5 Tips for Marital Satisfaction While in Quarantine | Ted Cunningham

The Joycast –
Spending more time with your spouse + highly stressful conditions can take a toll on a marriage, but it doesn’t have to! Learn from a marriage guru who will make you laugh!

For show more show notes and recipes visit:
www.margaretfeinberg.com/joycast

Transcript

spk_0:   0:00
I'm Margaret Feinberg, and this is the joy cast. Welcome back, friends. And I am so glad you're here if you haven't heard. I recently started a new Siris on Instagram called Jammie Time with Margaret. So if you're looking for comfort, encouragement and a few giggles, visit Instagram and enjoy these morning clips. I also wanted to give a shout out to some of our national heroes. That's you, Mom and Dad. You are amazing parents, and that's you, Grandma and Grandpa. You are amazing grand parents. The way you're transitioning and navigating this new life. I am so grateful for you. I don't know if it's gonna hope it all, but I just we decided just to take all of our Scripture based coloring books and dot to dot books and just make him $6 each at Margaret Feinberg store. It's more than 60% off, and that's just so that you can have some affordable fresh activity books for your kiddos. Now, I don't know about you, but I have been spending a lot more time with my spouse. Now, if you know late tonight, you know we could not be more different from each other his nickname is Anchor, and mine is orbit. We joke that I dragged him along and he holds me down. So let's just say we have a little extra attention in our marriage and is the most beautiful tension when we partner and work well together. But now, now, friends, we've been thrown into this whole new reality this new world. Not only are we together now more hours a day, but we're also with each other in our stress behaviors, those moments when individually, when we're feeling the whiplash of the latest headline, or here the news of someone we know and love, who is now fighting for their lives for those days when the reality of what's happening just crashes in and overwhelms. And so we're having to love each other in this and develop new techniques to protect and nourish our marriage and relationship in the season. We're having to up our game in communication task regularly throughout the day, where you at right now, we're learning to express what we're feeling, even if we don't know why we're feeling it. We're having to learn to say I I just need space right now. We're having to acknowledge that this situation is making both of us feel fatigue. So there are some days that means being honest and saying I just need to call it a day and go to bed early. We're also having to identify our fears and say them out loud to each other as we recognize them, we're having a have more frequent and more intense honest conversations with each other. What we're going through, let's just be honest friends. It can put a lot of stress on a marriage. But I also believe that this is a time when we can learn to develop new tools and techniques and communication and understanding in wells of compassion that perhaps we've never had before. But honestly, we can't do this on our own. And that's why I've called my friend Ted cutting him. He's a pastor. Ah, comedian, a hoot and author of a love that laughs, Lighten up, cut loose and enjoy life together, man, isn't that something we could all use right now? So I'm inviting you to pull up a chair to this practical, joyful conversation that will equip you tow, have a satisfying marriage. Even in this Oh, Ted Cunningham I call you Space Man because you've been my friend for so log. It is such a delight in privilege to have you on the joy cast.

spk_1:   4:14
I don't want to be on the joy. Cash. You have no idea for how long. Thank you for having me. I thought we were friends, but it's taken a long time.

spk_0:   4:23
You know, this morning, you you busted me and you bust. Uh, it was mad. It was bad. It was back to back meetings. You want to tell her audience?

spk_1:   4:33
Yeah. So I logged in 10 minutes early, and I always like to be a little bit early to these toe workout. The technical glitches. And you were on the prayer call of all prayer calls with 100 some odd, um, female leaders from around the world praying. And I mean, they were praying for new dreams and new visions and praying against this virus and in the background. I hear somebody do ambitions. I hear, I hear. And I'm like, what is going on? That call ends and I find out it was you you were making

spk_0:   5:07
cappuccino. So through making

spk_1:   5:12
was acting, you were making a lot first thing you'll just praying under down. And you have been taking a lot in the kitchen. Unbelievable. Low grade on the pair called for you today, Margaret. Low low grade

spk_0:   5:32
Guilty has started, but they were back to back with his interview and I needed the copy to be Oh, baby, Out for the past.

