Episode 57: Coming in Blind

In this episode of 'The Mental Funny Bone,' sisters Christine and Sarah talk candidly about mental health while sharing humorous anecdotes from their lives. Christine discusses her overweight cat's health issues and amusing interactions with her family The Girls also delve into the pressures faced by high-achieving students and the importance of mental health support. The episode touches on college experiences, parenting highs and lows, and the tragically intertwined lives of crime victims and perpetrators. Throughout, they maintain a light-hearted tone, making sure laughter is never too far away.

How to find mental health help when you're struggling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
https://washingtoncountyhumanservices.com/agencies/behavioral-health-developmental-services
https://www.alleghenycounty.us/Services/Human-Services-DHS/Publications/Resource-Guides
Apps - Just search mental health where you get your apps.
EAP programs are a great place to look for help!!

Additional Resources (Sports Related):
https://globalsportmatters.com/health/2020/12/04/mental-health-resources-2/

Transcript

Chris: 0:02

Welcome to The Mental Funny Bone. This is a podcast where we endeavor to take some of the stigma away from mental challenges that we all go through. We focus on mental wellbeing and mental health, and basically we just try to make sure that we are working towards being better people. Yeah. I'm Christine. We just really have conversations. I'm Sarah that we are sisters, and we started this podcast. Gosh, 18, 19 months ago. And generally we got the idea when, when we were talking on the phone and making each other laugh mm-hmm. Generally through tears of some sort. Um, and uh, here we are, little bit of background for people who may be just tuning in for the first time. I feel like we should probably do that every once in a while. Um, little bit of background. My daughter, Olivia, tried to take her own life at 14, so we've been caretaking, uh, in. Generally working really hard to make sure she's got the, the help and the resources that she needed. And I feel like I would have been better off if someone would've mentioned maybe I wasn't the only one doing that. Um, and you can give them a little bit of, uh, your story about why mental health is so important to you. And then we can carry on with the podcast. I have a couple of topics for today and a gaster story of the week. I love coming into it completely blind and just seeing what the fuck happens. It's. One of my favorite things, one of my favorite things. So yeah, my backstory, I have lived with depression and anxiety. Had a touch of insomnia there for a little while. Um, which I wanna talk about sleep today'cause I'm having issues. But yeah. So anyway, it's been a, it's been up and down. And when that shit first started, it probably would've been nice if I knew that I wasn't on an island by myself. So, we're also gonna recommend that you guys tune in on the, on the YouTubes. To see us, number one, because my face is doing some, some wacky stuff. My hair it, mm-hmm. There's a, there's a bang that's outside of the headphone, the headband, and it's just, just wild. Also, for those of you who went to Bethany College and might be tuning into this podcast, my background these days is my diploma, so we've switched around the office in an attempt to improve the feng shui and the mental flow of things. Feng Shui or fe fe feng shui. Look, I'm certified. Look at you. These are my certifications. My gosh. I love that. There's a like a yellow sticker on it that says certified. Yeah, that's my favorite part. I mean, I just printed these. If you want like row ones on fancy paper, you have to pay$15. I was like, like I'll just print them. I'll just, I'll just put this one right here. It's fine. That's fine. All right. So this is our, is our podcast Mostly it's, it's like a phone conversation between the two of us where we we're, we're funny. Um, I, I had to take Rosemary, my cat to the, to the vet because she has arthritis in her hip. Yeah. And I've never identified more with an animal in my whole life. Yeah, it sucks getting old. We, she's, she's only six. I know. She doesn't feel old. Do you feel old? She's a cat. She's trying to, and she's extremely, well, not extremely, but she's a big boned, so she's, she's a, she's size model. She's got some extra, she's got some extra shit to carry around. She's doing great. Like, she'll wake up and she'll limp around and then she, you know, we can give her some morphine if she feels. If, if she feels like it. I don't know. Have you talked to her about how it would improve her life if she went on a diet, got a little more exercise, maybe worked on her sleep? I feel like she gets enough sleep. No, no. She doesn't need to work on her sleep. She's, uh, she's, uh, currently, uh, so she puts in a full workday, but yeah. I mean, when there's, uh, meetings happening, rose is involved. Mm-hmm. So she, she, she puts in a full workday, so I feel like she gets that part. Like maybe, you know, six hours of meetings every day, don't you? Yes. Um, we did. I'm gonna cover ears right now. Uh, we did talk about, you know, maybe not free feeding her, like making her wait till the little machine says kitties. Time to eat. Mm-hmm. Yeah. She didn't, she didn't appreciate that. She just stood there looking at me and then she walked over to the food dish and laid in it. So, yeah, I don't, I mean, I dunno. Maybe she enjoyed it. I don't know. The vet said she could probably lose two pounds and that would put her more in the normal range and she would probably be a lot more comfortable. But. Right. I was like, every time we talk about weight, I think about shitting. Like every time we talk about weight, I relate it to the weight of a poop. Like, I think, welcome to our pounds. I could shit that out. Like this morning, I'll, I'll shit that out. It seems like it, but Rose is a cat. Like she just little like, uh, Tootie rolls. That's rolls. That's she, that's all she poops, right? That's it. Macho. We did think about maybe, but, but we also have another cat, uh, the one-eyed cat, UNO, Ivan. And, uh, I wish Tim was Ivan every time you say it. Uh, but it's not, it's Uno and we're afraid he'll die because Rose won't let him eat any of the food. Like we would have to put him in a room by himself and then let him eat before. And then Rose is still gonna try to steal his food. Like Rose. Yes, rose can be a real cunt. Sometimes she can't. She's a plus size model. She deserves it, don't you? Yes. You're very pretty. The picture of a ruga salt in her right? She wants it now. There's a drawer in the kitchen where we keep the, keep the treats. Yeah. Her head, T-R-E-T-R-E-A-T-S, maa know, knows how to spell now kit. It's goddamn dogs. But, uh, when that drawer opens, she's like. She will go from wherever she is and even when the arthritis was at its worst and she was basically