Kristi Simons (00:00):

This has always just been generally what everybody does. Everybody gets together, they drink, they do all the things. And I just remember thinking to myself, I just don't want to do this anymore. And I did. I ended up, I stopped breastfeeding my son in order to be able to drink again.

Michelle MacDonald (00:23):

Hi everybody. Welcome to Stronger by Design, and I'd like to introduce you to today's guest, Kristi Simons, who is a podcaster and a coach for teens. Her podcast is Confident Teen. And Kristi, I'd love you to start off with telling us a little bit about your backstory, what it was like for you as a teenager, because I know that was really pivotal in your desire to help other teens to contribute back and help other teens where you felt you were lacking in your own upbringing.

Kristi Simons (01:03):

Yeah. Thank you, Michelle, first of all, for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you today and to have this meaningful conversation. So to start us off, I'm going to start with the question that I ask everybody at the beginning of my podcast, which is, if you could speak to your teen self, what would they need to hear? And I know for my teen self, she really needed to hear that accepting herself was something that was available to her, that was something that was so important to her and something that she was able to cultivate had she had the right space and environment and conversations to do so. And I say this because my teen self always had this deep knowing that there was more out there, I can remember thinking to myself, this can't be it. I truly did believe in something bigger, something greater, and that there truly was magic inside of us and outside of us, this power that we had within.

(02:04):

But she hadn't yet figured out how to tap into that. And again, this was the reason that I felt so disconnected from myself and that I hadn't truly accepted myself when I was a teenager, which led me down a path of, well, really, truly abandoning myself. I ended up with a lot of addictive patterns. I was definitely putting myself in spaces in places that were not serving me, relationships and friendships and just following external influences and never truly listening to myself. And so to fast forward a little bit, when I became a mom for the first time in 2020, this is when everything shattered for me. I had my son and I felt this deep, deep sense of love I had never felt before. And it was just in that moment, this acceptance of who he was and how perfect he was. And I realized in that moment that I had never truly felt that same love for myself.

(03:00):

And it just hit me. And I felt all of these pieces start to shatter. And then over the course of the next few years where we are now in 2025, I have just been putting all of those pieces back together. Some of them were meant to fall away, others were meant to stay, and it was really just about discovering and learning through even just my own coaching journey. So I hired my own coach, Heather Chave, who you know as well, and she really brought me into her world and started to teach me a whole new language, a language I felt like I was never exposed to before. And it was this language of self-love, confidence, and empowerment. And it was right then and there that I realized that this magic, this power that we have within it really truly does exist. I always knew that there was something bigger.

(03:51):

I always knew that there was more. And this is when I really started to tap into it. I was also a former teacher. I taught in school system for over a decade. I think there was another pivotal moment where I just realized they're not teaching this in school. I feel like this needs to be the foundation, emotional intelligence and essential life skills. This is what our teens need. This is what we need to be teaching in the field of education. This should be the foundation and then it's everything else. Because really, truly, when you have beliefs that then create your thoughts that then create the actions you take, and then your reality is made up of that. I was starting to realize that so many of them, myself included, had these beliefs about myself that I wasn't enough, I wasn't accepting myself, and so I wasn't creating the reality that I knew I was capable of living.

(04:47):

And to fast forward a bit more, come full circle now through the coaching program that I was a part of, I ended up leaving that full-time teaching position that I was in for well over a decade. And I took a leap of faith. I started in between maternity leaves because I also had my daughter in 2022. I started tutoring teams on the side. So I was still kind of stuck in my role as a teacher and hadn't yet figured out how to merge the two together. But everything just kind of grew organically. Over the course of the last five years, I ended up transitioning into bringing more of the life coaching into my teaching, and now it has just come full circle, and that is exactly what I do. So I do teach them about emotional intelligence, their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy, which were the keys for me to really unlocking that acceptance that I was searching for from within. And it has completely transformed my life continues to do so, and I'm witnessing the same thing with my clients now today. And it has just been the most incredible journey, challenging, but also just so incredible to be a part of.

Michelle MacDonald (06:00):

It's actually a beautiful journey through traditional teaching. So you were always drawn to teaching, but ultimately through your own healing really, you created maybe a novel career for yourself and where you were able to leave traditional teaching and move into this self-made career. And I think we can all agree that certainly I'm a Gen Xer, so I'm older than you. I guess you're a millennial, right? Or maybe you're on the cusp. I don't know. I'm

Kristi Simons (06:36):

Like, am I? I'm not sure.

