076. Nobody Wants Your Stuff: Why You Can’t Declutter Your House

Why is decluttering so hard even when you know you’re ready to do it?

In this tough-love episode, I walk you through the top 10 excuses that keep us stuck in clutter. From “I don’t have time” to “but it was expensive” to “it’s organized chaos,” I break each one down with research and stories, then shares the mindset shifts you can use to finally move forward.

You’ll hear:

• The most common excuses we use to avoid decluttering
• Why those excuses don’t hold up (backed by research)
• The new beliefs you can adopt to make decluttering possible
• How to create a calmer, more intentional home without guilt or overwhelm

Remember: Beautiful Living isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being choosy, intentional, and free.

📌 Download my Keep or Release Test → https://fireflybridge.com/thetest

📚 Research & resources mentioned in this episode → 

• We make time for what matters. The American Time Use Survey shows that people prioritize what they value most — so “no time” often means “not a priority yet.”
  👉 Read the survey
• Why we hold onto “someday” clothes. Psychologists call it projection bias: we overestimate how similar our future self will be to our current self. That’s why we keep jeans that don’t fit.
  👉 Read the study (PDF)
• Your future self feels like a stranger. Research shows we treat “future us” like a different person — which makes it easy to stash things “for later.”
  👉 Read more
• Clutter hurts your well-being. Studies link clutter with lower life satisfaction and less joy at home.
  👉 Study summary
• Why “but it was expensive!” keeps us stuck. The sunk cost fallacy makes us cling to bad investments — even when they don’t serve us anymore.
  👉 Original research
• Why we keep Aunt Maggie’s quilt. Studies show it’s not gratitude, but a sense of indebtedness, that makes us keep gifts we don’t actually want.
  👉 Gift-giving study
  👉 Gratitude & guilt study
• Clutter really does stress you out. Women who described their homes as cluttered had higher stress hormone patterns and worse moods across the day.
  👉 Read the study
• Selling clutter usually isn’t worth it. Most stuff nets pennies per hour after effort.
  👉 NYT article
• Your brain hates visual clutter. A Yale study found that messy visual environments literally change how your brai

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Transcript

I have a story to tell you. Now to really get the feel of this story, you’re going to have to imagine sad, sappy violin music in the background, ok?
All right. Jane is a wife, has two kids and a dog named Spot. She works full time. She and her family have lived in their house for 10 years, in a great neighborhood. But every day, when she comes home from work, her heart sinks.
She sees piles on the kitchen counters. Laundry stacked on the “laundry couch.” Toys in every corner. There’s something smelly in the fridge. She changes out of her work clothes, but the closet is so packed she has nowhere to hang them. The hamper is already full. She’s late starting dinner, again, and why is she the only one responsible for dinner anyway? Well, the tears stream down her cheeks because she has no time for herself. 

OK, let’s stop. Because that’s a dreary picture. And maybe you see yourself a little bit in Jane. But I know you don’t want dreary. You want to declutter. You say you’re ready.
So why is it so hard to actually do it?
Well that’s what we’re breaking down today. First, the excuses that keep you stuck. Then, the science that explains why those excuses don’t hold up. And finally, the mindset shifts that make decluttering possible so you can finally have a home that you love.
Welcome to Organizing for Beautiful Living with Zee Siman, The Choosy Organizer.
This podcast is for women who are done organizing everything and ready to be choosy — about what matters, what’s enough, and what can wait.

Because Beautiful Living starts with a little less stress and a lot more intention.

Ready to get beautifully organized? Let’s make it happen!

Now Jane is a totally fictional character, but how often do we tell ourselves we don’t have time? We don’t have time to exercise, to eat well, to spend with our families, to work, or to declutter our messes? A lot, right?

Well sometimes that’s an excuse we’re making. Intentionally or not, we tell ourselves that we’re doing everything, we’ve got so much going on that we don’t have time to think!

I’ve found that noticing when I make excuses to myself, well it’s hard! I’m embarrassed at myself at first, sure, but over time, just noticing and being clear with myself that this is an excuse to avoid decluttering my house, over time, I was able to get rid of the excuses, and instead make intentional decisions.

