Who Hurt You?

How much of us are still holding on to past behaviors and bringing them into new relationships? Do you we have the courage or support to push pass those survival mechanisms?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Yeah, let's just go ahead and jump into it.

SPEAKER_03 0:02

You don't want me to intro it?

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Yes. Yes, please. That's what I meant. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

You don't want to talk like we normally do, essentially, is what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Well I'm saying is start it off, baby. Do what you do best. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

I was waiting for you to say start it off, set it off, set it off. I don't even know how you'd be saying that.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Start it off, baby. Start it off, start it off. It's good. Yeah, let's get it, baby. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Alright, so episode number four. We're talking about do it towards the camera. Oh, I thought I was talking to you.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

No, no, no. Do it to do the do um, I feel like we should do like an intro. We should have like a proper intro.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

We're just trying to figure out what feels right at this point. So bear with us as we determine what our modes of operation will be. Yeah. Welcome back to the Synced Up Podcast. This is your host, Kalia Edwards, with Mr. Blair Edwards. What's happening? Welcome. On today's episode of Synced Up, we will be discussing pushing past trauma. Who hurt you?

SPEAKER_00 1:18

That's gonna be the title of this episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

Look at the screen.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yeah, you wrote that. You wrote that. Respect to you.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Respect. Respectfully, who hurt you? And just talking about our perspectives in the midst of trying to figure out what we were doing when we were dating for a while, and we hadn't put a label on things. Who said I love you first and why? I'm so scared.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Don't worry about it, Nate.

unknown 1:49

Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

It's still good. The way your eyes open up wide like this.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Are we still recording? Yeah, we're still recording. We're good, we're good.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

This is a very scary intro.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Let's start off again. And go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Hey.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

What's up, baby?

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Alright, so we're trying something new where I talk directly at the camera that's facing towards me, as if we're on the morning show. And I would say, hello everyone. Welcome back to our synced up podcast. I'm your host, Khlee Edwards, with the wonderful, amazing, and oh so talented Blair Edwards.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Let's go with you.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Okay, South Florida, stand up.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Do you know what's funny? When we started doing these podcasts, I was trying to be cognizant of if we start to sound different from our everyday. And you went straight broadcaster announcer.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

Yep. Maybe I'm feeling inspired by the morning show. Because we have been watching it. And and me?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

You've been falling asleep every single time I put it on. So you're only awake for when they're like, hi, welcome to the morning show. And then after you're like, sleep.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Listen, with skin like this, you've got to get your rest. Oh yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

Respect, respect, respect.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Alright, I'm just kidding. But today we are talking about the sentiment of who hurt you in relation to how we came to be officially together. And maybe a little bit of who said I love you first. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

Sounds like a good plan. I like it.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

You didn't like when I said who hurt you though?

SPEAKER_00 3:29

It's just it's not good. It's not good. Because typically, when you say that phrase, who hurt you, who is that typically directed towards? Usually. Don't do that political correct shit. I'm not running for office.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

Well, maybe I am.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Alright, well, if you are, then you go ahead and give the politically correct answer, and I'll give you the real.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Well, I think it's normally reserved for cisgendered males.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

So I guess this episode is talking about my trauma. Okay, it's great. Fantastic. We love to see it.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Uh disclaimer. Okay, other than our outfits, as you can see, we are matching. She likes to copy why I wear. Um, but the reason why I typically wear dot clothes is because I sweat. I sweat profusely. And since we're gonna be talking about trauma, look at my hands. It's already wet. I feel like I need a bib or uh or a rag or something like that. This is this is more than just aesthetics, this is functional.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

What are you doing with that?

SPEAKER_00 4:36

It's to keep me protected. My toes are gonna be swaying on the couch.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Oh, we're just gonna put the sweaty feet.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Oh, yeah. Don't worry. We we got we got uh washer and dry for this.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

Okay, lovely. I love the garb, looks great.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Hey, get in where you fit in. All right, let's get it going. Let's go. So, why are we talking about my trauma and who hurt me? What what what is what is this? Like, why why are we bringing this up for this episode?

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Well, chronologically, it all kind of ties together. But what I think is even more interesting is that two days ago now, yeah, because today's Tuesday, so Sunday, we went to Neighbors, our favorite local like brunch breakfast place, and we started playing a game. One card prompted what will become our story time this episode. But I want you to set it up because you did a great job last time.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Okay, all right. Well, without further ado, so there I was, heading over to our favorite cafe. Um, Kalia loves, I'm I'm sure you know this by now, but you love diving into each other intellectually, connecting, protected time, and I love the same for you. It's not like dipping your toes into a swimming pool, it's like a vast ocean, you know what I mean? There is no bounds to you, okay. Uh, but sometimes it can be rocky waters if you're not careful. But I digress. So there I was. We were in a cafe, we got our usual order. You pull out them cards. Now, these cards, it's uh it's like a questionnaire. Um, you know, you have those cards where it's like asking questions about like what's your favorite food? Uh it's not necessarily catered towards first impressions, but this particular card game is called We're Not Really Strangers or something like that. Yeah. Okay. So Couples Edition. Couple's edition. Because we're a couple, right? Now, it has three different levels. One, two, three. I'm sure you can assume that first level is relatively easy, and then the third level is more in-depth, or I or at least I'd like to think so. Because we got skin in the game, I'm like, look, let's just go to three. Yeah, I mean, let's let's just ask the tough questions, and it wasn't really tough questions because it's things that we always talk about. Now, this time around, I was like, let's just ask a level one question. Why not? Pick out the card. And the question was something to the effect of what were what was your first assumptions about me that you were proven wrong?

