Pushing Boundaries and Breaking Rules

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

Okay, I'm sorry. I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

I actually You're not done. You just get started.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

No. Okay, I think this is good. And you can see my face? I hope so.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Sure, you can do it like that. I just can see like this. So like ready. Sweetheart. Hey.

SPEAKER_03 0:38

No. It's because the last time you said, hey babe, go ahead and do the intro. You didn't give me any setup, which I called out. You said, What can I do right now to make you feel set up? It was too late because I already felt on the spot. So then I do what I think is a setup, and then come to find out I did it all wrong.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

You didn't do it all wrong.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

I did. I did.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Okay, well, now that you saw that what I did and what I had more of an insight in as far as our intro, would you like to give it a try?

SPEAKER_03 1:15

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

But you've seen it.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

And that's how we learn about marriage, everyone. We do not force our partners to do anything that they don't want to do. So with that being said, welcome back to another episode of the Open Marriage Podcast. I am your host, Blair Edwards, and this is a beautiful Oh sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

I thought you were gonna say my beautiful wife, Calia Edwards. I thought you were gonna speak for me. This is a marriage. This you speak for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

So now you've become trad all of a sudden. Yeah, let's start switching.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

They do say that I I gave off Nara Smith vibes, so maybe.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

But we are not Republican nor conservative. Maybe a little bit in the streets, but we liberal in the streets. You know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Babe, that's crazy word. You're funny. That's good. And I can you know when you laugh and I can see up the top of your gums?

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Huh?

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Like up here.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Men in black.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

I hate that movie, dude.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

I should have gone as that guy for. He didn't even dress up for her.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

That's my car. The guy who eats sugar?

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Give me sugar.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

See, that's the only thing I really know so much more. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I'm done, I promise.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

Okay, back to the intro. Start over and then introduce me because I don't want to talk.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Okay. Welcome back to another episode of the open marriage podcast. I am your host, Blair Edwards, and I am with the beautiful Khalia Edwards, and we talk all things marriage, trending topics, relationships, social media, the works. Okay, law, ground rules, if you will. Disclaimer: we are not in an open marriage. The DMs are closed, these legs are closed. But we are open to any comments, questions that you want us to address in the next episode. So feel free to like, comment, subscribe, and uh click that bell notification.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

And tell your friends to listen and watch the podcast because we like we like more friends.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Exactly. We are not no new friends, no new friends, no new friends. No, no, no. Stay down by my dame one. Stay with me in the club scrimming.

SPEAKER_03 3:37

Did you have some sort of gummy that had caffeine or something? And it was happening.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

I'm high on life. I'm high on this. I know.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

I see your toe moving around like it's thumper.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

I might actually, I wonder if that camera can pick it in.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

If you if it can zoom in on your feet, because it's crazy work.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Anywho. Baby, we're back.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

We're back.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Let's do this.

SPEAKER_03 3:58

Okay, cool. What's up?

SPEAKER_00 4:01

You know, I mean, we just had Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

Yeah. How do you feel? This is the first Halloween that we didn't go out. You or me.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Do you know what? I'm gonna have to admit something on uh this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

And maybe other couples can attest to this, but let's see if they actually do agree. When you find a partnership, sometimes people want to get someone that's more like like them or someone that's relatively different, and then you have that whole you complete me feeling.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

Yeah, but we don't believe that because we entered this relationship at 100 and 100.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Yes, yes. But I will say you do well, you do round up my experience very in a in a well-rounded way.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Really? Because I feel like I dampen your going out experiences quite frequently.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

100%. That's what I'm saying. It's a more well-rounded experience. You don't like to be outside. This is the first Halloween that I felt the feeling of my wife saying, I'll go out with you, but you know she don't want to be outside.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Okay, well, here's the other thing, right? We've gone to a couple of different outings since being in Vegas for a number of holidays, including Halloween and New Year's. All of them have been bad. Every last one of them. The only good part is that we're together, but every other aspect of them has been trash.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

So it's like, what's the point of going outside if you're just gonna enjoy our experience being inside?

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Well, what's the point of going outside if if the best part is you? I can experience you in my house.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

And I appreciate that. I love you too, and I love being around you 24-7. But sometimes I want to get outside. Yeah, you got me.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

No, no, and I thought that you were gonna go outside, and then you just didn't go outside. You came back home, and I was startled.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Yeah, it's I I think I think this might be a cop-out, but sometimes when you enter in a partnership, there's a lot of things that change. This would be a very different experience if I was single.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

What would you be doing? Well, we know you'd be in the streets.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Live on Sunday, King of Diamonds Monday.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

I know, but you know who it is. Shout out to you. That's when it was popping.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

Who is it?

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Look, anyway, what I would be doing is Houston, Line of Vegas. We would have been at Larry Flynn, we would have been at Spamman, we would have been at Sapphire.

SPEAKER_03 6:26

On Halloween? Hell yeah. No, you wouldn't have. I'm treating these tricks. When's the last time you went to the strip club? What year was it?

SPEAKER_00 6:36

The year was 2000 maybe like 15 or 16.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

So it's been a long time.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Shouldn't have left you.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Right. I'm not gonna finish it. Do you want to go to the ship club?

SPEAKER_00 6:51

No, no, I don't.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

I've never been to one, so I'm open to going. Never been to a ship club. As remember, look at me.

unknown 7:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

Uh I'm an angel girl.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

You're a nutty gal. No.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

This face and this cardigan? No.

SPEAKER_00 7:11

Look, either way, I just think that as a single person, there's a lot more liberties that you can take. But when you're in a partnership, you just have to tweak how you go about doing certain things. That doesn't mean I can't go outside. That doesn't mean I we can't go to the strip club and so on and so forth. But there's just a different, it's a different vibe to doing all of that. So that's why I say we can go to the strip club. Trust me, we I I I would love to throw ones with you. That would be twos. But what I'm saying though is it just as a I thought you were gonna go bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

I'm not that crazy.

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Look, either way, this time for Halloween, I I'm just like, I I can't imagine having fun while knowing that you're not having fun and dragging you outside.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Oh, babe, I always have fun. Because if I'm outside and it's whack, which it is, we live in Vegas, sorry, but most social events here are a little whack when it comes to going out. And I think you asked the question of like what would it have to be like in order for it to be a good time? I don't think that Vegas can provide to me a good time, if I'm being honest, because it exists, it's drugs, it's alcohol, it's fake body parts, it's a lot of makeup, it's a lot of status, it's a lot of a lot of that. And that's probably most big cities, but that's not my vibe. So it's hard for me to assimilate myself in those types of scenarios and try to enjoy myself when I don't drink and I don't do drugs. And my friends aren't here, your friends are. So if we go hang out with your friends, yeah, I know them, but it's not like I'm hanging with the bros, you know? It's just a different experience for me. So I'm always gonna have a good time, and I'm always gonna have a good time at home. So if ever you want to go out, you know this. I might give you a hard time. Like, you're not gonna cuddle me on the couch. But realistically, you could cuddle, really. Are you really gonna leave me? Well, because sometimes you pretend a lot, and I'm not sure if you're actually gonna leave or not. But truth be told, if you were to leave me and I was at home, I would have a great time. I've got books, I've got plants, I've got downstairs, and I've got a TV. I'm perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Yeah, that's the only child shit.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Yeah, and I love it.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

I'm I'm happy for you. I love that too. But like I was saying, sometimes I like the balance.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Yeah, and I want you to experience that without me. So, anyway, we didn't go out for Halloween, and I'm actually not mad about it. Although you did buy me a costume. Can we return it?

