Season of Burnout & Anxiety Lead to Breakthroughs and Transformation

Seasons of burnout often lead to redirection and coming back to your why. This episode I dive deep on current struggles and how I am navigating them.

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Transcript

Opening And Creative Block

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello guys, welcome back to the pod. It's your girl heads. Okay, I hate how I do this intro, but it's fine. Welcome back. It's your host. I am your host of Heart Heart with Hads. Anyways, okay. I realize I didn't I haven't podcasted in a while, but it's okay. I am doing this on my terms and because I'm way too incredibly hard on myself. And yeah, obviously I get very mad whenever I don't show up how I want to, and it's it's super frustrating to and you've probably heard me say this so many times on here, but it's super frustrating for me to show up one week and then not show up the next just because I don't feel like it, and that's not how life works, and yeah, this is optional, this is fun for me, and at the same time, like I'm trying not to force it, so I'm trying to find a happy medium with me doing these and enjoying them because I feel like if I just try to sit down and do it when it's forced, then it doesn't feel natural to me, and the reality is I'm just not preparing for it, and also I just feel like I don't always have something to say, and if I don't always have something to say, what's the point of me coming on here? And the list goes on and on, so yeah, I'll stop. I'll stop now. Anyways, today I have like a multitude of things to talk about. First thing being I've just felt incredibly anxious the past I would say month, month and a half, but if I'm being honest, the past year, and I can kind of break down what I've been going through. So last March I my grandma passed away, and in that time, Brock and I were also in the process of buying a house, moving in together, and we ended up getting our house in May, and May, June, July, and August were very hard. It was for some reason I could not adapt to, or I was trying really hard to adapt to a new lifestyle of taking care of a home, cooking for somebody, taking care of dogs, maintaining a house, and not to say that I didn't do these things before, but I don't know why it just felt so much harder to take care of all of these people. And I feel like it's my duty to take care of him and take care of our dogs, and when not everybody's taken care of, and also taking care of myself, it was just hard for me to prioritize myself like I had once done, and I was sleeping so bad, I was just not feeling well, and I think it started to get better as the months went on, and I gave myself a little bit of a I don't know what you would say, a little bit of a of a break, and sorry, I'm hearing my vacuum, like the robot vacuum, like it's like eating something up, is what it sounds like, and Hosmer's barking, anyways. Back to what I was saying. I kind of found like a happy medium where I was feeling pretty good, and then September steel, like he had his little accident, so that's that's that in itself puts a damper on everything because I have to take care of him, I have to clean up his spaces like he's wearing a diaper. Anyways, I'm not gonna sit here and complain or play victim about these things that have gone on, but I just feel like this was my first year of real adulting, and it kind of hit me super hard. And then yesterday I realized I have to pay$7,000 in taxes, and I just wasn't prepared for that because uh well, obviously, when you make more money, you have to pay more in taxes, and cool, it's great, like, yeah, I'm making more money, but I like doubled my income from last year, which is amazing. But at the same time, it's like wow, I didn't realize how much I would have to pay in taxes, and so that literally threw me over the edge yesterday. I had a full-blown crash out, like I was like, my whole life is literally falling apart, nobody loves me, I have no support. Like, I was just going in a downward spiral, and I had to kind of recalibrate. And I'm honestly so glad for a new day today. I was like, thank you, God, for waking me up today because yesterday felt like just so it felt like hell, and I couldn't get out of it. I probably cried five or six times, and it was all over taxes and me having to pay so much in taxes while also trying to plan a wedding and just so many things going on in my head mentally that I was like just felt really awful. So, this is just for anybody out there that's dealing with any anxious feelings that you're not alone, and but I'm gonna give some things that I've helped that I've done to help with my anxiety because at the end of the day, I can't control that I have to pay taxes. I I can't control my wedding, and I will control the things that I want with that of like not going over a certain amount of people or going over a budget, and those are things that are in my control, but like the taxes thing, not in my control. How I show up every day, how I continue to serve my clients and my people, and how I continue to show up online and market my business, like all of these things are entirely in my control, and I cannot sit here and and you know play victim and say it's anybody else's fault. Because at the end of the day, the all of the things that are going on in your life are simply a result of your actions and nobody else's, and so when you try to play victim, like poor me, why is this happening to me? It's because of the choices you made. 