Ashamed to Admit
Are you ashamed to admit you're not across the big issues and events affecting Jews in Australia, Israel and around the Jewish world?
In this new podcast from online publication The Jewish Independent, Your Third Cousin Tami Sussman and TJI's Dashiel Lawrence tackle the week's 'Chewiest and Jewiest' topics.
Ashamed to Admit
Why do Jewish people get anxious about waste? Have a different calendar? Occasionally marry their in-law?
Why do Jewish people get anxious about waste? Have a different calendar? Occasionally marry their in-law? Tami & Shoshana are here for you; all will be answered in this week’s 'Rapid Fire' episode. Plus, a curious FB group member asks if it’s permissible to use a buzzbuzz on shabbat.
This episode was filmed at Storytellers Australia.
The vocalist in the theme song is Sara Yael
Did you know you can watch this series on YouTube?
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Shame to ask, a shame to admit, I'm chewy, chewy questions. This is it, this is it. Why is wicked simple art? I'm sure how to ask. We'll open up the books. The article will open up your cynical heart. No such a thing as a dumb question. Okay, that's mostly true. I mean I'm Shoshana here for you. A shame to admit.
SPEAKER_01:A shame to ask. It's everything you didn't get in Jewish studies class. Hi. Hi. Hello. Welcome to A Shame to Admit. I'm Shoshana Gottlieb Becker. I'm Tammy Sussman. Now, a few months ago, I I have an Instagram page. I don't know if you know this. Do you? Yeah. What's the handle? Jewish Memes Only. Oh, that's you. Yeah, that's me. It's me. Um and I did ask my 33,000 followers. 33.2 at the currently. It's weird if I do it, but if you do it as like a supportive friend, then it's fine, you know. Yeah, I'm really proud of you. Yeah. Anyway, I asked a bunch of them if there were questions that they would be too ashamed to admit that they didn't know. Like, like bits of information about Jewish life, and they sent a lot.
SPEAKER_00:You guys came through with the goods. Thank you so much. So, all of those questions, I've compiled them, and every few episodes we're gonna do rapid fire. Just like a few things like what's this, what's this? Yep. That's what we're gonna do. That's what we're doing today. Fantastic. We should get into it. I do have a question. Go, which I think you were supposed to ask me, but it's fine. I will allow it. Okay. Uh when's your Hebrew birthday? Thank you for asking. My birthday, my Jewish birthday is the first of Nisan. That's a good one. 5747. That's actually a really good one.
SPEAKER_01:Why is it a good one? It's one of our four new years in Judaism.
SPEAKER_00:Amazing.
SPEAKER_01:And so yours is the Judaism, uh sorry, the Judaism. Yours is the new year of like months and like the calendar in general. First topic today is Jewish calendars. We have like there's the calendar start, which is the year like the month of Nissan. And there's also like the year start, right? The new year Rosh Hashanah starts in Tishra. So it's two different new years. And then there's two other ones as well.
SPEAKER_00:So how come we don't celebrate or why do we only celebrate Rosh Hashanah, not the other ones?
SPEAKER_01:Um, well, the other one is right before Pesach. Okay. The other one of the other ones we do celebrate, and we'll talk about it next time. It's Tubishvat. Yes. Um yes. That was a very emphatic. Yeah. Um and then the other one, um, I don't know why we don't do. Like it's the first of El. I think it's also just like it's really close to Rosh Hashanah anyway. It's like a month apart.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:You know, it's like when you're born near Christmas and then you only have Christmas. I feel so sorry for those people. I feel like it's like that, but Jewishly. All right. Anyway, thanks for asking. But my birthday is the fifth of El.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for reminding me that as a co-host, I'm supposed to throw it back to you. So once again, the fifth five of Elul. Okay. I have nothing to say about that. Don't know whether to congratulate you or whether it's just neutral, is it par of? Is it a?
SPEAKER_01:I really like it. Okay. Um, Elul as a month is like the month of introspection because it's like the month before Rosh Hashanah. And so you're supposed to like think about your your past year and reflect, and like if you need to say sorry to anyone, you apologize in that time.