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Technically, we can return it. Okay. But you can never I mean, we always can keep that one in the tuck.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Return. So, Halloween. Anything else happened this week? Actually, Wednesday evening, we got some exciting news.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got my green card.

unknown 10:23

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Give me the green card. You hate John Legend.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

I don't hate him. I don't hate John Legend.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

Do you know what?

SPEAKER_00 10:36

What?

SPEAKER_03 10:37

My mom and I really enjoyed John Legend's Get Lifted album. I know every I know every word to every song in that album. It's it and it's his most incredible album. What's the standout track for that one? Ordinary people. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

But what I realized. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

This ain't a honey. That's the eventually. Excuse me. Can I speak?

SPEAKER_02 11:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

What I've realized is despite my parents experiencing your uh what's it called when you impersonate people? Your impersonation of Common is really good. Do not do it, but they haven't heard you do an impersonation of John Legend.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Well, now they hear now they listen to this podcast. I know I made mistakes.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

You made your mistakes, and we both got room. Let's grow. In those times, I heard okay. Wrong lyrics. Uh wrong lyrics. But I think we should take it slow. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

Why do you hate that song so much again?

SPEAKER_00 11:45

I don't hate that song. I think you do. I don't hate that song.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

I think you told me one time that you don't really like it.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

I think it's it's first of all, shout out John Legend. Don't be trying to say that I hate you. I I don't hate you at all. Actually, you did um One Night for One Drop. I did the One Night for One Drop also. We did that together. Um, it's that one song, um Best You've Ever Had.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

I don't Wanna Bragg. That's the worst song.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 12:13

But that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. His get lifted album is one of the one of the most goaded albums. Have you ever listened to it before?

SPEAKER_00 12:22

I don't think so, and I don't uh you don't intend to listen to it. Can have it playing in the background. You want to put it on? I can put it on.

SPEAKER_03 12:30

No, because now you're just like being disrespectful to the album. Anywho.

unknown 12:37

Give me the green card.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Yeah, so the green card's in production. We are so excited.

SPEAKER_00 12:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:44

It's a long it's been a long time coming.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

And I try to get excited for you on Wednesday evening. You tried to act like you weren't that excited. How are you feeling today?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Like all things in life, I feel a bit dissociated because um enough trauma that I've experienced. I don't want the rug pulled out from underneath me. However, I will celebrate the wins as they come, but within reason. Um I actually it's always interesting talking about immigration things because I know currently in this political climate, you have to be very intentional with the things that you say about immigration. So I'm just saying right now, I'm happy to have my green card.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

Yeah. We'll leave it at that. We'll leave it at that. I'm I am really excited though, and I'm excited that we get to go to England soon, and that I get to meet your parents in person because I don't think a lot of people realize I never met your parents in person. We've been together for we've been married almost it's gonna be two years and a month.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Jeez Louise.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

Yeah, wait, what is today's second? Tuesday? It's one, it's we've been married for a year and 11 months.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Imagine Tuesday.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Yeah, so you've been married for almost two, we've been together for four and a half, almost five, and I've never met your parents in person.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Isn't that kind of wild?

SPEAKER_03 14:07

It's weird. But if you think about how long it's been since you've actually seen your parents in person, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Do you know I I wonder? I wonder if if you met my my mom, you would be like, Oh, I see a lot of similarities between the two of us. Because it's the same thing you said about your parents. You know how some people like, oh, girls try and marry someone that's like their father, or guys try and marry someone that's like their mother. I wonder if I mean you say that my mom is a character and she's a lot like me.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

I adore your mom, and uh you I adore you, but you two are so very similar, it actually is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

I wanna so I wonder if if maybe you'll resonate more with my dad or more with my mom, or you'll see any kind of similarities. I mean, at least when you meet them in person, even though they're like half your size.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

That's another problem that we have is in photos, you can only take photos sitting down.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

Otherwise, if you take them standing up, like your head will be cut off.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

Cut off, yeah. Just right at the neck. Like Oscar Proud's brother.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

No, you're talking about Wizard Kelly.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Is that his brother?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

No, I think he was like his high school rival or something.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

Oh, I just like made it up, I guess. I love that guy. Actually, I love that show. I'm thinking I might want to start watching it at night.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Well, when we start having kids, we can go for them as Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

That would be great. You'd be a fighting Oscar, but you have to be oh, it's perfect about Oscar, that is also a similarity to you.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Because he has a fellow business and has Nausea snacks. Is that he's ashy?

SPEAKER_03 15:52

Remember when his legs made a fire in the episode?

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Nice as she has the gross sisters who apparently they're blue because they're ashy. Well, you know their names, right?

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Um Nivea, Avino, those are their names. All lotion brands. You never knew this. I never knew this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Shout out. Actually, I think I don't know, maybe we have to um unpack that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Yeah, there's a lot of problematic things that happened in that show. But what I will say is that the show overall was really great, and it was one of the only shows when I was growing up that had representation of a black family that didn't necessarily have only main characters being white.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:30

So it was a show that we watched often in my household. Obviously, with the Cosby show and stuff that was like on reruns or uh Fresh Prince, but that was a show that was made during that time period. Uh, and it was cartoons, so it was cute and appropriate for kids.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Yeah, shada. The only time I think about the Pro Family is when they uh they did a Pro Family movie and they were like battling the peanuts.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

Of course.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Yo, yo, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Do you know the Choreo for that?

SPEAKER_00 16:58

No, I I don't even think that they had choreo. They just had like all I remember is that they were just constantly doing the chicken head. They're just like, yo, I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

We should watch that movie.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

I'm surprised we didn't watch any Halloween movies.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

I tried to get you to watch them. You didn't watch it.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

What movie did you try to get me to watch?

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Let's watch Halloween movies. I didn't say what movie to watch.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

We should have watched Blade.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

No thanks.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Everyone keeps on seeing me and they're like, oh my god, you should go as Blade. I'm like, I might cut you down.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

But we can watch this next year.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Alright, so got the green card, talked about Halloween. What else? What else happened last week? Anything special?

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Should bring up? I don't think so. That was like those are the main big exciting moments of our lives. Uh I guess us like figuring out that we'll be going to England soon was also an exciting part of that, and trying to get that on the docket. And oh, I mean, I I guess this is cool. I keep bringing it up, so you're probably gonna laugh. But we did figure out what airline credit card we're gonna have. That's also really fun. I think that's exciting.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yeah. Do you want to sponsor them or something like that?