Michelle MacDonald (06:38):

Yeah, I think my husband's on the cusp when he was born in 81. He's 43, but we're not taught this. We're not taught these basic skills. And I know you've talked about these basic skills before. And also I love this idea of learning and new language. If we can go through these existential crises and we don't just have one of them, we have a few of them, but if we can go through them with some kind of a framework, some kind of mentorship or coaching, some guidance, it would probably make the outcomes a lot richer or certainly we could pay down that ignorance tax and get to the goods faster. I'd like to talk a little bit about, if you could go back in time, what were some of the warning signs, and especially because now that you're coaching young kids, I'm sure you see these patterns. If you could go back in time, what warning signs would've helped you realize that you needed to make changes earlier?

Kristi Simons (07:42):

For me, what's coming up is just that I felt like I was just living my life in terms of checking all the boxes and figuring out how to do what everybody else was telling me I should be doing. And then once I finally did check all of those boxes, I wasn't feeling the way that I wanted to feel, but back then I wouldn't have had that language. So the warning signs for me were just that I was numbing the way that I was feeling because I didn't want to feel that way. So I was going to teaching, doing all the things, and then I would come home at night and I would just drink all night, all weekend. Sometimes I think back and I'm like, how did I even make it day to day and do the work that I did? And it just became this repetitive cycle for me.

(08:31):

And truly, honestly, even just in terms of the conversations that I have with the clients, the teen clients that I work with, it all comes back to the same thing. I feel like a lot of them find me and come to me because we are very, very similar. They are very much sensitive, emotional, empathetic, and I used to think that that was something that was wrong with me, same as them. It's almost as if we've put, and they've put their hearts in these cages, and there's just so much shame around feeling, especially in terms of the male clients that I work with. And that was really, really it for me is just witnessing how much I was just shutting myself down. I was closing myself off and not knowing that actually on the flip side of that, those were actually my greatest gifts was being able to empathize with other people, was being able to read their energy and pick up on things and certain cues, and really, truly honestly being able to connect with them as well, which is why I feel like my role as a teacher was always something that I really did connect with because helping other individuals, teens especially to feel seen, heard, and understood has always been where I've truly thrived.

(09:47):

So it was really just about seeing that again through a different lens from a different language and new perspective. And I just couldn't see it back then because I was numbing myself to all of those opportunities and possibilities because I felt like I didn't fit in, and that was never actually the case.

Michelle MacDonald (10:03):

Yeah, there's a curse, this push to fit in, and I don't know if you know Dr. Julie Adams. She wrote a book called Why Has Nobody Told Me this before? It's a really, really great book. And she talks about anxiety, and she says, anxiety is this emotional emotion characterized by an inner turmoil. And generally the things that give us instant relief from our anxieties tend to keep us stuck there in the long term. And so her call to action is, you got to learn to face your fears. You got to sit with your emotions and don't get stuck in avoidance. And I feel like that's probably a lot of what underpins your own coaching with teens. Now, just from your own experience and you didn't have anyone to mentor you, you got to sit with these uncomfortable emotions. It's part of growth. You can't run away from it.

Kristi Simons (11:01):

And I love that you bring that up too, because it makes me think of another author. I think it was Martha Beck that talked about anxiety as well, and how anxiety is the killer of creativity. I'm also a very big creative. I've always just identified that way. Even growing up, I love drawing, I love painting, I love writing all of the things, singing, performing, and I feel like anxiety for me really did kill that creativity for so many years. I wasn't tapping into that. And on the flip side, what she talks about is, in fact, when you start to do more things that allow you to feel creative or to fuel that creativity, that is actually where you will see the anxiety start to reduce. And that is also what I am witnessing with my clients. And that being said, it's also a challenge for them though to start to tap into that when they're so used to being in one place versus being in another.

Michelle MacDonald (11:56):

Okay,

Kristi Simons (11:57):

Tell me more about that.

Michelle MacDonald (11:59):

What do you mean being in one place versus

Kristi Simons (12:01):

Another? I'm thinking specifically about a teen, and I know that I have his permission to share this, but we started working together 17 weeks ago, and when he first came to me, he was feeling down. He didn't really have the actual language to put to it yet, but as we spoke more about this just this past week, he was telling me down to him, it was really depressed. He was feeling very depressed and very unmotivated, and he could definitely see now how when he's caught in the worry cycle, that is where he ends up. And so we've just been really focusing on reverse engineering how he wants to feel. So again, this is where I tie in as a teacher. Being a teacher has still come in super handy for me because we used to reverse engineer the expectations that we had for our students in the classroom and getting them to that ultimate goal, that learning the concepts that we wanted them to learn.