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Yeah, that were false.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

That were false, okay. And to which you replied something about that you were toxic. Now, I'm like, okay, I mean, I don't think I'm toxic, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I mean, but then I was like, wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold up. Why would you think I'm toxic? Matter of fact, what cons what constitutes us toxic? So run me that. What what makes you think I could have been toxic? Like, what would be the parameters around that?

SPEAKER_03 7:52

That you are talking to multiple women while dating me.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

And then I went like this.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

You started rocking in your chair and laughing. And not saying a single thing besides just giggling.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Well, then, no, I think I followed up with the question of like, okay, so how much is like multiple girls, like how much how many girls is too many to then be considered like toxic? To which you replied, like four.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

And I was like, ugh, so then I understood that it's all been a lie. Oh, don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Don't do that. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

And I was one of many women. I feel like I'm on a like a Jerry Springer couch, you know. I used to sneak watch that when I was a child, Jerry Springer. I don't know how old I was, maybe like 11 or 12. But I just thought it was so interesting, and that's how I felt in that moment. In Neighbors, I was transported onto the Jerry Springer couch, and all the ladies came out and they're like, see, we knew we weren't the only ones.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

I I I feel like I just had that, you know, that meme of I don't know, I think it's a judge, like a judge show, and there was a woman that was being taken to court. I'm pretty sure those shows aren't exactly like real.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Definitely dramatized, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

But there was a uh there was someone that was being brought to court, and someone was on the stand and they were like, Um, when was the last time you were evolved with Miss Jackson or something like that? And he's like, We were evolved this morning, and she's just like this. You had the judge go, Miss Jackson, and she's just like That's how you felt. I just now look, look, look, look, look. Look at the sweat starting to come in.

SPEAKER_03 9:36

Ooh! I see the feet. The feet glisten. Cover them up, cover them up.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Okay, all right. Let's keep it going. Let's keep going. Yeah, so um, yeah, I was.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

I don't want to say, see, talking okay, but you literally said dating.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

You did. You said dating. You said you're it would be toxic for you to be dating multiple times.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

To which you agreed.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

I didn't agree, but I could understand. I could understand the perception. Roll the tapes. Like, anyway, all I'm saying is this. There's there's no way you can really like reframe the conversation or try to gussy it up to make it more appropriate. But yeah, yeah, I was I may have been seeing other people while we were dating, and I feel so cringe saying that. But but in my defense, right? Um, it was to what I was alluding to on the last episode in terms of uh long distance relationships and trying to try something new that I not fall into the same trappings of before when it comes to dating people. I e if you haven't watched the last episode, go ahead and watch the last episode, but we'll do a quick little recap, okay? But what I said was I wasn't sure that going into the relationships like I used to before would be productive. I.e., when I'm meeting someone new, I'm like, okay, all my eggs in one basket. I'm ready to hatch these chicklings, okay? Like, I'm meeting you, mother of my children, we're gonna get married, all that kind of stuff. It's not a good look to put all that pressure on one person. Now, in addition to that, we were long distance. I didn't know if we were gonna go the distance, but I was intentional about seeing it through. So, yeah, in terms of not putting all the pressure, all the eggs in one basket, I put it in like just a little couple different ones. But we weren't, but it wasn't like okay, first of all, she hasn't said a single thing. She's just looking at me like, go ahead, dig yourself that grave. I'm gonna wrap it up because it's puddles over here.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

I'm just listening because I don't want to do what I did last episode where I kept saying, mm-hmm, sure, mmm. So I'm just letting you go because and also I'm intrigued, I'm listening.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

I hope they don't turn into a fire after this. Anyway, um all I'm saying is I put different eggs in different baskets, but after all of those different baskets, I realized only one of them was really hatching at a appropriate speed that was more fruitful to me.

SPEAKER_03 12:38

Okay, so you there was multiple of us.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Oh my god, stop saying it like that. Jeez.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

And basically it was a tiering system. Oh so if you because you can't have you can't have like a PG, a point guard, and like a shooting guard in different orders. It has to go in order. Like if you were gonna pick an all-star team and you're LeBron, and they said, Blair, name your all-star team. You essentially had five women on that team, including myself. Who was your first pick? In this scenario, it sounds like I was your first pick. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_00 13:19

This sounds so horrible, and I'm in a hot seat because I am sweating. And but do you know what? We're gonna own this shh shoes. We're gonna own it. I don't like to think of the people that I was dating as like a team, you know what I mean? Because you're all not playing for something, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

We were we were playing for you.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

Okay, well, this is tomatoes and tomatoes, but what I'm trying to get at it here is did you feel the same way about all of us?