SPEAKER_03 18:06

No, I don't need to be like giving anyone kudos, but uh yeah. I don't know. I just did it right after you got your green card notification. I was like, oh, perfect, we're gonna be moving to this place.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

And first we're gonna get a green card, then we're gonna open the line of credit for a new credit card. Credit crawl. Credit card.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

You're like sloughs.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

Yeah, I'm so glad. I'm so glad I put that in the podcast. Now people say how much you make fun of me when I mess up my words.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

I only made fun of you once and then once again now, so it's perfect. Sad. So I do something else interesting happened last week. And I was at work. Blair and I faced him on my 30-minute break. And uh usually I don't have headphones in because you know, I'm like QA PG, I'm at work. My team really does adore you, so they want to, you know, pop in, shout out to your team, say hi, yell. And he said you said something to me like, oh babe, I have to tell you a story. But I can't really say it out loud, it's kind of bad, it has to do with a stranger.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

And I'm like, I didn't say it was kind of bad, I just said maybe an NSFW.

SPEAKER_03 19:18

No, you didn't say NSFW, you said it's kind of bad. That's exactly what you said. So I was scared thinking, did a stranger did you roll over a pedestrian? Like, what do you mean it's kind of bad, you know? So I left work, I came home, and then you had a story for me.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Oh, you want to tell the story?

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Well Yeah, I do want you to tell the story because it's a very interesting story, and then we can go into some commentary about it, but I need you to tell it in a way that is how you told me.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

I I think you should take the reins on this one.

SPEAKER_03 19:53

Okay, so I come home from work and we're talking about other things. What I love about Blair is that he's really grown in his ability to share tea. So when we first when we first were dating, I would say, Oh, we talked to your friend, you know, X. And he would say, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would say, Okay, how how are they doing? They're good. Okay. Uh, so you know, are they back in this place? I have no idea. Did you talk? Did what do you mean you talked to them? What did you guys talk about? Oh, you know, we just chatted, but he would never have any tea or details. So eventually over time, you've done a great job after I've given you feedback and we've coached a bit about what kind of information I'd like to know. I like details. I'm at home. I'm boring. I've got friends over the age of 40. So my life isn't really like that crazy and entertaining. So I rely on Blair and my team at work to really give me tea. So he comes home talking about some other tea, then he's like, babe, I gotta tell you that story about that stranger. I'm like, okay, let's talk about it. So he goes into this whole spiel about how he goes to this place across the street from our house and meets up with a friend. As he enters the space, he hears someone yell at him from the bar. The person that's yelling at him is someone that we've met uh before downstairs at our house, and that he knew he knew from like when he was at a different show at the Venetian. So he recognizes the guy, the guy's chatting him up, he introduces Blair to this friend that recently moved to Vegas. Uh and Blair being pleasant is basically like, hey, if you guys need anything, uh, you know, I'm over at this show, I can always get you tickets if you should need them, but like, welcome to Vegas. Very nice. They exchange numbers, we we move on to the next day. Is this correct?

SPEAKER_00 21:45

So far, so good.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Okay. I'm glad that I listened to you that I can recount things on your behalf.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

That's what I'm saying. You should really just take the reins with story time. You're very succinct when you get straight to the point.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Thanks. So after this happens, uh again, and I don't Know this is happening weeks ago, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yeah, like about two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

Yeah. So I don't know any of this. I don't know who he's seen at this place that he went to. I don't know that he's met these people. I don't know that he's ex you know, kind of exchanged pleasantries, and I don't necessarily need to know these things. So I guess these same people reach out, or one of the people that's new to Vegas reaches out to get some tickets for the show. Blair says, Hey, send the money, here's the price. When you do that, I'll get tickets for you. Put them at the box office. So that happens. The show occurs. Said said person comes to the show with a friend, and said person is a female. Okay. And after the show, basically it says to you, Does she call you the name then?

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Not necessarily.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

Okay, so after the show goes, Hey, great show, you know, thanks for the tickets. Where are you going after this? Like, where are you heading to? And Blair's like, oh, I'm going home, but you know, I have some friends that are going over to whatever. Right?

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 23:06

So he comes home, goes to sleep. Yeah. How much longer then do you receive this next round of texts?

SPEAKER_00 23:13

I think it was like the next following week.

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Okay, so there's a little pause, and then a week later, uh, we get a text, he gets a text. I say we because I'm always like, who's texting us? You know, that's kind of what marriage is about. Uh so we get to text late at night.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

Yeah, I think it was midnight. Past midnight. Yeah, it's not necessarily scary hours, but definitely industry night hours.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

Anytime anyone's texting you past midnight, inappropriate. Okay, I don't care who you are, unless you're my mama, my daddy, or my bald-headed granny. Ain't nobody calling me after midnight. You know about that one?

SPEAKER_00 23:47

I know you're a granny with bullheaded.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

No, I don't have one. So this one says, she says that word, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

The word. She says, Amor, where you at tonight?

SPEAKER_03 24:00

She says, Amorr, with like multiple R's and E's. And I'm like, Amor, okay. You're getting a little cozy up with this meow chick.

SPEAKER_00 24:11

I I, you know, I don't want to have a Maya Papaya moment, but maybe if that's just in her culture, she calls everybody more. This is what I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Sure, and I'm not jealous. So I'm like, you know what, babe, go ahead and get a little razzle dazzle. So, you don't like that?

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Keep going.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

So, Amor is asking, I'm gonna call her Amor for the sake of this uh in this podcast. So, Amora goes, What are you doing tonight at 12 53 p.m.? Okay. And I'm asleep on the couch, Blair is holding me. That is the positions that we're in because that is how I like my night to end. So, unbeknownst to me, Amor is texting. Blair's responding back saying.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

I think you should go to this club. I hear people are outside. That's how I leave it.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:59

Um where you at tonight, go to this club because I'm not going anywhere, basically.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

Yeah, so I go to sleep, I go to work. Then this is so we're talking about Thursday night. Right, I know. This is Thursday night, and then we go into Friday. So Thursday night is Halloween Eve. So now we've gotten to Friday morning. It's Halloween. I'm at work, 7 30 a.m. Now I think you can tell the rest of the story. I've gotten you teed up quite nice.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Yeah, and and this story's taking a way longer than I thought.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

No, it's perfect.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Uh okay. All you need to know is that this person Amor. Amor is texting me. Being like, good morning.

SPEAKER_01 25:40

You hate that I'm calling it I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

This person is texting me, trying to be like, good morning, where you at? This is basically trying to get a conversation going. Now I don't respond to the text messages because I already feel like this is kind of borderline inappropriate. Why? Because I don't really know you like that. Um, you're I I helped you out with tickets. I'm not necessarily trying to like make you my best friend or anything. And you're a you're a lady. I I'm not saying I can't be friends with women or I'm not allowed to have platonic relationships. However, in this instance, if anyone's texting me more often than I'm texting them, I'm already like, uh I don't really know about this. Um but they're calling me and they're they're basically asking me, oh, have you that it's Halloween, so they're trying to figure out where to get costumes and whatnot.