(12:49):

So I have taken this model and I am reverse engineering now for my clients how they want to feel, and I can explain how I do that afterwards. But for him, it's just been that consistency and that accountability week to week to ask him, okay, how do you want to feel? So we're leaning out of the anxiety and leaning into possibility over and over and over again to retrain his brain essentially to look for those possibilities. And so now come full circle. At week 17, he was expressing to me just this past week that he is feeling a lot more engaged, a lot more energized, a lot more capable to show up for the things that he wants to. And that's simply because he's just been asking himself on a daily basis, how do I want to feel? So I've been doing this for myself as well, and I feel like it helps to pull me out of that anxiety, that worry cycle that we tend to get stuck in.

(13:42):

And for him specifically, it was just wanting to feel more motivated, wanting to feel proud of something. And so what he started to do now is he started to help family members, his grandpa in particular, to build things in his basement on the side of doing everything else that he has to do with school. And I've just seen such a light in him to be able to one, help somebody that he truly cares about. Two, he's very motivated by money, so that's another aspect of it. But three, also, he's very hands-on and creating things. And building in that way is something that really, really just lights him up and shifts his energy. And again, even just in terms of the money, I'll always ask him, so is it really about the money though? What is it about the money? Why do you want the money? Or why do you do this work? And it always comes back to he wants to feel free, he wants to feel creative, he wants to feel proud. At the end of the day, it's all about how we want to feel and just shifting that energy from within, and then it creates this external reality that we are truly proud of.

Michelle MacDonald (14:47):

I love that. And again, for sure in life, and I know the listeners here are going to agree with me. If you're self-aware and you have that emotional intelligence and you truly love to grow, you're going to face more than one existential crisis where you're really trying to figure it all out. It may be because you're changing careers. It may be because you've moved, you've moved continents, you've moved countries. It could be because you're going through a marital breakdown or losing a loved one where you'll ask yourself, who am I? What are my values? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? And I think we talked earlier about self-love, and I love the words agency really cultivating a sense of agency. And no matter what happens, you're able to take care of yourself. You talk a lot about self-love and that this was a big part of how you piece the pieces back together.

(15:47):

I had love to hear you talk about that more. And I want to preface that because this really struck me. And you're here now just like I'm here now because I overcame so much personally. You are here now because you hit a massive, really a rock bottom. And when you were considering weaning your son, your firstborn so that you could get back to drinking alcohol, get back to numbing yourself, even though I think a part of you was already sensing that there was some stuff there that you had to deal with, your first triggered reaction was, oh my God. Let's just go back to numbing. And I'd love you to talk more about how did you go from that moment wanting to go back to alcohol, to realizing I have work to do. Tell us about the mental breakdowns. Tell us about finding Heather. Tell us about that, because again, this is going to really resonate with the listeners.

Kristi Simons (16:54):

Yeah, so post having my son, I was about eight months into our new journey together, and I just remember the day where I was just like, oh my gosh, enough is enough. I had that original moment where I was like, something needs to change this something is me, and this is when he was born. It's like I tapped into that love. But then over time, it's like you kind of just get back into the swing of things and you kind of get back into that same cycled patterned way of thinking. And I just remember, especially because of external factors and the people that I was surrounding myself with, this has always just been generally what everybody does. Everybody gets together, they drink, they do all the things. And I just remember thinking to myself, I just don't want to do this anymore. And I did.

(17:42):

I ended up, I stopped breastfeeding my son in order to be able to drink again. And it's still a moment that I still have to forgive myself for that. There's still a lot of compassion that I need to give myself looking back at that time. But at the same time, I can just see how broken that version of me was and also how strong she was because she was in that place at one point. To me, that was a rock bottom feeling like I needed to lean back on alcohol and I couldn't provide for my son in the way that a mom should. But there was just so much going on behind the scenes. And I know back then that I was just doing my best. And what really started to shift things for me was when I had my daughter, I realized that I wasn't going to do that again.

(18:42):

And I think that's where a lot of the guilt came from too, is like, oh, my poor son, this happened to him. Why make the change for my daughter? Was he not enough? And that wasn't it. It was because I didn't feel like I was enough and I still hadn't done the internal work to be able to heal in order to show up as my best self for my children. And as you said, this is a journey that never ends. This is, we're constantly learning and growing, and this is what I love that my clients are starting to really understand as well. There's nothing to be fixed. It's just we really need to start to take a look underneath the hood and really start to piece back together who we truly are without all the external noise that has come at us from the day we were born until now.

