He Invited My Wife Backstage...BOLD!

This podcast episode follows Blair and Khalia Edwards’ mix of humor, honesty, and light marital debate. They talk about the misconceptions of naming their podcast “Open Marriage Podcast”, leading into a disclaimer that the show is not about partner swapping but about opening up conversations around marriage.

They discuss audience reactions, especially male listeners who enjoy the balance between Blair’s comedic commentary and Khalia’s grounded insight. Blair shares his recent immigration meeting and reflections on life as a British immigrant in the U.S. 

They have a humorous exchange about cleanliness, sitting in other people’s homes, and domestic quirks (e.g., Blair’s relaxed attitude vs. Khalia’s need for hygiene). 

Blair recounts a concert where security invited Khalia backstage on Tyler’s the Creator’s behalf, sparking a conversation on jealousy, trust, and boundaries in marriage. The couple debates a viral TikTok about a wife clearing her husband’s bowl. They examine modern expectations, mutual respect, and emotional labor in relationships. They discuss whether marriage itself is something to boast about, concluding that marriage can be a flex when both partners elevate each other. A brief discussion on Love Is Blind leads into talk about therapy, emotional maturity, and breaking intergenerational relationship patterns. 

Khalia shares thoughtful reading suggestions including Why Won’t You Apologize?, Terrence Real’s Us, and Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity.

In the end Blair thanks listeners and credits Khalia for inspiring the podcast, emphasizing shared growth, humor, and partnership.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You know what we're gonna talk about? I think so. And if not, then we just sit here and we look at the camera for an hour.

SPEAKER_04 0:07

Toes is dry.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Yeah. Remember when I kept saying that they were like feeling soft in the bed? But then they weren't.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

I'm telling you, when the feet is like sloughs, soft, slick. What's sloughs?

SPEAKER_00 0:20

You know what it means.

SPEAKER_02 0:27

Um, because I moved the road.

SPEAKER_04 0:34

Okay, but it's fine. You go. It's your world. We're just living in it.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Okay, sweetheart.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

We made it.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Back with another one. Another one. You want to do intros?

SPEAKER_02 0:48

What kind of intros? Like a walkout song?

SPEAKER_04 0:51

Um like an intro, like walks.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

And then you like, we walk in and we sit down.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

Last week it was a Jay-Z theme. Now we're back to Yay. We're not trying to get cancelled here. Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

I just, I don't know why I thought you know what? Uh my best friend loves that song, and she's always running to that song. Bum bum. She said it's the best beats per minute for her pace or something.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:20

It's good, honestly. That wasn't actually yay, that was Kanye because he was Kanye then. Mr. West! And that was the good days of Kanye West.

SPEAKER_04 1:30

Either way, um, baby, go ahead and do a little intro. Let's let's let's try and see if we can make some.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

I don't really know what kind of intro we're supposed to have.

SPEAKER_04 1:38

Like, are you like a podcast intro? Go ahead, let me see what you do. Freestyle it, baby. And um if you can look into that camera or that camera. I'm feeling spot.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Yeah. Also, you have to realize you didn't even prep me for this, and I've just been sitting here looking around, killing fruit flies, because you don't let me do anything to help you.

SPEAKER_04 2:03

So what okay, the camera's rolling, we're still going. What what can I do to prep you right now? No, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Let me know. No. I'm fine. I'm just feeling tired. I don't know why every time you go to record, I'm just feeling tired, but because the conversation is also boring? No, no, no, no, no. No. I do think we also haven't eaten a real meal today, so that could be part of it. But it's fine. We're gonna get through it. Hey everyone, this is Kalia. Married to this guy. So my last name's Edwards now. And there's oh, I was reading the bio side note uh for the podcast, and I realized that you put the bio in there that I think I use Chat GPT to sort of create.

SPEAKER_04 2:45

Hey, ChatGPT gotta hell, because we are working professionals. We ain't got time.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

Yeah, but I was just cackling because I was like, this is funny. I'm originally from California and I live in Las Vegas. But the good thing is that it's winter almost, and that's why I was just drinking out of my Christmas cup because I'm just getting ready for Christmas. I do love Christmas, and I'm excited to be in conversations with my husband. This podcast is my idea, and he's made it come to life. Like all husbands do. The wives say what they want, and the husband somehow makes it come true. So we appreciate all the husbands out there.

SPEAKER_04 3:23

That was the cutest intro I've ever heard. Thanks. That was fantastic, baby.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Let me give you thank you.

SPEAKER_04 3:30

But I was actually kind of thinking, maybe an intro, kind of like, welcome back to the open marriage marriage podcast. I am your host, Blair Edwards, and I'm with Calia Edwards. This is episode two. If my calculations are correct, and in this episode, we are talking about all things marriage. Feel free to like, comment, subscribe, click the bell notification, tell your friends, tell your missus, tell your husbands, but don't tell the kids because this is for the girl and sexy.

unknown 3:57

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 3:57

I don't know, something like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

That felt like a YouTube video.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

Yeah, and you're more versed than I am.

SPEAKER_04 4:02

By the way, we are up on YouTube. Check out the YouTube if you want, if you're if you're the listeners, you like the sound of the voice, you like the conversation, but you also want to see the face. We ain't ugly. Go ahead and check out the YouTube or Spotify wherever you can, because we recording. We got this camera, that camera, that camera, that camera. I'm just telling you, we got all the cameras here.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

We do. Thanks to you.

SPEAKER_04 4:27

No, no, no. Thanks to you, baby. Cause gotta put it on a credit card and it's in your name.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

What?

SPEAKER_04 4:36

No, I'm playing. Okay, so um, like in good podcast format, let's start off with the first, not section, but let's just get some ground ground rules here. Disclaimer. We are not in an open marriage. I had a lot of people stop me on the street while I'm getting out to coffee. They're like, oh my god, you're Blay Edwards and you're married to Khalia, right? And you have that open marriage. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We are not in an open marriage. We are opening up the conversation around marriage on this podcast. The DMs are not only open. Sorry, let me say that again. The DMs are not open, but they are open for any questions that you might have. Anything that you would like us to address in the next episode. You pay attention to those.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

We do. I thought you were gonna have like a Freudian slip right there and say the DMs are only open for those of you that want to engage in an open marriage, and I was going to cackle.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

I was actually going to say the DMs are open only for the conversations that you want us to like bring to the table. Bring to the table. Yeah, fair. We are not at that stage in our marriage. No, and we are I don't think we'll ever be at that stage.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Yeah, I don't think so either. You never know.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

However, we've been married for almost two years, so I don't think this is the state. Actually, I can't say. I don't think there's like a certain time period that people decide to be in open relationships. It could happen at any point. I think some people get married and their relationship previous to marriage was open, and so they opened their marriage too. But I don't think I'm interested in adding more players to the team.

SPEAKER_04 6:20

You're the star player, baby. Thanks. You are the can you insert WNBA players? I want to highlight them. I don't know really too familiar.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

Remember when you told my parents that Asia Wilson was the team leader?

