No Scorecards: 52 Years of Marriage, Grace, and "Johnson Grass"

Description:
Most people think a good marriage is about being "fair," but Austin Gardner says fairness is the enemy of a great one. After 52 years of marriage, four kids, and a lifetime of ministry, Austin shares why the best marriages don’t keep receipts. In this episode, he breaks down why love is a sacrifice (not a scorecard), why you should always make the first move, and how to pull up bitterness by the roots before it kills the sweetness. It’s raw, it’s funny, and it’s a roadmap for moving from being "roommates" to true covenant partners.

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Transcript

Marriage Stories And God’s Grace

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Uh well, I was supposed to talk about marriage stuff. I wish you all qualified. Uh the same woman. And uh one young lady told me what that we were talking about in Moselle Hurts, and she said, Well, we got off the mine, I'm about up there with them. I married the same drill I did when I was four years old. Four years. I used to stay this young with stained for kidney cancer uh and and uh be married 52 years. I married that was four, ain't you? And also I want y'all to know that you need to understand a little bit uh on our wedding night. Oh I had the oldest kidneys come out of the day and find like a man. I've been I'm doing everything I could and just managed to make it work. And uh so I am honored. Well, I'm honored to do the wonderful, these guys are heroes back in Georgia. Love that. They are loved and admired and respected. Uh, you hear their stories a lot of places, and you want to know the story of the sweet, wonderful grace of Almighty God. Your brother Ricky Howard's story. And I'm not bringing on Ricky Howard there. I'm bragging on the God of heaven who pulled him out of the worst kind of mess you could possibly imagine. And what we see today, and we're on, we're like, yeah, he's just a normal guy. If you knew where he came from, he wouldn't be not a normal guy. That's God's grace. Amen. Amen. Well, I want to give you three things from the Bible, just three verses, three passages of scripture for us to think about and work on our marriage. Now, I will tell you that I don't think we have a perfect marriage. Because as good as I am, Betty's still leaves from work. No, no. Uh I didn't really want to. I wasn't planning on

How My Dad Chose Betty

SPEAKER_04 2:05

marrying Betty. I'm gonna be honest with you. I was 18, she was 18 at that time. Well, maybe she turned 19, she's a lot older than me. She was six months older than me, and I will never forget that. When she turned 40, 30, we had a yeah, I had them paint the room black. And the phone was like, we're we're we were if I was dressed in black and they were saying my most heartfelt sympathy for you. And they say, they said, is this how Americans celebrate 40 years of marriage? And uh she said, No, that's how my husband did it. But I wasn't gonna marry her, she was my friend, she's my buddy. Uh, we went everybody together in college. It was Austin, Betty, Benny, and Austin. And my daddy had told me, boy, if you get married before you get out of college, I will not yoke you. You hear what I'm saying? If you're gonna put the money in, I'm fine with it. And uh so I brought Benny home on the weekend. Uh, from I lived in Rome, Georgia, in college, and we live back in the middle of Tennessee. And so we got off the Bucks North exit, the whole deal, went back into where my family's from, and uh I got her home, and Daddy was on the tractor, and he came out and got her, and he put her on the fender of the tractor, and they rode around for like two hours. I thought my girlfriend is gone. Well, you old man. And so uh we get we get uh we get the the next morning. I'm outside trying to fix my my car, my Corvair. I didn't say Corvair. I I said my you don't remember what Corvair was he's too young to remember a Corvair. Junk. But anyway, but anyway, I paid $300 for it, so it wasn't blame. They made it again, and I was working on it, putting a door over I'd have a wreck because I asked somebody illegally and you know, they could turn it and uh I shouldn't have done that. But back then, back then, even the cops said, Don't do it again, boy. And I and I went home and and I bought a new door from a junk car, not a new door, but you know, a door from the junk car and I was replacing. My dad comes out and he says, Well, what's your plans about girl? I said, Well, tomorrow morning we're gonna go to church here. Then tomorrow afternoon we're gonna drive from here down to Rome and we'll go to church down here, private church. He said, Well, don't be don't be playing with me. And I ask you a question, you're metrius. Now you've got to understand, he's a Tennessee Hillbilly. He's hard, he's tough, he's mean. He was brought up very similar to how the pastor was, with an alcoholic dad whose mom died of an illegal abortion when he was when he was six years old. I mean, he was brought up, so he didn't ought to be sweet. Sweet was not in his vocabulary. And uh he said, Don't don't lie to me, boy. I said, Dad, don't say those are the only plans I have. And he said, If you ain't gonna marry that drug, you're stupid. He said, he says, so he says, uh, y'all understand my human tone. But so he says, uh, he says, I remember what I told you about getting married before you got out of college. I said, yes, sir. He said, well, if you won't marry her, that's okay. I said, if you don't marry her, you're at any. So I was like, that's the person I really and uh and uh so till he died, till he died, he would tell people I picked her up. Yeah, and I would say, yeah, you probably did. So one day my mom and dad are having uh issues in their marriage, and they're old people and me now, and I'm his pastor. That's all the position. He goes into my office and wants to talk about his marital relationships. And he tells me we ain't been together, you know, the younger song in a long time. I said, All right, and he said, uh, I said, well, then you just need to love her. He said, she ain't no betty.