SPEAKER_00 13:55

No.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

Okay, from the very beginning or as time went on?

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Um, I think okay, how about this? When we were first started date, I was like, okay, everyone is everyone's cool, but the level of engagement of which we were investing in each other, i.e. communication, knowing more about each other, going on dates, hanging out, it was way more than everybody else. So it was clearly evident that you were more interested in a relationship. Now, no disrespect to anybody I was dating before, and I can't speak for them.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

I hope that they comment on this episode. Oh my god. That'd be so awesome.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

That would be so unfortunate. If you don't want that smoke, and don't put yourself out there, okay? I'm putting myself out there.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

I'm they definitely still follow you on socials, so they definitely gonna see they're definitely gonna see this.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

I don't know. Okay, I think so. Um I didn't check.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

If there's five of us and you married me, that means there's four others. The odds that at least two follow you, it's pretty high. 50-50.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Look, all I'm saying is this though. Um, I can't speak for the other women, but I I just started to learn that there wasn't much for me to grasp onto that made me feel like I can take any of the other relationships or any of the other people seriously. And I say relationships, but I just in I just mean in terms of which we related. Some people may have thought of me as just someone to hook up with. Some of them may have been like, oh, do you know what Blair might be cool, but it might not be that deep of a thing. I don't know who they're dating, I don't know if I was the only one, but it just wasn't it was just take your time. It was very take your time on that aspect, and I learned to do that instead of being like jumping head first. I'm like, I'm gonna meet you where you're at, I'm gonna match you. But with you, you were like, nah, this is us. We're we're we're talking every day, we're we're chopping it up, we're learning about each other, we're spending quality protected time, and I'm like, yeah, I I can match you on that.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

So who hurt you?

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Damn, do you know what? I I wouldn't even be able to say there was one particular person. Imagine if I'm like, it was you. Imagine.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Controversy. Or as blare as you would say, controversy, controversy.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Um, I don't think that there was one particular person, but I can say there maybe was a Frankenstein of a situation, or um, there were multiple examples that I had to learn from experience to be like, okay, do this, don't do that. So, I mean, if we'll if we're going there, um let's say the baseline of which I understood relationships to be is from my parents, my parents being married. I saw my parents being together, I don't even know how long they've been together. Their anniversary's coming up, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Um it's a lot of years, yeah. A lot, like 40?

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Definitely, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:21

It has to be like more than 40.

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Definitely, yeah, definitely. And so my idea of seeing that as a baseline for relationship is like, okay, cool. Mom and dad is married, so if I like a girl, that means we're gonna get married. It don't work like that, okay. We know that. And I'm a bit of a romantic. I see maybe one or two Disney movies, and I was like, a whole new world.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

That was really great.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Hey, album coming out soon. Cast it, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:51

But I'm the same way as you. If you ask any of my friends in middle school, they thought I would be married by 18.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

Really? Yeah. On some moment.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

My parents met at 18 and were together at 18.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

I think my parents met when they were like 16, 17. See? And then got married at 20.

SPEAKER_03 18:11

Exactly. And we have we have a two-parent household that have stuff that has stayed together, that has not been divorced or separated. And so it creates this in an age that's ever changing, that's different than what our parents. And mind you, our parents are 15, 20 years apart in age. And so, like what your parents experienced was way different than what my parents experienced. And then what my parents experienced is not anywhere near what we experienced with social media and dating apps, and just like the amount of people that you can potentially reach just with our phones or our computers. Facts. Or with the access that we had, you coming to Vegas, me moving to go to college, like those are things our parents didn't have a chance to do.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

So just completely different landscape.

SPEAKER_00 18:53

Yeah. You know? But the fact that I mean we found each other and we still adhere to like uh tendencies from our parents in in order to invest in a relationship. I'm like, shout out to them for like laying that groundwork. But what I'm saying is having that blueprint and then growing up and realizing not everybody has that same experience. It kind of made me go like I really putting out my heart there, out there, and then being I don't want to say let down, but I I put some kind of expectation on the rest of the world or or the women that I would get involved with. And I when I realized it wasn't being reciprocated, it just started to chip a little bit away at that heart until I eventually turned into the Grinch. No, I'm just kidding. I don't think I was toxic. I don't think I was toxic. I think I was just adhering to the landscape to survive.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Well, I think you did a complete 180 of what you had been doing in previous relationships, and so instead of saying, Hey you, I just met you and I really like you, and I'm gonna marry you tomorrow, it was the exact opposite of okay, I'm gonna not show my cards at all and choose to play the field a bit.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Well, I mean, that's what you do when you live in Vegas for 10 plus years. If I I I don't gamble, but love is the biggest gamble you could do. You gotta keep those cards close to your chest, you know what I mean? Because there'd be some jokers out there.

