Followed By Mercy

Rethinking “If You Love Me, Keep My Commandments” Through Relationship, Not Rules

• W. Austin Gardner

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A single verse misunderstood can shape your whole view of God for better or worse. “If you love me, keep my commandments” has often been used like a scoreboard, measuring who’s in and who’s out. However, in John 14, that line is set within a conversation filled with comfort, peace, and promise. When you hear it in that light, obedience stops being a price tag for love and becomes the natural response to love already given.

In this episode, we trace how Jesus connects love and action, not through pressure but through partnership with the Spirit. In the garden, he prays, “Not my will but yours,” and heaven sends strength, not shame. That same Spirit now writes God’s will on our hearts, shaping us from the inside out. No more white-knuckle striving, no more fear of failing the test, just learning to live as someone already loved.

We discuss what real obedience looks like when it’s fueled by grace: loving God, loving others, forgiving freely, and trusting in the Father’s care. You’ll hear how identity anchors behavior, how peace replaces anxiety, and how desire itself begins to change when grace takes the lead.

If you’re tired of performing for God’s approval, this conversation will help you breathe again. Obedience without love is bondage, but love empowered by the Spirit becomes a joyful yes.

Short Summary:

 “If you love me, keep my commandments” isn’t a test of worth. It’s an invitation to a relationship. In this episode, we explore how love, identity, and the Spirit’s power turn rule-keeping into joyful trust and peace.

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Austin Gardner:

Well, I welcome you back to Followed by Mercy. I'm here with Robert Canfill again, a co-host, and I'm excited about that. And today we're gonna just talk with you about a statement that is very troubling, bothers people. Robert, go ahead.

Robert Canfield:

Yeah, I was in my Bible reading the other day, and I heard heard this thing. If you love me, keep my commandments. And immediately when I thought of that, I think about it when everyone uses it.

Austin Gardner:

They use it as a way to prove their love. Yeah.

Robert Canfield:

I don't think they use that as a as a proof of their love. They usually use it to judge another person. Well, I would okay.

Austin Gardner:

If they love him, he'd be keeping his commandments. Yeah, yeah. And he'd be keeping the commandments I picked. Yeah, yeah, you'd be keeping the commandments. These are the things.

Robert Canfield:

Exactly. And that's a lot of times we just bring up the, I mean, our rules and say, if you love them, you'll keep. And it's almost like a manipulation tool.

Austin Gardner:

Yep. And that's what performance-based religion uh ends up doing. It wants to turn into something else. But as we were chewing the fat about this, uh you saw something different, which is something the Lord's been teaching me. Go ahead and tell him what you saw.

Robert Canfield:

No, I so I and was it John chapter 14, verse 15, he says, If you love me, keep my commandments. That's pretty simple, right? If you love me, keep my commandments. Then he jumps down to verse 21 and he says, He that hath my commandments keepeth them. He it is that loveth me, and he that loveth me shall be loved of the Father, and I will love him, and I will make manifest to him. And then Jesus answered, he says, If if verse 23, if a man loves me, he will keep my word, and my father will love him, and will come to him and make our abode with him. And he says, verse thirty twenty-four, he says, He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings, and the words which bear or the words which ye hear is not mine, but the father is uh but but the father which sent me. And then he says this at the end. He says this Verse 31, that the world may know that I love the Father, and as the Father gave me commandments, even so I do, let us arise and go hence. That's a lot in that that John, right? And it's a it's a recurring phrase that Jesus uses.

Austin Gardner:

I think that the point is that if you love him, you do what he wants you to do. You're obeying him. You know, Betty and I have been married 52 years, and there have never been any rules. But I love her so much, I'm constantly working at not correct to say obey in the way we think of it today, but I am always thinking about how does this affect her? How does she feel about this?

Robert Canfield:

Well, and most people use this passage, right? Like you, like we talked about as a manipulation tool. But if you just look at it in the context of what's happening, Jesus is about ready to go to the cross. And that's why he says, Arise, let us go hence. And he's talking about not letting your heart be troubled, just just before this. And even inside this, he says, Don't let your heart be troubled. I got this comforter. He's going to help you, bring you, remind you. And like the whole point of it in my mind is this Jesus loved the Father and does what the Father wants. And he knows the Father's will. Yep. And his will was what Jesus wanted to do. That's what he says when he's at the at the Garden of Gethsemane. He's like, Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass over me. But nevertheless, not my will be done, but let thy will. And when you think about love, love is like you trying to find that person who you've set your affection, not just affection, it's not just a feeling, but you set you find that what that person wants and their wants and their desires. Love is the strongest control there is. Is it not? I mean, I look at stuff and I'm like when you know you're loved, when you you're willing to do anything, right?