like a three-legged kitty, she would sprint over to the drawer and just sit there in front of it. Like I thought, I heard it open and I'm not sure where, where the treats are now. There's her hand, she's ow, ow. She's a monster. She's a bully monster. When you said you had to cover her ears, I thought maybe that you meant, you were talking about taking her to the, to the farm. No, I can't. Like that is the other thing, like we also had the family discussion about how much money we would invest into an animal that only really lives for 10 years anyway. Mm-hmm. And Olivia, Olivia said, there is a brand new$80,000 truck in our driveway, and if we don't spend$3,000 to save this cat's life, this cat that I love more than both of you. Mm-hmm. She live like, I will never forgive you. Yeah. And I was like, yeah. Okay. So I guess, yeah. We'll, we'll go ahead and, uh, we'll invest some money into Yeah. You know, orthopedic surgery for the kitty. That's fine. You know what they do? I don't think I wanna know, but go ahead. They. When, when it gets bad enough, her little hip joint gets bad enough. They, they go in, they layer, they layer out like flat, and then they cut into the hip and they get like a wire cutters and they cut off the top of the hip joint and they sew in the muscles and it just snugs everything up there. So cool. I was like, maybe we just a cat do that. Can we do that at home? I feel like I, yeah, somebody had anatomy. I didn't, but somebody did. Fine. Fine. Speaking of anatomy today is, uh, today's first day of school here. First day of like all school, like his regular school and technical school. He started technical school two days ago, but today is everything. You sad. So he starts his day with honors physics and I was like, you made very bad decisions. He said, you made very believe decisions. I can't believe, I can't believe I'm starting my day with honors physics. I was like, that's that, that's literally your fault. Like you all of a sudden decided you wanna take these smart classes? I told you stay in regular classes and just excel, but you don't listen to me. Honors physics, you've never, you've never done homework. Granted, you've just, you know, flown on by and gotten grades that are just fine. However, you're now taking. Honors physics, AP something for math. I don't know. A bunch of shit I would never do. And here's the, here's the thing. Every time we talk about Owen in school, all I can think of is him bellowing from my bathroom. I'm done. I'm done. Mm-hmm. And that over to somebody wipes his ass, right? Yeah. Now he's taking honors physics. I don't, I don't know. Whatever, whatever. He's, uh, he's a little bit, he has a soccer game tonight, second soccer game of the season. And, um. He's a little frustrated. When he came home from practice yesterday, he played really well. In his first game. He almost had a header goal and he almost had a volleyball, like the first one, goalie. It was a volley, and the goalie made a really good save. And the second one, which was the header, went off the post dude. So, but he played really well. Like he was the only one who had like shots on goal for the first bit of the game. Um, he didn't start, he came in as a sub, which was expected. So I picked him up from practice last night and he was a little bit shitty, and I said, what happened, dude? He was like, well, Jeff's not, Jeff's not playing tomorrow. I'm still not starting. And I was like, oh, and there's not many four words. So I was kind of confused by that myself. Like, and I, I mean, I have to say, I'm, and I maybe, maybe you can correct me if I'm wrong. I think I'm pretty hard on my kid. So it's not like I'm just saying this shit because I'm not gonna correct that at all. Yeah. Like, I mean, when it comes to sports, like, I'm like, dude, you don't deserve to be there. Like, I'm the first one to tell it. Right? Like, you're not good. Wow. That was bad. So. So I say this like, so, you know, I, I mean, I feel like it's for real. Like he's worked really hard over the last year and he played really well in that first game. And at the end of the game, like a few of the parents even sent me texts like, he should be starting, I'm not sure why he is not starting like God. So anyway, right, right. So they're moving someone from a different position. Into his position to start tonight and he's not very happy about it. Salty about it. I said Yeah. I mean you can go ahead and be, be mad about it, but you do know how you fix it, right? Like you go into the game'cause you'll be the first sub that comes in. You turn around, give everybody double middle fingers. No, no, don't do that. It's, I was like, okay. Mentally, mentally, as you're on your way in, you give everybody double mids. And then you play your fucking ass off. That's what you do. And I mean, score a goal, that's great, but play your ass off and show them that you deserve to be there. Like that's the best thing that you can do. Work so hard. You don't give them the option. Yeah. So that's, that's where we are. So I kind of felt bad for, and you know, that I would have, I would've said, well, you don't deserve to start, if I thought, right, right. It's so. It's so fun'cause both our kids should be tiny toddlers.'cause you know, obviously being in our mid twenties, we shouldn't have children that are Yeah. It makes I'm way too young to have a junior in high school, honestly. Junior in college. What are you, are you joking? My, I'm on Facebook. People are, my friends are dropping off their kids at college. I'm like, what the f fuck, where are we? I don't understand. I mean, I guess it's good'cause I, I, I don't feel like I'm right, but also I don't, I, but also the golden girls like, yeah. Right. I look at that show and I'm like, hold up Blanche. Mm-hmm. In that show is the same age I am now. Yeah. Uhhuh, I gotta say you look a lot better than Blanche. I mean, first of all, you don't have the hair that requires you to go to the salon every Friday, but I would love it. I'm not sure why I don't. Oh, dear God. Yeah, it's, I, it's confusing to me. I, I mean, I guess everybody, I, everybody, but it's not one of those things like mommy and daddy, where I'm like, I felt like they were older, like, right. But, but with the golden girls, like, like I look, look at them now and I'm like, they're still, they still look old. Like, it's not like I've just adjusted'cause I got old. Do you know what I mean? Right. No, it's not like I look at them like, oh yeah, okay, we're comparable. I just didn't realize that. Like I feel like I would probably do that looking back at mommy and Daddy being like, oh, yeah, I see where we're comparable in ages, but with the golden girls, like they still look fucking old, right? Like Blanche had lost her husband, rose had lost her husband. Dorothy was divorced, but her mom looked ancient, right? Ancient Sophia. She was just waddling around. Picture it. She was the best Sicily person. She