How Childhood Shapes Parenting Styles

Blair and Khalia talk pregnancy, preparing for their first baby, how to raise independent and critical-thinking kids, and dive into honest conversations about parenting, relationships, and modern dating.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Oh, you wanna sit next to me? Is that you? That's what you were trying to do?

SPEAKER_03 0:08

You can do that.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

What if we just like held hands the whole time we did a podcast?

SPEAKER_03 0:12

Then you know my hands will be swaying.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

No, then I'd be like that lady from um Age of Attraction who can never not be alone.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Do you know what? That's how I feel about you.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Like your outfit?

SPEAKER_05 0:33

Love my outfit.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

It's comfy and cozy, huh?

SPEAKER_05 0:35

When the hell is Act 3 coming out?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

I don't know, but we're gonna pray that it's uh Oh my god, what if we could bring the baby with us? Are you allowed to bring babies to concerts like and not pay for them? Kind of like the airplane, they like sit in your lap.

SPEAKER_05 0:50

I think Beyonce would charge us regardless.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Oh shit. Well I can only do so much. What's wrong? You're looking at me. You're assessing me and I feel scared. You're always looking at my microphone.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

Sweetheart.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Yes. How are you doing? I'm great. How are you?

SPEAKER_05 1:14

I'm good.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Sunday.

SPEAKER_05 1:19

Um would consider that a fun day.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

It's not really a fun day for us because you have to go to work right after this.

SPEAKER_05 1:27

Work is fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_05 1:30

What job would be considered fun to you?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

No job.

SPEAKER_05 1:35

Exactly. Welcome back to another episode of the Open Marriage Podcast. I'm your host, Blair Edwards. This is the beautiful Khalia Edwards, and we talk all things marriage, relationships, social science, and all that good stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Um we're not in open marriage.

SPEAKER_05 1:53

Do you know what I was thinking actually while I was doing that whole setup? Because this is gonna be on TikTok now.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_05 2:01

We're finally getting on TikTok, so I gotta do the honors correctly. Can we do it again?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, yeah, sure. Do it.

SPEAKER_05 2:07

Welcome back to another episode of the open marriage podcast. I'm your host, Blair Edwards. This is the beautiful Khalia Edwards, and we talk all things relationships, current events, and all that good stuff. Now, quick disclaimer we are not in an open marriage. However, the conversations are open around marriage. So please sit back, listen, and uh enjoy this episode.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

That was perfect. I could always Okay, Blair Edwards. Every time I give you uh some positive recognition, you're like, no. Is that trauma or what? Trauma! Yeah, trauma response. I don't know what that is, but Spongebob. SpongeBob is not good.

SPEAKER_05 2:48

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 2:49

It's not good for children.

SPEAKER_05 2:50

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Yeah. I said what I said. Our kids are not watching SpongeBob, by the way. Divorce me.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

It's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen. Uh we'll unpack that later.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

We won't. Uh, but anywho, how you doing?

SPEAKER_05 3:11

I'm doing well. Yeah. Um I I I really feel like something um, I don't know if it's esoterical, metaphysical, um, spiritual. There's something happening between us because I am feeling nauseous and you're the one that's pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, you you're feeling nauseous again now?

SPEAKER_05 3:31

Not right now, how about last time? I just feel like a low level of nausea.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Nauseum.

SPEAKER_05 3:36

Is that what?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

No. Nausea.

SPEAKER_05 3:40

Yeah. Not feeling that. You feel I feel sick.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

But you know what? Maybe so in the first trimester, do you remember what symptoms you had that I should have been having?

SPEAKER_05 3:50

I was feeling bloated.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Were you? No. Right. You're just throwing out random symptoms. Okay. No, for real. What symptoms did you have?

SPEAKER_05 3:59

Um, I don't remember yesterday. Uh, but all I all I can remember is always feeling some kind of nausea.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

In the first trimester? You didn't feel nausea. In the first trimester, you felt tired uh and then you c felt hungry often, which is what I was feeling.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

I was having cravings.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

You were not having cravings, dude.

SPEAKER_05 4:20

Maybe once s'mores.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Daddy needs ice cream. Uh speaking of, we're getting ice cream tonight, by the way. Yeah. Because it's the last couple days of the cereal uh what's it called? Addition, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

I need to get a couple pints of that Lucky Charms for good measure. Postpartum snack.

SPEAKER_05 4:39

And you're saying you don't have cravings. A couple pints?

SPEAKER_00 4:43

That's just called greed. Because the thing about it is it's not gonna come back until next March. Next March we're gonna have like a baby.

SPEAKER_05 4:52

We can run to the store. 10 month old. I get you some ice cream and gets you some what frosted flakes. You like frosted flakes?

SPEAKER_00 4:58

I don't actually like frosted flakes.

SPEAKER_05 5:00

Remember how I always made fun of you because you were an athlete growing up all your years. Look, why are you rolling your eyes for? She was a D1 athlete, so she had a very strict diet. So she used to eat raisin bread with water growing up.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

You're such a fucking liar, dog. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 5:16

What's then what's that cereal that's like it basically um like little I hate when Blair does anything with his hands.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Like he does like these weird, like we don't know what this is or what this is.

SPEAKER_05 5:27

It's just like a little like crunchy thing. Like it's one? It's like what's it? Spelt?

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Ew, what? I never had spelt. My mom's gonna come for you because this is a lie. Here's the thing.

SPEAKER_05 5:39

Come on.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Okay. Here's the thing about cereal. Side side note about cereal. Growing up, I had a raw almond mother or a crunchy mom. And I'm gonna be the ex I'm the exact same way.

SPEAKER_05 5:53

Time out. What? What is that?

SPEAKER_00 5:55

It's the mothers who are organic and they buy everything and they prepare everything. They don't just buy a bunch of stuff that has high high fructose corn syrup and all the other jazz.

SPEAKER_02 6:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

And so that's the way I grew up. I never had a fruit roll-up. Mom bought me fruit leathers from Trader Joe's and those shits slap. Real fruit.

SPEAKER_05 6:15

Let me find out your mother was Nara Smith.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

She was the original.

SPEAKER_05 6:18

The OG Nara Smith.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

The original white version of Nara Smith, yeah. So now, if you fast forward to when I was eating cereal, I had a couple of options. We had raisin brand. That was a special treat.

SPEAKER_05 6:31

So you did raisin brand is a special treat?

SPEAKER_00 6:35

It has raisins. So you have raisin brands. Raisin brand. You have golden grams. You ever had golden grams?

SPEAKER_05 6:42

I got you, don't I?

SPEAKER_00 6:45

The specialest treat was cinnamon toast crunch. Like very special. I mean, once every new moon special. Right? But usually I would eat puffins. You know about that cereal?

SPEAKER_05 7:00

Yeah, it's uh the one with the what is that? It's not a two can. Is it a two can? It's puffin.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

Do you know where you get it from?

SPEAKER_05 7:08

Um from smoking too much weed.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

You're such a fucking nut. From Trader Joe's.

SPEAKER_05 7:15

Shout out.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Anyway, I used to have like the healthy Cheetos from Trader Joe's, all that kind of jazz. I turned out great. And also, you're welcome. Eugenics are alive and well for this child.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

Eugenics?

