Episode 9: Unlocking the Art of Authentic Networking: Beyond Business Cards and Sweaty Palms

Ever found yourself at a networking event, palms sweaty, trying to strike up a conversation? I've certainly been there, and in this podcast, I, Shawn, break down those barriers and guide you through the real essence of networking. It's not just about swapping business cards; it's about creating and nurturing genuine connections that can spark career opportunities, personal growth, and even cultural enlightenment. We dispel some common networking myths, revealing why it's not about quick wins or confined to stiff conference rooms. Join me as I pull back the curtain on the emotional intricacies of networking, sharing my personal battle with networking anxieties and the strategies I've adopted to conquer them.

This journey through the networking landscape doesn't stop at overcoming fears. We'll explore the deeply ingrained nature of human interactions, pondering whether our actions are shaped more by our intrinsic qualities or the scenarios we find ourselves in. I'll let you in on my approach to forming meaningful connections in unexpected places, like that time at the ballet where I reached out to my now-mentor. Through tales of resilience and the encouragement of a growth mindset, I underline the significance of persistence in building relationships. We'll also dissect the skills of active listening and body language interpretation, essential tools for anyone looking to forge authentic bonds. So perk up those ears and prepare to transform how you connect with the world around you.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome back to Full Circle with Sean. I'm your host, sean, and, as promised, today we're talking about networking. So let's start with what is networking? So networking is building relationships, right, and it's growing those networks. So it's not just about going and meeting someone, it's about the ability to build and maintain relationships over time, and it's true for both personal and professional life. So, yeah, what do we use networking for? Well, in our professional life, we use it for career advancement, so it's seen as a key factor in career growth.

Speaker 1: 0:39

Through networking, individuals gain access to, say, job opportunities, industry insights, mentorships and collaboration. And we use it in our personal life for growth, right. So networking can contribute to personal growth by exposing individuals to diverse perspectives, and I think I touched on this in the last one is our perspectives, our pre-conceived ideas that we have, that we all have in our heads from how we grew up or the things that we've went through in life, or different people that we've met, are not always right, they're not always real, they're just a view from experience or from training. Like our parents taught us something, or our parents had their opinions and, and sometimes we, we believe in those because when you, when you're growing up and you taught something a lot of times. You, you believe it for forever and it's about challenging that. So, yeah, and you do that through getting diverse perspectives from different individuals, cultures, skill sets, and then it can help to build your social skills, increase your confidence and foster a deeper understanding of different cultures and communities. And then we use it for resource sharing, which can be both in personal and professional settings. Networks can be a valuable source of support and resources, and this can range from advice and information to physical or financial help in times of need. So what are? And we'll go through those in a bit more detail soon.

Speaker 1: 2:18

But what are some of the misconceptions of networking? And that's where we all get stuck right. So we think, ah, we go to a networking event. We're where we all get stuck right. So we think, ah, we go to a networking event, we're going to get instant results. Right, and a common misconception is that networking provides immediate benefits. In reality, the advantages of networking are all too often long-term, so relationships can be formed and then they need to be nurtured over time before they yield any opportunities.

Speaker 1: 2:47

Another misconception is they're self-serving. Some people view networking with skepticism. You know that people. They're in a networking event or as they network, they're just manipulative or self-serving. And in reality it's about reciprocal relationships where both parties benefit. It's that win-win right and that's how you win in business when you have a win-win, because everybody wants to win right. So it's not just about extracting value from your networks or, as you go, no-transcript, and it's only relevant for professional advancement. And while it can be important in career context, networking is also valuable in personal life, helping to build friendships and even community ties.

