Episode 42: Nailed The Intro

In this lively episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' hosts Sarah and Christine introduce their podcast's mission to de-stigmatize mental health through humor, even as interruptions from Sarah's noisy dog, Macho, add a comedic touch. They revisit their podcast journey, discussing their early days, some family anecdotes involving a pet dog named Jigs, and navigating fan mail—or the lack thereof. The duo also explores mental health topics from Michael Gervais's book 'The First Rule of Mastery,' delving into concepts like the spotlight effect, FOPO (Fear of Other People’s Opinions), and ways to combat these psychological phenomena. They share personal stories to highlight these concepts, encourage open-mindedness, and stress the importance of asking questions instead of making assumptions about others' thoughts. The episode blends humor and introspection, making for an entertaining and enlightening listen.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Transcript

Sarah 0:15

Hello, and welcome to the mental funny bone, where we aim to create a safe and entertaining space where listeners can explore mental health topics, find solace and enjoy laughter. This podcast aims to de stigmatize mental health discussions and empower individuals to approach their own. being with humor and openness. I'm Sarah.

Chris 0:36

And I'm Christine. We are not mental health professionals. So if you feel like you would benefit from talking to a mental health professional, there are several links available in our show notes. So please avail yourself of the available resources.

Sarah 0:55

damn it, macho.

Chris 0:57

dog.

Sarah 0:59

had, we, that was such a great intro. I feel like we could shut it down right now. That's our whole fucking episode. That's it.

Chris 1:05

That's it. Send us a congratulations. we finally nailed an intro,

Sarah 1:11

Except for the dog toy in the background. Yes.

Chris 1:14

40 episodes into it.

Sarah 1:16

Is this 40? Are We 40 episodes in?

Chris 1:19

something like 42. Maybe I lost count. Like at the beginning, I was like, we did 15 episodes and it was like a super big deal. Now I'm like, I don't know, 44, 43, how many downloads, like a much more into the content than the numbers this

Sarah 1:35

a lot. Oh Becca's giving us signs. She's throwing up gang signs.

Chris 1:41

she said zero four. We've done four episodes is what Becca says. no, she's, she's telling me that it's 40 because it's, that's what that was. Her internet, for me, looks really crappy, so I can't see what she's doing.

Sarah 2:00

Whatever she's doing, it's fucking fantastic.

Chris 2:02

she's brilliant. I don't know how we lived without her, really.

Sarah 2:07

fuck. All right. So we got an intro. Sorry about the dog. I can't close the door because Owen can't take the dog out right now.

Chris 2:14

Oh, he has a broken hip.

Sarah 2:17

whatever.

Chris 2:17

I'm sorry, hip a violation. I'll be quiet now.

Sarah 2:21

HIPAA violation on the broken hip. All right.

Chris 2:27

can you give him a non squeaky toy?

Sarah 2:30

Hold on. He's got several of them. I

Chris 2:31

wrong with you?

Sarah 2:33

Hold on. Macho, how about you chew on a bone?

Chris 2:36

you hear her?

Sarah 2:37

chew on a bone? Here,

Chris 2:40

god, dear listener, I am so sorry. The next thing you know, she's gonna be making Squeaking noises herself or chewing noises, whichever. What is that?

Sarah 2:52

dinosaur. Or no, it's a dragon. This is a dragon. Oh, and he's looking at me as though, cause I normally squeeze his head, and then throw him. So you can see Macho, he's sitting there

Chris 3:03

Ready? Ready.

Sarah 3:04

throw it. She's going to throw it. She normally doesn't play with me from that chair. So I'm excited. I'm excited. going to squeak in a second.

Chris 3:13

I heard him run away.

Sarah 3:14

he was so excited. right, we're done. Okay.

Chris 3:27

Okay. as

Sarah 3:28

wish you could see him cause he's literally laying on top of her.

Chris 3:31

know, no humper.

Sarah 3:33

Okay.

Chris 3:35

Oh,

Sarah 3:36

he's giving Humper a little lick on the ear. A little special love. Whoo.

Chris 3:42

up.

Sarah 3:44

All right.

Chris 3:45

Okay. Seriously.

Sarah 3:46

Okay.

Chris 3:47

we've. We've gone into the new year with a bunch of vim and vigor, attacking the new year, if you will, making it our bitch, calling the new year our humper

Sarah 3:57

Yeah.

Chris 3:58

to draw out an analogy, maybe, and, so far, that has resulted in us having a zero fan mail. today's fan mail segment is. in that there is none. even because I've been, busy trying to get down here and get Olivia to school. I haven't talked to your parents. I've been sending Olivia as a delegate. So I haven't even heard if your mom likes the podcast anymore.

Sarah 4:27

I don't think anybody's listening. I think that they've just abandoned us.

Chris 4:30

it could be, and,

Sarah 4:31

They were like, wow, you guys made a decision to do shit. And so now here's double middies for you. Bye.

Chris 4:38

middies, enjoy developing a thick skin, you two, here's zero fan mail for you, carry on,

Sarah 4:45

That's what's happened.

Chris 4:46

fair enough,

Sarah 4:47

We're gonna keep going. Fuck

Chris 4:48

you think you can stop me, 2025, you think you can stop me with no fan mail, fuck you. still my bitch.

Sarah 4:56

there are true boners out there. There are true boners out there. They're gonna step up.

Chris 5:00

Kim D.

Sarah 5:01

it.

Chris 5:03

Kim? Bueller?

Sarah 5:05

Hello?

Chris 5:08

Is it me you're looking for?

Sarah 5:11

No, I'll be so excited we put a little bit of lino in there just for you Noah just for you Oh and Aaron for you and Aaron,

Chris 5:20

good gravy. Alright, moving on, to the, gaster story of the week, and I would like to tell the story of how the gaster girls got a pet. Sarah, you remember, our dog Jigs. second time we got a pet, not the first time. The first time was a bit of a Exercise and grief, I think, for both of us.

Sarah 5:44

we had those gerbils or hamsters or whatever they were called. And

Chris 5:48

Those don't count. Those

Sarah 5:49

lot of fish, a lot of fish, they all ended up in the toilet. I think that's what they do with the gerbils too.

Chris 5:56

I'm not

Sarah 5:57

like the size of a turd just flushing on down there.

Chris 6:00

Those don't count. they're not real pets. you don't have to take a gerbil out. Yeah, you don't have to take the fish out. walking the fish is discouraged. this is the very first time we got a dog. he was a purebred dog and he was really cute and he

Sarah 6:13

He was a miniature schnauzer just like Macho.

Chris 6:16

And then he died.

Sarah 6:17

And then he died when he was five months old.

Chris 6:20

I think it was that quickly too. we got him, we cuddled him for a little bit, and then he just flopped over

Sarah 6:25

yeah, we cuddled him for a month, maybe two weeks, and then he started having these seizures and then the doctor was like, yeah, we could do this surgery on him that will, that might help him. It might not help him. it might just land him in pain forever and it's going to cost you a bazillion dollars. And daddy was like.