SPEAKER_04 6:36

Okay. Spoiler alert, I don't know that much about basketball.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

We were on the ground.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

What was the context? You can't just throw that out there.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

I think we were talking about how they had won a WBA championship and shout out to the Aces. Shout out to the Aces, the only Las Vegas team that actually does anything. I mean the Golden Knights, but I don't watch hockey, so I'll just stick to the thing that I know. Shout out to the Golden Knights too. Yeah. Um, but I think we were talking about how they won the championship, and I think you had made a comment about like, oh, who I saw their I saw the their leader, the team leader on some somewhere, like on the side of a building or something. And I said, Asia Wilson? And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I didn't know we call her a team leader, but I guess she could be considered a team leader.

SPEAKER_04 7:26

Okay, so would I have been more appropriate to say the captain?

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Yeah, you know what is interesting? I don't actually know if the WNBA has captains. We had captains in college. Um, and I don't know, I would have I don't know how professional sports does it. I'm just too far removed to know if they actually have captains or not. I do believe she was the MVP, so you could have said that. Uh, or their best their star player.

SPEAKER_04 7:49

That's also uh Well, either way, baby. You are the MVP, you are the star player, you're everything. You're the you're the brains of this operation. You got to know it.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

You're so very funny. Do you know that?

SPEAKER_04 8:07

Yeah. I I had some people say um they like our dynamic. Shout out, Guillaume. I know you I see you, but I know you be listening, but they say they really like our our dynamic. So I figured you could be the well, first of all, I like you in all forms that you show up, but I guess you are the the sensible, the well thought out, the intellectual, and then I'm here for comedic effect.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

I mean, I and you do have some valid points.

SPEAKER_04 8:37

I I got some I got some insight every now and again. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

I realized that last episode I was uh squawking, so I'm trying to keep my level of my voice not so animated and wild because it just it's too much.

SPEAKER_04 8:51

I will say that I as I was editing it, every single time that you would talk, it would peek. Yeah, and then I would just like try and bring down the level.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

It was a lot. So I'm gonna talk in my library and I'm gonna start talking like Nara Smith. Okay. This is bl wait, hold on. This is what Blair loves, and also I've had a couple of my employees tell me that I uh they're I remind them of Nara Smith. Not that I I mean she's great, I'm not Mormon. Um, but I would I mean her lifestyle seems fun. So when I start talking like this and I tell Blair, I will provide for you an ointment for my garden that I've handmade for 12 hours. He really does enjoy it, if you couldn't tell.

SPEAKER_04 9:30

Yeah, but I don't think you realize I enjoy it maybe for a different reason, and I think the listeners are gonna enjoy it for another reason too, because that is seductive, and I'm just saying, chill with that. You only have that voice for me.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

You see, you are opening up this relationship because you started the podcast talking in your lower register, which you already know what that does to most people.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

Okay, let's let's be honest there. Hey, babe. All right.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

I am not well. I'm not well. Okay, okay, okay, okay. But yeah, we do have we do have we did get some really positive feedback from our friends and family that we know listen to the pod. And I would say before when we first did the first season, I had a lot of positive feedback from the female listeners, and I still do. People have been waiting, uh, have been DMing me on Instagram for the year that we took off asking about the podcast. But last week we did get quite a few comments from our male friends that listen to the podcast, even though they had no intention of maybe like listening. Uh, and so that's really cool because I think I don't know, I just think that some of us believe the guys listen to the Joe Rogan podcast. It's like only bro stuff, you know, and the girls are like listening to this kind of stuff. So it's cool that we had some feedback from our our male friends.

SPEAKER_04 11:00

Well, this is what I'm talking about. That's why I love the the balance of our dynamic, because I'm I would say I'm a reformed red pill listener. Okay, and when I say reformed, I mean that I'm still red pill, but I I have some act right, and my wife ain't gonna let me walk around here being misogynistic towards women in any way, shape, or form. So I am doing the work to unlearn those negative mindsets and behaviors, but at the same time, fellas, I'ma keep it real with y'all, I'm gonna tell y'all what it really is. And any of you young bucks that are like, hey, you know what? I maybe the red pill space might not be the best thing to listen to. Listen to Unk. Am I unk?

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yeah, you are.

SPEAKER_04 11:44

Sorry, I gotta steal this. I'm Yunkle. No, no, there's only one Yunkle in our life.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Right. And yeah, okay, Unk, I heard from the last March Madness that the guys that were playing, so they're what 18 to 23-ish.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

Those guys said, if you're born any time before 19 in the 1990s, you're considered unk and auntie. And unfortunately, we both fall in that range. So I guess we're both unk and auntie.

SPEAKER_04 12:14

I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it whole stack with you. I don't care what y'all say. We are not unk and auntie.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

I mean, I am not. I'm still young.

SPEAKER_04 12:24

Live forever 20 more, but just turn 30. Not yet. I can't wait to say that line to you. But what I'm saying though is we are not unk and auntie. We are big bro and big sis. If anything.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

I would agree. And I don't even have I don't even act like big sis, to be honest. Because all my friends are older than me. So I'm the little sis to them.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

Well, even still, don't you?

SPEAKER_02 12:46

All your friends are older than you.

SPEAKER_04 12:48

I mean, I get in where I think, you know, they respect the gangster in me, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Okay, Broward County. Hey, so what we want to do is kind of streamline the transitions and the format of the podcast. So we always want to start off with what happened last week, what are some highlights from last week, and then we kind of jump into uh some current events and our perspective on those things. Sure, right?

SPEAKER_04 13:16

Sounds good, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

So what was a highlight from last week?

SPEAKER_04 13:22

You know, I was going back and forth about talking about this because I've already said it openly. Sure. So and now it's not necessarily something that I used to be in in the in the shadows, like if someone finds this out about me, I'm just gonna like look, it is what it is. We had our immigration meeting yesterday. Well, not yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

It was we did have an immigration meeting on the weekend. No, it was last Monday.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

Yeah. If y'all don't really know, um I am an immigrant. I'm not sure if you could tell by the British accent, but I do hail from England.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

I just keep thinking about your granddad.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

Shout, shout gramps.

SPEAKER_02 14:06

I'm gonna start crying because I just am thinking about the millions of times that you've done impersonations of your granddad. Okay, whom I've never met. Okay, respectfully though, respectfully. Are you tearing up with everyone? I'm just thinking about Oh, you never called me, you never call me, man.

SPEAKER_04 14:23

Do you know what? If he hears that, he's gonna be like, oh, so he does seem not me calling.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

And the thing about it is, we've been married for two years almost, and we've been together for like almost five, and I've never talked to your granddad.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

Okay, so this is another thing about me, and some of my closest friends know this about me. My impersonations are actually kind of top tier. So because I am an immigrant, we haven't had the opportunity to travel to England. I'm kind of working on my papers, you know, trying to work on my stuff, you know. But she hasn't met a lot of these people that I'm related to, so I have to do impersonations to give us some kind of scope, you know. Remember when I started doing my impersonations of my brothers?

SPEAKER_02 15:04

Yeah, and that had me dead. And I think what's even worse is it's one thing to do an impersonation of someone before you meet them. Because I have nothing to go off of, right? I'm just like, yeah, okay, this is funny because you're funny. But when I met some of them and I was meeting them for the first time, and they matched the impersonation that you did, it was really hard for me to meet them in good face.