99% of the time, it's because of you and the things that you've done, and this is something that I just really need to sit with. And honestly, I I hate and I love Brock for this because he gives me such a reality check today. He was like, Stop playing the victim. He was like, You signed up for this, this is what you want to do. Like, obviously, yesterday he was very comforting, and today I was still being a little bit of a grouch, and he was like, Literally, stop, you're playing the victim, and you need somebody in your life that's gonna call you out on your bullshit like that. And I'm so glad that he does, you know. Sometimes it can be like, Okay, you're being rude, but most of the time it's like for good. He's doing these, he's calling these things out for good, and I believe that everybody needs somebody like that in their lives, and we definitely compliment each other when it comes to like me calling him out or him calling me out, and yeah. Anyways, uh back to other things, and then I just found out like obviously I went through my whole gut protocol from April to now, and my GI map came back worse, but my symptoms are better, and so I'm literally just gonna take a break from all the supplements. I'm gonna do it. I continue to do, I'm gonna limit my sugar intake, which I don't eat much sugar, it mostly comes from fruit, but just limiting my fruit intake to one cup of fruit a day, which will be solid for me, and then just like decreasing my sugar overall and getting my carbs from whole food sources, which I usually do, it's just like that occasional treat, which is fine, but like I it messes with my digestion and all the things, but anyway, the started phallus phase, so I think like February 11th, I was 149 today. I was 146, so I'm down three pounds already in about three weeks. So hopefully by next week I'll be down another pound just from staying consistent with my cardio and my training. But I'm excited for that, and obviously, like I know from now till June is about 12 weeks, and a lot of people try to like rush really hard to lose weight, and you can do that, that's fine. You just need to do it correctly because if you you know slash all your calories, great, you lose the weight, and then it's like you don't know what to do after that. And I can make a whole episode on that, but after you lose the weight and you go back to how you were eating before, then it's like wow, that just kind of defeated the purpose of me losing the weight, so you need to learn how to almost prime your body for fat loss, and then what to do after you have been in a calorie deficit for a long time, so I'll make another podcast on that. I'll I'll do that when it comes closer to like summertime, like how to maintain fat loss essentially. I'll write it down so that I don't forget writing it down now. Podcast. Okay, how to maintain fat loss podcast. Okay, anyways. So as I've been dealing with all these struggles and then just little things mentally that I'm like trying to work through. The first thing that I had to remember is why do I do the things that I do? Like, I think it's always coming back to your why because you can get so lost in the sauce of doing the same things every day and then not seeing the outcome that you want and realizing why did I start this process to begin with? I may not be where I want to be, but I likely have seen growth if I've been showing up in ways that I know are gonna get me to my goals. And when you start to focus so much on the outcome and less on the process and less on the why, you start to become very anxious. You start to feel like shit, it's it's bad. Like, and I think I got to that spot, and I had to take a step back and be like, I'm not having fun anymore. I need to get back into a state of having fun, and so that's what I'm working to do. And like this podcast is fun to me. It's fun for me to get on here and ramble and yap and and just be my authentic self. And when I don't do that consistently, when I don't do the things that I actually like, and I'm just like going through my days, going through the motions, just checking off a list and not actually having fun with it, it feels really bad. So I had to do a little mental audit yesterday and be like, what is it that I want? And this this can be for your routine as well. Like, oh my gosh, I get up, I get my kid ready for school, then I go to work, and then I go to the gym, or maybe you don't go to the gym, then I go home and I cook dinner, and it's like this process of doing the same thing every single day, which don't get me wrong, like you have to do the mundane things, but whenever you're not having any fun, whenever you're not sprucing up, whenever you're not doing anything for you and taking care of you in your mind, it becomes really, really, really shitty. So I encourage you to find a way or find something that you can look forward to every day. Maybe it's your meals that you prepped that week, maybe it's a book that you're reading, but you have to do that. And the looking forward to can't be you just looking forward to scrolling on your phone at the end of the day. I mean, if you love that, pop off. But I think that there needs to be something that's supplementing your mind better because there are a lot of things going on in the world as well that can affect your mental health, and it does affect me. Like I take everything very to the heart. I would say I'm a like tender-hearted person, and I may not show it and I may not express that, but I do feel things deeply. And whenever there are things that I see