might be the best tvb character ever. Sicily 1942. How much? I don't know why I thought of this. Somebody at the golf outing mentioned Bill Cosby and something funny about Bill Cosby and I was like, that really sucks that Bill Cosby. Now, every time someone mentions him, not that people do a lot.'cause this might be the first time I've heard his name in a very long time, which is appropriate. But like as soon as we were laughing about something, as soon as he said it, like literally everybody was like, Ooh. And it makes me mad. It makes me mad.'cause it was such a good show and there were so many other great people in that show and it things were funny and now we can't talk about them because he's a disgusting right person. Dad is great. Give me chocolate cake. Come on. Yeah. These are good standup routines. Yeah, but I just can't piece of shit. Piece of shit. Yeah. Anyway, so back to back to the children. So Liv, Liv starting her junior year. She's got anatomy, histology, organic chemistry, histology. Do you wanna know what went through my head? Is it like a combination history and bought, yeah. Histology. I don't know what it is. Like she signed up, she's like, I have histology. And I was like, Ooh, that sounds. I don't know is what is, yeah. Hard. I'm not sure. It's history and biology. It's the history of biology. I don't, it's Do they have that on the histology channel? Like Yeah. Right. The histology of food. Yeah. Foods that made histology great Again, I don't know, but she is, uh, she is also struggling, excuse me, with the athletics too. She's. She thought that she was gonna slide into that center back position, and, uh, the coach was like, we're gonna go with jelly. Jelly had center back. And uh, she was like, all right, cool, cool. I was like, well, you know, Liv, it's not, it's not, you don't get to, your job is to go out and work hard and show the coach where you're, where you're gonna be. It's not to figure everything out, like just. Do your stuff. I mean, same thing. She's, she's still starting at, she is she still an outside back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's, uh, but she's playing left back. And I was like, which for those of you not following along terribly closely, I, uh, played soccer in college and I played left back. There you go. At, uh, Bethany College, I don't know if you guys are on the YouTubes and you can see the diploma. It's giant. You can see it, but it's so fancy that you can't tell what the fuck it is. Like that's what you get when you go to. Written in Latin. It's in Latin, right? I mean, you can't tell it's in Latin. I just know that from seeing it, right? There is a, but yeah, I think this signature right here on, on the diploma that is the, uh, one of the security guards, because he wrote me so many parking tickets that last year I was at college. He was like, I might as well sign my name here as well. Love in college. We get so many parking tickets'cause we're fucking lazy. That's, that's what it, right. I don't know. Right. Like I ended up with a boot on my car. Same. Same. Yeah. I don't like how there's, there's never enough parking. Where you need it. Yeah. Like everyone wants to be the same place. Mm-hmm. And the campuses are only so big. Yeah. And there's no way I'm gonna walk from another parking lot over to my sorority house. Let's not be ridiculous. Yeah. There's there's no way. I mean, it really, it's kind of puts a hinder on things when you, when you go out to your car and there's a big old boot on it and you're like, oh, it really does fuck. Especially when it's parked illegally. Gonna have to walk a lot farther now. Right. I had to work at the fish fry because I didn't have enough money to get the boot off my car at the fish fry for the firemen. I had to work like a full day on good fry when everyone else, someone's delicious. Do you know what you smell like after working at the fish fry all day? What you smell like? Is that what you said? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You smell like fried fish. You smell like a bar. You smell like a kid. I dated in high school. You smell like so much dirty vagina that wow. Woo. You can't right into it. I, I took my clothes off in my room, took a shower, and when I came back into that room, just because the clothes had been in there. Yeah. Like I had to open windows. I'm like, I, yeah. I had to throw those clothes away. You are like, yeah, but I didn't have to walk from that other parking lot. Right. I was parked and the whole time I'm parked illegally. Yeah. So no lessons were learned at the fish fry. No. Regardless of how bad I smelled, zero. No lessons. Zero. Yep. No lessons. Yeah. I had to throw away a really nice sweater vest from old Davy. A good old sweater vest. It's your go-to. Oh, that in a turtleneck. So fun. Now I can wear a turtleneck underneath that. Um, a turtleneck underneath a Eddie Bauer button down. Yes. Yeah. I feel like you definitely put a turtleneck under, uh, under a sweater vest. Yeah. Um, definitely. Alright, so Olivia's talking about, uh, talking about all this stuff that, that she's going through. She's, uh, she's, she continually struggles with some of the, some of her soccer teammates. There's just, uh, there's just one, one mean girl. And, uh, I don't know if you remember when Liv was a freshman. This girl didn't invite Olivia to her birthday party and she invited everybody else on the team. Mm-hmm. And Olivia is hyper-focused'cause she's got a little bit of the OCD on this girl. And, uh, she's created a nemesis situation, which is. You know, in some ways kind of fun to watch because this girl's like singling out one of the weird freshmen and you know, just doing the same shit, like being mean to her. I'm like, why do you, but you're a senior? Like, yeah, I, when I was a senior, I don't think I even learned the freshmen's names. Was like, I was just gonna say like, it's such a, at that age, like in high school and even in college, there's such a age difference there that you don't even. Like, right. Yeah. Why are you even spending time? Like, I mean, that's just a good sign that she's an asshole and just going out of her way to, um, I mean, I shouldn't say that, right? I don't know her, but she kind of sounds like an asshole, um, who's going out of her way just to knock down other people to make herself feel better. I was like, Ugh, this is awful. Mm-hmm. And. So, Olivia and I have been talking a lot about how much energy and how much mental capacity you wanna spend on a team that clearly doesn't have, like the team thing that, that you were hoping for when you went to college like this. This is a, this is, go ahead. Sorry. Like it's not, is it filling your cup? Is it feeding your soul? Is it bringing you joy to be on this team? She's like. I love to play. She's like, once we're on the field and we're playing, as long as I'm not having to pass to this girl, then it's all, I feel good. Like, I like