SPEAKER_03 26:36

No. This is why I can't give you the story time. So what actually happens is, and I teed you up perfectly, you didn't need to go into that sh feel making it longer than it needs to be. It's Halloween. Amor texts in the morning. Happy, happy Halloween sunshine. No. Then he doesn't respond. Then Amor attempts to call him twice. He doesn't answer the phone. So that amor feeling a bit rejected. Amor sends multiple texts, spam texts. Hi, amor, good morning. You know, just trying to, I want to ask you questions because I know that you're in the industry and there's this costume competition going on over at the Durango. So, and then start sending photos of mannequin busts bosoms with bedazzled stuff on them. Okay, so then sends like three photos. Blair doesn't respond. So after that, Blair ends up meeting out with his friend, they go to this uh coffee place, and when he's getting back in his car, this friend, amor calls again. Would you know? Amor calls more, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:51

Not bad.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

So then Amor calls and basically is like, Oh, Amor, what are you doing? You know, just like acting like she's sweet. And, you know, I wanted to call and ask you questions with the costumes. Like, you know where I can go.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

So then you say, Yeah, I say, okay, first of all, she was like, Oh, I thought you weren't responsive because you was out late night, or you know, you had a you had a hard night or something like that. I said, Yeah, I was cuddled up, my wife, on a couch. We had dinner with a friend. I wasn't going out anywhere, and then also I was meeting up with friends this morning. Because you gotta drop in that, like, look at you, you feeling, are you feeling angry? God damn, you gotta drop in that, yeah. Cause my girlfriend, or yeah, because my wife, you gotta let them know in a subtle way that like I'm not playing any games around here. I'm spoken for, I'm in a marriage. Anywho, so she's like, oh no, yeah, I was just calling because I wanted to find out some costumes and whatnot. Um, so I was like, hey, yeah, do you know what you can go to this place or go to that place? I'm not too sure about costumes, but you know, if you're doing a Halloween costume competition, I'm sure you'll win number one. And she's like, Okay, I appreciate that. So where are you going out tonight? I'm like, yeah, I don't know because me and the missus don't be going outside like that. But do you know what I can keep you posted? So she's like, okay, cool. Thank you so much. I was like, Yeah, yeah, sure. I hang up the phone. Now, me, I'm already like, uh, this just feels awkward because I'm not saying she's trying to holler at me. I'm not saying she's trying to I'm not saying she's trying to do anything.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

What is she doing?

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Um, probably just making connections. But but see, this is the thing. What I won't do, I won't play the full and be like, oh no, you know, she's just trying to be friends and whatnot. I don't know what you're trying to do. So I will operate in my way as the most respectable, most plausible deniability approach as ever to say, hey, you might not be trying to holler at me, and you might just be trying to make friends or whatever the case may be, but I cannot take inappropriate action because I'm not interested. Secondly, I'm married. Don't you see the ring? Anyway, so I thought to myself, I gotta tell Khalia this because I'm sure she would absolutely love this.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

Yeah, it was very funny, and it brings up a really interesting point, which this could be an unpopular opinion, but I've I've grown to notice this also as someone who is I don't want to even say hit on, but is constantly being like looked at, right? Is they don't care if you're married, they don't care if you have a girlfriend, they don't care if you're engaged, they don't care. It does not matter to them whatsoever. And Amor didn't care. The guy yesterday at my job who approached me didn't care. Saying he was gonna come find me later. I'm like, there's no finding anyone. The only person who finds me later is my husband at my house. But it doesn't matter if you say that you're married, they don't care.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Yeah, but what so which leads me to the question can you make new friends being in a marriage?

SPEAKER_03 31:15

Or No, the question that you want to ask is can men and women have friends of the opposite gender? Whilst being in Whilst being married?

SPEAKER_00 31:29

I thought I literally thought that was the same question. I'm so sorry if I rephrased that wrong. But can they? Do you believe so?

SPEAKER_03 31:37

My answer to this question, because we always chat about topics and content before we get into the podcast, is and I wish that we actually wouldn't, because then when I say things that are funny, it will capture your true true reaction to what I say on camera. But I said the only way you can have friends of the opposite gender when you're married or in a committed relationship is if those friends don't live in the same state as you. Hot take.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

So you can only have pen pals, those are the only friends you can have.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

Yeah, and the and it's it's really just because proximity, we know that proximity breeds closeness.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

I mean, yeah, sure. That's kind of in the name.

SPEAKER_03 32:24

Okay, so but physical closeness or emotional close closeness or emotional attraction, the more that you're around somebody, the more you're gonna find different aspects of who they are to become attractive, even if they're not attractive. This is just like human psychology.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

I didn't know that. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

So when you have a heterosexual friendship, someone at some point will always have feelings for the other, if not mutual. So if you want to have friends always 100% of the time, over the course of the friendship, at some point during that friendship, there will be feelings from either one person or the other or mutual.

SPEAKER_00 33:10

You believe that wholeheartedly.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

I've never heard you talk in absolutes like this, baby. This is this is new for me.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

In heterosexual friendships, I can't speak on anything different. Okay. Do you agree?

SPEAKER_00 33:26

I I see your toes going. Yeah, I the only reason why I say I don't agree is because I'm some would say I might be chronically online, but I can already see people saying something to the effect of I think those people who can't be in friendships aren't truly being adults, or something to the effect of I don't want to say like man-hate and shit, but but they're gonna put it on the man of like uh you should be able it's usually the men that are like break the boundaries or something like that. And I personally like remember, I used to be in my red pill days, okay. So I've seen many a podcast where they'd be like, men and women can't be friends, they can only be friendly, and then they do that test where they put the phone out and they're saying, Okay, call up your best friend right now and trying to coax coax them into exploring a relationship and they will always allow it. Me personally, if any of my lady friends tries to like push the boundaries, I'll probably push them off the cliff. Because I'm like, look, we are not, I am not in that space.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Okay, but my question to you is what lady friends do you have who are not married?

SPEAKER_00 34:43

This is probably a red flag, but I can say, can I can I use work friends? Can I can I use work friends?

SPEAKER_03 34:49

Are they your friends or are they your acquaintances?

SPEAKER_00 34:51

Well, I think everyone has different varying degrees of what friendship means.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

Okay, so you have work friends.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

I have work friends, I have Okay, I'll give you an example.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

I'll give you an example. You ready?

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Also, my put the toes on me, shot it.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Yeah, well, because my like my ankles are burning. So you have a friend who you used to be in a show with not too long ago.

SPEAKER_00 35:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

Do you see where I'm going with this?

SPEAKER_00 35:21

I do see where you're going with this.

SPEAKER_03 35:23

So if given an opportunity, if you could hang out with this friend more frequently, do you believe that they would respect the fact that you're married? Or do you believe that if they if given an opportunity, if given liquor, liquid courage, if given a dark night in a club, a parking lot setting, they would face bumping.

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Right.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Proximity, close bodies in a club, sweating.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

Has a hands, chest to face, and now you're face-to-face.