SPEAKER_03 20:26

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

That was okay. You hurt me, right? I yeah, yeah. But no, what what I'm saying, what I'm saying is um I thought that was the most okay, at the time, there is no rule or handbook when it comes to how you're supposed to make things happen, especially when it when you you're trying to make the rules yourself. You know what I mean? Um I have an extensive uh book collection. Couple of those books have been from the self-help section. Sure, some of them may have alluded to relationships, but at the same time, a map wouldn't really tell you the terrain. You know what I mean? And it's a lot of analogies. I love a good analogy. Um, but what I'm saying though, is I was just trying to make up the rules as I went along. But I knew I wasn't. Can I curse on this podcast?

SPEAKER_03 21:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

I didn't think I was a fuckboy. I really didn't think I was a fuck boy. I think I had as best intentions as possible.

SPEAKER_03 21:30

I yeah, you had some tendencies.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

I had some fuck boy tendencies, sure.

SPEAKER_03 21:35

But again, we didn't have the conversation, so you didn't do anything wrong.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

What would have been the conversation? What would that have looked like?

SPEAKER_03 21:45

Between you and I.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Uh something to the effect of hey, I really like you. You've been spending a lot of time together. I'm investing a lot of money to travel and effort. And care, and I just want to like be on the same page with what we're doing. Are we dating exclusively? Are we dating other people? If we're dating, are we just going on dates? Are we kissing? Are we having sex? Like, where where are we at?

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Okay. At what point do you think it's appropriate to have that conversation?

SPEAKER_03 22:20

In general?

SPEAKER_00 22:21

In relationships, yeah. Okay. General, yes. But then for out for our circumstance, what do you think?

SPEAKER_03 22:29

I think in general, oh, I would give it a two to three month rule. If you're spending time with someone consistently, often, especially if you're long distance, I think two months, long distance, three months if you're close in proximity.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

Is that a hot take? I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I think can't speak for anybody out there. I won't do that. I will never think of doing that. But some people are like, you need to have that conversation on day one.

SPEAKER_03 22:58

No, I mean, I think it depends on how old you are also. Because I think that women who have a who are at a certain stage in their life where their biological clock is ticking a little bit faster than those that aren't, need to have the conversation up front because it's it's a matter of timing. If I'm 35 and I'm looking for somebody to marry and I want to have children, at that point I'm considered a geriatric pregnancy. It's already risk involved.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

And so if I'm just gonna like play the field and wait around for someone to tell me that they want to be with me, but I don't have the conversation in the very beginning, I'm just not setting myself up for a success in finding somebody quick.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 23:37

If you're in your 20s and there's no rush for you to get married based on like a biological clock ticking, or because you're still living your life and having a great time and early in your career, so on and so forth. It's like what's the rush to have the conversation and to put pressure on the relationship if you don't necessarily want that right away.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

I I get that. I get that, and I think that's what now some people would argue you don't have to be married in order to have kids.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

True. Yeah, you don't you can do whatever you want. My parents weren't married when they had me. My parents married when they had Raymond.

unknown 24:14

No.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

See? Our parents unconventional and still together. Look at that. Put the carriage before the horse. Isn't that what I say? Horse before the carriage?

unknown 24:23

No.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Some of them things. Carriage before the horse.

SPEAKER_03 24:26

I don't know. Something like that.

SPEAKER_00 24:28

Well, either way, um. I didn't have a biological clock. I wasn't in a rush to get married. But I also was aware that I can't just dump like yo, I'm trying to lock you down, date, like, sure. Maybe I can maybe I could have done it month two, month three, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 24:51

Four, five, or six.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

But when did we actually have that kind of conversation roundabout alluded to?

SPEAKER_03 25:00

When I asked you what we were doing.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Yeah. Because you did ask me what we were doing.

SPEAKER_03 25:04

I got more stern with the conversation during Art Basle. So early December.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:12

Which would have been May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, eight months.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Into the right. Now, something that we've learned, right? You assumed that I wasn't talking to anybody.

SPEAKER_03 25:32

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

So subsequently, what decisions did you make based off of that mindset?

SPEAKER_03 25:38

Well, I didn't make a decision off of that mindset.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

I wasn't like, okay, he's not talking to anyone else, so I'm not gonna talk to anybody else. Because I don't operate my life on what other people are doing or not doing.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:52

I'm an only child, so you know, that comes with like moving to the beat of your own drum. There's no one around you at your age level to be like influencing you to do something else. You gotta figure that shit out on your own.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Respect.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

But when I met you, I was like, this is the he's the one. Why would I talk to anybody else? Because at some point, like obviously I didn't go back home after I met you and just like cut everyone off that next day and be like, Yep, met the guy. Sorry, see you later. But when I came back two weeks later in that interim period, that's when I cut everyone off. And I just kind of ghosted everyone because I'm like, I don't have time to be explaining to you where I'm going, what I'm doing. You're just not the one for me. And it's now really apparent. And they were never the ones for me before, hence why they we weren't in a relationship. I was just dating, talking, whatever you want to call it. Um, and so I cut everyone off.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:48

Uh for for a time.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Okay. Now sure. Okay. I'll let that ride.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

What is this?

