The Blackwash
Making cultural & historical commentary on social issues. Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by colour!
The Blackwash
Confronting racial preferences: The 5 P’s of Preferacial Dating
This episode doesn't just scratch the surface; it examines the "poor race esteem trinity" of texturism, featurism, and colourism, and their profound effects on self-image and partner selection. We navigate through the murky waters of "porn preference" and "plantation perpetuation," recognizing how history underscores lingering racial biases. By peeling back the layers of "post-colonial social mobility" and dissecting the "pick and mix" mentality, this session aims to foster self-awareness and challenge destructive societal norms, prompting a movement towards transformation and understanding.
What's going on people? My name is Ken Kawasaki and welcome to the Black Wash. If you have been following me on social media, you know that this is a long time overdue. I have been teasing the idea of me doing a podcast on my IG and TikTok lives for a while and consistently I get comments about oh, I missed your live, is there a replay? Can I watch it back? I get people saying, oh, this should be a podcast, but I've never really committed to it, and the reason why is that I like the interaction I can see in the comments while I'm sharing different topics. However, I am aware of the importance of people being able to replay it back, send it to their friends, etc. And, as a result, I am here of the importance of people being able to replay it back, send it to their friends, etc. And, as a result, I am here now introducing to you, for the very first time, the black wash.
Speaker 1:Now you may be thinking Kane, what does that mean? Where did you get that from? So it was inspired by a phrase that I saw, and it says laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color, says laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color. Now, the reason why that inspired me is, firstly, the imagery and the connotations that it conjures up. So the idea that we probably have all experienced putting on a white wash, putting on the colored wash and putting on the black wash. But going a little bit deeper into the concept of that title, the black wash, it's the idea that you know, we have cultural nuances that need to be explored and to add theory to it, and that is why I created the black wash. So a little bit about who I am my name is kane kawasaki and I am a black historian and cultural theorist. And today's topic is exploring a cultural theory that I have created and it's called the five p's of preferential dating. Now, chances are you haven't heard of that word before, and the reason being is because I have created that word and essentially what it is is sandwiching together the word preference and the term interracial so preferential dating and it's all based around the idea of UK black men dating outside of their race.
Speaker 1:Now, I often avoid hotly debated topics such as this, and the reason why is because it's been so weaponized online and it can be so triggering for some, and part of what I do is I don't want to add to the unnecessary discourse. However, I did notice something and I noticed that any time I have a speaking engagement and it can be totally unrelated to the idea of interracial dating. So, for example, at my TED talk, I was sharing one of my theories the three P's of cultural appropriation. That's on YouTube. If you haven't seen it, check it out. The three p's of cultural appropriation that's on youtube. If you haven't seen it, check it out.
Speaker 1:And while I was there, obviously, as I told you, the topic was cultural appropriation. However, afterwards, when people was coming to talk to me, I had quite a few black guys randomly ask my opinion on interracial dating. Further to this, I had a talk around wind rush day for bloomberg in central London and similarly, someone came up to me and asked my opinion on interracial dating. So what that, let me know, is we often talk about there being lots of men with mics, and for the longest time. The reason why I didn't do a podcast is because I was thinking I don't want to add to the idea of oh, this is another man with a mic.
Speaker 1:However, through those, I realized that I needed to create a theory to help people navigate this often hotly debated conversation. So I'm stepping out, guys, and I'm being bold, and one of the things I want to challenge is the rebuttal of we don't need any more men with mics. What the rebuttal should actually be is that we need the right men to be holding the mic, because what we're seeing at the moment is the trauma blamers are the men who are holding the mic. The trauma bonders are the men who are listening to the men with the mic. Then the trauma builders the people trying to rectify the situation are often the women. However, I know, in regards to this conversation of men with mics, the trauma builders need to be majority men and they're out there, but we need to make sure that we're uplifting those who are promoting a positive and forward thinking, healthy conversation in regards to dating, because what the trauma blamers are doing is that they're actually profiting from our pain and they're often speaking from a place of personal experience, and what they're doing is that they're creating hypothesis, which is basically a proposed explanation made on the basis of limited information, as a starting point for further investigation. But they aren't doing the further investigation and my hope is that, through sharing my theory, that will be the further investigation, so, once again, we can facilitate these conversations healthfully and hopefully move forward from this discourse.