SPEAKER_03 35:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 35:56

I think that they would.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

I could be wrong.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

I would agree with you, and I'm glad that you're not playing games. So go on. Do what's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

I think they would respect the marriage. Oh no. But I could be wrong. And also at the same time, when Lick is involved, there ain't no talent. Ain't no talent.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

Right. So my point being is you believe that your friends that are females would respect the marriage that we have. Not because you would stop them, but that if given a chance to make a move, they wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 36:31

Well, see, see, this is the weird thing. I think I think people more often respect marriages. They respect the the um what's it called? They respect the sanctimonium. What is it called? The they respect the the union.

SPEAKER_03 36:49

What are we in church?

SPEAKER_00 36:50

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 36:51

You believe this.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

My friends? I don't think any of my friends would want to hook up with me. I could be wrong.

SPEAKER_03 36:59

I hate you so much. You think that because you you position yourself in a bubble where you make yourself believe that. You tell your things, you tell yourself things in order to believe that mentality. But if I shift it all down, you don't believe that. Because you know you're attractive. You've told me that just a couple days ago.

SPEAKER_00 37:25

Okay, but okay, so now we're like now we're like snowballing into my goldfish theory. Okay, which is which is when I think contextually, like, sure, we are social creatures, but also we are sexual beings, also. This might be the most mansplaining theory ever, and I'm well aware of that. But let me work through it, work through it with me. Yeah, listen to me, work through this with me.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 37:54

So, like I said, when I go out, I'm not trying to like hook up with anybody, I'm just purely trying to be outside and be sociable, but also at the same time, I can tell whenever I go outside and you know there's ladies around, and a conversation might strike up. I start to get the eye, and the eye is like, this guy's attractive. Right. I I get it. Hey, look, look, look at me, look at me, I get it. Look at the energy, we're honored. The energy is very can be very attractive just because I I come with the energy of like, I'm not trying to get anything from you, I'm just trying to have a good time. And more often than not, when people go out, they always have this energy of like, I'm trying to take something from you, or I'm trying to get you lick it up so I can like you know, I mean, get something in return. And I don't go outside with that kind of energy, so typically it might be very attractive to some women. Now, I could be wrong, I could be misreading science. It they I think maybe they could be attracted to me only because it's dark inside. Who knows? But all I'm saying is this when I go outside and I start talking to people, and I realize like they start giving me the eye, they might be like, Oh yeah, I'm from I'm from um California, and then I'll be like, Oh yeah, my wife is from California also, and then they go, Oh, and then they just turn and then walk around. I'm like, uh, and I feel is this what women sometimes go through? You know what I'm talking about? When you you might you might go with your two lady friends and you just want to dress up, have a good time, listen to good music, a guy come over, like, hey, it was good, shiny, and then you know, the the girl would be like, sorry, I'm not really interested, I'm just hanging on my friends, and it'd be like, Why the fuck you come out to the club then shaking ass? And I'm like, damn, am I have I become that girl when I go outside? I'm just teasing. You are that girl. I'm that bitch.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

That's the thumbnail right there. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

It's so sad.

SPEAKER_03 39:59

Yeah, I mean, uh, you are very attractive. Blair also hates when I start giving him compliments, so watch him squirm. You're very attractive, you're so charismatic, you are a great conversationalist, you're funny, you know how to keep people engaged, you dress well, you present well.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

Okay, we can stop. Some more? You want some more?

SPEAKER_03 40:24

You have nice nail beds.

SPEAKER_00 40:25

I don't think any of that matters. I think this is what some people say. Ladies, I don't mean to come at you sideways, I'm just repeating what I've heard. But I've heard that women want things that they can't have. And so maybe because I have the energy of I don't want you or you can't have me, that's what makes them attracted. Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

I don't know though, because until you say you're married, they're all in. So I think that part of this is you're not giving yourself enough credit for just being attractive and being able to hold a conversation. I will say I haven't been in the dating game for a while, but when I was, a lot of a lot of people, a lot of men that I was interacting with couldn't hold a conversation, didn't have worldly knowledge, weren't engaging. So therefore, it was just kind of like what am I doing here? Like this is boring. So I think compared to the majority, especially out in Vegas, with a dating pool, and I'm saying this as someone who has friends who date is not looking great, I think you stand out more than others.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

I I mean I I don't think that's the truth. And you know, we don't have to go back and forth about it. I just think that it it's all about context, and I think that when you go outside to any club or lounge, the the understood context is there's a possible mating dating situation.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

So everyone is technically on the market until they're on the prowl, on the prowl, exactly. And I'm not I I really don't think it's because of me, I think it's just because of the context. So it's like, can I not go outside anymore? Am I supposed to just stay miles inside?

SPEAKER_03 42:10

I think you just go outside, but you don't need to mention that you have a wife.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

No, no, even that sounded wild coming out of your mouth. I don't think you really believe that.

SPEAKER_03 42:23

Uh, if you decide that you didn't want to tell people that you were married, but you still wore your ring, I would definitely wouldn't care. Because unless it comes up in conversation, I don't think. Unless someone's like, hey, can I get your number so we can go on a date? Then obviously we need to be like, hey, actually, you know, I'm actually in a marriage.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

But doesn't that seem duplicitous? So shouldn't you just be up front?

SPEAKER_03 42:42

How about you just look at the fucking hand that has a goddamn ring? Like, I don't that's what I don't. It's duplicitous to act like you don't see a ring.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

But also, we need to be well aware that sometimes, okay, so we've established sometimes people don't care on both sides. Sometimes they be married men out here trying to get a little something on the side. I'm not one of those guys.

SPEAKER_03 43:03

So that's why we can talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

What?

SPEAKER_03 43:07

Open marriage. Since everyone at your at your job thinks we're in an open marriage, it's fine, you can go off of it. No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

Anyway, so that's my goldfish theory. I am, I mean, answer in the comments. Can married people still go outside?

SPEAKER_03 43:25

I go outside with you all the time.

SPEAKER_00 43:27

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what I mean. Anywho, so there's that.

SPEAKER_03 43:33

Thanks for letting me tell the story about it more. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

So sad. So sad. Mind you, I I I just want to preface I don't think that person was trying to get at me in any kind of way. I think they just have a different style.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

I think that every woman who listens to this podcast would say something different.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

So we can see in the comments.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

Yeah, I'll ask my friends.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Do you think she was trying to hook up with me? Trying to see where I'm about?

SPEAKER_03 43:57

Why also she try to figure out where you're at in the middle of the night? Just for good conversation or just we're gonna have conversations at 12 53 p.m. I mean a.m. No.

SPEAKER_00 44:05

I could be a good time without trying to be sexual. As I said, I can be a conversationalist. I could be good energy.

SPEAKER_03 44:11

If you try and like be like, oh, you know, maybe we should go somewhere quiet.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

I'm like, okay, yeah, but no, it's not.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

I'm just gonna pull you into the bathroom. Rip off your pants.

SPEAKER_00 44:21

Chill. Please.

