Episode #7: When We Allow our Shame Stories to Become Our Success Stories

In this episode, Lindsay Oehmen shares her journey in network marketing and how it evolved from a selfish pursuit to a passion for impacting others. She has a passion for leading and impacting women and has developed a step-by-step framework to help women step into their potential. Lindsay shares her personal experiences and limiting beliefs, including the impact of trauma and abuse on her education and self-worth. She talks about her desire to be a high-powered businesswoman and her shift in priorities after becoming a mother. Lindsay also discusses her involvement in direct sales and how it has allowed her to make an income while being a stay-at-home mom. Lindsay now has a passion for leading and coaching women to overcome shame, self-doubt, and fear and step into their full potential and purpose in business and in life.

Connect with Lindsay on Instagram @MindfulMomHolistics
Email Lindsay@MinfulMomHolistics to submit your story to be on Doubt to FULL OUT
 

Transcript

Lindsay Oehmen (00:00.354)
Hello and welcome to today's episode. Today, I thought I would share with you my professional story, my entrepreneurial journey. I, of course, am gonna be sharing with you and have shared with you lots of my personal past, but I also wanna share with you my professional past as well. Throughout this podcast, you're gonna hear me talk about limiting beliefs, my personal limiting beliefs and my professional limiting beliefs. I mean, I...

They obviously cross over. But you will definitely hear me speak on some very vulnerable subjects in my personal life with my marriage and my children, because I am committed with this podcast to not only help you professionally and help you succeed more in your career, but also in your relationships, because I definitely believe personal and professional growth go hand in hand. And so today, I'm going to be sharing with you

a lot about, you know, my limiting belief that was really, I mean, it was formed in childhood, but it was reinforced and strengthened through my teenage years. So I'm just going to dive in and share with you why and how. So if you know my story, you know that I did grow up in a very abusive home with a very abusive alcoholic stepfather who used to say,

children are to be seen and not heard. You, I mean, literally would point right at me, look at me in a very, you know, strong tone. And you were to be seen and not heard. Like do not open your mouth. You were just here to do the chores. You were here to clean the kitchen. You were here to do all the things. You don't have a voice. Your voice is not important. Your voice does not matter. Do not share your sadness. Do not share your happiness. Like you were to be seen and not heard. And I was told that.

over and over and over and over and over and over and over every day of my life for more than a decade. So also, if you know my story, you know that I left that home at the age of 16. And unfortunately, due to my trauma and abuse, I did not finish high school. I did get my GED and I share more about this on another episode, but I did get my GED and I was accepted to

Lindsay Oehmen (02:22.626)
a couple of colleges I applied in the Northeast. I wanted to get far away from my hometown. So I applied to some colleges in the Northeast and I was accepted to UMass Boston and I was accepted to FIT in New York City. And I actually share a really funny story about how I got my first job in New York City on my blog. So you'll have to go look that up because it was really funny. So my professional life began. So obviously I left home. I was a waitress. I was a bartender.

I worked in retail. I, you know, sometimes would hold two jobs at a time. And when I was accepted into college, when I was in New York, I got my very first professional job. And it was a train job, y 'all. It was at a, it was a showroom on 34th Street. It was a children's, high -end children's showroom. So we repped high -end designers and...

buyers from Bloomingdale's and Nordstrom and boutiques would come to our showroom. They would make appointments. They would come to our showroom and we would rep and show the lines from these designers. Again, I'll tell the story of how I got that job is on my blog. So I have to go check it out. But of course, there's a little bit to my personal life that comes into my professional life that weaves in and...

My personal life is the reason I left that job in New York for my now husband. I moved to Florida to be with him. And so when I moved to Florida, dropped out of FIT. Again, no formal education, no degree. So I was again, waitressing, bartending, working in retail. And...

One day I was like, you know what? I don't want to do this anymore. Like I want to work nine to five, which is ironic for a high school and college dropout. But I always wanted a career. Like it, you know, back to my personal growing up as a child, like I never, ever, ever wanted to get married. I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to have kids growing at the growing up in the home that I grew up in and the way that I grew up with the father figure that I grew up in and watching him control my mom. I was like, no way, no way, never, ever.