Like, I’m not decluttering right now because I’m opting to sit on my couch and have a handful of Sour Patch Kids, ok? Yes, the clutter will be there, but I’m doing this right now.

  
So I want to bring up the top 10 excuses that you’re telling yourself that are keeping you stuck. And then, I’m going to tell you why you can stop telling yourself that excuse, backed by some experts. So let’s get into it.
Excuse Number 1. “I don’t have time.”
OK, so in my younger days, and I am not proud of this, I used to call out my family members all the time about this. Like they would say something like, “My house, my room, my office is such a mess! But I just don’t have the time to declutter. I get home from work, I’m exhausted, we have dinner, we do homework, and then there’s bathtime and bedtime.”
And I would say something snippy like, “Oh really? But you still have time to watch 4 episodes of that junky tv show and scroll social media for 2 hours?”
OK, so I never say things like that to anyone anymore because it doesn’t help or serve anyone to put them on the defensive by insulting them. 
But I do explain the tough truth: it’s not about actual time that you don’t have. It’s about priority. There was a survey done, The American Time Use Survey, that shows that people consistently make time for what aligns with their values. If decluttering isn’t getting your time, it’s because it’s not a priority for you. Yet.
What you choose to do with your time says a lot about how you’re feeling about your situation and where your values lie right now, at this moment in your life, ok? 
So if decluttering isn’t your priority right now, that’s ok, but I will urge you to be honest with yourself because that will alleviate some of your stress and negative self-talk. 
Go ahead and tell yourself that you’ve got other priorities at the moment, name them, name what’s more important to you right now. 
Is it your kids? Your mental health? Your relationship with your spouse?
And now, put decluttering in the mix. Where does it fall now on your list of priorities? How do you see decluttering helping to take care of some of those other things on your list?
Would decluttering maybe help to improve your relationship with your spouse? Or would it help to create a calmer environment for your kids so that they can focus better?
Excuse number 2. “I’m going to lose the weight.”
Oh man, this is a big one, for women, sure, but also for men. “I’m keeping these jeans because they’ll fit me again when I lose those 10 pounds, or when I’m a size 8 again.”
This is called projection bias. People systematically overestimate how similar their future preferences and abilities will be to their current ones. So in other words: we think “future me” will want the same things, will feel the same as we do now, or we’ll finally do the hard thing. But the research shows that we’re usually wrong.
So holding on to those jeans is betting on a future version of you that may never arrive. Losing those 10 pounds may not make you feel as good as you think, or that you’ll even like the way that those jeans look on you when you’re in that future.  It’s a better idea to live for the you that’s here today.

Excuse number 3. “I’m keeping it for my kids.”
You’re thinking: “I’m saving these baby clothes for when my daughter has her own kids someday.”
The problem is, we treat our future selves, and even our kids’ future lives, as if they’ll mirror ours right now. But researchers found that people actually treat their future selves almost like strangers, you guys. In other words, you don’t really think that future you is really you yet.
And because we don’t identify closely with that future us, well then there’s no urgency or accountability to do something for that person right now. So  it’s easier to say I’ll just hold onto this now, and I’ll let Future Me deal with it later.
Or I’ll let my kids make that decision later.
Your brain doesn’t experience the cost of not making that decluttering  decision today. You’re outsourcing the decision, and the mess, to this stranger called “future me.”
Well guess what. Your kids are going to have their own style and their own lives. They’re not going to want your clutter. 


Excuse 4. “That’s still good! It would be wasteful to get rid of it.”
This is the sunk cost fallacy. Psychologists showed that once we’ve invested money or effort on something, we will irrationally keep holding on, even when it no longer benefits us.
So you might find that you’ve collected 8 really good tool sets over the years. And I bring this up because it’s a true story, by the way, that I encountered just recently with a client. And you keep all 8 of them in various spots in your house because you’re saying to yourself that well, they’re still in perfect condition. They’re still all usable. It would be totally wasteful for me to get rid of any of them.
But here’s the twist: keeping unused stuff is also wasteful. It wastes your space, your energy, and your peace of mind.