unknown 6:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:32

So anyway, I knew that I'm wearing the best girl in the world, so there you go. Three verses, I'm gonna keep us a long time. I want you to go in and Ephesians 5.25. Now, if you honestly, this is the verse, in my opinion, for the young marriage. And here's what I want you to, I'll give you three things to write down if you if you write down stuff. But number one is love is sacrifice, not a scorecard. Love is sacrifice, not a scorecard. Love is sacrifice, not a scorecard. The Bible

Love Is Sacrifice Not Receipts

SPEAKER_04 7:03

says, husbands love your wives, as Christ also loves the church, and gave himself for it. I really think that hit me hard. I was mystery and through, and when you're reading the Bible in another language, all of a sudden, things you think you know, you read another language, you say, You don't say that, you don't say that in English. I read it when we talk as price. Well, it's not the same, it's different. So I read it, I went, Who does? The same. How come you never paid attention, dang bad? I'm 35 years old now, mystery, and I have never paid attention to that verse. And here's what he told me to do. He said, Also, I want you to love betting, like Jesus launched church, sir. Well, and then the Holy Spirit just working, but if you're a boy, he can believe he lives in you. Amen. And he's working and he's kind of telling me, he's like, he's like, All right, I finally got your attention, son. And and we start talking. Me and the Holy Spirit just thinking. I'm just thinking, how did Christ love the church? How did Christ love the church? I probably probably preached a message series with 10 and 15 messages on that. Because once you start thinking about it, you ever thought about how he loves you? You ever thought about how he loves you? He loves you sacrificially. That's right. See, love is a sacrifice, not a scorecard. See, love doesn't keep score. Love doesn't fact is love settles the score by the sacrifice. And and so I I gotta think about it. He loved me so much that when I totally, completely did not deserve it, I died for me. I did not deserve it. I didn't earn it. I do I wasn't good enough. I didn't clean up right, I didn't do anything. Sin brings death, but the gift of God's eternal life, the gift, I can earn hurt from sin, I can earn the hurt from sin, the death from sin. I can earn that wages. But the gift, you don't earn gifts. And so when I'm loving my spouse, I I want to talk to men first because well, I understand y'all more. I'm married 52 years, I do not understand women. How many of you agree with that saying, man? I'm sorry. It's not our fault. They are hard to understand. I don't care what they think or what they say. You could ask that. That's what he's doing. Good deal. Uh he loved me sacrificially. He wants me to love her sacrificially.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:00

Well, me and we are we we need to take the lead here. I mean, I still believe that men are men.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:08

Man is supposed to lead. And he's talking to me in first here. He says, Husbands love your wives. That's right. It's a command, not an option.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 10:16

I mean, he's telling me, awesome, love that girl.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

And you love her like I love you. Well, how do you love me? I love you enough to die for you. Uh, here's what I say. Most of us have died for our wives.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