spk_1:   5:40
Now, my question is, did all those other ladies here a lot making?

spk_0:   5:45
I don't know. I'm enough to check in later. It'll be hashtag lot making prayer. Yep.

spk_1:   5:49
Lot making prayer on your sipping it right now. Enjoying?

spk_0:   5:54
I am delightful. It's delightful. Hey, so, you, um we met years ago when you how did we meet? His name was Gary Smalley.

spk_1:   6:05
Yeah. And with that, it was almost 13 years ago. I think I'm trying to go back to 2000. And he was 2007 and we were in a meeting at Gary Smalley's. They have a small e relationship center and getting ready to work on some projects. And little did you know, you would be spending 23 years, uh, tutoring me on how to be a writer, and I absolutely were you out with my all caps? responses. Uh, your email you sent me that if you use all caps one more time in your writing, uh, had we've been face to face you What? You would have thrown something at me. I think you were. You're so exhausted by my writing a better writer, David the Margaret Feinberg, that's for sure.

spk_0:   6:57
Yeah. Writing in all caps with 17 exclamation points does not sense better.

spk_1:   7:02
But I got my point across. I think I got my point across Omei. Those were good days. Good days.

spk_0:   7:11
But through that I know I'm like through that, by the way. Okay. So, listen, this is this a super secret? You never do this. But I ghost wrote many Gary Smalley books. And if I tell you which ones they are, I might have to kill you.

spk_1:   7:24
Yeah, Yeah, yeah! Ooh, yeah! Ooh, yeah, Very Went with the Lord four years ago. I believe that. And so yeah, but he sure loved you. Murderer. You honored him well through all those times, that's for sure.

spk_0:   7:38
We left him and still do. Now through this, your pastor. But you're also kind of a marriage guru of sorts.

spk_1:   7:47
Well, I mean, my passion is to help couples. I like to help couples experience high levels of marital satisfaction. I just I like to help couples find ways to enjoy life more together. And so I kind of transition. I I go between speaker and comedian, uh, with my events, and so I'm kind of stuck in between those two little bit.

spk_0:   8:09
It's a good place to be. It's a good place to be. So right now we have, um we've had a little shift. I don't know if you've read or felt perhaps in our in our world. And, um, and all of sudden married couples are, for many are spending more time together than they ever have before. Um, I know that in our own church and congregation, we have ah, spouse is who would travel to 35 days a week for work and are now not traveling at home. And you've got two spouses who are at home. We have situations where we have, um, you know, couples who were already in kind of rocky places in their marriage, and now they're confronted with each other all day. Or perhaps they're in a situation where the stress and the anxiety of lost wages, lost jobs, child care, raising kids is challenging. And I'd love to know kind of just some basic wisdom and and how to how to adjust. Our perspective in our marriage is during this time,

