Meet 1 of 100 people on the planet with Foreign Accent Syndrome | Taryn Cleaves

The Joycast – 
After a stroke at the age of 30, Taryn Cleaves lost the ability to speak. When she regained her voice, she no longer sounded like herself. She became one of 100 people in the world with Foreign Accent Syndrome. In the process, she lost part of her identity. Taryn is a powerful joy warrior who story you can’t afford to miss. 

For show more show notes and recipes visit:
www.margaretfeinberg.com/joycast

Transcript

spk_0:   0:00
I'm Margaret Feinberg, and this is the joy cast. Hello, friends. It has been such a nen. Enormous week. Just yesterday, I announced the Joy Conference, which will be held in Salt Lake City, Utah, on May 1st and second of this year on social Media. I just a little simple video, and you can go to Instagram or Facebook tow. Watch it. And do you know what? We already have people from almost a dozen states flying in God is on the move. I just got an email just this morning from a woman in Alabama and she said, I heard about the Joy Conference and bubbled up with the desire to come that I dreamed last night that you and Leif and her she were in South Alabama at our house for a two week vacation. We were all excited and talking, and you tor a ticket out of a book with my entry ticket. I woke up and have not for gotten a dream because it was so vivid. I am waiting for the go from my husband. I mean friends. God is literally waking people up in the middle of the night with dreams about coming to this event. I have shared that I should been marketing and public publicizing for last six months. And all I have done is just been on my knees in prayer for you recently spent 5 to 6 hours in a single day. Just praying for this event, praying for you. And God's spirit is on the move. And so I don't want you to miss it right now. I just want you to stop. We just pray we just take a moment and ask God, Am I supposed to be at this event? Is there something that you want to shift or grow or speak to me through this gathering? Next will you just hit? Pause and go to the joy conference dot com as you scroll and as you look, will you just ask the Lord? What is he calling me to do? I'm for some of you, right where you are. You I need you to start praying for this gathering in the heart of Salt Lake City, Utah. We will live and survive on your prayers. Others of you. Man, you were supposed to stop and drop and grab your ticket for others of you. You maybe just feel that right where you are to buy a scholarship ticket for someone else to be at this event. But you just take a moment. And will you ask Scott, how am I supposed to be involved and what you were doing in Salt Lake City, Utah. Now, speaking of what God is doing just next week, I can't even believe it. We are gonna kick off Lent. It's over 40 days we're gonna be diving into the book of James. And if you have not picked up your copy of the Beautiful Life on Amazon or Margaret Feinberg store dot com, you need to go and just order it today before next week so that you have it in hand for Ash Wednesday, which is already coming up February 26. Now, over the last few episodes, I if you've noticed this kind of theme, this thing that God really did inside of me, I have been referring to the Children's Pastors Convention that I attended and just this wild impact that it had on me. Well, there was this one day, but I was at the event and life and I we just grab seats at a large open table at lunch time. There were a ton of food trucks around all of you, readers of taste and see, You know, I love me a good food truck. But little did we know that the Holy Spirit was already at work before life and I ever set down is he said that this table when there was a gas sitting there and that's where I met Tauron. And when we introduced ourselves, I immediately noticed her foreign accent. And yet here she was. She was bubbly and joyful, and she just does the most delightful wicked sense of humor. It was amazing go. But what I didn't know as we started talking is that she was never born with that accent. In fact, at the age of 30 she suffered a stroke. And so she is one of 100 people in the entire world with foreign accent syndrome. Once she shared her story. Oh, friends, I knew immediately you have to hear her story in part because she didn't just lose the voice that she was born with. Think about that for a moment. She lost the voice she was born with in the process of that. She lost a part of her identity, and she has faced some harsh physical challenges. But through it all, I believe that torrent embodies what it means to be a person who fights back with joy, who lives as a mighty joy warrior, no matter what circumstances you or she find yourselves in. And so her story, it is not just fascinating and mind boggling, but I believe it is going to fill you with hope. And so it is my privilege to introduce you to Tauron, please. Hello, Tarn. It is such a delight Toe, Have you on the joy cast?

spk_1:   5:24
Hello. Nice to be here.