(19:26):

And so I ended up finding Heather, actually, I didn't find her children went to my school, they went to the grade school that I taught at, and I ended up teaching two of her boys. One of them was in grade one at the time that I found her and was really needing the support. And so I started listening to her podcast, and then I took the leap, I joined her coaching community, and this was again on the maternity leave with my daughter. And I just remember being in that space and it was truly the conversations that I was hearing. It was just being able to share openly with other women, hearing their stories of breakdown to breakthrough and how I wasn't alone. Again, when I spoke in the beginning of really being able to connect with my clients in a level that I can see, hear, and truly understand what they're going through, that's what I felt like I felt so supported in that space.

(20:24):

And that's where I was actually finally open to having more compassion for myself and more forgiveness. So again, you can see how when things were so dark and so heavy, like somebody bringing in that light, I needed somebody to guide me back to that light and that belief that I ultimately always knew was inside of me. I had just lost connection with it. And so Heather's coaching program and all of the women that were in it really taught me how to just come back home to myself and to heal those parts of myself that I needed to in order to step into the person that I am today.

Michelle MacDonald (20:55):

A lot of serendipity there, a lot of magic, a lot of energy. Tell me about body bliss. You mentioned that and in passing, and I'd like, I'd like to understand that more because you did say that that was also a pivotal part of your healing.

Kristi Simons (21:11):

So again, once I was in Heather's world and I kept hearing, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel? I just kept asking myself that over and over again. That was my north star, that was my guiding light. So I would hear things in terms of how do I want to feel? I want to feel free. And so I remember the first time I ever started running and running was something that I hadn't done really ever truly in my life. And again, it all came back to that feeling. And so running was one of them. But then I also had this desire to just be really creative. I've also always really had a desire to use my voice, but that was something that I was terrified to step into because it was something that I had silenced for so long. And so this was before she encouraged me to start my podcast.

(21:57):

I came across this group of women that were writing a collaborative, I want to say almost memoir of all of our own journeys and how we got or got from where we were to where we are now. And this was really in terms of body confidence. So post children, I spoke about in my own chapter in the book, body Bliss, I spoke about just that transformation and how when I was a teenager especially, I really did not love my body. There was no self-love. And this is a recurring theme that I see with my clients too today. So hyper-focused on what other people think about them on their external appearances. And it was the same for me. I can actually remember a time when I was in grade seven and a boy looked at me and just said, you have really big legs. And I remember that always stuck with me. The fact that I had big legs, bigger thighs, bigger than all the other girls was a comment that he made. And I'm talking grade seven that sticks with you.

(23:02):

It's just one of those things that you hear that gets imprinted into your mind and then it doesn't leave. And so over the course of, well, from essentially that moment all the way through high school and into my twenties, I really truly did not take care of myself and did not feel confident in my body because I wasn't fueling it in a way that was truly helping me to thrive. And I wrote a lot about that in the chapter called Body Bliss about how I really had to, again, same thing, reverse engineer how I wanted to feel. And it had nothing to do with the actual external for me. It was all about how I wanted to feel in my, I wanted to feel confident, I wanted to feel healthy, I wanted to feel strong. And the more I focused on how I wanted to feel, it's almost as if those things just kind of naturally started to happen because that's where my energy was going, where your focus goes, your energy flows.

(23:59):

And so I was no longer hating on myself and talking negatively about myself and my body. I learned how to shift the narrative, and that is ultimately what shifted things on the external for me. I actually ended up, after I had my children, I lost over 50 pounds. So that's another really big part of my journey as well. And coming back full circle to the running, once I was able to shed that weight, and again, I say weight, it's still the weight of that comment that one boy made way back when that just kept compiling. And once I was really able to shed that, it's just incredible to me that one thought around running and wanting to feel free then led me to the end of last year running my first ever full marathon, which would have never happened had I not leaned into that first initial whisper that I heard. And yeah, that's still a feat that I'm incredibly proud of as well.

Michelle MacDonald (24:56):

Yeah, a full marathon is no joke. So what came first, it's like the chicken and the egg. What came first, the thought of wanting to be free in your body, wanting to feel strong, wanting to have that body confidence and doing the things, the action steps, doing the things that would give you that outcome. When did you start running?

Kristi Simons (25:24):

So what came first was actually the actions, again, at the beginning of my journey, and I look back now and I see things differently even now, but I remember back then, especially after my two children, knowing I wanted to change, thinking about the running, all the things, I was still so hyper-focused, as are some of my clients on the external piece. So I was being very, very restrictive. And this is just me being completely honest, the 50 pounds, I remember feeling so proud of it back then, but really when I look back, I did not move through that journey, that weight loss journey in the healthiest of ways because it was still about the way that I was talking to myself, pulling the scale out daily, making sure that if I hadn't seen the number decrease that I was then decreasing how much I was eating.

