Followed By Mercy

Overcoming the Fears of Mentoring: The World Evangelism Podcast with Austin Gardner

• W. Austin Gardner • Season 1 • Episode 13

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"Starting a mentoring journey takes courage and vulnerability. #Mentoring #LeadershipDevelopment #GrowTogether"

"Don't let fear hold you back from making a difference in someone's life. #Mentorship #Impact #FearlessLeadership"

"Mentoring is about investing in others and watching them grow. #InvestInOthers #PersonalDevelopment #MentorshipMatters"

"Overcoming fears and taking risks is part of the mentoring process. #MentoringJourney #RiskTaking #PersonalGrowth"

"Teaching others, even in our failures, is part of effective mentorship. #TeachAndLearn #LeadershipDevelopment #Mentorship"

"Embracing the uncertainties of mentorship is where growth truly begins. #EmbraceUncertainty #GrowthMindset #MentorshipJourney"

"Mentoring involves taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. #TakeRisks #ComfortZone #MentorshipMatters"

"Mentoring is about guiding, supporting, and empowering others to reach their potential. #EmpowerOthers #PotentialUnleashed #Mentorship"

"Mentoring is a calling to make a lasting impact on someone's life. #MakingAnImpact #LifeChanging #MentorshipJourney"

"It's okay for mentees to outgrow your knowledge - it's a sign of successful mentorship. #OutgrowYourMentor #SuccessInMentorship"


Key Take Aways


1. Mentoring is about investing in the lives of others.

2. It is normal to feel fear and insecurity when starting out as a mentor.

3. It is important to challenge yourself to grow and learn more as a mentor.

4. Mentoring is about being a leader of leaders.

5. It is natural to fear not meeting the expectations of the person being mentored.

6. It is important to have open discussions with the mentee in order to understand their expectations.

7. Mentoring involves taking risks and being vulnerable.

8. It is unrealistic to expect to meet all the expectations of the mentee.

9. It is natural for the mentee to outgrow your knowledge and material, and that's a good thing.

10. Being a mentor involves teaching even in your failures and shortcomings.

11. Some mentees may not respect or value your knowledge, and that's okay.

12. It is important to continually grow and not become stagnant as a mentor.

13. Some mentees may not take your advice seriously, and it's part of the mentoring process.

14. Mentoring involves stepping into the personal lives of the mentees and providing guidance.

15. It is possible to lose the trust or respect of the mentee, and it's a risk to take.

16. Mistakes can and will be made in the process of mentoring, and that's okay.

17. It is possible for mentees not to achieve their goals, and it's part of the process.

18. Mentoring involves working to prevent the mentee from becoming too dependent on you.

19. Conflicts may arise in the mentor-mentee relationship, and that's normal.

20. It is essential to approach mentoring with a servant mindset.

21. It is possible for mentees to take advantage of your time and resources.

22. Mentoring involves dealing with the emotional needs of the mentees.

23. The contributions of a mentor may not always be recognized or appreciated.

24. Mentoring involves taking a chance on people, even if there are fears and risks involved.

25.

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W. Austin Gardner:

Welcome back to the World Evangelism Podcast with your host, austin Gardner. I am so excited to have the opportunity to talk to you. This one I'm calling a special edition because this one is about mentoring and not just, you know, the regular country of the week and Bible verse of the week and biography, though we will definitely continue doing that because I want to put all the tools into your hands that I possibly can for the honor and the glory and the kingdom of our God. So I'm excited about doing that. But currently, you know, this will be the I think the third in the series where I'm talking to you about mentoring, and so today I'm coming to not steps and questions you know that's what it was last time steps to becoming a mentor, questions you might have, and I've already discussed what mentoring was, and so today I want to talk to you about the fears that you might have as you start stepping out into mentoring. Now, obviously, these are fears that you would never mention out loud, you probably wouldn't verbally express them, but they might at least cross your heart and your mind because, to be honest with you, it is risky becoming a mentor and how do you go about it and how do you get involved, and we're going to try to discuss all of that in different sessions. So I hope that if you're enjoying this, you'll share it, you'll give a like and you'll give us a report on what you think of it. I'd love to hear from you to see what you're thinking.