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yeah, I'm I'm helping with their eugenics.

SPEAKER_05 7:33

Oh, that's what it's called. Not epigenics?

SPEAKER_00 7:35

I don't know. One of the genics. Some genic.

SPEAKER_05 7:38

Well, you're definitely not a gen X, you're a Gen Alpha.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

They are gen. I are they Gen Alpha or are they the next gen? I don't know what they are. I don't know. But we're not gonna have some Gen Z kids, no offense, but we're not gonna do that.

SPEAKER_05 7:50

Yeah, I um I I okay, all jokes aside, I love that. That you give you have nothing but the most organic, natural, essentials developing for you and our baby. That's fantastic. I love that. Whole foods.

SPEAKER_00 8:07

The baby just literally rumbled because they're so excited. Because they know.

SPEAKER_05 8:11

You hear me, baby?

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Uh yeah. What I will tell you is you're welcome. Having a mom like I had and that I have provided you the best conduit for the best child one could provide.

SPEAKER_05 8:24

I know. That's what I got with you. I could tell you as a you had raw. I was a thoroughbred equestrian.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

My dad used to always say that.

SPEAKER_05 8:33

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Shut up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Yeah. Uh all right. We got off on a slight segue. We were talking about ice cream. We're then we were talking about the cravings that you had. Also, my memory is back. Who knew my pregnancy brain wouldn't exist in the podcast? This is incredible. Uh, so yeah, in the first trimester, you had some severe uh exhaustion. Every time we get somewhere in the car blur's asleep, uh, remember we went to Minnesota and every time we got in the car blur to sleep, he needed a he needed constant snacks. It was like you're preparing me to be a mother. I needed to feed you, lay you down for a nap, hold you, kiss you, and then the only thing I didn't have to do is change your diaper. I'm just a baby.

SPEAKER_05 9:11

I have no mummy.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

That was the worst show ever. They mean blocks. Uh-oh. Yeah. We watched Broad City one time, that was the worst experience of my life, but we only watched like 10 minutes and it was fine. Uh, this trimester, third trimester, you are having some sort of nausea spell just the c in the last 24 hours.

SPEAKER_05 9:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

So hopefully you can shake it. Oh, and he's also see, he's still tired. Who's pregnant? You or me?

SPEAKER_05 9:41

Definitely you.

SPEAKER_00 9:42

Who's the one who has to, you know, run a marathon every day carrying this baby?

SPEAKER_05 9:47

You do get your steps in, huh?

SPEAKER_00 9:49

No, but do you know that's what they say?

SPEAKER_05 9:51

Get your marathon in?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Carrying a baby is like running a marathon every day.

SPEAKER_05 9:59

My little runner. My little Ethiopian runner.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Why am I gonna be Ethiopian?

SPEAKER_05 10:04

Because they'd be running.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Okay. So the Jamaicans.

SPEAKER_05 10:08

Well, you must be Ethiopian because you'd be running on my mind all day.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Corn ball.

SPEAKER_05 10:15

This is what you do in a marriage. You gotta still you gotta still schmooze, you gotta still date. Yeah, I mean, you gotta say cute shit. Allegedly that's what I want.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Who I don't know who said this is what I wanted, but that's that is what you want.

SPEAKER_05 10:27

I I I watched the Manosphere documentary.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

I'm leaving. I'm going away. Alright, well we have like another two episodes. I mean, this is second to last episode we're gonna film in this house.

SPEAKER_05 10:44

Yeah, yeah. We're moving. We're gonna have a much different setup. I kind of want to keep it the same, but we're still figuring it out.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

You want the same pictures?

SPEAKER_05 10:55

Probably not.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Right.

SPEAKER_05 10:57

The pictures were a nice touch.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Yeah, they were nice. They're they bring in the color in the house for sure.

SPEAKER_05 11:04

We have a very uh colorful house.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

I wonder if you'll think that it's so colorful when we move and I make some changes.

SPEAKER_05 11:11

What kind of changes are you thinking of? I'm scared.

SPEAKER_00 11:14

I'm just a baby, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 11:16

Okay. Alright then. Um Yeah, I um it's been a good run. It's been a good run. We've been here for a very long time. Three years. We said we were gonna get these pictures up. We got the pictures up less than six months ago.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

What pictures?

SPEAKER_05 11:33

You know, pictures of us.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

They had about for a while. Uh alright, so we really need to talk about are some topics. Get into some nitty-gritty topics.

SPEAKER_05 11:46

Like what? What are you thinking? I was gonna I was gonna say, first of all, let's let's do the let's do a quick check-in. Let's see, what what do you call it? A wrapping?

SPEAKER_00 11:54

That is what you call it at work, yes.

SPEAKER_05 11:56

Okay. How was your week, sweetheart?

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Man, I don't even know what today is. Uh today's Sunday. Yeah, the week was fine. I mean, it was a short week. I was off on Monday after the shower. That's when we recorded the podcast, and I everyone caught me crying on the internet. That was really lovely. And uh, and it was just like a bunch of work stuff. I mean, like I'm in the last home stretch of prepare Whoa there, preparation uh to go and leave. So passing off everything, getting everything wrapped up, doing that stuff. And then we just continue to receive more gifts for the baby, so I've just been trying to pack those things up and uh take care of things on the to-do list. So really, it's just like been a week of getting shit done, and I feel like that's my nesting kicking in because when I was running around all day on Friday, I got off of work, came home, started doing one shit, and then packed all this stuff up. I'm like, yeah, this is my version of nesting right now, while we don't have a space for me to nest in.

SPEAKER_05 12:54

Yeah. Speaking of, I just wanted to give another quick shout out to everyone who has been getting things off the baby registry. Our house, our child is going to be taken care of. We she keeps on pulling out these little like hats, these little socks and whatnot. I'm like, this is so cute.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

She's like, baby, look, this is gonna be for the baby.

SPEAKER_05 13:14

Yeah, it's very cute. Thank you so much for sending these things in. Um, don't stop. Keep it coming. You know, I mean, we will always take the support. We love you, we appreciate you. The baby appreciates you.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Blair appreciates you, as do I. Uh, but yeah, he just told me he's like, we need to figure out these thank you cards. I'm like, that is not your business. I will take care of that.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

Yeah, but just letting you know, um, we are receiving them and we are grateful for you.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

Yeah, and we will be sending out cards. The thing I was gonna ask you about, though, which is why I didn't want to just automatically assume we need to send cards out immediately, is if you wanted to do like utilize our photos that were taking in May as our thank you.

SPEAKER_05 13:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

But you're like, that's too far away from now. So we can just talk about that later.

SPEAKER_05 14:02

Well, I mean, just some kind of acknowledgement, because I have people hit me up on some, like, hey, um, not sure if they actually got delivered, you guys received it, because it says shipped, but yeah, I personally have been texting people when I receive a gift that they've purchased.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

I don't know what you're doing, but that's what I do. I don't know your I don't have people that are from your side of the um registry's numbers, so I can't text them and say thank you.