Chris 6:44

We'll miss you.

Sarah 6:45

He's going to the farm. Bye bye puppy. I

Chris 6:51

the only one super grief stricken by this development was Jumbo. so Jumbo took it pretty

Sarah 6:58

mean, I was pretty sad.

Chris 7:00

I don't, I barely remember.

Sarah 7:02

don't have a fucking heart. That is why, but go ahead.

Chris 7:05

Obviously.

Sarah 7:07

It's missing. There's just a black hole

Chris 7:10

So I will tell the story the way I remember it.

Sarah 7:13

and I will interrupt and everything you get wrong.

Chris 7:16

Excellent. So I think I had to be like eighth grade, maybe like teen years, but before driving.

Sarah 7:25

I was probably 11.

Chris 7:27

yep. This makes sense. This makes sense.

Sarah 7:29

I was probably 10 or 11 cause we were downtown already. And I was still in grade school.

Chris 7:36

I love that you call Elizabeth downtown.

Sarah 7:38

Dantan. We're in Dantan already.

Chris 7:40

We were living, we were part of the Elizabeth gang at this

Sarah 7:43

we were in the burrow.

Chris 7:45

Yes, we were. and, I remember that it was Valentine's day and I was very sad because I was a teenager.

Sarah 7:52

Not because the dog died, but because you, a boy asked you out and you were too dumb to realize he asked you out and you told him you had to go do homework.

Chris 8:02

It was a year before.

Sarah 8:03

Oh, okay. Anyway, go ahead. Go ahead.

Chris 8:05

You shut up. I had friends. I had lots of friends.

Sarah 8:09

You

Chris 8:09

covered this already.

Sarah 8:10

did.

Chris 8:11

so I was sad. because no one would ever love me, because I was, I was a teenager with, braces

Sarah 8:18

Yeah.

Chris 8:19

and, an affinity for, epic fantasy novels and mathematics.

Sarah 8:25

There's your roommate. Hi, Becca's roommate. Go ahead.

Chris 8:31

you're so easily distracted. Anyway, so

Sarah 8:34

it.

Chris 8:34

I was sad and it was valentine's day and that didn't help me at all in any of this and I remember your dad Brought this puppy home from the pound out on simpson howell road. I believe in elizabeth if anyone's familiar with the area and he set this little black ball of fur down and it was love at first sight And I, I loved this dog for the next 15 minutes and I was so excited to, that my dad had bought me a dog for Valentine's day. And then Sarah came downstairs

Sarah 9:14

Yeah.

Chris 9:15

and then I realized it wasn't just a dog for me. It was a dog for both of us. And then I didn't like it as much,

Sarah 9:20

He was just a tiny little ball of fur and he had paws like the size of dinner plates.

Chris 9:29

seriously.

Sarah 9:30

And Daddy asked at the pound, I want one that's going to stay small. And they were like, yeah, this one for sure.

Chris 9:36

sure he's going to be tiny and he had like little spindly legs and giant paws. giant paws. And, Jumbo's not dumb. he's looking at him and he's this isn't a small dog at all. This is

Sarah 9:49

out.

Chris 9:50

what Jigs looks like, look like when he grew up, was, Santa's little helper from the Simpsons, like the dog from the Simpsons. Or Satan's Little Helper. I can't remember which is right.

Sarah 10:02

little help, one or the other, I

Chris 10:04

remember which is the right name for the dog. but that is exactly what Jigs look like. And Becca, if you could just make a note to find me a picture of the Simpsons dog, that would be amazing. I will not do a thing with it. I will not put it anywhere where anyone can see it. But I would like to have it for reference.

Sarah 10:23

And I think that he should be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Chris 10:28

It's for the dog that lived the longest and smelled the worst,

Sarah 10:31

I think so. Wait, did he smell bad or was it just his farts that smelled, I know his farts smelled bad or did he smell, I don't think he, his breath was really bad at the end there. I mean we never, it was like never dog dental hygiene never existed and he was alive for 19 years. So can you like. His teeth just rotted for

Chris 10:51

right? He was dead inside before he finally laid down years. We had this dog.

Sarah 10:59

Mommy and daddy are still finding hair in there, and that's not even the house they lived in when they had him. Like they've moved since he passed, and they're still finding Jig's hair. Cuz that, he was the hairiest motherfucker ever. You'd wake up, and there's hair in your mouth like that.

Chris 11:16

would get scared all the time because he was just a, he was a very nervous, anxious dog. And when he did his defense mechanism was just to shoot hair everywhere, like some kind of

Sarah 11:25

a porcupine.

Chris 11:26

Labrador porcupine mix. Just poof and there would be hair everywhere,

Sarah 11:33

And then he got One time he was real anxious about something. This is when we lived with grandma. So this is, I was in my late teens, and he chewed his ass. So like on the back, like he had like scabs, like right above his, I'm showing you so you can see right? above his tail and he was really doing a doozy on himself. So I, and it was my responsibility. I had to take him up to the vet and they had to shave. had to shave him and give him ointment and shit. We walked out of there and I wish we had cell phones at that point. Cause I would have loved, it was like a big butterfly on his ass and went down around his

Chris 12:12

tattoo

Sarah 12:14

It was huge. Like all around his tail and then down. Yeah.

Chris 12:17

Like a tattoo.

Sarah 12:18

That's what it looked like. He looked like he had a tramp stamp.

Chris 12:21

Becca and everyone else, this dog lived through Me learning to drive, Sarah learning to drive me going to college, Sarah going to college, me moving 3, 000 miles away, me getting married, me getting divorced,

Sarah 12:35

me, moving 3, 000 miles away. Me coming back.

Chris 12:38

Nita and Jumbo, moving, to where we live now. this poor dog was just around all the time and his name, did we say the name of the dog? I don't think we did. Just the Simpsons dog. His name was Jigs.

Sarah 12:52

Yeah, we did. Yeah. He was a good dog.

Chris 12:55

Named after my dad's uncle, who I heard stories about last night, Uncle Jigs.

Sarah 13:00

Oh, did you?

Chris 13:01

Yes, I did because I went to see your aunt Albina

Sarah 13:04

Oh, yeah, that's right. That's right. How did that go?

Chris 13:07

it was fun. It was fun I talked non stop for about an hour and 10 minutes

Sarah 13:12

Yep.

Chris 13:13

and then I Paused to take a sip of water and then she talked for an hour and 10 minutes

Sarah 13:17

Oh,

Chris 13:18

about everyone that lived in the patch when she was growing up.

Sarah 13:22

That's exactly what we did when we went down to the house to say goodbye. That's exactly, that's, yep.

Chris 13:28

It was nice. She told uncle Sam to shut up three times. Shut up, Sam,

Sarah 13:32

nothing new. Nothing new.

Chris 13:34

the best. our aunt Albina is a, is an elderly lady, who is actually our great aunt.