SPEAKER_00:How are you at apologizing?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, horrible.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Is this part of your oppositional defiance disorder?
SPEAKER_01:No, I think it's part of my lack of social awareness and skills. Um, but also thank God that we live in a day and age where like apologizing before Ash Hashanah is just like you send off a quick text, you know? You're just like, hey, sorry if I've done anything wrong this year. Have a good one, XX.
SPEAKER_00:I delete those. They mean nothing to me. So what is the deal with the Jewish calendar? Are we talking about that today? We are, we are good.
SPEAKER_01:Um again, like if you have like feel free to ask questions. It's kind of really simple, like in terms of like the the things I want to impart into the world in terms of the Jewish calendar. Um, much like the Gregorian calendar, 12 months. Um, it depends who you ask, who the first one is, again, which way you follow, either the first one is Nissan, your birthday, yeah. The first day of the year, or Tishre, which is Rosh Hashanah time. Um we follow what is called a luni solar calendar, and this is where it gets fun and interesting, right? Because um the year itself follows the solar year, right? The order like the the um seasons. It's very seasonal. So it's really important that Pesach takes place um in like the northern hemisphere in the springtime and Sukot is in like autumn, right? Those are it's actually like really important to the also because of those holidays are agricultural holidays which happen around certain harvest festivals. Okay, but you're talking about sorry, the seasons in the land of Israel. Northern hemisphere in general, yeah. Okay. Um everything's the opposite for us, but what ends up happening is that like autumn and spring are very mild, like and very similar. And so our experiences for Pesach and Socot specifically are very similar to the Northern Hemisphere.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Um So just if you're an international listener or viewer, just in case you weren't aware, Shoshana and I are Australian. What? Yeah, we live in Australia. Crazy. That's why we talk like that. And so that's why it it is. It's a lot of people when they live in the Northern Hemisphere, they're ca they have a lack of awareness that there are people in the southern hemisphere. Oh yeah, absolutely. And so for us.
SPEAKER_01:And especially like even more so Jews. Like, like it gets really annoying when they're like, oh my god, like what how do you have Hanukkah in the summer? And I'm like, well, really easily, actually. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:You know, just you do it. N not that easy as it as it's now come to my attention. Um, I live in a apartment on the fourth floor. I don't know what direction it faces, but basically my Hanukkah candles this year, they were uh in the Hanukkiya by the window, and they melted. It was really hot. Did you put it in the window during the daytime?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, I did. I see that's your mistake. Okay. Is that like lighting the Hanokia is a nighttime activity? Yeah. So you do it at nightfall when the sun's not beating it on it. Right. Yeah. Okay. Okay, conventional.
SPEAKER_00:What actually happened is I put the candles in early. No, I put them in the night before. Then my kids weren't with me there with their dad, then I forgot to light them and then forgot that they were there, then they melted. Before we continue with this riveting topic. Yes. You said a word before lunisolar. Lunar solar, yeah. Lunar solar. Yeah, yeah. Lunisolar, yeah. Lunisolar. Okay, so that gets back to my original point. Yes.
SPEAKER_01:So the year itself is like solar, right? Like the seasons are are defined by the sun. And like I I'm not a scientist, but that's pretty sure that's how that works. However, our months follow the lunar cycle. Because if there's one thing that Jews want to do, it's make things incredibly hard to follow and understand. So our year is is by day, so the solar part of Lunisolar. Our months are the lunar part of Lunisolar. Um which is like so I don't know if you've been in like religious circles before, but like, or okay, let me st let me start again. Um when does Pesach start time of day?
SPEAKER_00:I I thought most festivals start at night. There's always air rev of evening off. But why do they start at night? Oh, it must be something to do with the moon.
