369 - Spend It Like a Millionaire: Why Holding Back Isn't Humility

What if the thing you've been quietly doing your whole life — the thing that feels almost too easy to count — is actually your greatest gift to the world?

And what is it costing you to keep holding it back?

"If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke."

— Brendan Francis

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Transcript

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What if the thing that you've been quietly doing your whole life, the thing that feels almost too easy to count, is actually your greatest gift to the world. And what is it costing you to keep holding it back? So today I want to talk about the importance of sharing our talents with the world as not just a way to make the world better, but to live according to nature. Hello, friends. My name is Erick Cloward and welcome to the Stoic Coffee Break. The Stoic Coffee Breaks Weekly podcast where I take aspects of stoicism and do my best to break them down to the most important points. I share my thoughts on stoic philosophy and pull formation of modern wisdom, as well as psychology and neuroscience. Anything that I can find that can help you to think better.'cause I believe when you think better, you can live better. This week's episode is called Spend It Like a Millionaire. Why Holding Back isn't Humility. So I wanna start today with a quote that I came across a few months ago. So I was down at Grand's Pass in southern Oregon, giving a speech about stoicism, and I bought a candle at a shop. And as part of the deal, the owner had me choose a quote from a basket, and it was good. It's from the writer, Brendan Francis, and it goes like this. If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire. Intent on going broke. I love that line. A millionaire Intent on Growing Broke, and that image really hit me. And I think there's something profound in that, something that connects directly to what the STOs were teaching 2000 years ago. So today we're gonna talk about talent, not talent in the narrow Olympic sense, not the kind that needs a credential or an audience to count. We're gonna talk about what the stoics call your fitted function. The particular way you are suited to engage in the world, and why holding it back isn't caution. It's a quiet betrayal of yourself. So most of us have already ruled ourselves out before the conversation even begins. We carry a definition of talent that is essentially Olympic. It's something that's rare or credentialed or publicly impressive. You're talented if you publish a book or performed on stage or build something that everyone can point to. Anything that doesn't clear that bar. Anything that feels ordinary or easy or just the way you've always been, doesn't count. And so we say things like, oh, I'm not really talented. Anything special, or I'm still figuring it out. Or, the one that I hear most often from my coaching clients, from listeners and honestly myself at different points is that I'll really start when I'm ready. Now, these aren't just throwaway phrases, they're a belief system, and that belief system has real consequences. So I think about how many people are sitting on something genuinely valuable. Maybe it's a way of thinking, a gift for connection, a capacity to see what others miss. And they've simply decided that it doesn't qualify as something that is a talent. They've disqualified themselves before they ever step onto the field. And here's what I want you to hear, that disqualification is not humility, it's not wisdom, it's fear wearing the costume of modesty because think about what the miser and Brendan Francis quote is actually doing. He's not hoarding the gold because he doesn't value it. He hoards it precisely because he does. He's terrified of losing it, of spending it, of having nothing left, and we often do the same with our gifts. We hold back, not because they're not worth giving, but because full expression is terrifying in a very specific way. If I give everything and it is still not enough, I have nothing left to blame. The holding back is protective. Seneca saw this with almost brutal clarity. He wrote, while we are postponing life speeds past, while we're deferring, while we're waiting, while we're saving ourselves to the right moment, that never quite arrives. Unused talent doesn't wait patiently in a vault. Over time, it curdles like milk, which starts as hesitation, becomes a habit of holding back and what starts as a habit, well eventually becomes regret. The savings account isn't just locked. Most of us don't even believe that we have made a deposit in the box. So let's talk about what talent actually is, because I think the stoics had something much more interesting to say about this than our modern definition allows. The Stokes didn't really use the word talent the way that we do. They had a concept called Ethicon, your appropriate function, your fitted role, and it's a lot richer than talent because it's not just about what you're skilled at in a measurable way. It's about what you're suited for, your particular nature, your way of seeing, thinking, engaging in the world, brought fully into contact with your life. So Mark Israelis put it simply in his meditations. A man's true delight is to do the thing he was made for, and he extended this into the natural world in a way that I find genuinely beautiful. He would