spk_0:   5:27
Now we met. I feel like it was one of those divine appointments. We were sitting there and it was lunchtime with food trucks all around at the Children's Pastors convention. And my husband and I grab a chair and you have been sitting there in and I remember we we just We just started talking about life.

spk_1:   5:47
Yes, I saw the same thing. I said that it was kind of this divine lunch appointment.

spk_0:   5:54
And I remember you said I you would kill for a Dr Pepper and I remember popping downs, every food truck. And finally I asked. I said, is there a Dr Pepper and the food truck? Lady said there's one at the food truck across the way. And so I got you. Ah, Dr Pepper. And And you were. So you were so grateful.

spk_1:   6:14
Yes. You saved my life. Yeah. I have a slight addiction to Dr Pepper that I'm unashamed about. Andi? Uh, yeah, I was dying because I didn't think anyone there believed in it. On Duh. I hadn't found that Dr Pepper food truck like you did. So I was so great both.

spk_0:   6:34
But speaking of saving your life, one of the things that that caught our attention in our time with you was just You have a really unique story. Um, and that you suffered a stroke and it changed everything. How old were you when that happened? How did that come about?

spk_1:   6:53
I was 30 years old. I wins in stroke happen. Uh, just just a few months before my 31st birthday. So it was three years ago.

spk_0:   7:04
And what happened that caused that? What was that experience like for you?

spk_1:   7:08
Uh, medically speaking. We do not know what goes my stroke. So there's about, uh, 10 risk factors for stroke on DDE. When I had mine, I got to the hospital. Ah, about within an hour of my symptoms popping up on dhe. We ran through all the tests on day, uh, came back inconclusive as to why I had to stroke medically in the process when that was happening. Ah, I was actually in the shower getting ready for my day. So I, uh I am a Children's pastor, and at that time I was working in Tennessee on I was in the shower and and thinking about upcoming staff meeting later that day and all the things I had to do on my plate, I, uh, kind of lean back to wash the shampoo out of my hair. And when I when I left my deck back up, that is when the entire left side of my chess went completely numb. Instant lay Now on. I just thought like, Oh my God, this is not This is not good, and kind of my first thought was I am having a stroke. Um, I was, but then I started having an inner dialogue, kind of like, Well, I'm too young to have a stroke on. Then I thought, Well, clearly I'm not, because here I am having one, you know? So I kind of went back and forth, back and forth, and it took me a few minutes. Do you really? Ah, kind of play that out in my mind? And so as time went on, I thought, Well, maybe, you know, maybe I just pinch a nerve or something like that. So I just kind of tried to explain it away to myself. Like, you know, calm down. This is not something to be very about. And then a little, just probably probably just about three minutes later, the my entire left arm went numb as well, and I lost function most ability toe to have any control over my arms. So I remember getting out of the shower, just being really scared on dhe. I tried to put my contacts in. Ah, and I knocked everything over on the sink counter. Andi, just kind of every task I attended to complete just gave more sign that something serious was wrong. Even when I didn't want to admit it to myself. Added was serious. So that was kind of that morning. Those first moments of that stroke, how's that happen?

spk_0:   9:49
And so you go to the hospital And how do they treat you?