that part of it. She's like, I've done it for so long. I'm two years away from like finishing out the career. I wanna get the framed picture of my jersey on senior night. I'm like, well, you gotta balance that out with the fact that the team is sucking. A lot of your happiness and a lot of your ability to focus on other things, your lightness. And she's also missing out on being with the lacrosse team because she doesn't have the time. And those guys are just sweet. They're like, most of them didn't play look lacrosse very well, but now they're playing in college and they're, they're just a team. They're happy to see each other. Lives walking across campus yesterday talking to me on the phone and she's like, Hey, I'm gonna have a quick conversation. I'm just gonna put the phone down. I don't wanna have to call you back. Hold on. And you can hear her talking to like the lacrosse teammates and they're all like throwing compliments back and forth. Like, your skirt is so cute. How were your classes? Like everyone is just sweet. I'm like, you should spend more time with those guys. Like, that's the joy. That's what you're gonna take away after you get your framed jersey or whatever. Like in, in 10 years, you're gonna find that in the back of a closet. But you're gonna remember like the people that were nice and kind and helped each other. You're not gonna like, you're gonna remember the shitty soccer team, but you know, figure out what, figure out what you like. Figure out where your joy is. Yeah, and I mean like I think the biggest thing you said there is the balance of it. Like is the irritation that she has with the other teammates worth her love of playing? Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, she's gotta get, like people are shitty. They're gonna be shitty. That is, and you can't let them overtake your life. Like that's, yeah. You're giving them entirely too much power over you. I was like, this is also good practice. Like eventually you're not gonna have a choice of whether or not you're gonna show up someplace where people. Love you and respect you. Like eventually at some point between now and when you die, you're going to end up in a job or a group or something where people are dicks and maybe this is like your practice for it. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. So she went to, she's the way it goes, talk to her lacrosse coach. And she's like, I know. Um, I know Frazier will, she'll, she'll tell me the truth. And she's so much like me. She puts a premium on winning and not quitting. And I'm like, right, right. Yeah, definitely. Go talk to Frazier and see, see what's up. And the difference in Olivia's voice before that talk and after that talk was just so good. Yeah. Like, and she decided to, she decided that she's gonna stick with the soccer, which I was surprised about. She's like, well, Frazier didn't tell me everything I wanted her to tell me. But she did have good advice, and I was like. She told Olivia, she's like, what are you gonna think about when you're 30? She's like, what are you gonna miss? What are you gonna regret? And yeah, you have control over this now where you might not in the future, but you also won't have this again. This will be gone. And Olivia was like. That's right. She's right. I mean, also, Olivia sent me a text message specifically to tell me that the division three training staff is not only learning how to tape ankles, but also receiving some mental health training as well. That's what I thought too. I was like, oh, I can't imagine this when I was playing. I can't imagine anyone being like, are you okay? Literally, we like mental health was never mentioned and if it was, if anybody said mental health, we were like, what the fuck is that? I don't understand. Like it was, you were crazy. Like literally you were crazy. You were one flew over the cuckoo's nest like Right. That's literally what mental health was to us. There was no, yeah, there was a shunning. I remember the one girl was like, she's like, I just have to take a semester off. Like I have to focus on my mental health. And we were like, God, she's in the cuck coon. She's in the cuckoo nest. Yeah. Oh my God. Nobody wants to be your roommate now. Psycho. Yeah. Right. I can't imagine. Like I turn like there were. Un innumerable, uh, practices where I would turn up like literally in tears because I'm a giant baby and somebody was mean to me in class, or I didn't get an A and you know, throwing the cleats around. And for someone to even acknowledge it would've been so weird. Coach is like, Hey, get out there. Yeah, get moving. That's it. Come on, let's go. Let's take that aggression out outta the field there lady. Thanks. Thanks, Katie. Gotcha. Yeah. So wild, but I think so necessary. For sure, for sure. I do worry that. And this is gonna sound terrible, especially on this podcast, but I do worry that sometimes we're getting too far, not too far. I don't know the words to use, but I feel like we also have to take responsibility for things that we do. And I feel like there's a lot, not that we're teaching, I don't know how to explain it. You know what I'm getting at though? Like I feel like we're taking some of these things that we're battling as well, and using them as excuses in places where they're not. Actually an excuse like you need to take responsibility for your life as well. Again. I mean, I also think that's another, that's a tricky part of it too, because again, it's mental health. It's not like we can like, Hey, there's your broken bone. I could see that, that you're injured, so cool. But I mean. You're, you're, you're always gonna have, you're always gonna have people on, on one side of that equation, right? You're always gonna have people who are like, I'm taking a mental health day so I can get my nails done. Yeah. Cool. Awesome. Good, positive. And, you know, maybe, maybe you don't need a mental health day, do you? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah. If you wanna go get your nails done, just take the day off, like go get your nails done. I mean, it's the same, it it's tough. It's definitely, it's tough. Exactly. But I would rather err on having that person 50, 50,000 times. Right. And having the one person who is like, I am struggling so bad that I don't know what will help. Like is it getting my nails? It's done. No idea. Like people bitching about welfare and shit, like yeah. Alright. You are gonna have people that are gonna take advantage of it.'cause that's what they do. You have rich people that take advantage of a shit ton of stuff that nobody fucking pays attention to. Right. But anyway, that's a whole other con conversation, but. You're gonna have people that are gonna take advantage of it. But bottom line, like people need assistance, people need help. And a lot of those people that need help are kids. Yeah. Like, yeah. I would much rather let my tax dollars go to those people and have a, have some of them buy fucking SIGs with their access card or whatever they're doing. Then have these kids go hungry. Yeah, I mean especially, especially when we're talking about athletes and especially when we're talking about kids who are athletes in college. Somebody posted the division two workout for some school. And it's the same, it's the same workout. Like division one, division two, division three. Well division one's a little different. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like these kids are, uh, these kids excel in the class. These kids excel in the field. These are kids who on the outside look like they have it all together. And these are the kids that like. Don't get the nod sometimes, do you? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like they just slip through the cracks because they on the surface look like they're fine. So they're doing everything right and they're doing, they're excelling at everything and they're awesome. And I mean, now being a mom of a teenager who's gonna be taking the SATs and. Seeing what, what's going on with other kids? There are, there are several kids on the soccer team that I'm like, I can only imagine the amount of anxiety that lives in your body. Right? Like right. And. It. I don't know. I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. Like I don't give a fuck if you take SATs. Like I don't have a plan for you to go to bed early. I'm not making you go to class like so. I'm probably on the extreme other end of it. That's not good. Like we need a little bit in the middle. I personally would rather my kid not give a fuck about the SATs than 800 times. In an attempt to get a perfect score, it, it is like mon monthly, monthly, monthly scheduled to take SATs over the fall, monthly, like that. Many times. That's a lot of SATs. Like it's a standardized test. I know that one is September and October. I don't know about, I mean this is just, it's none of my business. Yeah, whatever. No, no, no. But I mean, in my head I'm like, I and I, I interact with him, the boy a little bit. To me, I'm like, wow, do you wanna go have fun? Like, do you want, let's go do something fun.'cause I feel like, um, you need that. Like, I feel like I can, I can feel the anxiety and tension in your poor little 17-year-old body from here, there. Like it's, it's a, it's a crazy thing. Like, I don't know if you remember, but when Liv was like, junior maybe. Yeah. We, we started like looking at schools and I made that into a. Data analytics problem. Mm-hmm. Like, and I wasn't even extreme. I don't know, uh, when Olivia was playing soccer and she, she was playing with some like really, really good teams and there were moms on that team that had like. Binders and recorded every moment that they were on the field. She's like, well, we're gonna need it. And I was like, for what? She was like, are you kidding? I was like, I don't, I just, I'm not, I don't get it. Yeah. I mean, so much, so much pressure on these guys. So much pressure. Like the one school Connellsville, they, um, I was watching the news accidentally last night because not only was this story on there, but there was two stories about people being mean to animals. What is, I know, right? I was sitting at the, at the, uh, too. I was teaching the other, I watch the news every day, but yeah, they start talking about the, the dog. And I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't turn it off. And I literally was just doing that, so I couldn't hear what was going on because I wasn't near the remote control. And I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't. It hurts my heart. I'm gonna cry. I can't, right. Sorry. Go ahead. Anyway, so we got past the animal cruelty stories and I was like, oh my God. In the Connellsville, they've, they've got like the, they've got like the little overachiever connellsville girls, like the ones who run student council and are in National Honor Society. My, yeah. Kindred spirits from back in the day. Yeah. And they're like, we think that it's really unfair that the school has decided to do away with class rankings. Like they don't, they don't give you a rank anymore. They, and the school board was like, because it just puts too much pressure on these kids. Like they take classes that they don't want. Yeah. They take classes. They, they lose the opportunity to take a class. That might be something that they're passionate about. Because it's not an AP class and it won't boost their GPA and it won't give them that, that little edge. Yeah. The, the kids were like, I need that. I need that to get into college. Like you could feel, it's fucking insane. It's insane. I can't like feel that it makes me wanna cry. I, and again, I mean, it is like. This is just me. This is how I feel. I feel like it's just entirely too much pressure. I feel like we've lost part of childhood, I guess. I don't know. I was up at the high school a few months ago and there's like a wall with like honor students, like listed and shit. Um, and I was like, oh, where, why isn't Owen's name up here? He has like a 3, 3 7. And I'm like, why? Why isn't Owen up here? And somebody was like, oh, you have to have above a 4.0. And I'm like. Excuse me, and I mean, it's a wall. Sorry, coming in, but there's a lot of them, right? I was like, uh, what, what do we do? What, what are we doing? Just don't, how can a kid and something's wrong when a kid has a three seven and they're not on an honors wall? Like, I don't, I don't understand this right? I mean, I get that there's people who have a 6.0 apparently that's, that's a valid thing. It's not a thing, but like I feel like it is nine. That makes nine. I have a four. That makes sense. Nine. But why are we putting, why this the way it did? It's the shit. I'm so confused by it and I hate every fucking bit of it. And I do believe that that's why my child is taking honors physics because this is what he thinks he needs to do. Right. The most I could do is be like, dude, you should have just stayed in the regular classes and kept getting a's easily. There were times in Olivia's career where I was super sad that she went to school where she, where she went, right. Like there's, there's not a lot of extra programs. There's not a lot of money in the school district. There's just not a lot of. Opportunities to do things right because no one else is doing them. Um, when it comes to that, and she graduates with like a four, four and she's fifth in the class, I'm like, that's no one, no one is gonna research the school too terribly much. And she did that without, uh, having a lot of pressure to do things that she didn't wanna do. Like she still took art classes that she liked. Uh, she still played soccer. Without feeling the pressure to do a whole lot of other things. And the good thing was she didn't have to take SATs'cause it was COVID. So, I mean, yeah, we didn't get, get appropriate or uh, good solid care after we did a little