SPEAKER_05 14:24

Well, that's the great thing about baby lists is like I just that's why I asked you for the login information because I logged in, I can see that you can actually send people notes. So I was just like, and you can see where they're shipping it from. So I'm like, okay, maybe I can do something in that kind of regards. Um but yeah, just check in and meet you.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

See where they're shipping it from?

SPEAKER_05 14:42

Yeah, like so. For example, like they have their own address, like if it doesn't get to us, it can be returned to send it.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

I got you.

SPEAKER_05 14:49

Yeah, so I'm like, that's why I was like, okay, should we get cards and take note of the the shipping uh wherever they're shipping it from and then send the cards to the address?

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Not everyone put an address in there is a problem, also. Oh yeah. So uh but anyway, I'll take care of that today so we can get that going. I would hate for us to you know jot the ball. Um, but in the meantime, feel free to text everyone.

SPEAKER_05 15:10

That's uh a very nice way of letting her know. It's like I've been doing what I need to do. You need to pick up the slack and don't loop me into it.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

That's not what I said.

SPEAKER_05 15:23

Play it back. Um anywho.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

How was your week?

SPEAKER_05 15:26

The week was great. The the the week was nice. I think the only thing that's uh has been on my mind is this new place. When are we gonna move? Getting those things done. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 15:37

She knows exactly when we're moving.

SPEAKER_05 15:38

I know when we're moving, but what I'm saying is like I my focus has just purely been cross off all of the things on the checklist, make sure that I'm not holding anybody up for that. Um also trying to take care of things for this podcast. Hey, this is uh gonna be a public service announcement. If you use Spotify, you should be able to see video. Cool. But we are getting we are going to get video on iPhone, on Apple. You're gonna have to update your iPhone.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Blair's ready for being a dad. We're gonna have video on iPhone.

SPEAKER_05 16:15

We're gonna get the videos on the iPhone.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Look it up on that uh talking like whole head.

SPEAKER_05 16:19

Look it up on the Google. Now see, what you need to do is you go ahead and take one of them last smartphones and you're gonna go to your settings and update. My grandbaby taught me about that. That's what he sounds like.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

You're scary, dude. Anyway, back to what you're saying.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

Update your phones so that you'll be able to see video from us. You won't just be able to listen to uh dangerously attractive voices. You should be able to see us videos. Look at Khalia, she looking good, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 16:50

You look good.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Thank you. Just taste just test uh look anywho.

SPEAKER_05 17:01

Um, yeah, so just make sure be on the alert for that, and then of course, YouTube will be getting those videos up. I just need to get my um my thumbnail game up. I just don't know how to do like thumbnails. We're gonna get it to Kraken though.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

I think I I wanna do something like that. Now that I'm gonna head into uh my summer vacation, like I can really I gotta pick up some new hobbies, so your hobbies will be cleaning diapers, cleaning them, swaddling, um, breastfeeding.

SPEAKER_05 17:34

That's a nice little hobby. You can you can try it with me.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

No, Blair. No.

SPEAKER_05 17:39

Yeah, well, we'll see. I get hungry. You know, I'm like I'm a baby. I get hungry often. Gotta feed me.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Like bring this bowl of cereal to the bed and have me as screet milk into it.

SPEAKER_05 17:51

We're laughing now. That's a great idea, huh? That sounds good. Yeah, see, I knew it.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

Ew, stop doing that.

SPEAKER_05 17:58

See, when you update your phone, you'll be able to see me smack my lips.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

It's like not even It's the way you move them around. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_05 18:07

Okay, all right. I'll stop.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Alright, so it was a good week.

SPEAKER_05 18:10

What?

SPEAKER_00 18:11

It was a good week.

SPEAKER_05 18:12

It was a great week. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking forward to going into this week also. It's gonna be great, but we'll talk about that a little bit later. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, um, so earlier you said there's some topics that we need to get into. Yeah. Like what? You what were you you talking like social media, talking about TV? What's what?

SPEAKER_00 18:31

I'm talking about TV.

SPEAKER_05 18:32

Okay. Let's let's let's before we get there, because I feel like you're gonna be really excited to talk about this, and I'm really excited to talk about it too. Um, let's talk about some like parental stuff.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 18:46

So we had um a conversation a little bit earlier in regards to uh the cause and effect of parenting. And I was wondering, like, how would we know that we're setting our kids up for the best environment cognitively, mentally, all that kind of stuff? Um, and you told me that your parents went to uh a parenting class about what was it, uh raising critical thinkers.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah, I believe that. I mean, they can correct if I'm wrong, but that's what I believe it was about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:16

Okay, so how will I know that I'm preparing my kid to be a critical thinker instead of just mouth breathing and just be doing what they're told?

SPEAKER_00 19:25

I mean, I'm not the expert here because I don't have a critically thinking child.

SPEAKER_05 19:29

You are a critical thinking woman. I think you got some kind of idea.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

Thank you. Uh I the premise is that as children grow up and they become responsible for more things, or that there's an opportunity for them to become responsible for more things, that as a parent, instead of you always telling them exactly what to do and being so prescriptive, you actually ask the child questions that helps them build the muscle and the skill set to be critical thinkers. So for example, we talked about yesterday in the car was if we're driving home from dance, let's say, and it's 6 p.m. And we know that bedtime's at 9 p.m. Instead of me saying, okay, we're heading home, we have three hours, X, Y, Z needs to get accomplished. We need to do this, this, and then brush your teeth and then hop in bed. It's asking the kid, hey, we have three hours before we have to go to bed. What are the things that you need to do between now and then for you to be prepared to go to school, like for you to go to bed on time and for you to feel refreshed for school tomorrow. And then that way the kid can start to think about what needs to happen based off of the routine that you've already set, versus the parent always giving a prescription. Because at some point in time, your parent can't tell you at school how to set yourself up for success because they're not with you all day long. Like you have to be able to do that stuff on your on your own.

SPEAKER_05 20:51

So it's just basically giving the child the opportunity to be responsible.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah. In other words, if you to think about it from a work perspective or like a leadership perspective, it's like how do you co it's like coaching somebody because when you coach someone, you already you lead with the idea that they already have the answer within them and that you're just supporting them getting there by asking intentional questions.

SPEAKER_05 21:12

Yeah, I um and as you were telling me these things, I I realized, oh, that's that's another reason why our you know, maybe our childhoods look slightly different. One could argue is because you grew up as you know the only child.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

I grew up a singular princess of a child.

SPEAKER_05 21:31

And and I grew up with 85 siblings. But pretty much there's a lot of kids to like worry about, so it's like you can't really um you can't really like hone in or zero in one at a time. You know, some people might argue that. Um I just want to be mindful that you know my parents are listening to this podcast. I want to make sure that crashing my childhood.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

No offense to anyone's parents. However, what I will say is Um I do I do believe that the more children that you have, uh the more the less opportunity there are for you to um successfully support in the ways that every kid needs because your attention is limited, especially if you have two parents who work full-time. Uh it's nearly impossible, at least in my opinion. That's why I will I will not have more than three children.

SPEAKER_05 22:26

And that's why you'll be a stay-at-home mother.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

I would love to be a stay-at-home mom if you'd like me to.