SPEAKER_01:Because the beginning of a Jewish day is in the evening. So Shabbat starts on Friday afternoon because Shabbat the day starts on Friday night. Who knew? Rabbis. And I'm not gonna I'm I'm not gonna lie to you. Me. You and most religious Jews have that one locked down. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:So for those of you who were new to this duo and this show, you've now learnt that Shoshana and I are both Australian. Yes. We're both Jewish. Yes. We have not mentioned yet that you grew up in pretty religious society.
SPEAKER_01:I grew up like modern Orthodox. My family was modern Orthodox. Okay. Um, and like we kept everything. I went to a Chabad Day school for 13 years, which I'm like, that's where most of my knowledge comes from. And then like when, you know, I have to remind myself of something, quick Google. But like I already know most of it.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Whereas I grew up, also my parents identified as modern Orthodox. Right. Very secular.
SPEAKER_01:Modern Orthodox is a sliding spectrum of like the modern to the orthodox. And I would say I sat closer to the orthodoxy of like it was orthodox with a sprinkle of modern as opposed to like modern with like sure once a year.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Whereas mine was definitely closer to modern with a sprinkle of atheists in denial.
SPEAKER_01:So this is a thing about I think specifically about Sydney in general, which is really interesting. We have this conversation all the time. Most people in Sydney define themselves as modern Orthodox. What I think they actually are is non-practicing Orthodox. Yeah. Right? Like the shawl I don't go to is Orthodox. Yes. It's my shawl, I don't go to it. And like, God forbid a woman tries to, you know, say kiddosh, but like, I'm still gonna go and get a cheeseburger after this kind of vibes. Like it's non-practicing orthodox. Um, which is like what I assume your family was.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we we can get into that family histories in another episode. You know, once we build up rapport and trust, and once we don't have those things. Yeah, no, we don't. I'm scared of you. And then once more of our listeners like a little bit more interested in us, they might want to know. You know?
SPEAKER_01:Like a genealogy app.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, or that we could do that.
SPEAKER_01:I do myancestry.com swab live on air.
SPEAKER_00:We could do that.
SPEAKER_01:Back to the show. Yeah. Calendars. Yeah, oh my god, yeah. So um, yeah, so the our days start at night. Right. Um a lunar month, uh sorry, a lunar year is shorter than a solar year. And so you'd imagine that like if you follow just the lunar calendar over and over again, then it gets off whack with the seasons. Yes. So we did this thing, or like not we like the rabbis did this thing, God did this thing. Um, is that like um every so often we have a leap year? And in a Gregorian leap year, we add one extra day, right? And that makes sure that we align with the seasons, right? In February, the 29th.
SPEAKER_00:Just one day, one day can change all yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So in Judaism and the Jewish calendar, we add a whole extra month every so often. So it's a 19-year cycle, and it's seven times within those 19 years, you add an extra month. Um, and that keeps things balanced to make sure that our like holidays stay aligned with the solar seasons, but still everything else is kind of happening according to the new moon, which is how our months are decided.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, I'm not great with numbers. I heard 19, seven, one month.
SPEAKER_01:Every 19 No, no, so there's a 19-year cycle. Okay, within those 19 years, okay, it's a okay, every 19 years, um, the calendars will line up exactly again almost. So your birthday, your 19th birthday, your Hebrew and English birthday are on the same day again. Right. Okay. Whereas like it every like that's why it shifts, and that's why like sometimes Khanukkah is in November and sometimes Khanukkah is at Christmas, right? Because we have like it's always kind of shifting around. That's the 19-year cycle. Within those 19 years of like one sort of full cycle, seven years out of the 19 will have will be a leap year. I have it written down. Years three, six, eight, eleven, fourteen, seventeen, nineteen. Like, I and again, this is like if you go to the Wikipedia page for the Jewish calendar, it will give you like mathematical equations for certain things to figure certain things. Like, this stuff is like a bit cooked.
SPEAKER_00:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:And so, like, I'm giving you the bare bones of like what most lay people need to know to like function as. But all you have to know is that every so often it'll be a leap year, and there's an extra month. It's called Adar Shaney, or the second Adar. Aadar is the month um where Purim occurs. Um, and if that happens, then I'm pretty yeah, so like everything um that would happen in Aadar, like Purim, happens in the second one. It gets like pushed. I think you can quote me on that.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I identify as a lay person, and I really don't think I needed to know all of that.