SPEAKER_03 44:23

Alright, we have time for one social.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

We have time for two because we we are gonna cut out the first 10 minutes. So I think we got I think we should go into some TikTok comments, some TikTok topics, TikTok topics, social media, social media discussions. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 44:39

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Let's get into some social media topics. So I saw someone online and they posed a question. They said, Black man, I have a question. Typically, when I go out to these uh community events, typically I see it's like 70% women, 30% men. Black men, why don't you go out to these social events? And a lot of people have a a lot of people have different theories. Do you have any theories why?

SPEAKER_03 45:09

Well, I'm not a black man, so I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

But why would you think black men wouldn't go out to some of these community events? Where it's like mixes or like get to know your neighbors kind of things.

SPEAKER_03 45:21

Because I think it's lame.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

Okay, what's lame about it? Oh, so you think it's what the dynamic is as far as what they're going there for?

SPEAKER_03 45:31

Yeah. I don't I don't know how to answer this question. I don't think that I'm well I don't have a lot of black male friends that would go to social events or black male friends in general.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:42

So I don't know that I can answer this question. The black male friends that I know are by proxy of you, and I can speak for your friends that they would never go to a pick-le-ball meetup. Because they don't even know what that is.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

I mean, one would argue that it doesn't matter about what you're doing, it's just about being in community and just meeting people.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

Right, but it if you're already feeling social angst about going out to like meet women or meet new friends, and then you also don't know what the activity is, that's just a triple whammy.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

I feel you. I think I think guys don't go out to female events. Sorry, female events. I just told myself it's not a furnace slip, I was prefacing it. Guys don't go out to events because it's typically catered towards women. Let's just be honest about it.

SPEAKER_03 46:28

What does that mean? Like, what does it mean to be catered towards women?

SPEAKER_00 46:31

So, for example, if a woman is like, hey, I'm putting on um a hiking group thing, if you see a woman starting it, and that doesn't mean men aren't invited. If a woman sets something up, typically a lot of women will want to support it. So an overwhelming majority of women will come through.

SPEAKER_03 46:48

But wouldn't that be the perfect uh opportunity for men to go because then there'll be more women than men, so they would have more options to pick from?

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Pick from to do what?

SPEAKER_03 46:57

Be in friendships with that might turn into dating.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

There we go. That's the point of social people. Don't want to come.

SPEAKER_03 47:06

Run clubs, run clubs, run clubs are the new way of dating.

SPEAKER_00 47:11

So let me get this straight. It's a force. What? You think these women, you think these people are setting up social events under the guise of being able to do what, like singles mixes?

SPEAKER_03 47:25

Um if they're not if they're not marketed as like women-only or women-centered, then yes. I do think that it turns into like a social a social club that is meant for connection. Connection breeds closeness, closeness breeds romantic relationships.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

So it's a force. And I think that's why okay, I'm under the impression that men feel as though these are for like just platonic environments, and as a man that can be attracted to women, I don't want to come off, I don't want to come off creepy or trying to be like colouring. Cause let let's be honest. In this world, you gotta you gotta know how to navigate. Do these be kind of scary to women, it is what it is. Some of them be scaring the huzz.

SPEAKER_02 48:14

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

So I don't think guys want to put themselves in a situation to possibly uh poison the well.

SPEAKER_03 48:20

I think some, sure. I don't think you can say that for all.

SPEAKER_00 48:23

Sure. And that's why a certain amount of them go out there. Because they're like, oh no, we can just have fun. But if you're saying that it's really a farce or it's it's a it's a they change the vanette to be more of a singles mixer, fellas, they're letting they're letting you know, pull up because they trying to trying to get their cheese clapped.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

I did not say that. And then but yeah, I do think because remember when um one of your friends was had just moved here or had moved back and they're looking to like get in the dating scene, and like, okay, we need to go to Pilates, we need to go to run clubs, because they understand, they understand.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

I didn't realize this.

SPEAKER_01 49:09

Ah, see, ladies, you're smart. You're smart with how you do it. We're so smart, that's why we need to run the world.

SPEAKER_03 49:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

No, I I I didn't realize that.

SPEAKER_03 49:23

But the comment did you read the comment section?

SPEAKER_00 49:25

I read, I read a little bit. They I heard some guys being like, it's because we work and we ain't got time to do shit like that. And you know, there may be some validity to that.

SPEAKER_03 49:34

Yeah, yeah, and I was just like, okay. You don't work every day of the week, every 24-7.

SPEAKER_00 49:43

Sure, but even with like our place that we stay at, when they're like, Do you think it's a s do you think that's the reason why they have community events is to kind of get people to pair up?

SPEAKER_03 49:54

I think that that that's really what people are looking for. Community, obviously, you want to be able to find friends of the same sex or friends of different sexes, but ultimately, like, if you meet someone out at an event and they're okay, when you approach someone, I think there has to be some sort of like magnetic pull that's bringing to that person, whether it's what they've said, how they're presenting, what they look like, so on and so forth. So automatically there's a level of attraction that's happening to even get you. You don't you don't just go meet someone and not feel some sort of attraction, same sex or not. This girl's really pretty, she seems really nice, she seems outgoing and kind. Let me go talk to her. Maybe she'll be a good friend for me. I'm a girl. Or I'm single, I'm at this event. Oh, that guy's kind of cute with his friends. Maybe I can go over there and say hi to him, just like spark conversation. There's some level of attraction that you have before you enter in like a new scenario with somebody.

SPEAKER_00 50:57

It sounds kind of red pill to say, but ladies, stop kidding yourselves. We all are attracted to each other, and as much as you want to try and be like, oh no, we're looking for friends, you know. No, no, you're looking to get chosen up on, or you're trying to be around attractive people and then find a new friend group, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Let's just not lie to each other, but also we can't be direct and be like, oh, you just trying to find you just trying to find someone. Can't pose it like that. Interesting. Yeah, we could be absolutely wrong. I yeah, I think people argue argue us down.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

I would love to engage in conversation around what people think about this. That's just my opinion. It's not right or wrong.

SPEAKER_00 51:39

Well, I'm gonna post it online and see what people are saying. We'll see. Okay, what's the next topic? Oh, the the next topic was The Vogue The Vogue. Um there's another thing that's going around. There's another article that's going around, and I think the title is something along the lines of It's embarrassing to have a boyfriend.

SPEAKER_03 52:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:01

What do you make of that?

SPEAKER_03 52:05

So one thing that's important to know about me is I don't like taking one TikTok of someone that I don't necessarily know. So, for example, if someone's speaking on something as a expert or figurehead on a topic and I don't know them, I like to go look at other posts that they've had.

SPEAKER_00 52:34

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 52:34

Because I don't know where what's their credibility, what's their stance. They could have changed it from yesterday to today, I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 52:43

The woman who is who wrote the article and then subsequently was talking about this article online and responding to people's questions or comments, is a single woman.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

Do we know this for a fact?

SPEAKER_03 53:00

Based on the TikTok that we watched after the fact in bed, she said we, meaning single woman, when she was addressing someone being like, Are you single? Sure. She was saying us we, meaning that that means she's single. Okay. She gave a politician answer. She didn't say, I'm I am single, but she did, she did allude to being single.