SPEAKER_05 22:33

You know what? Um see the way my bank account is set up. Right now. Right now?

SPEAKER_00 22:39

Yeah, right now.

unknown 22:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

If you put it on your goal chart, I think you can achieve it.

SPEAKER_05 22:42

You think so?

SPEAKER_00 22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:44

Alright, here I go. I'm gonna be writing. I'm uh I'ma make it doesn't have to be millions, but I will make more than enough money to have my wife stay at home and raise our kids and be conservative. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Can where did the conservatism come from?

SPEAKER_05 23:00

It's traditional.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Here's what I here's what should have been said. That there's a that we have the ability for me to stay at home should we want me to stay at home.

SPEAKER_05 23:09

I like that mantra. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I like that a lot.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Because like then I don't have to stay at home. You're not like force me to be in the house and watch the kids, but that I have the but we have the ability to say, hey, actually, you know what? This summer, we we want to travel. Yeah and we're gonna take the whole summer off and so actually I don't need you to work. Yeah, so let's just be done.

SPEAKER_05 23:29

Is your life your choice?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 23:33

Yeah, so um going back to the the difference in uh childhood, I would love for my children to if my children could grow up with a mindset like yours, I'm like, yeah, I'll defer to you. I'm like, how do we do that? But it's just it's interesting when you have eat raisin bran.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

It's water to the tap. Just kidding, it's filtered, of course.

SPEAKER_05 23:57

See what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_00 23:58

It's reverse osmosis water, hydrogen water. Oh, of course I know. I'm a health nut.

SPEAKER_05 24:05

No, no calcified penile glands. No, um, but that's one of the reasons why out of the multitude and multitude of reasons why I looked at you and I said, Me one breed, this woman, is because I realized that we had two different upbringings. And I I like some of the things from my childhood, of course, but I love some of the things about your childhood. So um I'm learning from you, and so anything I can learn and apply uh to our children, I'm gonna take that on fully.

SPEAKER_00 24:36

What did you think about uh I was just thinking about my childhood and that I read a lot of books. I think what was really evident at the baby shower uh last weekend was that every time I opened a book and out of a gift, I'm like, oh my god, this is such a great book. And I look at Blair, I'm like, Do you know this book? And he's like, I'm British. And I'm like, okay. So we read a book last Sunday.

SPEAKER_05 24:59

Yes, because you gotta you have to do this thing where you like read to your kids in a boom, you know what I mean? So I'm trying this new thing where I'm taking I'm just getting a head start on reading some of these children's books. I'm reading it to our baby.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah, so we read a book.

SPEAKER_05 25:13

What was the book called? The The Rainbow Fish?

SPEAKER_00 25:15

Yeah, talk to me about your experience of the book because Blair had a lot of commentary while we read it.

SPEAKER_05 25:21

Okay, obviously, I'm coming from a different world.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Obviously, he's controversial.

SPEAKER_05 25:28

Slightly. Um, some of these children's books. I don't know about the messaging behind it. I was reading this book, and you know, I'm I'm like I'm getting ready to be a dad, so I'm thinking about okay, what kind of voices can I do? And I have to say in a very particular way to our child. If anybody would like me to read Beton, I I I have a very nice voice, you know what I mean? So I'm like, the rainbow fish was swimming swimmingly through the ocean, and then another fish came up and said, Mr.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Rainbow Fish, can I have one of your tiny scales?

SPEAKER_05 26:01

What you want? One of my scales? Get away, you hooligan. I was basically doing it like that. But then as I was reading this book, I just kind of halfway through, I'm like, oh wait, is this a story that people aren't really gonna mess with you unless they can take what you have? I'm like, uh I don't know about that message. I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Meanwhile, it's a the the book really has the like most foundational lesson, which is to share when you have a surplus of something that you don't actually need. You just needed one.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

Right. But how can you, and maybe this will help with the critical thinking, um, how will you be how will my child be able to discern what they need, what they don't need, what they have in surplus, and then for these other kids that just want to take little grubby little grubby little fingers, just want to take stuff. Like, for example, we we give our kid hypothetical, right? Okay, we give our kid uh a boxed lunch. We give them um what's it boxed lunch?

SPEAKER_00 27:08

You mean like I make the lunch after you? You make the lunch, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 27:09

Okay, I'm like we're not gonna be like them like no, they're gonna have a lunch box. An actual lunch box?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

Oh no, baby, what you don't live in squalor.

SPEAKER_05 27:17

I'm just saying paper bag. I've never made packed lunches for my kids before.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

You never had a packed lunch from home? Uh on the spot.

SPEAKER_05 27:29

Yo, just I will see. Just in case I did. Mom and dad, you can you can chime in.

SPEAKER_00 27:38

I don't remember having Blair has no memory or recollection of his childhood. It's all been uh erased.

SPEAKER_05 27:46

You know, uh, you ever heard of this movie called Men in Black? They showed up with the put the shades on. Anywho, uh, no. What? No.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

Okay, so the thing about it, let me just decide the segue. Again, to my mother, who, yeah, I was an only child, but I had a young mom and a young dad. Uh, and both my parents were participating in this lunch making, from my understanding. Packed lunch every day, and a note on a napkin.

SPEAKER_05 28:15

Aww.

SPEAKER_00 28:16

Now they have such a kind of notes that you can order off Amazon because Zoe requested them because her friends had them. Like you don't have to write on napkins anymore. There's like a lunch note pad. They got something for everything now these now these days. Before we gotta use napkins back in my day, back in my era.

SPEAKER_05 28:31

Otherwise, very cute and very intentional. Yes, so happy for you.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Thank you. Okay, so you've never packed lunches before.

SPEAKER_05 28:38

Right. Let's take it off of me. But let's say that our child is at school.

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 28:43

You make one of them, what's it called, those natural fruit roll ups.

SPEAKER_00 28:46

I make it, like Nora. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Some kids are like, oh dude, those look really tasty. Can I have some? What is his voice?

SPEAKER_05 28:54

It's a kid's voice. I don't know. The the kids like it. It's like from Rug Rats.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

Okay, got it. You're like, can I have some?

SPEAKER_05 29:01

And so the kid, so the our child reading rainbow, rainbow fishes, gives the gives the thing away, and then another kid comes over and like, oh, dude, you have uh potato chips, can I have some? And then they're like, yeah, sure, because I read this book, it's all about Shane. And next thing you know, they ain't got no lunch.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Yeah, but the book didn't say give away all your scales.

SPEAKER_05 29:24

He practically gave away all your scalp.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

He had one left.

SPEAKER_05 29:27

Okay, so give away, and so this moral of the story is baby, I play this back. All right. Your mom wants you to give away everything until you have one left.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

No, this is not. Okay. Let me give you another example. Let me give you another example of how critical thinking shows up in children. Okay. Okay. Around lunch. So here's what happens, right? For my childhood. Let's say I forgot my lunch in the car or at home. Because that happens sometimes. Mom packs lunch for you, you forget it, you forget it somewhere, you don't put it in your pack, right? And you get to school and you're like, oh shoot, I don't have my lunch box. What do most kids do in that situation?