spk_1:   9:09
yeah, and I think during this time, like any other time, if you want to achieve high levels of marital satisfaction, you're gonna get there far quicker. You go with emotions more than opinions. Let's go back a year to a couple wanting to come in the office and talk to me about their money, about parenting styles in law's jobs, careers and they both have opinions on how to how to move forward. And and obviously those opinions are making them both opponents more than teammates. And what we try to do in pastoral counseling is to get to the heart of the matter, to get them on the same page, uh, as teammates, tackling whatever the issue is. And so one of the first things I'm encouraging couples to do during this time is to share feelings more than opinions. We all want certainty. Right now, we all want to know when will we be going back to work? We all want to know. When will the paychecks start back? When will the curve flatten? We all want to know and have timelines so we can begin making plans. But we're living in an uncertain time, So this is a great time to to share feelings, to share on. Amy and I are processing this in very different ways because we have different core fears. Amy, you know her court fear she doesn't like to be disconnected from She doesn't like to be abandoned. I don't like to be controlled. Were to be judged or to feel like a failure. So everybody has different primary emotions. And I got the wisdom last week from a therapist friend who said, You know you today. Ask your spouse. How are you doing more than what are you doing? You know, we all want to get up and go after a plan, but we need that. We need to be checking in on one another right now, emotionally through this time. And remember, I convey. Validate your feelings when I disagree with your opinions. Healthy people healthy people are not threatened by the opinions of others. So I I'm not threatened by the opinion. I don't want to be threatened by Annie's opinions. Ah, and I can listen to somebody's opinions and validate their feelings. Even when I don't agree with their opinion on dhe. When I disagree with your opinions and it doesn't mean that I hate you, it doesn't mean that I'm mad at you. I can have a completely different opinion than you on how we quarantine whether or not we go to the store every day, how much we're going to spend what we're gonna budget during this time. But wait, we just are encouraging couples right now spend more time on the feelings level. Just listen. Lean in, incline your ear. Don't try to fix your spouse right now, but spend more time listening to those feeling.

spk_0:   12:02
One of the things that you said that just popped out was you use that phrase the core fear, and I've never really thought about that. You know what is my core fear and what is my husband's core fear? Um, I think somewhat like you. You know, I fear, um, or your spouse, I feel a little bit afraid of being abandoned, um, of being alone in this, Um what What? What are some common core fears that people who are thinking wait, I don't even know what my core fear is. What are some? That perhaps I can help them have the language for

spk_1:   12:37
us, So I always start with helping couples. The court beer comes from the message written on your heart. Where was this message written on your heart? Or better yet, win? Was it written on your heart years ago? It's why we're in therapy. It's become cliche, but hey, lay down on this couch here and tell me about your father. Well, I want to know what a pastor apparent a coach, a teacher, a neighbor and uncle and aunt said to you over and over and over and over again that eventually you started believing it. Gary Smalley would always say, You pretty much summed up your world view by the age of 10 and you spend the rest of your life processing what happens to you through the messages written on your heart when you were very small. And so these create core fears and how these play out even in this time, I'll give you a great example this time of quarantine You know, Amy, because her core fear is disconnection. She's missing people. She wants to be back in the church with people I'm process have more from that controlled court. Fear of I'm tired of the government telling me what to do. Right? I'm I'm ready. I'm gonna have church when we're gonna have church. And I don't need to be told what work? We're both. We're both processing the exact same situation in very different ways, emotionally. So other courtiers would be the fear of of feeling worthless, of feeling inadequate. Um, many are gonna have the core fear of failure right now. And a lot of people are gonna be feeling that, Margaret, I just want to encourage them. Uh, you didn't cause the virus. You didn't cause the shutdown. If you're waking up at 123 a. M right now and sitting on the edge of your bed feeling like a failure, you need to rest in the fact that all of this that is happening is out of your control. Ah, some Some would have that court fear of not measuring up. Some have the court cleared being cheated. And, you know, they feel like they're They're work, you know, has made plenty of money off of their labor. So this is a time that my boss should be taking care of me instead of furloughing. I mean, so everybody's gonna process this week. We've isolated, uh, through the national instead of marriage, which is now hope restored, that focus on the family. It's in the book from anger to intimacy. But if there's not 27 core fears that we process my court fears are being controlled. Being judged feeling like a failure. Amy's air disconnected, abandoned Ah, and then rejected. Some people will feel rejected through this, but these are all these are all primary emotions, keeping in mind that anger is a secondary emotion. Meaning you always feel these courtiers first. And this is what I'm encouraging couples to talk through and the process through. Don't don't look att feelings as a right or wrong issue right now. Look at them as something you can validate. We want to move to the confession of trusted for any pastors or church leaders that might be listening right now if I can encourage them for the same reason you and I, when we don't we go to the hospital after someone has passed away. We don't sit down with the family Ah, in the waiting room there, the family room right there and start giving them a lesson on death like that's not the time. The time is to practice the Ministry of Presence to listen to them, to encourage them to remind them to eat. A lot of people that enter into deep morning or grief need to be reminded to take care of themselves physically. But I don't need to give them lessons on death. And that's one of the things I've been sharing with couples to There's a lie. I think we need to journal through this time that we don't need to share during this time. I don't need to meet with a couple right now who wasn't prepared for this financially and give them a Dave Ramsey course on getting an emergency fund together. Yes, it be easier to go through these first few weeks with an emergency fund, but if they don't have it, that's a lesson we can teach later. All right, this is a good time for listening and letting people share had a lady the other day say I'm beautiful right now during this. Does that make me a bad Christian? And I'm going I hate that you're even thinking that No, you need to be able to share that. I want you like the laments Moms get to a confession of trust. I want us to get to that confession of trust, but But let's listen to people and what they're feeling right now and help them work through that.