Speaker 1: 4:05

And then some people think that networking only happens in formal settings, and in reality network isn't confined to business events or professional settings. It can really happen anywhere, from a social gathering to even online platforms, which is kind of where we are today, right? In fact, networking can be as simple as striking up a conversation in a very casual setting, and that's happened to me many, many times. So let's talk a little bit now about emotions around networking, right? So emotions, importance. Networking is often emphasized as essential, right it's? You have to do it and if you don't do it, you're not going to succeed, which can make it seem daunting or overwhelming, especially to those who are new to it or more introverted, as we just talked about Pain it can feel, sometimes forced or artificial, particularly at large networking events, where the pressure to make connections can lead to really awkward interactions and y'all know what I'm talking about and then fear. Many people are scared of rejection or feel anxious about making a poor impression which can deter them from attempting to network or getting in the you know going, even going to an event, but sitting in the corner. And if we start to look at these things and understand these conceptions and misconceptions, we can help ourselves, because that's what we do, right, we need to reflect on those things and we need to understand it ourselves in order to help ourselves and become more relaxed and productive and recognize the potential benefits without being overwhelmed by the challenges the potential benefits without being overwhelmed by the challenges. So let's go to an example.

Speaker 1: 5:53

I was challenged by who's now my CEO at my company to go to BNI, which is business networking group, and I joined. Well, first I went as a guest and you get like 30 seconds I think it was 30 seconds to say something about your business or why you're there, and I was sweating and I was just just off right, because all these new people looking at me and I'm new to business and I'm just like, yeah, what's going on here? So what he taught me and this is where it's important to get a good mentor that's been in the situations that you want to be in is he taught me that you go and you write notes right, so you write a little bit of notes, but it's not just about the notes, you practice. So I would do my 30 second practice after I joined. I would do my 30 second practice all the time, like this is what I'm going to say and this is how I'm going to say it and this is what I'm going to pitch for.

Speaker 1: 6:55

If, within the group, I'm trying to do something or raise something, and it's not about, you know, getting more from the people in the group, it's, you know, you're always what one or two connections off the person you really want to talk to. So you want to motivate them to go and talk to the people that you want to talk to, to get that connection, or even ask for that connection during your 30 seconds, because if they know, then if they don't know how they they going to introduce you to the people that they know need what you're offering. So that's, and then it's hard and it was really hard. It took a long time and even toward the end of my membership there it was still. It was better, but it was still. It's still hard, right, guests came in and then you get the little butterflies again in and then you get the little butterflies again.

Speaker 1: 7:46

But what we also did is you would meet up with one or two members a week outside of the networking group. You'd go have a coffee and talk and get to know them, and that's the whole point of fostering these relationships. And then you would also find out who you connected really well with, not just who would benefit you or you would benefit them, it's who you connected well with. And then you would build those relationships, maintain those relationships. A lot of people. I know that those relationships turn into personal relationships as well. So the CEO he actually goes out with four or five people that have been in BNI for a long time and he's recently got out of BNI, but I think he was in it for 15 years, maybe. It's a. It is a really big benefit.

Speaker 1: 8:24

Now, what's what's really funny is when I was at the BNI, I didn't get a lot of a lot of work right. I did. I did websites when I was there and I didn't get a ton of work because I did more high-end websites ton of work because I did more high-end websites and I was doing a training. So they put you to a training class and you go to this training class and in the training class was a member that's been a member for a long time but retaking the training, and I struck up a conversation and she told me her frustrations around who she's been using for some of her clients and I said you can give us a punt, give us a chance. And we formed a relationship to where we talked every once in a while and I gave her advice well, tell them to do this. If this isn't working, tell them to try this. And eventually she got so frustrated with them she came to me and maybe six months later, right, and I started getting a lot of work and a lot of work and that actually helped take off my company from a conversation at a training event not even where, where I was.

Speaker 1: 9:32

So you, you got to look at where you connect with people period, not just, not just an official. I was a member, part of that group, but I was actually at a training thing and she wasn't even in my BNI. So yeah, and I guess that happens a lot of places I've been to a football game and I was sitting next to somebody and I was talking to my friend and he said, oh, you do what and little did. I know that he was in that space and a couple business cards exchanged later, some friendly conversations, and yeah, you just never know what's going to happen. And that also goes to make sure you're always doing the right thing, right, because it can go the opposite way. If you are out there at a football game and you're talking about what, what you do with your friend, and somebody around you is like, yeah, that's cool thinking about it, oh, yeah, I could use them, or actually know this company, I know somebody in the company, and then you go and get hammered and cause a scene. Well, what does that say about you? Right? So you're you always. You always do the right thing.