SPEAKER_05 30:05

Cry, call for help.

SPEAKER_00 30:06

Who do they call?

SPEAKER_05 30:07

Mom and dad.

SPEAKER_00 30:08

Yeah. Well, if mom and dad are at work or mom and dad want to support and instill critical thinking skills, what do you what's a solution preemptively that would support the child still being able to eat something, but not having mom and dad come back to school to give them a lunchbox?

SPEAKER_05 30:27

I'm gonna do the same thing that we do at work. We still are co-workers for Okay, Blair. Not the whole thing. Just a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

No, just one. What would they do? What would happen what would be done before we get to that point that would support the kid and still having lunch, but utilizing critical thinking skills and understanding the importance of in putting your lunch in your bag beforehand?

SPEAKER_05 30:51

I think you've you've talked about this before, and it's something along the lines of you would ask the child, do you have everything ready for school? Do you have this? Do you have that? And one of them being their lunch, if they don't have it, then they would be like, Oh, I need to pack this lunch.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

No, but I'm saying we've already gone to school, they don't have their lunch.

SPEAKER_05 31:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 31:10

So like what could what could have happened preemptively that would have allowed them to still eat lunch, even if mom and dad are not gonna bring their lunch box to them?

SPEAKER_05 31:17

What happened? Shoot, I don't know. I'm strapped. I feel like you coaster me, Han. This is instilling me to be a leader, also.

SPEAKER_00 31:23

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay, so what you could what what my mom did for me was she placed cash in my backpack so that I could get a school lunch and still be able to eat. So while maybe I didn't like the school lunch options, you're shit out of luck because you left your lunch at home. Mom made it, you left it, and so in order for you to have lunch, here's money in order for you to eat. But the lesson is learned because now mom is not gonna come back and save the day for you. You have to think critically about what options are available to you. Because we can't always go back and save our kids, they have to be able to like figure it out on their own. Right?

SPEAKER_05 31:59

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Option one.

SPEAKER_05 32:01

Now let's say that same child. Now I'm just running route wild over this.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Clearly.

SPEAKER_05 32:05

Our child, they encounter a bully, they're like, hey, give me all your money. I know your barrel is good for it.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

I literally hate these voices that you're doing. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 32:16

Turn our kid upside down, do the whole shake thing.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

No, none of my kids will ever be taken taken upside down. Look how big we are. Here's the thing, okay? No one ever fucked with me at school. Ever. They might have teased me because I was tall, but that was about it.

SPEAKER_05 32:34

I can only imagine you as a tall child towering up a playing tether ball.

SPEAKER_00 32:39

I used to fucking r just run the court.

SPEAKER_05 32:42

Scary.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Yeah. So yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen. But however, it's like, okay, great. If they come home, they're like, we got bullied. It's like, okay, well what like what could you have done differently in that situation?

SPEAKER_05 32:52

Oh, I'm I was more thinking about like them being able to eat. If they don't have any money or they smoke.

SPEAKER_00 32:58

Okay, so what's another option that we could do that, that what could be done ahead of time? If they don't have if they get taken for their money.

SPEAKER_05 33:05

Holla at one of their friends, hey, look, today I ain't got it, but I'm gonna get you back tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Exactly. Barter. It's like, hey, I don't have my lunch today, and I forgot my like someone took my money. Is there any way that you could share half of your sandwich today and half of your chips, and then tomorrow I'll bring extra food and I can give it to you.

SPEAKER_05 33:24

And do you know how we learned all of this? By reading Rainbow Fish. So let this be a moral to you. Read Rainbow Fish because it always connected. It's such a colorful way we found this all out. You're hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

La la la. Uh, any other like parenting thing?

SPEAKER_05 33:46

At this juncture right now, no.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

I mean, they're not gonna talk for a while, so we're not really gonna have to engage in like these critical thinking conversations. But I do think it's also important that when you have a kid that you don't speak for the baby or the kid when they're trying to formulate their own words. So sometimes people will do is like, you want milk, milk, milk? And the kid never has to say milk on their own. It's not gonna help them have a conversation. But what you can say is like, Mama didn't get you milk, daddy's gonna get you milk. That's delicious milk because then they start to recognize, oh, the word I the thing that I want is called milk, and then they'll eventually be like, milk, but you don't speak for them. That's like typically if you have multiple kids, the younger siblings develop a little bit slower in terms of their speech because other kids speak for them or they just do for them.

SPEAKER_05 34:37

Not all the time. I just I just get a really sensitive thing about me growing up. No one is saying if you have multiple kids, you won't have healthy communication skills, they won't be able to think for themselves. No one's really saying that, but at the same time, you just have to be cognizant of the cause and effect of parenting. You know?

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Yeah, and I've we've never parented or parented multiple kids, so we'll just say one day at a time.

SPEAKER_05 35:02

Yeah, one child at a time.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

Yeah, Blair's ready for a second, apparently.

SPEAKER_05 35:07

You're not you said you wanted three, so I'm like, whatever Mrs. wants, missus gets. It's just a simple. Okay. Okay. What time is it now?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_05 35:20

1 15? I've been talking about 30 minutes. Okay, I think it's about time we sort in into some um some of these other topics.

SPEAKER_00 35:28

Topics. Speaking of topics, I don't know why I'm in this ice cream mood, but remember Coldstone when you have toppings? Mmm, delicious.

SPEAKER_05 35:36

She has cravings, everyone. Watch out.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

I'm gonna pack the pounds on in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Whatever. Send it home. Um, so it's also about the actual show, and more about the ideologies that the show is showcasing or presenting. Because I ended up been yesterday I didn't do it a damn thing. Uh besides after you left, I like didn't do anything. Um, but I did binge watch the rest of Age of Attraction because we were behind it, and at that point I'm like, Blair's not really into the show. I'm gonna watch it by myself. I need to get caught up. I'm seeing shit on TikTok. I'm like, I can't watch it, you know? It's like ruining my experience. There's a couple things I wanted to chat through.

SPEAKER_05 36:17

I'd love to. Let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

So the first one is uh celibacy. Um, and the other ones I'll reveal later, but I'm just curious. You've had some experience of people telling you that they're celibate.

SPEAKER_02 36:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

I've never had this experience. So talk to me about uh when someone's told you have you had more than one experience of someone that's uh practicing celibacy?

SPEAKER_05 36:43

Um outside of yourself, obviously. No, there's this there's only one person that comes to mind who I mean we I I think the you know attraction was mutual, but they said that they were celibate. I think the rest of them were just saying that they were on their period, but I don't know how true that is.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 37:02

That one's going over your heads. Fellas, you know what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

They were on their period as a way to like st like negate having sex. Yeah. I mean, maybe they were on their period, but yeah, I don't think I'd want to have sex with a random person on my period. I don't even like having sex on my period with you. That's just kind of scary.

SPEAKER_05 37:19

It's going into a different topic. But anyway, yes, I've I've had experience with someone that says, you know, they're celibate. And my at least at the time, my mindset was, hey, this person is on their path. Um, I didn't really get into it too deep, but when they said that, you know, they're practicing celibacy, I was like, oh, cool. That means that they're they're not engaging in sex in any kind of way. I said, hey, that makes all the sense, and I want to be respectful for that. But respectfully, I'm gonna have to pull out, pun intended. Thanks. I had that one in the chamber.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

Tell it last night.

