Late Diagnosis: Matty Staudt Navigates Bipolar at 50

What happens when you receive a life-changing mental health diagnosis at 50 years old? For Matty Staudt--broadcast veteran, podcast pioneer, and current co-host of Alice Radio’s Sarah & Vinnie Show--it explained a lifetime of highs and lows.
 
 Matty was an anxious kid, but he assumed everyone experienced anxiety to the same extent. As an adult, he was treated for ADHD and also for depression by primary care doctors. To manage, Matty self-medicated with alcohol until a major crash and relapse at age 50 forced him to see a psychiatrist who finally stepped in and said, this is clearly bipolar 2 disorder.

Matty had been able to live the entrepreneurial lifestyle--which is very common among those with bipolar 2 (where your manic highs never flip into psychosis). He was ultra productive, getting weeks’ worth of work done in a day. Before he considered his rapid cycling between depressed and manic states as just how he operated and a personality flaw as his outbursts made him difficult to deal with at times, in both work and his personal life. 

This moment began a transformation and with therapy and medication and support from the bipolar community, Matty has found some calm—even contentment. But he works hard to keep his life balanced, especially when mania still feels alluring. And it’s tough. Stigma is real. For those 50 and up, mental illness was not talked about in our culture and sometimes they are the group needing the most help to push past stigma and shame.

It's never too late to see a mental health professional. It’s never too late to support and encourage a friend or loved one to see a psychiatrist. If you’re seeking a community, please visit BipolarSocialClub.org.

Transcript

Janine: Welcome to Bipolar She. I'm your host, Janine Noel. Before we get started, the content of this show does include suicide and suicidal ideation. If you are ever in need of immediate support, please dial 988 a Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. I believe in the healing power of writing and speaking our mental health stories in all their raw details.So let's go.

Today's guest is Matty Staudt, a broadcast heavyweight, podcast pioneer and founder of Jam Street Media. If you're in the San Francisco Bay Area, you've heard him most recently as co-host on Alice Radio's, Sarah and Vinnie show. During years of success, Matty was struggling with addiction, ADHD, and unpredictable moods.

When he turned 50, he finally received a bipolar 2 diagnosis. Bipolar 2 is when you primarily experience hypomania or high energy moods that do not shift into full-blown mania or psychosis. Matty tells a story of how getting the right diagnosis from a mental health professional at any time in your life can change everything.

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Hi Matty. Thank you so much for coming on the show.

Matty: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I've not talked about this on a podcast before, so I've talked about a lot of other stuff on podcasts, but, uh, not this. 

Janine: Right, this is the first interview that I'm going into completely blind, but I ask all guests to just go back and tell me about a mental health crisis.

Matty: Oh, uh, just one. What do you want me to choose from? I think the first time that I knew, just to give a little background on me, I'm in recovery and I spent a lot of my years, uh, self-medicating. You know, drinking, doing whatever I could get my hands on.

Uh, and I was seeing doctors and the first one I'd ever like, let me know that anxiety is not something that I just thought everybody felt anxious. And I remember the doctor looking at me going, Matty, three-year-olds don't feel anxiety. And I, 'cause he'd asked me when I first felt anxious and I'm like, I've, I felt anxious ever since I was a little kid.

I just, I don't remember ever not being anxious. It's, it's part of who I am. And, you know, was treated for anxiety and then treated for depression over the years, too. But never, never, nobody had ever really brought up bipolar to me before. I was also diagnosed with ADHD, uh, at a young age, but never, didn't do anything about it.

Didn't take medications, didn't see a psychiatrist or anything like that. And, uh. Little over a year ago, I had a, I had a relapse, and it was so out of the blue and, and leading up to it, I just, you know, my behavior had become really erratic, self-destructive. I wasn't a, the person that I, I knew I was, I. And that was the first time that I, I saw a mental health professional and, and it was, I mean, it was ruining my marriage.

I mean, it was pretty much put the nail in the coffin on, on a lot of things, and, and I was just, at my wits end, I just, I just couldn't explain it anymore. You know? I was just like, why, why do I keep having these, these outbursts and throughout life had always been real, up and down and real um, unable to keep any kind of level mental health ever, and I just accepted it.

I just thought, that is just the way I am. I am built this way. I am just, I'm flawed and this is, this is the flaw that I have. And I, I went and saw a, a mental health professional instead of going to my family doctor, and they were, diagnosed me with bipolar right away. I think the, the doctor looked at me and goes, you reek of bipolar, you know that?

I'm like, I didn't know. I didn't know what bipolar was really, you know, I knew that people have like misconceptions a lot about what bipolar is and, uh, the doctor, uh, immediately started treating me for bipolar and my ADHD and, and I, I didn't realize how much of my little weird personality traits were because of that as well.