Austin Gardner:

When you know you're loved and when you love back. Right.

Robert Canfield:

And love affects not just it's not just a feeling, it's just it's just a weird concept that we have nowadays. It's just so weird. But when I love something, their wants, their needs, their cares, their wishes, it's like it becomes a part of me. I want to fulfill it. Yep. I mean, isn't that what happens at marriage, right? It should happen. Like this woman, you know what I mean? Or this man for a woman, you know what I mean? That this person, the spouse, their wants and their desires is what I want to not to make them pleased with me, but because I care so much about them. And they've already showed it. And what Jesus was stating here is this is like, if you love me, then do what do what I want.

Austin Gardner:

The focus there is not performance as much as it is relationship. That's exactly what that's all I see through here.

Robert Canfield:

And he talks about how we should love, right? But then at the end he says, I just want the world to know. Verse 31, but that the world may know that I love the father. And how do we know that Jesus loved the father? He did what his father asked him. He did what his father wanted. He did what he was, his father wasn't willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Austin Gardner:

So this verse should not be used to make you earn God's love or maintain God's love. Because God is love and he loved us while we were yet sinners. He loved us while we were ungodly, he loved us when we were without strength. His love is not based on what you do. That's exactly it. God loves you. And that I think that's really what goes on in Ephesians chapter one, when he starts off and he says, This is all that's happened to you in Christ. This is how much God loves you. And see, in Ephesians, he's going to take what two or three chapters telling you who you are and what's happened before it's ever mentioned what you ought to do.

Robert Canfield:

When you think about God's love, what has God's love done for you? Everything. In my mind, it gives me He created me. Yep. In my mind, He sang over me when I was being created in my mom's womb. Yes, he did. In my mind, he wrote all my members down in his book.

Austin Gardner:

That's right. Well, it's not in your mind. That's actually Psalm 139. Well, I put it in my mind. I'm gonna keep it in my mind. Which is what we are teaching people. You want to meditate. I like what you just said. See, that's it's like written in your DNA. In my mind, you said. Well, it's not really in your mind that came out of scripture, but that's exactly right.

Robert Canfield:

Well, it needs to be imputed into us, right? We need to engraft it, is what the scripture says. Yep. You keep circular reasoning almost, but right? So I'm I was created, and not only was I created, but you know how else he shows his love? That while I was a yet a sinner, he came running for me. He came after me. Yep. And he knew what sins in game was. Right? You talked about it when when when he came walking after Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve were not searching for him. He came looking for them.

Austin Gardner:

Nor has anyone ever searched for him. Everyone of you listening need to know this. He looked for you. Yeah. He came and found you.

Robert Canfield:

And his his message was was okay, what you do, okay, we're gonna get through this. I'm gonna get you through this. Man hides, he comes after us. Man avoids the conflict. God says, I'm going to resolve it. And so I look at that, he comes after. He then he became my sin. Because he knows that sin has consequences. And I think sometimes people just think that sin is just whatever there, and it's just made up in people's minds, and it was just a way of religion to control the masses and stuff like that. But there is things out there, there's a way of living that just brings condemnation and it brings shame. And he became that. And in becoming that, he shows that we no longer have to worry about having that sin having power over us, nor its consequences. And he relieved that. And then he says, I've got these things out here that I've that I'm that this is what we do. This is who we are. His commandments, it's very, it's very interesting when when when when you listen to people talk. Like it's like, okay, so what what do you think his commandments are? They wanted to, they're looking for obligations. Yeah, and and they're oblig- I mean, some of their stuff is like, okay, that's interesting. Where's your Bible verse on that? And does that really mean that? But like, and you look at his messages to his disciples, you know what they usually are? Love. Love others. This is my commandment. Well, every commandment hangs on two loves. Loving God with everything you got, and then loving other people as yourself.

Austin Gardner:

And all the law and commandments hang on that. And that's and that's how we fulfill his law. But they turn obedience into fear and obligation and self-effort.

Robert Canfield:

Well, they've got to figure out a way to get you to do something that you that you shouldn't, that you don't want to do in and of itself. But I'm like, no, if I love him, does that make sense?