SPEAKER_05 37:56

Yeah, I still feel kind of proud of it, but anyway, um, watching Age of Attraction, it's now brought up this conversation of what does celibacy look like?

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Okay, what I will say is recently I have been in situations with people not attached to a show or like just random people at my like outside. And what I've recognized is that people make up their own definitions of words all the time. And I don't know how you got here. Like when I grew up, there was a dictionary, and if you didn't understand the word when you read it, you looked it up, and then you took on, you just said, Hey, this is what the word means. Like, this is what the dictionary says, Miriam Webster, bottom line, point bling, period. Yeah, for whatever reason now, these whatever word you want to change the meaning of, you just can.

SPEAKER_05 38:49

Pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 38:50

And I'm just confused how and why that's even a thing. So when it comes to celibacy, what is the actual definition of celibacy, by the way?

SPEAKER_05 38:59

You want to I I can I can look at it. Let's look it up.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Because I'm just curious before I start talking my shit, if what I'm about to say is for real. Uh, because my understanding of celibacy is that you refrain from sex, and sex means anything sexual, up and to including first base to fourth base.

SPEAKER_05 39:18

Well, we're talking bass now.

SPEAKER_00 39:20

Yeah, you didn't use basses when you were a kid.

SPEAKER_05 39:23

I I was in dance, I never played baseball. I did a little kit ball though. Celibacy, noun. Abstinence from sexual relations. Two, the condition of remaining unmarried, especially for religious reasons. Three, the state of being unmarried, single life, especially that of a bachelor or of one bound by vows not to marry. So basically, um any kind of sexual activity.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

Right. Okay, that's what I understood celibacy to mean. So when you were celibate, did you follow this or were you still doing first through third base?

SPEAKER_05 40:04

Okay, well, when I was doing celibacy, it was um what was it called? It was more so like the term is like semen retention.

SPEAKER_00 40:17

What in the fuck, Blair? Is this a manosphere term?

SPEAKER_05 40:22

Probably.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

Semen retention?

SPEAKER_05 40:24

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 40:24

Why were you retaining your semen? For what? So you have a lot of it.

SPEAKER_05 40:28

Okay. Yes, we do. Um, and it's gonna get out one way or the other. So this is this is the mental practice. Everything, it depends, like all actions depend on the intention of it, right? So back when like I gave you a little bit of information about this, but this is after I got out of a very hard relationship. So my mindset was I am going to abstain from anything that could be like sexual gratification because I feel like it kind of dulls your um that vigor within you to go out and get it. So, in terms of being celibate, yes, I wasn't just trying to like hook up with women and having sex, but also at the same time, I wasn't just trying to masturbate 24-7. So I stopped masturbating, and subsequently I also stopped watching porn. So when I tell people this, when I'm like, Yeah, I haven't like watched porn in like four or five years, or haven't masturbated, they're like, What?

SPEAKER_01 41:33

You're crazy!

SPEAKER_05 41:34

And I'm like, Yeah, because it's it's a very different reality.

SPEAKER_01 41:39

Sure.

SPEAKER_05 41:40

So that's my intention of like what celibacy means. It's like you cut off all things sexual, sexual.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

So you weren't when you were celibate, you weren't doing anything with anybody else. No, you just were by yourself, not looking at porn.

SPEAKER_05 41:56

You're making it sound like I was just staring at in in a corner, like not touching yourself. I am celibate.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:02

You just I joined a covenant.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Yeah. Okay, so you're getting ready for priesthood, got it, clear. Okay, so then my so then I think what came up for me when watching Age of Attraction was there was a woman who shared in the promise room that she was celibate. Which I'm like, okay. Again, comes back to like intention, why are you doing it? Who are you doing it for? She shared it was her relationship with God. You know, God does say to save yourself from marriage, because if not, you create, and this is like new age vernacular, you create soul ties, and then those are hard to break. Whatever, whatever. So she goes, they start living together, her and and this man. It's she's touching, by the way, I didn't show you the other episode. She's like touching him and rubbing him and kissing up on him, which I guess I don't know if that's I guess celibacy doesn't mean you can't kiss somebody. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 43:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

But then one night they're filming and then they're like claiming he's claiming that she hopped up on top of him, dry humped him, and then orgasmed as a result.

SPEAKER_05 43:13

Or or like simulating orgasms or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 43:17

Giving this man blue balls, goddamn.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

So then he's confused because he's like, I thought you were a celibate, to which the definition would not have included what she did. And then she's like, I don't know what you don't understand about me being celibate. Why can't you disrespect me?

SPEAKER_05 43:37

Maybe you can chime in on the comments.

SPEAKER_00 43:41

Make it make sense.

SPEAKER_05 43:42

I I okay, so when I was listening to them argue, I was hearing two different things.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 43:50

And I'm not saying either one is wrong, but what I can say is like from his perspective, I understand where he's coming from, but it seems like from her perspective. She has this ironclad understanding of what celibacy means, and any kind of question of that is then inherently questioning her faith or her relationship to God. I'm like, that is not what he's arguing. What he's arguing or trying to get to the bottom of is what do you mean is celibacy? Because your under his understanding of what celibacy is and her understanding of what celibacy is are two different things.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Right, but it's not even it's not even like understanding. It's that there's a definition of celibacy, which is very clear. You just read that you just read it.

SPEAKER_05 44:41

I know, but what I'm saying is if you're dealing with someone that has a different understanding of it, then you need to kind of not necessarily meet them where they're at, but at least bridge some gap into how can we both understand what that is. And I don't know if it was editing from you know Netflix or whatnot, but they never had that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 45:02

Right. But I what I'm where where I'm having confusion is definition definitions are not subjective. You just can't make up your own definition of a word to fit your needs. So the question I would ask is hey, the definition of celibacy is X. Help me understand where humping somebody and having an orgasm or faking an orgasm means celibacy. Help me understand how that that those two correlate.

SPEAKER_05 45:34

I think because she's thinking celibacy is refraining from just sex penetrative sex.

SPEAKER_00 45:40

Great.

SPEAKER_05 45:41

Yeah, but she never said that.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

Right, which is why there was confusion. I felt confusion, he felt confusion, we felt confusion. You like that?

SPEAKER_05 45:50

Visible confusion.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

I was like this on the couch.