spk_0:   17:06
What you're tapping into is the importance of communication in orderto have a fuck driving and flourishing marriage Right now, what are some quick tips you have for listeners toe up their communication game during a time where they are feeling, you know, moments of spiked fear, anxiety unknown?

spk_1:   17:25
Yeah, So I think we're all conditioned right now. We're conditioned toe two on li. Listen to things we agree with, And so and I think a lot of that is, you know, we listen to cable news networks that reinforce our biases. The algorithms on social media pushed news tow us that fit our biases. So it means we're only listening to news we agree with, and that's conditioning us as listeners two on Lee be emotionally responsive to people we agree with, well, that you want to be a good emotional listener. When you're spouses sharing feelings, you can't understand or you can't ah, trek with. That's a good time for you to, um, discipline yourself to make eye contact body to body distraction free. I'm listening with you in mind. So I like how big boat puts it. When I enter a conversation or I enter a room. Uh, no one likes the person that enters the room with the Here I am mentality. We prefer that person that walks in with their ur mentality and so a good thing. Enter that conversation with there you are with your spouse, like focusing on them and where they are. In a practical way To do that, Margaret is to repeat back to your spouse what they're saying word for word. And if you've ever done this, we've all done this where we say back. So what I hear you saying is, and you share back with your spouse what they're saying your spouse responds with. That's not at all what I'm saying. Oh, well, it's because you just put your nonverbals in your body language into it. And about over 90% of our communication is in the nonverbals and in body language. So keep repeating back until your spouse looks at you with those eyes or with that knob, it says, Yeah, I think you're finally getting what I'm feeling. I think you're understanding what I'm going through. And if I could just say we're blessed right now with kind good communication takes time. Speed is the enemy of intimacy. It's the enemy of good communication. So we've got time to sit there and let your spouse talk without fixing anything in them to just let them share what they're feeling through. This time.

spk_0:   19:45
One of the things that I've been wrestling with with Leif is how differently our needs are met. I think each of us have court needs, and there's ways to meet them that are healthy. And so I know the other night life, uh, needed to watch a comedy had been a full pastoral day. These air long days, I think a lot of people think their pastors aren't doing anything I don't know. My husband's work intended well, ours today, um, you know, nurturing an end and helping our community during this time, and he was just maxed out. And so he watched a comedy. But But honestly, it was the last thing I needed. I needed to go Ah, and just go to bed. And so I just said, Hey, you get your needs, Matt. I want to give space for that. Other days it may be playing Xbox or other days. You know, for me, it may be going for a walk, but making sure each of us are trying to get her needs met that kind of old concept of put your oxygen mask on first. What would you speak to our listeners regarding that?