observe that the vine lives to bear fruit. The sun lives to give light. The fig tree doesn't decide to grow half a fake to protect itself. Nature fulfills itself completely, or it isn't fully nature at all. And for Marcus, we are no different. To live below your fitted function isn't caution. It's a violation of your own nature by this framework. Talent isn't a peak performance. It's a pattern. It's something that you do more naturally than most, and often so naturally that you've stopped counting it as anything special. The things that come easiest to you, paradoxically, are often the hardest to recognize as gifts. You think, well, of course you'd think about it that way, or, of course you notice that, or of course. You knew what to say in that moment, except other people don't. Other people are working hard at the thing that costs you almost nothing. So here's some signs to look for, and I want you to actually sit with these. What do people consistently thank you for? Compliments you on or come to you for that? You always brush off the ones where you say, oh, it was nothing, because to you it genuinely feels like nothing. What do you do effortlessly while you watch others visibly struggle with the same thing? What do you keep returning to, even when no one is watching, no one is paying you or nothing is at stake. What would you do if it didn't count? So there's a story about Marcus Aelius that illuminates this perfectly. He was the emperor of Rome, the most powerful man in the known world. He had every conceivable reason to spend his early mornings on statecraft military planning the business of the empire. Instead, historians record that he rose before Don, often while on military campaigns in the cold Northern territories to write, not policy, not orders, but philosophy, private reflections, never intended for publication, wrestling with how to be a better human being. What we now call meditations was his preda practice for years, and it was written for an audience of one, and that's the tell. He couldn't not do it. That is what your catone looks like. Now, sometimes we just need to try something that appeals to us. We often talk ourselves out of it because we don't think we have the skills. But until you try and work on it, you'll never know if you would be good at it. You'll never know how much you might like it. So in my own life, I never dreamed that I would be the host of a podcast. I didn't think I was gonna be very good at it. I started it because it just sounded interesting, and in the beginning, well, it wasn't very good. But it was fun, and I did see that each time I did it, I was getting better and that I was helping people by trying to teach the things that I was learning. And even though I took a break from the podcast, well two breaks, I kept returning to it. I would work through some problem or read something that really impacted my life, and I just had to share it with you. I couldn't stay away from creating episodes for the podcast. It was also through working on my podcast that I found that I had a skill for writing. Sitting down and creating these episodes sharpened my writing skills, and eventually I was approached by a publisher and the process of writing my first book, stoicism 1 0 1, also improved my ability to write as Epic. Tita said it simply, if you wish to be a writer write, you don't get better hoarding or hiding your talent. You get better by doing it and sharing it. Now, once you see what you actually have, once you recognize that pattern. The question shifts entirely. It's no longer do I have a gift worth sharing. The question is, what exactly is the excuse for holding it back? And this is where Seneca arrives and he's not gentle about it. In his essay on the Shortness of Life, which is one of the most urgent pieces of writing I've ever encountered, he says something in his stayed with me since the first time I read it. It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a good deal of it. Now, he wasn't being pessimistic, he was being precise. Life isn't short. The living is what we're rationing. There's no future moment where you'll finally be ready enough, safe enough. Certain enough. That moment is the fiction that we tell ourselves to make the holding back feel reasonable. This moment is really the only one, but if Seneca is the intellectual argument for urgency, Epictetus is living proof that it's possible. So let's talk a bit about Epictetus, because his life was one of the most extraordinary demonstrations of this principle that history has given us. So Epictetus was born into slavery in Opolis, which is now modern day Turkey, around 50 ad. He was owned by a powerful freed man in Neros court named Ferdi. And there is a story that has come down through the centuries. His master once twisted his leg, either as a punishment or simply to demonstrate his power. Epictetus by the accounts. We have said calmly, you'll break it. And when it broke, he said, did I not tell you that it would break? And he walked with a limp for the rest of his life. Now he controlled almost nothing about his own existence, his body, his location, his daily circumstances, all of it was someone else's to determine. And yet he found the one channel available to him, thought, conversation, teaching, and he poured everything into it. Everything without reservation, without waiting for circumstances that were worthy of his gifts. Without the protection of holding back. He was eventually freed and he founded a school in Necropolis and he taught there for decades. He never wrote a single word himself. Everything we have comes from his student ion, who essentially took notes because he couldn't bear for the world to lose what Epictetus was giving away so freely. 