SPEAKER_05 45:54

No, I I understood exactly where she was coming from, but but this is what I said for spoiler alert, they did not make it to the end. But why was feeling is like both parties are lacking patience in terms of trying to be together and get on the same page. Maybe because he's significantly older, he has no time for patience. She's so old, he has no time, and she's so young comparatively, that she's like, not that she has all the time, but she's like, I have no patience in trying to explain. Like, it's gotta be now, you gotta understand how it is. I don't want to work towards it. And I'm like, well, this ain't gonna work.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Yeah, I would go one step further and say, like, it's not just my belly is going crazy, um, it's not just patience that they lack, they lacked um, they lacked attempting to find attempting to understand the other's perspective, which I think ultimately comes down to like patience. Like, if you're not gonna, if you're not willing to invest the time to ask the questions before just like spewing something out of your mouth, it's like they were just talking at one another without actually understanding what the other person was saying. And I don't know if it's because they were rushing and they didn't have patience, or if it's because they just don't communicate that way. But if you have an idea an ideology that I don't understand or that I I'm not agreeing with, it's not enough for me to be like, well, I believe this and you believe that, and we're done. For me, I need to understand, like, okay, how did you get there? And sometimes I think you think that I'm grilling you when I ask questions about your ideologies, and I'm like, I'm not grilling you, I'm just trying to understand the show. Grilling Cheyenne. That was a great show.

SPEAKER_05 47:33

She's doing a lot.

SPEAKER_00 47:34

Yeah, same. Uh, I'm not trying to grill you, but I'm trying to understand your ideology so that I can better interact and communicate with you based off of what you are saying is important to you.

SPEAKER_05 47:46

I hear you, and I know that, but that's because we've established a relationship with one another that when it comes to trying to understand something, question doesn't mean trying to dismantle or or negate what I believe in and whatnot. I know it's always coming from the best place. Some people don't have that relationship with others or within themselves. So when it comes to questioning anything, it's like you're questioning me, you don't respect me, you're not accepting me as I am, get out of my life. Yeah. And that's the problem in this world today. None of you have the relationship with others or yourselves to really look at, like inspect yourself to be like, why do I think the way that I do? What does this really mean? And then do I have the patience or do I have the communication tools or resources in order to bridge gaps with other people to come to a certain kind of better understanding? It's just you either with either get with the program or get lost.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

Yeah. Yeah. So uh don't do that. And um understand. I think what's important is like just take the time to understand where your partner's coming from, even if you don't agree, it's trying to figure out how to how to meet them at a common ground so that you can then move forward. It's like I think if they would have taken the time to say, Hey, what do you mean by celibacy? My understanding is X, and then she could be like, Well, my well, I I don't believe that it's not having sex. Like, that would have cleared up a lot of conversations and questions um back at the promise room. We probably could have avoided dry humping and all those things, tail spinning out of control, but we just never took the time to do it before.

SPEAKER_05 49:24

Yeah, I mean, and also like there's that age difference. So back in his day, celibacy probably meant one thing, and now in her day to new age celibacy. Yeah, new age celibacy.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

I wonder if there's a book about that. Probably.

SPEAKER_05 49:36

You could probably write it. I'm glad you weren't celibate.

SPEAKER_00 49:38

I don't know anything about celibacy. I wasn't celibate.

SPEAKER_05 49:42

She wasn't you're sick, dog. No, but at the same time, it's like we get it, we we live in a system of here's a boogie word, patriarchy. And some of these dudes out here just want to like take, you know what I mean? Um, what's called beat and delete, hit and quit, beat, pump and dump, all of this.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

I said the term crack yesterday, and Blair got so excited that I used that term.

SPEAKER_05 50:12

You know where that's from? What? It's from um Call of Duty. Because if someone has a shield and like that if you shoot them and like their their um shield cracks, it's like he's cracked, and so if like that's like you get past you penetrate someone, like you cracked.

SPEAKER_00 50:29

Yeah, see, these terms are just all bad part of the manosphere.

SPEAKER_05 50:31

Well, anywho, um, you know, it's just unfortunate how the the um and this is more manosphere things, it's like men are trying to get sex, women are trying to withhold it, and it just really comes to comes down to do you both is there some kind of reciprocity in where you both are getting what you want out of it? Is it some middle ground? Yeah, I mean, and that's why with you, I was very happy to find out we on the same page. You ain't gotta withhold nothing from me, girl. I'm with you. I'm number one.

SPEAKER_00 51:04

Okay. So that's the first thing. The other one is um and we didn't talk about this before off camera, so I'm gonna bring it up now and see what you have to say about it. The premise of the show, obviously, is that people don't know the age of the other person until they choose to promise in the promise room. And then they that they then go on this like spree to live together, and then they invite their families to come. The show invites certain family members to come and meet the new couple together. Some one of the couples, the woman who was 27 years older than her partner, did not tell her children how old her partner was because she was afraid and in fear what the outside world would think. Because you've dated older women, have you ever felt shame saying, oh yeah, I cracked a 40-year-old, or like, oh, I'm like messing with a 37-year-old when you're like 21.

SPEAKER_05 52:11

Okay, let the record reflect that I never cracked a four-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 52:15

37.

SPEAKER_05 52:16

Okay, look, um it's kind of alluding to what she said on the show. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but if we look back and look at social programming, um, rules of engagement, all that kind of stuff, it it looks much more favorably for a young man. Or actually it depends on the perspective, but from my from my perspective, I never felt shame or embarrassment from being with older women older than me. And that's because young stallion. You know what I mean? There is no there is no there is no uh glossy, you know what I mean? At least from my perspective, and and this is for the young bulls out there. When you have an older woman that's like, oh my god, you're a baby. Look, it's just them trying to come to grips with how they're feeling. They're trying to make you feel, you know, they don't wanna, you know, I mean, they wanna downplay it.

SPEAKER_00 53:16

They're trying to rationalize the fact that they're old and they're messing with somebody that's as old as their son.

SPEAKER_05 53:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Or that could be their son.

SPEAKER_05 53:23

Right. Yeah. But for me, younger, like, I I I think the m the max I I don't think I've dated anyone that's more than ten years older than me. Or messed around or dealt with anyone. I mean, definitely seven years. You know what I mean? That's like at least to my knowledge, like age difference. But are you doing the math?

SPEAKER_00 53:44

No, I'm trying to see if I have.

SPEAKER_05 53:48

Ross Claw. Let me find out.

SPEAKER_00 53:50

Ten probably ten years. Yeah. But not dated them. Definitely not. Because I always had a rule, like, I couldn't mess with you if you were closer to my parents' age than my age. That's like not allowed. I'm making that face. You don't know who it is.

SPEAKER_05 54:06

I I this is this is news to me.

SPEAKER_00 54:08

This is news, I know. I just thought about it. I was like, oh yeah, this is repressed. I gotta talk about that.

SPEAKER_05 54:12

I you know what? And I'm not gonna shame you.

SPEAKER_00 54:15

Well, there's nothing to shame me. You didn't know me, and I was a grown-up, so.

SPEAKER_05 54:20

Okay, so you was barely 21.

SPEAKER_00 54:22

I was 22. Graduated college.

SPEAKER_05 54:24

Okay, so you mess around with a 32-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 54:26

Yeah. At least. That's fine. But not messing around with it. Oh, Blair, let's not, let's, let's just keep it real, PG, here. Cause uh last night I was doing some slight research on the internet, and Blair's over here commenting on women's photos in 2019. Some egregious stuff. I'm like, were you what time did you comment this? In the middle of the night? In my defense, yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead, plead your case.

SPEAKER_05 54:57

I'm big dog. If anybody has gone through their previous messages, everyone's always cringed at like previous messages?

