Tiffany Owen (00:00):

I found out my dad wasn't my real dad when I was 29. I was conceived by an anonymous sperm donor from a sperm bank, so my mom had lied to me my entire life.

Michelle MacDonald (00:16):

Welcome to Stronger By Design Guys. I'm here with Tiffany Owen, who has an incredible book and an incredible story to share with you are all. I'm excited to have her on the show. Her book is called Wounded to Warrior, and as exactly as the title describes, this woman went through years and years, decades of turmoil, addiction, abortion, multiple divorces, I mean you name it. She's been through it and relatively recently truly entered a life of sobriety and truly radically owned her story. And so I'm really excited to have her on the show and share with you a lot of her, well share her story, but also her tools, her strategies that some of you listening might benefit from either directly because you understand what it's like to be going through that state of turmoil and confusion. Or maybe it's your daughter or it's a sister or it's a friend. So without further ado, Tiffany, welcome to the show.

Tiffany Owen (01:20):

I am so excited to be here. I cannot wait to give your listeners hope and inspiration that that's my goal for this conversation.

Michelle MacDonald (01:31):

Let's dive in. I really want people to understand who you are and where you come from. You've been through an immense amount of hardship. When I first started reading your book, I was thinking, well, being left at home, it's not a big deal. But then every page it is kind of like, oh my God. And then that happened, and then that happened. And honestly, as a woman, I've been through a lot of those things too, including sexual abuse, right? Abortion. So let's dive in. Share a bit of your background story, why you ended up so many young women chasing perfection, finding value and trying to fit into a box, being perfect, doing all the things, going from acceptance to rejection, going from alcohol to pills, being so confused. How can I be perfect enough for my husband? How can I be perfect enough for my children? Let's dive into that

Tiffany Owen (02:26):

So my mind goes a little bit blank when you're, okay. Well, where did you start? Because like you said, there's so much to my trauma and journey, and I want to start with the woman that you're looking at today is not the person I was just two and a half years ago. I tried to kill myself for the fourth time two and a half years ago,

(02:49):

And I've hit several rock bottoms, but this was actually my final rock bottom. So if you're listening and you're at your rock bottom, congratulations because that is a great place to be and that is where transformation starts. But I've come a long way in two and a half years. I am a fitness and mindset coach, very much like you. We have the same mission, very similar, and I love that about you, but I had to do a lot of work on me and take a lot of personal responsibility and participate in my own rescue to get to where I am today.

Michelle MacDonald (03:32):

You look so successful On the outside, you had the marriages, which when they were working, they were working. Can you tell us a bit more about some of the stuff that you were dealing with and what that cycle looked like for you? Because I think this is important to hear because a lot of us can resonate with that. It's two steps forward, two steps back, and at some point you're like, I just want to tap out.

Tiffany Owen (03:55):

So I was absolutely in a victim mindset. Life was happening to me, not for me. Everything was happening to me. I was living in a place of a victim mindset and very much I was a victim. So maybe you're a victim if you're listening, things have happened to you. But I was continuing to abuse myself and and I just carried it throughout my life. The first time I tried to kill myself, I was 16. I was in a very abusive, toxic relationship. I pretty much raised myself. My parents worked a lot and left me home alone. I started experimenting with alcohol and prescription pills very early. I was a perfectionist and overachiever at a very young age because I wanted attention so bad. Any attention was good, even in my abusive relationships. So that was an addiction in itself. And by the time I was 29, I had been married three times to three abusive men, and I never wanted that for myself.

(05:11):

I didn't want any of the divorces. So I was very functional, kind of like we were talking about before. We pressed record, very functional. I was top 10% of my class. I worked. I was very successful personal trainer and group fitness instructor on the outside, you probably couldn't tell that I was just really dying inside. And I would go to sleep most nights of the week and ask God to just let me go to sleep and not wake up. I found out my dad wasn't my real dad when I was 29. I was conceived by an anonymous sperm donor from a sperm bank. So my mom had lied to me my entire life. My brother, who I thought was my brother, raped me when I was 23. And my mom basically said, I don't know what part you had in it. When I told her, and she didn't even tell me that my dad wasn't my real dad, so she let me believe that my brother raped me. Rape is rape, but it would've helped a little bit better had I known my dad wasn't my real dad. I have tons of half siblings that have the same donor. That's a whole nother story. I became addicted to giving and serving. I was doing tons of mission trips. I was trying to fill this void in my life to fill better about myself. I donated 65% of my liver to a str read that cancer. That's extreme giving, and that is a form of narcissism too. And I talk about it in the book.