Austin Gardner:

If you love him, you want to do it. Yeah. It's not it's relationship. It it honestly, it's like, it is not a big deal for me to put the toilet seat down. What it's because I'm in love with a girl that likes it down.

Robert Canfield:

And it and and for me, there are times when it's extremely hard to forgive. But then I remember like, Robert, were you not forgiven? That's right. Did he not forgive you? And didn't that change your life? The forgiven, forgive. Right? The loved, love. Isn't that what is this? The the people that's been given. The blessed blessed. Yeah, the blessed, blessed the people that have been given, give. That's right. Those are his like commandments. Yep. Those are the things if you look, if you look back and you see, hey, don't worry, trust. Isn't that what he says? You you look at that. Hey, stop judging other people. You take care of yourself.

Austin Gardner:

When you look at his messages, it's really about who I am, and I do who I am. So if you love Jesus, you do what loving Jesus means. If I realize what my identity is in Christ, then I start living out my identity. He lives it out through you. Oh no, that's even better. That's correct. Because it's not I. I'm crucified Christ. I'm alive, but it's not me. It's Christ. That's good. It's right.

Robert Canfield:

And it's not the minister of the letter, it's now the spirit that's changing us. And so, like, when you see a person, they say, Yeah, I love God. And then, like, that doesn't mean there's like perfection. You are being perfected in the sense that you are being made whole. But Christians, they mess up, they do wrong. But God keeps he that beguneth a good work, he's gonna finish it. Does he not? Ananias is a fire, you might be lying to the Holy Spirit, but whenever you get up to heaven and you see him, it's like he always told the truth. And that's what he does. But when we talk about this thing, this commandment that we give, that we give, it's not out of like manipulation and and these people didn't keep the things I think they should keep. No, it's like me directing my attention, my desires, and my wants and my will to what he wants now.

Austin Gardner:

It's really not trying to behave, but it's resting in the life that Christ gave us. It's really, it's uh I I think of it in when I in secular common ways. You know, it's it's a wife doesn't, Betty didn't marry me 52 years ago, and have to think in her mind, I've got to behave, I got to earn his love. She moved in as my wife. We were just young kids getting married, and there were no rules, but she worked so hard at pleasing me because she was my wife. I worked so hard at pleasing her because I was her husband. It wasn't a matter of uh of uh a threat or a manipulation, it was a pure out, I'm in love here. You know what he did.

Robert Canfield:

When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, and I saw this, this is a couple days ago in my Bible reading, and he cried out to those words. I don't know if you I think what does it go, how he goes, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me, nevertheless, not my will, but thine be done. So Jesus cries out to God, and he's like, I'm about ready to go face death, I'm about ready to take on the sins of the world, and I'm gonna die if it's possible. And you're willing, please remove this cup. But God, at the end of the day, let your will be done, not mine. What an incredible view of love. You know what God does afterwards? The scripture says in Luke chapter 42, or 22, verse 43, it says, and I've never saw this before. It says, and there appeared an angel from heaven strengthening him. So even when Jesus was striving to do the will of God, you know what God did? He sent one of his messengers to strengthen and encourage his child to fulfill what he's done for him, what he was willing. Does that make sense? You follow me? That's right. And I look in our own Christian life. And a lot of times in our life, we're like, God, I really do want to love you. I really do. If you're a born-again believer, you want to serve him, you want to keep his commandments, you want to do what's right, because we know that the opposite side is like death and destruction and shame and torture, right? We don't want that. We see that. We saw what it cost him on Calvary. And so there's inside of us a desire, right? And in the midst of that, John chapter 14, he's saying, If you love me, you'll keep my commandments. If you love me, keep my commandments. And he says this he says, But the comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, bring all things to remembrance. Whatsoever I said unto you, peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you. Not of this world I give, give it. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. And so, even in this thing where he tells us, If you love me, you'll keep my commandments. If you love me, you'll keep my commandments. Right in the middle of it, he says, I got somebody there for you.

Austin Gardner:

He takes care of us all the way through it. He's gonna minister. If obedience without love is legalism. Exactly. And and love without obedience is just like empty talk.

Robert Canfield:

And and get this love without him working it in and through us is not real love. That's right.

Austin Gardner:

Because it's him working it through us. It's all about that whole passage, that verse is about relationship. It's about know who I am in Christ, I love who I am, and I want to live out who I am.

