Episode 57: Quieting The Inner Critic

The sharpest cross-examination often happens in our own heads. We tackle the inner critic that thrives in high-pressure legal environments and unpack why training that rewards skepticism, speed, and flaw-spotting can turn into relentless self-judgment—especially after a win. When an award or successful outcome still feels suspect, it’s not weakness; it’s wiring shaped by a system that prizes certainty over curiosity.

We share a practical, humane way to recalibrate that voice without dimming ambition. First, we map the conditions that amplify harsh self-talk: perfection as a proxy for professionalism, the adversarial habit turned inward, and clients’ appetite for crisp answers that leaves little room for learning in public. Then we move to tools you can use today—micro-pauses, evidence checks, and reframes that turn global verdicts into specific next steps. You’ll hear real scripts to deploy under stress, like “It’s okay to not have all the answers right now,” and respectful boundaries with the critic: “Thank you for keeping me prepared; I’ll take it from here.”

Along the way, we explore why rituals matter. Short meditations, five-minute journaling, and targeted affirmations are not fluff; they’re mental load management for high-stakes work. We also talk about building a small circle that reflects your strengths accurately, and practicing “95 percent shipping” to prove that effective beats perfect. The aim isn’t silence—it’s calibration, so your inner voice becomes a risk radar rather than a character judge.

If you’re tired of winning big and feeling small, this conversation offers a blueprint to notice, challenge, and change the script. Subscribe for more grounded strategies at the intersection of mental health, big law, and sustainable excellence, and share this with a colleague who could use a kinder voice today.

Find out more at https://www.linkedin.com/in/emilystedman/.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Purpose
• 0:45 Defining Self-Talk And The Inner Critic
• 1:50 Why Lawyers Hear A Louder Critic
• 2:46 A Win That Still Felt Fraught
• 3:13 Tools To Notice And Reframe
• 4:28 Scripts For Kinder Self-Talk
• 5:02 Encouragement And Closing Notes

Transcript

Welcome And Purpose

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Grace Period, where we get real about attorney mental health and well-being and pull back the veil on the high-stakes world of big law. I'm your host, Emily Logan Steadman, a commercial litigator, partner, and someone who believes there's always room for a little more grace, even in a high-stakes profession. On the Grace Period, I share real stories from my own journey in big law and invite you behind the scenes, beyond the billable hour, to talk about what it means to stay human in a demanding field. Whether you're a lawyer, a legal professional, or someone trying to find your footing, this space is for you. Let's pull back the curtain, start a conversation, and find our grace period together. Disclaimer, the views and opinions shared on this podcast are mine alone and do not reflect those of my firm or any organization. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It is not legal advice, and listening does not create an attorney-client relationship. Welcome to episode 57 of the Grace Period. Today I want to talk about something that some of you might think is a little bit woo-woo, and that's self-talk, how we talk to ourselves and how to quiet your inner critic. I say how to quiet your inner critic loosely because this is something I deeply struggle with day in and day out. If you're a high achiever or an attorney or any other kind of human, you might have an inner voice that's sharp, demanding, often harsh, mean, or even rude. You're rude to yourself. Your self-talk and inner critic are difficult people. This might appear when you're stressed or when life is chaotic, or if you're like for me, it's sort of always there sitting on your shoulder. I call her the crazy lady in the attic. Because attorneys are trained to spot flaws and anticipate problems, sometimes that voice, that critic, turns inwards. And it can become a source of self-sabotage and self-doubt. Over the season, I've mentioned self-talk in several episodes and checking it. And I want to go a little deeper about that today. Why is our inner critics sometimes are always so loud? Well, the law prizes perfection. We're constantly evaluated whether we get feedback on that or not. And we're trained to think adversarially. Whether you're in litigation or transaction, there's someone on the other side that you're often fighting with or pushing to have your way over theirs. Law school also teaches us to be skeptical. We're rewarded for spotting the risk. Clients also expect answers, not uncertainty. And all of this can add up to a sense that we're not enough, not smart enough, not fast enough, not responsive enough, not prepared enough. I've been there. Even when I'm successful, my mind goes back to every tiny thing I could have done better. Sometimes it goes back to things I did years and years and years ago, and I can still remember vividly because I felt awkward or I made a mistake and my brain latches on to that. Recently, I won an award. I'd had my eyes set on for several years. Within minutes of getting the email, letting me know that I was an honoree this year. I found myself questioning, is this real? Are they gonna take it back? Do I really even meet the criteria? My inner critic told me I just got lucky or that I didn't really deserve the result. One, it took me a minute to even notice that I was telling myself that. And then it took some effort to challenge that. Meditation and the Headspace app has really helped me with this. But overall, here's what I've learned about quieting that voice. One, notice it. Pay attention to the words you're using with yourself. Are they harsher to what than what you'd say with a friend or colleague? I would almost never speak to a friend, peer, colleague, or family member the way I let my inner critic speak to myself. Two, challenge and reframe it. Ask yourself, is this actually true? Tell the thought, stop. Sometimes I tell my crazy lady in the attic, thank you. You have pushed me to achieve what I've achieved so far, but I have it from here. It's trite, but especially because I'm a litigator, I'll ask myself, what does the evidence show? Not that I'm failing, that's for sure. Then try to replace the goal. We talked about perfectionism a couple episodes ago. If you feel I have to be perfect, I have to be always on, try to replace that thought with I'm allowed to grow, I'm allowed to be human, I'm allowed to make progress and try to build new habits. Journaling and affirmations and meditation have helped me with this, as have finding, as has finding a supportive group of people who support me in my highs and in my lows. Here's some self-talk scripts I use. Emily, it's okay to not have the answers right now or not have all the answers right now. Emily, mistakes are part of learning. Mistakes show you're trying. They're not a reflection of your worth. Emily, you might be uncomfortable, but you still belong here. Many, many, many of us struggle with this, and we let our inner critic run wild and be very mean to us. But you can notice it, you can challenge it, and you can choose a kinder, more realistic voice and expectation for yourself. It's not easy. It doesn't happen overnight. The inner critic will still be loud and break through, but you can challenge it, notice it, and make a change in the future. So if you're being incredibly hard on yourself, know that you're not alone and know that there is freedom from that inner critic, even if you sound or feel just as crazy telling it to be quiet every now and again. Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Grace Period. Remember, you don't have to choose between your well-being and your ambition. By setting boundaries, building supportive habits, and giving yourself permission to pause, you can thrive in law and in life. Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. That is the path to our grace period. Disclaimer the views expressed here are solely my own and do not represent the official policy or position of my firm or any organization. This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only, not professional or legal advice. And listening does not create an attorney client relationship.