361 - Ataraxia: The Stoic Skill of Staying Level

Can you stay calm in the storm? Or do you let your emotions cloud your judgment, leading to poor decisions? Today I want to talk about the Stoic concept of ataraxia and how it can help you be more mentally tough.

“Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace.”

— Epictetus, Enchiridion 8

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Transcript

Erick 0:00

Can you stay calm in a storm? Or do you let your emotions cloud your judgments, leading to poor decisions? Well, today I want to talk about how the stoic concept of ataraxia can help you to become more mentally tough. Hello, friends. My name is Erick Cloward and welcome to the Stoic Coffee Break. The Stoic Coffee Break is a weekly podcast where I take aspects of Stoicism and do my best to break them down to their most important points. I share my thoughts on stoic philosophy and pull from ancient and modern wisdom, as well as neuroscience, psychology, anything I can get my hands on to help you think better because I believe if you think better, you can live better. So this week's episode is called Ataraxia: The Stoic Skill of Staying Level. Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want. Welcome events in whatever way they happen. This is the path to peace. Epictetus. So everyone talks about the importance of resilience, of being able to bounce back, recovering after the challenge has passed. But what if you were able to stay tranquil in the face of chaos? Not bouncing, not recovering, not picking up the pieces after the storm, but staying level while it's happening. That's the difference between reaction and response. Reaction is emotional whiplash. Response is deciding in real time that this doesn't get to own you. So Marcus Aurelius dealt with plagues, wars, and betrayals. Seneca and Musonius Rufus were both exiled. Epictetus was born into slavery, but all of them persisted and even thrived through difficulty. So resilience is what you do after. Mental toughness is who you are during. So we're obsessed with bouncing back narratives. We love a good comeback story, the Phoenix rising from the ashes. But what about the person who's still in the fight? Because that's where real strength is tested. So modern ideas of resilience focus on recovery, not endurance. And this unfortunately leaves us unprepared for sustained difficulty, the chronic illness, uh a long career setback, or maybe a relationship that takes years to repair. So the Stoics had a word for this different kind of strength, ataraxia. And what it means is without disturbance. And ataraxia is not numbness or detachment, but it's act of tranquility. It's about being able to stay focused and calm and maintain inner stability while external chaos rages. It was often described as a necessary skill for a soldier, being able to maintain their cool on the battlefield so that they could maintain their composure and make wise choices in chaotic circumstances. And it's very much in line with what Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations. He said, if you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but your estimate of it. And this you have the power to revoke at any moment. So remember that resilience is like elasticity. You bend and then you spring back. You're able to recover after the fact. And this is very important when we're dealing with the challenges of life. But atoraxia is stability. You remain upright through the storm. One is about recovery time, and the other is about needing recovery. So ataraxia is one of the key components of mental toughness. It's easy to stay calm when things are good and things are going your way, but it matters most when things get difficult. So, for example, Marcus Aurelius went through many challenges when he was the emperor of Rome. So the Antonine Plague killed five million people. There were Germanic tribes threatening the borders of the empire. His own son was unfit to rule. His wife was potentially unfaithful. He wrote in meditations during military campaigns. This wasn't journaling after he recovered or when things were easy. It was philosophy while he was still in it. So we often confuse stoic tranquility with emotional suppression. And this is one of the biggest misconceptions about Stoicism. Now, ataraxia isn't not feeling your emotions. Rather, it's not being controlled by what you feel. It's about being aware of and wisely managing your emotions so that you're not brought down by the challenges, but rather you can thrive in them. So emotions are signals. They let us know what is important to us. They also are the drivers of our actions. And I would argue that if we cut them off, we deprive ourselves of a source of rich information. And this information is needed to make wiser decisions. So Victor Frankel reminds us in Man's Search for Meaning, between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. So being mentally tough means that you are able to consistently find that space and choose your response. So let's break down the difference between response and reaction. So when you're reacting, it's usually automatic, it's emotional, and it's hijacked by the moment. Whereas your response is something that's chosen, considered, and sourced from your values. And the space between the two is where adoraxia lives. It allows you to reappraise and change how you think about a situation while it's actually happening. Now, this does not mean that it's cold, but it's calibrated. You can still feel everything and still respond with wisdom. Adaraxia is hot courage, not cold indifference. It's about choosing your responses in real time and not shutting down. So one of the best ways that I've found to give myself some of that space when things are stressful is to just stop and take a few deep breaths. Doing so brings more oxygen to your