Shifting Your Focus to Serve Others: Fighting Child Trafficking with Stephen Underwood

Shifting your focus to serve others is the most powerful way to break free from the trap of self-pity and find the "mercy that follows you." In this final installment of our five-day series, I sit down with Stephen Underwood of the Black Flag Innocence Foundation to discuss how a life centered on others: specifically the protection of the most vulnerable: changes your perspective and your purpose.

When we are consumed by our own insecurities, we often miss the vital work God is doing around us. By shifting your focus to serve others, you begin to see that your own problems aren't nearly as big as you once thought. Stephen shares his journey from a "dead dream" of traditional missions to a new, urgent calling: fighting the grooming and trafficking of children in our modern world.

The Silent War for Our Children

We live in a time where the threats to our children have moved from the baseball field to the screens in their pockets. Stephen warns that children as young as six are being exposed to things that lead down a dark path toward exploitation. As Christians, we must move past self-absorption and become vigilant protectors. This isn't just about awareness; it's about the Gospel meeting where the rubber meets the road to rescue those who cannot rescue themselves.

Biblical Foundation for Service

The Word of God is clear that our lives find meaning when we look outward.

• Philippians 2:4 — "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."
• Galatians 6:2 — "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ."

Key Takeaways from the Conversation:

• The Pit of Self-Absorption: Why thinking only of yourself leads to a deeper emotional pit.
• The Black Flag Mission: How Stephen and his team are confronting grooming and child exploitation.
• Vigilance as Ministry: Learning to recognize the signs of grooming and intervening before a life is destroyed.
• Mercy in Action: Understanding that mercy follows us when we are busy helping someone else.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

1. How do I stop feeling self-pity?
The fastest way to overcome self-pity is by shifting your focus to serve others. When you get busy meeting someone else’s needs, your own problems find their proper, smaller place in God's grand design.

2. What is the Black Flag Innocence Foundation?
It is an organization led by Stephen Underwood dedicated to fighting child trafficking and grooming through awareness, education, and intervention.

3. What can parents do about online grooming?
Vigilance is key. Understand that predators use online platforms to entrap children. Be aware of what your children are seeing and who they are talking to.

4. Is it ever too late to find a new purpose?
Never. Stephen’s original dream of being a missionary changed, but God gave him a new one. Your past pain or "dead dreams" can be the foundation for a new mission of mercy.

Connect with us:
For more resources on leadership, grace, and finding your purpose, visit my home on the web:
👉 waustingardner.com

Learn more about Alignment Ministries and our coaching programs:

• Ministry Leadership Coaching
• Followed by Mercy Podcast

God bless you, and remember: Mercy is following you today!

Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

Transcript

Helping Others Helps You

Austin Gardner 0:26

I'm glad to have you back with us today. We are ending five days in a row of some of the most wonderful discussions possible. We are talking about followed by mercy, but we're talking about others. I'm not trying to encourage you today. I'm not trying to help you. I'm trying to get you to help others. And I know that will help you. Because when we get outside of ourselves and get into others, it helps us. Uh Stephen, uh maybe this will be a little touchy, but have you ever drawn up inside yourself and seen how it hurt you? And how if you and then turned it around and thought about others and saw how it helped you. Is there a story you could tell there?

Stephan Underwood 1:13

Yeah, uh more stories than I I care to admit. I'm very it's very easy for me to become my own worst enemy, fight insecurities. It's very easy for me to wallow in my self-pity and doubt myself. It's not until when I find myself in that place, it's it's not until I start focusing on others and their real problems that I realize that my problems aren't really that big in comparison. As we stated in the first episode of the podcast, since the time I was 15 years old, it was my dream to be a missionary. And uh I got to live that dream for about 10 years, not going into details and and whatnot, but I was responsible for seeing that dream die. But over the last several months, God has given me a new dream and given me a new opportunity to be involved in the Black Flag Innocence Foundation. And we exist because we're not trying to serve ourselves, we're not trying to make millions of dollars and a name for ourselves or anything like that. We exist because we're trying to fight for those who can't fight for themselves. We exist because we're trying to invest and focus our energy on helping those in need. And it's amazing that when we take that focus off of our own problems and we focus that energy and that time and effort into fighting battles that other people can't fight for themselves, it it gives you a new sense of purpose. Even though I'm not a missionary anymore and I'm not living in Argentina, and I'm not a church planner, it doesn't mean that God is through with his purpose for me. I still have an opportunity and a needed opportunity right now to help fight a battle that I wasn't even aware of six months ago. If we can just be here to encourage and draw awareness to the reality that this problem exists and it moves someone to action, then this is all worth it. It's one thing for us to gain a headful of knowledge, but until we make the decision that we're going to do something with the knowledge that we have, then it really means nothing. And so I have this knowledge now. I'm just trying to see how the Lord wants me to use that to help others.