We didn't live for them. Come on, tell the truth. I mean, wait a minute. Is it gonna be uncomfortable? Not that kind of sacrifice. If I got if you gotta shoot me, shoot me. But but if you mean I gotta be nice to her, that's a that's a different deal. You know what? It's a sacrifice. But sometimes, ladies, you are wrong. I know. But sometimes you go all wrong. Yeah. But men, you know what we're just doing? We're sacrificially love them. We don't love them because they deserve it. Right. We don't love them because they earned it. Right. We love them because we love them. You know why God loves you, don't you? You want me to say why he loves you? Because God is love. Right. We loved him because he first loved us. God is love. You know it's his character to love you. He doesn't turn the love on and off because he can't. Because he is love. How do you turn off what you are? So God is love. And he said, you know how I love you. I need you to love Betty that way. Sacrificial. Could I just stop here, ladies, and say, I do think you ladies know more about sacrificing than men.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

I don't mean to be ugly here at TV. They do a lot more for us to be do for them a lot of times. But ladies, sometimes you could sacrifice a little bit of that pride. You can go ahead and let him say he's sorry in his way. He don't even know how to say he's sorry. He's a little too dumb to say, I talk. Come on. How do I know these things? I I've been studying you. I'm perfect, but no, that's not true. The second thing I want you to see is if you love what Christ loves, you make the first move.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

You make the first move. Now, you kind of want to throw over the end of that.

SPEAKER_04 12:30

I've talked to thousands of couples over the years. I mean, I've been a pastor, Mr. Cole for 15 years. And you know what he'll say? Well, when she gets, she'll just say she's sorry, I'll fix everything. And she says, You don't know

Make The First Move First

SPEAKER_04 12:43

what I put up with. He needs to make the first move. I'm gonna tell the truth. You haven't been there. Oh, you've only been there. Well, you know what God did? He didn't say, Austin, you made the first move. He said, I've made it for God's own world. Amen. Did he get his only begotten son? Who shall believe him should not perish? But God commended his love toward us and that while we were still sinners, yet sinners, Christ died for us. That's right. He made the first move. You know, you only know why when it's blowing your mind, you didn't find anything. You just realized he found you. You just kind of woke up to the fact he's been chasing me down. Surely goodness and mercy do follow me all the things of my life. And uh one day you just woke up and whoa, I found God. He goes, Yeah, you did. I've been chasing you down to get where we are right now. Is that what Jesus was going to describe what his father was like? He said, Jesus describe what his father was like. He said he's like the shepherd that lost his sheep. He's got a hundred sheep, one goes to crave. He said, He said, Does he stay with the 99 or is he watching the one? And it says he goes after one. Yeah. And he chases it until he finds it. Right. If he's a good Baptist. You know, barbecue that sheep broken. If he's a Baptist preacher, you know he'd kill that sheep. Come on, tell the truth. Or broke a leg. He reaches down, picks that sheep buttons, lays it on his shoulders, holds it on the legs on both sides of it won't fall, and starts whispering sweet sheep nothing on his little ear as he walks home. I think you thought that he didn't say that. He didn't say that.

SPEAKER_03 14:23

And he walks into town and he starts hollering. Hey, have a party! I found my sheep that went astray.

SPEAKER_04 14:37

That's right. You were like the lost coin. And the lady searched for you until she found you down in the dirt, in the cracks of the floor. In a filthy place you were. They found you, God found you, God and Son, God home. Because the good badness, you know, if the prodigal son comes home, we're gonna be and say, all right, do 52 things you gotta do if you won't get paid right. We're gonna break your leg and gonna pin the little swap out of you, and gonna live out in the Sunny's quarters. And if you just leave me, maybe after you make a full confession in front of the whole town, maybe we'll let you in. And he said, I have my daddy is. I'm sorry. He said, Watch this. My daddy lifted up his robes as an old man. He took off running, grabbed the boy, kissed him in his pig stench, swung him around of there, and started yelling, my boy, let's go home! And he's yelling, we're having a party, kill the fatted calf, call the whole town. My boy came home. Now, I must love Betty like he loves me. Sometimes I'm like with Betty, well, if you'll say you're sorry. You don't do that? Come on. Come on. Well, you you know, you never say you're sorry. Come on, you do come on, you fall for that sometimes. That's not how our father loves us. That's right. He loves us like we are, that's good. Where we are. I gotta kind of rest a little bit disadvantage, but how about this one? Forgive even when you're mistreated. Does he do that? Does he forgive? You remember their nailing him to the cross? Come on, uh, think with me. What does he say? Is there pounded in the nails once? He says, Father, forgive them.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

What? What?