SPEAKER_01:All you need to know is that like you have a leap month every every so often in order to keep the lunar year aligned with the solar like seasonal calendar. Okay. That's what this means.
SPEAKER_00:My girlfriend and the lesbian community at large. She loves the moon. I was gonna say would be disappointed with me if I don't ask how this affects astrology in general. Like, do Jews have their own astrology then?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Like there's Jewish zodiac. I don't know anything about it. That's a bit like into the Kabbalah stuff. That's like not my realm.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, good.
SPEAKER_01:Um no, but there's like different like Jewish astrology. I sh I just like I owe not knowing about like I know enough about other things. I don't need this too. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Um lay person vibes, I like it. But um, yeah, the the I like like the moon and the sun, it's pretty cool stuff.
SPEAKER_00:I also like the moon and the sun. Which brings us to our next Wait, can I actually say my favorite thing?
SPEAKER_01:Yes. One of my favorite things about Judaism. I was thinking about this the other day.
SPEAKER_00:I thought you were gonna say your favorite thing about me, but okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:This podcast is about Jews. Yeah, sorry. And apparently we don't have trust andor rapport yet. So, like Jews love the moon. And um once a month we like we like pray at the moon. We like bless the Jews Jews like once a month on a Saturday night, we'll go outside and like look at the new moon and like say this blessing. And I think it's so sweet.
SPEAKER_03:But like beautiful.
SPEAKER_01:We've always just loved experiential ed. Of like, you know, like we like the moon's there, we should go and look at it while we're praying at it. That is wonderful. And it's really cute. I just think it's really sweetie pie.
SPEAKER_00:And next episode we'll be talking more about that, I believe, with Rosh Chodesh.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. If you have any other questions about it, back to us ashamed at the Jewishindependent.com.au. They should change it to ashamed at the gin dependent. Stop confusing our viewers and listeners. All right, our next question came from one of your followers and they wanted you to talk to Bal Tashkit. Am I pronouncing that correctly? Sure.
SPEAKER_01:I would say Baltashchit, but like Say it again. Baltashchit, but I have a lazy palate. So like I'm not necessarily pronouncing it right. I'm just pronouncing it the way that I have always pronounced it.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um Baltashkit is really interesting because I would say it it hasn't like super mattered for quite a while because the original obligation was about times of war. Um, but it's it's had a resurgence because of how it can translate to living a sustainable modern life. What is it? Okay, so Baltashkit is a um uh commandment that's given in the Torah, in like the last book of the Torah. And it's about um when you're at war. Do you want to actually read part of the Torah right now? Sure. Okay, so this paragraph, it starts when in your the the italicized. Oh okay. Put on your best Torah, put that Torah ASMR. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:When?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I hate it. Okay, no, when okay.
SPEAKER_00:When in your war against a city, you have to besiege it a long time in order to capture it. You must not destroy its trees, wielding the axe against them. You may eat of them, but you must not cut them down. Are trees of the field human to withdraw before you into the besieged city? Only trees that you know do not yield food may be destroyed. You may cut them down for constructing siege works against the city that is waging war on you until it has been reduced. Fantastic. Really good Torah voice. Thank you. And and by the way, that's called sight reading. Yeah, you hadn't read that before. Um I've never seen that before.
