Heart to Heart with Hads
Welcome to Heart to Heart with Hads, the podcast where we dive deep into living a healthy, badass lifestyle that challenges the norm. Join me, Hads, as I share stories that have shaped my journey toward becoming the best version of myself, defying expectations and embracing big goals—including my pursuit of bodybuilding. As a young person navigating a world filled with stereotypes and expectations, I'm here to inspire others to break free from the typical 20-year-old narrative and forge their own path. Throughout this podcast journey, I'll bring on guests who have played pivotal roles in my life, sharing their wisdom, experiences, and perspectives. Get ready for candid conversations, valuable insights, and a whole lot of inspiration to live authentically and fearlessly. It's time to open our hearts, challenge the status quo, and embrace the journey of self-discovery together. Welcome to Heart to Heart with Hads, where we dare to be different, pursue our passions, and live life on our own terms.
Heart to Heart with Hads
Break Free of the All or Nothing Mindset
Perfectionism is destroying your progress, and it's time we address the elephant in the room. That nagging voice demanding flawless execution isn't serving you—it's sabotaging everything you're working toward.
In this powerful exploration of the all-or-nothing mindset, we unpack five transformative strategies to break free from the mental prison that keeps you cycling between extreme discipline and complete abandonment. You'll discover why "something is better than nothing" becomes your new mantra when building sustainable habits, and how zooming out to see the bigger picture prevents minor setbacks from derailing your entire journey.
The most successful people aren't those who execute perfectly every day—they're the ones who establish bare minimum standards that keep them consistent even during life's inevitable chaos. We examine practical ways to create your own non-negotiables, from daily water intake to meditation practices that ground you regardless of external circumstances.
Perhaps most importantly, we shine a spotlight on the power of self-talk and how catching yourself in negative thought spirals creates the mental resilience needed for long-term success. That one cookie doesn't have to become the entire box. That missed workout doesn't erase your progress. By redefining what a "good day" actually looks like—focusing on adaptation rather than perfection—you'll create a relationship with yourself built on compassion instead of criticism.
Whether you're struggling with fitness goals, business ventures, or personal relationships, these five strategies provide the framework to transform your approach from rigid perfectionism to sustainable progress. Ready to break the cycle and finally make lasting changes? This episode is your roadmap to freedom.
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Hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Hearts Heart with Hads. I have a good juicy, another juicy one, for you. It may be short, but it's going to be short and sweet. Maybe not short and sweet, maybe short and sour to hear, I don't know. It's up to you however you interpret it. But we're just going to dive right in. Of course, as always, I have my notes with me, so we're just going to jump right in. We're chatting about the ways to break the all or nothing mindset for good.
Speaker 1:If you're someone that struggles with all or nothing on everything, it's okay. That's literally been me before. I've literally been in those shoes, so I know what it's like and it sucks, and sometimes I will revert back into those patterns. But then I remind myself of these things, and these are things that you can do, that you can reframe within your mindset to make sure that you're not an all or nothing mindset, however, person, whatever you want to say. So we're just gonna jump right in. So, instead of being like, oh, I just have to do this, have to be perfect, first of first things, first we get, we need to ingrain in your head that perfectionism is just destroying your ego. I mean like. Let me explain what I mean by this. If you're so worried about being perfect, you have an ego issue. Yes, you have an ego issue. You just think that your shit don't stank and that if it does stank, then something's wrong with you. And yeah, something is wrong with you. Your ego is just inflated. So fix it, all right. But let's actually get into what I'm talking about here. So number one is change your mindset to something is better than nothing. And for the longest time I thought I needed to be like on point 10 out of 10, being perfect, being on on point yada, yada, yada. And the thing is, is that's just ass hat backwards to like, wanting to have be a regulated person that is calm, cool and collected and not stressed all the time 24-7. So, like, what does that look like? A 10-minute walk is better than no walk. One healthy meal is better than no healthy meals. 10 pages of a book is better than no pages of a book, and it's all about your perspective. Showing up imperfectly is better than not showing up at all. So if you can rewire, reframe your mindset to be focused on doing something, even if it's not totally what you wanted it to be, you wanted it to be so perfect. That's better than nothing and it shows that you're consistent. Yes, and you want to be consistent. We love consistent queens.
Speaker 1:So I was writing. What did I even write down? I can't even read my notes. Silly, silly Hadley, silly me. I got stuck at work. Oh, this is an example that I wrote on. So, like you got stuck at work and you only had 15 minutes, so reworking your schedule, that's what that is Just adapting, being adaptable you went on a walk instead and changed your training day for another day.