SPEAKER_04 16:37

Daddy, I'd be forgiving you if you quit doing the whip burning and beans. Whatever it is. Whatever it is, you fix it and I'll forgive you, but you gotta do some fixing.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Jesus said, while you're nailing. That's right.

SPEAKER_04 16:56

Sometimes in our marriage things are rough and uh one of us is mistreating the other. And that's true. How do you live with another selfish human? Because we're all selfish. If we're honest, how do you how do you live with somebody fits to you? Two selfish people. I tell you, you gotta learn to love like Jesus loves. You gotta quit keeping receiving that's y'all's big problem. I don't think I have ever told a story right or remember the detail right. I mean I've been married to I'm 71 years old. I may have a much older woman. She's 72. And she'll say, you are 71 and a half, you aren't just 71. You didn't tell that one, right? You know, come on, you may, you know, when we don't do that. I tell a story, and and Betty's kind of like she remembers. She told Strauss that did not happen. She said, Yes, it is. I said, No, it didn't. I'm sure she's wrong. But she has a sugar mate that she should, I know. Because she didn't remember. Because your girl's on the computer with everything we heard. Austin said this on August the 5th, 1978.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

How do you remember that? I don't remember what I had for lunch.

SPEAKER_04 18:26

Don't keep receipts. Don't keep receipts. A scorecard said, I did this for you. What are you doing for me? We don't keep a scorecard. Jesus didn't keep a scorecard. A scorecard says, I apologized last time. A scorecard says, I gave more than you gave. The scorecard says, you owe me. So husbands will love your wives as Christ loved the church. That's our first little lesson tonight. Gonna love your wife like like Christ loves the church. Yeah. And I need you out to no lingualism here. No guilt on you, no putting pressure on you. You need to understand the Holy Spirit lives in you. Sorry. In every one of you. Jesus is alive in you. Galatians 2.20. I'm crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I'm alive. I'm dead with Christ, but I'm alive. Yet not I. Christ lives in me. Did you know that as nice that this building is ain't your guest says that building? You're the building where he lives. That's beautiful. That means I don't have the wood for doing this. I just pray him doing this. I kind of relax and listen to him.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:41

Because he's like, uh, love it. And he's going to help me learn to love and be like that. So I want to challenge you to do that. Whenever the scorecard disappears, competition dies, tenderness grows, safety increases. The strongest marriages are not built on fairness, they're built on faithfulness. Faithfulness. Second uh word verse. I'm gonna read this one. Malachi 2.14. Malachi 2.14. Now, the the beautiful thing to hear with us is quite a few of you are in the you're old enough that you you know some of this just because you got why by it. It's pretty obvious you to you know, you know like Malachi 2.14. In fact, there's a guy in the church, I go, uh I remember one Saturday morning.

Covenant Marriage Versus Contract Thinking

SPEAKER_04 20:39

We've been 50 years hired this week. He goes, Oh, that's cute. He said, That's cute. He said, Me and my wife, I've been married 72 years. He said, My soon is your age. But I'm an old man, you know. So we got some life. Amen. Now watch this. The Bible says he's a wonderful friend. Between you and the life of your youth.

SPEAKER_02 21:08

I maybe I was a kid. But I didn't, I couldn't grow a beard. I didn't need to shave once a week.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

We're getting very embarrassed. I told her I said, I don't have any hair on my chest. So me and my daddy, right here's a good girl. And I thought me and supposed to power like so. She said, Oh, I ain't gonna have a life hair on a man's chest. You've been married about five years and hair started growing.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Not much, but do my bit.