Grooming Starts Shockingly Young

Austin Gardner 3:33

Let's be honest. All the time we spend thinking about ourselves only sends us down deeper, deeper, deeper into the pit. And and here's the honest truth. Now, I I don't want to hurt your feelings, but most of us like to think about ourselves. It is stated that we we think six to seven thousand thoughts a day. Six or seven new thoughts hit your mind every minute. And at least two-thirds or three-quarters of them are negative. But when you get so busy thinking about other people and helping them, you don't need mercy to follow you because now you know it is following you and you're helping others. And that's what Stephen is saying. If he or I, boy, I've done I've been in the pit, things went wrong in my life, and people are hurting me, and all my world became all about me. And all that'll do is send you deeper, deeper, deeper into the pit. But when you wake up and realize, Stephen, there are children. What's the youngest age they get trafficked?

Stephan Underwood 4:36

Well, I mean, statistically, we've already stated that around the age of six, people are children are being exposed to pornography. That's one of the first steps in trafficking. That's one of the first things that predators use to entrap your children. And so the age of six, they're being exposed to it. It's a grooming process that they use. Let's get them addicted to something from a young age so that we can basically mentor them, get them to obey us, get them to do what we want them to do so that we can exploit them. It's unfathomable that our children these days are being exposed to that sort of stuff when, you know, just 20, 30 years ago when I was a kid, that, you know, I was worried about what I was going to do over the weekend with my friends. I was worried about normal stuff. I was worried about the baseball game. I was worried about the football game. Now we're having to worry for our children about what they're being exposed to online. You were talking about looking at others and and um and focusing on on their issues. It was just yesterday. Ashley and I were coming back from the gym and there was a man and woman couple that were obviously homeless. They had a shopping cart and they were sta uh staged at um at a at a corner and they had blankets and everything in their shopping cart. My whole outlook on life in general was completely changed because it's I'm sitting there thinking, I wonder at what stage in their life that they it was the breaking point for them to wind up where they are today. And I wonder I wonder if they just had someone that would step in and offer a hand, offer a word of encouragement, if that couldn't have been prevented. Wonderful. So, you know, when I see when I see people that obviously have a a a rough go of it out in public, it's not no longer I need to keep my eyes straight at the red light because I don't want to engage in them. I don't want them to ask for me for money. It's the thought is what brought them to that point in place to where they have to do that. And could there have been something, someone, that could have helped prevent that?

Austin Gardner 7:08

We look at them and we criticize them. I can't believe you. I can't believe you. Okay, now it we're we're talking about helping victims of child. Not just, I think we want to make this clear it's not just that they're being kidnapped. Right. Because we don't want it to get that far. Could you kind of bring them? I think everybody we we tend to think, well, how does this work?