Lindsay Oehmen (04:43.522)
Will I ever be controlled like that? I'm never getting married. I'm going to be this incredible high powered professional wearing business suits, carrying a briefcase in New York City. Again, very ironic for a high school and college dropout. So living in Sarasota, Florida at the time, two decades ago, I began, I created a resume, which was pathetic, but I created a resume and I went and knocked on doors, you guys. I went and knocked on...

law firm's doors. I don't know why I had it in my head that I was gonna go, well, I do know why. I wanted to be a lawyer. When I went to UMass Boston, I studied political science for the very brief time that I was there and I wanted to be an attorney because again, high powered career, like that's what I was gonna be. So I went to knock on attorney's doors in Sarasota, Florida and I literally knocked on door after door after door, handed my resume,

Literally just asking for an entry -level position. Like let me just answer your phones. Let me make coffee Let me take out the trash like let me do whatever I can do to just gain some experience Like maybe I can learn by osmosis. I can learn by hearing I really didn't have a plan. I was so young I was 20 ish and I just wanted to begin something professional and get out of you know retail and and food service so

There was this wonderful man who knocked on the door and this was about 4 .55 PM in the afternoon after me doing this for like two or three straight days. And I knocked on the door, you know, went into the law firm and told the woman I was there to get a job. And she's like, thank you so much. You know, we're not hiring. And I believe she maybe asked me one or two questions. And I said, I'd love to leave my resume here with you if anything changes. And there was a male voice from the back corner office who called the woman.

back to speak with him and she came back to me and she said, Mr. Partridge would like to see you. And I was like, what? I think I was as dumbfounded as she was. She was like, wait, what? We're not hiring. Why are you, why are you wanna see this girl? So I go back into the back office and we had a conversation and turns out he was looking for, you know, someone to kind of, he was transitioning some of the people in the office. And anyway, he hired me to do exactly that. Answer phones.

Lindsay Oehmen (06:59.202)
And I'm so forever grateful for that first opportunity because that turned into more and more learning, more and more responsibility. I learned so much and they would give me more opportunities and responsibility through that position that then carried me to when my husband and I moved to Atlanta. Well, we weren't married at the time, but when we moved to Atlanta, that I got a position at a law firm there and then began taking on more and more responsibility, learning more and more.

moving into, you know, I was never quite a paralegal. I never had the formal degree of a paralegal, but I moved into doing a lot of the work that paralegals do from the multiple two law firm positions that I held in Atlanta before we had our first daughter. So, I'm so forever grateful for that opportunity and those many years of people seeing more in me than I saw in myself, you know, giving me the options and the opportunity to learn and to work hard and

You know, my last law firm position, I worked overtime like crazy. I mean, I took on every single case that they would allow me to work on. I worked for multiple different attorneys just so that I could learn and that I could make actually, you know, overtime, overtime income, all the things. I'm getting way too deep in the weeds on this story. But the point is, is that that was what I did before we had kids. And once we had kids, I found the beautiful career of direct sales and I...

joined my very first direct sales company, which was selling jewelry. And it was really just a means to an end. I did not want to go back to work full time. I did not want to put our firstborn in daycare in Atlanta. I really wanted to stay home and be with her again with my deep ingrained trauma and neglect and abuse inside of me. Like I really wanted to be the mom and have the family and create that life and that family for my children that I never had.

StoryTale, Storybook, which we all know is not, you know, there's no such thing as a Storybook life. But, um, so I found this industry, this beautiful industry of direct sales, which allowed me to be home with my baby girl, but also make the income that we needed for our family so that we didn't, you know, we just bought our first home on two incomes and all the things. So, um,

Lindsay Oehmen (09:20.322)
I'm in this industry, I'm in this career of direct sales and my husband and I moved again. We moved quite frequently for a while there. We moved again, we had our second baby and still in direct sales. But back then the industry was so different. Like it was all in person. We weren't using the internet for anything. There was no social media. I mean, I guess Facebook was there, but we weren't using it. And so everything was in person and that began to become a lot of work because if you know my personal story,

my husband and I had separated at this time with two young kids, which I'll share more on another podcast episode. So I put down the direct sales and an opportunity fell in my lap to actually open up my very own boutique, my very own brick and mortar boutique, which was another dream. You know, I wanted to be a lawyer and then I wanted to move to New York and be in fashion and, you know, be a buyer or open and run a boutique. So that was something that I was able to bring to fruition. And

