less than 24 hours or 12 hours before, I was second guessing. I was thinking why me? I'm not worthy. I'm not the person who's supposed to do this. I don't have the expertise. Why, why me? Why me it's not going to work, I'm not going to find the people.

Speaker 1:

All trust and faith that this would be a successful endeavor was literally gone after I went to bed and I had to wake up and I'm like what changed? What changed between the day before and the current day where everything that made sense and sounded perfect was a giant question mark. And so I think this is I don't know what this is and I'm not. I don't know if I'm going to be able to explain it, but what they're showing me is like the downloads can come in and they can be amazing and insightful, but then it's going to take time to build the most successful, successful version of that. What can come in between the downloads and in the execution are your ego, your brain that's going to doubt you and say that you're doing it wrong, you're doing it the wrong way, right. The human starts coming in and overriding it and the ego comes in and overrides what feels amazing.

Speaker 1:

And even though in my logical head I know it's just a bad day, I know it's just a bad day. I know that when I have days like this, I acknowledge them. I realize there's like some days there's not much I can do about shifting or changing that energy. Sometimes that is just the energy of the day and I chalk it up to a bad day and I hope that I wake up better the next day. Newsflash, it's the next day after that. I still feel like shit. So, even though logically in my mind. I know that the information I received was valid, was good. I think I'm still going to move forward with this stuff. Now the human nervousness comes in and it takes over. And I think it's so poignant to point out that, even though my logical mind knows what I'm feeling is bullshit, I'm still feeling it. I still feel gross, I still feel uneasy about this, I still feel like it's not good enough, that I'm not good enough.

Speaker 1:

And so this is, I think, what spirit talks about in terms of doing the work right, because you think that they're going to come through and they might give you that Hail Mary plan, but it's not going to be a straight go. Fly to the finish line. You have to go through the mud, you have to go through the weeds, you have to climb the mountains, you have to find the people, you have to recruit the people right, you have to bring people on board. So it's almost like these nuggets of gold they give us are kind of like that finish line and the potential, but then you have to get to work. You have to get to work. You can't assume spirit's going to take care of everything. They can give you the motivation. Excuse me, but you're the ones that are going to have to move your feet. Start moving in that direction. Start planning the outline of these classes, these communities, start finding the clients, start advertising on social media, start creating that website, because, until you acknowledge that your energy is going to be the one to push this forward Because, realistically, it is you, it is your energy, it is your motivation that needs to make it.

Speaker 1:

What spirit is showing you is possible, because spirit can show you what's possible, but it's not going to do it for you. They're not going to do it for you, and so this is the mindfuck that can be. Spirit Is that, even with the best intentions and wanting to help and serve others, that's lovely and good at all, but spirit doesn't need you. I'm sorry they, they're making me stop. I was going to say they don't need you to do this. I think reality is that they need some people to do this. Oh, that sounds like an. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry that I sound like an asshole right now. Let me ask them why I'm stopping here and why I sound like such an asshole. They're saying it's true, there needs to be, there need to be people that do what we do, that that are the metaphysical practitioners is what I'm hearing them say.

Speaker 1:

However, you also need to prove that you're up to the challenge, and some days that's going to look different than others, right, and some days they might give you the destination, but you have to prove that you're willing to do the work to get there. You need to do the work, and so I guess I'm going to shift this around a little bit and I want to take the last couple of minutes to challenge you. To challenge you because, even though they showed me the finish line on some of these programs, and even though I feel like shit about it and I feel like I'm not good enough, I'm going to tell you that spirit wouldn't give you or show you something if you weren't capable of it, wouldn't give you or show you something if you weren't capable of it, if it wasn't something that you could do or you have the talent to do, or that you're worthy to do. Because they, they do that. They to me, they're like little cheerleaders. They show you what the potential is, but then you are the one who has to decide. Do I accept that, yes or no? And am I going to move forward to get you on that journey, because when I see that in my head and I think it's very similar to a lot of like the Jesus things, the God things you know, like what is the footprints in the sand thing you all know a Christian or Catholic person that has that in their bathroom right Like we all do, every one of us. I could name the family in my family that has that. But you need to start walking that path and spirit is going to be right there, walking with you and they're going to meet you where you're at and they're going to help you and they're going to shove you down side quests and directions that are going to help you journey, to make you feel worthy, to make sure you have the education, the expertise to execute what they're kind of showing you as the potential. But the reality is is that you have to take each blow along the way, each unexpected twist turn, each, each like blood, sweat and tears that you're going to have along the way, and you have to say thank you, spirit, may I have another along the way. And you have to say thank you spirit, may I have another, because you have to trust that this is your journey and that, even though they're not going to make it easy for you every step of the way. They are going to make the journey rewarding at the end.

Speaker 1:

When you look back and I can tell you without a doubt, even though moment to moment this work can be excruciating, it can feel like I can't go on. It can feel like everybody else is doing it better than you. Everyone else wants it more than you. Everyone else is just more skilled at this stuff. I can tell you number one what you see on social media is everyone's best, everyone. My clips they're my best clips. I'll be totally honest with you, right, they're, they're everyone's best.

Speaker 1:

Is it typical? I don't know. I guess I post all of my readings on the pod, like the full length readings on the podcast, so you can hear that it's not typical for me to have these slam dunks after slam dunks after slam dunks every moment of every reading, but they do tend to happen once a reading, right, and so like, stop thinking that you're not good enough by what other people put on social media, because you are, that people are putting their best. It's like the dating site of social media. You aren't going to put the picture of you eating 12 hot dogs on social media, right? You're not.

Speaker 1:

I don't record podcast episodes if my hair isn't done, I don't. So think about that. Think about how spirit wouldn't give you the opportunity if it wasn't possible. And I want you to think about how can you trust them more and let them kind of show you the way, or how can you take that next step, even if you're not sure it's the right path, and then watch the signs and synchronicities that point you in that right direction, because you need to get back to feeling that day on Saturday, like I did, that everything is going to work out, everything is going to be in alignment, right. You have to get back to that soul level recognition that I'm supposed to be here, this is my journey, and you have to recognize your ego for what it is, your journey for what it is, but also keep moving forward and let spirit walk you to your destination and don't forget to enjoy the view along the way. There I said it, I finally got one episode recorded. Leave it there.

Speaker 1:

I would absolutely love to hear from you. I have to be honest that my podcast email inbox is feeling a little sad and empty. So if you have questions, anything that I can answer for you anything you want. That's going on. That's wonkiness. I would love to get more engagement in my inbox there. I'm happy to answer any questions you have, give you little sneak peeks into, maybe, things that are going wrong in your readings, or there's things that you got a reading on and you're like what was that? I'd love to do that, so let me know. I think that's where I'm going to end it. From my soul to yours, I hope you truly have a wonderful, magical day. Take care.

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