(06:45):

I didn't realize that, but that's what I was doing. I wanted to feel good and get that high from helping people that I was really doing it for the wrong reasons, if I'm truly honest.

Michelle MacDonald (06:58):

Let's talk about this piece a little bit more. And guys, again, the book is called Wounded to Warrior. And if any of this is resonating with you, I know even my clients have some family members', some daughters to be truthful, that are really struggling with addiction and not optimal behaviors, a lot of self-sabotage and all that. And it's kind of a confusing space to be in, I think too, when you're a mother and you care and love so deeply for your daughter, so you'll probably pick up a lot and maybe be able to understand and have more compassion for what it's like to be in this space, not know up from down and left from. But I think you had been talking about how you were unable to find value in and of yourself. You had to source it elsewhere. The goalpost was always moving, the yard stick was always changing. You were attracted to these relationships, which foundationally we're ever going to give you that fulfillment. And indeed, now where you're sitting, that fulfillment has to come from yourself. But controlling your environment and setting yourself up for success is key to that. And part of you is drawn to these relationships where the assumption was you weren't worthy actually, and you were attracted to somebody who was going to treat you like that.

Tiffany Owen (08:22):

Yeah. So the longest ential ever travel is between your head and your heart. Love that. Yeah, I would go to therapy and you just have to love yourself. Well, that sounds really good, but how do you do that? Because I wanted to do that. I wanted to fill that, but I didn't know how to do it. And journaling and go into counseling and stopping drinking or whatever. It didn't work. I didn't love myself anymore.

Michelle MacDonald (08:54):

Well, there's good research actually that shows that just looking in the mirror and saying, I'm great. It doesn't actually give us the outcomes that we want. We've got to learn to sit with our uncomfortable feelings and understand ourselves, not try to pretend everything's perfect.

Tiffany Owen (09:09):

And your environment absolutely shapes you. And I didn't realize this. So what I love about what we're talking about today is these are things that I didn't know that are action steps that I share in my book that you can take, that you'll learn to love yourself. Self-discipline is a form of self-love. Shaping your environment to support your goals is so important. And taking personal responsibility. I love Wayne Dyer, and I love what he says. He always talks about taking responsibility, and he says it means to respond with ability, I believe. And I had to accept that we have a part in everything we do. And in my book, I go through owning my part, and that doesn't let the person off the hook that did the thing to me, but it helped me heal and get my power back and see them with compassionate eyes because hurt people hurt people. And

(10:16):

That is where my healing started when I had to look at myself and say, what part did you have? And it kind of like my mom asked me and it triggered me, but what part? Well, I was drinking and I blacked out drunk. That was my part in that. I shouldn't have been doing that. There's so much power in taking responsibility.

Michelle MacDonald (10:37):

So what was the specific moment or realization that changed everything for you, really? Because again, guys, if you read the book, it's several moments where you had some kind of a clarity, but then you went back underwater, right? Where did you finally go, oh my God, this is it. And that changed direction.

Tiffany Owen (11:01):

I believe that the universe, God, whatever you believe in, will whisper to you and give you signs that you need to change or something. You need to quit something. There's signs, and if you ignore them, then the universe or God, it will turn into a scream. So I was ignoring them. I knew I needed to not drink so much, but I had built this amazing business. I was making six figures. I was working out every day. Everybody was taken care of. So I justified my behavior. I didn't get DWIs, thank God. I didn't have any real big consequences other than the way I felt inside with my drinking. So I continued to self-sabotage and drink most nights of the week, and I ignored it. And I knew I, I needed to quit, but I didn't want to. I wasn't ready. And two and

Michelle MacDonald (12:06):

A half satisfying a need, right?

