The Truth About Soulmates: Why Some Are Here to Love You and Others Are Here to Change You

A connection can feel like destiny and still be the very thing you need to walk away from. We’re digging into the soulmate meaning beyond pop culture and Disney romance, because “one soulmate for life” can trap people in guilt, confusion, and messy relationship cycles when life starts shifting fast.

We talk about soulmates as spiritual allies across lifetimes, not just romantic partners. That includes spouses, best friends, siblings, and the unexpected person who shows up at the exact right moment to push your growth forward. We explore how past lives, reincarnation, and soul groups can explain why love can feel identical across different connections and why some soulmates may support you as guides rather than incarnating alongside you.

Then we get practical about soul contracts and catalytic relationships: the ones that hook into your energy, light up intense attraction, and still leave your human experience feeling unstable or unsafe. We unpack the lessons these dynamics can deliver, like boundaries, self-worth, recognizing red flags, and breaking karmic loops so you stop repeating the same pain in a new body with a new face. We also separate human behavior from soul-level love, making space for grief, release, and a bigger perspective on healing.

If you’ve been questioning a relationship, this is your permission slip to choose what helps you become your strongest self. Subscribe for more conversations on spiritual growth and relationships, share this with a friend who’s navigating change, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

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I'm looking for curious humans, students, practitioners, skeptics, business owners, intuitives and people willing to let us explore the weird stuff.  We may read you. Test you. Ask you to intuit something ridiculous. Connect with Spirit. Experiment with energy. Explore your soul. Or ask you to help us answer a question none of us knows the answer to yet.

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MEET NICOLE

Nicole is an evidential medium and former corporate executive who blends data, systems, and spirit communication after her son began seeing the dead. She’s obsessed with exposing the hidden patterns and frequencies keeping you stuck, and recoding them so you can finally live the life your soul designed for you. She offers private readings, mentorship, and classes in mediumship, spiritual growth, and soul-aligned business. 

Click here to learn more & connect with Nicole: http://links.mediumnicole.com

Transcript

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Welcome And Why Soulmates Now

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Unity Code podcast. Whoo, I gotta talk about soulmates today. I do, I do, and I wanted to take an episode or two, we'll see where this goes, to really explain the idea of soulmates, who they are, why they're here, what they do, what are soulmates across lifetimes. And I really want to go into this conversation today because I am finding so many clients that are going through huge relationship transformations right now. And I think this is the sign of the times. I think this is something to do with the 2026 energy of the fire horse and things that are meant to rip out of your reality very quickly if they are not in alignment for you. And I think so many of you have been on your own road of growth and transformation so far this year. And I find it quite ironic that around the same time, middle of this year, I'm having so many clients that are having relationship difficulties with significant others, with very close friends. And so I uh and I and oh like and I think there's a lot of false expectations of what soulmates are and what they do for you. I almost said yeah, there was something else that almost came out. Um, and so I want to talk about it and level set based on my knowledge at this time of soulmates. So let's go there. Okay. I'm like pausing because there's like seven different areas that I want to go into. So I'm gonna trust that spirit is gonna beautifully unfold this podcast episode exactly the way that it needs to, as always. So, soulmates. I think, you know, me as this little Libra that is just obsessed with love growing up, I loved the idea of soulmates. Like I was all about like true love's kiss, you know, obviously I was indoctrinated by the Disney culture. Um, and and so I always came with this perspective of a deep wanting to find out who my soulmate was, even as a little kid. Like I was dating people in kindergarten, right? Like, I don't know. Like, I don't, like, I just I love love. I've always loved love. And I remember around the age of 13, no word of a lie, I was so lonely as a child. I didn't fit into a lot of different social groups, that I put my hands up to the universe and said, I am ready for my partner. Bring him to me. 13. I was 13. I'm ready.

A Teen Prayer And A Lifelong Love

SPEAKER_00 3:05

I just needed somebody that I could trust, that I could love deeply, that would love me deeply, that believed in me, because these were all things that I lacked in my immediate circumstances as a young child. And I was at the age of 13, where obviously hormones are transitioning, and I was just fucking lost. And so I put it up to the universe. I said, find me my person. I am ready. Didn't take long. Two years later, I met my husband. Actually, ironically, what is happening in my head right now is they're showing me he did show up that year. He did show up when I was 13. He was friends with my brother for a very short period of time and was at the house for a very short period of time. I remember his truck being outside. Um, yeah. And so I so the universe fucking delivered my soulmate at, you know, 13, but I formally started dating him when I was 15. Yes, we have been together for eternity at this point. I know, is it ridiculous? Is that ridiculous? Everybody's so fucking ridiculous. And yeah, we've been together ever since. Like, wild. It's it's wild. Um, and so for somebody that deeply believes and like loves a fucking soulmate, like please know this is all coming from somebody who is deeply, deeply romanticized in the idea of soulmates. Okay. So, like I, as a little kid would be would be completely insistent that there is a one person out there for every single person. I know better now. And let's talk about how I know better now. Because I know better because through this work with spirit and through this work with current lives, past lives, departed loved ones, the idea of soulmates is, or let me say it this way: the idea of monogamous soulmates. You get one in your life is definitely more of a human-based concept. And the reason I know this is because I have met my past life husbands or wives, if I was a man. I have met my past life soulmates. I have met my future soulmates, my future life soulmates, I have met my soul-based soulmates that I don't necessarily reincarnate with, right? And what is so interesting about all these different soulmates is the level of love is the same. It's the same. The deep, profound love that I feel for my husband in this incarnation is the same deep, profound love that I feel for other soulmates in other incarnations. It's like the same soup, but it's a slightly different spice to it. You know what I mean? And so, this idea of one soulmate for