Sarah 13:40

Yeah.

Chris 13:41

so she is our grandpap's sister and, she is 90. 86. She's older. I'm

Sarah 13:51

yeah, she's definitely, I think she's 92 and Uncle Sam's 90,

Chris 13:56

sure. they are both, they're both getting up there. but it was so nice. It was so nice to see them and be reminded that I had an uncle jigs, which then in turn reminded me of the dog. And

Sarah 14:06

the dog. And here we are today.

Chris 14:08

telling stories, that is how we ended up having this as our gastro story of the week. And I was so touched that your dad would think to buy us a Valentine's date. Because usually at that time in our lives, it was more about listening to your dad breathe through his nose and telling us to turn the lights out.

Sarah 14:27

Yeah.

Chris 14:27

Girls, are these lights on? Is anyone in this room? The lights in the thermostat, I think is universal.

Sarah 14:36

I never touched the thermostat.

Chris 14:38

I don't, I didn't even know what it was.

Sarah 14:39

Yeah, I'm not sure I knew where it was in that house.

Chris 14:42

I think your mom did and blamed it on us.

Sarah 14:45

guarantee it.

Chris 14:46

This is going to be a good way for her to give us feedback because she's going to be like, incorrect.

Sarah 14:50

Yeah. Talk shit on mommy. That's how we'll get fan mail. Damn it.

Chris 14:57

Absolutely. And I bet Elaine C, up in Boston. I bet her dad breathed through his nose and complained about the lights and the, and the thermostat. I think that's how we're just going to do these little mini shout outs until someone says they like us.

Sarah 15:11

someone sends us an email. Right.

Chris 15:15

what other good jigs stories do I have? there was a party at our house, and I know you'll remember this with. And, the nice lady that I worked with at the 5 and 10 in downtown Elizabeth, C. D. C. D. had a daughter. And, they brought the daughter over to the house, the little toddler, like four, three or four, and she's walking around, and she sees jigs and jigs has, jigs had a tail that stood at attention all the time. Like it was pointed up over his back.

Sarah 15:43

He had a bone or a tail.

Chris 15:45

he did have a boner tail. It was pretty funny to it. See what I did there. and what it did was just, provide a very targeted, pink space on his backside. So you could clearly see his butthole at all times. And, what this little girl, Doralee wasn't her name, but that's what her mom told us that she was going to name her, took her pointer finger and kept trying to point at the dog's butthole and then pointing wasn't enough. So she kept trying to. Get closer and closer to touching jigs his

Sarah 16:21

Drink the bottle.

Chris 16:22

butthole

Sarah 16:25

Everybody can picture this. You can picture this. The pink target.

Chris 16:29

right and she's just like the perfect height like to directly touch the A fleshy skin part of his butthole. she's wearing like a little christmas dress because I think this was a christmas party And that is all I can remember from that party is I think then that it was my group of teen friends It was our job to make sure that no one touched jigs's butthole.

Sarah 16:53

I vaguely, I don't remember the butthole touching, but I remember this party, and I could see vividly pictures of it, like everybody in the kitchen and everybody was wearing a Hanes sweatshirt with a poinsettia on the front of it that was outlined in gold puffy paint, right? This is the time we're talking about, right?

Chris 17:15

Yes. Oh my god Yes, and how those got attached to the sweatshirt? you bought you bought some fabric and then you cut out the poinsettia with tiny scissors

Sarah 17:26

huh.

Chris 17:27

And then you glued it on with Eileen's

Sarah 17:31

Schnetta Scissors. Mommy, you've got to tell us. You've got to give us You Ah. The Sheeran Schnetta. I gotta look it up. I gotta look it

Chris 17:38

it was a German craft, that you would do by cutting paper. And the scissors, you would buy a kit. Schirrenschnitte.

Sarah 17:47

It just blew boogers out my nose.

Chris 17:51

this has gone off the rails. This is no longer about our dog jigs. Schirrenschnitte. Yeah, it was like a craft kit. And, it came with like tiny scissors and you would

Sarah 18:01

do you think you spell that?

Chris 18:03

S C H. E R, E I N, S C H, Schnitta, Mitta.

Sarah 18:12

Oh, I found it. I found it.

Chris 18:14

Stop it! is a, it's, tell me what it is. It's the tiny scissors.

Sarah 18:22

it is spelled S C H E R N A E N S C H I T E,

Chris 18:29

Mita.

Sarah 18:30

which means scissor cuts in German. It's an art of paper cutting design. The artwork often has rotational symmetry within the design and common forms include silhouettes, valentines, and love letters. like she had sheer and schnitta kits to your mouth, like they were kits and I always wanted to do one. And then I'd like, I tried to start and then I didn't have the correct motor skills that you needed to do such a craft.

Chris 18:57

No one did. No one did. It was, you traced it and then you had to cut out a piece of paper that was the size of a atom,

Sarah 19:05

Yeah. Yeah.

Chris 19:06

right? You had to get in

Sarah 19:08

straight pin, the top on the straight pin. That's what you had to cut out.

Chris 19:11

You needed an electron microscope to see what you were supposed to cut out with these scissors, but that's what you would use to cut the poinsettia out of the poinsettia fabric. And the, not a small poinsettia, a really

Sarah 19:23

Huge. It takes up the whole front of this sweatshirt.

Chris 19:27

all over that and then you would get Eileen's fabric glue and you would soak this bitch and Eileen's fabric Glue and you would press that to the sweatshirt, but it had a rough look so you had to clean it up by using gold or silver puffy paint

Sarah 19:45

Yeah.

Chris 19:45

to outline it and not just outline it. Like you had to get

Sarah 19:49

on the inside of the

Chris 19:50

the design. Yeah.

Sarah 19:52

it was very pretty and took talent to do it because I know a lot, can you imagine me doing something like that now with my shaky ass hands? shits for real. We're going to have to find one of those pictures too. I know that they definitely exist.

Chris 20:04

pictures to find the Sharon Schnitta

Sarah 20:06

Sharon Schnitta,

Chris 20:09

a picture of the Simpsons dog. A picture of everyone at a Christmas party in 1988.

Sarah 20:16

with the Sharon Schnitta shirts on, Sharon Schnitta shirts.

Chris 20:21

know I have pictures of it. I

Sarah 20:23

Oh, I definitely do. I can see it. I can see it. And I can see there's one where they're standing in the laundry rooms behind them. And then there's one where they're turned a little bit and it's where that, where the big TV was supposed to be, but we had the tiny TV in it and it had a basket that was cross stitched on it that said Anita's kitchen.

Chris 20:40

Yes. Oh.

Sarah 20:42

It's, yeah, I can't remember what my own kitchen looks like, but I can remember that kitchen. And it was carpeted.

Chris 20:49

Oof. Yes, it was. I wish I could find that pattern. I wish Chad could find the carpet from our kitchen in the 80s. can you generate brown? Kitchen carpet

Sarah 21:05

kitchen carpet. Kitchen carpet. I'd like to see your kitchen carpet, please. What? Fuck.