(26:15):

And really just honestly living from a place of lack and scarcity and constantly fearing that I was going to go back to something that I didn't want to be, when in reality, again, it still comes back to I wasn't accepting myself because nothing was changing internally. I was just trying to change things on the external. And then I realized that that was really truly not working. And in saying that, it's just, I can see now how all of those experiences were so important for me to be able to mentor and coach the way that I do now because I've lived them. So I understand how my clients are feeling, and I'm able to guide them through that because I know on the other side, what didn't work for me and what in fact does and how lifelong lasting transformations really do come from within. And it all comes back to how you want to feel and the energy that you are bringing to that.

Michelle MacDonald (27:12):

There's so many layers to this. I mean, as you recant this memory of this kid and who knows what he meant by you have big legs, who knows what he meant. But we're already, as a woman, so conditioned and I think of a, I'm trying to grow my legs. I don't want little legs. And so if somebody said, oh, wow, your legs are big, I'd be like, yeah, and I'd flex them and I'd pose. But my journey has been so unique as an adult female going from being eating disordered and wanting to be skinny to now in my later years as a middle-aged woman wanting to have muscle, that would be a compliment. And if a kid in grade seven said to another boy in grade seven, oh, you got big legs, likewise because of the conditioning, he might have been proud. And like, yeah, I've got big legs. I'm doing all these things to try to have big legs. My brother has big legs. I want big legs. And it's fascinating the journey of humans through context, historical context, cultural context, our own journey. I think all humans go through these sort of cathartic moments or existential crises where we ask those deep, meaningful questions about who we are and all of that. There's no end to it.

Kristi Simons (28:35):

No. And what's coming through for me too though, is just, again, when I spoke of the empathetic, sensitive, just really being able to pick up on people's emotions and the energy that they were projecting at me, I was definitely reading between the lines. I feel like I've always been able to, no matter what somebody would say to me, no matter what, their actions always spoke louder than their words. And I was really able to see and read between the lines and what that actually meant. And also, you're completely right. It was also so much to do with probably the conversations that were happening around me around you need to look a certain way, and if you don't, then it's the wrong way. But in terms of where I'm at today, I feel like my legs, I'm going to give them some love today and some credit, but I feel like they are what they are. They strong because I need to be solid and I need to be grounded in order to do the work that I do. So I'm constantly just reminding myself of that I was given this beautiful vessel that I was, because I'm doing the work that I do today, and I need to really be rooted in my truth and just accepting myself for who I am, so I can help others to do that as well.

Michelle MacDonald (29:51):

I love that. I love that you have been able to tap in, and this is again, it's true for myself and my own ecosystem of woman, is to fall in love with yourself for what you're capable of doing. And of course, that deeper work that I know you've done, which is really, truly loving yourself and having that sense of having a compass and having a purpose in life, it's not about how we look or trying to fit a mold. It's about breaking eggs, going out there and trying things and doing and being as authentic as possible, knowing deep in your heart that you have something important to contribute back to the world.

Kristi Simons (30:34):

And what's been so beautiful, honestly, Michelle, about this entire journey, and I spoke of it a little bit too in the beginning, is just that magic. I knew that if I just accepted myself, there was so much more to life. I was like, magic exists. I can feel it. I've always been a feeler. I get goosebumps right now just as we're sitting having this conversation. And this is truly what has been the biggest blessing for me, is just coming to all of these realizations and having all these incredible experiences over the past five years where I just know that there is something so much bigger at play. Something that has always, always been trying to get my attention and to guide and lead me in this direction. And I feel like I'm finally now just actually hearing and tapping into that voice, that connection, that source, that love, God, whatever you want to call it. And I didn't have any of that before. I felt it. I always knew there was something, but I really just was disconnected from it and always numbing it, shoving it aside. And so that has really been the beauty of this entire journey for me, has just been being able to open myself up to that, to those possibilities and just to something greater than myself that is here guiding me, supporting me, and just loving me along the way.

Michelle MacDonald (31:54):

I think that's so beautiful. You have the second guest I've had on the podcast who's talked about magic. Carol Elizabeth, who is a client of mine as well, but she also is a business coach, and she just wrote a book about falling in love with your magic and believing in magic. So I think a lot of people, or maybe all people that are on a growth journey, come to the conclusion that you have to be self-aware, you have to love yourself or do the things that would allow you to love yourself, the deeper work, and to find purpose in your life. Let's wrap up on that note. And guys, we're going to come back next episode and we're going to dive deeper into going from survival to leadership and coaching teams. We're going to get into the actual coaching, coaching teams through transformation, and we'll talk about your podcast, the Confident Team.