brain and helps your body release tension. Even just one breath can help reset your physiology, and that helps to clear your head. So the next time that somebody cuts you off while driving or you can feel yourself getting annoyed at your kids, just take a deep breath. Then use that pause to wisely choose your response. So a key component of ataraxia is objectivity. And this is where you separate the facts of a situation from your emotions and your opinions. Then you're better able to see things as they are, unclouded by bias and emotional pressure. You're also able to see where your emotions are pushing you one way or another. You see that your opinions are just conjecture. So one of the best exercises that I use to be more objective about things is called just the facts. And this is where I list out all of the things that I know for sure about a situation, things that could be proven in a court of law. Now, let's say, for example, you send a text to your friend about something that's really important to you. Hours go by and you don't hear any response from them. Your mind starts to come up with all kinds of assumptions of why they haven't responded. Maybe they're mad at me, maybe they don't care, maybe it's just not important to them. You can feel your anxiety start to spike. But let's look at the facts. All that's happened is you sent out a text and they haven't responded. That's it. All those other assumptions are based upon your own opinions and emotions. You don't have any idea why they haven't responded. And until you have more facts, you can't form an opinion. And this is what Epictetus reminds us. Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them. So why is building mental toughness and these various skills so difficult? Why is it hard to stay cool when dealing with big and small struggles in our daily lives? I mean, we understand that we should pause and choose our response rather than react. I mean, it seems like something that just makes sense. And I've talked about this idea so many times on my podcast. If you read any books on Stoicism, this idea is paramount to their philosophy. But we still get reactive rather than choosing our responses. When emotions spike, it's hard to remember what Epitita said or what Seneca wrote in his letters. And this is not a character flaw, and it's not a lack of willpower or understanding. It's just a lack of training. Now, most adults are never trained how to regulate their emotions, how to stay disciplined under pressure, persist and push through when we run into failure. Now, we can read all the books we want and listen to more podcasts, but that can only take you so far. And while they help you to understand the ideas, understanding breaks down when you hit reality. Training is what changes behavior. Just like an athlete with a training program. And just like an athlete's training program, mental toughness is built through practice, repetition, and structure. Not just good ideas, but something to build lasting change. As Epictetus reminds us, becoming a carpenter or pilot we realize requires some formal training. Is it unreasonable to suppose that it will take more than just the desire to be good or bad? That the student of philosophy will also have to learn a few things of his own. So this idea of training was something that was very important to me, and that's why I created a program called Building an Unbreakable Mind. It's a six-week program that helps you to train your mental toughness with skills like emotional regulation, discipline, self-awareness, and reframing failure. It's designed to help you stay steady when life gets loud. Now, enrollment for this cohort in January is now open, and early word pricing is available through January 14th. And then we start on January 26th. Seats are limited in order to keep the QA meaningful. Now, who is this for and who is this not for? Now, if you're looking for something to passively consume, hoping that you'll make some changes, this is not for you. This is for people that are willing to go deep and do the work and make big changes. It's for people that want a mental operating system that they can rely on. Now, if this resonates with you, you can learn more about it and enroll at my website at stoic.coffee slash unbreakable. So, in conclusion, I want to leave you with something that Seneca said from his book on the Tranquility of Mind. Nothing happens to a wise man against his expectations, because he never assumes that everything will go as he had planned, but as it might go. When we develop our mental toughness, we are able to roll with the punches. We stay on our feet when things are tough. We stay level through the challenges of our life. Now, don't get me wrong, resilience is incredibly valuable. We need resilience because it's what helps us to recover when things don't go correctly. But ataraxia is the thing that gets you through. It's the thing that keeps you level. And the goal isn't isn't never to bend, it's to not break while you're bending. So the next time somebody tells you to be resilient, to bounce back, remember Marcus Aurelius writing philosophy in a war tent. He wasn't bouncing, he was staying upright. And that's the work. And that's the end of this week's Stoic Coffee Break. As always, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and thanks for listening. Also, if you haven't purchased my book, Stoicism 101, you can find out more on my website. Again, that's at stoic.coffee. Also, if you aren't following me on social media, I would appreciate it if you would. I know that I complain about social media, but if you're going to be on there, hopefully you can find some good for my material. You can find me on Instagram and threads at stoic.coffee, and the other ones, including YouTube, Facebook, and LinkedIn, at stoic coffee all one word. Thanks again for listening.