SPEAKER_01:So that's like the origins of Baltashkit, which is that like if you're going to war and it says like it's a it's a really long battle and you're trying to like capture a city or whatever, um, and maybe there's trees in your way, right? So you it would be easy to cut down the trees in order to like somehow siege the city. I know a lot of young men maybe get angry and like take out their frustrations. Like, if they're fruit-bearing trees, you can't cut them down for the sake of just winning a war. It's not a good enough reason, right? Because they have the potential to feed you. And they have all this potential, it's seen it's seen as needless waste within the context of war. And then it continues to say, like, if you're gonna use it for something, if you're using it to build weapons, right? It says, like, um constructing siege works against it. So if you're building it to make a shield or you're using a catapult or something like that, or like a spear, then it's fine because it's you're giving it extra use. But if it's just it's in your way, right, and then it also says, like, are the trees of the field human? Like, do they have a chance to run away? No, like they they're trees, they can't move. So you have to give them that because they have the ability to sustain people, you have to give them that certain level of dignity.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:And then the rabbis come along and they expand the parameters of like what is needless waste. And so they reference things like you can't like destroy your clothes if like, you know, there's like just rip your clothes for no reason, things like oil for lamps and lamp lighting, food waste, things like that. So it's things that are made to sustain us in different ways. You can't senselessly waste or like destroy them for no reason. For me, how that used to like apply to my life is that when we would do things like you know, youth group camps, sometimes it was a discussion of can you do an egg and spoon race, right? Unless it's a hard-boiled egg. If it drops, you can still eat it after, but like you otherwise you're wasting a perfectly good egg. You know what it's like things like that. Um, and then I think more recently it's it's gotten legs because we're living in such like a sustainability conscious world that it provides a Torah framework for how to approach wasteful living, right?
SPEAKER_00:And so like people have sort of vibed with it further. So here we were thinking that Jews were anti-waste because of the Holocaust.
SPEAKER_01:I think that plays into it. Yeah. But also there's like biblical commandment not to waste. Yeah. In sp in specific ways, right? Like the thing has benefit to me, therefore I shouldn't be careless with it. I think it's like it's about mindfulness of the things in our life that we're consuming. Also, that let us consume. Okay. And serve us in a way, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Don't ask me why my mind went from egg and spoon race to semen. But is this why? I think you found the thing I'm not qualified to talk about. But is this why boys aren't allowed to masturbate because it's wasted sperm?
SPEAKER_01:No, it's different. I don't know exactly the exact sort of commandments around it, but essentially you're not allowed to waste the potential for life, right? So part of one of our commandments is to be fruitful and multiply, pro or is what it's called. Right. Um, and so you can't um yeah, you can't like do anything to sort of like I guess damage your potential for life.
SPEAKER_00:All right.
SPEAKER_01:I would say is the answer.
SPEAKER_00:In what areas of your life does this come up? Do you semen? Not many. Not gonna lie to you, not many. Wasting stuff. Oh, wasting. Oh, I Are you a wasteral or are you big schnorra?
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, I'm pretty like down the line, I'd say. Sometimes I get lazy with things like recycling. Um, but we have like a um a compost bin now. Yeah. I like to hold on to things. I've been really good, and I think this is plays into like sort of the modern use of it. I'm getting better at buying better quality things that will last me a while rather than like Kmart t-shirts.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know. So spend a little bit more on something good. That'll last a while. On this whole topic, Bal Tash Kit, which I've never said before today. You're doing really good though. Thank you so much. It's amazing. I'm building rapport and trust. It is Bal Tashit is a huge part of my life. I've now realized one of the main reasons why I got divorced. Interesting.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, talk about it on air. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:There are some things I can talk about on air and some I can't. So my ex and I used to fight all the time about wasting waste because I used to feel so personally offended when he would get a tissue to wipe his nose and then not even blow it, wipe it and then throw it out. Interesting. And I would say, Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. You first of all, there are four corners to that tissue, and you have to blow in each corner. I'm looking over at Shoshana's wife's sky to see the expression on her face. She's looking at me like I'm cuckoo banana pants.
SPEAKER_01:I would say I'm not a psychologist. I would say that's more Holocaust drama than Baltashkit. I reckon? I think that's more like internalized Jewish neuroses of like my resources are limited, rather than like respect the things that are serving me in my life. Ah, okay. Alright, cool. So not a psychologist, like for if for you, Baltashkit is about using all four corners of a tissue and that is enriching your Jewish life and your meaning in this world, then like go for it. Don't let me tell you it's just about the Holocaust, you know.