But that was my big one. That was, you know, last, you know, it was over a year ago, but it was, I'm sad it all happened, but I'm glad that I finally had somebody, you know, help me understand and, and start getting treated properly.

Janine: Did it mostly come up at work?

Matty: Well, I'm very work focused. I've always been work focused. Um, I don't have kids. I started in radio when I was 16 and, and have worked since then, you know, constantly working. So, uh, it would definitely come up with work, but when it started really affecting my personal life and I would attribute it to work stress sometimes, but, but like my wife would say. But you're always stressed out about work.

Like it's, it, it's 24/7.

Janine: So are you bipolar 1 or 2?

Matty: Uh, I am bipolar 2. I have rapid bipolar.

Janine: Oh, okay.

Matty: So, um, and I didn't, and again, I just accepted it. I was somebody who, and I know I was cycling and cycling a lot, and I just thought that was just who I was and that, just part of my character, you know, and, and it was something people had to deal with.

Uh, and that's kind of how I looked at it, was like, that's just who I am. You gotta deal with it instead of like, wondering more about it. Like, okay, maybe this isn't how other people go through their life. You know? I'd never heard the term neurodivergent before. I mean, I had, but I, you know, again, I had misconceptions about what that was.

I'm like, well, I'm not autistic, so how can I be neurodivergent? Once I got the diagnosis and started getting treatment, then it became very clear like, oh, there is, there is another way to. To think and, and go through life.

Janine: So were you mostly in like a hypomanic state or depressive state?

Matty: I would cycle through the two. Um, I would definitely go through, you know, manic stages, which, uh, to be honest with you, sometimes I miss because, you know, you, you get, you get a lot of work done. You get a lot of stuff done. They would always follow by a crash. And it's funny, people in my life, my family, you know, my stepmother had actually said to me when I got diagnosed, she's like, I thought you had already been diagnosed.

I've seen you go through manic 'cause she'd been around it before. She's like, I saw you go through several manic phases during Christmas holiday. And I, again, I didn't know I was just, I, you know, it was kind of shocking to me that other people had seen it and knew it, but I didn't know it.

Janine: Did you have decreased sleep? Tons of energy.

Matty: I have always had really bad sleep. You know, I, I, I don't sleep well and it, it's tough 'cause I do a morning radio show now and your sleep schedule's weird. I go to bed at like 7 pm and wake up at 3:30 am. And I can do that now. I, you know, I, I can now get sleep, but yeah, I would have phases of, of not having, uh, a lot of sleep and still be having energy.

But then, you know, then having those crashes where I didn't want to get out of bed at all and just face the world at all. Just wanted to, you know, hide.

Janine: Yeah. I'm curious how old you were when you finally got this diagnosis.

Matty: 50 years old. Just about 51. So very late in life. I have a support group that's, uh, a bunch of other folks with bipolar called the Bipolar Social Club, and have learned from that that there is a lot of folks who get diagnosed later in life.

It's like, it's like alcoholism. You know? It, it gets worse the older you get and ESP if it's not treated, you know? I think that's, that's what happened with me. 

Janine: I'm part of that group as well.

Matty: Oh yeah.

Janine: Yeah, they're great. I, I hadn't been a part of a group really ever. I just did individual therapy all the time. Um, but it's a really. Impressive group.

Matty: It's, it's good to read and see other people going through the exact same stuff and having, you know, it's like alcoholism. It's good to have a community. You need a community. You need to have other people who can like, understand your disease and not judge you for it, and not, not think that you're just weak or, you know, you're, you're leaning on something and it's.

Because people were, you know, even when I tell people now that I'm, I'm bipolar ADHD, they're like, oh, I'm a little ADHD too. I'm like, no, no. It you, you, you. It's not, it's, you're not a little bit, you, you know, if you have it, you have it and you have it hard, but I've been. So happy with treatment and the past year has been a real eyeopener for me.

Janine: Is it, if you've been in AA for many years and now you're seeking out support groups for bipolar, does it feel harder to talk about bipolar?

Matty: Well, this is the, you know, I've done many, many podcasts over the years, and I've talked about my struggles with addiction and alcohol freely. I have no problem talking about it because it, you know, I know it's a disease. I know it's hereditary. I've, I've got a family full of folks who are, who can prove that, but with a bipolar. Yeah. I didn't really know. I don't know anything about it. You know, I, you know, I can go watch some, some Instagram and YouTube clips and, and hear, but, but to have people actually, um. Say, Hey, I've, I'm taking this medicine and, you know, how has it worked for you?