SPEAKER_04 15:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

I probably shake their hand and say, like, it's a pleasure to meet you, because I'm just thinking about you in the background just doing some shit, and then just go, yeah. And the other problem is when I'm meeting them, you're kind of like so I can't keep a straight face, and then you're doing that. He does it's like cheekish grin in the corner. I'm like, why are you doing that?

SPEAKER_04 15:51

Okay, if you just putting it out there, if you know me in real life, I've met you. Chances are if I've talked about you to my missus, I have done an impersonation of you. I it's it's a practice of mine. I like to, it's a pastime of mine, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

It's great, and yeah, you're really good at impersonations. I just don't like when you impersonate my dad because it's just too weird. Don't do it.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

Hey dad. So by the way, I see you commenting on Sparfine, and just know I appreciate you so much for actually giving us the good energy. It's like, love y'all. Oh, oh, honey.

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Okay, also that kind of sounds like Barack Obama.

SPEAKER_04 16:29

So I'm not only dad is presidential. Don't don't disrespect dad like that. Your dad is presidential, if not mayoral. I wouldn't be surprised.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

He should he should run for mayor.

SPEAKER_04 16:39

Because you are the mayor.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Yeah, you are also a mayor, too. So I don't know, maybe one day we can jump into politics.

SPEAKER_04 16:46

Not with this immigrant style, so I'll tell you that right now.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Yeah, but we're working on it. So back to that.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

Back to that. Yeah, I had my um immigration meeting. Um, you know, it's it's been a long time coming, but I think it went fairly well. Uh hopefully I could get that green card. That would be real nice.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

There's like a little fruit fly. I'm so annoyed with these fruit flies.

SPEAKER_04 17:08

Don't worry about that.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Yeah, we I mean, so I guess the good thing is is that it's hopefully in production or something. I don't know. We need to look at that paper that that guy gave us. I just want to say for the record, I've had to go to a lot of different US government-sanctioned businesses or establishments.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Really?

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Yeah, because if you think about it, I had to change my name. So I had to go to the Social Security office. Yeah. I had to go to the DMV because I had to get a Nevada license and I had to change my last name. And then I've been to the immigration office. And it just I don't know why all of these government places are just they they collect the most wackiest of folks.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

Oh, like the people that work there?

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Yes. Always just uh they're just the most interesting conglomeration of people. And I never can understand it's kind of to my point last episode about hiring. I I would love to know the strategy of hiring when it comes to these types of people. Because I'm like, first of all, why would you why do you choose to work in this immigration office? And then are you having a good time? Because the office that we went into for the interview, I don't even know if we talked about this or if you realized it. Did you realize there was two tiny windows in there?

SPEAKER_04 18:31

Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

With a huge wall that blocked the majority. And I'm thinking, this poor man has to sit in this office, it's like a cave, and he just has a bunch of antiquated objects in here.

SPEAKER_04 18:44

But I mean, I guess it's it's this happy place, you know. I I personally believe, and this is my theory, I think that it's very much like when you take public transportation or you have to go to the DMV. We live a very niche and almost secluded life where it's almost the people that we're around is like kind of kind of semi-curated, but when we have to be amongst regular people, we're like, oh, this oh what is that, you know? Yeah, it's always it's always interesting. Especially me.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Yeah, you don't I don't like any of that. We went someone the other day, and um so my mom asked me last night where this comes from, as if she didn't keep a clean home and wasn't calling out people's baseboards. Uh love you mom.

SPEAKER_04 19:36

Stray.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

But no, it's not straight, it's like for real, and I appreciate her because now I don't have a dirty house. But we went, we go places. Oh, it's dirty in here?

SPEAKER_04 19:45

No, I'm just saying I I was thinking I'm the one that keeps it dirty. So yeah, I mean bike is cleaned relatively quickly. But see, sorry, please.

SPEAKER_02 19:53

But we went somewhere the other day and Blair is Blair loves to sit down. Okay, he's a chronic sitter, and he loves to not necessarily be horizontal, but he likes to be sitting in a position somewhere. So if I'm like, hey, let's walk to this place, he's like, I don't want to walk, and I'm like, okay, well, I'm gonna walk anyway, then he'll end up walking. Or if we have an option to stand or sit, he wants to sit every single time. I personally like to stand because I don't want to sit all day long. My back starts to hurt just too much.

SPEAKER_04 20:23

Again, the context. I'm a dancer, I'm a professional athlete.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

You act like I don't walk around and work out and do all the things that you do.

SPEAKER_04 20:31

Yeah, yeah. Right. I do, and I'm surprised. That's why you don't be sitting as much. I want to I love a good seat. This right here, comfy.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

It's a great seat. Well, so the other day we we go somewhere and we're in someone else's abode, and Blair's looking for a place to sit down. And we know, he knows damn well. I don't sit down in people's homes. I don't know, especially when I don't know the cleanliness level of the home. So he's like, You want to sit down right here? And I'm like, no, thank you. And then he's like, what about right here? I'm like, no, thank you. And he's looking at me like I've said no to his proposal. And I'm like, you know, I don't like sitting down. I said, Blair, when is the last time? Do we know when this thing has been cleaned? It's upholstered. Probably never. So I don't want any sort of juices, buggers, clippings, anything that's not mine, I don't want it on my clothes. I gotta come home, wash the clothes. Yeah. So anyway, for all of you out there who take a few seconds to think about whether you want to sit down on someone's raggedy couch or chairs, I see you. Because my husband would rather just sit down somewhere, even if it meant we're sitting in God knows what.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

This is how you know this lady doesn't take public transport. Because everybody knows when you do this and all that dust starts flying up.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Sorry, why do you do that?

SPEAKER_04 21:51

To see the fireworks.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

You really did that in the in the bus?

SPEAKER_04 21:56

Anyway, let's go back. So, where do we jump off from?

SPEAKER_02 22:01

How did I get on that tangent?

SPEAKER_04 22:03

Do you know last week did an immigration mean? That was a highlight. What was the other thing that we did last week?

SPEAKER_02 22:09

What did we do last week? Um I mean there's some things that we've done, but we are, and for those of you that know, and for those that you don't, it's coming. Uh we just can't talk about it right now. But um we we spent some time together. I think on we oh we did get to go back to Howl and Rays, which I love chicken tenders, love them, but not any kind. I'm kind of um a princess when it comes to them. So we got to go back to Howl and Rays because the last time we went to Howl and Rays, it was you all we were Howl and not me, but you ate too hot of chicken tender. So that was like a highlight for me. Um and yeah, I think it was just like an overall a good week.

SPEAKER_04 22:56

Yeah, speaking of Howl and Rays, while we were out there, a topic of conversation came up, and it just so happened to be about Tyler the Craya. Now, sorry, we gotta do this. I have a personal beef with Tyler the Cray, but it looks like your boy getting cancelled, your little boyfriend getting cancelled. I'm sorry about that.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

It's funny that you call him my little boyfriend because I'm married.

SPEAKER_04 23:21

Uh that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

And if you really want to be, if you really are about that life, go ahead and stitch the video in here.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Okay, all right, I stitch it over. I've still I've told this story to a lot of people, but I don't think I've shared this story with you.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Who have you told this story?