I was so excited like that was a dream come true, but also a very, very expensive dream come true. And of course with two young babies and my husband and I were separated and he was living across the country that began to become way more work than I was able to do and as and still dealing with all this internal trauma that I didn't know I had. So fast forward my personal story intertwines again, but I.

fell back into the world of direct sales five years ago. And again, this was for a very personal, you know, we needed income for our family. So it was a very selfish driving force to jump into the direct sales industry. The direct sales industry can be a absolutely beautiful, beautiful opportunity for women and mamas who need to make ends meet, who need to make that extra 500 or a thousand dollars a month.

so that they can stay home or that they can be with their kids or that they can do whatever it is that they need to do with their family. This industry can absolutely be such a beautiful blessing for women that are looking for exactly that, $500, $1000 a month. And so that is why I joined Direct Sales almost five years ago, was for a very selfish need, very selfish driving factor that we needed an extra $500 or $1000 a month.

Lindsay Oehmen (11:38.402)
As I began working this direct sales business, I also started recruiting women to partner with me and be on my team. I knew that as part of the business, if you can duplicate yourself, obviously if you can help others sell and you can help others do what you've done or do what you're doing, then not only will they make the income that they need for their family, but your company will also pay you a commission because you're helping other people achieve success in the industry.

So I did, I began recruiting, but I had no idea how to lead. I didn't know how to tell people or teach people or, I mean, I could encourage, I could be a cheerleader, but deep down, I definitely did not know, okay, I'm gonna be a big, huge direct sales leader. Like that was not in my mind. That never even occurred to me in the beginning of this career. It was just, well, if I can help more people earn income, then it'll help me earn income. I'm helping them earn income and I'm earning more income. It's a win -win.

So I began, you know, of course I became a cheerleader and I started, you know, helping and leading people through my own experiences of what, you know, what was working or not working for me. I could share that. But if I'm being completely honest, and I'm always going to be honest on this and very vulnerable on this podcast, you know, I had total self -doubt of how do I lead these people? Like my team began to grow and...

You know, I had this self doubt of, oh my gosh, I don't know what I'm doing. What if I fail these people? I mean, these are thoughts that I had every single day, like totally freaking out thinking I'm going to fail. All of these people have entrusted themselves to me and my team and my leadership. And you know, they're in this business to make income for their family. And what if I fail them? Like, I don't know what I'm doing. How do I know what I'm doing? I don't know how to lead. I've never had anyone pour into me into that aspect. So I definitely don't know how to pour into other people.

But this fear, it really came from this self doubt that was so instilled in me from childhood that my voice didn't matter and what I had to say didn't matter. And so it never occurred to me that what I had to say did matter because I had such a deep, deep negative thought pattern in the back of my mind and the subconscious that I honestly, truly did not know was there. I just, I knew that I had doubt. I knew that I had doubt of like, what am I doing? I don't know how to do this.

Lindsay Oehmen (13:56.962)
Um, and fear of fear of failing other people, fear of my inadequacy, failing other people and not being a good leader. Um, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other because, you know, the income was really changing our family's life. And the more that this income started to impact and change my family's life, the more I felt such a pool and such a strong passion to help other women achieve this income.

freedom as well. And so I began pouring into myself, reading, listening, learning, podcasts, what has this leader done? Just really started diving into personal and professional development on podcasts and books. And I thought, I'm gonna be a good leader, like leaders read, wait, there's a saying, it's better than good leaders read, but there's a saying. So I began to just kind of pour into myself. And again, my lack of professional education,

definitely strengthened and reinforced my belief that my voice didn't matter and that what I had to say was not important. No one wanted to hear it. And so when people did ask my story, you know, I gave them this condensed fake version. I called it my fake story. It was, you know, I wasn't lying. It was a real story. You know, after high school, I moved to Boston, New York, and I went to school at UMass, and I went to school at FIT. I just left out the part where I had never finished high school.

