Why Human Love Fails (And How to Live from God’s Fullness)

Have you ever been surrounded by people and still felt completely alone? Have you ever been loved by others, yet still felt unlovable?

In this deep-dive session, Austin Gardner (50+ years of pastoral experience) tackles the root cause of why marriages, friendships, and even our relationship with God can feel so unstable. The problem isn’t a lack of effort—it’s a misunderstanding of what Love actually is.

The "Empty Cup" vs. The "Fountain"
Most human love is transactional: "I love you if you make me feel secure." We enter relationships like empty cups, begging others to fill us. When they stop, we pull away. But Austin explains that God doesn’t have love—God IS love. His love is a fountain that overflows regardless of our performance.

In this video, you will learn:

• Son vs. Servant: Why serving God out of duty leads to burnout, while serving as a son leads to life.
• The "Lack" Paradigm: How living from a place of "I’m not okay" ruins your peace and your relationships.
• The Sun and the Clouds: Why your feelings about God’s love are like shifting clouds, while His love remains as constant as the sun.
• Love without Withdrawal: How Jesus’ encounters with Zacchaeus and the adulterous woman prove that love comes before transformation, not after.

Stop trying to manufacture love through your own strength. The fruit of the Spirit is love, which means it is HIS life living through you.

Key Scriptures:

• 1 John 4:8 (God is Love)
• Romans 5:6-8 (Loved while we were yet sinners)
• Romans 8:15 (The Spirit of Adoption)
• Galatians 5:22 (Fruit of the Spirit)

Connect with Austin:
🌍 Website: https://waustingardner.com

#AustinGardner #GodsLove #IdentityInChrist #Grace #ChristianRelationships #BiblicalTeaching #MarriageAdvice #SpiritualGrowth

Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

Transcript

Why We Feel Unloved

Austin Gardner 0:27

I think a lot about how do we know we're loved? It's a hard thing to accept, to be honest, because we don't understand love. And so I just want to chat with you today about our love that we ought to have because we understand how God loved us. It has to do with our identity. We're not his servants, we're his sons. We will serve, but we serve out of being a son, not out of being a servant. And we live a life full of God and love and the Holy Spirit. So let me ask you something and seriously think about it with me. Why is it that you can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone? Why is it you can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone? Why is it that you can be loved and still not feel loved? Why is it that relationships can start strong and they slowly fall apart? I think the answer is this. We don't understand love. We use the word all the time, but we rarely stop and ask, what is love really? And maybe even more is the way we experience love. Is the way I experience love the same way God loves? Is the love that I'm used to in society and with my family? Is that like God's love? Or are they two totally different things? Because they are different things. That changes everything. It's hard to understand God's love because we haven't experienced it from other people and we don't love like that. Because it's so radically different. I think you're going to enjoy this. I think it's going to help you. So let's start with what we think of as love. When we talk about love, when we use the word love, most of us mean I love you because I feel something. I love you because I feel something. I love you because you make me happy. I love you because you meet one of my needs. I love you for that reason. And that's not wrong. It's human. But here's what's underneath that. There's usually the quiet belief, I need I need something to be okay. Imagine you're a cup, and inside you feel empty. You go into a relationship thinking, feel me, make me feel secure, make me feel whole. And when somebody does that, you feel love. But when they stop, you feel distance. And sometimes you walk away. That's why we love. That's why love can feel so unstable. We can be so insecure. Because it's built on feelings and responses and experiences. And the Bible, there's gonna be a different kind of love explained. The Bible speaks to that. It says each man is tempted when he is lured into sin, his own desires. James chapter 1, verses 14 and 15. And that desire conceives and brings forth death. Desire in itself is an evil, but it can really ruin our lives. It's not meant to be what leads our lives. But love that humans feel is often a kind of a little bit of a selfish love. It's not a complete giving love. And that's why we can fall out of love. So if that's how we love, how does God love? How does God love? It's so totally different than us. And we use the words so incorrectly. The Bible doesn't say God has love. I think that's the first thing that we all need to consider. The Bible doesn't say that God has love. It says God is love. 1 John 4, 8. That means love is not something he turns on and off like a human being might. It's who he is. And then it says, in this is love that hearing that God first loved us. We love him because he first loved us. So love didn't start with you. God initiated it. And then this God showed his love, manifest his love toward us, and then while we were yet sinners, still sinners, Christ died for us. In other words, he loved us when we were unlovely. He didn't wait for us to fix ourselves to love us. He loved us while we were still broken. Fact is in Romans 5.6, it basically says we were weak and unable, but we were also ungodly. And it's not the Lord that changes. See, he says in Malachi 3.6, I the Lord, and I do not change. Well, his love doesn't fluctuate, doesn't react, doesn't pull away. It remains constant. And you and I both know that's not what we're used to. That's not what we think of. If human love is a cup, God's love is like a fountain. It doesn't need to be filled, it overflows. So God is loving us. It's so hard to accept that God loves us because I know that if I'm not careful, my friend will be mad at me and won't love me. I can lose my marriage, I can lose my relationship with my children. You gotta be careful, watch what you say, because that's how we love. This is where everything starts to connect. You see, there are only two ways to live. You can live from a lack, or you can live from fullness. And when you say lack, it's like this uh something's missing. I need reassurance. I'm unsettled, I react quickly, I replay things in my head, and underneath all of that is I'm not okay unless something makes me okay. And most of us don't even realize it. We but that's how we live. It just feels normal. You understand that the love that we tend to have is if they answer the phone, if they meet our needs, if they listen to us, if they make us feel important. Living for fullness is this: you have been filled by Him, by Him. You are complete in Christ, complete, full in Christ. Not someday, now. And we're not even alive now. It's not us. We have been crucified with Christ, and we're not alive, but we are alive, and it's Christ in us that's living. So our life comes not from our circumstances, but from Him. It's like having an unlimited bank account, but living like you're broke. It's like that. So when we live in fullness, it's when we realize I already have all that I need. And, you know, God loves us unconditionally all the time. So what is it? We all know that. Every one of us would be able to say, I understand that, I believe that, I apply, yes, yes, all that's true about God's love. Then why don't we feel it? Why do we think I'm loved when I do the right thing? I'm loved when I do well, I'm loved when I go to church, read my Bible, and tithe, and don't look at porn. That's when I'm loved. But by grace are you saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, not of works, lest any man should boast. We live basically in shame. We think something is wrong with me. But the Bible says in Romans 8:1, there's therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus. We live in fear. We live in fear. Um we think I might lose his love. That's how it is with humans. You need to be real careful because we've all lost the love of people that we think we have. But perfect love casts out fear, 1 John 4.18. And we are not loving like a slave loves, you know, a slave. They need to make sure to keep the relationship. We love like a son, Romans chapter 8 and verse 15. God's love is like the sun, and your feelings are like the clouds. The clouds move, the sun doesn't. God loves us. Now we're gonna learn that. We do know that because of Jesus. Let's look at him. He's just totally unlike anything or anybody you've ever met. He met an adulterous woman, she had been taken in the very act of sin, and Jesus said, Neither do I condemn thee, go and sin no more. No condemnation while there's still truth. That's not what we're used to. Usually, if you mess up, if you do the wrong thing, then you're not gonna be loved. Zacchaeus said, tax collector, really a bad guy, and in society a pretty rough guy, but Jesus loved him. And Jesus said, I got to be at your house today. I got to go to your house. See, love comes first when we talk about God, and transformation is what follows. We don't understand this, it's so different, but at the cross, Jesus showed us, he said, Father, forgive them. That's not emotional love. That's source-based love. That's love that comes from the Father. So the definition of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13. And love is patient and kind, and it's got good manners, and it doesn't insist on its own way, and it endures all things and bears all things and hopes all things. But we live in the day of cancel culture. One day they can be your friend and love you, and the next day they, if you fail, I will remove you. Jesus says, if you fail, I'll move towards you. But that doesn't mean that there's no boundaries. It just means that love without withdrawal, truth without rejection, he is not going to turn on you. He's never turned on you. And it doesn't matter how many times you mess up, he won't turn on you. Jesus says, love one another as I have loved you. And it's supposed to be the mark of the church that we would love. Here's the key: you are not the source of this love. The fruit of the Spirit is love. It's the Spirit, Galatians 5.232. It is God loving in us. It's God working in us, Philippians 2.13. So it's not try harder, it's live from what you already have. Jesus says, abide in me. For apart from me you can do nothing, John 15. And he says, I'll never leave you and I'll never forsake you, and nothing can separate you from the love of God. So here's the truth. You're not trying to become loved, you already are. And that's from the that from that place, you don't have to strive, perform, or react. You can live differently, you can love differently because you are now living from someone that has no lack. You're living from fullness. And the more you learn to live from that place, the more you realize love isn't something you're trying to produce, it's someone you're learning to live from. I started all by a little study and looking up things on this because I realized we don't know how to love. That's why our families fall apart, that's why our friendships fall apart. We don't know how to love. We think love is uh the constant encouragement. Uh marriages fall apart at 20 and 30 years, 40 years. But you're a born-again believer and you're listening, and I want you to hear this. Love is not based on a feeling, it's God is love. And you can't love like this till you let Him live in you and produce this love in you. So I challenge you. Think about love a little bit. Think about how much of our love is a selfish love. I love you if you love me. I'll do for you if you'll do for me. You pull away, I'll pull away. You quit loving, I'll quit loving. Is that how we live? Is that how society is? Is that how you want to be? I can't help you. Only the Holy Spirit can. But he lives in you, and he is going to help you. I want to thank you for listening. I love you. I'm trying my best to love, try my best, but it's not about trying my best, Austin. It's about allowing Jesus to. And you know what? And he loves you. He loves you right now, right where you are, no matter who you are, no matter what you've been through, no matter what you're going through, no matter how many times you failed, he loves you. And he will never quit loving you, for God is love. Thank you, and God bless you so much.