Speaker 1:So before we begin, I want to start with a very simple disclaimer, and that disclaimer is simply this please put your weapons down, trauma builders. You don't have to fight here. You're not going to be racially gaslit. You are in safe hands. This is my five P's of preferential dating.
Speaker 1:So the first P is person. Now, for my kinesthetic learners, this is a green flag and it is green on the traffic light system. And this is essentially where you're dating the person and not the preference. There is something about that person. It may be that you were platonic friends first and then it progressed into eros love. It may be that your morals, your ideals, your aspirations they all align. You are dating the person and not the preference. I want you to ask yourself a critical question, self-reflect have you dated your own race before? If the answer to that question is no, you cannot and do not fall into this category. In terms of preferential dating, dating for the person tends to be the most healthy and the most long term. A further word of caution if your race comes into play emotionally, so during an argument or a disagreement. Equally, if your race comes into play sexually in the bedroom, chances are they're not dating the person, but they are actually dating the preference the person, but they are actually dating the preference.
Speaker 1:The second P is pool P O O L, and for my kinesthetic learners this one is coloured in yellow for cautionary. So, cain, what do you mean by pool? Essentially, it means the dating pool is, or was, limited. I've got a number of black and mixed race friends who grew up in the countryside outside of London, outside our major cities, and they often have the story of being the only black person in their area and or school. As a result, what often happens is that within those areas there's prevailing racial attitudes that, mixed in with accessibility, can often strongly influence prefer racial dating. I would say that this part of the theory is more so relevant to millennials and the generations beforehand because obviously now, in regards to accessibility, we have social media and dating apps. The third P is actually quite close to my heart because I've witnessed it. The third P is poor race esteem, and this one's also coloured in yellow as a cautionary tale.
Speaker 1:Now, in order to discuss this one, we need to dig into our history. It started with external hatred and this was brought about through things such as the transatlantic slave trade and colonialism. It then progressed into intra group hatred, intra being spelled I-N-T-R-A, and we saw this manifested with the house slave and the work or field slave Fast forward. We still see intra group hatred growing up in the playground. As a millennial, I witnessed african versus caribbean and I want to give a trigger warning because I'm going to share some of the playground rhetoric that I heard growing up as a millennial in London. I heard things such as picky head, rubber lips, blick, african, boo boo, and these were all examples, and are examples, of intra groupgroup hatred, and I think some of us was actually suffering with Negro phobia. We were perpetuating that same intra-group hatred that was developed between the house slave and the field slave, and I often heard my grandmother say things such as you're black like pot butter or you think you're too nice because you're red, spewing intra-group hatred.
Speaker 1:And to see how that has manifested in some people's dating their prefer racial dating, them choosing to date to make sure that their child doesn't experience the same things that they experienced so often they procreate with a white person, hoping that they don't have the same textured hair, hoping that they don't have the same features and hoping that they have a lighter hue. These people are essentially experiencing the poor race esteem trinity, which includes texturism, featurism and colorism, ie poor race esteem about your hair, your facial features and your skin color. Unholy trinityinity, remember. The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. An all-encompassing, free-sided shape that's not easy to break free from and quite often these people have not done the work and maybe the reason is is that back then it wasn't readily available or readily spoken about. But I did find something called Zuri therapy. So if you feel like you're dealing with poor race esteem, I would suggest you google Zuri Z-U-R-I therapy, because they offer racial wellness therapy. I personally haven't done their course. However, I know some of my followers have and they've spoken very highly of their therapy. If you go on their website, you will see that all of their therapists are black and they have certain topics of what to expect, such as coping with racial trauma and healing and emotional well-being and addressing intergenerational trauma. So if you feel like you've experienced internal hatred, you need to make sure that you do the work. Equally, if you've ever been a part or witnessed intragroup hatred, you need to call it out each and every time. Some of the onus is on the individual to develop and heal, and some of the onus is on the community to make sure that we're not perpetuating colonial practices.