Excuse number 5. “What if I need it someday?”
This is called anticipated regret. Researchers found that clutter reduces well-being in part because of the emotional attachments and the “what-if” thinking that we put on our stuff.
But, you know this, if you haven’t used it in years, you probably won’t. And if, you know, you do get rid of it and the very next day you do need it again, odds are you’ll buy it, borrow it, or you’ll improvise. You’ll find some other way to do what you need to get done without that particular thing.
I had a problem with kitchen gadgets for a while. I owned so many specific baking tools, and I didn’t even bake complex stuff! I had a pastry cutter, if you know what that is. It’s a little hand tool you use to mix really cold butter into flour to make pastry dough.
For a long time, I insisted on keeping it. Even though I much preferred to use my food processor to make a quick pastry dough because man, the manual pastry cutter is an arm workout and takes a long time! Using the food processor takes literally less than one minute.
But in my head, I was like, “What if my food processor dies, and I have to make a pie?”
Well first, that food processor is still alive and kicking, and second, I’d probably either not choose to make a pie that day, or I’d just use my fingers to cut the butter into the dough, right?
Excuse number 6. “Aunt Maggie gave that to me.”
Well, we have all been there, yeah? Keeping a gift out of guilt. Well research shows that when people give gifts, it’s not always about love. It’s often about indebtedness, believe it or not. 
Hey, remember that we’re telling ourselves the truth here, and that can be uncomfortable. Is it uncomfortable to hear that we often give gifts because we think we need to, instead of just wanting to out of pure love? Oh yeah.
But I told you that noticing when we’re making excuses to ourselves will ultimately have you making intentional decisions about what’s important to you. It’s all part of Beautiful Living, Thriving Daily by having good mental health. When you can name what’s important to you, and it aligns with your core, with your soul, your mental health improves, you guys.
OK, but getting back to keeping gifts out of guilt. That same feeling of indebtedness shows up for recipients, too. You feel like you owe it to Aunt Maggie to keep the gift forever.
But guilt doesn’t honor Aunt Maggie. Living well, being joyful, that’s what honors her.
You’re not being ungrateful by not accepting every gift that people give you, by the way. You can give that person your heartfelt gratitude and still let them know that the gift just wouldn’t be used well by you, or fully appreciated in your home.
Excuse 7. “I don’t have the energy.”
Here’s the paradox. Clutter itself drains your energy. You feel that, don’t you? Researchers found that women who described their homes as cluttered had more depressed moods across the day.
So just because you’re not actively thinking about the clutter doesn’t mean it’s just sitting there neutrally. It’s actively exhausting you. 
Remove your clutter, and your energy will grow.

Excuse number 8. “I’ll sell it on eBay, or on Facebook, or at a garage sale.”
Sounds good, right? But the New York Times reported that once you factor in time and effort, most resale actually only nets you pennies per hour. The majority of items either don’t sell quickly, or they don’t sell at all.
So many clients and friends look at Poshmark and eBay and Mercari and other resale sites and they see what the exact thing they own is listed for, so they feel it’s totally worth it to put their stuff up on those sites.
But don’t forget the amount of labor listing something for sale actually takes. The preparation, making it look good in pictures, monitoring bids or messages from potential buyers, deciding when to drop the price and by how much, or sitting on that item for months. 
And then there’s coordinating a yard sale, making sure it’s approved by your association or your town, figuring out what to do with all the stuff that doesn’t sell that day, 
If that’s your full-time job, go for it. To me, that’s not profit, though. That’s procrastination.

Excuse number 9. “That was really expensive. I can’t just get rid of it.”
Again, this is sunk cost fallacy. And behavioral economists agree that once the money’s gone, it’s gone. Keeping the item doesn’t bring you your money back.