Tiffany Owen (12:07):

Yeah. Well, because I wanted to change the way I felt, right? So the alcohol or if you have a food addiction, whatever your addiction is, it's just a symptom. It's just the thing that you're using to change the way you feel. Because I couldn't do it naturally and I needed to heal. So two and a half years ago, I drank way too much. Some things happened with my, I have four kids and I'm a new grandma. So one of my kids stopped talking to me, my middle son, I've got 13-year-old twins and 18-year-old and a 23-year-old. And so something went down that just devastated me. And so I binge drink for a week, and my husband finally had enough, and he never gets mad at me. My husband loves me so much. And then there was probably a part of him that he was enabling me. He was very much codependent. And when he had finally had enough, I knew I had two options. I could keep doing what I was doing or I could lose everything. And in that moment, I felt like I couldn't fight anymore. I was so tired. And I overdosed on pills. And he checked me in to the hospital for a psychiatric hold. And he told me, Tiffany, you can't come home. You can't come home. And you,

Michelle MacDonald (13:43):

That's hard for a spouse to do because he loved you, right? I mean, I see in your book he was your true soulmate. God sent you to each other. You both found each other at a retreat, and you simultaneously ended up being single. The reason you were at the retreat was to savior each other's marriages. And then

(14:01):

Nothing happened. But yeah,

Tiffany Owen (14:02):

So I knew he meant business because that is not something, he never has stood up to me like that. And thank God

Michelle MacDonald (14:13):

He's never stood up to the part of you.

(14:16):

Has never stood up to the party. He loved you so much.

Tiffany Owen (14:19):

Yea

Michelle MacDonald (14:19):

hWhat gets in the way of that dynamic is it's almost like two people in one, right? There's the part of you that's the victor, and that is doing the right thing and is full of love and is creating and doing. But then that other side, which is you're chained to, and that part of you, that's the saboteur that is showing up and ruining everything. And it's hard to say to us somebody you love. That's it. You either fix this or I'm out and I'm taking the kids. I don't know if he said that, but

Tiffany Owen (14:50):

Yeah. Yeah, he did. He did.

Michelle MacDonald (14:52):

Yeah.

Tiffany Owen (14:52):

Okay. And so if you're listening and there's someone in your life that you need to give tough love to do it because he did save my life, because had he not given me an ultimatum, I probably wouldn't be thriving like I am now. You would've

Michelle MacDonald (15:13):

Kept going on doing the same thing because party was getting away

Tiffany Owen (15:15):

With it. I need consequences. We need consequences. And so I got to go to an amazing rehab. I got to go to a trauma treatment center. I was very blessed to be able to do those things. But

Michelle MacDonald (15:29):

It wasn't your first trip to a rehab center.

Tiffany Owen (15:33):

My first time, I've been twice. My first time was in, I was 28. I went to a 90 day treatment center to again save my family, and that was for prescription pills. I was addicted to any, I remember kind of prescription that would give me energy and my experience recently versus that totally

Michelle MacDonald (15:56):

Different relationship.

Tiffany Owen (15:57):

Totally different

Michelle MacDonald (15:58):

Awareness. Do you want to talk about that

Tiffany Owen (15:59):

A little bit? Yes. My support, awareness, I had been introduced to the world of personal development like five years ago, podcasts like yours. So these podcasts have saved my life. So if you're listening to this podcast, share it and give it a five star review because people need to know that this help is out there. I had that. I took that with me. I didn't have that in my twenties. And so I was ready to be open to everything and attached to nothing open to thinking differently. I had to give myself permission to think differently. And that is a big part of what started my transformation.

Michelle MacDonald (16:45):

I love that. So some key differences, if I can repeat and correct me if I get it wrong, there's a lot going on, Tiffany, in your twenties, I mean younger, you didn't have the exposure to the self-help world of podcasts and books. You're talking about Dwyer and Dispenza and all of that, and I'm sure litany and more. I love Tony Robbins as well. Mel Robbins is fabulous, so we can take that for granted. But even 10, well, 20 years ago, that wasn't the reality. You might be lucky and go to a live event, but you even have to have your RES turned on to look for that kind of stuff,

Tiffany Owen (17:20):

Right? Yes.

