Empower Your Soul

Breaking the Medium-Client Emotional Disconnect

• Medium Nicole • Season 1 • Episode 122

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Have you ever wondered why some clients seem unmoved by readings that feel magical to you, while others burst into tears over messages that seem ordinary? Welcome to one of mediumship's greatest challenges: the emotional disconnect between medium and sitter.

The perfect reading creates magical alignment—your energy matches your client's, evidence flows effortlessly, and validation comes readily. These "slam dunk" sessions leave both parties feeling transformed and connected. But what happens when there's a mismatch? When you deliver what feels like extraordinary evidence only to face a poker-faced client? Or when you relay seemingly routine information that unexpectedly moves someone to tears?

This disconnection represents a crucial growth point for developing mediums. It reveals how ego creates expectations about how readings "should" feel and how clients "should" respond. The truth? You don't work for the client—you work for spirit. While clients pay the bill, your responsibility lies in delivering messages with integrity, regardless of how they're received.

Client reactions vary wildly based on personality, expectations, grief processing, and countless factors beyond your control. Some maintain stoic expressions while being deeply moved; others have read that they shouldn't give too much feedback. What feels like rejection often isn't—many seemingly unimpressed clients return year after year, finding tremendous value in your work despite their muted reactions.

Perhaps most profound is the realization that spirit often delivers life-changing messages without fanfare. What feels like mundane information to you might be precisely what your sitter needed to hear. You never know which piece of evidence will transform someone's grief or provide the closure they've sought for years.

Next time you experience this emotional mismatch, sit with it compassionately. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, give yourself the validation you seek, and remember: if you're showing up with an open heart and delivering messages with integrity, you're succeeding as a medium—regardless of the reaction across from you.

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Speaker 1:

Hello everyone, welcome back to Empower your Soul. I'm your host, nicole, and this podcast episode is going to look and sound a bit different than other episodes. So I want to thank you in advance because this is my first installment of my car channeling series that I want to begin for two specific reasons. First reason being it is summer, it is chaos mode around my house with my kids and camps, and I'm just finding that I have so many topics that I want to talk to you all about and I have zero time to record podcast episodes. But what is happening is I'm in my car quite a bit shuffling the kids to and from camp, and so I have plenty of time in the car. And then, number two, I don't know about all of you, I get my best channeling moments in the car. I would often channel spirits to and from my corporate job in Boston. I often tell all the clients, all of my students, that spirit always pops in while you are already occupied doing the dishes driving the car, because spirit uses your brain in that alpha mode not your beta state, but your alpha state to pop in and channel information for you. And so this seems like a perfect opportunity. We'll give it a try. If the audio sucks, I'm so sorry. I did order special recording equipment just for this, but then I didn't plan on having the road noise as well. So, fingers crossed, this is pretty good. So thank you in advance for your trust.

Speaker 1:

So today I thought I would talk about oh, this is this is fresh off of a excuse me mentorship session earlier today with a lovely mentor of mine, and I've experienced this recently as well, so I know this is something I need to talk about. In particular, I want to talk about the discrepancy in emotions and feelings in a reading and what you, as the medium, are reading versus what the sitter is maybe receiving or relaying back to you non-verbally, because when there is a discrepancy of emotions, of feedback, of just tone in the way the information is perceived, it can really throw off a medium. So let's talk about best case scenario first. Best case scenario in mediumship is when you are doing a reading, your energy matches the reading of your sitter and it's a slam freaking duck. And when I talk about a slam freaking duck, I mean that your reader is excited, you're excited, we're pulling through a fun, lively spirit and they're invested in the conversation. When I say invested in the conversation.

Speaker 1:

What that will typically look like regardless of whether it's a sitter or whether this is honestly a corporate reading is that they're engaged, they're passionate, they're having dialogue. They might disagree with maybe some of the contents of what you're saying, but they're there, their energy's there, they're open, they're receiving, they want to hear and trust what you have to say. And those sessions can be so rewarding because not only are you receiving the information from spirit and it feels really good because you're relaying really good information but your sitter is also receiving the information from spirit and it feels really good because you're relaying really good information but your sitter is also receiving the information just as well as you are delivering it to them. And and that alignment feels freaking amazing, right, those are the readings you walk away from and you're like holy shit, I was meant to do this work. There's nothing else I want to do. I was meant to do this work. There's nothing else I want to do. I want all of my sitters to look like this, and that's just because you feel so validated in the work that you're doing. You're getting the yeses from the sitter, you're getting the nonverbal feedback from the sitter of smiles, of excitement, of tears, of joy, of love. They might walk out of the reading saying thank you so much. That was amazing. That's exactly what I wanted to hear, right? And because they are open and more communicative, you know exactly what landed and what didn't. And, honestly, most circumstances or most cases with those types of sitters, most of the stuff will land because the energy is so open and loving and flowing right. Slam dunk, love those readings.