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Well, I mean, I I would like to ask some more about sure. I I would like to come back to that. The fact that you you ghosted everyone that you wasn't in a relationship. Because some people would argue that's pretty toxic to do.

SPEAKER_03 27:08

Well, I wasn't like, I'm not gonna be like, hey, hey you, exclamation mark, space, space, space. So I met somebody, period, space. He's great, period, space. Enter, enter, enter. We're done. Like, no one's doing that. Okay, but just slowly wean him off.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

Just don't reply to their text anymore.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:32

Over time.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

I'm gonna stop saying okay, because I I understand. Okay, okay, okay. Heard, right, right, right, right. Did it nice again? I thought I heard something. Did you hear a beep? Never mind.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

I didn't hear anything.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

Let me do a quick intermission. Quick intermission. One sec.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

Where are you going? I need to make sure that everything's still recording. Oh, okay. Why did it stop recording? Good job, babe. I had no idea. Also, what time is it right now? No, uh 30. 230.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Oh, good, cool, cool, cool, cool. Alright, well, let's keep going. Um So you basically weaned people off. Gotcha. I assumed you were talking to everyone still. And when I say everyone, I'm not saying you're out in these streets, but I kind of wanted to operate from a place of assume not assume assume the worst, but operate your best. So at some point I thought to myself, okay, if she's talking to a lot of people, does that change the way I feel about you? Does that change the way I want to operate? And I'm like, absolutely not. Well, I mean, maybe that I operate from that place to make sure that I understood who you were without moving off my own insecurities. Like I said, no one's telling me to do this, I don't have a playbook, but in order to keep myself protected, it's like I had to mentally be vulnerable in order to still move forward. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um but I would say that I would say maybe month six, that's when I realized that I loved you. And so I basically ghosted everyone too in a roundabout way. Now what wait, what's so funny?

SPEAKER_03 29:53

Nothing in a roundabout way. Yeah, well, I mean, because I I would love to see how you ghost somebody. You're just so nice, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

I think I think it was a combination of things. Because what ended up happening was I just kind of stopped talking to people, but then at the same time, I started getting spam on my phone. Remember when we were together? Yeah. And I got that very inappropriate, very inappropriate picture message. I was like, that's fucking disgusting. By someone that you didn't know, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, right? But I was like, I'm tired, I was getting spam messages. I changed my phone number. So to those people that I stopped talking to, they probably were like He blocked me. Or just like completely like D.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

Girls always think that you block them.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

I don't block anybody. No, I don't either.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

But that's what we think. Most girls think that way.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

I'm so sorry to the girls I previously dated. If you think that I blocked you, I really I'm not sorry.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

There's winners and losers in life, okay? And unfortunately, you don't always win what you want. And you don't always win the thing that you do or don't think you deserve. So fortunately for me, I win. They lose. What did Nicki Minau say?

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Get up on the bigfoot? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

Look, what I'm saying though is Yeah, it was bad. Okay. I'm I'm hot girls, do your thing. Bobs, do your thing. I don't have a dog in that fight. All I'm saying is, all I'm all I'm saying is I just kind of was like, I'm not gonna be texting y'all. And in hindsight, it doesn't hurt to just be like, hey, so I kind of met somebody, even though I I wouldn't say to them, I never considered us serious anyway. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

It's a cold world.

SPEAKER_00 31:58

Well, it's because you kind of alluded to like I'm not gonna text you, and you know, because we're not even dating, we're not even serious. Yeah, I'm not.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

I just don't, I don't think it's necessary. But also, you know, to each their own, yeah. I operate in a certain way. I'm more Drake with it. I would say you might be more who?

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Uh more J. Cole emotionally, yeah. To respectfully bow out.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Right now I'm Drake in his distracts. I'm like, you all can get it, and I don't really care.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Well, either way, I I just at that time I was like, it's I don't know how to navigate those conversations. Um in hindsight, would I have had those conversations? Uh I guess I guess I would have, just so I can comically be like, look, it's nothing against you. I'm just moving in a more serious direct direction with someone that I love, you know.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

Um that's very sweet.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Well, yeah, to you, probably to them, they're like, yo, go fuck yourself. Or they might be like, Thank God. I don't give a damn. Go ahead, do your thing. Yeah. But yeah, so that was that. Traversing that. Look, we're still kind of doing okay.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

A little bit of sweat, just a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 33:11

You look great.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

How are your feet doing? Yeah, feet are still puddles, but I don't, but they're not cold. I don't get cold feet.

SPEAKER_03 33:17

I love how you're just wrapping up your feet and wiping them down. This this blanket's going in the wash right after this.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

I did take a shower before this.

SPEAKER_03 33:24

You did.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

Alright, let's keep it going though. So when I realized that I loved you, I was like, okay, I ethically, in my code of ethics.

SPEAKER_03 33:35

And that was in your birthday, let's not forget. While the other women were at the party, and so was I.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

Not all of them.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

How many of them were there actually?

