360 - Advice for the New Year

At the end of the year is always a good time to step back and think about the year to come. Maybe you have some goals that you want to accomplish. Maybe get in better shape and eat better or pick up a new skill. But have you thought about what kind of attributes you want in the next year? In this episode I give you some words of advice of how to approach the new year.

“Things do not touch the soul, for they are external and remain immovable; so our perturbations come only from our inner opinions."

—Marcus Aurelius

Meditations IV.3

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Transcript

Erick Cloward 0:00

The end of the year is always a good time to step back and think about the year to come. Maybe you have some goals that you want to accomplish. Maybe get in better shape and eat better or pick up a new skill. But have you thought about what kind of attributes you want in the next year? In this episode, I give some words of advice on how to approach the new year. Hello, friends. My name is Eric Claudard and welcome to the Stow Coffee Break. The Stowa Coffee Break is a weekly podcast where I take aspects of Stoicism and do my best to break them down to the most important points. I borrow from ancient wisdom and modern wisdom, as well as psychology and neuroscience, basically anywhere that I can find something that I think can help you think better, because if you can think better, you can live better. This week's episode is called Advice for a New Year. Things do not touch the soul, for they are external and remain immovable. So our perturbations come only from our inner opinions. Marcus Aurelius. Hey friend. And we certainly live in interesting times. Politics has been turned upside down, democratic norms are being treated as something antiquated, civility is being thrown out the window while polarization is increasing. Economic factors aren't looking so good either. The future for the average person is not optimistic. Needless to say, it's been a hard year. And it's easy to let fear and anxiety overwhelm you. It's easy to be cynical, to give up on the world and hide in your little corner. But as we come to the end of the year, I want to give some advice for the year to come. Most people focus on the goals that they have and what they want to actually accomplish. But I think it's more important to decide what kind of person you want to be. So here's some ways that you can make next year just a little better. Be curious. It's easy to close off to think that you have all the right answers, to shut out the things that you don't like, people that are different than you, people who say things that you don't like. Be open anyway. Epictetus said, if you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid. Stay open to learning new things. Find ideas that challenge your worldview. Talk with people you disagree with. Marcus Aurelius wrote, accustom yourself to attend carefully to what is said by another. And as much as it is possible, try to inhabit the speaker's mind. Get curious about why they think the way they do. Try to understand their perspective. Remember, understanding isn't agreement. Understanding is connecting. Plus, you might be the one that's wrong. You might also be surprised at what you learn. And surprise is a joyful discovery. So be open. Be okay with discomfort. Life isn't about being comfortable. We seek comfort and pleasure and avoid discomfort and suffering. Sit with discomfort and suffering anyway. Don't push it away. Observe it. See how comfortable you can get with the uncomfortable. Make it your friend. Expand your tolerance. Face the resistance that you feel. Resistance is not a sign that you're failing. It's often a signal that you're on the right path. It's a sign that something is important to you, that it matters to you. Marcus Aurelius reminds us: does what's happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, and all of the other qualities that allow a person's nature to fulfill itself? So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain. The thing itself was no misfortune at all. To endure it and prevail is a good, great fortune. Discomfort is where growth happens, where character is created. It shows you where you're wrong and where you're weak. It changes you from who you are into who you'll become. You can't build strength where it's easy. So get uncomfortable. Be soft. Sometimes the world feels cruel. Okay, let's try that one again. Be soft. Sometimes the world feels cruel. You want to put a shell around yourself to protect yourself. But be vulnerable anyway. Don't get hard because hard is not strong. It doesn't protect. It breaks. Marcus Aurelius wrote, Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. Being vulnerable takes strength. Sure, you'll get hurt sometimes, but what's the alternative? When you cut off the things that hurt, you also cut off joy. The things that can hurt you are also the things that can bring you joy. Feel the fullness of life and be soft. Be tough. The world can be hard, and it wants you to be hard. All the pressure and stress that you feel, you feel like you have to be hard. Be tough instead. The harder something is, the more brittle it is. Toughness is actually inversely proportional to hardness. Tough means that you can bend and you can flex. Epictetus tells us give yourself fully to your endeavors. Decide to construct your character through excellent actions and determine to pay the price of a worthy goal. The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. Push through when things are difficult. Sure, you'll get scrapes and bruises and calluses, but you won't break. You'll bounce back. Take the hits and keep going. Find the strengths that you never knew you had. Be tough, but don't be hard. Slow down. The world keeps speeding up, and you feel like you have to speed up just to keep up. To be more productive, to get more done. Slow down anyway. Seneca reminds us we must indulge the mind and from time to time allow it the leisure which is its food and strength. We must go for walks out of doors so that the mind can be strengthened by a clear sky and plenty of fresh air. Take more walks and look at the trees. Watch more sunrises and sunsets. Add more wonder to your life. Enjoy your work rather than rushing through it. Take some things out of your schedule. Savor time with those you love. Seneca also wrote: True happiness is to enjoy the present without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears, but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing. Don't rush toward tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. It'll be there for you. Don't get stuck in the past either, because it's gone. Be in the moment, not the past, not the future, now. And you'll find that time slows down. Fail more. We hate to fail. The world looks down on us if we fail. We love success stories far more than the ones of failure. But fail more this year. If you're only doing things that you'll succeed in, you're playing it safe. And playing it safe isn't living. It isn't risking or learning or growing. As Seneca reminds us, a setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights. If you're failing, it means you're trying things that are not easy for you. You're stepping outside your comfort zone. It means you're risking and learning and growing. It means you're alive and all the thrill that comes with it. If there's a chance of failure and it scares you, it means that it's important to you. Fail more this year. See how much you grow. Let go. What are you holding on to? Regret? A grudge? Shame? Anger? Let it go. Let go of the things that aren't serving you. Let go of outcomes. Expectations of how others should be. Of how you're supposed to be. Demands that life be how you want it to be. Marcus Aurelius wrote, If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now. Put down the weight of all those things you don't need to carry. Release those things that burden you. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Let go and feel yourself lighten. Be kind. It's easier just to think of how things affect you. Let everyone else fend for themselves. To get cynical and think that everyone else is out for themselves, so why shouldn't I be? Be kind anyway. Choose love over hate, bigotry, racism, and sexism. Hate damages you more than it does others. It makes you ugly on the inside. And Marcus Aurelius wrote, Men exist for the sake of one another. Teach them then or bear with them. If you don't like the unkindness in the world, don't add to it. When others speak badly of you, don't respond in kind. When others use or manipulate you, surprise them with kindness and grace. Give compliments when you don't have to. Give the benefit of the doubt. Forgive ignorance. Practice grace while driving. Give kindness back into the world. As Seneca wrote, wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness. So be kind. And that's the end of this week's stoic coffee break. I know this has been a challenging year for many people, and I know that the next year isn't looking too bright. But I really hope that you take some time over the next few weeks as you decide what you want to get done in this next year and think about what kind of attributes you want to add to your life and what kind of person you want to become. And I hope that my words have given you some inspiration about how you might be able to walk a little better in this world. As always, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and thanks for listening.