SPEAKER_04 23:36

Every time I'm with you, I've shared the story.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

I was like, you're not just sharing this on your own. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Right, okay.

SPEAKER_04 23:41

All right, look. So if you don't know, last week Tyler Career got in some hot water, okay? They're they're trying to get my boy up out the paint. Now, even though I have a personal beef with Tyler Corea, I would have never wished someone to get cancelled unless it was justifiable. But why do I have a personal beef with Tyler Career? You might ask. So here it goes. Do you want to jump in before I tell the story?

SPEAKER_02 24:07

No, I'm gonna see what you're gonna say.

SPEAKER_04 24:09

So there I was. It was a regular day, like every other day. We end up going to the Tyler Career concert. Now, if you know anything about me and my missus, we're kind of bougie. So what do we do? We do VIP, okay? We need packages, I need I need laminates, I need goodies, all that good stuff, right? So, anyway, we go there, we invite a friend of ours, all right? Shout out to Brendan, shout out to you, my boy. Anyway, we go to this concert, get there a little bit early, get drinks, everything's a good time. We actually end up going into the venue because, like VIP do, we decide to go to the floor seats. Now, me, I like getting straight to where the barricades are, get as close as you possibly can because I want to see my artists. I want to see this is why we go in here, you know. Chroma group, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm trying to see Tyler Creator be like, you know, gotta perform. This is my best Tyler Creator impersonator, teeth glistening, skin glowing. Yeah, she loves all of that. Look, a little boyfriend. Look, anyway, so Tyler comes out, the concert's going great. We're like right next to the um shipping container. Now he's got his mask on and he's doing his things, walking back and forth. At some point, I'm recording. I have Khalir on the front of the barricade. I'm behind her, I'm recording. I'm like this, smiling and whatnot. At some point, Tyler Craig kind of he doesn't do a double take, but I noticed that he's looking over in our direction more than a couple times. So as I'm recording, I'm like, is this guy, is this guy looking at us? Like, hey, what's going on? And then it dawned on me. Look at her smiling. Look, look, look, look, look. Look at her face. Look at that beautiful face. All right.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

It just is so funny to hear this from your perspective. And that's why I'm laughing.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

I'm glad it's funny to you because it wasn't funny at the time. Right now. I'm holding my phone, I'm looking at him, he's looking at us, and then I look at Calia at the back of her head. Back of her head is beautiful. And I thought to myself, wait, hold on a second. He's not looking at me, he's looking at her. Now, for a second, I'm like, hey, look, Tyler, you got great taste. It is what it is. I like her too. She's beautiful. This is when things get sketchy. As I'm behind, I see security go up to my wife. He goes, I didn't hear what they said. But she said he said something to her, she said something back, and I'm I'm behind, I'm still recording. I at one point I put my phone down because I'm like, maybe I gotta really lock in because it's the security girl trying to holler out my wife. He's gonna need security. Anyway, so he comes up again, and then she must have said something, and then I'm like, okay, what's going on? I also yo, what what what old boy asked you? She said, Oh, Tyler wanted to see if I'm gonna come backstage. Men talk to me, talk to me. What do you do in this position? Do you A crash out, start a marsh fight because you're seething with anger? Two, do you grab your missus and leave the establishment as fast as you possibly can? Do you three jump off the barricades and try and fight Tyler Cray? Or D do nothing. Or my personal favorite, E, all of the above. I didn't do anything, okay? Because I, you know, I'm I'm trying to because you know you want to be, you know what I mean? You you don't want to crash out, and there's no reason to crash out. By the way, she was like, oh no, I'm with my husband, so the guy left, right? But it was still awkward, and even my boy over there looking like this, he he's like, ugh, right? But that's all fine and dandy. Look, it is what it is. Look at my missus, she's a beautiful woman. But the problem is what happened after the fact. We get inside the car.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

No, mind you, you skip the part where he we're like leaving the venue. I'm like, let's get a picture. He like is kind of trying to be a little bit apprehensive to get in a photo with me because he's feeling away. And then we're trying to get out of the venue, and he's just like Blair does his thing typically, so it's not an odd behavior, but when we're trying to go somewhere, he he walks as if we're in New York City and it's blizzarding outside.

SPEAKER_04 28:37

Maybe I've got a New York state of mind, right?

SPEAKER_02 28:39

But so he sprints and he's like leaving me behind.

SPEAKER_04 28:42

No, okay, you're making it sound like I'm trying to leave you because I don't like you, and that's not the case. No, you're just annoyed. Remember, we are leaving a concert. You know, all them people out there, it's like when we go to a movie theater, you don't want to be behind everyone and just sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

It was bad timing. And then I'm like, baby, that was a great concert.

SPEAKER_04 29:02

And then you're just kind of like I couldn't say anything because at the same time, I don't know how to feel. You know what I mean? Because I'm like, I just had I'm having this feeling of like, yo, Tyler Craig just tried to take my girl, you know, low key, low, low, low-key, right? It's kind of like the boondocks episode. He's like, I can see your girl being taken by T.I., but Usher, you know what I mean? No, you've never watched Boondocks.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

I mean, I wasn't allowed to watch Boondocks.

SPEAKER_04 29:27

Anywho, get inside the car. This woman asks me, hey babe, can you play Wilshire? Wilshire? Is it Wilshire? It's Wilshire, yes. Wilshire. Now, if you know anything about this Tyler Carey song, and I'll probably play it a little bit in the background. This song is him literally going on a rant talking about how he befriended this girl who had a boyfriend and then ends up taking the girl from the guy. Wallahi. What do you mean? Am I a dickhead in life? I am a cuck.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

I just like the song. I wasn't listening to the lyrics.

SPEAKER_04 30:08

We all know why she likes the song. She's got fantasies, apparently. Jeez, Louise.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

No, I don't have a fantasy. And it's like I have Tyler the Creator, vintage cheese and posters. Like, I'm not a super fan. I was at the concert. You put me against the barricade. He saw me. I don't know what you want me to do. Then Blair goes, just look down. I'm like, okay. So you want me to be singing songs, but then be like this.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Yeah, because literally, and no disrespect, but you're watching a concert like this.

SPEAKER_02 30:35

Okay, you don't you can't even see me though. Hi, Tyler. Hey.

SPEAKER_04 30:41

People can't see me.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

You're making this shit up.

SPEAKER_04 30:44

Oh, I can see you.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

You said he's at the back of my button. How are you gonna see my face?

SPEAKER_04 30:48

I cause your head going like this. I can only imagine. Tyler, like oh hey. It's fine though. It's fine. But look, so Tyler Creator, apparently he's getting cancelled. And honestly, even though we're mortal enemies, I wouldn't wish that on you, my guy. I really like your one song. I hope you moonwalk through all of the controversies in them loafers.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

Well, maybe we should put that video of you when you got your loafers, then you put that button down on.

SPEAKER_04 31:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking I'm already thinking about editing and like putting all of the footage and then taking your video because then she posts it on TikTok. Hey, Tyler, with three whys. Matter of fact, I think it was seven. Yo, I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

It's okay. Here's the thing. We're still married, uh, and it's fine.