and never graduated either one of those colleges. I just left that part out because I was so consumed with shame. Shame that I'm a dropout, that I don't have any degrees, total shame. I mean, nobody in my adult life, very, very, very few people in my adult life knew any of this about my story. Shame, complete shame, but also fear of their opinions, fear of, you know, I've started to achieve success in this industry.

but oh my gosh, what if they know like I'm a fake, I'm a fraud, that imposter syndrome, right? Like I don't deserve this success because I don't have a degree. I don't have professional experience. Who am I to be able to lead people? Who am I to be able to help people have success when I don't even have a degree, when I have a dropout? So all of these things, you know, and I didn't, y 'all, there's no way, I'm not walking around, I'm not opening the refrigerator saying these things to myself. That's not how, that's not how limiting beliefs work.

Lindsay Oehmen (16:20.802)
They are on the record player in the back of your mind and these subconscious thoughts that you have 90 ,000 of them every single day. So it can completely self -sabotage your success. Like I could have absolutely let this self -doubt and this fear say, I'm not good enough. I am not good enough to lead these people. I am not smart enough. I am not good enough.

I'm just going to plateau. I'm just going to let them do their thing. And I could have just absolutely plateaued and stayed where I was. Thank goodness that was not the Lord's plan for me or for the people that I was impacting. So and one, you know, and it takes a few. I mean, it takes the personal and professional growth to start to recognize these things, to start to understand limiting beliefs. I never even heard the word limiting beliefs up until four years ago. But.

you know, reading and learning and understanding how they really truly work. And then I've told the story before of how I was about to do a national training and the producer of that training. You know, I told her, I said, OK, I'll just I'm going to talk really, really fast and, you know, get it over with. And and she, you know, that's when she said to me like, Lindsay, people want to hear what you have to say. You need to slow down and let them hear every word you have accomplished this and you have achieved this. And people want to know how you've done it.

and how you can help them do it. And, you know, obviously that completely impacted me because of my deepest fear, the shame held onto, well, no one wants to hear what I have to say because I don't have a degree and no one, you know, wants to hear what I have to say because, you know, I was told all my life that my voice doesn't matter. You know, that hit so deep and so hard for me to recognize and realize like, wait a minute, I have helped women.

create a good business. I have helped women. Not only have I created success for myself, but I've helped others create success for themselves. And so, yeah, I guess people do when I hear what I have to say on this subject, on the matter. Now, I still was not ready to tell my real story. My real story was, again, caught up in so much shame and self -doubt that if people knew who I really was...

Lindsay Oehmen (18:37.506)
then that would negate everything. That would negate all the success that I've created and all the success that I've created for other people because, you know, who am I to be able to have this disability? So I also had, so, you know, that was kind of the beginning. Now mixed in with all of this other, you know,

readings and I had a business coach at the time that really spoke on limiting beliefs and you know, I Never would have put into words that my limiting belief of my voice doesn't matter. My voice shouldn't be heard I just knew that I had self -doubt around speaking to people Because it was such a deeply ingrained belief in my in my body in my brain and my body and everything Being told that I should be seen and not heard

not having a degree, all of those things reinforce and strengthen this limiting belief. But then I began to see otherwise when I really stepped through that fear and through that self doubt. And when I did that national training and you guys, it's not just a one and done like up that limiting belief is gone. No, it is a daily practice of when I get on this podcast and talk to you, when I get on another training, when I get on social media, when I got on that training that day, I literally took a deep breath.

and said to myself, people want to hear what you have to say. People want to hear what you have to say. Slow down, speak your words because they want to hear what you have to say. And you guys, I still do that. That is the framework of recognizing your limiting beliefs, understanding that they're lies and reframing those lies for truth.

and rewiring your brain to believe and understand and know the truth about who you are, not the lies that you believed for decades that have held you back and held you in self -sabotage and held you in procrastination. Because let's be honest, guys, if I had let my fear, my self doubt and my shame, like not do that national training or not speak into my leaders, I would absolutely not be here today. I would not be here talking with you today. I would not have had that success.

Lindsay Oehmen (20:52.514)
and my direct sales business and industry that I've had because I could have let myself get stuck. And that's why I'm here because I don't want that for you. I do not want you to let yourself get stuck. I want you to achieve the success that you are meant to achieve in business and in life. I started to recognize the truth. I started to reframe and rewire.