spk_1:   9:52
Yeah, so got to the hospital. That was Ah, fun story in and of itself, because I I actually I did something I do not recommend anyone to do. So I am very independent person. I'm strong will than stubborn on that could be helpful. And then then the situation's it can really not basil helpful. So I got in my truck and I started driving on. I wasn't driving to the hospital because I was actually supposed to meet a friend for coffee that morning. And so I was like, You know what? I just go meet Magan for coffee. I will. You know, this whole thing will just go away, you know, And I was late by this time, you know, because my my brain was actually, you know, starving of oxygen on dso my I go to pick up the phone while I'm driving to call her to apologize for being led. And it was really that moment that showed May I am not okay, So I went to pick up my phone on. I could not hold it with my left hand. And that's kind of the hand that I hold my phone with, and so I couldn't hold it. It was too heavy for my hand. And so that is the moment that I thought, I'm I'm not I'm really not okay. And I and I, I actually shouldn't be driving, but all know, what do I do now? So I called a different friend, um, to meet me on to get me to the hospital. Being in Nashville at this was rush hour as well. Morning rush hour since pretty crazy time. And I knew I should not drive myself to the hospital. So I got my friend. She picked me up. We got to hospital within an hour, which is really good time for for set on. When we got into the emergency room, they got me back really quickly. And they just kind of say, you know, here is just stunt Max sends to us. You are so young and you are so healthy. Onda athletic. Um so we just we're going to run protocol like you had stroke, but we just really don't believe said you had stroke, but we're gonna We're gonna run all the test to in order to rule that out is what they told me. And as time went on, it did not get ruled out. It got ruled in on DA. That was an interesting experience, because I I was wheeled from the emergency room. Once they decided to keep me, I was wheeled into I can remember laying on my back, going through the hospital, kind of looking at all the signs around the whole way and on the ceiling. And I remember being wheeled into the narrow intensive care unit and just thinking to myself like what in the world is happening here? Why am I Why am I here? And why am I going into neuro intensive care on dhe repeatedly being told throughout the week that I was there, that I was the youngest person on the floor and ah, and having many, many rooms down that hallway with much older people in the room. That was kind of it was really dichotomous, you know, to my experience.

spk_0:   13:03
So how did the stroke affect you physically? What did the recovery look like?

spk_1:   13:08
Yes. So, um, that initial stroke happened on the on the Tuesday and then what? We actually what actually also happen? Who's that? I had second stroke that went undetected on Friday, the day I was released from the hospital. So at first Ah, from that Tuesday, the Friday state. Really? What was affected Most Waas my left arm function on on a little bit of, um, you know, a little bit of slowness of thought, those kinds of things. But really, it was just that left arm that was just no man just lost a lot of control over it on my hand. And then with that second stroke, that happened on Friday when I got released. Ah, that one did the most damage. So it got that second stroke at my cerebellum area of my brain, which is kind of in the upper back part of your brand on dhe it, um Zatz, sir, Vellum took away much of my balance. The balances balances held in your cerebellum, and so my ability to walk all of the sudden as I would walk, um, I started to fall over, and I started to trip over my own feet and just kind of start leaning and having to really quick catch myself, you know, and things like that. And so it was just kind of odd. And we didn't know my friends were helping take care of me and see me through the week over, and we didn't know what was happening. None of us had ever experienced this before, so we didn't know what was normal and what was not normal for recovery. Um, and then my spinach slowed down completely. Ah, there was about at least one day I know of for sure that I could not talk, and, um and then when I was able to talk, it was very slow. And I describe it as a feeling like there's glue in your brain. You're just the words having to force them from my brain to toe, get out of my mouth. And then, as I end this process, this is a several days and weeks process. I began, sir, because the hospital had ordered therapy for my hand occupational therapy on when I went in there, my occupational peasants were wise enough to say, Oh, my goodness, units, bitch therapy and physical therapy to so they recommend it's up until as I got into speech Saturday and I started scanning back, my ability to talk Zenit came out was just accent that you're here today on. So what this is called is foreign accent syndrome. And it's a very rare disorder that only about 100 people in the world have after some type of Brad injury. And my speech therapist has been doing what she's been doing. Been a speech pathologist for, ah lovers and I've been alive. And she had never had a passion with foreign accent syndrome. So it was quite a journey, discovering that together with her are going, how do you help somebody, um, try to, you know, our first goal was to get rid of the accent, you know, because to me, when I would talk, I would not hear myself. I would hear different voice. It didn't sound like who I knew myself to be on. It was very hard to be in that situation. And so our first goal was to try to get toe to get my my. I always call it my real voice. My real voice back. I wanted my real voice back, and as time went on, it just kind of stick. So we just kind of tried to learn. What does it mean to have foreign accent syndrome? What are what is my prognosis? What? Ah, you know, what is the best way to have recovery with foreign accent syndrome? So Ah, overall foreign accent syndrome is the thing that is stand out than most with regards to my stroke. Of course I am, Pastor. So you know, I talk a lot about, you know, my kind of the first thing people notice about me on DA once they start talking to me and then my hand, my left hand, um uh, is doing so much better, but it often times it. It kind of curls up the fingers off it, girl up sometimes. And then my balance, we still work on my balance a lot. Ah ah. But I'm in taekwondo now, and that helps with my balance a lot. So I've gotten a lot of recovery through just going through the martial arts That's been really cool to