SPEAKER_02 53:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:22

So essentially her theory or argument is in today's day and age, people who have boyfriends find it embarrassing to have boyfriends. And therefore, anybody who posts their boyfriend, so say for example, I have a I have my own brand, uh, like as a girl who's a fashion girly who like goes out and tries coffee shops or whatever and has like a lifestyle account. If I suddenly get partnered and I have a boyfriend and I'm posting my boyfriend in addition to or more than the content I used to post, it's embarrassing. And that there's like this overwhelming collective ideology that it's embarrassing to be the girl that has a boyfriend, right?

SPEAKER_00 54:14

Sure. But why though? What is the embarrassing part about it?

SPEAKER_03 54:19

I believe the idea is that no longer do we live in a society where having a boyfriend or having a husband means something. We've in this new age of feminism or anti-patriarchy, women have, and I'm just saying this based off of what I interpret the article and the TikToks to mean. Women have identified that men no longer provide anything to them that they haven't already or they can't provide for themselves. So before, like women couldn't work or they couldn't vote or they didn't have a say-so in a lot of things, we relied on men and marriage to support us because we couldn't provide for ourselves. Now that we can, and now that we do, what do men really provide to us? So if you think about it from that perspective, when you start showing off your boyfriend, it's kind of like, what are you really showing them off for? Is it because you need val is because you want the validation of from a man that says you're worthy of love?

SPEAKER_02 55:29

Right, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_03 55:30

And they're saying that that's embarrassing to be that girl who posts her boyfriend and coming from a place of I need valid, like this is for validation, or look at me, I'm worth something since I have a boyfriend now.

SPEAKER_00 55:41

Do you feel that way? Are you embarrassed of me? Well, you don't even really be well, you post me sometimes on your social media.

SPEAKER_03 55:48

Okay, number one, you're not my boyfriend, you're my husband. Number two, we post each other equally. If not, I post you more.

SPEAKER_00 56:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 56:02

And lastly, I don't care. Like, I don't live my life and do the things that I do under this microscope of like, oh god, if I post this thing about Blair, I'm gonna be embarrassing. I don't live my life for you. You, I do, not you. So I'll post my husband, I'll kiss my husband, I'll be up on you. Like, I don't care about any of that. I think that everyone has an opinion, and social media amplifies everyone's ability to have an opinion about things that they feel, which is totally fine. But I'm like, who cares if next girl posts her boyfriend or doesn't? Because there was a long time we didn't follow each other on social media. Yeah, we didn't follow each other on social media until we were married.

SPEAKER_00 56:57

Yeah, yeah, this is very true.

SPEAKER_03 57:00

We also uh didn't post one another for a very long time.

SPEAKER_00 57:05

Was there any reason why you can attest to why you didn't post me?

SPEAKER_03 57:09

Well, you weren't, so I'm not going to.

SPEAKER_00 57:11

So it's based off of me. Did you ever ask me why I never posted you like that?

SPEAKER_03 57:16

No, I don't think so. Did I?

SPEAKER_00 57:18

I don't think so. I don't think you outwardly asked me. Maybe I just offered up the information.

SPEAKER_03 57:23

Why didn't you post me?

SPEAKER_00 57:24

Because it's no one's business.

SPEAKER_03 57:26

Actually, we did talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 57:27

Did we?

SPEAKER_03 57:28

What did we say? When people when people used to ask, like, oh, why don't you guys follow each other on social media? Our response was kind of like, Well, we don't need next man, next girl trying to find you on social media, sign the DMs and like be on some sneaky behavior. Because they'd be on that because you had some friends again because you did have some friends who were who were interested.

SPEAKER_00 57:47

In you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean who wouldn't be.

SPEAKER_03 57:51

So it's kind of like we don't need to be, you know.

SPEAKER_00 57:54

But if they want to find you, they can find you. I mean, it's very hard to find.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

It's hard to find me, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:59

But even still, I just recognize that first of all, I don't I wasn't living my life on social media anyway. There's like a lack, there's a a lack of validation that I ever needed from anybody else. It's part part of the reason why I don't even post on social media like that as to begin with. But if we can go back to when we were dating and we were boyfriend and girlfriend, I was never embarrassed of you. I will say I did find it embarrassing when people are being in relationships and they're posting about their boyfriend or their girlfriend 24-7, and then when they're together, then they're not together, they remove all their posts. I'm like, uh, I understand why you would remove it, but also at the same time, it's just not a good look.

SPEAKER_03 58:39

When I dated my ex and I found out that he was cheating on me, I archived all of our photos on Instagram.

SPEAKER_00 58:46

Oh, so you still have them?

SPEAKER_03 58:47

No, they're gone now. But what I'm saying, when I first found out, like in the moment after finding out, I archived them all. So when he called me, he was really mad that I deleted them. I'm like, well, I didn't delete them. They're archived. Because I'm giving you an opportunity to tell me what behavior you're on. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

I think for me, I I just felt as though.

SPEAKER_03 59:09

You were ashamed of me?

SPEAKER_00 59:11

No, what? First and foremost, I didn't I'm just kidding. I just didn't, okay. It's just whatever. Like, I don't know, I don't I don't care about you.

SPEAKER_03 59:21

But you but also you did post a previous girlfriend.

SPEAKER_00 59:24

I did.

SPEAKER_03 59:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:25

And and I learned a lot from that. I felt like she needed me to validate her more so than I needed to validate her on social media.

SPEAKER_03 59:33

Right. So you essentially were posting her because you felt like because she either was telling you that you should or that she made you feel like you needed to.

SPEAKER_00 59:41

With all due respect to her, I'm not gonna say she made me Well, no one can make you do anything as an adult, but what I'm saying is I felt like it was necessary.

SPEAKER_03 59:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:49

Yes. Because i if we're looking at other people in uh relationships, that's what people do. So I I was just not necessarily going along with what people do, but I felt like I had to do the same. It's making like damn near worship posts every now and again.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:08

Really?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:08

I mean, I I have a video that's archived.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:12

Oh, did I see this that you made for her? I think I might have seen it before like one of your hard drives. You showed me part of it. I mean, I didn't find it on my own, you showed me part of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

It's not a good look, and I wouldn't show you that anyway. But going back to what I'm saying now is after after that dynamic, that relationship, I thought to myself, I don't have to do, I don't have to put that on display to validate anybody. I don't need to validate myself and I don't need to validate my missus in that kind of way.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:38

So much to the point that I said, hey, if we're not posting each other on Instagram and we're not even following each other, are we still good?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:44

That's what you asked me.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:46

No, I that's what I recognize in being in a relationship with you. You just like I you never needed to post me. I never needed to post you, so what's the point of doing it?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:55

Yeah. Well, and I also came from a very similar previous relationship to you, where it was like, when you you need to post me on Snapchat, you need to post me on Instagram, why didn't you do this? I'm like, so then I did feel like I needed to do it in order to validate the relationship or to prove that I was loyal. And I realized now that that was like an insecurity on his end that I was essentially playing into that then like screwed me over in the in the end. Um but yeah, it was never I didn't I didn't not post you because I felt embarrassed of you. I actually was so excited about you, and I felt an immense amount of immense amount of joy and um I don't want to say achievement because I didn't get you, but like I felt proud that I was with you. So the people that were closest to me got to see photos or got to hear stories, which I feel like was enough for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:51