Speaker 1:

But more often than not and as my mentee is venturing out into the client world and starting to do readings for people that are not mediumship students, she's finding that sitters take the information so differently because you are going to have those slam dunk, amazing, happy, high vibe clients and at the same time you're also going to get clients that are accepting of the information, but maybe they're more neutral in their tone. Maybe they've done their research and they've read that you're not supposed to talk in the reading. You're just supposed to say yes, no, maybe I don't know. Maybe they are really good at deadpan, maybe they're talking to somebody that they don't really want to talk to and they're just not thrilled about the way that it's going. Maybe they walked in with lots of different expectations that make it very difficult for you as the medium to deliver on.

Speaker 1:

We've all had them right and so I think the biggest I'm going to say it mindfuck there is about mediumship. So hang on before I go there for a second, before I talk about the mindfuck. Like, we've all had those clients and I know that there has been situations where your vibration matches it. I know I've had it where yeah, I also agree, wasn't my best reading right? And so when the sitter realizes that and when you reflect it back to you and you feel the same exact way, it's almost like shucks. You know I'll get them next time. You know those don't feel great, but you know that you've put your best into it and you're realizing that the sitter is reflecting back kind of what you expected from the reading.

Speaker 1:

Again, it's fine when I think you and the sitter are in alignment, but the mind fuck is when you and the sitter are not in alignment, and I want to go both ways with this, um, because I want to talk about when you think this is a slam dunk, fucking reading where you are pulling out names and evidence and dates and incredible memories and things that the sitter has done recently and you're like wowing yourself with this incredible, awesome evidence and messages and loving support, and your sitter's like, oh well, maybe that might be true, uh well, you know that is the name, but like that's not the person who's coming through it, right, because they have different expectations, maybe, of what mediumship looks like. And so when you walk away feeling like holy shit, that was amazing and the and, but the sitter is not giving you that, those non-verbals, the smiles, the, the validations, the feeling of wow, like you have the feeling of wow, it can feel like shit, and I think that's part of the journey of mediumship is. So why does it feel like shit? Right, like is learning why, why, why sometimes it feels amazing and why sometimes it feels like shit. And usually it all has to do with your ego, because if you're pulling out amazing evidence, of course your ego is like fuck, yes, I was born for this. And then you walk away saying like, oh, why, why was that sitter like that? Like they should have realized they don't know, like they're never going to be happy, right, with any. They couldn't be happy with the best man in the world, right? And then you kind of like start poo pooing the sitter a little bit. I'm sorry it happens and you're just like, damn, you know, I would have loved a little more validation and happiness from them.

Speaker 1:

And then and then that creates this again, this, this vibrational gap, this vibrational disconnect between you and the sitter, which can be really challenging to process, when you feel like you've had an amazing experience and you feel like the sitter has not had an amazing experience and you have to figure out how to process that has not had an amazing experience and you have to figure out how to process that. And then on the flip side, on the other side of the coin, it's the same thing, right, because you can walk away or do a reading and think and this happened last night in the Medianship. Mastermind saw it with my own eyes and those of you you know it was you and like I had to call this out because when the information comes in, so unemotional from spirit I'm trying to think about the right words so unemotional from spirit, like you don't get those big intense feelings, you don't get those big intense energies, you're just getting evidence and you're so focused on delivering the evidence, you know, in a way that honors the spirit that's bringing the information through and you're not really tied into the emotions of that evidence and you're just relaying it, relaying it, relaying it like it's fact, fact, fact, fact, fact. And then you look up and your sitter's crying and you're like what did I say? And I mean like usually in those instances, the first instance is like, oh fuck, what did I say? As in like I fucked up. But that's not the reality of it, because if a sitter is generally crying, you've done your job and it's an amazing reading. But it's so again, weird and wonky and fucked up when you don't have the same emotional reactions, because your sitter is crying and you've just delivered what you think is a very basic, generic message. And so again, there's that disconnect there of the vibrations and what you've brought through. And it was such a lovely opportunity last night and I love the spiritual setup Like I didn't know why I had to set these two up in the mastermind together, but but it was like this amazing moment of being like to to the medium.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my God, you have no idea what message you just delivered to to your sitter, like because I had been talking to the person receiving this reading offline right before the reading and it was a huge, impactful, insightful, amazing, exactly what she needed to hear from, exactly the person she needed to hear it from, which is why she was profusely crying on this mastermind practice circle and I had to say and I wanted to take a moment to say timeout, pause, because I know that you didn't feel the power of what you brought through, and I think this is the magic of mediumship, is you never know what is going to be important and what's going to be the key, amazing message that is going to change and transform your sitter's life. And it's almost like spirit kind of glosses over that information. Most of the time it'll just they'll just say something and you'll whip. You know, you'll say it really quickly, it won't have any big power or emotion or feeling to it, but it'll come out of your mouth and you'll walk away being like, eh, all right, but but you said the exact thing that they were hoping, that you'd hear, the exact evidence or the exact message that they were hoping you deliver that day.

Speaker 1:

And so, again, there's this disconnect of vibration, this mismatch of vibration between you and the sitter, and I think this really just gets down to the fact of the ego in these readings, because that's what it is it's ego. Positive, it's ego. Negative. Right, it's ego. I did a good job. Ego, I missed the mark, I didn't do a good job.