that are just scary and like worrisome, I I stress about that. I get anxious about those things, and so I have to remove myself. Like I have barely been on social media the last two days because I just need that for my own mental sanity. And I work from my phone, I do lots of things, and so it's hard for me to find this like this balance between the two. And I don't know if I ever will, but I think I go through phases where I'm very like, okay, I'm on my phone for five hours out of the day, and then other times where like this the last two days, I've barely been on my phone, I've barely been on social media only to post my things and then get off. And it just feels so much better that way. But I know that I can't always do that because I have conversations with people and DMs with people that you know need my help, and which is great, and I love doing that, but it's like it's so exhausting to like constantly be going back and forth. So just having clear-cut boundaries, leaving my laptop in my office, and when I get out of here, no work. And it it is helping me, but anyway, so I think that this crash out that I had was like leading me to okay, coming back down to why am I doing the things that I'm doing, like I just mentioned, but I think that crash outs lead to your next big step or your next big breakthrough. And for me, I had to crash out for the past, I don't know, month to realize what am I doing? Why am I doing the things that I'm doing? Because, like I mentioned, I often get so caught up in the goal that I forget why am I doing this in the first place? What was the goal of me even doing this? And it's just hard because hardships will come up, but it's like you still have to resort back to why am I doing it? And then what is this trying to teach me? I'm always like, okay, what is this teaching me in this moment? X happened, and now what am I going to do about it to make sure that I feel better or it doesn't happen again, or just the big lesson. I always take everything as a lesson, a learning lesson, and I try to apply it, even though I feel very shitty in the moment after the fact, I'm like, okay, you deserve to feel like I mean, like you, it's okay to feel like that. I think that when I feel those feelings of me crashing out and crying four times in a day, I think that that's not right, that it's not normal, that something's wrong with me. And the truth is, is nothing's wrong with me. It's part of the human experience. And I think that I don't like to show my weaknesses and because it's vulnerable and I don't want people to know that I'm struggling, even though I do struggle, and it's okay to struggle. And I think that I try to downplay or be like, no, you're not allowed to. You're not allowed to have a day where you only get 2,000 steps and where you only eat two meals and you work and then you cry four hours. Like, I tell myself that I'm not like yesterday is the first time I'd ever done that. And so I know that I was hitting like rock bottom burnout, and it it felt so bad. But today, looking back, it felt really good to do that, to allow myself to just be a fucking human and not a robot and not wake up, meditate, do my Bible, eat dinner, or eat breakfast, make food for the dogs, get on, do my hour of walking, sit down on my desk for two hours straight, get up and do this. Ugh, like being robotic is actually so fucking, excuse my language, but brush grading, it puts me in the slope of I'm I have no creativity. Like I just feel so terrible because it's it's so robotic, anyways. But another thing that I had to remind myself is that there is levels to this shit. I mean, if I was just looking back at myself from last year to this year, the amount of progress that I've made within my work life and my relationships and all the things, but it's so hard to do that because I am somebody that is always wanting and striving for more. And it's a very, I wouldn't say it's a toxic trait. I think it's just like something that I can that I can notice is that I'm a person that what I have is never good enough. And I I'm not gonna say I hate being that way because while it is frustrating that nothing I have will ever be good enough, I know that that's what helps me propel forward and continue to make progress and continue to lead myself towards the success that I want. But it is a very hard and frustrating thing to have to feel, and it's a it's a heavy thing, I guess I should say, to feel constantly of like nothing I do is ever enough, and then I always want more than what I currently have. So something that I'm just currently having to work through on my own. But I would also say that if you feel like you're in a season where you're incredibly anxious, take a break from social media. You don't have to be on there, you don't have to be scrolling and seeing what other people are doing, and I think that's what also makes things difficult is I follow a bunch of other coaches and people that do the same thing that I do, and I see what they post, and I'm like, wow, they're doing such a great job. And then it's like, well, you can't emulate them because you can't copy them. And so it's like, well, I have to come up with my own ideas myself, and so taking a break from that's gonna help me a lot and bring me back into my own shell. But for other people listening that are not in that same boat, I think it just helps you with you don't see the world, things that are going on, you don't have to compare yourself to other people, like you're just simply living without the need of approval for others, or