SPEAKER_00:It's also about eating your leftovers. Yeah, that I get. Don't throw out leftovers. Perfectly good leftovers. Again, such a fine line between Holocaust and Boldwash. Before we move on to our last rapid fire question, I do need to share for those of you listening and and watching and who are heavily invested in my divorce and my relationship status now. One of the ways that I did win over my my girlfriend on hinge was one of my prompts was your irrational fear. And I wrote that you'll throw out perfectly good leftovers. And she loved that one. That was like, yeah. We we really connected over that. We're both quite passionate about it.
SPEAKER_01:It's interesting, because the thing that I messaged Skye about first, Sky, my wife, by the way, yeah. On um Hinge About was she posted that like her toast like of choice, peanut butter with cherry tomatoes. And I said, Hey, what the fuck is that? Uh like what's wrong with you? Oh, that's a great way to- And now we're married. I was gonna say, that's a great way to build trust and rapport. I didn't quite say that, but that was the sentiment behind it. And then you know what? Like, I like she eats that all the time.
SPEAKER_00:Fun fact, I have peanut anaphylaxis.
SPEAKER_01:Which is so Jewish. I know, so embarrassing. Like Jewish. Okay. There is something also about having anaphylaxis as like a grown adult. But I'm like, it's such a like a child's disease. It is. You know?
SPEAKER_00:It's like just like how do you fly? Says the person wearing pants that were modelled off a 16-year-old.
SPEAKER_01:These are very cool pants. I actually am interested in how you fly anywhere with anaphylaxis for nuts.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I thought you meant like how you fly.
SPEAKER_01:How do you get on an airplane in like a tin can surrounded by nut snacks? How do you do that?
SPEAKER_00:A lot of them have gotten rid of peanuts because they're a Is it just peanuts? Yes. Okay. Yeah, I eat tree nuts all the time.
SPEAKER_01:I know tree nuts are it. That rhymed with peanut.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I didn't. It's a thing. No, I know, I know. It's just funny. Did you know that peanuts are a legume? Yes, I did know that. How?
SPEAKER_01:My friend Meryl is allergic to peanuts and tree nuts. Both. And sesame and cats. Is she and Dustandander? Is she an Ashkenazi Jew? She's like 100% like Hungarian. Like I'm like, I don't think anyone's ever seen stats that high and pure Ashkenaz.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. As my girlfriend would say, she has her master's in nebishness. Yeah, literally. Yeah. Yeah. PhD. Love you, Meryl. Our third rapid fire. Yeah. Yibum and Khalitza. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:She just says yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, cool. Okay. It's a thing she says.
SPEAKER_01:Dislike came up because a lot of people always ask the question of is Judaism feminist? Right? And it's kind of like they want it to be a catch-out because they want the answer to either be like yes somehow, or no, and actually it hates women. And I think that Yibum and Khalitz is a perfect example of like ancient Israel and like the Torah weren't feminist by today's standards. However, there are lots of really interesting like mechanisms of law that do protect women in different ways. And Yibum is one of them. So Yibum is as follows. Let's say, um I'm gonna use like you, but like uh it's like not so nice to like for the hypothetical, but just because it's easier. Yeah, you can't say that. Let's say you are living and you are married to a man and you don't have any kids with this man, okay, and then he dies. Very sad. Very sad. But sad for the different reasons. Number one, you don't have any children with him. Number two, he has no one to continue his name in this world, right? Which is a big thing for men.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Number three, um, you don't have anyone who is providing for you anymore, right? Marriage is a is an economic function for women back in the day. So you have no one who's providing for you. You have no kids who will eventually provide for you either. What do you do? The answer is, and I found out during research uh very recently that this actually happened all over the ancient Near East. This wasn't just um in Israel and with Jewish people. Um, but the answer is is you marry your dead husband's brother. Okay. And who's single? Who is uh well, yeah. Because we're a little bit poly. I think it's who does no, who has children. So it could be like you become his second wife. Ah um actually that's not true. It could it could either be a married or an unmarried brother. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um and what happens is the first child you have in that union is like named for your dead husband. Okay. Um and what it does, it means is that you stay in the family, so you stay protected in terms like financially, but also socially, right? You're not a widow anymore. Um, you have a child, and also your husband has someone who's like your sorry, dead husband has someone who's like his name is carried now into the world. Um, and I think it's just I think it's fascinating. I think it's so interesting. But the question is, is like, how can you say that this protects women if they're forced to marry uh uh like their brother-in-law? Yes, right. And the answer is that they're not, they're not forced to do it, right? Because we call this it's yiboom, which is that that leveret marriage is what it's called. What marriage? Leveret.