SPEAKER_04 31:39

Do you know what I think? I think um maybe some people would think when you become in a marriage, yes, we're in a secure relationship, but there are gonna be moments individually where you might have to be like, uh I'm still kind of protective, or I might still be a little bit jealous, and you have to like really communicate that with your partner and just speak about what those boundaries are. Now, for me, I already know that I love you, and I know you ain't going nowhere. My little ball and chain.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 32:12

But also at the same time, it was an interesting moment to think okay, like I know like he's not some random dude, but if you have someone that has more money, established, going for like great career, skin glowing, teeth glistening, car parked right out of the bag. Like, if you have a person that's got everything and that can like literally take a go, how do you how do you communicate?

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Yeah, I mean, I I can understand that.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

As she looks over and she's like, Yeah, yeah. I could have it, couldn't I? Oh my god. No, I mean securities are bubbling up in the right now.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

But I do think I talked to my mom about this obviously when it happened, and we had a conversation around like, hey, this might be the first time that Blair is experiencing firsthand what you've already experienced with him firsthand, because I hold on. You were at Magic Mike when we first when we were dating, not like first, but in the first year of us dating, you were at Magic Mike. And I wanted you to fully experience what it was like to to do that show. Like, how many times in your life are you gonna be able to be in a Magic Mike show or um do that kind of work for a living without it feeling trashy or like like that your body is just being used, you know? Uh and we had a lot of conversations around like uh this fly is really doing the most. Um, we had conversations around like, hey, you know, how do you how do you push boundaries and not break the rules? And how do you coexist in these spaces where like this is your job? Like your job is to give a lady a lap dance and to make it look realistic and to make her feel like um she's the only person in the room. Uh, but I remember you asked me a question right when you got to Miami for Magic Mike and you said to me, Okay, Rabe, I have a serious question for you. Would you rather me lick whipped cream every night off of a girl's neck? Or would you like want me to show my butt naked bum? And I said, obviously show your naked bum because you're not licking on any girl. So I think you know, that was the first time that you've experienced firsthand someone else not shooting their shot, but looking at me a certain kind of way, because yeah, people stare at me, but it's not the same thing as someone trying to say, like, yo, is your boyfriend behind you? Like, let me get my security guard to pull you to the back.

SPEAKER_04 34:50

Pull you to the back is crazy. Well, I mean, I I I guess I kind of see where you're coming from. It was an occupational hazard, you know. And I never once was like, hey, you just gonna have to deal with it. It's my job. We've had many a conversation. Uh we gotta check in. In fact, go back to first season of uh the Sinktoe Podcast. We we talked about it then.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:10

Um, but yeah, as far as navigating that, I I had to really like dig deep in myself. I'm like, am I really, am I really jealous? Do I feel like this relationship can be kaput? And obviously not.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Is this why you wore a cardigan today? Because you knew we were talking about this story.

SPEAKER_04 35:29

Do you know what? No, no, no. But I feel like I should get my loafers now. Complete the whole look. Okay, what else? What else? Um, what else were we supposed to be talking about today?

SPEAKER_02 35:41

So I got sent uh a video by my trainer. Shout out, shout out to our our favorite guy, uh, guy trainer Dion. But he sent me this video and he's like, yo, this is a pod topic. And it was basically a video of this man showing, yeah, I knew you'd like this video, showing off his wedding ring. So uh obviously insinuating that he had just gotten married. And I guess he had like finished eating, I think. And he put his bowl on the coffee table. And now his wife is sitting next to him, and he kind of just like looks at her and like points to the bowl, and she gets up, walks, grabs it, and at what I assume she goes to clean it. Is that what you expected of me?

SPEAKER_04 36:26

If I have to say it, probably doesn't mean it's gonna happen. Absolutely not. Yeah, I don't know why though. I think it kind of taps into the whole like gender roles, I guess you could say, in cis heteronormative marital dynamics.

SPEAKER_02 36:45

Wow, that boy nice.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

I told you, I'm I'm uh I be learning. Um yeah, I don't I don't think I expect you to do anything for me, and that's kind of wild. Sometimes I kind of have to ask you to stop doing things for me because I just feel bad. Like you literally do everything under the sun possibly for me to just make my life easier, to make things make me feel a little bit more loved, happier. But I'm never gonna like finish a bowl and just be like, hey, listen, woman, pick up this bowl. Go ahead, wash the dishes. I take care of the dishes actually more often than not.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

Sometimes, if you remember to do them all. We've learned that Blair makes priority washing decisions based off of how big the item is.

SPEAKER_04 37:34

Not the time to be talking about this. Yes, I'll figure point and stop that.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Now you're pointing at me to go wash the bowl. Yeah, that's uh you know. No. If anyone did that to me, I would say no. Because I'm not your maid. Uh you have two legs at work, you have two arms at work, and you can go to wash dishes. Now, if we've come up, if you're like, hey babe, I'm having a rough day, or hey, my arm hurts because I I danced and something happened to it, okay, great. Then I've got you. I will make the decision to support and help you. But pointing or snapping or commanding a grown-up to do something is egregious behavior, and it's I it's subservience, but at its most unchecked level.

SPEAKER_04 38:25

So you're an unruly woman. That's what you're basically.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

I always tell you this, and you don't believe me.

SPEAKER_04 38:31

I believed that when I first met you.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

What what was the first indicator that I was quote unquote unruly?

SPEAKER_04 38:38

I think you said that you read a book or two, and I was like, oh my god, gotta stop this woman. You said, are these part of the band book list? Let me look. That is hilarious. No, um, I don't think I had um any specific moment that I was like, this is an unruly woman. First of all, I don't think of you as an unruly woman. We gotta reframe that. Maybe I would say you're a I don't even like the word, headstrong. I I I I like the idea of you're um intentional woman, and you have you have the most, in my opinion, the best kind of moral compass to say, hey, this is why I believe in this is the direction I'm gonna move in. Sometimes you'll be like, hey, I have to do this for you. Like that this is just what it is.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Yeah, I've learned that.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

And I and I've appreciated that. I have given you the feedback about you know grabbing things out of my hand and then being like, I'm making an executive decision. I'm like, excuse me.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

Yeah, sometimes you have to make executive decisions, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:42

But I mean, that comes into the whole aspect of being in a marriage. This is my first marriage. What about you? Really?

SPEAKER_02 39:50

I'm just kidding. This is my first marriage.

SPEAKER_04 39:56

Um so as far as like understanding how our dynamic is gonna be, we've been together for four years, and I I used to have this mindset of if we're in a marriage, we're in a collaborate collaborative effort. So everything has to be not necessarily 50-50 when it comes to decision making, but I've come to find out you're like, hey, look, I need you to make a decision, and I will support that decision. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm taking a lead. This is this it's so different for me. But now I've I find it more easier to to adhere to that because you're just the type of person to be an advocate, and you want me to be feel galvanized to be trusting in my own decision makings. So I love that aspect. But then when I'm like, hey, can you wash out this ball for me? I know that you're gonna be like, eh, I don't expect you to, but if I feel like it.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

Yeah, I think it's also the energy.

SPEAKER_04 40:53

Damn, bell hooks, not playing.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Look right there.