SPEAKER_00 33:45

Uh uh like two, I think two or three.

SPEAKER_03 33:50

So there's three total ladies, including myself.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Yeah, more or less.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

Did I meet them?

SPEAKER_00 33:56

I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

During the entire party, Blair was um, you know, being the hostess of the most. So he was running around getting drinks from this person and that person. And I didn't know anybody at this party because at this point I had been a sneaky link. So we had been together since April. I'm counting us being together. I don't care if he was um sister wiving me during this time period, but we were together. So egregious. When I I think it's funny, uh, when we got to the party, I didn't know anyone, didn't even know your friends really. And so he had me out there on an island and didn't even tell me that these ladies were there, which is just so shocking. Uh but I wish I could have met them, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Why? I would love to have met them.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

What do you think meeting them would have done for you?

SPEAKER_03 34:51

I'm always intrigued of what your type is. Because I am definitely not your type. I don't got no type.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

Nah.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

What is this? I don't know. I I think I see Lesson girl. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Oh no. It's just a little jig.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

Anywho.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

Um, no, but yeah, there there ain't there's no reason to meet anybody.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

Yeah, I want to see your type. Because the thing about you is that you don't ever share with me. I only know a couple people that you've made out with in the past or have done things with. Uh, and I know what they look like, but they're all very I they're all very different. And so I was I'm just curious if during that time period there was a theme.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Anybody that like me, I liked them.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

Okay. That was back in 2014.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Yeah, good times, good times. Look, all I'm saying is this did it matter, okay? And yes, while they were at the party, I was like, look, I'm not really gonna engage, but I realized as I was looking around through my drunken state, the most sobrest thought is every single time I looked at you, I felt a sense of like pride and love and self-acceptance. I was like, yo, I can't I can't be out here no more. It's the game is done. Wrap it up. Everyone, I think at that time I literally told everyone, I y'all gotta wrap up, y'all gotta go.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

And we were inside the sugar shack.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

Okay, anywho. So moving pause. That's when I cut everyone off. What happened?

SPEAKER_03 36:25

I'm thinking at the time.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Yeah, and that's when I cut everyone off now.

SPEAKER_03 36:28

Okay, so in September, just for everyone to understand, we might in April, May, June, July, August, September 21st, 2021.

SPEAKER_00 36:45

Okay. All right, yeah. So it took a couple months for me to trust in my feelings and be like, yo, I actually love you. I think now I can be like, yo, we're done past the dating phase. We can actually be more intentional with dating.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

Except that we never had that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 37:04

We didn't have to have that conversation because I didn't want to put any parameters on you. I wanted you to be exactly as you are. So I was like, let's just move forward. Now this is the tricky thing. So you said in December, that's when you're like, okay, so what are we doing?

SPEAKER_03 37:22

Yes. And what was that was early December.

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Early December. And what was my reaction to that question? Like, what were we doing?

SPEAKER_03 37:32

Just not great.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

How so?

SPEAKER_03 37:35

Well, when you got back from Miami, there was some tumultuous times that were experienced there. And so when you got back, you're kind of like, mmm, well, you know, not really sure. I don't know that I'm ready for a relationship because every time I put a label on something in the past, it like ruins it. And so kind of like play in the gray area.

SPEAKER_02 37:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:55

Yeah. Which I was like, okay, dude, but it's been six months. At this point, actually, more than that. Like nine months. We could have had a whole baby together. So at that point, I was like, listen, you either know or you don't know. We are traveling back and forth, spending a lot of time and investing a lot of energy and emotional intelligence and emotional whatever other things you can invest in a relationship. Which I enjoyed every moment of. But I also needed to know if I should keep my option shut down or and focus on you because you were feeling the same way, or if I should reopen the draft.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

And so what did you decide decide to do?

SPEAKER_03 38:38

Well, I just knew that I could continue to coach you through it. So I I had to pause on free agency. This all this basketal talk is going over your head, I'm sure. But essentially what I'm saying is I chose to not engage with anyone else besides you because I knew that eventually you'd come around.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

You know, and that's another hot take. I think other people might have been like, oh, you're not sure? Bye.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Yeah, 100%. But when you know, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:09

Sure. I think at that time when you had that conversation of like what we doing, and I was like, hey, I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't feel comfortable quite yet to like put a label on this. Um, and I realized in that moment of honesty, damn, she could definitely dip, and I have to be okay with that because I don't want to waste anybody's time, and I didn't want to say, Hey, you should stick around with me.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

You thought it was over after that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 39:36

I thought it was over. I I remember that now, but I remember that once I was like, hey, I just don't feel comfortable being in a relationship, you said to me, Alright, well, I'm still be here tomorrow. I'm like, What? Which made me like in in one way, it kind of was like, you can have your cake and eat it too. But I'm like, wait, you're giving me the space to work through my vulnerability, like how I feel uncomfortable. I was like, no, that's how I knew. It's uh, it's uh it's uh I knew a couple months back, but right then and there, it's you, and I was so appreciative. Now, did we say, did I say, okay, well, let's just lock this down? I was like, no, I'm gonna test that theory. If you're if you if you really fought what a real one, so that's why I did. And then a few weeks later, you did the ultimate betrayal. The ultimate betrayal. I'm kidding. I did, nah, you didn't. What happened though is to give some context, and I'm keeping an eye on time because I'm like, we might have to wrap this up a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 40:50