Chris 21:11

Where are you shopping?

Sarah 21:12

Sounds great.

Chris 21:14

Yes. madam. Come on

Sarah 21:15

we're at it, if we could get the wallpaper with the little, horse racers on it.

Chris 21:21

They weren't horse racers. They were English foxhounds. God's sake.

Sarah 21:28

Okay. Okay. So Jigs, so we had a dog named Jigs

Chris 21:33

We had a dog named Jigs. And then my mom did a bunch of crafts. Amen.

Sarah 21:37

and there was a little girl and she stuck her finger in Jigs's butthole because it was a pink target. the synopsis of this show.

Chris 21:47

Great. Hashtag butthole.

Sarah 21:51

Pink target. That's what I'm going to call a butthole from now on.

Chris 21:56

My pink target is swollen and irritated.

Sarah 21:58

You're a pain in my pink target.

Chris 22:02

Not a place for girls, not a very feminine target.

Sarah 22:05

fuck. Okay.

Chris 22:07

Anyway. All right. I think I'm done. can you carry us on to some mental wellness stuff so we can mercifully stop butthole?

Sarah 22:16

I honestly don't think that I can, I'm not sure that I can, I'm not sure I can follow any of this. I feel like anything that happens now is just,

Chris 22:26

take solace. We're keeping with the 1988 theme and you're going to talk about Barry Manilow first, I

Sarah 22:31

yes I am. so let's get into our book. The first rule of mastery by Michael Gervais, who

Chris 22:38

better than I am.

Sarah 22:40

I had to look, I had to find a video that someone else said his name in it. So I would say his name, right? And then that led to me watching a video of him today, which was really nice. it led to me writing a letter to him to ask him to come on to our podcast. I didn't send it because that would be insane.

Chris 23:00

send it! Why wouldn't someone want to come on our

Sarah 23:03

I also wrote a letter to Dan Harris to see if he would like to come on our podcast.

Chris 23:07

He definitely would! He loves us. He just doesn't

Sarah 23:10

Then I sent a letter to Good Morning America just to see if we could go on their show.

Chris 23:15

Because You

Sarah 23:15

while I'm throwing it all out there.

Chris 23:17

wanna go skydiving.

Sarah 23:19

no, I've already taken that off the fucking table, off the table. Okay, so let's get into chapter seven and it is, not Ricky, it is Michael Trevay and I love him. It's not like I don't know who he is. I just want to call him Ricky. okay. So chapter seven, it's a Barry Manilow and the spotlight effect, and poor Barry Manilow. right off the bat, he's deemed the patron saint of uncool.

Chris 23:48

He writes the songs that makes the whole world sing.

Sarah 23:51

see, I don't know the Barry Manilow songs. I'm assuming that's a Barry Manilow song.

Chris 23:56

Yes,

Sarah 23:57

I get him and Rod Stewart confused,

Chris 24:00

similar hair.

Sarah 24:02

right? but then I was like, there's gotta be someone else that's uncool. And I was thinking Kenny G.

Chris 24:10

Oh, yes,

Sarah 24:11

I feel like he would have been like, I feel like he should share the patron saint of uncool. I don't know. I felt like that was, I don't know who that is.

Chris 24:20

master of the pan flute.

Sarah 24:24

I, I'm concerned that you know who that is.

Chris 24:29

had a unique group of friends in high school. Everyone that I went to high school with gets that reference. Everyone that hung out with me.

Sarah 24:36

Oh, okay. I'm, oh, okay.

Chris 24:40

Jenny's back me up,

Sarah 24:42

that's interesting. What is a pan flute?

Chris 24:46

Becca, look it up. We're going to need a picture of a pan flute. if you picture like a little sprites or a little forest nymph, it's the little flute they play while they're frolicking in the forest. That's a pan flute.

Sarah 24:59

it's mythical.

Chris 25:00

No, it's a real instrument. real instrument.

Sarah 25:05

Speaking of mythical things, Owen said that the national, oh, there it is. I see. Okay. I know what it is now. I know what it is. Okay. so Owen said that the national animal of fuck, I can't remember. I

Chris 25:20

this is a great story.

Sarah 25:22

but it doesn't, anyway, he said it was the unicorn. And I was like, that's not an animal.

Chris 25:27

It's not real.

Sarah 25:30

It makes no sense. Anyway. Okay. So we're looking at chapter seven. Okay. and the Barry Manilow and the spotlight effect. So in chapter seven, it starts out. Go ahead. Yeah.

Chris 25:43

when I was really into being physically fit, I joined a website called a nerd fitness. might remember because I was really excited about it when I found it. I was like, this is amazing. Somebody wrote a website just for me

Sarah 25:56

Yeah.

Chris 25:57

and Steve Kam is the guy who runs Nerd Fitness and he sends me an email once a week to tell me all kinds of good nerd fitness stuff and because I never ever unsubscribe from anything.

Sarah 26:09

Yeah.

Chris 26:10

He mentioned today The debilitating effects of the spotlight effect was the subject of his email. So if you think the universe doesn't align on occasion and give you, some good pointers in some direction, like Christine, please do something other than sit on the couch and crochet. You're not going to have muscles if you do that.

Sarah 26:32

bam, it all aligns,

Chris 26:34

There it is. Steve cam. Thank you so much. Spotlight effect. Now you should tell the people what that is.

Sarah 26:41

so the spotlight effect, let's start out with in chapter seven starts out with a study that was done on a college campus and they had, X number of students that had to wear a t-shirt that had Barry Manolo's face on it, and they had to go into a classroom and before they went into the classroom, they had to predict how many people would be able to remember that they had that awful Barry Manalow shirt on.

Chris 27:07

Aw.

Sarah 27:07

So after they went in and they did what, blah, blah, blah, they asked the people who saw. These students with the Barry Manilow shirts to recall what they were wearing. the students that had the Barry Manilow shirts on, that would be embarrassed to have the Barry Manilow shirts on, said that at least 50 percent of the people that saw them would remember that. Actually, less than 25 percent of the people that saw them remembered that they had a Barry Manilow t shirt on. is essentially the spotlight effect. It's, but, I

Chris 27:43

it's a vomit noise. What?

Sarah 27:45

skipped ahead forgot what I was saying. Okay.

Chris 27:50

you go back to it. Just go back to it. You were doing great. Spotlight effect. I was getting distracted because I think Becca was trying to tell her roommate that she was pregnant.

Sarah 28:00

a lot. Woo mama. All right. at least we know where we need to cut out. Okay. Becca, mark it down. We're cutting out a lot of this. Okay.

Chris 28:07

Becca went,

Sarah 28:09

it.

Chris 28:13

Sorry, I was 100 percent paying attention to what you were saying.