SPEAKER_04 40:58

Got the all about love, awesome bell hooks.

SPEAKER_02 41:01

Okay, yeah, so no, that that video is no for me. And um, yeah, I don't I don't I don't know anyone. I don't think I have any close friends. Maybe you can attest to this. I don't I don't have any close friends or family that that I am close to that allows that type of behavior to go on within their marriage. Or the relationship.

SPEAKER_04 41:27

I I would suspect you can. This is probably gonna sound wild, but I'm just gonna say it, and then we'll work through it later. There's a way to make your partner do things without snapping your fingers and be make your partner do things. There's there's ways that you make me do things without being like, do this.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

What do I make you do?

SPEAKER_04 41:48

Well, first of all, the things that need to be done, that's first and foremost. It's not like a crazy arse. But let's say, for example, if if the laundry needs to be done, you would say, you know, you wouldn't be like, hey, get your ass up, go do that laundry. You would never say that, but you might say something to the effect of hey sweetheart, would you be able to insert any kind of talking about? Yeah, sure. Because it's for the sake of the partnership.

SPEAKER_02 42:18

I thought you were gonna say what I just did the other day, which was not intentional, but you thought it was because remember when I was doing laundry and then I left the piles of laundry in the highway. IQ moves. I didn't do it on purpose, but it kind of worked.

SPEAKER_04 42:32

So I'm gonna I'm not gonna put you on blast. I'm just gonna open up a little bit of a Honestly blast me. Okay, hey yo. Um, I'm just gonna provide some insight. Khalia is right. When things need to be done, you can see they need to be done, and it needs to be done. For me, it doesn't translate to that. I don't link when I see things that need to be done, do them now. It's kind of like uh when the straw's about to break the camel's back, then I'll go ahead and do it. And it doesn't need to be like that. But what Khalia done is she left, she was supposed to do laundry because that's her job as a wife. So she left them all out on the floor. Now they will organize in patterns, and then she has to go to work. She's a working woman, like I said, unruly, right? But I'm home, and when I saw all the piles, I said, Why am I gonna leave these out? I should probably do this laundry. So I started doing the laundry. Then when she calls me, she's like, Hey, what you doing? I said, I'm doing this laundry that you left out. She said, Thank you. Now, if you do that all the time, I'm always gonna because we're a partnership. We do things for the house.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

Yeah, I think yeah, to your point, you just need to be reminded I d so that that's an interesting one because usually the clothes are in the hamper. So I can get why you would say when I say to you, can't obviously these things need to get done because it's they're full the hamper is full.

SPEAKER_04 43:57

It's not would you consider that passive aggressive or

SPEAKER_02 44:00

Me saying that?

SPEAKER_04 44:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:01

No.

SPEAKER_04 44:02

No.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

Because I'm just I'm like just being honest. Like, hey, dude, you see the hamper is full, the clothes need to get washed.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

And you're like, she'd be nagging me, bruh. Can't get off my back, bruh.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

And then you're like, I don't, I don't really I don't I don't think that way. And I'm thinking. So now it's interesting because yeah, if the clothes are out, you see them and you have to walk past them to go into the bathroom. So yeah, maybe I'll start doing more of those kind of things.

SPEAKER_04 44:27

Maybe you just start leaving the place today and I'll just clean it up.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

No, because I can't operate in that even last night I came home. Did you realize I like cleaned up that entire dinner?

SPEAKER_04 44:34

I did.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

No, not the house, just the table.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

The table looked beautiful, baby.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Okay, anywho. Uh anywho. So yeah. Uh what was the other video? Oh, you you had sent some actually, yes. Crazy TikTok.

SPEAKER_04 44:50

Let's get into some TikTok topics. Okay, so there's this video that's going around right now. It's it's making this round. It's a video of this woman. I'm probably into it here. There's a woman that is in a restaurant, and I guess someone's recording her. And I guess her fiance proposed to her. So she's in the camera. So you didn't watch this? I did. Okay. So she's in the camera. She's like, they'll tell me they told me not to make his lunch. They told me not to take him out to dinner. And the the girls are like hyping her up. She's like, now look at me, I got the ring. I got the ring. Now it's rubbed some people the wrong way. There are some now. Don't get me wrong, there's some people that are like, yes, girl, do your thing for your man. This, that, and the third. Love that for you. Now there's another section on the internet that are saying being married isn't a flex. That's what they're saying. I don't know. Your algorithm might look different from mine, but I I'd like to see both sides. What people say.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

I didn't even see this tick to I don't the TikToks that you put in the notes before we record, I've never seen them before. My TikTok is news and that's and holidays are coming up, so let's decorate our home. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:05

But what I'm saying though is for this viral clip that's going around, I wanted to get your thoughts on is marriage a flex to you? And if so, do you have people around you that feel the same way, or are that do you have some people that are like, girl, you signed up, you can sign up to be a wife, but not sign up to be a maid? I don't know. I don't know. I I and mind you, I am not coming at anybody sideways. I I can kind of see both sides, but I wanted to see your perspective. How do you feel about that? Like, for example, when I proposed to you, did you think, damn, I'm gonna be this man's bed maiden for the rest of my life? Or like, how did you feel?

SPEAKER_02 46:49

How did I feel when you proposed to me? I felt excited. Hence, we can insert some video and photo of me like running around doing that and like just couldn't believe it. Uh, I do think that marriage is a flex to the right person. And I don't know why you wouldn't want to be married. I think financially it's a smart decision because you filed taxes jointly, so you don't get taxed as much as if you're an individual contributor filing taxes on your own. Uh, you can do more with two people, right? Like your spending power is more. Um, you can share a life with somebody, you can create a feeling with somebody, you can you have like a built-in best friend, I think if you do it correctly. So, yes, along with those things comes this notion that I might have to have more conversations with you around how I like things to be done inside the home. If we are not following gender norms, uh, that if we both work, there's things that we both have to do to ensure that the household stays in a certain kind of condition. So I wouldn't say that the latter of what I said is me being a maid, but I do think there's a level of care taking that exists because I am a woman and there's a nurturing side of me that wants to make sure that like things are good for you and that things are good for our home. But I don't see that as a burden or a hindrance to like wanting to be married.

SPEAKER_04 48:15

So you got the endurance to be a maid, keg of a bed maiden.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

I think what I've learned from my parents' relationship is that there are certain things my mom has given feedback about for many years since I was a child. And my dad still doesn't do them. For example, my dad loves to to keep napkins in his pockets and accoutrements in there. Yeah, you also do the same thing. So when we live started living together, I call I called my mom and I said, Mom, why did I marry dad?

SPEAKER_03 48:53

Shout out you, Dad.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

Right. And shout out to my mom for doing laundry. Co cuts all these years. Yeah, yeah, don't turn the microphone, it's gonna blow everyone's ears out. But to her point and to mine, it's like I could be a dead horse every day, saying, Blair, you need to empty your pockets and stop putting things in there. And why do you have to crumple up 17 different paper towels and napkins and um business cards from the Venetian? Like, you just have all these things. Also, this bug is on me.

SPEAKER_04 49:23

This bug really likes you.