Michelle MacDonald (17:20):

You were in a different relationship, right? It was with Nick, was it?

Tiffany Owen (17:25):

Yeah, that's the name I gave him.

Michelle MacDonald (17:28):

Yes. Gotcha.

Tiffany Owen (17:29):

Yes.

Michelle MacDonald (17:31):

And he just kept leaving you. I mean, it just sounded so unstable and just like, ah, you'll never know where you stand with me. And again, it's a two-way street, right? You own part of that story, you know that. But still here you are highly functional. Part of you is just, I call it emulation, right? Again, that's my experience. I woke up in the morning, I'd have all this hope and excitement for the day, and then three hours later, I'm just stabbing myself. And it's the worst kind of feeling, I think, because, well, for me, it's one of the worst kinds of feelings because literally, as you said, you're out of of integrity. You cannot trust yourself. And that's where I tried to commit suicide too. You're just like, I can't do this. I can't. What's the point when tomorrow it's going to be the same thing and I can never get out and I don't know how to help myself.

(18:25):

So when we fast forward to it more recently, again, we're so blessed to have access to all this great help online for free. And then also therapy now has become so destigmatized and there's different kinds of therapy, different flavors. You can do it online too. So there's a lot more opportunity, this culture of self-awareness and ownership of your outcomes and owning your narrative. It's very empowering. We're not talking about spending all this time digging around in your past. Get there if you agree, learn what you need to learn so you can grow and be the empowered version of yourself that is busting to come out.

Tiffany Owen (19:11):

That reminds me of another favorite Wayne Dyer quote. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. So when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. So if I can take any tragedy or bad moment and say, what did I learn and what did this make possible, then that means life is happening for me because you can turn everything into a win. So I didn't hang out, revisiting my past and talk therapy did not work for me. It just didn't. I let it go. What did I learn? And now we move forward. It's in the past for a reason. Now we don't want to repeat it, so I'm going to learn from it and move forward and I'm going to change the way I'm looking at it. And then you get to create the rest of the story. It's really up to you

Michelle MacDonald (20:08):

That so mirrors my own experience learning, and even on a daily basis, of course, for me, and maybe it's the same for you, probably the spectrum of my pain points is much more normal, although as we agree, what we went through is actually quite normal, which is very disturbing for women. And I can't speak for men, but I know for women it's very disturbing how we're conditioned and the things that we're exposed to on a regular basis. But as an adult, I talk to myself with that same voice of, alright, this thing happened. It feels bad, but is it, and how can we look at this situation? Allows me to grow from it on fairly, I would almost say daily basis. I look at things and how can I learn? How can I shift my perspective?

Tiffany Owen (20:54):

Well, and it is daily. You have to contend for the best version of you sometimes every minute. It's not a one and done. We've arrived. It's something you have to continue to fight for because the old narrative will try to sneak back in

Michelle MacDonald (21:11):

And

Tiffany Owen (21:11):

It's very easy to drift very.

Michelle MacDonald (21:14):

How is this different from perfectionism, right? Because we don't want to be, I don't know. I don't think we want to be looking at situations going, oh, how can I be perfect here? Because that's also a trap. How can we be okay with, I'm sure you must coach this with your gals because we're never going to be perfect. We shouldn't want to be perfect. We always want to be the best version of ourselves, but we want to be very nuanced about that because it is a trap, especially for girls, for women, this desire to fit into this perfect box and where that valuation is always external. How are you measuring up to X, Y, Z?

Tiffany Owen (21:55):

I haven't thought about that in a long time, to be honest with you. I think define perfectionism because I think there is, you can use it in a negative way of almost like an obsession of unrealistic expectations for yourself. But I know that I can be almost perfect, and I have a few non-negotiables that I'm going to do every day. And it doesn't mean that I'm going to do them perfectly, but I'm going to do them even when I don't feel like it. So I'm not sure that, and perfectionism gives you a false sense of control over things that you're not really in control of, in my opinion.