Sarah 28:16

So the spotlight effect. spotlight effect is a psychological phenomenon where, and I'm so excited that I said that properly, I think, where we overestimate how much people notice or remember of what we're doing. So this is pretty much, that nobody gives a shit about you. We're always thinking that people are paying attention to us. We think that all eyes are on us, but honestly, Everybody's too worried about themselves and caught up in their own Barry Manilow crazy moments to even notice that we've got a Barry Manilow t shirt on

Chris 28:48

great.

Sarah 28:50

Gervais talks about what causes the spotlight effect And he talks about egocentric bias. I'm saying lots of big words

Chris 29:00

I love it.

Sarah 29:01

about it. It's very excited about it. So this is basically where we live in the center of our own world. It's just how we're wired because we're normal ass human beings. The thing I like about this is it doesn't mean that we're arrogant or self absorbed because I've been very much aware that I have lived in myself centered, focused world for a while now. And it made me feel bad, but now I feel better because I'm not arrogant or self absorbed.

Chris 29:30

You're just person. You're just a person Constantly overestimating how much people care about you

Sarah 29:36

Exactly. Exactly. And that's the amazing thing of all of this is the gap in how much we think people are thinking about us and how much they're really not thinking about us, regardless of the situation, whether it's a positive and negative. Or a ridiculously embarrassing situation that you, Christine, would find yourself in.

Chris 29:57

100 100 this Again, This is the best part about having Jumbo as my dad, because I learned early on that no one really cares what's happening to me, like, when I am walking through the airport and I trip a little bit and spill coffee all down the front of my white shirt, I have a little bit of perspective in that, nobody cares that just happened to me. Somebody saw and they were like,

Sarah 30:23

Yeah. And that's the other thing. Like somebody saw, somebody noticed, like even in the Barry Manilow things, like of those 25 percent that remembered that they saw Barry Manilow t shirts. How long did they remember that? It's certainly not a lifetime. And there are certainly 20 years down the road, not saying, Hey, remember that dick that walked into class with a Barry Manilow shirt? no, nobody, no, it doesn't matter

Chris 30:50

unless it was Barry Manilow.

Sarah 30:52

where that might be. It might be.

Chris 30:55

Then you would remember. So again, we're back to the jumbo rule.

Sarah 30:58

Yeah. I feel like that's, it's everything. It truly is everything, and that's what I wanted to write, in my Michael Gervais request for interview about how my dad is the one who really came up with FOPO.

Chris 31:12

think that's

Sarah 31:13

And then I felt that we should have both of them on. I think that's what we should do. And we should have nobody gives a shit about you and FOPO man.

Chris 31:23

Like what would they do? Would they just chatter away about how much they both like Bruce Springsteen?

Sarah 31:28

Yeah. They would just chat. They would, they could, they're like superheroes. We would get them little costumes, man. And no one gives a shit. There you go. Anyway. So I, created that.

Chris 31:42

I don't think you're making a big, strong case for Michael Jervais to join our very serious and helpful podcast,

Sarah 31:50

I don't know. He seems fun. He seems like he would dig it. I feel like Dan Harris would.

Chris 31:55

Please wear this leotard

Sarah 31:58

okay. That might be going too far. Okay. We won't do it. We won't do costumes.

Chris 32:02

Fobo man. Wait,

Sarah 32:05

It sounds scary. All right. Anyway. Okay.

Chris 32:08

wait. I have another question. what's the title of, the second part of the book? Cause we wrapped up part

Sarah 32:14

Oh,

Chris 32:15

part one was called something and I can't remember what it was called, but I also can't remember what part two is called.

Sarah 32:20

I want to say part 1 was something about identifying. let me see. Unmask. So you unmask, and that's what you covered already. Now, we are on to the assessing part. unmask, assess, redefine. So it's I know I've said it before, catch, change, catch, Shit.

Chris 32:41

Catch shit.

Sarah 32:43

there's a C in the middle there that I can't remember. Okay. Nevermind. Cut that out too. Okay. moving on

Chris 32:52

So part two is assess.

Sarah 32:53

assess right now we are assessing. So

Chris 32:57

to have the base of the jumbo rule in order for us to assess. Okay.

Sarah 33:02

Exactly. Absolutely. So the next thing he talks about is false consensus effect, which makes a lot of sense. Once you start reading about it, and this is our tendency to, overestimate how much other people share our beliefs and our habits and our preferences. and this is reinforced by something called selective exposure. this is, something that I have wrestled with for, I'm guessing, fucking macho, I'm guessing my whole life, but I really only noticed it like a few years ago, which is embarrassing, but not everybody agrees with me.

Chris 33:41

Weird.

Sarah 33:42

I don't, why would, I'm right, obviously, so I don't understand why you want to argue or disagree with what I have to say.

Chris 33:50

How can you possibly believe that dumb shit you believe?

Sarah 33:53

So this is something I'm working on. I have been working on this. but yeah, I'm gonna kill the fucking dog.

Chris 33:59

Don't do that. so this one is funny for me because since I, since last year and all of my ADHD stuff and I'm like, oh, look at me. I'm such a special little snowflake because I have ADHD. Now everyone I meet has ADHD

Sarah 34:14

Yeah, of

Chris 34:15

I just project that on to other people. I'm like, look at you. I know what's wrong with you. You have the same thing I have. We're the same. sometimes I'm right.

Sarah 34:26

it's it seems right. Yeah, it seems that you would be. I feel like that's just,

Chris 34:30

Just people.

Sarah 34:31

odds. don't know.

Chris 34:34

Just the people I like to hang out with.

Sarah 34:37

you're just, you're pulling in the people that, yeah, that you feel are just like you. there you have it. So all of this psychological fun shit that I've spit at you, like all these fun terms. I was super excited to have fun terms and like actually say things that exist and say things like psychological phenomenon. Go ahead, Christine.

Chris 35:00

I'm not gonna let you do it. Pretend like you don't know big words.

Sarah 35:06

I do know big words, but I normally fuck them up and I won't say them because I feel like, I don't deserve to say them because I'm dumb. I am not dumb, which is why I'm bringing it all in this week because I'm not fucking dumb. I'm fucking smart. And I'm going to show you guys how fucking smart I am by saying psychological phenomenon over and over again. The next thing I'm going to talk about is a psychological concept though, and it. is, I like, I'm getting the head shake too. The psychological concept of anchoring and adjustment. So this is all all this shit we've talked about is kind of part of this. a concept that when we're introduced to something new, the first thing that we're introduced to about that, like the first thing we learn about it is what we grab onto. And we make that our anchor and anchors are hard to move. But

Chris 35:58

they're heavy.

Sarah 35:58

yeah, if we want to keep moving on, we need to make adjustments to the anchor. it's hard to do that. It's really hard to do that. I know I do that and that's what that's. Something that we've been learning and something that has been new for me is to be able to say, Oh, maybe that's not exact. Oh, all I got to pick up my anchor a little bit dragging along Maybe you think something else? Okay So anyway, I thought that was a pretty, pretty decent, a pretty fun concept.