W. Austin Gardner:

But let me just give you some fears that I think are inherent, natural for us when we're beginning a ministry of mentoring, of training other men. You know we're not just leaders, we are leaders of leaders. So I think a number one fear just might be that maybe I'm not able to provide adequate guidance or support. It's not that you don't want to mentor, but you look at yourself and you feel like maybe you don't have what it takes to be a mentor. Well, I just want to tell you that I know that that's a normal fear. It is one I have faced in the past and I think it's a right fear and a good fear, because we ought to respect what we're doing.

W. Austin Gardner:

This isn't just something fly by the night, we'll get her done. This is a working in a manner of one's life to help them, whether in your business or in the ministry, as a missionary or pastor. And so you know, are you capable? I believe you are, but I believe you and I both can always be learning more. So there are good podcasts for you to listen to and books to be read and audible versions of the same book, and you might want to get involved in that, and so I just like to challenge you to grow. In other words, yes, I know it's stretching and that's why you're a little bit nervous, but let's stretch. You only got one life to live. You only got one life to live to accomplish anything for Jesus, and you don't want to waste this life that he's given you, and so step out and work on doing that.

W. Austin Gardner:

I think another fear is that maybe I won't meet the person's expectations, maybe the mentee will expect more of me than I'm able to provide, and again, I believe that is a very reasonable fear. And so you know you want to have a discussion when you're getting started, when you're getting started, and you need to be aware of the fact that being a mentor in many ways means you're going to be used, you're going to be taken advantage of, you're going to put yourself out there and they're going to take all you know, bleed you dry and move on. Now I don't say that to be negative, that's actually sort of positive, you know, because as you learn and grow, or as they learn and grow, they'll step out and go do ministry and so maybe you can't, as the matter said, you won't meet all the expectations. It's impossible for you to meet all the expectations. You can't be good enough, you can't be perfect enough. You know Jesus could live with those guys day and night and they could see him in the morning or at night, when he was hungry, when he was full. They could see him when his body might have been feeling a little tired or sick and he was fine, but he was not like me. You know you're going to get irritable and griping, you're going to say things you shouldn't say, and even that's a part of mentoring. They're even going to see you have disputes with your wife or your children, but in all of that you've got to be thinking. Even in my failures I can teach them what to think and do and how to handle that. So it's not necessarily a deterrent.

W. Austin Gardner:

Another fear is that the mentee, the person being trained, won't respect or value your knowledge. And again, these are logical, reasonable fears and many times they won't. These are logical, reasonable fears and many times they won't. Many times, you know, I had a student arrive in Peru who didn't speak Spanish and within a week he told me he spoke Spanish better than I did and I'd already started a dozen churches and preached all over the country. And you know, he was just a cocky little guy, but that's kind of a common occurrence and you're just going to have to get used to it. You know, do I really want to admit that I need you that much? And so sometimes they can act a little bit. What shall we call that? Standoffish or better than, and they won't value. Others will have a great respect for you.

W. Austin Gardner:

Then there's always a problem that the mentee will outgrow your knowledge and outgrow your material and what you know how to give them. And again, I think that's going to happen. But that's good. You know, my children needed me desperately when they were two and three. They still needed me a lot when they were six and eight, but they could dress themselves. Two and three, they still needed me a lot when they were six and eight, but they could dress themselves and feed themselves. They still needed me at 15 and 16, but they were soon driving a car and able to go places on their own. And then one day they walked out of the house, went down an aisle, got married to a person and started a whole new life and they didn't need me. Now they need me for advice and they'll talk to me a little bit.

W. Austin Gardner:

But the truth is, isn't that the goal of life? To get people prepared to step out on their own, to stand on their own and to live life and do that? So they're probably going to outgrow you. But can I remind you that you constantly want to be growing. Don't ever be satisfied with what you know. Don't be satisfied with where you are. You have not arrived until you die. And so, till the day we die, let's keep chasing Jesus and the high calling and learn all we can from the Bible and all we can from others, and all we can to do more and more for the cause of Jesus Christ.