Michelle MacDonald (22:46):

I think it goes back to a feeling at the end of the day, words, we can get lost in words, in their exact meaning. But from those days when you were being the perfect mother and trying to be there for everyone and do things perfectly and looking for the applause for doing so much so well, and then having to fuel that with pills, right? Ultimately it, it's not where you're going to find fulfillment.

Tiffany Owen (23:15):

Yea

Michelle MacDonald (23:16):

So I feel like it's more about the feelings you're looking for and not making the mistake that happiness and abundance is going to come from fitting perfectly into this box or doing all these things perfectly.

Tiffany Owen (23:28):

Yea

Michelle MacDonald (23:28):

You have the rituals that you're doing and those are things that are setting you up for success, but you're after a feeling and that feeling ultimately comes from within you in that first primal assumption, I belong, I deserve, I'm enough, or whatever the language is you're going to use. Right? So in your book, you talk a lot about mindset. I do too. Love. It plays a crucial role in healing. What were some of the mental shifts that helped you truly start your transformation?

Tiffany Owen (24:00):

Taking personal responsibility for everything in our life. And as hard as that may be, it's crucial. Then I think really making sure that you are in an environment that supports your best self and your goals. And that may be hard for some of you who could be in an abusive relationship. Maybe you're in a toxic work environment. Some of those things we don't have control over, but a lot of them we do. So I think creating an environment that supports you and your goals, and that may mean making some new friends. That may mean setting really hard boundaries with family and friends that are toxic to you and don't bring out the best you. And that's really tough for people because we are like the top five people that we hang around. It's just the truth. And so I had to sever ties with a lot of people. I had to stop going to a lot of places. I had to really kind of put myself in a protective bubble for a little bit. So environment is crucial because if you're working on yourself and then going back into a toxic environment, it will be undone because your environment shapes you. It's not the other way around. Unfortunately.

Michelle MacDonald (25:23):

I know my husband, he's a many years, na, like 23 I think, and he had to just, he tried to keep things going with his friends, but he just finally, they were at a party and they were doing stuff in front of him and he's like, there's no support here, so I'm going to have to

Tiffany Owen (25:41):

End this. That's a tough one. And we do have the power to rewire our brain and create new neuro pathways. And I highly recommend researching that. I listened to a lot of Joe Dispenza's stuff and I have been for years. And knowing the science behind it and educating myself on how that's possible made it easier for me to do. So knowledge is power. So if you can dig into how your brain works and how this works, it's easier to put into action. In my opinion.

Michelle MacDonald (26:23):

I was interviewing a great gal, Michelle Beatty, love her, and she was talking, she also as a fitness gal as well as a practicing neuroscience scientist. And she talks about when you're lifting weights, staying very present versus just banging out the wrap, staying very present and noticing how you're feeling as you're going through the rep, the repetition, whether it's squatting or deadlifting or it could be a lap pulled in or something. And that actually is greasing the groove of staying conscious, staying in your physical body, paying attention to what you're feeling in your physical body. It's neuro introspection. And then you take that which is a skill. You're practicing it during training, it amplifies the growth that you're having there, and then you transfer that into other parts of your life where you need to stop, check how you're feeling, and then stay in that very conscious state. Do you have some tools like that that you use to yourself? Yes. Yeah. Okay.

Tiffany Owen (27:26):

I'm like, oh, I'm so glad you reminded me that I do this. Most of this stuff I have been doing so consistently it is my new normal and I forget that I'm doing it. That is one thing that I do a lot is I say to myself, and this might sound very too simple, but it works for me. There is nothing real but this present moment. So I've struggled with anxiety and a lot of mental health issues my entire life. And in a big reason of why I drank a lot was to take the edge off from the panic feeling. So I have learned how to ground myself with different breath work and then literally saying, there is nothing real, but this present moment. So if I am thinking about the future or shaming myself about the past or worried about the past, I'm not in the moment. So first I check that, what am I thinking about? Thinking about what you're thinking about? That's another tool I'm thinking about what I'm thinking about and then bringing

Michelle MacDonald (28:38):

The line back in.