Stephan Underwood 7:40

You you see what I'm saying? Well, you know, there's another aspect to it. It's all a grooming process. And uh, I used to be real critical of people that that's all they talked about was grooming, and they thought everybody was trying to groom their kids and all of this. I still don't believe that everybody that is out there that offers a kind word to your kid is trying to groom them for anything that would be explicit. I do think that we need to be aware of the possibility. I do think that we need to uh be guarded, we need to be vigilant. But I wonder how many of these predators that are out there that they were groomed at some point, that they were exposed to it at a young age, and instead of becoming victims, they went the other route and became the predator. And if somebody simply took the time and effort into engaging with them, if their life couldn't have taken a drastic turn, and they could have been, you know, contributing members to society, they could have been stand-up citizens, they could have been, you know, whatever, instead of becoming the predator that they became. And I think we miss a lot of those opportunities because we're so self-absorbed, we're so worried about ourselves, we're so worried about, you know, where our next dollar is going to come from. And really, we become very selfish. Um I like to think that I'm pretty sacrificial, that I'm pretty generous. But is there room that I could, maybe not on a financial level, but could I sacrifice a little bit more of my time just to engage with somebody that might be in need? Could I take 30 seconds to a minute out of my day to send a text to somebody that's going through something and say, I'm here if you need me? And we don't realize the power and the impact that that can have on somebody because we don't know what other people are dealing with. If I know you know, but if I broadcasted it to the world while we're no longer missionaries, and that's all I focus on, it doesn't take long at all for me to be depressed, to want to lay in the bed, not talk to anybody, not do anything. It doesn't take me very long at all to be so self-absorbed that that's all I think about. Yep. But when I start focusing on the needs of others and those possibilities of what a simple word of encouragement could do in their life, it makes me get out of my own mind and simply take the opportunities that are presented to us to potentially be used of God in that capacity. Don't know, I would venture to say that in my lifetime, I'm 41 years old, almost 42. I'd venture to say that on my lifetime I've missed more opportunities than I've taken. And my mindset has changed now to where it's like of those missed opportunities, what could have been the end result? You know, I talked about Caleb Massey, and he was one of my best friends that committed suicide almost two years ago after dealing and struggling with PTSD. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder, in the 15 years of silence that I didn't talk to him, what might have a text message have done in his life? What could a phone call have done to impact his life? And so I have a personal responsibility now to where if I have that opportunity and it's presented to me, that that's a dis that's a conscious decision that I make whether I'm going to ignore it because I think I'm too busy or I'm too focused on myself, or if I'm going to take advantage of it and just provide a simple word of encouragement to somebody in need.

Why Laws And Voting Matter

Austin Gardner 11:43

Amen. All right, back to our subject here. What's the biggest challenge in stopping trafficking networks?

Stephan Underwood 11:53

It would definitely be the legislation at every level. Unfortunately, because of red tape and laws that either exist or don't exist, it limits our abilities to see these guys brought to justice and and prosecute them. So it it's at every level of our society. It's the way that you vote as an individual. It's the type of person that you stand behind and promote. If you even get out and vote, I know a lot of people, and we've already stated it, they don't think that their voice matters. They don't think that their vote matters, so they just stay at home. But all that does is it provides an opportunity for those that are not going to do anything about it, that they're going to turn a blind eye to it. It gives them an opportunity to fill those leadership roles within our society. And these guys are walking out of jail and able to engage with even more. And so until the full force of the law is brought down and consequences are faced, that starts at the legislative level. And so that's why we're not just about kicking indoors and putting guys in handcuffs, but we're about lobbying to see some of these laws and legislations written to protect these innocent victims and to to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law the people who are the predators. When did this problem out there become personal for you? I think from day one of being introduced to the team, it became personal. I saw the passion, I saw their heart behind it. I'm I'm naturally I'm a skeptic. And so I just started researching a little bit of what they were talking about on my own, and it blew me away of the reality that this really exists. Uh I have three sons of my own. I always wanted a daughter. I never had a daughter, but I always wanted a daughter. But now I'm sitting there and I'm being, I'm, I'm learning all the statistics and I'm seeing the reality of the issue of child sex trafficking. And I'm kind of thankful that I'm I don't have a daughter because 70 or excuse me, 80% of the victims of sex trafficking are women and young female children. And I could imagine there's not much I wouldn't do for my boys, but I would burn the world down for my daughter. And so it became personal when I started researching it and seeing the statistics. And more than statistics, we have to put faces to those numbers. We have to put names to those faces. It's not going to become personal to us until we realize that they're real people. And those are real lives, and they're real souls. And at any point in time, that soul is going to end up in one of two places in eternity. And I would just hate to think that I spent my life searching for pleasure and fun, and I missed all the opportunities that I have to make a difference, not only in this lifetime, but the next.

Austin Gardner 15:21

I have two daughters, and I have uh, I don't know, a bunch of granddaughters and great-granddaughters now, and even my granddaughter is having a grandson now. And all I can say is there is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids, and I love them, and I would fight for them, and I understand that. But you are kind of in the macho man muscle, guns, and all that. So, what has kept you and the other people on your team from being hardened?

Stephan Underwood 15:57

That's uh that's a good question. Well, let's just be honest.

Austin Gardner 16:04

Macho man softness. We don't think like that.