And, um, and you know, having seen other people, seeing a lot of other people self-medicated over the years as well and, and, and things like that. And it's been good. But it definitely was harder to, harder to kind of say, okay, I, I need to find other people who, who are going through this. And I was lucky. I was, I'm an, I do some entrepreneurial stuff and I was working with another founder and it just came up in conversation. He was wearing his Bipolar Social Club t-shirt and I saw his shirt. And I said, I said, that's, is that real? I'm, I'm bipolar. And he is like, I'm bipolar too. And he, he's like, there's a lot of entrepreneurs who are bipolar and uh, and, and that's how I got introduced to the group.

Janine: Yeah, there really are, and I think it's a lot of male entrepreneurs actually are able to kind of ride the hypomanic wave probably more than women. I'm interested also, about like disclosing that you have bipolar and talking about it. I believe you talk about it also on the radio. Has that been hard to do?

Matty: Uh, no, I, I, you know, part of my brand is that I'm, I'm a, I'm a real open, open person. I teach it, uh, to universities and I'm open with my students about things too. Like, 'cause, you know, I tell the creatives all the time, I'm like, listen, there's some good things about being creative, but here's some of the bad things.

You, you, you'll, you'll have more of a predilection for addiction. You will not you, you'll have a harder time turning your brain off than other people, and they automatically go. You're like, you know, they might not get the addiction part yet, but they get the, like, I can't turn my brain off. And I'm, I'm like, that's a superpower we have, but it, over time it can really be a detriment, you know, because you need to turn your brain off once in a while.

Um, and, uh, so I'm, I'm very open about these things and I feel like, you know, since sharing it, if somebody else hears it and says. Has any guilt or, uh, bad feelings about being bipolar that. Well, there's somebody that's got it and they're, they're doing, you know, they're somehow seem to have their life fair, somewhat put together.

And, and so I think, I think it's important, you know, I really do. And because also just how different my life is with treatment. That, and I want other people to feel that too. I want people to know that there is, there is another way, and I, you know, I, I'll never forget after a couple months of treatment. I posted this in the group. I'm like, I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall because I can't believe I'm not going through these phases and, and all of that. Um, but it, it, the shoe hasn't fallen, you know? It's definitely, it hasn't been easy. I mean, I'm still have, you know, struggles with, anxiety and, and depression from time to time, but, but not every day. Not every single day.

Janine: So did you have to modify the way that you work? I went back to radio. I'd been an entrepreneur for the last 17 years, and uh, I decided I needed to do something that I know brings me a lot of joy when I'm working, and also keeps me busy and keeps me on a schedule. I'm very, I. I, you know, I know this about myself.

I need to be regimented. I need to have a schedule, places I need to be, things I need to do. The slow time or time when I'm by myself is, is never, it's never good for me. So I definitely have modified that quite a bit. I've tried to not take on as much as I used to. It's hard to do that. And you know, I'm struggling right now about taking on some other projects and I also feel like I need to rip the bandaid off a little bit and go for it and just, you know, and be okay if like it doesn't work, you know, and being okay saying I can't handle this.

And that's something I've never been good at. I've never been good at saying, I I can't handle this. I'm, I'm, I've got too much on my plate. I take on too much. 

Janine: Have there been any other, like workarounds that you've discovered that, that help you and may help others?

Matty: As far as workarounds, I, I don't look at, I don't schedule as much stuff.

I, I try to not look at my phone as much as I used to. I. I don't go down any, you know, I, I, I try to live a life of as free as stress as I can. And I mean that by like, not actively seeking out stress, not going online and going, what can I find that's gonna make me angry and, you know, get me disturbed. Um, just the opposite, you know, if I'm gonna go online, I'm gonna look at dog videos, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, watch goofy stuff, music, things like that.

And I think music's another big thing that I realized that, uh, listening to music really is helpful for me. It really does, you know, make me feel good, you know, so sometimes I'll just get in my car just to jam music and listen and, you know, go for a little drive just to have that, that stimulus.

Janine: So you bring more joy to your life by watching dog videos and keeping things lighter, the music. Anything else you discovered?

Matty: You know, one thing I do, I like to watch documentaries, and I find that to be very soothing, but a lot of times I like to watch documentaries in different languages because it keeps me focused. Like, I'm actually reading something, you know, and I read a lot. Reading's always been my refuge reading has always been like, okay, I, my brain's going crazy.

I need to jump into a book and like calm it down. So, you know, reading in general, like I just, I really, I can't stress how important I think that is for, for me. And I think, you know, people find the same release from listening to podcasts and whatever that is for you, be okay with it. You know, if binging a Netflix documentary or binging something on Netflix is calming and makes you feel okay. Don't feel bad about it. It's all right to sit on the couch and watch that because, you know, I don't, I don't like to make broad statements for everybody, but at least for me, for this person, anything that brings my mind peace, and that's a word that I, I, I never thought I would say about my mind. I embrace. You know, I take that and like, I really appreciate the word contentment because it's something, another thing that like I just never have felt in my life, never was content with whatever I did, whatever, you know, however, whatever anybody else said about me, I. I wasn't content. I was always, yeah, but you don't know, or you know, I, you know, whatever.