Speaker 1:The fourth P is in red red flag and the fourth P is the porn preference, porn being spelt P-O-R-N. I also call this the plantation perpetuation. What I mean by that is you're taking the colorism, texturism and featurism from the plantation to present day. What do I mean by that? I mean that race always comes first and if you think about the porn preference, you think about logging onto a porn website. These are the individuals that would click on categories straight away and they'll be clicking on a race other than their own. You will often hear these individuals talk about the color of their baby. You may have heard things like I want a light-skinned baby. So essentially what this is is you will be a concubine for that person for them to achieve their fetish in child form. That's why this is colored in red for a red flag.
Speaker 1:These types of relationships are often unhealthy and or short term. If it is long term, it's because you have chosen to procreate and you're attached to this person for the sake of the child. These type of people tend to be the men with mics and they tend to be trauma blamers and they will often blame black women for their choices to date interracially, when in actuality, if they were to be self-aware and honest, it actually has nothing to do with the black female counterparts. It actually has everything to do with the porn preference and or the plantation perpetuation, ie that intragroup hatred, that internal hatred manifesting itself. These people also need to do a lot of work, but chances are they won't do the work and they won't be held accountable. So there's no point fighting with these individuals. There's no point of trying to play Holy Spirit Junior and trying to save these individuals, because a lot of them are misogynistic and display misogynoir. So they're not going to hear the truth from a black woman. So I say put your weapons down and disengage, because what that discourse is doing is it's fueling their fire and bringing about profit.
Speaker 1:The next P is the post-colonial social mobility, and this one is in red. It is a red flag. To further emphasize this, I'm going to use the great philosopher I joke, by the way kanye west. One of his lyrics says and when he gets on, he'll leave your ass for a white girl. Now, post-colonial social mobility is essentially where your profit opens up your pool and that directs your preferential dating. You often see this with a lot of black male celebrities because obviously we live in a white patriarch, capitalist society. So what they often do is that once they get their profit, it opens up their pool and then that directs their preferential dating. So they would tend to date either white or close to white, or light skin in order to progress up that white patriarchal capitalist society that ladder. I understand how this can be increasingly annoying for some black women, annoying for some black women. However, I will add the caveat to not paint everybody with the same brush, because chances are there may be some individuals that are actually dating the person and not the post-colonial social mobility. So that concludes the five p's of prefer racial dating.
Speaker 1:But before we go, I wanted to throw in a jovial sixth, final bonus P, and that bonus P is the pick and mix. And the reason why I'm throwing this in is because I've seen a few things on social media and in regards to Hollywood, and that is where people want the embodiment of a black woman but not the actual physical body. Now you may be thinking, cain, what are you talking about? Taking said black Hollywood actor. He shall remain unnamed. However, if you know, you know he had a white girlfriend from Reading, england, and said to her why can't you be more like Michelle Obama? Why can't you be more like Coretta Scott King? That's a prime example of pick and mix. So you want the embodiment, but you don't want the actual physical body. To further add to this analogy, you may see some videos on social media where you will see a black guy gifting his white girlfriend a Jamaican or Nigerian cookbook. It's the same thing Pick a mix. You want the embodiment of a black woman, but not the actual physical body.
Speaker 1:If you come across this type of individual run, hopefully you have enjoyed my new theory, the five P's of prefer racial dating. If you have find me on social media and leave me a comment, leave me some feedback and if you've enjoyed it, please share it with someone that you think needs it. To tease the next episode, I will be doing a further extension of this and answering the question can you be pro-black and date outside your race? In order to answer this question, I will be sharing my new theory of the 12 archetypes of pro-black activists. So if that's of interest to you, make sure you follow and subscribe and watch out for the next drop. This has been the Black Wash. Thank you for watching.