Stephan Underwood 16:10

Well, there's a there's there's a difference in being a macho man and just being well trained. Um a macho man is all about his self-image and being, you know, the hero of his own story. Being well trained is different because the purpose of our training, the purpose of the experiences that we have is to help people that can't help themselves. And so, yeah, uh I go to the gym and work out. I'm strong, I'm halfway fit for a 41-year-old, almost 42. I do have guns, I'm very proficient with them. I have a a skill set that the average person might not have, but it's not to it's it's not to to promote my self-image or my ego. Take those opportunities to train so that I can stand as a as a sheepdog for those who can't fight for themselves. I do take my fitness and diet seriously, partially because I want to be healthy. As I already said, my dad died at 54 years of age. He was not extremely overweight, but he never took care of himself. He was a drinker. He was always stressed at work. The selfish side of that would be that, you know, I want to live long enough to see my kids have kids. I want to live long enough to enjoy my grandkids. Maybe I'll get a granddaughter since I didn't ever have a daughter. Amen. But so there there's a little bit of that that would be self-serving. But the reality is that I want to stand ready at a moment's notice that when the Lord calls me to battle, like he did Gideon, that I can be ready to do whatever it is that he's asking me to do. Whether that's kicking in a door or whether that's just sitting down with someone, praying with them and sharing with them who Jesus is.

Austin Gardner 18:15

Maybe uh most people that would be trafficked are broken in some way. Is that a fair statement?

Stephan Underwood 18:22

Well, absolutely. Uh most of them would come from broken homes, a single parent family. Most would not would would have an absent father, not have any sort of real mentorship or guidance in their life.

Austin Gardner 18:32

Maybe you'd be a broken child. Absolutely.

Stephan Underwood 18:35

Nobody wakes up in one day and decides, hey, I'm gonna fall into this lifestyle or I'm gonna prostitute myself out.

Austin Gardner 18:43

Well, y'all mentioned earlier, Elisa, I think was talking about they're disheveled. Uh you want to remind people that these people that get trafficked, what what are they like?

Stephan Underwood 18:54

Yeah, so I mean, they're already broken. They're already at a at a low self-esteem, they're already at a low point in their life. They're not going to look like they're well groomed and kept. They're going to have some sort of trauma in their life that has depleted them as a person and having any sort of self-worth. And because they're already in that vulnerable state, it's just so much easier for them to be a taken advantage of. I first got back from Argentina and this and and and went to Caleb's funeral after he committed suicide. I started trying to search out and seek veterans that are dealing with that. And I was working in downtown Chattanooga, and it was like every other day you would see a guy on the street corner holding a sign that says, veteran, you know, give me money. And I'm sitting there thinking, at that at that time, I know that the VA exists and can help provide benefits. I know that there's other resources and programs out there that can help. And so my mindset was, why aren't you taking advantage of these resources that that exist so that you don't have to be out here on the street corner? But then I start, as I, as I learned and began studying and obtaining that knowledge, a lot of them have gone through so much trauma and hurt that it's not that they don't want to, it's that they mentally can't. They don't have that capacity to help themselves at that point in time. And so if I could just take a few minutes out of my day and say, look, hey, won't you let me buy you a hamburger and you and let's sit and talk for a minute? And then I then that opens the door for me to be able to put the resources in front of them to say, do you know that these things exist? Now, a lot of them, if we're just real honest, they're there because they choose to be there. They got addicted to drugs, they got addicted to alcohol, they got addicted to whatever substance that they're on, and they only exist to feed that. But they didn't wake up one day and decide, hey, I think I want to be a heroin addict today. It started somewhere. And if we can be there on the early stages of that to give them an alternative, to give them another option, then it may change where they wind up. And especially with these victims of sex trafficking, if we start to see those warning signs early on and we make the conscious effort and decision that we're going to engage that person, then we might be able to save them a lifetime of heartache and trauma.

How To Support The Mission

Austin Gardner 21:37

Well, people are broken and God loves them, and they are followed by mercy, and so we need to get involved and see what we can do to help them. So, Steve, people that are listening and feel a little bit stirred right now, what do they need to do to get involved?