You remember the first time I kind of soft launched you?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:53

No, when was it? Actually, I was gonna ask you.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:55

It was after we got back from San Diego. San Diego. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:59

Where did you post?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:01

I posted a video of I think we were like going into the field and picking strawberries, and then like at the end of the video, you could hear you laughing in the background. Oh, yes. I was like, I was like, uh I gotta let people know, Loki.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:15

After you then you sent me a card with the picture inside of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:18

Yes. Yeah. Oh, I did do that. I still have it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:21

Yeah, I still have it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

Yeah, but um, you know, this back to that woman that made that article, she says something about men. I'm not saying all men are trash and they have nothing to provide being in relationships.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:35

Well, that kind of was the air of the conversation, which I find problem with.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:40

Yeah, I mean, it it is it's an interesting conversation to look at. If men are no longer the sole providers of your status or money, livelihood, those kind of things, what's the point what to what benefit do men provide that you could be proud of? And then if you say companionship and being loved and seen and all that kind of stuff, and then you have someone that comes on the internet as like, oh, that's nothing you can love yourself. It's like, what's the point of posting about it then? If it's more so for you to debunk my experience.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:18

Well, and I think uh listen, people are gonna have their own opinions about being coupled or being single, and I think about I love, I love, and you know who am I gonna say I love who's single?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:32

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:33

They're famous.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:34

Oh, Tracy Ellis Ross.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:36

I love Tracy Ellis Ross. Love me some Tracy. And she's single, she's very much single, and she's very much been single. Obviously, she's dated people in the past, and she's in her 50s. I think she just turned 53, and she's single. And I can listen to Tracy Ellis Ross's experience being a single woman and choosing to stay single until she finds exactly what she's looking for without judging her for being single and not having children or not being married or doing any of those things. And I can look at myself and say, I got married at 27 and I was engaged at 27, and I've been with you since I was 25, and I would have liked to have met you when I was 18 and gotten married to you than if I could have. Oh, sweet hella. You know?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:22

But either way you cut it, whether you are 53 and single, 35 and single, 25 and single, or all those ages and married and with kids, I don't think that whether you choose to post your significant other or choose to post single women unite posts, I don't think that either one of those things is wrong, as long as whatever you're doing resonates with who you are inside.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:51

Yeah. Eloquently said. I think it still goes back to, and this is this is the last I'm gonna say on this, is as we as we navigate as a society and we're building on top of the things of the past, i.e., these um the patriarchy and how certain things are set up, and it's allowing people to show up in different ways and to elevate themselves. I think this is a great opportunity for men to show how they can show up in a relationship, but then it's also a double-edged sword if I'm not saying this is the sole reason of feminism, but if women are progressing in certain ways, you can't then be progressive for women, but then still hold men in a patriarchal way of like, oh, if you don't show up in the same old way, like we're allowed to progress, you're not allowed, and the only way that you're allowed to show up is in the same way that you've always shown up, but it has to be in a higher term. I'm like, that that's a doublish sword. That that's that's a non start, that doesn't make any sense. So I'm not saying that men are gonna start being like women, how used to be back in the day, talking about we're staying at home and we're Raising kids and whatnot, I feel like us as human beings, we should just be seen as who we are, human, without the outside influences of how we're supposed to show up in the world. Do you like me? I like you, I accept you, accept me, you respect me, you respect me like reciprocity, and we can get on like a house on fire. Good. That's all that it needs to be.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:19

But I think that some people, not all, but some people are still trying to live in the element of I want to be a chauvinist, and you know, I want to provide for my woman, I want to be able to do this, that, and the third. Cool. If you want to do that, great, happy for you. You want to find someone that wants that for you? Sure, do that. As a woman, if you're progressing in life and you're like, oh, I got I'm highly educated, I'm making my own money. Um, I want men to show up in a different way. I'm like, sure, whatever you want. Find someone that can get find someone that works for you in that kind of way, but don't try and shit on other people because they're not showing up in a way that you want them to. That makes no sense whatsoever. Yeah, you don't need a megaphone to be like, I don't like these about these people. Find someone that works for you in that way and then highlight them. That's fine. But when you start shouting from the rooftops of other things that you don't like, I'm like, you just sound crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:15

Not the C word.

unknown 1:07:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:21

And on that note, my British, my British brother.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:25

Oh, wait, that's the end of the episode, huh?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:28

Okay. I I feel like we were splitting. I was really trying to like ham it up, but I think we we kind of we took some very serious detours, and then I'm like fumbling over my words.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:39

But I think you did a wonderful job.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:41

It's because you had these toes next to me. I got sidetracked to you know, I got a thing for your feet.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:49

Don't know what that means, but uh also I'm gone next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:54

Dang.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:55

So do we take a bit of a pause?

SPEAKER_00 1:07:58

Just a brief pause.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:59

Yeah, so we won't be back next week. Well, I guess, yeah, when you're listening to this next week, but we'll be back with two weeks' worth of stuff to go over. So it'll be a jam-packed episode.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:08

Nice.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:09

And I didn't say it in the very beginning of the episode. Uh, but Merry Christmas. Happy Christmas season. It's November.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:17

I love it when retail stars are like, okay, we got one one holiday down. Now we gotta get two months in preparation for the next one.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:24

Let's be real, Costco already had holiday decor out in August.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:30

Oh, dang. Well, I mean, so I'm gonna get a deal.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:34

I'm saying this in November. Next time we're recording, we're gonna have the tree up.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:39

Yeah, we're gonna change out the vibes. Am I even a here comes here comes it?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:44

I've been seeing Christmas carols the last multiple days. Blair's totally like, shut up. Um, but anyway, I love Christmas and I'm excited. I'm excited. We're gonna have a snowy December going to Chicago. So, oh my god, maybe we can record in Chicago.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:00

I'd be done for that. I can bring some things.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:02

Yeah, we can hold the microphone, so we don't need to have them on stance. That'd be cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:05

That'd be cool. Nice. Okay, cool. Sweetheart, sign us off.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:11

Thanks for tuning back in to episode number three of Open Marriage Podcast, where we do not have an open marriage, but we have opened up our marriage for conversation, for deep diving, for controversy, as my husband would say. Um, we're so thankful for you all for showing up and being here and to our new listeners, mostly friends from Blair's show. Welcome to our podcast. We see you. We're excited that you're here. Tell your friends, your granny, your uncle, your mama, and your daddy. Uh, and we'll be back in a couple weeks with some more tea.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

Sounds good. Appreciate you. Remember, like, comment, subscribe, click that bell notification, share to your friends. Just don't even share the link. Just be like, hey, you ever heard of this open marriage podcast? They be talking about some real things, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:58

Okay. I love you.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:00

I love you, sweetheart. I kiss your toe this time.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:03

Okay, thank you. All right.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:07

All right, peace.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:08

You know how last time I said see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:11

I love that.