Tiffany Owen (28:40):

And I literally say, there's nothing real but this present moment. And that kind of pulls me back in. And sometimes I have to say that to myself every hour. And I also do shift breathing. I do a lot

Michelle MacDonald (28:55):

With shift. What is shift breathing? I've never heard of that.

Tiffany Owen (28:57):

Yeah. Okay, tell me more. Oh, I'm excited. Okay. So shift breathing is just a type of breath work where you breathe in through your nose for four counts. You hold your breath for seven counts, and then you breathe out through your mouth, you breathe, what if I pass out? Well, like you're breathing through a straw for

(29:19):

Eight to 10 counts. So it's a grounding exercise. And I actually have a necklace, and you can find these on Amazon. They're called shift breathing necklaces. So it's in for four counts. Hold your breath for about seven. Seven. Wow. It's not really that long. Okay, I'm

Michelle MacDonald (29:36):

From yoga. That sounds a little advanced, but you think beginners can do it or do you have to acclimatize yourself?

Tiffany Owen (29:42):

It's not that long. Five to seven seconds, whatever. Gotcha. Just

Michelle MacDonald (29:45):

Seconds it, hold it for a long time

Tiffany Owen (29:47):

And then

Michelle MacDonald (29:49):

Slowly exhale,

Tiffany Owen (29:50):

Slowly breathe out and then repeat. But the necklace looks like a little straw and it's like you're breathing through a straw and it actually lowers your heart rate. So I do that a lot almost daily. And meditation as well, every single morning.

Michelle MacDonald (30:11):

What kind of meditation?

Tiffany Owen (30:13):

I love Joe Dispenza meditations that I started with him over three years ago. I have a huge library of Joe Dispenza meditations. They work for me. But there are a lot of different apps out there.

(30:29):

If You're a beginner, there's an app called Waking Up. It's a beginner. It teaches you how to meditate. Joe Dispenza maybe a little bit more advanced to start with, but that's kind of where I fell into and I didn't know anything else. But there are tons of apps that introduce you to five, 10 minute meditations. I do 30 minutes to an hour. That's pretty long. But

Michelle MacDonald (30:55):

Just start with, did you start there or do you start smaller?

Tiffany Owen (30:58):

I started with one that was 30 minutes. I didn't know any better.

Michelle MacDonald (31:02):

What would you recommend your clients?

Tiffany Owen (31:04):

Yeah, five minutes.

Michelle MacDonald (31:05):

Five minutes, right. Make it easy, James. Clear talks about that. Make it easy. Make it obvious.

Tiffany Owen (31:09):

Yeah. So meditation means to become familiar with. So the biggest deal in meditation, do not judge yourself. There is no bad meditation. You are literally thinking about what you're thinking about. So thoughts will come in and thoughts will go. And when you find that you are going to thinking about like, oh, I got to check that email. I need to go to the grocery store.

Michelle MacDonald (31:36):

No, that's me.

Tiffany Owen (31:37):

Yeah, yeah. So that's where our mind goes. The to-do list, right? That just means you are addicted to the emotion attached to that thought.

Michelle MacDonald (31:47):

Love it.

Tiffany Owen (31:48):

You're addicted to the emotion. Okay, so that's awareness. So I'm becoming aware and eventually those thoughts don't come in as much. So I've been practicing for about three years now, and some days it's a little harder than others, but just knowing that there is no bad meditation and focusing on your breathing and knowing that, just let the thought come and let it go. But five minutes probably is good. And then work up from there.

Michelle MacDonald (32:19):

Yeah. Do you do anything else like journaling or affirmations, declarations, nudge. So

Tiffany Owen (32:27):

That's one of the biggest things that has saved my life, I think, is I created a new narrative in my head. So we are all having a conversation with ourselves. Most of the time it's negative, especially if women, men do it too, but women. And then whether you've been through big trauma or smaller trauma, trauma is trauma. And it can really make us have a lot of negative. So in my book, in the last chapter, I actually give instructions on how to write. It's not just an affirmation paragraph, it's also a declaration paragraph. And I give an instruction list on how to write this. And it starts by basically brain dumping all of the negative things that you say to yourself. And this has been really hard for some of my clients because that's a hard place to go to when you have to write on paper the ugly things that you say to yourself.