Yeah, we're fine, I think.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

So I was like, I'm vulnerable, I'm open. She said, I'm gonna give you the space to do that. I said, cool. Then she mentions to me that she has a friend that she ran into, and I was like, No, that I hung out with what you did originally first, and that's that was back in that was back in May that I told you that. Oh, really? Okay, so this is how I knew. All right, back in May, she's like randomly, she's like, Oh yeah, I seen a friend of mine outside, I haven't seen him in a long time. And I was like, A friend? Now we I I speak a little bit of womenese, okay? And what they was what that means is if you have a friend, that means that there's history with that person. And I acted like nothing have I was like, okay, cool. Like I know nothing. Fast forward to after realizing that we are vulnerable and I'm like even more wide open. She expresses to me, oh yeah. So I hung up. Remember that friend that I told you about? I'm like, uh-huh. She's like, yeah, I want to go hang out with them, and da da da. I'm not gonna say what they were talking about or anything like that. But all I could hear is this you've become so vulnerable, and there's someone around the corner that is gonna undermine everything and take your love away from me. I was like, you know what? I'm I'm finished, I'm done. I was hurt, I was disheveled, flavorgasted. Actually, set the scene. She's talking to me on the phone. The blinds are closed. This is around like eight o'clock at night.

SPEAKER_01 42:19

I'm like, this, oh baby, why would my phone on mute?

SPEAKER_00 42:24

I'm like, I put the take it off mute. Yeah, like, oh, wow, what? That's crazy. Put it back on mute.

SPEAKER_03 42:35

Yeah, you I didn't know at all. I wanted to share because it was like I couldn't, in previous relationships, I didn't share. And when I did share, it was weaponized against me in arguments, and so I knew that if you had been so vulnerable with me, I needed to do the same thing. And I've been going to therapy talking about like my value system, and one of the things that we talked about was like being vulnerable and like intimacy and vulnerability are something that some things that are really important to me, and so I knew that I had to share. And again, poker face, you do a great job. I didn't know that there was any problems. We also weren't on FaceTime, so it was I couldn't gauge your facial expressions because I think I'm pretty keen on like micro expressions.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

Too many episodes would lie to me.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

Yeah, exactly. And so I was just talking to you on the phone, so then you could pause and like do all that, whatever you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

Yeah, and mind you, I didn't know how to communicate what I was feeling because it was like I could recognize two things were happening at once. One, you're being vulnerable and you expressing something that was that meant a lot to you. Don't know who this person is, but I could tell that they were important to you. So you sharing that and being comfortable with me, I was like, thank God that you feel comfortable to express that. I got you. At the same time, I'm like, you are hurting the fuck out of me right now. And this Does not feel good, but I didn't know how to express that without coming across insecure or controlling because I'm aware, also in terms of being vulnerable, it can be weaponized against you. I'm not saying that someone did that specifically to me, I just was aware that that can be a dynamic, so it was like, how do I navigate that? And I didn't know how to. That's why then I was like, okay, yeah, cool. I I hear you. When I hung up the phone, I was like, yo, it's done. You know, she's Did you really think it was over? I thought you were I thought you were gonna be like, hey, do you know what I reconnected with this person? I kind of want to see where this is gonna go with them.

SPEAKER_03 44:41

Really?

SPEAKER_00 44:41

Hell fucking yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:42

Okay, this makes so much more sense.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

I was like, fuck, but I mean, like, I love you though.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Well, and it's so interesting because I I thought, and maybe maybe I didn't communicate this clearly, or maybe you blacked out when I started talking about the friend, and you're like, I knew it, da da da. But I thought that it was very clear that we met up, and it was like, yes. And it was like it was a fri we were like, hey, we're friends. The person was like, hey, I'm sorry for being a terrible friend to you. I accepted the apology. We talked about you and how excited I was and how happy I was and all the things, and I thought that I really drove that home, but I guess the things I said first were held more weight than what I shared on the back end.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Yeah, I have an intuitive sense that it's more than just uh, oh yeah, we went to high school together. Oh, I ain't seen you in a long time. Well, cool. No, intuitively I could feel that there's something more to the story, but we won't go there. All I'm saying is this the next day she could tell that something was wrong and it was hurting me, and subsequently I could see that it was hurting you. I think we you were at work, weren't you? Yeah. When I started to see you start to shed tears, I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't hurt you like this. And I'm not meaning to hurt you, but I I'm just in a very vulnerable place, and I didn't know how to communicate that. But what I was really happy about from that conversation is that we could both recognize how much we loved each other and like how connected we were. Um, so after we kind of resolved it, then eventually you were like And mind you, this is all happening in December.