Speaker 1: 10:43

Anyways, I think when I got my first car for the company so I used to drive uh, when I first came here I didn't have a lot of money, so I got a car. It was a really old car. Um, not a fancy old car, just a really beat up old little blue four-door car right and I think it was 500 bucks. I used to break down all the time on the freeway. I actually got pulled over once. I had like six computers in the back because I was doing a transfer for a company from one building to another, all their it gear and it was pushing down on the shock so bad that the cops pulled me over. Yeah, that happens. And so I got my first actual nice car. It was a Nissan Tita, it's a nice, take nice for what you want, and I got it branded right.

Speaker 1: 11:33

And then I was driving some people around and they put down the window and they're like, yay, or they were, you know, doing whatever. I think I was driving them back from a football game or something. They were had a couple of drinks and they had a couple of drinks not me, never drink and drive and um, and I got really upset and I'm like, when you're in this car, you represent this company and I understand you're not part of this company, but you need to respect that. I put a lot of work into this company and you don't act like that. And that's my mentality in life, though. Right Is, do the right thing. Everybody's always watching you and really, if you feel the need to do the wrong thing anyways, or go nuts, then you might need to take a reflection on where you are in life anyways. Then you might need to take a reflection on where you are in life anyways, right, because there's a difference in I'm having fun in my life than I am having fun at the expense of others, and that's where we need to reflect.

Speaker 1: 12:35

You know, it's like religion, too, right, and so now I'm off tangent, but I'll just say it In religion, it's perfectly fine to be whatever religion that you want to be. You can worship anything, anybody don't care. But if your personal beliefs are affecting other people or you're pushing it onto them and they don't want it, that's where the line is drawn and that should be about all of life, not just religion, business, personal opinions. You know we all have opinions, right, but that doesn't mean that my opinion is better than your opinion, because they're opinions, they're not facts, and we get wrapped up in that too right, and then we get really angry or we blow up at somebody, and sometimes we need to take a step back. Look at why somebody has that opinion, how is it formed and is it even worth having the conversation? Is it worth respecting their opinion Because we should really respect each other's opinion or is it something that you want to try to change? And there are ways to change people's opinion, and it's definitely not with being a jerk.

Speaker 1: 13:51

So, anyways, back to networking. Well, those kind of skills, though, if you do reflect on that stuff and you learn that kind of stuff, then you will do better at networking, because networking is about listening and it isn't about confrontation. Sure, there is some confrontation, you're always going to have some confrontation, but it's how you deal with that confrontation. I think, if you look at my childhood, right, so I had a big fight once with a kid at school, and after the fight, he became my best friend for years, right, it's sometimes confrontation can lead to really great things if you do it in a way that you can get out of it. So it was a fight, but it was more like a swing, and it was me understanding to a point where he was at, me understanding to a point where he was at, and then having that talk and getting beat up a little bit probably. But yeah, it got through it and we ended up becoming best friends, and it's funny how you can turn things around.

Speaker 1: 15:00

Or even if it's not your fault, it doesn't mean that you have to be the one that's the jerk about it. You know, somebody comes up and says in business that your product is rubbish Awesome, thank you so much for enlightening me. Now, can you tell me why it's rubbish? Because they're preconceptions of your product or they've used your product and maybe it was an older version or there are some bugs in your product. I mean, I don't know a product out there that doesn't have a bug in a certain circumstance, right? So it's not that their opinions are wrong. They could be skewed. They could have sat down with your competitor and the competitor told them how bad your product was. And they're a friend of that competitor, like a best friend. They go out all the time and so they just want to be mean. And some people are just going to be mean.

