Heart to Heart with Hads

Stop Playing Small

• Hadlea Shaw

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SPEAKER_00:

Hi guys, welcome back to the podcast. It's your girlheads. So I realized that I took a little break, and that was because last week we were in California and I got engaged. That's the big news. And I'm so excited. Literally so excited. But I wanted to make this episode on how to stop self-sabotaging because I have been talking to way too many women recently who are staying stuck and they know that they have higher potential, but they're staying stuck in situations and relationships that are literally killing their mental health. I've talked to two women specifically, past clients, actually, this week that they were like, everything's doing good. I'm on my shit, things are going well. And I'm also in this relationship that is holding me back, that is making me feel like shit about myself. And so this is just your reminder that you can be doing everything. You can be going to the gym, you can be on your show, you can be losing the weight, but if you're not dealing with the things that are sucking the life out of you, none of those things matter. It doesn't matter that you're, yes, you're disciplined and you're going to the gym and you look good and you feel better if you still have this gnawing thing in the back of your head that's like this person is belittling me, they're bringing me down, they are making me feel like, crap, this is one of the most self-sabotaging things you can do is staying in a situation that you know is not right for you. And I think that women stay in these situations because they don't want to feel the hurt of the outcome of the situation, right? Or in the midst of it. So whenever you're actually in the middle of, okay, I have to end this thing and it's gonna hurt so bad and it's gonna feel so bad, they don't want to feel that. But what I'm thinking is what's worse, what's gonna feel worse? Staying in that or having just staying in it long term in a relationship, a situation that you don't want to be in that makes that sucks the life out of you, or have a temporary time where you feel like crap, but then on the other side of the rainbow, you feel so much better. This is one of the biggest self-sabotaging behaviors that I see a lot of women face. And you can say, Yes, we're trying to work things out, but I think one thing too you can do is literally don't be afraid to communicate on how you're feeling. I know this can be so hard. I struggle with communicating my feelings and my thoughts, but really nobody can read your mind. Your partner cannot read your mind, your friend cannot read your mind, your mom cannot read your mind, you have to be willing to speak up about these things, and it's not even as you're coming off in a negative way, you're just simply stating your feelings. And if that person has a problem with you simply stating your feelings, then it's about it's more on them and less about you if because you're simply stating feelings and you're not having a negative tone or connotation towards it, then it's on that other person of them taking it personally. And I'm going off on a tangent at this point, but I see so many women who are just not maximizing their potential because they feel like that they are stuck in a situation. And let me just remind you that you are not stuck in any place, you have the ability to change at any time, and it's probably the hardest, the scariest thing you're gonna have to do. But if you want to elevate your life, if you want to stop being in this continuous mindset of I feel like shit, I'm depressed, everything sucks, nothing's going my way, then you have to be the one to make a change. You have to step out of what you are used to being, and you have to step outside of that box and realize I'm capable of so much more. I am worth so much more. And I even had another conversation with one of my clients today, and she was talking to me. Let me just preface that I have a really good personal relationship with all of my clients. It's not just here's your macros, here's your program, because I know that if I know what's going on in their life, I can pinpoint that that is probably the thing that's holding them back from their body changing, from fat loss happening, because I know how much mental stress affects the body's physical appearance. Because guess what? I have dealt with it. And just another quick little backstory. My mental stress was the thing that caused me to not have a menstrual cycle. The chronic stress, stress can come from anywhere. I actually made a graphic on my whiteboard, not for this, but it's fitting for this. But stress can come from anything, it can come from poor relationships, it can come from work that you hate, it can come from constantly thinking and stressing about finances, from kids, from running around doing this, that, and the other. Maybe it's you own a business, your career, or the last one will be working out too hard, which most women usually don't struggle with that. But a culmination of all these things, your stress bucket starts to overflow. And the only way for it to not overflow is by really working on one of those things that's one of those little ticks on the side of the bucket that's filling it up. So, say that's work, you gotta minimize the work one, change your work scene, do something that you love. If it's relationships, you gotta change the relationship around. There's things that you have to do to make yourself feel better. You cannot be stressed, you cannot be on autopilot 24-7, and that stress does affect you so much. So, back to the client that I was talking to today, she was talking about like her relationships and therapy experience, and all I could think was like, this girl does not realize how much potential she actually has. She's thinking too small, and I think a lot of you are thinking way too small about your future and what you're capable of because I know so many fucking women. It actually like it it makes me it like sets my soul on fire to know that there are so many women out there that are completely minimizing their potential because they're staying small, they're staying stuck in environments that are not serving them, environments that suck a life out of them. Going