SPEAKER_04 21:48

And I said, I'm very sorry. I know you told my carolin' misses. She said, Well, anyway, so she is the wife of my youth, in other words, you understand what I'm saying? She's the wife of my youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously. Yet she is thy companion and the wife of that colour.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

I I'd really like to just two words. Let's look at two words. Companion. Companion. Not my business partner, not my roommate, not my co-parent, but my ally. My best friend. Well not I show up to us. She's my companion. I would have been made her without my dad didn't get a chance because I didn't know Austin could go anywhere. I thought Austin and Betty would point.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

And then Austin wasn't. Austin will go with. You know what I mean? So I already knew that we were headed down there. Every friend I had known when I told them we're getting married, they said, well, who didn't know that? So it was, I mean, we were heading that way. She was my companion. She's my young friend. We were wore the same size pants back then. I was gonna change pants. I got a short inseam, and she has a regular inseam. We've been married long. She's she's your companion. In our our little life, we've raised four kids. We got 20 grandkids. We got three great-grandkids, and one more than July then. We've been through COVID where she was almost dying at home. I was at the hospital for 30 days, dying. I got out of the hospital that said I'd lost 80% of my muscle, and I'd probably never walk again. But my companion was there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Mm-hmm. Bathroom by itself. But my companion was there. Okay, certainly you did cut from right here all the way as far down as you can go. They pulled up my all my insides. My companion was there. I've got stage four gendy can't you.

SPEAKER_04 24:09

Don't worry, it's kind of what they call it, the rest, arrested uh policeman. But anyway, my companion was there. And the word I really want you to focus on in this verse is a wife of a company. Now, we don't understand words elegant to America. We understand the word contract. Now listen to me, contracts are built on I don't trust you, so put it in value. If you don't do what you say, this is what I'm doing to you.

unknown 24:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:57

And then we get married, and somehow we almost like it's a contrast. As long as you do this, I'll do this. If you don't do that, I won't do this. But that's not what in the Bible terms, that's not what we have. We have a covenant. That's right. I wish I had two of these. We're in covenant is what God has with us. It's it's a promise sworn to that he would rather be dead than not complete it.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

I mean he was dead to complete it. This is not part of the fancy thing, but I won't try to make sure today. But do you remember when Abraham and God were making a covenant together? And he had him cut animals and split them. That's like the weirdest passage in the box. And it's all smoky, it's all smoky, and there's these animals dead, and God tells Abraham, just go over and lay down and go to sleep. Well, that was all forming a covenant, and they're there his culture, it's how they formed a covenant. And the two of you would have to walk between the dead animals, and you would say, If I don't keep my word, do me like these animals, cut me in half and split me because I keep my word. And God said, You just laid down. I ain't expecting you to keep girls. And by the way, this is the closest thing to come to, I tell you what it'd be like. It'd be like uh watching an old Western movie, and their blood brothers, the country hanging out, they mix their blood, their blood brothers on the movies, you know. That's cut that's a covenant.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

But in uh August the 18th, 1973, I stood up and said, I I'll marry you. No money or lots of money in health or in sickness, right? Y'all remember we made that kind of problem. That's covenant promise. My wife had no idea. I mean, she'd have to do so much for me.

SPEAKER_04 26:57

I mean, she gives me shots every week for the cancer, she gives me animals every week, I mean, for better or for worse and sickness or health. See, that's a covenant. That's a covenant. A contract protects your rights, a covenant gives to the other. That's right. I mean, shouldn't they be able to look at me and say, that's it, bud? You've been sick of it. I mean, calm. This is your third round with the cancer junk. That's enough. Strike one, strike two, strike three, you're out, it's over, and we go find another man. Contracts create anxiety. Am I doing enough? Am I still meeting expectations? Covenants create security. I belong. I'm chosen.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

And but your spouse should never have to wonder if you're yet. I've been through a lot of junk. But you know who's the one person I never ever have. Wonder if she's gonna be there or not. That's cousin. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:12

And she's a wife of my youth, a companion of my youth, and she's the moment of my cousin. We made promises to each other. I didn't say I'll love you as long as you perform. God says, Well, my grace will you saved? Yeah. That's really funny. I preach it through Ephesians, right? That's really funny. In Ephesians 1 and 2, God saying over and over, you didn't do it, I did it. You didn't do it, I did it, you didn't do it, I did it, you didn't do it, I did it. Then he says, For by grace, or you say, I've always known that. That person's good. But you know what verse 10 actually says? Fact is, if you don't work to get to me, you are my workmanship. I'm the one who went and found you in the garbage, I'm the one that cleaned you up, I want to change your life. That's right. You're my workmanship. Yeah, that's a whole other mess. We love from security and not fear.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Marriage should feel like home, home, not probation, not an audition, not a review.