Why One Soulmate Is A Myth

SPEAKER_00 6:00

you in this lifetime is a little bit laughable because across many lifetimes, our souls have many different soulmates. And so if we continue with that thought pattern of many different soulmates across many different lifetimes, and like just to like asterisk this really quick, because I feel like this question is popping up in somebody's head. Yes, I've had my husband as my husband across many lifetimes. Sometimes he's been my wife. Sometimes I've been the husband. So, yes, we have had multiple lifetimes as spouses across um past lives, but also at the same time, we've also had lifetimes where we're best friends, where we're siblings, where um, like it's mother and daughter, mother and, you know, dad. So it's all of the different roles because we don't come with the same relationship dynamic with our soulmates over and over again. We come to learn our soul's journey, and with a lot of our soulmates, we come to support their soul's journey, their learning in their human incarnations as well. And so this idea of soulmate here in the physical world equates to romantic love. But in the soul world, it equates to like your spiritual best friend that will do fucking anything to support you in your growth and development. It's like a mic drop from spirit right there. And so do you think that you only have one soul across your entire lifetime existences that supports you to no end to help you do anything that you need to to learn learn your soul lessons? No, you don't. You probably have a couple hundred souls that are quote unquote your soulmates that are helping you in this journey. And that's not to say because someone else is thinking this question. Someone is reading Michael Newton's Journey of the Souls right now and wondering, but are they in the same development group as me, soul group as me? Like, not always. I think there are soulmates within our soul groups, and I think some of our soulmates are across different soul groups, right? I think some of your soulmates will reincarnate with you over and over again. I think some soulmates maybe are on a different trajectory at a soul level learning from you, and they they have their own journey. And when yours interact, when yours are learning similar lessons that you can learn from each other, you will come together. But I think that those soulmates may have lifetimes fewer and fewer where you don't reincarnate as much together. And so, like, I don't want us to put this idea of like soul pods into this soulmate discussion because I think it adds complexity where it's not necessarily needed. So I want you to like put that aside if that's you and you're thinking about the soul pod, who do I reincarnate with over and over again? Because I don't think it's everybody that you're soulmates with. But that's not to say, and I think a really good example Spirit is giving me is one of your soulmates might be, let's just say, like an ascended master. Maybe one of your soulmates is Jesus. Can we just put that out there? Like, is that a weird enough statement? But maybe that's true. Maybe Jesus is like your big brother best friend, like he is with me. That is the energy I get from him, and he's your soulmate because he would show up to help you learn any single lesson that you want. Now, Jesus, I don't think he incarnates much here anymore, right? I feel like he had a pretty good one. Probably learned all the lessons in one. Um, and has decided maybe to not come back. Maybe, maybe you disagree with that. I don't know. I'm just, I'm just hypothesizing here, right? And so Jesus might be like, I fucking love you, Nicole, but I'm gonna stay over in the spirit world because there's so many different people that I need to help. And I'm gonna help you too, but I'm gonna stay here and you're gonna go and reincarnate without me. But now you're gonna be, now I'm gonna help you as a guide, as an ascended master that's gonna show you the path that you need to and keep you reminded of exactly who you are so that you can continue on your soul's