Stephan Underwood 21:54

Uh first step I would say is go to uh our website. You can go to blackflaginternternational.com and there's links to our website that will take you to bfi-innocence.com. And uh let me just read off it's bfi-foundation.org. O-R-G. BFI-foundation.org is our nonprofit website. And you can go there and read some statistics. You can see how to get involved. But my plea to you as a listener right now is you have a team of guys that are already. Working to try to fight this battle for you. But we need your help. Just like the infantry soldier has a support system that's not boots on the ground, we need a support system behind us that gives us the resources that we need to accomplish the mission. The mechanic that works on our diesel Humvees is just as important to accomplishing the mission as the guy who pulls the trigger and sends rounds downrange. So just because I'm asking you to financially be a part of it and give to help support us doesn't mean that your value is any less than what ours is that we're fighting and kicking in the doors and seeing these investigations and and and these um operations take place. Your role often is more important than my role because without you, I have no opportunity to do what I'm doing. So we we do need financial support, we need financial help, we need monthly subscribers and contributors, we need donors that are going to give to special projects. We have $20 right now in our nonprofit account. Every single one of us on the team has already come out of pocket. We're already invested, we already have skin in the game to help fund what we're doing. Now, I'm not just saying this to say it. I believe this with all of my heart. And if you watch long enough, I think that you'll see it. If I had to do this for free, I would. I'll take it a step further. If I had to pay someone to allow me to be a part of this, I would. That's how much I believe in what we're doing.

Austin Gardner 24:27

How about churches and community? How do they get involved?

Stephan Underwood 24:30

They can get involved the same way. We have a plan in place to be able to solicit and ask churches for just an opportunity for us to come in and present what Black Flag is doing, for us to offer courses, uh, um, for us to offer expos to present who we are and what we do and how they can be involved. So churches, ministries, other organizations that are interested in being involved, we're willing to come to where you are, talk to you about the warning signs, talk to you about how to engage with these people, talk to you about how to be vigilant with your own family, how you can take steps to prepare to protect your own family, and to give you the resources to turn to if you come in contact with somebody that's that's already in that enslavement. And that's really what it is it's enslavement. We can talk about the bad decisions that people have made to wind up where they are, but if we're real honest, we've all made some pretty bad decisions. And if it wasn't for the intervention of someone in our life that was a voice of reason, a voice of concern and care, it could have been us. It very just it just as easily could have been me holding the sign on the street corner asking for a dollar as it is that next guy. The difference is that I had somebody that cared enough about me to see me where I was at that time and offer to just be a friend.

Austin Gardner 26:15

If you're listening right now, you can make a difference. So you are an integral, important part of this equation. Uh to be blunt honest with you, the black flag people are heroes. But you are as much a hero when you get involved giving and praying and talking to the political leaders and sharing what's going on. When you tell other people about black flag, you will make a difference. And so I want to challenge you. You've been listening now five days. We've talked about this five times. You can make a difference. So I hope you'll do that. Stephen, last question for today. It's your last chance today to tell somebody how important this is. What do you want to say?

Stephan Underwood 27:12

I just want to say take just a moment and imagine that this is your child, this is your grandchild. We already know that they've been exposed to things that they shouldn't be. We can go ahead and take that off the table. Your child knows more about sex than you want to admit. Your child knows more about pornography than you want to admit. I don't care how guard how much you've guarded them and protected them, they know more than what you believe. So, knowing that, I want to ask you to put yourself in the place of the parent or the grandparent that their child is being a victim of the evil that is going on in our world today. And ask yourself, what is it that I would not do to rescue my own child? And if we are real honest about that, then maybe we could give up a small sacrifice to help other children that are in that situation. If there's not anything in this world that we wouldn't do, I would literally burn the world down for my children. If my sons were involved in that and they were enslaved in that, there's not anything, there's no length that I would not go to try to do everything within my physical ability to help them. So maybe it's not so far-fetched that I skip going out to eat one week, and I take the money that I would have spent at the restaurant and I put it back into Black Flag Innocence Foundation. And that alone is going to make a world of difference.

Austin Gardner 29:07

I hope that you will get involved. This is followed by mercy. And the whole point of everything I try to say is surely goodness and mercy do follow us all the days of our life. And I try to tell you that mercy is pursuing you because God is love and he loves you. And he loves all those children. I want you to imagine those children alone crying in a corner, huddled together, drawn up inside themselves, and there's no one there, but God loves them. He cares about them. And here is your opportunity to rescue them. Here is your opportunity to stop it before it begins, because we'll catch that predator. Here is your opportunity to be involved in making a difference. That is mercy following how God bursts it in us to want to make a difference. So I want to thank you for listening. I want to ask you to share this with other people and help us make a difference that reaches out and touches the world. Thank you, Stephen, so much for being here today. Thank you for all you've done. Thank you all for what you're doing. We are very excited and blessed to have you. God bless you.