2000 years later, his discourses are still changing lives. Soldiers have carried them into battle. Viktor Frankl drew on this tradition while imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp. The teachings are alive and working in the world right now because one man who had almost everything taken from him refused to ration the one thing that couldn't be taken. He didn't wait for the perfect circumstances. He brought his gifts fully to the circumstances he had. Now, here's the thing I want you to sit with, because this is the thing that makes this story more than just an inspiring story. Unlike money, talent doesn't deplete when you spend it. It compounds every act of full expression every time you bring your complete self to something rather than the carefully managed rationed version reveals more capacity than you knew was there. Writers who write every day don't run out of ideas. They generate more teachers who give everything to their students, don't empty out. They deepen. The millionaire intent ongoing broke, discovers every single morning that the account has somehow refilled itself overnight. This isn't just an inspiring metaphor. This is how creativity and skill and human expression actually worked. The act of giving your gift away is also the act of growing it. Marcus understood this. He didn't write the meditations in spite of his demanding life as emperor and military commander. He wrote them because of it. The more he gave of his philosophical thinking to himself, to his practice, to the page, the more he had to draw from when the empire required wisdom rather than just power. You can't go broke with this kind of currency. So this week I wanna offer you two paths. Take the one that fits how you're wired, or take both of them for the reflective person, do a recognition journal. Set aside 10 quiet minutes before the day starts if possible, which is what I think Mark guess would've appreciated. And answer these three questions as honestly as you can without editing or minimizing what comes up first. What do people thank me for? Compliment me on or come to me for that I always deflect or minimize. Second, what do I do that others seem to find genuinely difficult, that I barely even notice doing. Third, if no one was watching, nothing was at stake and it didn't count, what would I still do anyway? Don't rush past what surfaces. The thing that feels too small or too obvious is almost certainly the thing worth looking at. Remember Marcus didn't think his pre don philosophical writing was that remarkable? He thought it was just what he did. Your catone will feel the same way. Now for the experiential learner, one act of lavish spending. Think of one specific area in your life right now where you know, honestly know that you've been operating at half capacity, holding back, or rationing yourself. Maybe it's a conversation that you've been having at 60% because you don't wanna overwhelm someone with your enthusiasm. Maybe it's a creative project. You keep approaching carefully instead of fully. Maybe it's a skill that you keep intending to bring to more of your work, but somehow you quite never do it this week. Not perfectly, not dramatically. Just more lavishly than yesterday. Bring more of your actual self to that one thing. Think of epic Epictetus. He didn't wait for freedom to give everything. He gave everything as a slave through the one channel he had that was available to him. So what is your one channel this week? So in conclusion, the stoics didn't frame this primarily as generosity toward the world, though it is that they framed it as being true to your own nature. Living any a smaller than what you're fitted for isn't modesty. It's a quiet betrayal of yourself. Marcus called it a failure to live according to nature, and for him, that was among the most serious failures possible. The miser doesn't hoard because he doesn't value the gold he hoards because he's afraid of losing it. But you can't lose this. You cannot go broke with this currency. Every act of full expression only adds to what's available. Remember, a freed slave was sitting in a modest school in northern Greece who spoke without notes, without ego, without holding anything back, and a student Arian wrote as fast as he could trying to capture what was being given away so freely. 2000 years later, you are still receiving it. That's the invitation this week. Not to be impressive. Not to be ready, just to stop pretending that you have nothing to give and start spending like someone who finally understands that they can't go broke. And that's the end of this week's Stoic Coffee Break. As always, be kind to yourself, be kind to others, and thanks for listening. Also, if you haven't purchased my book, stoicism 1 0 1, I would really appreciate if you would, you can find out more information on my website@stoic.coffee. Also, if you aren't follow me on social media, you can do so. You can find me on Instagram and threads at Stoic Coffee. As well as Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube at Stoic Coffee, all one word. Thanks again for listening.