From Performance to Peace: Finding God’s Love in the Pit

"I didn't realize how much I had fallen into performance-driven Christianity—doing things to earn God's favor when He already favored me."

In this episode, Austin Gardner takes us through the most "horrific" time of his life—recovering from a near-fatal bout of COVID only to be met with five new tumors and the abandonment of friends. Yet, in the middle of the chaos, he discovered a truth that changed everything: the absolute, unconditional love of Jesus Christ.

Key Themes:

• The Physical Battle: Moving from a walker to the pulpit.
• The Social Battle: Finding grace when people say things that aren't true.
• The Spiritual Breakthrough: Moving past "religion" to a relationship of rest.
• The Series Announcement: Preparing for the 5-day blitz of Robert and Kelly Canfield’s story starting Monday, March 9.

Connect with Austin:
Visit the ministry hub for articles, coaching, and updates: https://waustingardner.com
Share this episode with someone who needs to know they are followed by mercy today.

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Transcript

Surviving COVID And Coming Home

Austin Gardner 0:27

I'm taking you through the story of what God's done in my life. And, you know, we've now had the cancer and the COVID. I wanted to tell you when I came home, COVID, I stunk so bad that my son, David, had come in from Peru to be here, probably expecting my funeral. And he would open the windows when I came in our room, and they had to help me come with my walker, you know. And he would uh cover, he would take and open the windows or cover his nose. And of course they did that behind my back. So I had to have a haircut. My kids took me out on the back patio. And uh, I mean, they cut my hair and they shaved me eventually. Uh David shaved me, and then I had to have a shower, and life slowly began to get back to normal. Every day I pushed myself to do the exercise that I was called on to do by the doctor, uh by the therapist. They were coming to my house. They were, I mean, every kind of therapist, they're still working on me. And uh cancer's not back uh fully yet. You know, I don't know about it. I've had COVID. They didn't do the scan. And since they didn't do the scan, they don't know. And my oncologist was quite upset because he thought, had they known, they might have could have stopped it earlier. But God has his hand in everything that's going on in your life. And it wasn't long till I was able to climb the stairs. I would walk up my stairs every day, walk back down my stairs. I'd do that several times a day, trying to get used to living life again after COVID. And finally the Lord allowed me to get back in my pulpit. It was only a couple of weeks, and I was able to go back to preaching, and I was so excited and blessed about that. Life seemed to be headed into normal, and it came time to go get the scan, and that's when they found the five tumors, and that's when they started all the medicine, and that's when all the side effects began to take place, and that'll go on for quite a long time. And in that time, I had uh a lot of chaos in my life. I had some things happen, people said some things. It was a very hurtful time in my life that weren't true. I hurt, but you know, there's no need to strike out or fight and be ugly about things. It's just to go on. Now, I don't believe that God causes the bad things to happen to us that happen. I would like that to be clear to you. I think we live in a sin-cursed world. We walked away from God, we brought that on ourselves, and no matter what happens, whether it's sickness or or loss of friends or loss of money, loss of employment, or maybe you've gone through a divorce or other horrible things in your family, and you're like, a man, why is God so mean? No, God's not mean. We walked away from God. We had a life in the Garden of Eden. We left that life and came out here to live our own life and to decide for ourselves what was right and wrong, and we have since paid the price, and it's been a hard price that we pay because of that. But God takes the bad things that people do and turns them around to be good things, and God does great things with all the bad things that happen in our lives, and you want to learn to trust God with that. I'd like to go ahead and tell you now that uh in the time that I was now facing cancer again, I was recovering from COVID, facing cancer, getting side effects starting to come down on me. Uh terrible things are happening in my personal life as far as losing friends and being attacked. And guess what? God becomes more precious than he ever has. All of a sudden, I am alone. My friends don't want to talk to me. Uh my body is falling apart. My life is amiss. I don't know where to turn, I don't know what to do. I don't have anybody. And all of a sudden, it begins to become very apparent to me that God loves me. I didn't realize how much I had fallen into performance-driven Christianity, religion, doing things to earn God's favor when God already favored me. I would lay awake at night in the bed, loss of friends, loss of health, loss of future, all that's gone. And I would think to myself, what in the world? I couldn't sleep. The drugs that they were giving me, I've I mean, I've got damage from the thyroid down to no adrenal glands. That uh that'll happen later. We haven't gotten to that yet. But all this stuff is going on and it is really messing with my body. And you don't know how much if you take this medicine, it interacts with this medicine. Although all of you that are having similar struggles as me, you know about that. I was alone. No, my wife was here. Don't do it. It's 52 years plus now. My children have been the most faithful. I had wonderful friends that did not, uh, you know, they were here with me all every step of the way. That's not the point. But you feel alone, don't you? I know you do. I know it's about you too. I know that you're hurting. I know that divorce is destroying you. I know that your children walking away is killing you. I know that the the that last medical alert, that last medical doctor's visit destroyed you. I know that your life is hurting. Well, in that time I learned how much he loved me. Now I I spent lots of nights. At night I would get in my truck. At the time I had a truck, it's been well over a year, a year and a half ago now. I'd get in my truck and I would drive, and I would just find a I'd drive for an hour or two, and then I'd find a church parking lot, and I'd park in the church parking lot and lean the the seat back and turn on some Christian music and I would try begin to think about how God loves me. And I'd calm down, I could come back to the house. But in that time that I thought was the most horrific time of my life, God began to speak to me and to build me and to grow me, and it's this has become the absolute best time of my life. Do you hear that? This has become the absolute best time of my life. So I want you to know I don't care what you're going through, I don't know what's happening in your life, that God loves you and He'll get you through and He will bring this boot to your good. Just wake up and wait for it and look for it and expect God to do that. Expect God to show Himself and show Himself strong. Now, since this is gonna be going out the very day I'm recording it, and uh Monday is when Robert and Kelly's story is going to drop, I've got to give you a little notice that you need to be ready to hear the Robert and Kelly story. It'll come out five days in a row. It is professionally done, it is excellent. You're going to find out how when the most horrific news comes in your life, God has grace. She has Pompeii disease, and that's a horrific disease. It's a fatal disease, but it's being managed and God is working. But I think when we know about other people who are going through things, we can get a hold of the fact that God can do a work in our lives. You know, I look at people everywhere are hurting. You're hurting, but you're not the only one everybody's hurting. I have a son who has diabetes, and you know, when I think about all that I have to go through with all my body junk, he's been doing that since he was like 14 years old. Sometimes I forget that, and that's not very kind to me. And then you look at people can't have children, uh, people are having marriage issues, people are having trouble with their children, their divorce has left a scar that never heals, and they're hurting every way they turn. So I want you to know that from the Austin Gardner story to your story, I know that God will work it out for good. You just need to get a hold of how much God loves you. He loves you right now, right where you are, and he is at work in your life, and he will not quit. What a wonderful God we serve. So I challenge you to take this little lesson, apply it to your heart, and to grow and go for Jesus, and we'll give him praise for what he's going to do. Thank you for listening. Please share it with other people if it's a blessing to you. Share the podcast, share, share the YouTube video, share waustengardner.com. Tell other people to go look at it and check it out. If you're not getting one of my emails on Substack or Beehive, I send out emails every day, and I would love to have you to be a part of it. God bless every one of you for all you're doing. I love you and I thank God for you. Have a great day and share the love of Jesus with somebody else. God bless you.