W. Austin Gardner:

So they may outgrow you. There's no doubt about that, and some of them won't take your advice seriously. You know and you'll lay out. I mean it feels like you're laying out pearls before swine, because you'll lay out the best you know and they're not going to listen to you. But again, reasonable fear, but kind of to be expected. I don't mean this to deter you or stop you, but they are going to treat you kind of like a cafeteria. You know they're going to pick and choose what they want and some of them are going to like you and quit liking you and some of them are going to half like you and then start liking you. So you just really got to catch on to the fact that, yeah, they're not always going to take your advice seriously. Then you might fear well, I'm getting too nosy and getting into their life too much and of course I really believe that that's reasonable. You know it's easy to get too involved in their life but at the same time, if they've agreed with you that they want to be mentored and you see an area in their life that needs you, you're going to have to risk it. Being a mentor is a risky business and you know it's risky to say, hey, that's not the way to talk to your wife.

W. Austin Gardner:

I was in a country one time, traveling outside the United States of America, and I was with a young missionary and his wife and all the missionary wives were wanting to go to the store and they all had money and credit cards. But this missionary didn't give his wife credit cards or money and if she wanted to spend any money she had to ask him for the money. And she was quite embarrassed. But she said let me go ask my husband if I can go, and let me go ask my husband if I can have some money. And so I saw that and I waited a little while and I called him up and said man, that was just entirely out of place. You don't want that to be the way your wife feels about you. You don't want it to be. It's y'all together. It's not your money and she has to come begging you for it. So please get that. I was with another mister in a different time, in a different country, and his wife spent three dollars, without asking him, buying a basket, and he blew his stack. I was in a mentor position with him. So I bit my tongue, looked at the floor and waited for the storm to blow over.

W. Austin Gardner:

But when you're a mentor and you're working with somebody, you're not going to want to do that. You're going to really want to talk to them. And then how many times do I see a missionary? You know I try to teach our young men that I've trained, you need to be at home three nights a week by seven o'clock, and I know you might not necessarily agree with that, but if you don't, if a man doesn't get home and spend time with his wife and children, when I see a missionary that's not hanging around his wife, I get nervous. When I see a person who's not got a great relationship and I know this is, I'm not in the secular workplace but the most important relationship you have on the planet after Jesus ought to be your wife. So you're going to have to get in there and talk to them, and that's a little bit hard, and you're going to be wondering am I overstepping my bounds? Am I taking this too far?

W. Austin Gardner:

Then I think another one is we might lose the mentee's trust or respect, and I think that is a very possible thing to happen. It's very dangerous and we don't want it to happen, but yet we all know that it is possible, that it might happen, and so I just want to say to you you can't let what might happen stop you, and while one may not respect you and one may not love you and one may not believe in you, another will, and so I'd like to challenge you to consider that and bear that in mind. So you might lose respect, but you got to take the chance. You know, when I was in college it was a kind of a corny lesson, I guess, but it sure helped me.

W. Austin Gardner:

I was the first year I was in the dorms and it was a brand new thing to me to be in dorms and not with my family. And one of the guys in the dorm that was a couple of years older gave a devotional and he said you know, if you stick out your hand and feed the dog and the dog bites your hand, you can't quit feeding the dog. And then he said now I say that to say to you that many times they will bite the hand that feeds them. But you're not doing it for you, You're doing it for them. And he said and you can't quit just because you might get hurt, and you can't hide because somebody might attack you and that's obviously very possible for it to happen. So I just want to tell you don't hang back, go ahead and hang in there and you may lose some respect, but I think you'll gain some other respect.

W. Austin Gardner:

Now you may think, well, I might make some big mistakes, or my mentee might, and they have. I have watched marriages fall apart, you know, and I was doing everything I could to talk to them about it. I've watched the craziest things happen. I've counseled people that were people I had been training and worked with for years and loved, and one's on one end of the couch and the other's on the other end of the couch and they're in a different country and we're talking via Zoom and they can't talk to each other. They hate each other, or she packs her bags and leaves in the night. But you can't quit. You've got to be there and you've got to help people and you've got to love people and you've got to be there for them. They may make mistakes. I think Peter denying Jesus three times was a massive mistake, don't you? But Jesus didn't quit on him. Jesus actually came back and told him he loved him and brought him back in. Maybe the others wouldn't have, but Jesus did.