And excuse number 10. “It’s organized chaos. I can find everything I need.”
That may feel true, but your brain says otherwise. A recent study from Yale found that visual clutter actually alters how information flows in the brain’s visual system. In other words, your brain is working overtime just to process the mess that you’re seeing.
Just think about this, ok? You have piles and piles all over your office, on your desk, on the shelves, everywhere, and you insist that you need all of this, and you know exactly where something is when you need it.
First of all, how often are you accessing each and every thing in that office? I mean, go back and re-listen to the other 9 excuses, ok? 
But also, when you do go in there to find the one thing you need, your brain is reminded of “Oh gosh. There’s something really important in that pile over there, isn’t there? I mean that’s why I’m keeping all of that. Now, what’s that important thing in there?” That’s anxiety. That’s stress. It may be low-grade because you don’t need the things in that pile right now, but you believe that there is something really important in there, and that’s why you’re keeping the piles! Over time, you trigger that low-grade anxiety over and over again.
So “organized chaos” isn’t efficient. It’s really stress in disguise.

OK, so, those are the 10 excuses. Now how do we fight back? Well with some mindset shifts. You can call these new beliefs to live by if the term belief is easier to process that mindset shift, ok?
So here we go.
You do have time. You just need to make decluttering a priority when it feels right to you. That’s what being choosy organizers is all about. You only need to worry about it when it affects your life, or the lives of your people.

Live for the current you, not some fantasy future you. So feel free to make decluttering decisions that feel right for you right now, because when you reach that future, you may not even feel the same about your stuff. And in the meantime, you’ve lived with clutter you didn’t need to instead of living with lightness and space in your home.

Your kids want stories and memories, not boxes of old stuff or your old furniture. If you have adult kids, you’re really lucky and you can just ask them! Would you want this for your house? Do you want these old vhs tapes? Do you want Grandma’s 100-piece China set that isn’t dishwasher safe?

It’s more wasteful to let clutter suck your energy than it is to release it. By the way, when you put something into the resale market, like when you donate to Goodwill, or your local charity shop, you’re helping the environment by creating less demand for a new one of those things, which means you’re helping to save energy and natural resources. If you hang on to it and never use it, that’s not helping to reduce waste.

If you haven’t used it in years, you won’t miss it. Now if it’s a great memory, then, you know, think of a way to display it so it makes you happy to see it, or see if your siblings would like to display them in their homes. Or if they would like to use it.

Guilt is not love. Love is showing compassion and empathy and trying to understand the other person. If you’re given something by someone who loves it in their home, and they think, or they hope, you would love it in yours, be compassionate to them. Talk to them to understand their memories of that thing, or their love for that thing. But if you don’t share the same love for that item, be kind. Don’t feel indebted to keep it, though. Yes, it’s hard, but like most things, with practice it gets easier to have those conversations.

Clutter drains your energy. Decluttering restores it. When you’re ready to prioritize your energy again, decluttering will be easier. But it’s on your choosy terms, ok?

Your stuff isn’t worth as much as you think, people don’t really want all your stuff, and the money’s already gone. Gosh, just look at the number of things listed on eBay. We all own stuff. We all do! People don’t want your stuff!

“Organized chaos” is a lie your stress tells you. It’s an excuse. And sadly, the stress and anxiety, even if it’s behind the scenes, low-grade, it does affect you.
You can make these your new operating principles for your home and for your peace of mind. And if you do, decluttering will be smoother for you.

So who wants your stuff? Well, nobody, honestly, not even you probably! 
Your clutter does cause you stress and anxiety, and you don’t need to keep feeding that.
Remember, Beautiful Living isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being choosy, intentional, and free.
To help you make some simple decluttering decisions today, I’ve got something for you. It’s my Keep or Release Test. It’s a quick, fun flowchart that you can use to decide if you should keep something or release it. 
So you can go to fireflybridge.com/thetest (no spaces). Just fireflybridge.com/thetest and you can download it there.
And I’ll also put the link in the show notes for you.
I’m also putting links to the research studies and articles that I mentioned today in the show notes if that kind of thing interests you, if you need some bedtime reading!
So have a beautifully organized week. I’m Zee, and I’ll see you on the next episode.