Soul Groups Guides And Ascended Masters

SPEAKER_00 10:20

lessons. And that's what I mean when I say you don't necessarily reincarnate with all of them because they might have different paths than you, but it doesn't mean that they still wouldn't do anything they could to help you learn your lessons and grow and evolve as a soul. And so just to recap, because I just said Jesus is your soulmate, just to recap, we just identified that one soulmate per lifetime is a very human-based concept. Thank you, you know, to the structures of the churches who did not want um polyamorous relationships. They just wanted monogamy, right? And so, like built under the function of monogamy, right? And so we do have multiple soulmates that we may or may not reincarnate with across lifetimes. But the idea of the soulmate, the definition of the soulmate is somebody who will unconditionally love and help you across lifetimes with your soul's journey. Okay. So let's just put some use cases. Let's like test, let's talk about what I just said with all of you, because that means you could have more than one soulmate that comes through in this lifetime. And I'm not talking about more than one marriage. I'm talking about people who are helping you learn your soul's lessons. Maybe you have five of them in your life, maybe you have 10 of them in your life, maybe they do show up as two spouses. Maybe you get married to one soulmate, realize that that person is not supporting the best version of you in this lifetime. You've outgrown them andor they've outgrown you. Maybe they've stayed stagnant while you've grown, and it's not a match anymore, and they're not helping you with your soul lessons. And so you decide to shift gears and depart and move into a new relationship and get and separate. And then maybe you meet your second partner and they're the love of your fucking life. And this person grows with you and changes with you and and is truly somebody who shows you exactly who you are and see helps you see the best in yourself when you can't see the best in yourself by yourself. And so

When A Soulmate Is A Catalyst

SPEAKER_00 12:30

you might have those best friends. And along the way, maybe between the two, maybe between the two, you had a little side piece, you know, you had a little fling. And this might be a soulmate too. But this soulmate came in as the exact opposite of expression of the person that is supposed to help you grow and change. And so in your very human experience, they were a horrible person. Maybe they were a narcissist, maybe they were like uh very selfish, maybe they were somebody who abused you, maybe they were somebody who took you for granted. Maybe they were somebody that was very flaky and only came in and out when they needed you and your energy fix. And then they then they ghosted you. And yet you can still feel the deeper fucking connection with them. And yet you can have this experience with them as your human identifies that they are not good for you, but your soul fucking loves them. And it's really different, difficult to reconcile those two feelings at the same time. And this is what a lot of those conversations with my clients end up looking like. Because inherently something has drawn you to this person, whether it is the energy of the soul that you subconsciously recognize, your soul recognizes their soul, and it's just like this immediate attraction. Maybe there's, you know, an amazing fucking sex life that goes with that, right? Maybe there's a physical connection between the two of you. Maybe there's an emotional connection between the two of you, even though you never actually have a physical interaction, right? Maybe it's a of what do they call those? Emotional affairs, right? But at some level, you recognize there's a deep connection between the two of you, even though your human is having a very different experience and logically knows this is not, this is not good for me. This is not what I'm supposed to be doing. This is not the soul path I'm meant to be on. And so, in instances like this where there's two big opposing feelings at the same time and energies and emotions at the same time, that usually is some sort of a soul contract between the two of you because that person was supposed to come in at that right time, at that right moment, to help you learn a fucking lesson. And it doesn't mean hang on, and that lesson might look like you need to learn to create some fucking boundaries. You need to learn the value of yourself, you need to learn that you are worthy of a deep, committed relationship. You are worthy of somebody that sees you for who you are and values you for who you are. That might be a lesson of recognizing what red flags look like so that you avoid red flags in the future. That might be a lesson of who you're not meant to be with. And that soul contract came so fucking close to you so that you would not miss the lesson. And like, isn't that the ultimate irony of the universe in these soul contracts is that they will choose somebody that you can't ignore. They will choose somebody that fucking hooks into your energy, into your soul to create that connection, to make sure as hell

Boundaries Worthiness And Ending Karmic Loops

SPEAKER_00 16:05

you learn that lesson. And it's up to your energy to decide, to decide like, when did I learn my lesson? Am I gonna learn this lesson? Do I realize that even though I love this person, they are not helping me become the version of me that I'm meant to become. They are not helping me live a life that I love. They are not helping me grow and change into the sovereign being that I'm meant to. Right? Because if there's a soul connection and they're making you feel like shit, probably not a good relationship. Probably not something you should stay in. Because nothing from spirit or your soul lessons should make you feel like shit. Can there be hard times? Yeah, sure. Right? Is every experience going to be pleasant? No, absolutely not. But ultimately, at the end of the day, like you, you need to become the version of you that lets light and love in. Because that is truly what I think ascension is and looks like here in this physical experience, again, at this time, asterisk. Because I think that the ultimate goal of ascension is to bring your soul here to cohabitate and co-create with your human. And your soul comes from an energy of unconditional love. Your soul comes from the energy of sovereignty and empowerment. Your soul comes from the energy of doing the best for you and doing the best for others at the same time. And so if you're in a relationship with somebody who does not do the best for you, who makes you feel less than or unworthy, that is not energy that you're meant to sit in. And so we can love these soulmates deeply because at some level you do, you feel it, and that's why it's so confusing. But at the same time, you can learn to let it go and realize they were part of the plan. They were not the destination. They were meant to make you change roads, change direction, change the way that you saw the world or perceived the world, good or bad, so that you could overcome the lesson and move on with your journey. And this is why souls get stuck in these fucking reincarnation cycles, because they don't recognize the lesson. They don't learn the lesson. Spirit showed me loud and clear several lifetimes where I have not learned the lesson over and over again. And now I'm able to really like take a look at it and figure out oh, okay, that's the lesson that I'm supposed to learn. Got it. Thank you, Spirit. Took me a while, right? But that's what soulmates will do. That's why they're there, is to show up to have your energy like slap you, their energy slap you across the face so you learn the fucking lesson. And just to be very clear, especially if we're talking about this, like this middle, um, and this middle soulmate that's meant to come and be the catalyst for change for you, that helps you realize what you're not supposed to be with. When you decide to leave him or her, it's not that your soul connection goes away. It's that once you move into the spirit world, you fucking reunite, give a high five, and you're like, you did your job. Thank you so much for doing your job. I needed you to do that. I don't know what I would have done without you. And you go back into that unconditional love that you've always had at a soul level. That's what soulmates do. And so if you're married a couple times, it's not like that fucking movie that keeps popping up on my Instagram where you have to choose which one, which one? What a monogamous fucking bullshit. Um, which one am I gonna spend eternity with? Which one of the married men, my husbands, am I gonna spend? No, that's not what this is like. There's so much love in the spirit world. It is love for everybody. It's like, you know, like Oprah with the damn car giveaway. Like love for you, love for you, love for you. Everyone gets unconditional fucking love. There is so much love that it does not need to be protected or