back to one of my clients, she like was like, I stopped going and drinking with my significant other and friends. Like, I stopped doing all these things because I realized it wasn't aligned with me and what I wanting and who I wanting and all of these things. And I was like, Yes, that's what you're supposed to realize about your life. And I think fitness will do that to you when you start to realize you're taking care of your body and your own mind that you don't want you no longer want to do these things because they don't make you feel good. They don't you're you awaken almost to what you know your body and your mind needs, and that's not drinking every weekend and feeling sluggish and just going about your week or living for the weekends. It's amazing to see these things transpire and transform. And a part of me is like, holy shit, like I want to be a life coach. I feel like half the time I am a life coach because you know, your fitness and your health does stem from your whole life in general, because if you can't control what's going on up here and then noggin, then the rest of the body can't respond, can't comprehend. That made me think I want to read the body keeps the score that's on my to be red. So I need to do that. I'm just just trying not to read as much self-help growth books and just start to implement the things. But one thing that I'm currently working through right now is changing my tone because I it's come to my attention that I come off as aggressive in my videos, and that's in like my content and the way I speak, and that's not at all what I want to be known for, is being aggressive. But like even Brock told me that just like talking to him, I'm aggressive, and it makes me think, but then I'm I it's not even like okay, fix it, but I'm asking myself, why am I being aggressive? And honestly, I don't know, and I'm that's another thing I'm working on is saying is not saying I don't know more, and just being I don't have the answer for that, but I'm gonna find it, and I think that's a big shift for me as well. I just love growing, don't you guys just love growing? Because I I have grown so much, and it's so cool to see myself grow, and it's so cool when I have clients that have been with me for a year, years on end to see their growth and to see them start to maximize their potential. Because what I see so much, I see women stuck in jobs they hate, and they're scared that if they leave, they're not gonna have stability, they're not gonna have all these things, which is true, right? You need to have stability because you don't need to be stressing. Like, am I gonna be financially okay if I switch this job? Whatever. Like, get your ducks in a row to make sure you can do what you want. And that's why I was so thankful that whenever I was living with, or whenever I was had my corporate job and then I quit just to start coaching on my own, I was living with my mom and I didn't have any utilities. The only thing I was paying for was my groceries, and the rest of the time I just spent working my tail off to grow this business that I have, and it that I love what I do so so much, and it's honestly so crazy to look back and see how far I've come, but also do the same for yourself, and I think we get into this comparison trap if we see what other people are doing online and we think we need to be where they are, but I'm on day 365 and they're on day 2000, and you need to think about that too. And I I know that I have people that like I look up to other people, but I also know that I have people look up to me, and I so badly want to tell them I don't know what's gone on behind closed doors behind the scene for me to get to where I am. And the same thing applies to all the other people that you see and that you follow and that you aspire to be. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors, what they had to go through, what they had to suffer through, what they had to completely strip away, what they had to, the people they had to remove, the things they had to stop doing, the mindsets they had to rewire. We don't know any of that. So when you're getting jealous and when you're getting frustrated that you see somebody that's doing quote unquote better than you or where you want to be, you have to know that they once were where you were. And I think this is the biggest thing I have to remind myself all of the time. We don't know their situation, and we also don't know the trials and the tribulations they went through, but we do know that they went through them and that we are also going to have to face them. That's another thing that I've been thinking about a lot is women think that it's going to be like they're expecting it to be easy, and then when something comes up, they shut down. And the reality is it is going to be hard. You cannot let one little knock on your ass keep you down. We are strong and we are capable of doing these hard things that we set out to do. That's all I have for my rant today, I believe. I've just been looking out the window as I'm doing this and just spit firing. But if there's one thing that you took away from this, is like stop self-sabotaging yourself by staying in places that are keeping you small, by saying and doing and having these habits that are making you feel like shit. You deserve to have more in your life, you deserve to put yourself out there, you deserve to have friends that push you to make you grow better. You deserve to have mentors and coaches that are going to push you. You deserve to be around people that are better than you and that are going to bring you up with them and not bring you down. Okay, love you guys, and hopefully that my tone, hopefully, my tone is becoming more uplifting instead of being aggressive. So this is why I'm gonna continue to do my podcasting so that my tone can be more, yes, you got this instead of like, and you're doing this and you're doing that, and you need to fix your ways. So I think it helps just bringing my energy to a space that's calm and not coming from a place of dysregulation. Anyways, I'm just rambling at this point. Hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Share it with a friend who needs to hear everything that I just said. You got this. Remember that you're a badass bitch and stop playing small.