SPEAKER_04 29:15

Uh, it's not about being romantic, it's not about scorecards, it's not about emotional exits, it's not about conditional loyalty. It's about say if I'm in, I'm still in.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

I will make the first move. You're safe with me. Yeah, we're in a covenant. I'll give you one more word of one more verse. I said through the starting.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

And he made a covenant with us and he lives with us. He's a covenant of God. Do you know that when you backspace the last time, you're going to go wild? When you wandered out in the filthy sin, he went with you. Because when you get saved, he said, I'll never leave you no forsaken. So if you run to the far country, he's like, Where are we going? Because he never leaves you or forsaken. Can I get anybody? Yeah. You're over here getting drunk. And you're like, Man, I've got away from God. And God's like, I'm out here. I live inside of you. I don't really like what you're doing. But I love you. And I ain't leaving. Then one day you go, I think I'll go back to God. And God goes, okay, we're here. Let's go. Amen. You can't beat this God that we have. The God. It's that's why it's called the gospel, the good news, how much he loves. All right, last verse. Read Colossians 3:19. Listen to husbands, but works both ways. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Be not bitter against them. I want to ask you to kill bitterness fast. Kill bitterness fast.

SPEAKER_02 30:59

Now, bitterness doesn't need anything more than a root to stay alive. I'm a Til. I was born in Nashville, Tessie.

Pull Bitterness Up By The Root

SPEAKER_02 31:10

I was raised, you know, towns, you know, no, no, I have.

SPEAKER_04 31:14

And um on the foreign, there was this grass that's called Johnson grass. And Johnson grass looks just like corn. And I mean, this was 16 years ago. I'm not holding the garden because that daddy told me to. And I'm 12 years old, it's my time burned my little time. And I would cut down the corn because it looked like grass. And sometimes I killed the wrong one. And even when I cut down the Johnson, he came home one day. He was so mad at me. Because I cut down the Johnson grass.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

He said, now we don't know where it's at. And I said, I killed it. He said, You can't kill Johnson grass. You gotta pull it up by the root. You gotta put it out in the sun, let the sun fake it and kill it, or it'll come back.

SPEAKER_04 32:09

Well, you won't believe it, but a week or two later, I'll let your Johnson grass right back out there. Call it bitterness. You can like cover it up, make it pretty, chop it down, temporarily move the bitterness. But if you don't get rid of the root, if you don't kill the bitterness, it's won't come back, curts you from death, right? And here's the problem: the root of bitterness, Hebrews chapter 12, verse 15, springing up troubles you.

SPEAKER_02 32:45

It's rarely loud at the beginning.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

It kind of bothers me because it's what a lot of us do. You don't be old enough to understand this. It's not old and it's we just lift that rug up in the little number one watch it, and swoop the dust up on the rug. Anybody have done that? I've done that. Yeah. That's what you do with them. In fact, is y'all fight today, and y'all don't say you're sorry, and you don't get it right when we go to bed, hoping it'll be all fed of mama. But it's not okay. Because she still went to bed. And you have to let her calm down. But I I I like explaining to couples at the kind at the moment. And when you get married, you know, you know, thermometers over and down 40, 50 degrees. You know, you're not about to blow a ton. And you're warming up in gloves, but then you have a fight and you go from 40 to 80. That's good. It's okay. That's okay. The fact is it'll subside down to 60, but not 40. Then you get bad again, it goes from 60 to 100. And of course, you're not gonna say you're sorry, you're not gonna kill them because it's just gonna come back down to 90. And then one day, over enough is gonna load us hot by that long enough.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

I said we're married couple in Georgia, my first church. I'm in my twenties. They were always be my parents.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

And uh, let's start with what's the problem. I don't know what the problem is. You came to anybody coming. Don't get to help you, and you don't know, and I don't know, and nobody knows what we're gonna do here.