People wanna hear what I have to say. And it takes experiences. It takes, you know, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Feeling the fear of letting your voice be heard. I remember I had a leader come to me several years ago and this is still in the same timeframe. And she was feeling like, why isn't my business moving? Why isn't my business getting any further? Like I wanna refocus. Can we have a meeting together and can you help me to refocus and figure out what I'm not.

doing well, what I'm doing wrong, whatever. And you know, just all of those pieces to help her move her business forward. And I remember thinking before that meeting, oh my gosh, what am I going to tell her? Like, how am I going to help her? You know, I'm still in this self doubt. It's like this push and pull, this push and pull of I'm not good enough to be able to help someone because the self doubt of who am I to help her be successful. And then the fear of like, what if I can't help her? But then,

the reframing my brain to say, no, I can't. I have achieved this. I have helped others achieve this. I can help her achieve this. So I just have to sit and I have to listen and my words are gonna matter. The words that I say to her are gonna matter. They're going to be important. They are going to bring change for her. And I remember, again, I had to reframe my brain before that meeting and I remember leaving that meeting.

And this sweet friend of mine and this sweet leader, she had tears through our meeting because I helped her to see that her fear was holding her back. That it was her fear that, you know, all of these reasons or excuses that we're making are just buried in fear. That the root of all of it was fear. And the root of all of that was self -doubt. And the root of all of that was limiting beliefs. And I remember when she left that day, I literally fell to my knees and was like, Lord,

Lindsay Oehmen (23:18.85)
I hear you. I feel you. I see you. You are telling me that my voice matters, that what I say can help women, that what I have to say, that what you are giving me, this is all from God. I will never ever take the credit for any of this. It is God using me, using my voice, like reframing this little girl who was always told, your voice doesn't matter. You should be seen and not heard. Don't speak a word. I don't care if it's happy. I don't care if it's sad.

Don't speak a word. God is redeeming that. God has redeemed that in me and is redeeming that in me.

She left that meeting and as I hit my knees and I thank the Lord that he is using me, that I could feel him, I literally felt like, God, all those words to her were from you and through you. That was the Holy Spirit speaking through me. For business, yes, but for personal, because it's our personal limiting beliefs that are holding us back in business. And so...

I began to truly, truly step into my purpose. I began to hear God feel and see like I am here. Lindy, I am rewiring all of this for you. I am reframing this because your words are going to matter. Your words are going to impact people and I am going to use your pain for purpose. And so I started, I began to believe him.

I began to believe and hear the truth and I began to let him truly, truly work through me and use me. And I began to tell my real story. When people would ask my story and my success in this industry, I no longer told my fake story. I no longer said, I went to school in Boston and New York and owned a business. I said I came from a broken and abused home that I left home at 16 and dropped out of high school.

Lindsay Oehmen (25:20.578)
Because I wanted these women to see that if I can achieve success, I come from nothing. I come from abuse. I come from broken. I come from nothing. And if I can achieve success, that so can they. I wanted them to see that God redeems. God uses pain for purpose. And I knew. I began to know. I didn't know. I began to see as God began to show me that my real story could change.

truly truly impact so many more people than my fake story. That by using my pain for his purpose, I could reach so many more women.

Lindsay Oehmen (26:05.378)
And so that's why I'm here on this podcast sharing this with you because I want people and women to understand that God redeems our pain. He will absolutely use our pain for our purpose if we let him. That nothing you've done or haven't done is too far gone for God.

And my heart for women, you know, through this past, through my years with direct sales, you know, as something that began so selfish, you know, God is so funny in the way that His plan works out for us. Something that I thought was so selfish, you know, to make income for my family. God knew better. Like God had bigger and better plans. It was the foundation.

that would be laid for him to use me to grow, to grow personally, to grow professionally, to grow spiritually, to be able to step into the impact that he wants to use through me to help so many women. So something that began so selfish, God just did a work in me, through me, continuously to say, no, no, no, this isn't about you.

this direct sales business, it's not about you. It's about every single woman that you can touch and impact and lead through this business. Yes, of course, financially, I want to, the reason women start this business is because they want to bring in more income to their home, but that's not what God's talking about. It's the impact that he wants me to use on them spiritually and professionally. And so he has,

ignited this incredible passion inside of me. And that is why our greatest pain becomes our greatest passion. So he has ignited this massive fire inside of me to help women, to lead women, to impact women, to share my real heartbreaking, shameful, painful story. Every detail of it. And know that I don't have that shame. I no longer have.