Speaker 1:This has happened to me before where I got so caught up inside of my work and I was like, well, I wanted to go, but then I just got so consumed. So I'm not just going to throw the throw the whole towel in and be like, oh, f my macros, f the gym, I'm never going to see the progress I want to see. No, I'm just going to go on a walk and I'm still going to get my steps. And I'm going to change my training day to tomorrow and change my nutrition around, because my rest day nutrition is a little bit lower than my training day. That's all you have to do, like just adapt, you overthink things and then you spiral and that's what makes you feel like a freaking garbage can. But it's all about. It's all about your perspective. Like I said, showing up imperfectly is better than just trying to be perfect or not do anything at all. Number two on how we're going to break the all or nothing mindset for good is zoom the hell out.
Speaker 1:You are so focused on the here and the now that you don't see the bigger picture. You self-sabotage, you're like, oh my gosh, like my weight was up, I feel like crap and yada, yada, yada. And you're so focused on right now, the here and the now, that you don't even look at your long-term goal here for one, and you haven't even been doing it for very long. So why are you expecting a big miraculous change here? You know what I'm saying. This, this goes for every aspect of life too. Obviously I'm always going to throw in their fitness analogies, but it's such a long game, like literally every aspect of life.
Speaker 1:So this last week I was kind of feeling crud with my training and not necessarily my training, just kind of feeling like I'm not recovered well, and so I knew that I needed to take some time to chill out and not go to the gym because recovery is more important than anything else when you're trying to grow and build muscle. You can't grow and build muscle if your recovery is completely crap. And so I'm sitting there like golly, this sucks, like I need to be in the gym, I need to be building muscle, I need to be training, I need to be tearing the muscle so that I can grow. And I was like you're not even recovering to repair the muscle that you damaged from three days ago. So why do you think going to the gym would be better? So you have to zoom out, zoom out and look at where you're trying to go, Like for me, obviously, it is in my desire to compete again, and I don't know when that'll be. But I know that I have to work on this stuff now so that when the time does come, I'll be in a good spot mentally and physically for seeing that progression that I want to see inside of the gym, for building that muscle, for having the physique that I know I need to be bringing to the stage Now.
Speaker 1:This goes for anybody too. Like on their own health and fitness journey, say you've been eating like crap for years. Do not expect a miraculous change in a short amount of time. It's going to take time and you need to look and zoom out and also look at the progress that you made thus far and be proud, appreciate the changes that you've made in your life. So I have so many of my clients that just get so down on themselves because they think that they're not where they're supposed to be. And I'm like look at you last year, look at you six months from now. What has changed? What has grown within you? What has grown inside of you that has made you to where you are right now, even if it's not exactly where you want to be?
Speaker 1:Like stop, sit, stop, reflect and think and I think that's another thing too is like we are so just like go, go, go, go, go go. We never actually sit down with ourselves and be like holy shit, I have accomplished so much. I'm proud of myself. I don't think very many people tell themselves that they are proud of what they have accomplished, of the habits they've changed, of the things they've overcome. These are things that you should not take lightly. Whenever you start showing gratitude and appreciation for yourself and the accomplishments you've made, that's going to make the journey so much more sweeter, and I'm taking my own advice here, but I've gotten better along the way.
Speaker 1:Let's see what else I wrote in my notes on that, because I didn't even look at my notes at one time. So I mean, this can be for anything life itself, relationships, your job, career, school, business, health, fitness, journey, whatever. You're gonna wake up one day and be like, yep, this is it, this is the physique I want, this is the physique I feel. Good, I'm done. Like you don't just, you're not just done, you don't just quit because you hit that point. No, and another thing, too is like this is analogy, I've heard is you don't slash all the tires just because one went flat. That's just it's. It's doesn't make sense. What else did I write? I put oh, the trend. Like you need to be looking at your trends. So, like I said, it doesn't just take a day, a week, a month or even a year. The short term slip-ups don't well, I can't even read what I write, hadley, you're so silly. Oh, short-term slip-ups don't ruin your long-term success. That's true, that's true, that's true, that's true. Anyways, we'll just move on to the next one, because I would rather just not even look at my notes, because I'm just like. What are? What are you writing? I can't even read my own handwriting anyways.
Speaker 1:Number three on ways to break the. So make some bare minimum standards for busy days. Ask yourself what would your bare minimum look like in a day? I want you to actually sit with yourself and think okay, what would my bare minimum day look like to me? What would I accomplish? Create some sort of a plan, a base for whenever things are crazy.
Speaker 1:Example no matter what I'll do X, y, z, I'll gym for 30 minutes or walk for 30 minutes, no matter what. Like this is something I'm going to get in my schedule. It's a non-negotiable for me. I have to do it. No ifs and or buts. Even on a busy day, I'm doing it, and for me, this is getting my water. This is something I will get in, no matter what. It's a non-negotiable for me. Another non-negotiable for me, as far as I'll just talk about a couple different aspects. So, within my fitness, non-negotiables for me is I'm going to eat three meals a day, no ifs, ands or buts. That's just how I'm going to feel myself. The other one is I'm going to get outside in the sunshine. That's no matter what. If I'm busy, I don't care, I'm going outside, I need to get outside. I know it's going to help me feel so much better Water I already said that A gallon, that's literally a non-negotiable for me.