spk_1:   20:40
So, uh, it's the idea of one thing when I do a marriage conference of marriage retreat and you know someone's gonna take 678 pages of notes and I'm like, the worst thing you could do is lead in this conference of retreat and get in the car and say, I want to tackle these 12 things because it's like New Year's resolution. She put 12 out there. You're probably not going to want so focus on one thing. Amy and I have this one thing a day. What one thing can I do for you today? During this time, my wife is passionate about that. Marie conned a woman tiding up on Netflix and ah ah that my wife has to love languages, acts of service and quality time, which means I served her for long periods of time. That's what those two love languages together mean, But in the middle of it, she has a de cluttering love language, and I call it the pitch, pitch, pitch love language. And so last Friday, she handed me a garbage bag and said, Would you please this with my one thing? For that they would you please go into the closet and put 25 items you don't wear or use anymore in this bag? And I didn't do it the next day, she said, Um, have you done those 30 things for me yet? I said, What what? 30 things? I didn't do it by Monday. We're up the 35 things that I needed to put in that bag, and I went in the closet, gathered 35 items. I don't need any more, put him in the bag and to just watch her light up when I walk out of the closet with this big garbage bag and she just lit up because for her de cluttering in the home, it is a physical, emotional, spiritual lightning of below less to take care of left. And she says, You have no idea when I see that bag. It's like a weight being lifted off of me. And so when we say the one thing and you just described it with late you for him to stay up and watch a comedy while you go to bed, that's a weight being lifted from him. And I would just ask, Ask your spouse again, Not my the whole days Yours. What it will just would do whatever you want to do today. No, you go to your separate corners of the house and get some space from one another so you could be fresh when you come together. But but asked what's one thing that would be super helpful for you today? That would lighten the load that would release this way that would fill you up, Um, during this time and I just think again. We always say marriage skills transfer you and they build on one another. It's kind of like Dave Ramsey's debt snowball, right? You just That's the one thing. And watch these accumulate as the days and weeks of this, um, you know, cooped up, tying together, go along.

spk_0:   23:30
Said late that I have, um, sat down and made a list of things both for now that we're gonna look forward to on the calendar each day Because and then also, when this is over, we have a win. This is over. You know, I'm gonna go swim in a public pool. I'm going to Costco with my dad on eating a hot dog. I'm running 1/2 marathon because I went to Costco so many times with my dad. I need the O. But we also have now made a list of little things to do each day that we can just enjoy or just a little joy. Bombs in the midst baking fresh bread, baked his first loaf yesterday, and it came out like so weird looking. I was like, I think it looks like the Corona virus. Fred today, his good looks beautiful. Um, you know, we're gonna have naked lunch sometime this week, like we're planning these things that are joyous and fun. And, um, the importance of that also that that it is a time to carve out even a few minutes to celebrate your spouse and enjoy being with them. What wisdom do you have for listeners about about making those celebratory moments in the midst of what could be a hard and stressful time?

spk_1:   24:38
Yeah, so for Amy and I, it's always been part of our marriage, and part of our home is we have the laugh together every day. We have to find ways to laugh together and, you know, in comedy, we call it the callback. You know, if you think of your favorite comedian right now, and comedy is pretty simple as far as a formula. Premise, punchline, premise, punchline, premise, punchline. Your favorite comedians can often give a premise in a punch line in one sentence, and it's it plays off of. My favorite comedians are like Jim Gaffigan, Brian Regan, that a callback is where you take a punch line from earlier in the set, and you bring it off of a new premise for a new story later on. And he usually gets a bigger laugh because that's all laughter. Is it shocking? The brain comedy shocks the brain, and that's what causes the person toe laugh. And so we have what we call callbacks in our marriage. I'll be honest with you. I've been watching some of these press conferences and some of the things politicians are saying. I mean, I'm praying for all of our leaders, but there's some comical things coming out of of these press conferences, and they become callbacks in our home where I can I can get 2030 laughs off of one statement knowing when it dies down. Amy and I have made it a point to continue to prioritize finding ways to make one another last. Amy has what I call a silent, patriotic laugh. When she finds something funny, she places her hand over her heart. She leans forward and nothing comes out. And my goal is to see how many times a day I can get her toe laugh. Because Henry Ward Beecher, 19th century preacher, said A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs jolted by every pebble on the road. And, uh, we just want to maintain our our shared sense of humor through this time, and I would encourage couples to develop that during this time. Find ways whether it be sharing a mean, whether it be sharing something that was said, Make him call backs, bring it back later on in the day or evening. But continue to find ways. Toe. Enjoy life together during very difficult, stressful times. Couples who learned to laugh on and have a shared sense of humor not only manage stress better, but it helps them navigate through difficult conversations. And you don't have toe become a comedian. To do this, you just have to look for the funny that's all around you