without having to give input what other people are doing, or just constantly seeing things that you're like we as humans shouldn't be seeing what somebody else is doing every single day. And I think that makes a lot of people feel really shitty about their own current situation and circumstances that they make themselves more anxious, at least I do, anyways. And then another thing that I wanted to touch on is sitting with your emotions before making irrational decisions. There have been some decisions that I've made in the past year that I've made strictly out of fear. And I don't regret them because they've obviously taught me the lessons and things that I've had to go through. But I will say is they were all made out of fear. All of those decisions were rooted in fear. And I'm not saying that you can't make decisions when you're in a fearful mode, but I'm saying I think you should make your decisions when you're in a more logical zone of like, is this really something that's worth it to me, or can I explore other options? Because this is a good point. The first option you will hear is not always going to be the best option. I think you need to get information from other people, and I think you need to hear what they have to say. You need to align with somebody else, and you need to be able to trust somebody else and not just go with that first instinct. And I know a lot of people talk about your gut instinct and what you should do, but yes, listen to your gut instinct, and also I encourage you to implore other options and try different things before deciding on the first thing that you think should come up. So making decisions, obviously, you sit with that, and then sitting with your emotions. So, like yesterday I was very emotionally charged, and I could have made so many decisions. Like I got my GI map results back, like I said, and immediately I was like, Oh, I need to do this supplement, I need to take this, I need to do this, and I was like, breathe. How about you just take a break from all of it? How about you, like I mentioned, doing the things I'm gonna change with my diet, and then just not stressing about it. And Brock made a really good point to me today of like realizing that life is never going to be perfect, and I think that when you ride a high, like a wave of high for so long, and then something hits you, it's like fuck, my life is over, everything sucks. And so it's almost like not anticipating that something quote unquote bad is going to happen, but just anticipating like this is just a season of my life where it's it's pretty solid right now. I know that in the future I'm gonna be dealing with some hardship, and not to worry yourself or make yourself anxious over that something bad is going to happen, but it's not bad, it's just something that is unfavorable, essentially, and it sucks, and it's something that you have to deal with and work through. But knowing that those situations every single time is what's gonna help you grow. And I'm as I'm saying this, I'm literally taking my own advice because I need to hear my own words today, because these things I have not been listening to my logical self, which is very good with taking away the emotions and just coming back into why are these things happening and what am I gonna do to work through them? And back to my anxiety thing, another thing is leaning or moving more towards present instead of worrying about the future. And so many times I worry about okay, well, what's gonna happen now? Things have been good, so what's gonna happen next? That's gonna send me into a space. Spiral. And like I just mentioned, knowing that something is going to happen, but just being present in the current moment of like, this is the current reality. I cannot change it. All I can do is continue to do what I know I need, do what I know I need to do in order to get into the next season, the next phase of life that's a little more, ah, breath of fresh air, right? And the last thing that I want to mention is just getting out of that victim mindset. And that I already kind of mentioned what Brock was saying, but what was I saying before? Like what he said to me. Oh, the stress thing, right? For one. But also two, another little thing that I wanted to mention is think of your life as like steps, right? There's gonna be times where you're growing and things are great and they're going so well, and then you're gonna be stagnant, and then you you you get on the top of that step and you're just flatlining. Then you go back up the next step, and then you're just flatlining. And it's just an onward, you go up and then you cruise, you go up and then you cruise, up, and then all those times where you go up are usually those hard, big lessons that you have to learn about yourself, but those are the growth spurts of like the going up. Oh, I'm growing, I'm doing good, I'm doing good, and then the stagnant. And so just thinking about your life on that kind of level. But I think that's all I have to talk about today. I really wanted to get a lot of these things off my chest and just know, like, if you're going through a season of of hardship, that it's just a test, right? Everything that you go through is a test of how am I gonna get through this and what's it teaching me and how will how I grow from this. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I know I really enjoyed it, just getting my feelings out there. And if you enjoyed it, send it to somebody that you feel like needs to hear it. So love you guys. See you in the next episode.