Speaker 1:And some business things that are daily non-negotiables for me reading 10 pages of my book, sending five DMs obviously client fulfillment that's at the top priority, I don't even need to put that in a non-negotiable. So reading 10 pages, sending my five DMs a day and doing things that are going to help propel myself forward for my career, my business and just to keep it up and running and going and keeping things running smoothly. So those are just a couple things. And like, relationship-wise, obviously I make time to be present in the day and I cook meals so that my boyfriend can be fueled, and those are just daily, non-negotiable things that I do that are like bare minimum standards for myself, and everyone's standards are going to be completely different, but those are mine. So it's not always about going all out every single day. That's what leads to burnout, but it's it's about just not disappearing, not giving up whenever things get hard.
Speaker 1:So make yourself your 10, not 10. Make yourself your bare minimum days, like what? Like, map out what do you want your bare minimum day to look like. Things get busy, things are crazy, things are hectic. Oh, another one I forgot to mention is meditation. I have been 33 days straight on my meditation and wait 34 actually, and I'm just so proud of myself. I'm gonna hit 100 days and I'm gonna be freaking howling at the moon anyways, um, but at least you know if, like for me, I'm going to hit a hundred days and I'm going to be freaking howling at the moon anyways. But at least you know if, like for me, if I'm getting those daily non-negotiables in that if everything falls, I know how to stick with these because they're simple and they become second nature to me.
Speaker 1:All right, let's get into number four. Number four on five ways to break the all or nothing mindset For good. Watch yourself talk. Oh my gosh. One of my clients today. I was like, do you hear the way that you talk to yourself about yourself? Like, no wonder, no wonder you're feeling the way you do, because the way you talk to yourself I was like we're making it mandatory that you were doing daily affirmations and you're going to believe it. You don't just do the meditation or do the affirmations and be like we're making it mandatory that you were doing daily affirmations and you're going to believe it. You don't just do the meditation or do the affirmations and be like, oh, yep, done, checked off the box. No, you have to feel it. You have to become a changed person after doing it and that's hard work but you have to do it.
Speaker 1:So one little like a couple little quotes I wrote down was I failed Might as well, give up. Okay, why can I not read my freaking handwriting? Okay, I wrote I failed Might as well. It looks like guilt. Oh, quit, quit. I failed Might as well, quit. And then, like the reframe from that was that was just one moment. I can keep going. So stop identifying as someone who always fails. This is huge.
Speaker 1:Do you think that the way you talk to yourself and the way you speak about yourself is who you are Like? That's just part of it. Your thoughts are going to shape your reality 100% and until you can grasp that and change the way you think about yourself and the world around you, you're always going to be stuck and you're never going to achieve the goals and the dreams and the desires that you have. That's just literally part of it. So this is just a little example here. So you ate a cookie and you quote unquote ruined the day. Might as well eat the whole box. Okay, one cookie isn't a failure. You enjoyed it. Now let me have a good, healthy dinner. Or the next morning, let me have a good, healthy breakfast this morning. Like that's all there is to it.
Speaker 1:Everything everybody wants to sit and talk and like no, move past it and quit. Quit like guilting and shaming yourself into every single about every single thing. It's some. Things are just not that deep. We don't need to spiral and go down this path of just feeling like a garbage. Can. So talk to yourself better. Watch yourself, talk whenever you slip up.
Speaker 1:And last but not least, number five, redefine what good day looks like to you. Like what does a quote unquote good day look like to you? And I'm not talking perfect macros, perfect sleep, perfect workout, but just staying engaged, staying in the here and the now when life gets messy. Good days equals adapting, not perfection. Good days means you adapted, you rolled with the punches, but that doesn't mean perfection. You were not perfect. I hate being like, oh, it's perfect on this, this, this, this, no, you, just you did the thing, you did the dang thing and if something comes up, you're able to adapt and evolve and keep going Like I wrote down. A client will say good day, perfect macros, perfect sleep. But what does actually a good day look like? A good day looks like going on a walk after dinner instead of binging Netflix or breaking habits and making new ones. That's literally what it's all about. So that's all I've got for you guys today.
Speaker 1:I hope you guys enjoyed this short little episode on ways to break the all or nothing mindset for good. These were all really goodies and let's just do a little recap. Change your mindset to something is better than nothing. Zoom out, play the long game, make bare minimum standards for busy days and watch yourself, talk to yourself when you slip up and then also redefine what a good day actually looks like to you. Redefine it. It doesn't need to be picture perfect. It doesn't need to look like anybody else's. All right, I'll see you guys in the next.