stint inpatient during COVID, but I mean. She didn't have to take the SATs. So it's a balance. Right. But yeah, I, I mean, I should also state that there are kids who thrive in that, who that works for'em. Yeah. And so it's cool. I, I just think that there are a lot of parents, I think there are a lot of kids in that situation who do not want to be in that situation. And, and it's simply their parents putting them in that situation, putting, putting them in that situation. And I think that sucks. But it is, it is a lot of pressure and it is, I don't, I don't know'cause it's been so long since I've been, uh, looking for jobs, but it seems to me like where I went to school, uh, eventually had less to do. With me getting the job. Like they're like, Bethany College, where's that? I have to agree that I don't fucking need, like I don't think I ever needed my degree, my bachelor's degree. I'm not sure I ever needed that for a job that I've had like you. You have more specific, but like mine's a basic business degree and I'm really maybe. It was like a requirement, but I, I think it was more of like when I, you know, you read the, the job listing and it's like, you know, preferred bachelor's degree, right? Like, I think those are the positions I've had. Like, and then my dumb ass went back to school three years ago, thought it would be a great idea to get a fucking master's degree that I'm, I'm. Never going to use. I can confidently say that nothing I did or learned throughout that$25,000 experiment will ever be used. But now, you know, um, yeah, I mean it's, which is why I am on the end of Owen, what the fuck are you, why are you taking these classes and trying to go to college that, yeah, like these are the, these are the kids that, that get overlooked because they do so well and. I think that having a little bit of focus on Rose, you gotta fucking stop. I'm, I'm looking at you. Rose is staring up at me like she has her head back like this looking at me like. Shut up, kitty. It's not time for you to talk. Um, yeah, but these are the kids who get overlooked, right? Like, oh, they're fine, they're fine, they're fine. And they're really just under so much stress and under so much pressure, and the first time things kind of go south for them. Having a little bit of help handling that would probably be a good idea. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I mean, anyway, that is the mental health stuff that I wanted to talk about. Like how do we get, how do we get the kids where they, where they need to be? And I don't know, it's so hard for me because, I mean, I was happy to go to college. I was happy that was you. Bless you. God bless me. Sorry. Couldn't get the mute fast enough. I could put my finger up in the air, but not on that mute button. Yeah, that's okay. We'd like sneak. Yeah, I was happy to go to college. Like in no one knew any, you know, no one knew any better. There were like four kids that were gonna do like foreign exchange programs.'cause that was important. The one kid's like, oh, I gotta do a bunch of volunteering at the old folks home. I mean, these were just, but they were like one, one kid. Like one kid. Mm-hmm. And it is just, it's just crazy. Just crazy. Anyway. Yeah, and I mean, I will say again, I'm not the perfect parent whatsoever. No. I sent my kid out for a driving lesson yesterday. I was like, can you not swear at the guy while you're in the car? He was like, well, I'll ask him what I can get away with. I was like, no, no, no, you won't. You'll get in the car and keep your fucking mouth shut. Did you say fucking mouth shut when you told him not to swear? Of course I did. Can you fucking not swear in the goddamn car, Owen? Like, just don't swear. Then I have one more kid story. We're on our way to soccer practice. He's driving and we drive a freshman with us who lives across the way and his brother is Owen's age and just got his permit. So this kid was telling Owen, like, or Owen asked if he had been out on the road yet and whatnot and, and Owen goes, you know, when the first time I was on the road and he's telling this kid this story. And I mean, long story short, it was because Noah was drunk and he needed to drive him home at 1:00 AM and this was the day they did, he had his wisdom teeth out too. So I mean, that adds a layer to it. And I was like, how about we not tell the stories? Did like make us look like bad parents. I mean, I guess the kids who, I guess the parents who were forcing their kids to take the SATs 8,000 times are talking about me being the drunk mom. I get it. I get it and I deserve it. Talk all you want, talk all you want. Cool. There's a balance. Judge me, I'm cool with it. But then he was like, well what about the second time I drove on the road? Uh, me and dad had to come get you at a party. You were drunk. I had to drive your car home at midnight. In the rain, and I was like, oh. I was like, yeah, let's, that's another one. We don't wanna tell that kid who's in the backseat. Sure, yeah. Thank you. Let's, why don't we, let's edit a little bit. Let's edit a little bit. Yeah. No, he's, no, no. The amount of times these days that I'm like, can you at least act like I'm here and then I'm a decent parent? Can you at least act like that around other people? So they think I'm a decent parent? Like, can we pretend. And then he laughs And I, I mean, I laugh'cause I'm like, huh, what the fuck? Only so much you could fucking do. I don't know. What else did I wanna talk about today? And I probably made a very poor choice, but as I was driving away from campus, dropping off my junior in her very safe college dorm room. Mm-hmm. I started listening to the Idaho four. Oh yeah. Not a good idea. Not a good idea. Right. What. What was I thinking? What was I thinking? What was I thinking? Why would I do that? No, why would I do that? No. So people who don't actively follow true crime with the same passion as middle-aged white ladies, there is. There's a, there's a very tragic recent case where four college students were, listen, if you're listening to this and you don't know of this case, even if you maybe look it up, do not follow a true crime. Even if you hate true crime. Like if you took a breath this morning and you don't know about this case. I'm concerned. I'm concerned. Current events, current events, I'm concern. Anyway, these, uh, these four kids ended up getting killed in their off-campus apartment. At four in the morning on a Saturday night after they'd all been out having good times. And this is the, excuse me, James Patterson. Do you remember James Patterson? He was a author like along Spider. He him like he's dead. Alex Cross novels like in the nineties. That's what I'm referring to, is that he wrote all these good like crime stories. The nineties, you're referring to him as a, as an author back in the day, not like today. It's changed. He's no longer an author. No, no. Still an author. Still an author. Still an