W. Austin Gardner:

Maybe you don't think they will achieve their goals. You know you're trying to help them and they won't, and that's a reasonable fear. And I'll be honest with you. It's going to happen quite a bit. There will be people that you'll be working with and they just will not grow. They will not accept it. They'll go just so far and they'll quit. But that's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to take them as far as you can, and then it's up to them to continue on if they will. And if they decide not to, that's fine. Well, it's not fine I shouldn't say it that way but there's nothing you can do about it. So just keep on helping them to achieve the goals that they have.

W. Austin Gardner:

Now you might think, well, they might become way too dependent on me and I think some might occasionally. But then that's part of your job, isn't it? You know, when your children are small and they want you to carry them, you know what you do. One day you just say I'm not carrying anymore, and you slowly let them start walking. You let them brush their own teeth, you let them tie their own shoes, you let them put on their own clothes, you let them do their own homework. And so slowly, you got to know that from day one, you're training the guy for him to leave, and so that means you're going to work at not letting him become dependent on you.

W. Austin Gardner:

Now, are there going to be conflicts? I really think you're just going to have to. I know you're afraid of them and you don't want that to happen, but you're going to say something that hurts their feelings or they're going to say something that hurts your feelings, but I don't know of very many relationships where there's not some hurt feelings. I know this generation tends to seem to take it way too far, but if you'd be honest and think, in your own marriage there's been hurt feelings, things said that shouldn't have been said, there have been things you said that you shouldn't have said and we've hurt each other. But if there's somebody gets hurt or if there's a disagreement, then you just got to get up and decide we're going to continue on and we're going to keep on loving each other.

W. Austin Gardner:

Now you might think well, I want to keep a professional relationship. You know, in Spanish we use the word usted. That's the formal, that's like saying yes, sir. And then informal is like saying too. But can I say to you that Jesus said don't call any man rabbi. Jesus said, if you recall, he said don't call anybody teacher. Jesus said be a servant. And so I know sometimes, you know you want to be called Dr Bottle Stopper and you want to be highly regarded and respected. You want to be called Dr Bottle Stopper and you want to be highly regarded and respected, but you've got to quit being father and become daddy. You know, you've just got to move into a position that says you are my beloved son and I love you. So I would just challenge you to consider that Now.

W. Austin Gardner:

Maybe they won't value your time. Isn't that a possibility? I think that's true, and I think sometimes they'll just come into your office and they'll talk about junk and they won't be really there to learn. They just want to hang out with you. Well, you know, really, mentoring is not about hanging out, it's not about spending time. It's about investing time, and so I want to say to you that you will learn how to work with people and help them overcome that, so that they don't just use your time. But you're going to know that they are going to, and there ought to be times that maybe you're in the boat traveling and you go to sleep and the storm comes and you wake up and help teach them. Our master did that, so don't worry about it. Sometimes they're going to take advantage of your time and that's going to be part of it. Maybe they've got emotional needs. Can I tell you that everybody's going to come to you.

W. Austin Gardner:

I had one guy come. He was largely overweight and had a major insecurity problem about it, and so we were sitting in my living room one day and I looked at him. I said you know? I said you've let you beat yourself up and you've allowed this to affect everything in your life. I said but can I tell you, your daughter doesn't see you as being overweight, she just sees you as daddy and the person she loves. She's not old enough yet to make those judgment calls that you get when you maybe turn into your teenage years. And so I just want to tell you you're helping people wherever they are, whatever's going on in their lives, and they're not disposable, they're not throwaways.

W. Austin Gardner:

When I was a kid, you had to pay a deposit on a Coke bottle and then, when you bought another Coke bottle, you could either bring another Coke. You could either bring the old bottle or you could pay money for a new one, because it was. You know, deposit and return, and today it's no deposit, no return. People are of no value either, and you just throw people away instead of trying to love them and help them, and that is not who you ought to be. If you're going to be doing this, you're going to have to have a different attitude. You're going to have to work at doing something different than that.