Unconditional Love Beyond The Breakup

SPEAKER_00 20:30

safeguarded and only given to certain people because you only have so much. Nope, not at all. You can love every single one of your hundred soulmates equally, deeply, fully, and still have space for more soulmates. And so this is what I'm gonna challenge you to do with this podcast episode. I hope that this gives you new perspective. Um, I hope that this helps you understand the way that I really, really look at um relationships here in the physical, physical world differently. Because I think there's some people that are meant to come here and change course, right? And I think there's we are supposed to be with certain people in the lifetime, and I think we're supposed to learn our lessons with certain soulmates in this lifetime. And don't you see how our human perception of the idea of soulmate kind of flubs everything up and makes us feel and judge ourselves based on a very human criteria of how we are expected to live from society's standards. But once you raise the vibration and you look at it differently at a soul level, you start to realize all of this very messy path with soulmates, it is perfectly designed to help you grow and shift in the ways that you're meant to. So that you don't have to keep living in that same karmic loop across lifetimes. And so I want you to really think about this and recognize, recognize. Your soulmates. Which might be your sister. Maybe it's your mom. Right? Maybe it's the your neighbor that you loved when you were little. Maybe it's the person that keeps showing up in your life at the right moments, exactly when you need them. Because they're gonna help you get back on the path you're meant to be. And so I really want you to like take this bigger, expanded view of soulmates and the souls that truly help you be on your best path, either through love and support or hardship and redirection. They are soulmates too. Fucking cool, right? Fucking cool. Yeah. You bet your mom, you bet your ass my mom is probably a soulmate. Cause she has lit up the fire in me of what not to do. And that's what Spirit keeps telling me. They're like, you two are actually best friends in the spirit world. And I'm like, fuck. Fuck. And I think that's one of the most surprising things that comes through in mediumship readings is that there will be departed loved ones that come through that either they didn't know or they had a really shitty relationship with. And they're like, I don't want to talk to these people. And I was like, I know that you don't know them from this lifetime, but they fucking love you. They

Family Soulmates And Mediumship Perspective

SPEAKER_00 23:30

love you so deeply that they realize your human would not understand this interaction. And they've come through to ex so that I can explain it to you that even though you didn't know them, they watch over you every moment of every day because they love you that much. Even though they did these horrible things to you, even though they were a horrible ex spouse to you, they would not leave your side for a minute because they love you unconditionally as a soul. And I have to separate out their role as a human and their role as a soul that helps you in your journey. And that is the whole premise behind my soul mediumship readings, is because I kept getting the two-sided story. And I needed people to realize there's a bigger picture with the souls that you meet and have relationships here in this physical world. I need you to understand there are bigger plans at play. And I 110%, a thousand percent need you to know that every single one of them helped you grow and learn. And that you can let the grief go because it was all as planned. And our human doesn't like it, but our soul's like, fuck yes, Patrice. Fuck yes. There's a little How I Met Your Mother reference there. Nobody asked you, Patrice. Sorry, there's just there's a whole era before I had kids where I watched so many TV shows, that era is done now. It's pretty much just Ted Lasso. So all right. I hope this episode was helpful. Really think through people who might be your soulmates and see if you have that energetic connection with them and see how recognizing that soulmate makes you feel and maybe ask their soul for a sign that they are indeed a soulmate for you. And I think you will be surprised with how love and supported you are in this lifetime by souls you didn't even know had your fucking back all along. Take care.