author, wrote a bunch of crime novels. They made them into a bunch of movies. Morgan Freeman played Alex Cross in them. Along came a spider, had Ashley Judd, her big breakout role. So anyway, James Patterson researches this book along with some other lady who I didn't know, but it is like meticulously researched and gives a very detailed account of everything that happened. Minute by minute account of everything that these kids did and everything that the, the kid who ultimately pled guilty to that murder did. And as I'm pulling away from campus, I'm, I'm popping that the little audio book in and listening to this horrific, horrific set of events. And as I'm listening to it, I'm feeling kind of sympathetic to the. The kid who, who committed these crimes to, not sympathetic for him, but for his parents who just like. They wanted their son to have the same experience that these four kids did. Like these four kids were like typical college kids, like blonde sorority girls, like athletic sorority boys, and like these parents wanted that kind of experience for their son. They wanted him to live this normal life and his brain was so broken that regardless of the amount of help that they tried to get him, and they, they did all the right. Things, and he still ended up murdering four other students. And the tragedy of that is almost as bad for me as the tragedy of losing your son or daughter to that kind of person. Like it's so, it's so easy for me to empathize with the parents of, of these guys that I think, I think that we empathize with parents. On both sides of this regardless because Right. I mean, if his parents were, and this happens a lot with psychopaths. Their parents are terrible and they do nothing to help'em. Right. These parents, I don't, I feel bad for, but in these situations, and I'd imagine in a lot of a decent amount of situations, parents on both sides of this have lost their, their children. Right. I mean, it is. It's just, and there's ne neither way is good. Neither way is fun. Neither way is awesome. Like all of it is tragic. Yeah. And it means like you're living, you're living without your kid on one side and knowing the horrific death that happened. And on the other side, you are living with your kid who you know what he did and the horrific things that he did. Right. Knowing that you tried everything you possibly could to help him, but nothing worked. So, and in addition, the extra thing I think we have on the side of his parents is. It's scary being a parent and knowing that that is something that could happen to all of us because we're doing what we think we should. We're doing the good things. We're trying to help our kids, and no matter what we do, there's always a chance they're gonna end up super fucked up. Right, right. Like there, there are times when I've talked to Olivia in the, in the past where I'm like, some of the stuff you're saying is really scary. Some of the stuff that you're saying is really frightening. And I'm sad that your brain works the way that it works sometimes. And I'm not sad because I want you to be different. I'm sad because life is gonna be slightly harder for you than it is for, I told Olivia thousands of times, right? Like you're the Exactly the kid that I needed, like you are. Exactly. I wouldn't go back and change a single thing, but I'm sorry that it is gonna be harder for you than it is for everybody else. Like, as a parent, we want their existence. Like, I don't want you to have to take the SATs every month. Like I don't want you to, to have to suffer it at all. But I mean, that's, life is gonna throw this stuff at you and, um, yeah, it, it makes me, it makes me sad that you have to, that things are gonna be harder for you. And then to, to look at, you know, it made me think about, I don't know, Columbine, so. We might have a listener that might be too young, but they can look that one up. The Columbine, one of the moms did a Ted Talk years ago about like, not necessarily that she wanted sympathy from people, but she just wanted people to know and to understand that, like she lost her son too. And they came with all of these emotions and all of this feeling and all of the, you know, everyone blames the parents. And where, where were his parents? She, she just really articulated the fact that I never wanted this for him. Yeah. And I never wanted this for your kids. Like, I wanted to help and I wanted him to grow up just like everybody else. So, yeah. And that's a scary habit. Habit. We just can't, we, we can't, we try to do everything right. And sometimes it's, I'm not gonna say it's not enough, but just sometimes it doesn't work. And that's just like, sometimes, sometimes you have to cut the leg off when it's broken so bad. Right. Like to throw an analogy out there with, um, physical ailments, like, and sometimes people get really sad and really bitter about those physical ailments where sometimes people get really sad and really bitter about their mental struggles. Yeah. Like it's just tragic. Tragic. Yep. So, yeah, that was, uh, that was, that's what's been happening in my little brain over the past couple of days. Plus I went back to Juujitsu, which was really hard'cause I'd been away for about six weeks, and I thought everyone would be mad at me. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. They're like, Hey, it's been a while. Yep. Here I am. And it was fun. And I need to learn to not disrupt class with my Attention Deficit Disorder commentary. Is it Attention Deficit Disorder or is it being uncomfortable? Mm, probably a bit of both. Yeah, probably a bit of both. Me both. Well, and it's the opportunity to say things that are funny. It's really hard when they say things like Shoulder of Justice or Destiny, whichever one. I forget. I mean, yeah. And you guys are playing, right? He's like, all right, get up there and high guard. And high guard is when somebody sits on your boobs. Hmm, cool. Like they put their knees in your, in your armpits, and they sit on your, on your boobs, and then they try to choke you with your, uh, with your, I have no desire. Like I actually think I after your stories, I actually have negative desire to ever do jiujitsu. Like it's so fun. It couldn't get any less, I don't think. Every time you tell me something, I'm like, oh, wow, that's, that hole sunk even deeper. And like, they say things like, okay, well, um, get up into a tripod. I was like, Hmm. That's just, that's what, how do, what is it? He's like, mm-hmm. I want you to put the pointy part of your shoulder into the middle of my chest, and then I want you to get up on your two legs in the back. No. And put as much of your weight. On that pointy part of your shoulder. I was like, like this? And he's like, yep. And then he just takes my legs and flips me over onto my back. And I was like, oh. I was like, wait, let me do that to you. Oh, I'm good. Nah, I'm good. Super fun. Super fun. But the kid that I've wrestled