(33:29):

And I've even asked them to ask your husband or your kids, because a lot of times we're putting ourselves down and we don't even realize it. Gosh, I'm just so stupid. So this I'm, so that we're labeling ourselves. Then we turn that around by, well, what's the opposite of that? So I'm ugly, I'm stupid. Well, I'm intelligent, I'm beautiful. So I started for me with all of these adjectives that described who I aspired to be, because I didn't feel it. It felt silly, but this is who I wanted to be. I know who I don't want to be. That's pretty easy. But who do you want to be? And then I believe in the power of manifestation and putting things out there that you want to happen. And so that's where I'm declaring what my future self is going to be. And I also put a lot of mantras in my paragraph.

(34:34):

I can do hard things. I pivot easily. Everything always works out for me. I say that all throughout the day. I'm the dominant force in my life. Putting mantras in your paragraph is so important because I pull from those things all throughout my day. I'm a warrior, I'm limitless. I write this paragraph every single morning. And so it has become my new narrative. And so when I'm working out, I'm an athlete. I look like a fitness model. I trained like an athlete. That's all in my paragraph. And three years ago, I did not believe that, but I believe it today because I've spent the time writing it every single morning. And I have my clients do the same thing. But there's examples of my paragraph is in the book and it evolves. It can change. And it's a living document. So as you grow, you can change up your paragraph. And I've got some of my clients, their paragraphs are in my book as well.

Michelle MacDonald (35:36):

Yeah. How do you stay consistent even on the hard days? Tell us about the hard days. How do you get through them? Because again, we got to normalize like this is life. It's not about being perfect. It's showing up on all the days, doing the best with what you have available, what resources, energy you have available.

Tiffany Owen (35:52):

Yeah. So if you're starting out and you don't love yourself, and if you need to do it for your children, if you need to do it for your spouse, if you need find someone that you need to, we would follow through with a commitment that we made to our best friend or our kids. So have someone hold you accountable. I think accountability, especially in the beginning, maybe even the first six months to a year of trying to change, that's crucial. Checking in with someone because in the beginning you can't trust yourself and just go ahead and accept that because you probably are not used to following through with anything that you say you're going to do. And it starts with one day at a time. So like I said before, I look at this as life or death, and I am grateful that I have clients that I want to be congruent. I want to live a congruent life. And this is another thing, put yourself out there and tell people what you're doing. You're more likely to follow through with something like this if people know that you're doing

Michelle MacDonald (37:04):

It. Make it public, right?

Tiffany Owen (37:05):

Yeah. Make it public and put it on a bigger platform than this is actually recommended. This is an amazing book. Willpower Doesn't Work. Ben

Michelle MacDonald (37:17):

Hardy's. Oh, Benjamin Hardy.

Tiffany Owen (37:18):

Yes. Okay, amazing. So he talks

Michelle MacDonald (37:20):

About great book, guys.

Tiffany Owen (37:22):

So put it on a public platform that you are going to be making changes. So you set yourself up for success and have accountability, not just to yourself, with someone else. And look at it as I'm participating in my rescue. This is life or death, and I am too afraid to go back because I can't afford to do that.

Michelle MacDonald (37:47):

Tiffany, thank you so much. I'll definitely want to pick this conversation up again. There's so much more I'd love to tease out of you, and I'm cheering for you. So it's been a year and a half or two and a half years

Tiffany Owen (37:59):

No, it'll be three years in June.

Michelle MacDonald (38:01):

Three years in June. So that's a lot of time now, and you're well supported with what you do as well with work. I feel that way with my clients.

(38:10):

But I'm cheering for you and I'm going to stay in touch with you. Thanks for coming to the show. Yeah,

Tiffany Owen (38:14):

Thank you for having me.

Michelle MacDonald (38:15):

Congratulations on being a new grandma.

Tiffany Owen (38:18):

Yeah, thank you.