SPEAKER_02 49:24

Oh, because I tried to kill it earlier. I think it's mad at me. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 49:30

Do you know why, baby, that that bug was around you so much? Why? It's because you're so fly.

SPEAKER_02 49:38

Anywho, so my mom was like, hey. I've been giving your dad the feedback for many, many years. And I'm like, okay, so you what I'm taking away from her saying that is there's certain things that you're gonna do that are gonna drive me up a fucking wall. And they do. But over the last couple years, what I've tried to do is say, okay, how important is this really? How much of a burden is it really for me to complete it? And if I can't, if I can't give him the feedback and he makes immediate changes, will I be okay? Like, is this divorce worthy or not? And everything is not, nothing is divorce worthy, in my opinion, when it comes to an inability to do something different when it comes to how you put your laundry in the hamper or like those tiny things in life that don't really matter. So I'm like, you know what? Pick my battles. I don't give you feedback about what's in your pockets, I don't give you feedback about certain things. Now, every now and again I will, but your bedside table always has things in it. I just clean it out every like quarter and then I let you mess it up again. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 50:42

So what you're saying is, ladies, ladies, ladies, please, if your man ain't doing it right, you still can get married and everything gonna be alright.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

What is that? What is that voice? TikTok soft. Yeah, wild, wild work. So, yeah, I mean, what's your take about it?

SPEAKER_04 51:05

Is marriage a flex? If it's with the right person, that's you, baby.

SPEAKER_02 51:10

Doesn't say choose wisely what you say.

SPEAKER_04 51:14

You are the best. I I will I will sing your praises every chance I get. And do you do you know what? I don't even have to do that because people know. People know they know how I show up in the world. I like you used to say, yeah, before you were married to me, house just dusty, wearing skinny jeans, tight shirts, and leather, leather jackets on a spirit flight to wherever I'm at. Like you you call me out, but you know, they call this the black wife effect, but I think you elevated that. This is the clear effect. Y'all ain't gonna ever feel this way because you're never gonna be married to her. That's me. But what I'm saying is you've elevated my lifestyle. I am flexing on everybody, and it's less about what I physically look like, it's how I think. I think you really elevated the way that I think, and I'm not saying every marriage is one size fistle, it's always going to be that way. But if you find the right person, they will elevate you. I used to be over at one job for eight years, and then you come into my life, and then everything changed for the better, elevated in a genuine song.

SPEAKER_02 52:21

My whole life has changed. Hey, remember when you got a bunch of views on that TikTok because you started doing runs?

SPEAKER_04 52:31

Oh, remember with um with uh the Kalani freestyle? Yo, that is kind of trippy.

SPEAKER_02 52:38

Yeah, that was well, that was pretty good. That that vocal was pretty good. Okay, that is a lot.

SPEAKER_04 52:46

Okay, so um, I am not ready to, you know, jump into my singing career quite yet, but yeah, I I I adhere to everything I said. Like, you've elevated me in every single kind of way, and I think if you find the right person, and I'm not saying women you should settle. That's not what I'm saying. Men, I'm not saying you should settle. I'm not saying anyone should settle. I'm just saying if you find the right person that you can tell that what makes you want to be a better person and elevate you in any kind of way, you might want to keep that person around. Put a ring on it. Just saying.

SPEAKER_02 53:21

Yeah. Hey, thanks for making me your wife.

SPEAKER_04 53:24

And thanks for making me your husband.

SPEAKER_02 53:27

I mean, you thought I wasn't gonna say yes, but obviously there is no other answer. I had no choice.

SPEAKER_04 53:33

All you gotta do is say yes.

SPEAKER_02 53:36

Singing today, huh?

SPEAKER_04 53:37

Yeah, I know. I don't know. Maybe I'm feeling kinda I'm I'm in my happy place. I'm in my little living room.

SPEAKER_02 53:43

I'm in my house. Okay, one thing I did want to know is I did talk some real big shit about Love is Blind. And I'm gonna say one thing and one thing only, which is this season the collective has agreed that it's whack and it's continued to be whack. But I have had more laughs and giggles in these last few episodes than I had in the previous ones, because the crash outs are wild, and I want to ask you because I don't want to spend time talking about Les Blind so much since we did that last episode, but I do want to ask you if when we were dating, if I crashed out in in ways that these folks are showing themselves, what would be your approach? Would that set like automatically end the relationship? Would you create the roster and put me at the bottom? Like, what would happen to me if I were to crash out at the level in which these crash outs are happening?

SPEAKER_04 54:51

Yeah, I I'm I I feel everyone should be loved and respected. And when someone is sharing their emotions, especially with someone that they care for, hopefully there's a level of reciprocity that you can feel secured in being heard and having your feelings validated and all of that kind of stuff. That being said, I don't think I would be the right person for you. I gotta I'm just saying I would have to be like, hey, maybe you gotta do some therapy. And it's not it's not that I want to break up with you, it's just saying, hey, maybe maybe I might not have the necessary tools or resources to give you the support that you need, because some of these crash-outs seem like it's something way personal to them and not necessarily their partner. And I'm not saying these women or men or however they identify are unlov unlovable just because of how they may react and deal with their emotions. What do you say? They're emotionally unregulated. Yeah, I'm not saying they're unworthy of love or they they can't be loved. I'm just saying you might have to do some personal work in order to get that situated because I've seen that before, and not not the business personally. I know I it is what it is. Some people just gotta do therapy, and not everyone has the necessary funds or the resources to get therapy, but it it will only have nothing but positive benefits for you. Just don't expect your partner to be your therapist, also, like yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:39

This this season has had some really unregulated emotional behaviors that I haven't seen in previous previous episodes, and I don't know that if that's like a just this bunch is that way, or if that's if that's a microcosm of kind of like what the world looks like right now with so much going on and people's just like our access to social media and then there just being so many conversations and like people are so divided on other like opposite sides of the coin. And so I don't know if if it's shedding light on a different thing that's happening in the world, and maybe all future episodes of Love is Blind and seasons will look like this because of the world, but it has been frightening to say the least.

SPEAKER_04 57:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:24

So I wish them all the best.

SPEAKER_04 57:26

I think they said that the love is done love is blind production does psych eval tests and whatnot, and maybe they need another. They need to um go to a third party to know what I mean, because some of these people, you know, not all not not all TV is good TV, and sometimes maybe, you know, we need people that are more emotional and you know have very specific react like maybe they'll be like that's good for TV.

SPEAKER_02 57:58

Sure, yeah, good for TV, which is not good for a dating show. Yeah. Anyway, I just was curious what your thoughts were about that because when you fell asleep earlier and I was still watching it, there was another one.

SPEAKER_00 58:11

Who?

SPEAKER_02 58:12

The same the same couple when the girl left the room. I don't remember her name. It's Joe and who crushed that?

SPEAKER_04 58:20

Was it her or was it him?

SPEAKER_02 58:21

She did. Yeah, I she left her ring on the counter. And she left the apartment.

SPEAKER_04 58:28

I'm gonna make I'm gonna say something just real quick. Sure. If you threaten to break up with your person that you're dating because of how you emotionally feel in that moment, I do not have faith in you. I do not trust you, and I think that person should run for the hills.

SPEAKER_02 58:44

This sounds personal.