Chris 36:32

So it's about having a little bit more of an open mind. So it pulling it back to some mindfulness is the ability to understand and recognize that maybe I've just developed an anchor here and this isn't the final end all and be all to everything that is true. So maybe I open my mind up, maybe I take my little mindful pause, open my mind up and think something else.

Sarah 36:57

Lift my anchor a little bit. it along, if you will. Sorry, I had a cough. dog is, yeah, the dog is the dog. All right, so towards the end of chapter 7, he talks about what we do with the moments when we really are in the spotlight. the big thing that I thought about was a job interview.

Chris 37:20

Oh,

Sarah 37:21

So do we treat these as, it's just another moment or are we treating it as the big moment? and pretty much he says that both approaches are correct And I think it just really depends on you as an individual and what is gonna work out for you best The big part of this is that you need to make a decision of which way you're gonna handle it and stick with it And mentally prepare for that situation. So if you're going to do, you're going into the interview and you're just treating it like as any other day, then you're you're chill about it. You're not doing like a ton of prep. You're just, you're going in lax. And when you go in there, you need to make sure that you remember that's the decision that you made. And you need to keep that mental coolness state to you. you. can't go in there and two seconds before the interview starts, go,

Chris 38:10

fuck.

Sarah 38:10

what if this happened? what

Chris 38:12

Oh my god, I didn't prepare. I didn't prepare. This is the most important thing that ever happened to me and I haven't prepared.

Sarah 38:18

Yeah. You needed to make that decision a little bit earlier. So if you treat the interview like the big moment, which. how I do interviews and obsess about it. Maybe obsessing isn't the best thing, but I practice, I do the mirror practice. I do all of that. I have all the questions. Basically what you do is if you're treating it as the big moment, you're practicing those stressful situations. You're putting yourself in those situations to make sure when they do come about that you're able to handle them, and show everybody how bad ass you are.

Chris 38:53

You, you, I completely lost a thought. I was like, yeah, you just prepare like you're going to present.

Sarah 38:59

You just prepare like, you're gonna prepare. You just prepare.

Chris 39:03

fuck, what am I? I'm John Madden. Football is football. And it's good because it's football. Red Favre. Nobody knows who John Madden is.

Sarah 39:14

I do. don't people know who John Madden is?

Chris 39:19

He's old,

Sarah 39:20

Yeah, he's dead, isn't he?

Chris 39:22

dead. Yeah. Yeah. That's why he's not on TV anymore.

Sarah 39:24

Yeah, okay. Anyway.

Chris 39:27

Anyway, yes, I love this concept of choosing, choosing a way to approach it and then preparing appropriately. If you think this is going to be a stressful situation, and it's also about knowing yourself, right? if I know that I have to feel nervous or I'm not going to feel okay going into a meeting, then I got to prepare like it's an important thing.

Sarah 39:49

Yeah.

Chris 39:50

And I have to put myself in those nervous, stressful situations every once in a while, or I lose focus and end up shaky voiced in a meeting.

Sarah 39:59

And I, the, the talk I was listening to today that Michael Gervais did, he mentioned something about this, like going into presentations and public speaking and things of that nature where you're, or an interview, anything really where you're nervous and you have that like anxiety built up. It's people who are living a Purpose driven life versus the performance driven life. That feeling is because what you're doing that purpose, that the outcome of what you're doing is going to have something, an outcome. What's the word I'm looking for? Effects. Yeah. It has an impact on the purpose that you have committed to. So that's where your nervousness is coming from. Whereas if you're a performance based, you're going into it like, fuck, I'm going to fuck if I fuck up, if I don't do it exactly right, this is what people are going to think. So there's the difference. so I thought that was pretty cool.

Chris 41:01

it really is. Cause I'll give you a story from today. Like I got a phone call last night. Hey, these clients are upset. can you get on the phone with them? Yeah, sure. It's what I do. It's my job. Yes. Obviously I can get on the phone with them. And then it comes time to get on the phone with them. And I'm like, this is the first time this client has seen you in action in front of, this is the first time that this group of people has seen you in action in front of a client. And then I got in my own head and had a shaky voice first three minutes until I went, Christine,

Sarah 41:39

Christine.

Chris 41:40

don't be a dick. You have everything you need to make this meeting successful right in front of you. Stop it. And then he went,

Sarah 41:49

fine.

Chris 41:54

meeting turned out great. Client

Sarah 41:56

you go. Congratulations.

Chris 41:58

but it was being able to recognize that, You have everything that you need to do. Like you, you prepared you, you have bullet points to talk about. You are not going to be caught with your pants down. And even if you are caught with your pants down,

Sarah 42:12

You got a big dick.

Chris 42:14

I don't have

Sarah 42:15

don't know. I feel like that's, I feel like that's where we were going. It was, caught with your pants down, it's totally fine because you got a big dick

Chris 42:23

it wasn't. It was that, it was simply that I don't need the validation of, of being unprepared or of having, yeah, I don't need the validation of having a big dick. I am fine and enough, in these situations and, if I have to apologize and start over then, so what? Who gives a shit? Nobody cares. Nobody cares.

Sarah 42:46

Nobody cares.

Chris 42:47

the client cares because they're losing millions of dollars every day, but

Sarah 42:51

but there's a whole difference there. It's not, yeah, when you're saying like, nobody gives a shit again, it goes back to the. Performance versus the purpose. we care about the purpose. Of course, we care about the purpose. Okay, let's move on to chapter eight. You ready?

Chris 43:08

I'm ready. What is it?

Sarah 43:09

eight. Hi, Macho. Do you want to just sit here and let me scratch you so you'll stop barking? How about that? Okay. That was my Macho voice. I hate my kid for having a hip problem now, so he can't take the Fucking dog out. Stupid crutches. Okay. anyway, so now on to

Chris 43:27

so much to cut out so much

Sarah 43:30

It's

Chris 43:30

chapter 8 carry on

Sarah 43:32

Chapter eight. We talk about the birth of Fopo. So we talk about where, right out the chicken. wonder how big Fopo was.

Chris 43:40

Stop it PZ out of me. Let's just throw them all out there.

Sarah 43:44

so we talk about the birth of Fopo and discuss the question, do we really know what someone else is thinking? So the birth of Fopo, What you had something to say?

Chris 43:54

I like that. I like this I read it and I forgot that I read it and now that you said it I remember and I liked it

Sarah 44:01

Oh, okay. Good. Yeah. I like this too. It's, Gervais talks about where FOPO came from and his background. he mentioned at the beginning, it was at the, it started with his, psychology studies, but on the call or on the, Interview I watched today. He had mentioned that FOPO is something that he started recognizing like his teens anyway

Chris 44:28

FOPO in your teens. Got it

Sarah 44:30

Okay, so he starts out in his studies of psychology and at this time there was still that major stigma that Psychology was more of a reactive tool for fixing things that are broken and whatever you're fixing that needs to be done behind closed doors. It's not discussed anywhere else. It wasn't considered psychology wasn't considered to be a proactive practice where you invest in your own well being and where you can use it to improve your performance. Gervais says, another, Fight Club reference. It's like Fight Club. The first rule of psychology is we don't talk about psychology.