spk_0:   17:56
Now your accent sounds something like, uh what would you say Eastern European or

spk_1:   18:02
what in European is what I what? I usually say it Since that broad category. Interestingly, I had been on to mission trips to Ukraine before any of this ever happened on DSO. The doctor say, you know, each possible that that Ukrainian kind of bent got stuck somewhere in my brand. And when's that happened? It just kind of that part. Livened up for whatever. I don't know hazard works or it could be complete. Coincidence? No one? No one Those, um, but for foreign accent syndrome, zey the medical professionals give it about three years for it to go away on. If it does not go away by three years, they consider it to be largely permanent. So I had my three year mark last July on it is still here, So, so far the doctors

spk_0:   18:52
right now, Couple questions. So, you know, one of the you struggled, pronounce certain words, and when we were together, you should listen quick.

spk_1:   19:00
Yes, my mind them my name Taran. I couldn't do that one pretty well, but it's my last name. Off Cliffs. Yes. Yeah, you said good.

spk_0:   19:12
Did you say what you say Colette's? Oh, yeah, like a clever sniff. But Cleves.

spk_1:   19:17
And sometimes, you know you get to that place you want to jump off a cliff. But yeah, it can be hard because it's again. It's an identity thing, you know? Who am I? Who am I that I can pronounce my damn. And who am I that I sound like foreigner? You know, Andi, I will be honest and say, you know, there was grief process Ah, in this recovery on it waas Probably the one thing I was not prepared for as I go into stroke recovery, you know, it's it's, um I don't want to dump it easy in the sense to go to therapy. Um, because they have your your program, you know, and you go in. The work is not easy, but it's it's easy in the sense that you know, you've got someone guiding you. Ah, and for grieving, the loss of who you used to be is not the same as therapy on There's no program for that. And what that looks like on it was something that no one really told me about, cause they didn't know, you know. And so there was some sadness mixed in through this process of discovering. Okay, who am I now with this accent? You know who am I that I don't hear my voice anymore. Who am I? That that constant my name? You know, um, who am I? I was I am kids, church pastor. And so, like being with my kids and discovering together that there have certain words I cannot say they come up those backwards. Andi, I'm going. Oh, no. And all the awkward situations come up because I'm said one thing, but they're hearing announcer, You know, um, as yeah, those things were definitely funny moments, and there was grief attached is, um, to

spk_0:   21:03
how did you grieve? Well, how did you engage in fruitful grieving?

spk_1:   21:07
Good question. I think for me, um, I had a wonderful, uh, mental health therapist who had been walking with me to a journey that was pre vistas a stroke on dhe. Now she was with me through this time, too. On she gives me such great space to grieve in the ways that help may be the person I needed to be while I was on stage and deal with the things I needed to deal with in private on dhe. So I think for her guidance was really strong in my life. and being able to to just rise up and say, You know what this does suck on? I think I was past there sometimes whether we put it on ourselves over, you feel it from other people. We think that we are supposed to be example off. We don't get sad or we don't get angry or we don't feel emotions the same way that our congregants to bond that is just alive because I am human. And so giving the asbestos to to say this is hard on just does suck on I, um you know, I'm having to figure this out, Being honest with myself and being honest, appropriately honest with the people around me. Ah was was really key for for that healthy grieving. Being able to cry when I missed who I used to be is healthy. You know, being able t o. And it doesn't mean that it was not there was not strong, strengthened their doesn't mean that there was not triumph because they're waas. But being able to hold those things, intention with each other on in balance and say it's okay for me to grieve and it's okay for me to be strong, and I can be both of those things at the same time that that, you know, having that encouragement and my life was huge.

spk_0:   23:04
Another element that you touched on was this idea of identity and losing in some sense losing your identity, not even recognizing your whole your own voice. What encouragement do you have for the person who's listening, who is struggling and maybe through a season where they feel like they've lost part of their identity or the person that they once were before something happened? They feel like a completely different person.