SPEAKER_04 58:45

I I've personally been in situations where, oh my god, I think we should break up then. And do you know what? Bye. It's not bye at the time. I'm like, maybe we can make this work. There's something in me that says, I've got the endurance to make this happen. But long gone are the days where we threaten the relationship because you emotionally might feel so viscerally betrayed.

SPEAKER_02 59:15

But we also just don't need to threaten anything in a relationship to make someone behave in a particular way. That's the last episode where I said people are trying to take away sex. And I'm like, you you can't just say we're taking sex away. That we don't threaten people. This is not, um we're not children. The problem is there's a like a root cause problem that we need to identify, which is not the thing that makes you pissed off. You want to take sex away, but like, what are you really mad about? Address that problem. You want to break up. Okay, what are you really mad about? That you have an inability to express your feelings and you're frustrated because someone can't understand and mind read you, then that's the fucking problem. But all this like threatening shit, I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:03

I I mean, but at the same time, I think it's a byproduct of how some people grew up. Like, how many times have these people grown up with parents that say, Oh, you're grounded, like you didn't behave in the way that I wanted you. I'm revoking your cell phone privileges, I'm taking your tie away. That they're just sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:18

And I do think that there's I do think in parenting there are lessons that you have to provide to children, and I think you can frame them in a way that's not like because you did X, I'm going to do this, because that can constitute as conditional, that's like a conditional sort of relationship.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:33

Where it's like, hey, I'm gonna give you an opportunity. But the way that you talk to a kid when you're trying to teach lessons so that they can grow up with a certain sort of like baseline of like, hey, you have this toy, you love your toy, right? Okay, the way that you're acting right now is not appropriate. So if you continue the behavior of screaming and crying, then I will need to take the toy away so it can have a timeout, and then you will take a rest from this from the toy and so you can come back and you're regulated. I don't speak to adults like that because I'm not in control of you. If you don't know how to identify your emotions and then say how you feel out loud to me, and then say what you're gonna do to fix it or ask for support, I am not your I am not your parent. And I think a lot of times we try to like use parenting skills to force partners to do things and we're not their parents. I'm not your parent.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:24

But how how do you communicate how someone can break that link between being someone's parents and being someone's partner if they're only using tools that are taken from the parenting that they grew up with?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:38

Well, I think that we need to be more educated about when we step into relationships, like how we how we set ourselves up for success with that person. So instead of just growing up and experiencing it's one thing you don't get to pick your parents, right? Like we're all born and we don't get to choose our parents. So your parents might not be equipped to support you with the tools and resources that you need for a healthy relationship. Maybe your parents are divorced, maybe they're separated, maybe they sleep in separate bedrooms, maybe they don't love each other, maybe your dad cheated on your mom and he still does. Maybe your mom's cheating on your dad. There could be so many different things that happen within someone's home, right? But we it's not enough when you become an adult to just say, like, oh, these things happened to me, and now I'm gonna take these things and then I'm just gonna use them as my only frame of reference when I go into a relationship. If you recognize that in those times there's maybe wasn't the best way to approach things, then the responsibility of you as an adult is to say, okay, I need to go to therapy or I need to read some books or listen to some people that have the experience so I can learn a different like a different tool or have a different toolbox of skills that will support me in the next relationship. But a lot of us aren't like we don't take the time, we don't have the time to really spend the time to research or unpack what happened to us as a kid. So therefore we just kind of repeat the same behaviors, and I think that's the problem. You gotta read books.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:01

Do you have any recs that you might like to impart on some of the listeners if they're interested in possibly jumping into a relationship? Anything that you came across?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:13

Let me see what's over there.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:14

We got a whole bookshelf over here. Am I covering it?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:20

Um I think there's some on the bottom.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:24

Or maybe even authors that you're like, this is a a good person to pay attention.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:31

Hold on, I have to.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:32

Oh, she's gonna get y'all the books. Come on now.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

Okay, so there's one book that's called Why Won't You Apologize? And it's a psychology psychology book by I think a woman named Harriet something. Tubman? Okay. No. And uh I read the book a while ago. I want to say during the pandemic, like 2020, not like later on. Um, and I don't remember exactly, I can't like give a overarching, hey, here's the theme and the premise of the book, but it really does support unpacking someone's knee-jerk reaction to not want to apologize or something that that they might be at fault for, or just like giving them the tools and the understanding of when it's time to apologize, or when you don't need to apologize. Um, so I think that that's very interesting. I think part of a healthy relationship is being able to identify when you've messed up, when you've hurt somebody and say, hey, I apologize for what I've done. Um, another book that I really liked is The Us Book by Terence Real. And I think I read that book right probably a year into us dating, or right before. Um, and yeah, I'm not gonna get into it, but I just do think that it provides some baseline psychological understanding of what it means to be in a partnership. And then last but not least, we love Esther Perel. And she has a podcast, she's got a a game that actually we have here. Uh, and she has a couple of books. And um, one of them is called Mating in Captivity really does kind of unpack monogamy and potentially why folks uh choose to um engage in infidelity, and if people are able to come back from that in a relationship, like if you choose to work through the infidelity, uh, or if you can't actually work through it and why, um, and like how it's not really in human nature to be monogamous because we're like at our core, we're just like wild animals. Anyway, it was a very interesting book. Um, and I just think the more that you're able to gain perspective from actual experts who spent time like many, many decades um learning and asking questions, I do think that it's helpful to just give you pers perspective outside of your own lived experience.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:53

Baby, this is why I think we really needed this podcast, because as much as you know, we're easy on the eyes and we're easy on the ears, we really do provide some entertainment and some insight. And I think you're such a fantastic person to listen to. And this is probably the reason why I wanted to have this podcast open marriage, because I wanted you to I wanted the world to really hear your mindset and really hear who you are as a person. You've elevated me, and I feel like you can elevate I think you do elevate the people around you as it is already. Um but you give book wrecks at the end of the episode? God damn it, you good.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:35

Thanks. Thanks for the uh thanks to the little thing. I I haven't read in a long time, so I think this is um encouraging me to pick up some books and to do a bit of reading because it is special, you know? You gotta dedicate some time instead of watching TV. Um, so I think I'll read today. So thanks for that.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:51

Beautiful, of course. I think that's the end of the episode. Wow. We we reached definitely reached an hour. Yeah, there's so much things I wanted to talk about today, but you know, we will just address it in the next episode of Open Marriage Podcast. Once again, thank you so much for listening. Thank you to all our friends and family that actually listened to it. I know y'all have so much busy things to do in the day, but shout out to you for joining in, playing for like 15 minutes, be like, you know, I might listen to it later. Look, everything counts. And we just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:24

Yeah, we appreciate everyone. So we'll can't wait for the next episode. And let's have a great day. You gotta go to work, she's kinda sad.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:34

I gotta run.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:34

Oh shoot. Okay, all right. Well, I love you.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:37

I love you, sweetheart.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:39

All right, see you next week.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:40

See you next week. What you mean? I'm gonna see you later. But we'll see you later.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:45

No, I'm leaving. Bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:47

Baby! Come on now. I love that. Love you, baby.

unknown 1:07:55

One, three, two, three.