Chris 45:13

Ugh, this is everything this podcast is against.

Sarah 45:17

yes, and he didn't like that. He was like, no, I don't think that's how it should be. And he wondered from the very beginning of his studies in psychology, like what could things be like if we started talking about it, if we challenged that, if we drew a little bit outside the lines, and he wanted to change that conversation. But He had an internal dilemma if he did that, what was that going to say about him? What were his peers going to think? How would he be judged on a professional level? And that kind of Was in the back of his head constantly and probably slowed down his progress to getting where he did eventually get to and Upon graduation, he decided to go into, sports psychology and decided to go into the extreme sports because he wanted to, draw outside the lines and kind of change things around and extreme sports at that time. that's what was happening in

Chris 46:16

he's a rebel. He's a rebel and he never ever does what he should.

Sarah 46:21

Wow. Did you just make that up? What song is that?

Chris 46:23

No, it's from the fifties.

Sarah 46:25

Oh, okay. Okay. Good. Okay. So yeah. So extreme sports was rewriting the rules on regular sports. So he wanted to do that in psychology. So that's what he got into. So this is where he, Starts working with M. A. M. A fighters gonna kill the fucking dog really? Okay, so he starts working with an MMA fighter a well known MMA fighter and He has the opportunity to work with this guy prepare for like big fight And there's a lot of psychology behind that if you think about it, and a lot of sports It's all about psychology. especially when you get on that elite level, it's really, your body becomes just the extension of what you can do in your mind. So that's what he was all about and working with this guy and, coming out for that fight, was on the coaching staff. when they come out for the MMA fight, they're walking out and they have the coaches behind them and everything. He was, he was a part of that. And after the fight, everything went awesome. He won the fight. He was all excited about it. He was super excited about everything that he was learning about psychology and, sports and the things he was going to be able to do. And after that fight, he got a call from his mentor and his mentors said, Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Walking behind an MMA fighter on television. And he was like, what, like all the excitement that he had. He was. He lost it. He was done. was gone. He called his wife, who I have now, I now love. Her name is Lisa. And he called his wife and he told her, and she was like, you know what? You should tell him, fuck off,

Chris 48:11

Suck a bag of dicks.

Sarah 48:13

suck a bag of dicks mentor. thank goodness for all of us, cause what would we do without the concept of FOPO? He continued to go on his way and, wrote off his mentor and continued to do what he was doing. And working with the elite sports and talking about things, making it, helping it D stick, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. talking about mental health and bringing it out there, along the way, he's still internally struggled with, what his mentor really meant because he just took it for what he thought it was. And that's what he thought his mentor was saying. No, you need to get back in your lane. You need to get back behind the closed door. And he struggled with that for quite some time. And he eventually got the opportunity to talk to his mentor. He had come to one of his talks and when he got the opportunity to ask him, what did you mean by that? He decided he didn't care he was going to continue on with what he was doing. And the major lesson he took out of that for himself was had. Had I just asked at that time, I probably wouldn't have lost that friendship. And that would have been a relationship that could have been an awesome professional relationship, whatever. But in addition to that, I could have learned something more about myself. So instead of questioning, he just went on and said, this is, I know exactly what he's thinking. So this leads us into how do we know what people are thinking? And are we really able to. Decipher what people are thinking.

Chris 49:49

I love this.

Sarah 49:51

So this, if you think about it, I mean on a daily basis we're constantly trying to figure out what people are thinking and we think that we're really good at it. I think I'm really good at it. Like I could walk away and be like that's what a bitch. Meanwhile, she's not a bitch at all and I'm just making that up. Yeah. Anyway, so we come to another study that was done with couples. they took couples, they put them in separate rooms, they asked the one partner a bunch of, or 20 questions, and then they asked the other partner to predict what the other one was going to answer. They also asked that partner to estimate how many questions they would get right, how many they would predict properly. every day they do this experiment and they find that the couples They are able to predict a little bit better than just random, not really by that much.

Chris 50:50

hilarious.

Sarah 50:51

they were able to predict 5 out of 20 answers. On the random side of things, three out of 20 were answered. So they only answered two more than the random. What's even more surprising about it is that they estimated, and I'm, they were like, there were decimals and shit in the book. I just rounded

Chris 51:11

They're decimal.

Sarah 51:12

fuck that. Anyway, they estimated, this is what's crazy. they estimated on average that they would be able to answer at least 13 questions properly. Like they would be able to predict 13 questions when all they predicted properly was five. So it,

Chris 51:30

And these are the people that you're supposed to know better than anybody else, right? So

Sarah 51:35

So we think that we know what they were thinking and it's Not at all. All we're doing is we're wasting a shit ton of mental energy and overthinking and overstimulating ourselves trying to figure out what other people are fucking thinking and it's really just a waste of our time and energy and Ultimately, it's really it's impossible think about your brain There's lots of shit going on up there. Like lots of shit. It's super complicated and we think that we're gonna go ahead and decode it by guessing what someone is thinking. And it's just not possible.

Chris 52:11

this would have been really valuable information when I was dating,

Sarah 52:15

Yeah. Yeah. This is still valuable. I'm starting to learn now like Noah and I will be talking about something. I'm like, you didn't do that because blah blah blah and he's what? I was like, yeah. I know that's what you were thinking. and this was like 15 years ago. Like I'm talking now and I'm talking about something 15 years ago. And that's what I have functioned of the last 15 years thinking he thought this one thing and he was like, no, that's not you made that up. yeah, it happens. And you might be sitting there listening right now thinking, I don't do that. I don't do that. I'm right though. I'm right. I know my partner. Start asking questions. See how it goes. Cause I guarantee you're going to be a little surprised.

Chris 53:00

Take the quiz. I'm sure the quiz from that study is online somewhere. Just take it.

Sarah 53:05

Yeah. See how it. comes out.

Chris 53:07

I, know for sure, David and I don't think the same thing ever. Not even once we would predict each other's answers. Zero out of 20 times,

Sarah 53:15

Yeah.

Chris 53:16

accidentally we would get it right.

Sarah 53:18

Yeah. We would definitely do random. We might get two.

Chris 53:22

idea what that cat's thinking at all ever, which is why I like keeping them around.

Sarah 53:27

Yeah. thought you were talking about like your actual cat and I was like, you know what your cat's thinking? meow. Meow. That's what your cat's thinking. Maybe David's thinking that too. I think that's what Stets is thinking. Sometimes. Oh, I shouldn't say that. We'll have to cut that out. Meow. Meow. Meow. Anyway.

Chris 53:44

yeah, the cats are thinking this bitch all the time.

Sarah 53:47

You fucking

Chris 53:48

Put me down.