W. Austin Gardner:

Now. They may not recognize your contributions. I think that is a massive problem that we end up having. I just want you to know it's a massive issue because they don't appreciate you and I know that is terribly horrible and, believe me, I've had them not appreciate me a million times. But you're just going to have to realize you are a servant and hardly ever do we respect the servant, hardly ever do we care what the servant's feeling and that's who we are and they may negatively affect your life. I think you want to know that.

W. Austin Gardner:

I think you might be wondering well, what happens if they attack me? What happens if they will? Maybe they did to Paul, they did to Jesus and they probably will to you, and so you're just going to have to know. I used to tell the guys when I was working with them very closely. I said Jesus had 1 and 12 go bad. You're probably going to have 11 and 12 go bad. You're going to keep one, and that may sound pretty negative, but isn't it true? You and I just don't measure up. We're not Jesus and we're not able to do everything that Jesus is able to do.

W. Austin Gardner:

So you will work on them, you will help them, they will grow, but you're going to be taken advantage of. I think that's a fear. Won't they exploit me? Won't they take advantage of me? Won't they use me? And my answer is yes, very definitely. Yes, you know, the rich man has many friends, and as long as they know that they can get help from you, they will be your best friend.

W. Austin Gardner:

But maybe, when they get all the help they want, they won't be that kind of friend. But then isn't that what we're called to do? Aren't we called to help people and love people and grow people? And so, even if they take advantage of us, even if they don't follow through on their commitments, even if they mistreat us, we're just going to have to go on. We're just going to have to follow through.

W. Austin Gardner:

And so I want to challenge you with that attitude. They may not give back, they may take more than they give and they may walk away the second. They don't need you. But again, that's what people have done to Jesus. That's what I've done to him more than once, and you too, if you're honest, we've not always lived up to what we ought to be. We don't reciprocate. You can't reciprocate. I mean, how in the world do you ever reciprocate to Jesus? So those are some fears I think that you might feel when you start out as a mentor and you're wondering what's going to happen. So I want to tell you that these are reasonable and logical fears.

W. Austin Gardner:

I haven't mentioned all of them, but I think I've touched on enough for you to get the idea, and I think you ought to realize that it is risky being a mentor. It is dangerous, and that's what we'll talk about the next time is the dangers of mentoring, because there are dangers. But, at the same time, going out to try to tell somebody about Jesus is risky. Starting a church is risky. Planning churches is risky. Giving money is risky. Everything we do in life costs. If it's of any value, it costs.

W. Austin Gardner:

And so you and I have got to get in our heads We've got to get in our minds that we are going to take a chance on people. Take a chance on people and don't let the fact that you've been hurt in the past keep you from stepping out to help again. Help even if you've been hurt and do something for Jesus that brings real value to the kingdom. Don't let your fears. Jesus has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and power and a strong mind. Raise your shield of faith and catch those fiery darts in the shield and stand for Jesus so you can become a mentor. And I know you have some fears about it and I just hope that you'll understand. It is well worth it. It is well worth it. I have been mentoring for many, many years and I will not quit. I will not stop. I find it to be the most rewarding part of my life and I have been hurt. I have been deeply hurt. I've been mistreated, I've been accused. It doesn't matter. You're not in this for that. You're in this to make a difference for the kingdom of Jesus Christ.

W. Austin Gardner:

Well, thank you very much for listening today and I hope that it has been a blessing to you. If it has, I wish you'd give us a like and do some sharing and invite other people to listen. I wish you'd give us a like and do some sharing and invite other people to listen, and I want to see God add value to you through these little talks that we're having. And if there's anything I can do for you. I wish you'd get in touch with me. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to get an email or a text, and all of that's available, all of my information. All you've got to do is go to waustongardenercom and you can get in touch, but I want you to know I love you and I believe in you and I'm here for you. If there's anything I can do, I'd love to do it. So this has been World Evangelism Podcast and I'm your host, austin Gardner, thanking you so much for being with us today. God bless you.