SPEAKER_00:Leverit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think lever is like um Latin for brother. Okay, or something along those lines. Anyway, so that's what yibum is, and then chalitza is the mechanism to get out of doing that if you or the brother-in-law don't want to do it. Right. Um so it it's like this whole long process of like public humiliation. It involves a shoe and spitting on the ground. Like you take the shoe off your foot and you spit on the ground, and like the um, I think the woman like declares and like shames the man of like, you don't want to do this for me or your brother, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Um, and then he says something back, and then like it's dissolved and it's fine, and like they can go on and live their own separate lives. Do they have to shame each other? Like, is it like the roast of? I've been reading a bit about it, and I think it's supposed to be this public declaration in front of like, you know, a set number of Jewish, like the council, essentially. Um but I I a lot of people seem to say that the shame aspect is supposed to like you know, if two people experiencing like they experience something really embarrassing together and then you can't be friends anymore because you always think of that really embarrassing thing. Okay, you associate it with Yeah, like if you like pooed your pants in public and you're with a friend, like I don't think you could ever see that friend again.
SPEAKER_00:You've brought up something perfectly for me is very no, it's just very I find it a very bonding experience.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so for the most part, okay. I would say the average Joe. Okay, um, maybe that would be something embarrassing for them. Like if you pooed your pants in front of your friend and you didn't want to be friends with them anymore, because you just think about the time you pooed. Okay. Right? So like the act of shaming them in public, like emotionally like it severs the emotional bonds that they might have. Okay. Um to the point of like they don't want to associate with each other.
SPEAKER_00:I would have thought that if something embarrassing happens to you with someone else, that that would help build trust and rapport with that person.
SPEAKER_01:I think there's a difference between like embarrassing, like sh like proper like emotional shame.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay. Right?
SPEAKER_01:Like you're really like laying it on thick of like you are not, like you are letting the memory of your brother die, and you're not helping this like poor, defenseless widow kind of. Because also the other thing I think the added layer is that in ancient Israel and like still today, um, Jewish people are commanded to help the less fortunate, and like kind of like the orphan, the widow, and the convert are like that group of three that you are morally obligated to help within your community. So not only are you like sort of shirking familial obligation by doing that, you're also like it's like it's a broader communal moral obligation to help the widow. Um, and so like I think it plays into that as well. Today, contemporarily, it's not actually practiced. However, if you go back a couple generations, it still was practiced. And I know that for a fact, because and this is like a jump around. My cousin's wife, her name is Ariella. I love her, she's so good, she makes the best Kugel in the world. Anyway, her grandmother is the product of a year-born marriage. Wow. So her great-grandmother um was widowed young and had no children, married her brother-in-law, and they have like 13 kids from that marriage, and one of them is um my well, my cousin's wife's grandmother.
SPEAKER_00:Amazing.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, it's not really practiced anymore.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but anyway, fun fact.
SPEAKER_00:Which is a relief. That is not practiced.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, some communities will still do the Chalitza ceremony. In fact, actually, shout out, because you said we could do shout-outs last episode. Shout out to the Hallmark channel, who in the early 2000s released a film called Loving Leia, which is about um uh like some doctor, like a secular doctor who is like about to perform Chalitza for his dead ultra-orthodox brother's wife or widow, and then he gets shed like he's too guilty because she's saying all of these things, and they get married, and like he takes care of her, and it's like a platonic marriage, but then they fall in love a bit.