Sarah 53:50

Right now Macho is thinking my bladder

Chris 53:54

Get off the phone. All right,

Sarah 53:56

him out right before we started. Okay. Anyway, so going from this instead of just assuming that we know and trying to guess what we know, what's the better option? What's the best way to fight FOPO?

Chris 54:06

ask

Sarah 54:07

Amen!

Chris 54:08

opinion is. don't be afraid of it. Just ask.

Sarah 54:13

the answer is super simple. Inquiry. Ask, listen. When you ask, actually listen. that's always a good idea. So instead of assuming, take the time to ask somebody else for their perspective directly. if you think about Gervais interaction with his mentor, like we said, like there could have been, he could have saved himself a lot of inner turmoil for years that he over thought that if he had just come out and asked him what he meant by that, instead of just taking this defensive stance on it.

Chris 54:51

Yeah. I'll tell you a quick story if you want about my early career

Sarah 54:56

yeah.

Chris 54:57

when when I got my first Data manager job and I was convinced I had tricked everyone into giving me this job like I I, I don't have a, I didn't at the time have a lot of self worth, right? So I, I think that I've tricked people into giving me this job. I'm definitely not qualified to do it and I'll obviously never be able to learn it. the same day they hire me, the same day I start, another girl starts and she's got Five years of experience.

Sarah 55:26

Oh, yikes. Whoo.

Chris 55:27

she's, she's very confident in her presentation and, for the rest of the time that she and I worked together, I was consistently. just assuming that I was second, like I'm second, I'm the second one. we're ranking people, we're going to rank her first and then you're going to, and then you're going to get to me. and that's cool. I accept my position as second because, obviously I tricked people into being here and she's really qualified. So cool. and it would turn out that wasn't the case at all. I didn't trick people into hiring me. I got hired because I'm a hard worker and I'm good at what I do. and if I would have, if I would have stopped thinking like that, I probably could have contributed more. I probably could have, instead of just assuming that everybody's opinion was exactly what my opinion was about myself. And, instead of just assuming that when they asked for volunteers, they didn't want me to volunteer, they wanted her to volunteer, think of the things that I could have potentially done so much sooner in my career if I just would have smartened up a bit sooner. And, eventually I got there. Eventually, you start looking at. You just start believing in yourself a little bit more and, yeah, but what a waste. What a waste.

Sarah 56:45

Yeah. But it happens and we're learning and that's why we're doing this.

Chris 56:49

Yes. Don't you be like me. Don't you be like me.

Sarah 56:52

yeah. Don't do those. don't make those silly decisions. Be more open minded and be more willing to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask questions. And that's really how we're able to combat FOPO and move forward from it. One of course, one of my favorites, Be Curious, Not Judgmental, which I thought was an actual Ted Lasso quote, but that was actually Walt Whitman quote.

Chris 57:15

even Walt

Sarah 57:16

It wasn't? Okay, who was it?

Chris 57:18

I don't know. It's misquoted. it's not Walt,

Sarah 57:21

I, you know what? I fucking said it. That's who said it. Sarah Lee Ward.

Chris 57:24

on my, it's on my water bottle. It was last year's mantra. Be curious, not judgmental.

Sarah 57:29

And it's huge.

Chris 57:30

choose violence.

Sarah 57:32

Okay, we're not choosing violence. We're gonna be curious instead of being judgmental or defensive, and we're gonna,

Chris 57:40

then we're going to choose violence.

Sarah 57:42

no, no, nope, no. We're gonna spend less time judging others or worrying about their judgment to us. just in case you're thinking, I don't judge others, fuck you. You're lying. Just wanted to let you know you're lying. You're lying.

Chris 58:03

kindest hearted person anyone has ever met.

Sarah 58:05

Yeah. If you're saying you don't judge others, you're probably a psychopath,

Chris 58:09

you have very little self awareness.

Sarah 58:11

You're, or you're incredibly enlightened. I don't know, whatever, but yeah, just no, absolutely not. And you just have to, the key is to recognize it and not let the judgment. Dictate what you're doing and dictate your actions. I think that's, no, I have a couple more points. I have one more, I have actually, in closing, I have a closing point. FOPO is a powerful force, but it doesn't have to control us. By embracing curiosity and asking questions and staying open to new perspectives, we can break free from the fear of, that's a lot of F's, other people's opinions. And if all fails, if all else fails, channel your inner Barry Manilow and own your uncoolness. Own that shit. Own that shit.

Chris 59:03

Story of my life.

Sarah 59:04

And I lied. I lied. I have One last thing. we're not going to, we're not going to choose violence. Side note, I just, because we touched upon it and we talked about athletes and elite athletes, I just had a side note that, the public conversations, about mental health in sports. Have really been helping de stigmatize the field and I'm really hoping that continues because we've seen it. We've talked about, Simone Biles. there are several other, I know there's some NFL guys like, and these are the people that, that we really need to continue to speak out. It really helps everybody recognize that this isn't, it's for real, it's here and we should talk about it and help each other.

Chris 59:46

Yep. 100%. 100%. There's, we protect our bodies in different ways by taking care of them. And we should take as much time, dedication, effort and support to take care of our minds as well. And the more we speak out about it, the more we tell each other to go get therapy, the more we encourage each other to take a break. even if that is, hey, why don't you just take a little bit of a deep breath there and, grab some coffee. let's go have a talk about this instead of choosing violence.

Sarah 1:00:21

Yeah, I think that's way better. I really like that. Instead of choosing violence, I think that's the better way to go. But it's really nice to see that, this is continuing to become, a more talked about subject and we just need to keep pushing it.

Chris 1:00:36

No, I love it. I love that. we talked about mindfulness as a way to combat FOPO and now we're talking about having an open mind and being curious. And again, going back to instead of protecting your performance based identity, taking the opportunity to look at a learning opportunity, right? And do that. you go. That's it. That's all I got for you.

Sarah 1:01:04

I got distracted by the chat. I

Chris 1:01:07

I don't even see it.

Sarah 1:01:09

don't know.

Chris 1:01:11

Is Chad here?

Sarah 1:01:13

backstage. Oh, no. It was just alerting me that I could whisper to you guys backstage via chat because that's yeah This is not gonna help me or maybe there is a chat. I'm Confused. Okay right. Anyway, that's all I have for the week.

Chris 1:01:29

Thank goodness, because I have to pee.

Sarah 1:01:31

Yeah, I think the dog might have to pee too. I'm not sure.

Chris 1:01:35

is how we end every episode now. Oh, thank god, I have to pee.

Sarah 1:01:38

but so next week we are going to finish up the assess portion and we are going to look at, chapter nine. We see things as we are.

Chris 1:01:50

Ah, yes.

Sarah 1:01:51

social beings masqueraded as separate selves.

Chris 1:01:55

Everybody has ADD. Love you, bye!

Sarah 1:01:59

that's it. All right. I guess we can say goodbye. Love you. Bye. We got to come up with a better sign off. I had.