Lindsay Oehmen (28:29.442)
that shame and that fear and that self -doubt of other people's opinions of me or what I've done or what I haven't done because I know who I am in God and I know what he is doing through my story. And so my heart to lead women and I can impact and hopefully reach a few more women through their earbuds than I can in my direct sales business. And I hope that this podcast gets to the earbuds of each and every woman who needs to hear.

the messaging from not only from me, but from so many other women and professionals that I will be bringing onto this podcast. And through my coaching, you know, I've identified how to help women step out of shame and self doubt and fear, how to help them gain confidence and influence and maximize their income, their impact, truly step into their full potential and purpose. Now,

they have to be willing to do it. But I've created this beautiful framework. It's a step -by -step framework that I will be launching very, very soon to help women identify where their excuses are coming from, their fear and their self -doubt, but not only identify it, how to rewire it, how to reframe, how to truly step into your full potential.

identifying your purpose, maximizing your impact and your income.

I have this incredible passion and fire inside of me to help coach women and help them identify what's holding them back. I've identified what's holding me back or what held me back or what could have held me back. I should, I should re -r -re -reframe that sentence. I've identified what could have hold me back, not only in success in business, but in my relationship with my husband, in my relationship with my daughters.

Lindsay Oehmen (30:30.498)
my entire family, which I get very up close and personal and vulnerable in some of these episodes. They're not all professional because again, it's all very intertwined. And so I've identified what could have self sabotaged my own success in this industry. And because I was able to identify it, I was able to not let it stop me from becoming who I am becoming and impacting who I can impact.

through the Holy Spirit as God allows me. And I say, becoming who I am becoming because we never stop growing, ever, ever, ever, never stop growing, never stop learning.

Lindsay Oehmen (31:17.218)
And I want to encourage you today, as you've heard a little bit about my professional story and entrepreneurial journey from high school dropout, a little bit of college, a dream job in New York to finding this beautiful industry of direct sales that I've identified. Yes, it's a completely change and impact our family financially, but it has changed and impacted our families so much more through the power of

this discovery of growth and spiritual and it has and that's why it's impacted our family because it's impacted me so incredibly, just so incredible, so much. So I want to challenge you today. I want you to choose one area that you can identify in yourself where you feel like you.

are not enough. And I choose those words carefully because we know that we are not enough because that's why we have Jesus. Like Jesus covers all. Jesus redeems. He turns pain into purpose. But let me say not smart enough maybe because that was me not good enough or not smart enough because for me my limiting belief was that I wasn't smart enough to use my voice. I wasn't smart enough. I don't have a degree and it just

It re, it strengthened and reiterated the limiting belief from childhood that my voice didn't matter. But of course, I didn't feel smart enough to speak. I don't have a degree. Who am I to speak?

So I want to encourage you and I challenge you today as I close out this episode.

Lindsay Oehmen (33:07.65)
Find one area, one area in your life where you feel not good enough or not smart enough.

and commit to a daily affirmation or a daily action that counters that belief for one week.

So if you don't feel smart enough, maybe spend 10 minutes every single day learning something new.

Or for me, where I didn't feel good enough or smart enough was when somebody asked me to speak. You know, somebody might ask me to speak on a training and I would literally or speak in person. You know, I began to tell my story in front of lots of people standing up, you know, and funnily enough, I never really had a fear of public speaking, but I had the fear of.

showing people who I am, telling them my real story, showing them my past, because of course their shame wrapped up in the fear of their opinions. What are they going to think when they know who I really am?

Lindsay Oehmen (34:20.866)
So my daily affirmation was at every time before I would speak in a training or in person, I would take a deep breath and I would remind myself, Lindsay, slow down, speak your words. People want to hear what you have to say. And then I would ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me.

Because really, people want to hear what HE has to say through my lens.

So I challenge you.

Thanks for listening. I hope to see you on the next one.