SPEAKER_00 55:04

Oh, there is more. I didn't see it.

SPEAKER_05 55:05

I'm just I'm hee-ho. I'm saying let's keep it, let's keep it PG. Let's keep it PG. You're funny.

SPEAKER_00 55:15

Hand it over. I have some self-tain right here.

SPEAKER_05 55:17

No, all I'm all I'm saying is this. From her perspective, she's like, hey, look, as an older woman, it doesn't look appropriate dating someone younger.

SPEAKER_00 55:25

But that's like a social construct. At what point are you like, yo, fuck it? I'm happy. Fuck everybody else. I don't need to worry about someone's perspective or their ideology around age discrepancy. Like, at what point are you just like, fuck it? I don't care. You will go on a show, knowing you could fall in love with somebody who's 22 years old and you're 54. You didn't think about that before you went on the show?

SPEAKER_05 55:49

Yeah, and that's that's what makes me kind of go like, what what are we talking about here? Like, what are we doing? I wonder if they're still together.

SPEAKER_00 55:56

I don't know, but it was just like really annoying to me.

SPEAKER_05 55:59

I think it was just another instance of someone just trying to regain control out of an uncontrollable situation.

SPEAKER_00 56:07

Yeah, and also it's like someone trying to control grown children and gatekeep information. Your kid asked you how old he is. You said, I'm not going to tell you. I could, but I'm not going to.

SPEAKER_05 56:18

They're like, I just want you to get to know them like I did. Um, sorry, you're the person, you're the person that's dating them. I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

Right. And also I didn't go on the show. So I didn't want to do this experience.

SPEAKER_05 56:30

But then it wasn't until she read the card that, like, oh, they said they're gonna be happy for us. Yeah? You still saying that once you find out the man is 18 years old, but you wouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_00 56:40

But also, it's just like that's weird to me too, because now you are lying, like you're making a decision based off of your children. First of all, you are your own person, babes. Number one. Unless your children are gonna be in danger or it's going to like stunt them in some capacity, who you choose to be with, you have grown ass children in their 20s. Who you choose to be with is not their dad, they have their own dad. They're not like 10 looking for like a daddy figure. So I'm like, your kids are gonna dictate your happiness. I've never been so happy, but if my kids say no, yeah, I won't get out of here. Get out of here, lady.

SPEAKER_05 57:19

I think also watching this show has brought up a lot of um unworked through uh Manosphere thoughts, manosphere thoughts, sexist thoughts, ageist thoughts, misogyny thoughts. Now, mind you, I don't have a hatred of older women.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

He loves older women, but he just decided to marry mean.

SPEAKER_05 57:38

I love all women. But what I didn't realize is there were some mindsets and theologies that I guess I didn't like re-examine. I'm like, what is this bitch talking about? I was like, uh-oh, uh-oh. I gotta do better. I gotta do better. Like, what did she say one time? Not that specific woman. Oh no, like this is a question. Um, how old was she?

SPEAKER_00 58:01

54, Teresa.

SPEAKER_05 58:03

Would you like your child to date someone as old as you? And if the answer is no, how can you justify what you're doing? Sorry. Do you know what? And this is why, this is probably the a good reason why, unfortunately, Kevin Samuels passed. Because if this show was around and Kevin Samuels is alive a while, he'll be like, uh, I'm sorry. Um, how old are you? Dress eyes.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

I mean, I will say everyone on the show was everyone everyone was pleasant, pleasant to the eye.

SPEAKER_05 58:41

But but the the massage noir and the misogyny that Kevin Samuels was spewing is coming through the lens of uh European conservative values of like being tiny, having no kids, right, like being unscathed basically in the eyes of the kids.

SPEAKER_00 59:02

That kind of thing.

SPEAKER_05 59:03

And it's like that doesn't mean like regardless of how old you are or what your environment is or what you've experienced, it doesn't mean you are not able to be loved or find love in any kind of way, shape, or form. So I'm not gonna let someone dictate that for me. That's number one. Secondly, though, I just recognize these people are kind of moving with a oh, it's okay for me, but it's not okay for you. Like it I think once you start flipping the question when you think about your own kids. I feel like some of these people might be lying. Yeah, even though my son's 22, I wouldn't mind him dating someone that's 42 because it's his life and he needs happiness.

SPEAKER_00 59:41

Huh? Here's what I will say, and I'm gonna probably say something controversial, and that's fine. You okay?

SPEAKER_05 59:49

Yeah, yeah, we're just ready for the input.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

He he's this is how he acts when I'm in public too. He's like, please don't say anything crazy, please don't say anything crazy. My wife's unhinged. Uh, and I am. Um 22, 32, and 42 are all very different times in someone's life. At 22, I was probably the most mature 22-year-old people I could have ever met. Could I have dated somebody that was tw 32? Yeah. 42, yeah, I could have. I would have been just fine. Did I? No. I didn't date anybody. Let's just keep that true. My what I don't understand, what I will never understand is if you are 22 years old and you want to have a good time, great. What I don't understand is if you're 42 and you want to date a 22-year-old because you think that that person has the qualities to be a life partner or to be a boyfriend or girlfriend or a fiance, I'm like, what is wrong? Are you okay? Because 20 years between 42 and 22, someone's in a completely different part of their life. They you have tons of lived experience at 42, you are older, more mature, and have a full developed frontal lobe. How can you rationalize dating somebody 20 years younger than you? Unless you're a sugar daddy who is doing it for nice supple booties and breasts. I don't know how this makes any sense. I will never understand it.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:20

And also at the same time, we have to remember this is this is a television show.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

This is real life. You called it, you you coined it the sugar baby show.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:31

Yeah. Yeah, it is a sugar baby show. But we have to we have to keep in mind though that right. But we have to keep in mind that these producers are handpicking certain people, so and also they're putting them in a particular environment in which they can shut up from the outside world and date intentionally. So I'm not saying that these people aren't truly finding their loves. I think that these people are just having a very select group of people and in a different environment in which for them to be able to connect to someone on a different kind of level. So I so in a kind of way, is age really just a number? I don't know. But for me, I'm just like, are you telling me out of your 40, 30 years of dating experience, you telling me you couldn't find one person that could match with you on a particular level, but you some miraculously you found this person on a TV show and now shit is sweet? Yeah, sure, possible. Whatever. It's your life, you do whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:35

Yeah, not me, but you can definitely do that.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:38

I mean, you did say I was like the oldest guy you've um dated. You are, which is he's old. I know I'm young, but you respect me like a father figure. Okay, yeah. Young mob is probably make your father figures.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:54

Who is that? Drake?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:55

Big Sean.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:56

Got it. Someone like that. I try to know. Alright, we need to wrap this up. We appreciate every single one of you. Blair has to go to work. This is what he does all the time. We're scared. I'm scared. We're all scared. Okay, love you.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:09

Um, make sure you like, comment, up, subscribe, share this podcast with your friends. We are gonna be on all the platforms, streaming on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, all of the things. Uh, we appreciate you. Thank you so much. Love and support to everyone, galside, drink you ball, all that good stuff, and we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:25

Alright, bye. Alright, go get out of it.