spk_0:   27:14
So good. Now, one of the things that is it is a little heartbreaking during this time, but I want your wisdom on this is you know, I recently read that domestic violence in our state has gone up about 30% in the last week. It is just that jumped up. Ah, what wisdom do you have for those who might be in that situation, or maybe fearful that their spouse, you know, as they emotionally respond to the situation, you know, depression and anger so coupled, but there can't be that outburst. What would you say? Or if the person listening is the person experiencing that?

spk_1:   27:52
Yeah, I think it's important for us. You know, I read up on this last night after you and I, um, shared briefly about it yesterday from West Virginia to Los Angeles, the Salt Lake City where you are. And you know that the concern is for the homes where there was already ah cycle of abuse that existed their power and control that now there it's more exasperated because of all of this, it's the concern isn't so much. If you were a peaceful couple before this that you're gonna turn into a in an abusive couple through this, I mean that that is gonna happen. There will be case of that, but that's not That's not the primary, not a concern. I would say what I would say before this crisis. It's interesting to me, Margaret, how so much of what we're talking about during this crisis It's like there's this new. We need new ways to do it when not really what? It's still the wisdom and teaching and counsel we would give people a year ago. Five years ago, that if you're in an abusive situation, my first thing would be to say anybody that finds themselves where they're fearing for their lives, uh, to immediately, no matter what order is in your city or state to immediately find new shelter to find new help. And I know that's easier said than done, but we're talking about light. If your life is threatened, uh, seek help immediately, even beyond the phone call, Uh, get somewhere safe. Um, if you find yourself, uh, stressing during this time and taking it out on your wife, your husband or your Children, I want to encourage people. Our church is doing it. I don't know if your church is doing a market, but there's our counselors have gone online, and, uh, we can do teleconference saying we could do Zoom. We can do based time, uh, to work with people who are who are thinking I'm a threat to myself or I'm a threat to others. We have to really issues going on in our culture. Now we have the virus, which is one thing. But now we also have the the fear pandemic to and the uncertainty pandemic of people. You know, worried about the mental health issues, worried about the relationship issues. We're worried about potential suicides in this. I mean, so we We have to clearly make ministry available to those who are stressing, and I just want to hurt. You still have to reach out for help, even though you feel stuck and alone, isolated, helpless you're not. There are still people that can help you. This stay at home order is to stop the spread of the virus, but it's it's It's not meant to keep you in a situation that your life is threatened. Uh, or, you know, you're gonna cause major damage to yourself or someone else. So you still need to reach out for help. And you can do that through churches, through ministries, through hotlines. Ah, and if it's immediate danger, obviously local authorities, I would still give that counsel if a couples in my office and I feel that when they leave here the conversation that was had, that there could be anything physically, uh, threatening toe one or both. I can't let him leave. I mean, I have to I have to deal with that. I called an ambulance is for people who are suffering from mental illness who I think will harm themselves. So we still have the We still have the minister in that way. It's still not a hands off ministry. We want to lean in and help people stay safe and recover from this.

spk_0:   31:28
So good, so good. One of things we always do on the joy cast or love to do is to ask people for a recipe. And I was wondering what recipe you would like to share for our with our listeners.