Robert Canfield:

And he's helping me get to that point where I'm getting and I'm doing that. Because when he was here on earth, he was saying, God, I don't really want to do this. If it's possible, he didn't say I don't really want to do this. He said, God, if it's possible, remove this cup, but let me do your will, not mine. And then I think, oh, it's white knuckle time, right? It's it's grit, right? It's me just being down and gritting my teeth and going to, I'm gonna do it no matter what. And then the Bible says, and an angel from heaven came and strengthened him. Yep. So even in that, hey God, I want to love you. I want to love, there is he causes it, he helps us, he strengthens us. He's the one that produces, he ministers for us to do this. And so in my mind, I'm like, God, you are not a mean, evil God. Oh, no, he's a sweet, loving He is. And God, I want to love you. And I think people out there, I think they really do want to love God.

Austin Gardner:

No, I do too. But I think it's been twisted, so I think people get messed up. I think if you're listening today, it's not about don't focus on obeying, focus on loving. And loving will produce obedience, but obedience will not necessarily produce love. Oh no. A lot of times things are done out of like just duty. And that makes people miserable. They burn out. Burn out. Can't keep it up, can't do it all. But once you realize how loved you are, you're like, even if I don't do it, he's gonna keep on loving me. You know what duty causes?

Robert Canfield:

A lot of times duty causes fear. We're not to live in fear. And he says, I gave you my Holy Spirit. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. In that midst of that passage, he's like, stop letting your your mind get anxious. Because whenever your heart's getting anxious, you think everything relies on you. Yeah, that's right. It's not about that. And he's like, just love me. Yep, no doubt. Let your wills and your desires and your mind be changed to what mine are. Yep. And just relax. I got, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I got a comforter, I got a paraclete, I got someone that's gonna come right next to you, and he's gonna teach you. Yep, he's gonna bring all these things back to remembrance, he's gonna leave peace in your mind. Yep. And he's gonna help you. You know, in 2 Corinthians, I believe it's chapter 3, when Paul writes, he is, he's making a an argument for his apostleship, and he's telling these people, he's like, Are you not my letter written? It's like, do I need to write a letter, or just are you guys not it? He says, the things that happened to you, it wasn't like chiseled on stone that caused you a change in your life. That's right. It was in your heart. And at the end of that chapter in chapter three, he says this. He says this, nevertheless, or he says, uh, now the Lord is that spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty, there's freedom. He said, The Spirits have done the work in your guys' life. And he says this, but we all with open face, we were holding a glass, the glory of God. We see God's glory, and you know what that causes in us? We see who God is, we see his how he's transformed, how he was made high, how he's lifted up. He said this. We are changed into the same image from glory to glory. Yep. You know how that happens? He says this, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. It's his spirit working in and through me that's causing the change. Amen. And it's not my list, it's not my, it's not my, okay, here's my little pamphlet that I wrote that's gonna bring change in your life, that's gonna cause you to do this, this, and this, and this. No, it's his spirit.

Austin Gardner:

He does the work. So you're not proving that you love him, you're loving him, and that works out into doing things. I can't love him. I do because I am loved. Yeah. I do because I love.

Robert Canfield:

You know what happens when we get saved? You know what he does inside of our heart? He sheds abroad the his love. That's right. That's what Romans says. He sheds abroad. So I can love my enemy. I can do good to those that curse me. I can bless those that that speak poorly of me. I can forgive those who've done me wrong. That's right. I can I can give and not expect anything in return. I can I can I can now go around and say, hey, I'm not their judge. Lord's gonna judge. I can look around, I can look around and I can say, Hang, I'll be anxious. I look at the flowers, I look at the birds. He takes care of them, he's taking care of me. That's right. Hey, I got enough junk today. I'm just seeking first his kingdom. I'm seeking after his righteousness. I know he's gonna take care of me.

Austin Gardner:

And he he spoke them 2,000 years ago. Amen. So well, thank y'all for listening. I hope today has blessed you. It sure has blessed me. That's one of my favorite passages. I didn't understand for so many years. I've used it to manipulate people, and I've used it to prove myself, and I've used it to measure myself, and it was never meant to be that way. It was just meant, hey, I love you, you love me, so do what do what you know I want you to do because you're in love with me. So I hope you'll take that. And the Holy Spirit's in us, working it all out. I loved how Robert pointed that out. So thank y'all for being with us, and we look forward to talking to you again.

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Austin Gardner

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