spk_1:   23:29
I think that, you know, it's it sounds cliche, but Dr Identity is so much more than the things that we added up to be until for me, um, for me in particular with my voice, it was learning a new identity. And so there wasn't any magic button or magic pill I could take to just make me accept it. It came every day doing the hard work on accepting reality as it can, struggling with the things that were struggles fighting with the things that were fights on, accepting the joy in the moments that were joyful, and so those funny awkward situations where I say a word one way and they came out the Mauser. Um, those were laughable moments, and you can choose to laugh and find joy. And those moments are those moments Can Mac, you're angry And I think that is choice overall, you know, to say, Okay, that was really funny. Even though it was little awkward, it was actually really funny on dso being able, you know, some things will be your choice. And so being able to make those choices on also looking, that's a bigger picture to understand that, you know, especially, I think, as pastors, our identity is tied up in our work. And you hear that a lot that, you know, don't think that ah, who you are is only what you do. Um, and there's truth to that. And I think who I, um, is so much more than what my voice sounds like or my ability to use my hand Or, um, you know, any any of those things? Um, At any given moment, uh, anything can be taken away from us. And so if we have built our identity on what we do for our vocation or the type of family we have or who are friends are, or any of those things that can change in a moment. We're setting ourselves up to be disappointed and God, because we will believe that he is the one that has taken that from us, when really into Bible wishes that her identity rest with who God says that we are on who God says that we are is stripped of any personal accomplishments or failures that we have been a part of in our lives on. So if that is a big concept, but if we can get on board with that, I think we can understand we are so much more then the little things that we like to take unclaimed as our identity. If that makes sense,

spk_0:   26:15
it does. You are a person who I would describe as a person who has fought back with joy and for all our listeners. The joy cast. What advice do you have when it comes Thio choosing joy to fighting back with joy, clinging onto a sense of humor, which you do so beautifully in the midst of the darkness? What encouragement do you have to do those things?

spk_1:   26:38
I think that, um, for a large part, joy is a choice. And that's not the late guilt at someone who hasn't found joy in their situation. But there does come a time where we have to choose not to wallow in our circumstances. I also think that wins is stroke helping. I remember specifically nine and the hospital bed that first night on telling to God I was not mad at God. But I did have some questions about his time in lawns. Asshole. Sing on. So I remember thinking. Good. Um, what is your timing here? I can't really figure this out. And I'm not mad at you. I don't think you have dances to me, but what is your timing? And so part of my joy was wrapped up in and sang Okay. God, I want you to do with the stroke something good. I want you to use this to your glory, you know, whatever that will look like. I want youto to Texas. You know, everything in my life is yours. God, Andi, That is a kn attitude that I have tried to have since I became Jesus follower when I was 14 years old and So I I was able to, um, have that attitude in this moment on. I think the way that our attitude, our predisposition to say, Okay, God, not that good causes everything because Satan is definitely at the working at the world but that God can use anything we are willing to give him. And so that was really in my response on. I know that doesn't speak specifically to joy in the sense of Here's five tips to be joyful, but I believe that when we pursue God was everything we have when we're willing to give God free rent to do what he wills with our life, he will bring joy in the midst of the hard things. And I believe that is a miracle that he worked in my life in this situation.

spk_0:   28:47
One thing that we love to do with our guests on the joy cast is toe. Ask them for a recipe, A recipe for the table, a recipe for leadership, a recipe for life. Do you have any recipe that you'd liketo share with our listeners? I

spk_1:   29:02
would like to share a recipe for the table. I, uh, had just begun a journey of cooking right before my stroke. And so it was one of those skills that actively worked on in my therapy session was I want to be able to cook again and use knives and scissors and all those funds things. So one of the recipes that I love is a recipe for Maple Gretel chicken, cause I also love maple syrup. So ah, this is one of my favorite recipes. It's a really quick meal, which I enjoy as well, because my life is kind of on to go. And so this is what they call a 20 minute meal. So it's pretty easy to make if you don't have a lot of time.

spk_0:   29:43
That sounds amazing, and our listeners can pull up that recipe of Margaret Feinberg backslash uh, joy cast, and it will try to make this incredible recipe tar and thank you so much for being on the joy cast

spk_1:   29:57
such a joy to be here and honor to so Sang Cheol Margaret for having me.

spk_0:   30:06
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