Um, now I like seek that out and I, and that's a really important word for me. And I, you know, I try to remind myself that those moments of contentment are, are gold.

Janine: So I'm just curious what advice you would have for someone particularly a little bit later in life if they were going through this?

Matty: I would say see your psychiatrist.

And that's something that I just over the years was suggested with the ADHD and, and this anxiety. Um, and I just never did. I just went to my family doctor and they're, you know, they do their best. But this is a diagnosis that needs to be done by a mental health professional and needs to be treated by someone who, that's what they do. They treat mental health. You know, that would be my big one. And knowing it's okay to, to ask for that help. And I think even at some point people have resistance to taking meds and they work the meds work. And that's, you know, that's, that's the one thing I know, I know I, I'm better when I'm taking things than when I'm not taking the meds.

And I think that for some older folks it's, it's definitely there's a little, you know, some stigma. Like I don't, I don't. You know, that's, that's nice. I don't need to take that. I, I'm fine. You're, you know, can I get, when am I gonna get off of this? You know, and that's another thing that I'm not, I don't think about, like, I, I, I don't want to be off of the things that are making me feel normal or whatever normal is, but more normal than what I felt before.

I really regret not going to see a psychiatrist much earlier in life and sticking with it. I think I, I, you know, maybe in my thirties I'd started to see one for a few weeks and then, or a few months for, to start to treat the ADHD and, and just fell off of it and it's so important. I, yeah. I can't stress that enough.

Seeing a psychiatrist is, is really vital if you have mental health problems.

Janine: Yeah, I think it's really rough too, because often you just have to pay out of pocket to get decent care. And so that's also an obstacle for people.

Matty: That was my obstacle. I was just like, I just, I can't keep paying for this all, you know, I didn't have the, you know, resources and, and I think that's one of the, I mean, I, you know, that's one of the biggest flaws in our healthcare system is, is the lack of funding for mental health care and.

The ability to get free psychological, um, care and it's, it's expensive and it can be, you know, I've, I've found one that works for me now, but, but yeah, I think that's a huge part of it.

Janine: Yeah. There's so much work to be done. How can we like, get out in the world and make a difference and find cures and get better medications?

Matty: Well, and I think that, I think it's, it's by stuff like this, like talking about it, putting it out there. I know it's not for everybody. Not everybody wants to go out and say, Hey, I have bipolar. 'cause there is stigma attached to it. And people don't understand the difference between bipolar 1 and 2 and they don't, you know, they, they make assumptions about it.

I wanna share this because I, it, it's, I feel like I missed out on a lot by not being diagnosed earlier and by not, you know, seeking out. You know, care. And, and then once I did, it was really important to find community. And I think that's the, the other part of it is, is understanding, you know, like I follow a lot of stuff on Instagram that is related to bipolar and ADHD and I find it very comforting 'cause I'm like, oh, I do that all the time.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. You know, this is, this is me. This is me in a nutshell. Like, I'm not alone. This is. Just my weird, you know, my weird idiosyncrasies. This is part of the disease, this. It’s vital.

Janine: At our age, we can kind of look back and go, God, I lost some years with this illness. You know, those are rough times.

Matty: I've had a lot of regret this year.

Janine: Yeah.

Matty: And just with, yeah, I mean, looking back at relationships and, and decisions made that, you know, I realize now I was making decisions in manic states that were not the right time to make decisions and I still have to catch myself, you know, is, is, you know, even though I feel like I'm, I've, I've gotten things much more under control, I will stop and pause and go, maybe don't make this decision right now.

You know, maybe you need to like, get through whatever cycle I'm going through and, and, and then look at it on the other side. I think that's really important to remind myself like I have days now where I'm depressed or I'm anxious and I, I just remind myself, remember what it used to be like, you know, waking up and feeling like you lost your keys.

That's what I, I used to tell people. I used to wake up every day like I lost my keys. Like, you know, that, that sinking feeling in your stomach of, of, of losing something. And I don't wake up like that anymore. And I have to remind myself on days when I do wake up with anxiety and depression, I tell myself 

It's okay. It's, it's part of who I am, but it's not what it, it's not like it used to be. 

Janine: Sounds like these past few years were really productive in getting it handled.

Matty: Yeah. It's still, still still a work in progress, but, uh, uh, definitely, definitely been a lot better.

Janine: Well, it's really nice speaking with you.

Matty: Nice to meet you, Janine

Janine: Bipolar She is a work of advocacy. Getting important stories on mental health out into our communities. We are an independent podcast and I need your help. If you have time or resources, please reach out to me at bipolarshe.com and if you can share rate and review wherever you get your podcasts, our stories have an even better chance of reaching someone in need.

And as always, thanks for listening.