SPEAKER_00:Anyway, um and that's all about Yiboman Chalitz. I am ashamed to admit that I was about to ask if this was a documentary. I completely forgot the hallmark movie.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, it's a hallmark movie. Okay. It's also, and I know this because I looked it up because it's on my to-watch list again. It's all on YouTube. Okay. Watch the whole thing.
SPEAKER_00:Shout out to YouTube. I was going to say it's where you should be so grateful that this is no longer practice because if, God forbid, your wife died, then you would can't say that because she'll cry thinking about it. Then she's a very emotional person. I'm looking over to her now. She has some siblings for you to choose from. I think I will take the shoe option from it's a no thank you option. Is that because the siblings are male and under the age of 16? Yes. In fact, both of those things. Both of them are male and under the age of 16. However, they would have some great gene choices for you to model your fashion off.
SPEAKER_01:So You're so hung up on the fact that I took fashion advice from a 16-year-old boy who, by the way, has good I'm never gonna tell him to his face. Okay. But he does have good fashion.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and you know what? It's a pair of black pants. And if I can't wear a pair of black pants in Albanese, Australia without getting flacked for it, then I don't know if this is a place I want to live.
SPEAKER_00:Off she goes, to Babylonia.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Alright, so before we wrap up today's episode, it's time to play. Shame or no shame. Name still pending. Name still pending. Today's screenshot comes from a group we are not allowed to mention.
SPEAKER_01:We're not allowed to mention it. This is one of my favorite groups on the whole internet. I regularly scroll through this group for um when I'm sad, it makes me feel better. Okay. When I'm too happy, it makes me a bit depressed.
SPEAKER_00:Alright, so you've got to find that sweet spot. Yeah. So we can't say the group, we but it's like I refuse to get kicked out of the group. But geographically, is it Australian? Based primarily in America, but also it has people from all over the world. Okay. Jews. So it was started in the United States and it's got to assume, yeah. Jews all over the world, female predominantly. Yeah. Or exclusively. Exclusively. Okay. So this person who wasn't even anonymous.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Put their name crazy. Writes. It's an advice group. Yeah. She writes, female masturbation with a buzz buzz on shabbat. Is it halakhically permissible?
SPEAKER_01:Well, you have to also say she has censored the word masturbation. It's M star Sturbstar.
SPEAKER_00:She has not censored her name. No, but she's not. She censored the word. It's so funny. It's so good. This came, this popped up in a group. Someone screenshotted it from the Facebook group, put it in a WhatsApp group, and someone else in that group replied, she's looking forward to Shabuzz. It's pretty good. Pretty good, right? Yeah. Well done.
SPEAKER_01:Well done, anonymized friend. The answer is like, I don't think it is, because buzz buzzers are, you know, famously electric. Um and also battery powered. Yeah, like you can't unless you're leaving it on all of Shabaz. Like you've got really strong batteries, and you it's like you turn it on before Shabazz, like a light. And then just keep it on, and you keep it on for all of Shabazz. Then maybe. And then also you use your left hand because like that's also a thing of like, you know, like you can't use your predominant hand because then it's it's not allowed. I'm thinking there are ways to get around this for your Shabazz pleasures. So you don't think that this person's taking the pierce and trolling? Oh no, I think that absolutely this was born out of like a hypothetical conversation they've had, and they want to figure out like what are the ways that it might be permissible. Brilliant. Yeah. It's honestly it's innovative. This is what the Talmud is about. Genuinely. Yeah, I know. That's it for today's show. You've been watching slash listening to, ashamed to admit, with Tammy Sossman and me, Shoshana Gottlieb Becker.
SPEAKER_00:This episode was recorded at Storytellers and is brought to you by the Jewish Independent. Don't make me say it. Say it. The Jinder Pendant. The vocalist in our theme song is Saria L. More credits in the show notes.
SPEAKER_01:And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it around and give it a positive review. Thank you so much, and see you next week. Bye.