Speaker 1:

And it's this ego of wanting to always be the best, always want to be perfect in this work. And I love that because that means that you're striving to that. You're striving to be high integrity, to present the information from spirit in the best way that you can. So I never think of perfection, or at least the desire for perfection, to be bad. But that can get in the way, right, that can trip you up and mess you up and make you think that if I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough, I shouldn't be doing this work, which is absolutely not true. So I'm going to get off that soapbox just for a moment, because I don't want to stay there. I want to go back to the emotional energy and that disconnect that can sometimes happen when you're reading with clients. So, number one, I want you to know that you are not alone if this happens to you.

Speaker 1:

In fact, I feel like this is a rite of passage for mediums, because when you are in mediumship practice circles, for the most part you're going to have those wonderful opening accepting sitters that can take most of it and it feels I'm going to be honest most of the time it feels pretty neutral and that's lovely and wonderful because you are really like working and honing in on the evidence. But once you move into the client world, they may take it wonderfully, they may take it shitty, right they might. They might have all of these different reactions, and that is absolutely their right as sitters to have all of these varying reactions to our work. And again, that can be due to all different root causes whether they're educated, uneducated, about mediumship, whether they're just closed-off personalities, whether they're open, honest, flowy personalities, whether they are introverts or extroverts and it really does take all types when it comes to mediumship clients. And so I really want to challenge all of you to think differently about the messages and evidence you're channeling for spirit, because you're not channeling it. Sorry. I'm sorry If you're. I'm used to say this in every single reading. I'm sorry. The sitter may be paying the bill, but I work for spirit. So I always like to say I am not working for you.

Speaker 1:

Spirit has hired me through you, and so this is not about whether the sitter is happy. This is not about whether the sitter is aligned to your information, your, your energy, your expectations, right. Your job is not necessarily to make the sitter happy. Your job is to relay the information from spirit, with integrity, with the best intentions, right, with as few and as limited biases as possible. And so if there is an emotional disconnect, it's almost like you need to train yourself to not pay attention to that. And so this is not about I did good or I did bad. This is about I expected. See, you have your expectations too. I expected the client to see it the way that I saw it. And doesn't that just scream ego over here? So, yeah, you're not in it for the client, you're not in it for their happiness, their enjoyment, parlor, trick anybody. You are in it to serve spirit and deliver and relay the messages as they want you to relay the messages as they want you to relay the messages and what. How the client receives those messages and those evidence is not up to you, nor should you.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to say it. I'm sorry Again, asshole Nicole here. Nor should be my rebrand name, right? Let's just asshole Nicole the medium. That would be amazing, right? I wonder what my logo would look like. I could, I could have fun with it. I could do a donkey. I could do some butt cheeks, like, whatever works. It would be amazing. Um, the cats behind anybody like hilarious, I would love that. So, um.

Speaker 1:

So this is what I'm talking about when I'm saying that I want you all to really think differently about your clients, about your sitters, about the work that you are doing, because you're serving spirit, and so, if it happens and there's that emotional, the vibrational disconnect with between you and your client, I want you to sit with that. I really want you to just like sit with that energy and be honest with how that makes you feel, because how you feel is valid. I'm not telling you to just ignore it and, you know, brush it under the rug or you know act like it's nothing, because obviously this is bringing up something in you that needs to be healed. If this happens and I'm going to say it happens to pretty much every medium I've ever known and we learn to deal with it right, but you have to learn to deal with it. So, instead of brushing it under the rug enough times that your nervous system learns to ignore it, I'm going to say what can you do differently? How can you sit with this energy, this discomfort that you're feeling and bring yourself the love that the client may or may not have given you. How can you go back on the reading and remind yourself that you did a fantastic job? Or you have, yes, not, or it's an, and you did a fantastic job.

Speaker 1:

And there are a few areas where you can continue to work and grow and prosper in the mediumship space and work with your team on, because these are all valid feelings and assessments. But I don't want you judging your mediumship, who you are, what you are doing, what you are here to do in service of spirit, because of one reading and how one client's face looked as a result of you relaying information from spirit, because that's not fair to you. That's not fair to you Because how much time and energy and effort has been put into this loving message, this amazing evidence that you provided for your clients. It's not like you just like woke up, strolled out of bed, decided one day you're going to do this and started reading the dead people. No, like if you're listening to this, you put hours of work in like years of work in thousands and thousands of dollars, probably in classes and practice circles and training, and that is nothing to sneeze on.

Speaker 1:

So instead of beating yourself up every single time you get a no, or every time there's that vibrational disconnection, misalignment between you and your sitter, this is just one more step in your learning journey to become the best medium that you can. Your clients won't fault you for that, and I have to say some of my most disconnected clients have come back year after year and just because I expect them to receive the information in a certain way and they don't receive it the way that I expect them to receive it does not mean that they didn't receive it the best way possible for them and that they are absolutely like, thrilled and overjoyed with the reading from you. So there you have it. I have arrived at my destination just in time, truly just like spirit, and I just wanted to say thank you for being you and being of service to spirit. And if no one told you already today you're a fucking fantastic medium, go get them out there.

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