rolled with last night works at the post office in Elizabeth. I love the Elizabeth Post Office. Why? I don't know. Nostalgia. Just'cause it was down the street and I could walk down the street and put the letter in the mail like, oh my God. Right. I don't know. It had a post office smell to it. Yeah, definitely. Of oh three seven, let's go. Yeah. It was a block away from our house and it was wonderful. Yep. Oh, I need stamps.'cause I'm very popular and I have so many pen pals. Yeah. Alright, that's all I got. Okay. Gastro story of the week. We'll have to wait for next week'cause we yammered away about sports and kids and athletes and mental health for, um, for far too long. And, uh, and now we both have, uh, big girl jobs to go to. Yes. Yes ma'am. That is it. I will leave you guys with this. We are still planning on going away to a meditation retreat. Super looking forward. I meditated the other day for four minutes. That's how far I got. Not four days or four hours, which is what we're gonna be doing. How I actually just threw up in my mouth. I'm sorry. How much of the time do you think we're supposed to be meditating? Where I will spend sleeping? I. I have to get a meditation cushion thingy, and I feel like I need to get it now'cause I need to start sitting on it all day. So it looks, it looks like I meditate a lot. This is the thought that goes through my head, which is terrible because it's not, I mean, who gives a fuck? I feel like no guys, mine's broken in. Don't care. I mean, I meditate daily ish, but pretty consistently, but never longer than 15 minutes. Most days it's. Five to 10 minutes, like 15 minutes is a stretch. And I don't think, I don't think that's,'cause I can't sit, it's just that I literally, I have to get up at like four in the morning and I wanted to talk about sleep. Didn't get a chance to, but I'm, I'm not getting the sleep that I need already. Like I can't, I can't take out any more of my sleep and I literally can't find another chunk of time where I could sit and meditate right now. Like that's currently my life. So I, I don't know. Anyway. Okay. Yeah. Uh, we, we, we are in, we are in the same boat, although I guess I could just get up at five 30, but I feel like when I do that, I, I'm tired. That's the thing. I don't get, I don't go to bed early enough to get up any earlier than I do. Like I'm already only getting like. Five to six hours a night, and I am, I am a person who needs a full eight hours of sleep. Seven. Judge me, if you will, like seven to nine is probably my place, right. But I don't, this is, I don't ever get seven, like, and I'm not blaming that like it's my fault. I need to make changes to make sure I get into bed at a certain time and I need to start waking up earlier or later, whatever. But my sleeping habits, I mean, I have a pretty. Solid schedule of when I go to bed. But that bedtime is not early enough. Right. And now with soccer starting, I can't rely on that.'cause I don't get home if they have an away game. I don't get home till like 10 30. Right. Which, like, my optimal bedtime is like between eight and nine. I can't, I can't do that. My kid is 16, I can't it, uh, a hundred, a hundred percent. Um. And I can't sleep any later because I go to bed later. It's not like I could sleep later'cause I have a real fucking job that I have to do. Like, I, I can't. There's also shit that has to happen. Like, and the, the, the stuff that has to happen has to happen at specific times. It's not like I can be like, okay, from, from four o'clock to about eight 15 is. Mindless time, like the, it can't be anything that requires me to think. It can't be anything that requires a organization or thought like, because I think this is my theory for so long, that was practice time and that was me taking Olivia to, to hear to there. Like I can mindlessly go through emails during that time, but I can't. Do work. Work. And that is when a lot of stuff should get done. I can go to class, I can go to TaeKwonDo or uh, jiujitsu. No, no worries.'cause I don't have to think there. I just have to do the next thing. And, and that's super frustrating for me.'cause that means the only option is just to get up earlier. To get up earlier. Now, do you think you could change that though, considering that you think that that's because of the habit that you had before? I'm always convinced that your mind is pl, like neuroplasticity is a real thing, right? Like, so I'm sure I could change it. The, the trick is there's, there's other stuff that happens during that time, like cleaning, straightening up the house, emptying, like there's mindless things that can happen during that time that happened during that time. Like, yeah. So it's not time wasted. It's not time. Like you're not doing anything. I'm not just, but sometimes I am like sometimes depending on what went on during the day and how much thought all of that required and more so how much interaction with other people that required the, the, that time is the time where life. Fill up my batteries again. Do you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Like, that's the time where I sit down by myself and don't talk to anybody and crochet or, uh, read a book where I don't have to think about the plot or, you know, really dig into the analysis of it. That like that stuff happens then, and depending on what happened during the day, you need more or less of that. Yeah, like cooking, cooking dinner, eating dinner, like that is a good sort of two hour ritual, right? Like five to seven and then, you know, start thinking about taking a shower around eight, like finish up putting all the fucking cream I have to put on my face to make it look like a normal human, human being. Um, around nine. Yeah, and it's bedtime. Normally, unless there's something very, very important or key happening at work, in which case I'll just stay up 24 hours a day. Yeah. I never do that. Yeah. My, I mean, my real job never causes me to lose sleep anyway. Yeah. It's just, yeah. I'm sure I could change it, but then you, I'm just moving stuff around. It feels like, like moving stuff around or changing things would take a pretty serious evaluation of what's important and what can get cut out. I think like, yeah. Happen. I mean, that's what, that's what it's about. Like that's what you, that's what change is. It's evaluating your priorities, your values. Right? Like should come first. Right now my kid comes first. Yeah. And going to his away soccer games comes first. Right? Like going to Jiujitsu last night meant that I didn't cook any dinner. Yeah. I never cooked dinner. I mean, anyway, David and I don't eat very much anyway, but there's usually something that gets prepared and served up. So then I'm all right, I gotta get to my real job. All right, monkey. Okay. Thank you for joining me today and thank you for chatting so openly and honestly, and I appreciate you and I love you. I love you too. All right. Bye. Love you. Bye.