spk_1:   31:40
Like food recipe Oh, a record for anything. Oh, my, I just stressed, literally broke out into a cold sweat, broke out into a cold sweat recipe for food. I have I crack two eggs open. I do make a shake. I could give the recipe for this shake, but I'm not gonna do that. So let me get the arrest me tried and true, and we're gonna It's communication, and it's, I think it's simple to remember. Um, Gary Smalley taught this to me 13 years ago, the day he taught it to me. You know, it's one of those things. It went deep into my soul. It's never left, and it's what I tried to use in every conversation, and we call it love talk L U V Love talk, and it stands for Listen, understand and validate. If you want to lean in and be a great listener, the L for listen means you're not sharing your feelings or opinions. You're not looking at your phone. You're not looking at your watch. You're not distracted by Children devices or, oh, our environment. You're completely focused on what the other person is saying. Your spouse is saying then the understand is where you repeat back word for word, what they're saying. You ask questions for greater understanding and, uh, stay on the understanding until you get that nod from your spouse like Okay, yeah, you get what's going on in the B is validate. I love the validate because you park your car in the garage, you go in and, you know, have the restaurant in the store. Stamp it. All that restaurant store is saying is you were here and in these times, if you want to be, come an A plus listener. Uh, just listen till you get that stamp that says you're fully present. Holy understanding. What was going on in my heart during this conversation, and it if you start becoming that kind of listener. I've just seen it happen over and over and over again. It causes the other spouse to want to do the same. Okay, now I want to do that for you. Um, listen, understand? Invalidate love talk. It's a great tool. Recipe will call it a recipe.

spk_0:   33:46
Oh, I love it. I love it. Now, if somebody wanted to see this little clip of your date night comedy to her, where would they go and see that online?

spk_1:   33:54
Ah, you know, they can google. Um, thinking Google. And I know I have several clips out there on it. It's on pure flicks. You have pure flips. You can watch the whole set. Uh, but yeah, you'll have no preview Google my name. You'll find several clips, uh, with with and And trust me, I'm writing a bunch of stuff right now. That kind leave you with 11 of my favorite. All right. Margaret, this is so good. And it comes from an 84 year old retired missionary in our church. I was in Panera Bread getting ready to meet her for coffee was meeting her for coffee when I was writing the Book of Love that laughs and I was on the section Stop trying to be funny and start looking for funny because I hear it all the time from people. I'm not funny, you know. I can't. I don't. I tell people when we wake up in the morning, Amy doesn't get out of bed and go. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Ted Cunningham. I mean, that's not how our day starts. I'm not telling jokes to her, but I'm looking for funny. So I told this to the lady and she's 84. I said, Pat, have you seen anything funny lately? What's the last thing you saw? That was funny? And she said, Ted, you're never gonna believe it. It was yesterday up in Springfield. I was getting my mammogram and I went, Oh, boy, where is this going? She said, You know, I got it at Mercy Hospital and they have versus all over the walls everywhere you go at Mercy Hospital, I go, Yeah, I know I've been there And she said, What burst do you think they have hanging on the mammogram machine and I go, I have absolutely no idea. Pat, what's the versed on the mammogram machine, she said. Second, Corinthians 48 There were hard pressed on every side but not crushed, and I I about spit my lot out. Ah, uh, over the table Anyway, Pat. I put that in the book after she told to me, and I said that You mind if I share that she goes, I would be so honored if that became part of a comedy set around the country. Go. It's It is most definitely in there. So that's from 84 year old Packer Shell.

spk_0:   35:56
So good, so good. And you can find that story and so many Maurin, Ted Cunningham's great book, A love that laughs, lighten up, cut loose and enjoy life together. And, man, there's no better time than all of us could use that then. Right now. Thank you, Ted. So much for being on the joy cast.

spk_1:   36:15
You're a dear friend, Margaret. Thank you for having me