SPEAKER_02 34:38

And she says, I don't love him. He says, I never loved her.

SPEAKER_04 34:44

I'd say young and dumb, but you know, you probably loved each other one time for a minute, anybody, come on. But you see, what happens is when you leave it in there, it festers. Y'all know that term because that's southern term. Festery, it gets the the it's hard, it's it's a it keeps pus, keeps oozing out of it. So you gotta cue all the bitterness, the cold silence, the cold shoulder, the no intimacy. I'm not having I'm not doing that with you. Because I'm dead.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

I ain't giving that to you. It spreads. And it steals tenderness.

SPEAKER_04 35:23

The house starts getting cold. Even in Arizona, even in Utah, it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 35:30

It doesn't destroy the marriage overnight, but it does slowly drain the sweetness. You can't cherish somebody while you're quietly keeping a record of all the room. I mean, I'm I could live I could literally push you forever about this.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

You're a good crowd, though. What was such? Did you go through what they're doing about now? It was a terrorist in my ministry programs. He'd been in prison as a terrorist. He got out, and then he got saved in my church. Well, I don't make it up because I gotta make up front bad. I was and I said, uh, you don't really have to do that. Listen, he didn't save you because you're gonna make it up. He saved you because he's good. Yes, grace. And he goes, I hate God thinking about me as a terrorist. That's what he done. So I just hate God, think about me as a terrorist. I said, He doesn't. He says, What do you mean he does? I said, if you were to go and go right down first, hey, God, you never want to know the terrorists. He goes, nope, showing about the member that's all right. Hey man, I separate your sin as far as from the east from the west. So you can say, I used to be a drunkard, God's like, really? Pretty good. You realize I'm on my tenth marriage. I mean, I really messed my life up in God's life. No, I don't have to do all that. Yeah, that's right. What a God. Yeah, yes sir. He said, Austin, well, it bears good up. Why are you still remembering what happened five years ago or ten years ago? You keep short accounts. Let the sun go down on your raft. Yeah. Fix it today. Fix it today. Don't let a wound turn into a weapon.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

You won't be good. How do you live and get how could I I've said things, I've not done things like I should.

SPEAKER_04 37:26

But the scorecards, which carries a storage, covenant sells it. Covenant sells it. So you practice forgiveness like fresh starts. It does it forgiving doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. It doesn't mean that it didn't matter. It doesn't mean that it didn't cost you. It simply means I choose not to keep that on the file.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

That's my man.

SPEAKER_04 37:50

I'm gonna ask you all to do this. Okay, here we are. You want my story. And uh I went to I mentioned college. I was uh I finished one year of college before we got married. And all the guys came back in from site and did it, and I was living in my little apartment. Well, I've been there about a week. And I mean, we were old. I think I

The Night I Never Came Home

SPEAKER_04 38:20

was 19 when she was 19. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? I thought I'll talk about either. I'm talking about a lot of titles. So one night all the guys were studying at the dome, and they decided they wanted me to come study to them. I used to be here before. So I went to study, I get to the dorm, and we studied a game, maybe an hour or two. Then it got to be coursing around and playing and doing what 19-year-old single boys did. Now, I mean I ain't talking about seeing, I just do. And time came and went, and there were no cell phones, there were no papers. And uh about five or six o'clock in the morning, the sun's coming up, my friend's gotten even home. I mean, she's uh she's called the hospital, she's called the police, she's called How we Patrol, she's called everybody, she keep finding me. And uh, I said, I'm gonna do that again. I mean, I never even thought about it. I didn't, I didn't always do that still like that. I suppose we were understood something. But I was I wouldn't keep on that all that stuff. Um so let's take some of that to heart and let's put it in practice. Father, I love you, and I thank you for wonderful people. I thank you for the chance you've given me to talk to them, and I'll pray your name and glorified, magnifying, and I'll pray you this and hang on.

SPEAKER_02 39:50

That's none of that.

Final Challenge And Prayer

SPEAKER_02 40:08

I really could say.