SPEAKER_03 46:24

Okay, so we have the conversation about what are we doing beginning of December. After Christmas, sometime between like Christmas and my birthday is when he reaches out to me and says, Hey, do you want to meet up? I meet up with him, and then my birthday party is like uh two weeks, two weeks later, maybe? This all happened in a span of like four weeks.

SPEAKER_00 46:44

Right. I said we gotta get we have a month to get our shit together. But basically, I think you asked me at one point, you're like, so um when do you think it's appropriate to say I love you to someone?

SPEAKER_03 46:56

And I was like Did that erase your feelings about that it was gonna be over?

SPEAKER_00 47:05

No, I it once we resolved it, yeah. I was like, okay, we're good.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:10

Because we're moving in a direction. But then when you wanted to up the ante a little bit and talking about you talking about little stuff, I was like, I needed to test the waters. Right. And uh and I think what I think I said to you was like, yeah, I mean, if you feel like comfortable enough to tell someone you love them, like it doesn't matter what the timeline is, you're like, you should be open to that. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, so I mean, I feel I have no qualms about telling you that I love you if I if I felt that way, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 47:36

You played games, and then she's like, Oh, okay, well, I love you too.

SPEAKER_00 47:41

I'm like, you like I can say I love you, but and the struck on the face when she realized she was like, I said it without saying at first. I'm like, but I love you too. Basically, we did, yeah, and then it was my birthday party, yeah, and then homeboy came through. You're like, this person's gonna be there, and he's gonna be a part, important part of my life. I was like, hmm.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

You're like, we'll see about that. I'll take care of that.

SPEAKER_00 48:16

No, no, but yeah, yeah, I I loved how everything came through, and yeah, so we we have those insecurities, we have those traumas, but you know, it kind of ties into the question of like the things that you omit from somebody else. Are you uh are you keeping it for yourself? Are you keeping it for them? Are you doing it for the sake of the relationship? What you're willing to share? And I think what we realized is um that every decision that we make in those moments is the best one that we can make, but hopefully, if you can just communicate and express that that you you mean nothing but the best, regardless of the choices that you make. I think in a relationship you should be able to understand that and have the space for empathy and some understanding. So yeah, I pretty much take that as that's what I learned from the situation.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Yeah, and I think just assuming positive intent is the best case scenario. I knew that I loved you, and I think you also knew that I loved you as well. And so if we could if we can hold that to be true even in moments where it feels like uncomfortable or difficult or that we don't know where we're gonna end up going, um it's like turning towards the person.

SPEAKER_02 49:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:31

You know, of like, hey, I know this feels difficult or it doesn't feel great, but like we'll figure this out together, and I'm committed to making sure that we assume the best in each other.

SPEAKER_00 49:39

Right. So for the record, I was toxic, but I had positive intentions. Absolutely positive intentions.

SPEAKER_03 49:45

Do you see how I I just alleped it for you?

SPEAKER_00 49:49

Yeah, because right now you was you was running me ragged a little bit. It's a little good.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

Never that. Okay, well, I think that's the end of the episode.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Um, thank you so much for another beautiful, well-rounded conversation and holding the space and all that good stuff. I really do feel like it's just our experiences, but it's interesting, and I think if people heard what we had to say, you know, they might be like, hmm, I never thought of it like that. Just something to take into consideration. Why not?

SPEAKER_03 50:19

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.

SPEAKER_00 50:22

Yeah, we'll see. We'll see if I get cancelled after this. But do you know what? Maybe the next episode will be even more interesting.

SPEAKER_03 50:30

Cause I No, it's not going, it's not maybe. It is. It's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah. I'm gonna be dropping names.

SPEAKER_03 50:40

Watch out, America.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

No, no, no. It's it's it's all in, like I said, assume positive intent. I have nothing but the best intentions moving forward. But what I will say is this we're gonna be turning up the heat a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

I can't wait.

SPEAKER_00 50:55

As long as I do it with you. Oh, baby.

SPEAKER_01 50:59

Oh, we are so adorable.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

I really love you.

SPEAKER_00 51:04

I love you more, baby. Drop the handle, baby.

SPEAKER_03 51:09

Alright, well, I don't even post, so you might want to follow him more. But at Kalia McKalo, that's K-H-A-L-I-A. M-A-K-A-E-L-A. Shout out to my mother for the numerous vowel uh vowels my name. There's lots.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

A okay, hurricane Chris.

SPEAKER_03 51:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 51:29

Hey, baby. Okay, and my name is Blair Edwards. Uh find me on Instagram, Mr. Blair Edwards or TikTok, Black British Guy. That is not a joke. That really is my handle. I post wherever I want in there.

SPEAKER_03 51:40

He posts jokes on there. And me.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

The joke is me trying to figure it out. You know what I mean? What I'm trying to do in this world. But yes.

SPEAKER_01 51:48

Oh baby, we kinda we we kinda got a good thing going on. Yeah, we're doing well. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

Let's have a great week.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

Love you.

SPEAKER_01 51:59

Love you.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Bye.