Speaker 1: 15:53

I actually go through a phase every once in a while where people are naturally good and very few people are bad. And then I'll go through a couple people where I just try to reflect and I can't understand why people do certain things and that's why I don't watch the news that much and then I'm like are people bad? Then most people are bad, but I do think that everybody in a different situation will do a different thing, and it's trying to understand why or trying to lead them to do something more along the lines of what you'd like if you do it right. So that's. Oh geez, I went really off topic there, so okay, so back to networking. So networking is is super important, right, and we should always be looking to expand our network. We should always be looking to expand our perspective and we should practice.

Speaker 1: 17:01

So play the scenario out in your head Okay, you're going to go to a ballet, right? A ballet that's a great thing to choose, because I've never been to a ballet, but I'll give it a go. So you're going to go to a ballet, right? A ballet that's a great thing to choose, because I've never been to a ballet, but I'll give it a go. So you're going to go to a ballet and there's after drinks and everything, and you know there's somebody you want to talk to. There's somebody there that you respect, that you'd like if you want to be where they are someday, or like they are someday in some aspect of your life, and you respect them and you would love to go and talk to them. So practice, play it out. Play it out a million times. This is what I'm going to say. This is maybe some of their responses. How am I going to deal with it if they say this? What if they just brush me off? It's okay, play it out and practice and then, when you go for it, go for it, because it's not the end of the world if your networking attempts fail.

Speaker 1: 17:59

Remember that people are in their own places in life too, and maybe that person is looking for a mentor that happens to be there or wants to connect with someone, but it doesn't matter. You gave it a go and in most cases it'll work. You'll form some kind of a relationship to start with and obviously, an acquaintance a casual acquaintance. You just met them. Hopefully you can switch business cards or set up a coffee meeting or just you know. I'd love to pick your brain on something. You know how many people that I have approached. There's actually one recently that I approached that I have a lot of respect for and I know that him and his company could do great things for my company, but I also know that they're not really in our space, but I respect what they've done in business and I just wanted to talk to them. So I sent a whole lot of LinkedIn messages until I finally got a meeting with them and it is exactly what I thought. They're not interested in our company at this moment, but they gave me the advice that I asked for and we've had several conversations afterwards, or at least in emails, where they've given me more advice.

Speaker 1: 19:14

But that was my goal. My goal was to form a relationship with somebody I respect in a place that I'm not, and I don't have somebody at that level anywhere in my life that I can use as a sounding board or ask advice from, because sometimes I feel out of my depth on certain things. And then there's a whole bunch of people I've reached out to that have never come back to me and have never given me the time of day yet, and that's fine, that's perfectly fine when they are in their life and where I am in my life. Maybe they're not ready to mentor someone like me yet into that next level, but you know I will keep pushing. And that really goes back to your growth mindset that we talked about last time and persistence, but not stalking Persistence and I could give you a million other things that have happened in my life where I was either at the right place at the right time, or I just opened my mouth right or I listened right and understood what somebody was saying, because it's not just about listening, it's about reflecting on what they're saying, and I guess there's a whole arc to that right. So and I think there's a lot of YouTube videos that go over body language and active listening Active listening is a skill set that is difficult, but you can learn it.

Speaker 1: 20:38

And with active listening comes better relationships, because you get deeper understanding of what people are thinking and in more of a real time and more of a, and then you can dig into that and you can. You can start to understand people, and that's that's the real key If you want to build good relationships is understanding. But hey, we can talk about relationships and network building forever, but that, that's the, that's the overall, and that'll be enough for today. So in the next episode we'll be discussing leadership, and maybe you're a leader in the military, maybe you're a leader in a business, maybe you're a leader in your family or a leader of a friend group. You know there's lots of types of leaders and let's just go through some of the good, the bad and the ugly with leadership and yeah, so I look forward to chatting with you next week and thank you again for joining me on Full Circle with Sean.